"I take orders from the Octoboss."

Hellraiser: Revelations

SNL‘s Bobby Moynihan as Pinhead

HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS, the final nail in the head of Pinhead, has the audacity to open as a fucking found footage movie. Two young bros named Nico (Jay Gillespie, ANDROID COP) and Steven (Nick Eversman, VAMPIRES SUCK and this week’s episode of Agents of SHIELD) make a video of their road trip from L.A. to Tijuana, (which they think is hilarious to say in a fake Mexican accent). Nico in particular is an obnoxious dick begging to be punched in the face and/or torn apart by hooks, very reminiscent of the guys that get killed in the opening of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2. He smirks with pride as he blows your fuckin mind by talking excitedly about donkey shows and hookers. Get it.

Jump cut to Nico shirtless on the floor in a square of candles solving the famous Lament Configuration puzzle box. And then Pinhead is there asking for the box. Or, wait… who is that guy? If you’ve seen BLOODLINE you remember it because Pinhead was in space, if you’ve seen REVELATIONS you remember it because they dressed some other dude up as Pinhead.

I knew that much going in and assumed they would at least try to do a different take on the character, a different interpretation. Not really. Just some guy (Stephan Smith Collins) who has noticeably buggier eyes, dubbed by somebody trying to talk like Doug Bradley. The one consolation is that there’s another Cenobite with a more messed up face, called “Pseudo Pinhead” on the credits, who Pinhead puts nails into himself. This guy here:


So we could imagine that this main Pinhead is also a Pseudo Pinhead who was created by the real Pinhead to take over while he, like, goes on vacation or something.

mp_revelationsREVELATIONS didn’t happen because the studio (still Dimension… except this time their prestigious EXTREME!!! division) cheaped out or got mad at Bradley. It wasn’t really intended as a “movie” per se but more of a contractual obligation quickly shat into the market in time for Dimension to retain the rights to the series. Because

1. how could they have known to allow for a reasonable amount of development and production time before a specific date decided upon years ago

2. what if these rights fell into the wrong hands? God forbid they end up with someone who didn’t really care about the series and just used it as a brand name to slap on some crap every couple years to squeeze out a couple more bucks

Bradley read the script, written by Gary J. Tunnicliffe (a makeup artist who’d been making Cenobites since part 3) and didn’t want to be in it, saying that “this does not seem to me to represent a serious attempt to revive the Hellraiser franchise.” But the show must go on, so they went ahead and made it without him.

Director Victor Garcia, like Tunnicliffe, came from a special effects background, but he had already directed RETURN TO HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, FROST GIANT (starring Dean Cain) and MIRRORS 2.

Clive Barker, in response to the film using his name in advertising, wrote, “If they claim it’s from the mind of Clive Barker, it’s a lie. It’s not even from my butt-hole.”

This story that is Not From the Butt-hole of Clive Barker is not any sort of epic or apocalyptic tale like the similarly titled Bible story. If that was the intended reference it could only makes sense in that this is the end of the world for the HELLRAISER series. It’s mostly about two beautiful, well-dressed families in a fancy house, shot with all the visual panache of a day time soap opera by cinematographer David A. Armstrong (SAW I-VI). Look, this is a scene from a HELLRAISER movie:


The families are the Cravens and the Bradleys (oh, what a great tribute to Doug Bradley!), parents of the two boys on the video, who are now presumed dead. Also present is Emma Craven (Tracey Fairaway), sister of Steven and girlfriend of Nico. She suddenly throws a fit about how they all just act like everything’s normal, why don’t they talk about how Steven and Nico disappeared and might be dead and her mom is obsessed with watching a video of it.

This is from an actual Xbox promotion for the movie, you could download stuff like this.
This is from an actual Xbox promotion for the movie. You could download adorable stuff like this to get excited for the worst movie in the long-running series.

And then Steven shows up. He seems confused and says someone is after him, and they try to get him to explain what happened to his friend, but he passes out on the couch there and they attend to him and get in emotional arguments with each other about what to do.

This story is intercut with flashbacks to what happened in Tijuana. They went to a bar and hit on a woman; Nico had sex with her in a bathroom stall and somehow killed her. Then they met a weirdo vagrant (Daniel Buran, THE HUNGOVER GAMES) who gave them the puzzle box. Nico ends up in Hell and then coming back skinless and trying to make Steven kill hookers for him. I guess it’s kind of an interesting twist that it’s a guy making his buddy kill for him instead of his girl. The makeup is good but it looks so much like Frank that you can’t help but compare this young man and realize that he doesn’t have what it takes to be Frank. Sure, he’s racist and misogynistic and a murderer, but he’s just some babyfaced 25 year old entitled douche. He doesn’t have Frank’s edge.

They do seem dedicated to getting some weird sex stuff in here. Not full-on Clive Barker I-want-to-fuck-a-porcupine-lady weird, but at least uncomfortable. First there’s a part where Emma plays with the box and starts acting super horny while sitting next to her dead boyfriend’s dad, who tries to hide from his wife that it turns him on. Then in the very next scene Emma brings soup to her brother in bed and they have a sweet talk that turns into them making out. And even before it happens there’s a long, painful sexual tension thing going on where they keep moving closer together. Yuck.

Towards the end they bring in all the HELLRAISER tropes: somebody wearing somebody else’s skin, somebody solving the box, light glowing through the slats of the walls and the Cenobites show up. This is at least the part of the movie where they make it look like a professional horror movie. But it’s still just a dumb standoff. Impostor Pinhead arguing with a kid in pajamas holding a rifle.

There is some gore, if that’s what you’re looking for. A throat gets torn apart, that kind of stuff. I guess that’s why it’s Dimension EXTREME! It’s gross, but nothing new that makes you feel dirty, like those early HELLRAISERS.

It barely has an ending. Pinhead kills the mom and claims that Emma has some dark side to her that “we will be waiting” for. There is little evidence for this except for when she got horny with the older man and the brother. Suddenly she and her dad are back at home, apparently okay, and they hug and she tells him how much she loves him. Then he I guess dies, and she immediately gets the puzzle box and then looks into the camera in a possibly mischievous manner. I really don’t know.


(UPDATE: Except later they did a tenth one called HELLRAISER: JUDGMENT!)

Whoever did the English subtitles on this one was not too enthused about the movie either. Even I was able to follow most of the character’s names, but they just write everybody out as “Man” or “Woman.” In the Mexico scenes when they say basic Spanish phrases like “como esta?” it just says “[foreign language].” Yeah, that’s about the effort this one deserves.

* * *

I’ve enjoyed doing this series of reviews, partly because they span a period of over a quarter century, so each installment has a new context within the history of modern horror. This one came out in 2011, so about six years had passed since HELLWORLD. Researching the notable horror movies that came out just during that gap really gave me more respect for 21st century horror.

Sure, we always think of it as a period of recycling, and there is truth to that. Horror remakes (both of old classics and recent foreign hits) that were released during this period include BLACK XMAS, CHILDREN OF THE CORN (DTV I guess), THE CRAZIES, DAY OF THE DEAD, THE EYE, THE FOG, FRIDAY THE 13TH, THE HILLS HAVE EYES, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, THE INVASION, IT’S ALIVE, MIRRORS, MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, THE OMEN, ONE MISSED CALL, PIRANHA 3D, PROM NIGHT, PULSE, SHUTTER, SORORITY ROW, WHEN A STRANGER CALLS, THE WICKER MAN and THE WOLFMAN.

And of course, this being horror, there have been plenty of sequels (including to a few remakes). These include 28 WEEKS LATER, COLD PREY 2, HATCHET II, FINAL DESTINATION 3 – THE FINAL DESTINATION, THE GRUDGE 2, HALLOWEEN II, THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2, HOSTEL: PART II, SCREAM 4, SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD and SAW II-3D. Also a few prequels such as BEREAVEMENT, COLD PREY 3, HANNIBAL RISING and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING.


Influential to REVELATIONS, of course, were a slew of found footage movies, though not as many as I’d expect. It started with PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, and part 2 also came out during that window. Also there were DIARY OF THE DEAD, LAKE MUNGO, THE LAST EXORCISM, [REC] and its remake QUARANTINE.

Okay, yes, that’s alot of recycling and franchising. But also during that period there were many original movies (or new adaptations of literary material). This is not nearly everything, but I will include some that I like, some that I know have their followings, a couple that everybody hates but I enjoy their craziness. They represent a broad range of subgenres and many countries including France, Australia, Norway, Italy, Britain, Spain and Mexico. They include:


We always like to think they don’t make ’em like they used to, and they don’t. They never do. But this is pretty recent period we’re talking about here and they were still making ’em pretty good. We can be thankful for the times we live in. That’s the real revelation I guess.

Thank you friends for reading these reviews. I hope you got alot of good recommendations for movies to watch, such as only the first two HELLRAISERs, or other movies that were mentioned in the reviews other than the movies that were being reviewed. It’s been good. I had fun. At times.

P.S. if you enjoy this and my other ambitious series of reviews, such as the award-snubbed KID ‘N PLAY: 20 YEARS ON FILM – A CINEMATIC LEGACY, please consider scrolling up and looking at the sidebar for ways to support outlawvern.com such as donations or using my Amazon links when you buy shit (doesn’t even have to be the things I link to). You don’t have to, this is a free country, I’m just asking you to consider it. thanks bud

This entry was posted on Friday, October 23rd, 2015 at 11:06 am and is filed under Horror, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

53 Responses to “Hellraiser: Revelations”

  1. Well done, Vern. You survived the odyssey.

    Seriously though, it’s been a delight to read these.

    Next October, you should consider the Troublesome Night series for next year. There are 19 films, so they should provide plenty of material to work with.

  2. Crushinator Jones

    October 23rd, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    I’m glad this review didn’t end with a Vine of a skinless Vern imploring us to buy all the Hellraiser movies. That’s where I thought this was going.

  3. Great write-up of easily the most inconsistent horror series of all time, in my opinion. To go from the first two to, well, everything else is kind of amazing. I have tried to watch some of those DTV ones and have never been able to get all the way through one of them (I am a huge Clive Barker fan… not sure if that means it’s stranger I couldn’t get through them or if it explains it), so I am definitely thankful that you took the plunge for us, Vern. I’m looking forward to seeing what else you have planned for this last week before Halloween!

  4. Now time to review the newest (old) Scott Adkins movie!!! (Re-Kill)

  5. I rewatched HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE yesterday night for the first time in about 12 years or so thanks to Vern’s review. Enjoyed it more than I remembered this time but I don’t know if I have it in me to dare to give this one a shot. The review makes it sound like a youtube fan video.

  6. Best part of this review:
    “SNL’s Bobby Moynihan as Pinhead”

  7. I did a Hellraiser top to bottom last year, and I think I was pretty jaded after the third one. I think 2 and 3 were pretty all right, but they just got so campy and disjointed after that. It was very hard to make it all the way to the end, but I can proudly say I’m a member of the club.

  8. They should have just used Pseudo-Pinhead as Pinhead and said, ‘Fuck it, he just looks different this time, okay?’

  9. The Original Paul

    October 23rd, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    I dunno Vern. This wasn’t from long ago. They might try a new one. Somehow.

    It says a lot about the impression I’m getting from this series of reviews that I spent thirty-odd seconds trying to work out if that X-Box thing was genuine marketing for this movie. I honestly wouldn’t put it past ’em.

  10. So, long story short only the first 2 HELLRAISERS are good.

    Also, I actually watched THE GRUDGE 2 recently and I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was pretty bad, the only part that really sticks out is the unintentionally hilarious scene where Channing Tatum’s wife chugs milk, regurgitates it back up and chugs it back down.

  11. The Original Paul

    October 24th, 2015 at 7:33 am

    Oooooh! X-Box avatar pinhead is soooo cuuuuuute!

    By far the most adorable little cenobyte I’ve seen today.

  12. I must say “butt-hole” is a very American expression for Clive to use. We all assume this is in the end of the line, but wont they have to make another one of these if they don’t get the remake (which they have been planning *forever*) out in time?

  13. So with Hellraiser wrapped up, I wonder, what’s next? Basket Case? Witchboard? Children of the Corn? Carnosaur?

  14. @Griff

    I just rewatched The Grudge 2 last week myself. It was the end of my Grudge-a-thon (watching the DTV originals, then their theatrical remakes, then their American remakes) and 2 was definitely the least the lot. Especially damning to it is trying to give the curse more of a cliched origin (Kayako is from a Shinto family) and giving it some American horror cliches (bitchy blonde popular girl who gets half-naked). At the moment I have no real interest in the DTV Grudge 3 or the rebooted Ju-On series that just ended in Japan.

    I was thinking of attempting to start a conversation about J-Horror in the comment section of Vern’s old Ring review. I was there when it exploded in the Horror fandom and then when they started making American versions the genre became mainstream and so everyone hated them then. I’ve been rewatching some old J-Horrors and some recent ones and I can say I still enjoy them. The older I get the more I like style and the unconventional and the weird (by our cultures standards though anyway, been reading up on Japanese ghosts and folklore which helps explain some of the weird shit in J-Horror (thought not the evil hair extentions).

    I have not seen Hellraiser: Revelations so I have nothing on-topic to contribute.

  15. I meant to put in a sentence that said I don’t think J-Horror went out just because it went mainstream, it also went out because after Ring, Grudge, and Tomie (also I’d say Pulse) the genre mostly showed everything it had to offer and most everything else coming out of it was just spinning-wheels and rehashing.

  16. Ancient Romans – Those are all pretty inspired potential picks for next Halloween season. I’d also like to see GHOULIES, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS or CRITTERS or even some Full Moon Video staples like SUBSPECIES and DEMONIC TOYS in the future. The SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT series of reviews is still one of my favorites from Vern so the more DTV horror shit he speaks on the better if you ask me.

  17. I think your greatest superpower is reviewing movies that no one in their right mind would want to sit through and then making the reviews required reading for anyone who likes movies. Huzzah sir and rest in peace to the 12 or so hours you spent watching parts 3-9

  18. Vern, serious question: Has your experience watching/enduring the DTV joints given you any more appreciation for the third movie? I mean, you were way harsher on that one than you were any of the DTV ones, and while I haven’t seen them, I can’t imagine it’s worse than those, either as an extension of the Hellraiser mythology or as a standalone horror movie. Does the knowledge of how much worse it can get change anything for you or do you still feel the same about it?

  19. The weird thing about the J horror remake trend is how quickly it dissolved, the last theatrical ones were all the in the year 2008 and absolutely nothing since save for DTV ones (most of which were in 2009)

    Has there ever been a trend in movies that ended so suddenly like that? Of course there is a new RING coming out next year and supposedly a reboot of THE GRUDGE, so Hollywood has seen fit to dust it off, which is interesting.

  20. I don’t necessarily have to wait for Halloween. I have lots of stuff planned for the next few months, but if you guys convince me of another series that would be fun to watch in its entirety I would consider trying to do it sooner than next year.

  21. I think the harshness on part 3 came from having seen it a bunch over the years and always being too easy on it before. Yes, it is way more fun than the DTV ones, but having been made with a big budget and Barker and some of his original collaborators still around it has no excuse for being so bad. Also, being the first bad one in the series after an incredible part 2 is a problem.

  22. Vern, what would it take to get you to review the Highlander films?

  23. That’s a good idea. I’ve only seen the first two.

  24. Vern, thanks for being such a generous writer and a gracious host over the years. I love ya, always have. I was just wondering about the financial stuff and how you stay afloat….I can imagine a writer’s income would be a bit uncertain and whatnot. How do you maintain the site? I know Chris has provided the website, but there’d still be running costs, plus time away from your day job to work on your writing and a lot of personal sacrifices as well. I honestly am amazed at how you do it and I’d like to know that you’re gonna be around for a long time to come….

    And…because you can’t guarantee your readers are gonna donate, have you considered a subscription type deal? Like, have reviews of certain stuff for free, but create a section of the site for Series reviews or other special features for subscribers only? I’m just spitballing and I know you’re famous for your generosity more than anything, but still…

    And, I’m not trying to be a big-noter to anyone, but it makes me happy to donate on a regular basis, which in turn actually increases my own level of appreciation for your writing because I’ve made a personal investment. The way I see it, I stopped buying certain monthly movie magazines a long time ago when I discovered your site, so I can move that over to outlawvern.com.

    Anyway, thanks mate, you’re the best!

  25. The Original Paul

    October 25th, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    HELLRAISER – the first one – is being shown in my local arts cinema in a week’s time. (I say “local” but it’s actually an hour and a bit’s drive away.) I’m tempted to watch it on the big screen with fellow movie fans, but I don’t know if it’s worth the drive.

    Still no sign of THE MAN FROM NOWHERE incidentally. That sucks.

  26. Vern – I just finished all 3 movies in The Omen Series, and think it makes a nice quick and painless Halloween franchise suggestion. It actually works really well as a binge-watch, mainly b/c it sticks to its guns and tells a story with a clear beginning, middle, and end. I really liked checking in on Damien at different ages and seeing what wacky adventures he gets into next. Some story beats and death scenes are kind of repetitive, but i dunno, I kinda smiled every time a person died in a really stupid Final Destination-style way (there’s some HILARIOUS deaths in this series)

    Btw, I know there was an Omen IV TV movie and a remake from the director of Die Hard 5(!) as well, but I’m pretty sure those can be ignored.

  27. The Original Paul

    October 25th, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    Neal – actually the OMEN 4 TV movie is probably a lot more entertaining than OMEN 3, albeit occasionally for unintentional reasons. I do like that you get, not just one, but two evil children. And the evil girl child might be the most unintentionally cute little hellspawn (other than that X-Box Pinhead avatar, of course).

    I’ve seen the remake (don’t judge me) and it’s not as bad as its reputation suggests. The new Mrs Baylock is convincingly creepy, although not (for me) as effective as Billie Whitelaw’s wide-eyed sullen ironic subservience. And there’s a murder in the original OMEN that is absolutely not given justice in the remake.

    For me, the main problem in both THE OMEN 3 and the OMEN remake is Damien. In both cases the actor playing him looks freakishly psychotic. Who in their right minds would ever be an acolyte of Sam Neill in THE OMEN 3? Maybe this is just me, but Lucifer was known for his incredible good looks, and I’ve always associated the idea of the devil with magnetic charisma. The devil of THE OMEN 3 is a dogma-obsessed bureaucratic weirdo with a permascowl that you’d probably cross the road to avoid if you saw him coming along the street. Not exactly cult leader material.

  28. The Sweet Sixteen review prompted me to consult the alphabetical list, and I discovered that the O.G. Halloween series is, aside from solo reviews of III and Resurrection, represented only by a group review of 1-3, 5-H20 from 16 years ago! A new appraisal would probably turn up a lot of insights, be a lot of fun.

  29. That is a great idea. I just ran the series a few weeks ago (well, the Michael ones) and would love to hear Vern’s thoughts.

    Particularly on Part 6. Yeesh. That fuckin’ movie. You know, call me crazy, but it’s almost like having Introducing Paul Rudd put some rocks in a circle around the unstoppable killer and say a magic spell so that he lies down in a hallway for a few minutes isn’t that satisfying a climax to a movie.

  30. AnimalRamirez1976

    October 25th, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    I really feel that the Nico-Steven relationship could have been the basis of a good HELLRAISER movie. There is always something upsetting about seeing a weak person being browbeaten into doing things they know are wrong by a dominant personality. Like HELLWORLD was a SCREAM ripoff, this one started biting HOSTEL and then the last act was some kind of FUNNY GAMES-like home invasion movie, but there was some genuine HELLRAISER-esque stuff squeezed in the middle and tacked on at the end. That’s not nothing. Or I’ll put it this way: it was no HELLSEEKER. HELLSEEKER was the worst.

  31. Man I feel like if they couldn’t get doug to come back for Pinhead, they should have just gone completely new with him. Like get him as far away from Bradley’s pinhead so we’re not subconciously comparing it.
    Say if they got that Pesudo Pinhead dude and he was just Pinhead in this movie. Give him a voice that is completely apart from Bradleys booming baritone, like something raspy or shit. Then it would be a lot easier to accept that ‘this is a new pinhead’ instead of ‘this is some dude cosplaying as pinhead’

  32. My Halloween highlight has been a long overdue rewatch of the grubby little gutterslut of a thing called BASKET CASE. Man, they don’t make em like this anymore. It’s given me inspiration for how to handle the pain in the arse trick or treaters who are gonna come a knockin – I’m dressing my girlfriends handbag dog up in a Belial suit, shoving him in a wicker basket with the candy, uncover him as the kids go for the treats, then watch them run. Trick or treat motherfuckers!

    I’d like to get to the sequels someday, but I haven’t heard great things about them.

  33. Paul- I´ve had the same problem with THE EVIL DEAD series. They were last weekend screening the trilogy in Malmö, but I just couldn´t bring myself to go there, even tough a trainride takes less than an hour to get there so I couldn´t be bothered. Apparently they are screening the pilot for ASH VS EVIL DEAD midnight 31st. I´m not sure two hours worth of train riding is worth to see half an hour of television.

  34. Poeface, I never saw any of the BASKET CASE movies, but I saw the trailer for part 3 yesterday and I now really wanna watch this one!

  35. CJ, yeah it got me out of my bad mood after I dummy spat the other day about modern retrosploitation. BASKET CASE and Henenlotters other gems FRANKENHOOKER and BRAIN DAMAGE clearly came from an umm..damaged brain.

  36. Isn’t the trailer for BASKET CASE 3 like 5 minutes long? Never saw any of them, but the trailers for 2&3 used to turn up on a lot of DVDs in the UK by some cheapie company who released a lot of low budget films. I loved the end of the trailer for BASKET CASE 2; “he’s very excited about meeting you!”

  37. It was more 2 1/2 minutes and I wouldn’t be surprised if it gave away the best parts, but damn, it looked like fun!

  38. This is the trailer I remember. It does look fun, but I always suspected I’d be more of a Part II guy (I never saw any trailers for the first, could rectify that right this second, but I might as well post this now)

  39. Sorry, this;


    The original Trailer from 1991 in High Definition. Best thing about, you didn't need to watch the movie anymore. Original: Basket Case 3 - The Progeny Countr...

  40. That looks nuts! I’ve gotta see the sequels now.

  41. I was sold from the trailer on BC3 when I saw Belial in the Ripley-Taking-On-The-QueenAlien-Outfit. ” Grrhhaagghh away from herghhhh you bhhhiiiitcchhh!”…is what I’m sure he says in that scene.

  42. AnimalRamirez1976

    October 28th, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    The EXORCIST series might be interesting to review. The the films have a fascinating genealogy, with two completely different prequels, a sequel (supposedly) so terrible that it was disavowed, a movie for tv “based” on the same “actual” events that “inspired” the book and original film, and two other sequels directed by the author of the original book, one of which isn’t really a sequel, although he considers it one. You could write a PhD thesis on the interaction between canon and apocrypha here. These films have also always attracted a high level of talent, with William Friedkin, John Boorman, John Frankenheimer, Paul Schrader and Renny Harlin all working on them in some capacity.

  43. Hey Vern, did you see the NO MORE SOULS short film by Tunnecliffe that was on the HELLRAISER: DEADER DVD? It’s nothing mind-blowing, but it’s better written and more faithful to the original movies than this… thing. I couldn’t believe the part where Emma decides to crack open a dictionary and real aloud the definition of the word Cenobite.

    It’s also funny to see how the Lament Configuration becomes progressively easier to solve as the series goes on. In the original story opening the box requires the single-minded zeal of a dedicated pervert. By the later DTV entries the box just pops open if you accidentally drop it on the floor or look at it the wrong way.

    Any fans of this series who also enjoy reading childrens comic strip books should check out the CLIVE BARKER’S HELLRAISER series by BOOM! Studios from 2011 (the same year this contractual-obligation-disguised-as-a-movie was farted out). They’re essentially a direct sequel to HELLRAISER II and since they’re co-written by Barker they’re way more faithful to his vision than most of the movies.

  44. Really surprised no one has commented on the two lead guys being named Nick and Steven!

  45. Damn spell check…Nico and Steven!!

  46. To think I hesitated. I needed to watch this shit to acknowledge and have a higher appreciation of cinema as art. This pain has transcended me!

  47. “Well. at least it is not found footage. Christ…” That´s me quoting myself from watching HELLSEEKER. And how does this pile of infinite dogshit starts?

    Well, it is done. No more! My quest is over.

  48. Shoot: What is your pleasure?

    Just finished this one. Damn… I couldn’t help but feel that all the talk about how this is the worst one after finally watching the past ones were typical exaggeration. Nope. This one is the worst. I let my guard down after kinda enjoying HELLWORLD for being so wrong-headed (in terms of the franchise) and corny. I mean I can’t disagree that it is the HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION and it’s arguably the worst of the franchise in terms of it missing the point but it gave enjoyment and I wasn’t bored. I have nothing to say about REVELATIONS. A horrid remake (?) reboot (?) sequel (?) that almost acts as a gross fan-parody of what a Platinum Dunes remake of HELLRAISER would’ve been like.

    So after watching all the HELLRAISERs all I guess all I can ask is… whose ready for HELLRAISER: JUDGEMENT!?

  49. I’m going to be the one that says I enjoyed Hellraiser: Revelations. Sue me. I’m not going to fight over it. I’ll save that battle for another movie lol

    Skani, I watched Urban Legends tonight because it was easy to find. I’ll check out Valentine sometime this week. The music for Urban Legends is so loud and over the top.

  50. Welp. I guess we all know now what you’ll choose when asked ‘pleasure or pain?’ OOOOOOOOOO

    I will give REVELATIONS this, at least it TRIED to bring it back to the Barker roots unlike the other DTV sequels that seemed to not want anything to do with them. So much so it was super-easy to believe those rumors that the scripts were just generic JACOB LADDER wannabe scripts (HELLWORLD exempt because it went for a totally different type of generic awfulness) laying around that they slapped Pinhead onto. You can’t accuse this one of that! So in that way it’s way better than the others but on the other hand it’s trying so hard to be a HELLRAISER movie for realz it just highlights even more how far the series has fallen. Dammit Stern now you have me feeling kinda bad for it!

  51. My temporary excitement over hearing the phrase “HELLRAISER: JUDGEMENT” was immediately dashed upon learning that Doug Bradley isn’t back, and as near as I can tell wasn’t even offered. No Doug Bradley, no HELLRAISER. I’m sorry thats just how it works.

    Still, there’s reason for hope: from an interview he did in June of this year:

    “I’m pretty relaxed about other actors playing the role,” he explained. “I made a conscious choice to turn Revelations down and did so for a variety of reasons. I finally watched it at the beginning of last year. It fully vindicated my decision to reject it. Judgment is slightly different in that the decision was effectively taken out of my hands and I didn’t even get to read the screenplay. The movie will have to be released before I get a chance to see it. I won’t be racing to watch it, but I won’t avoid it either.”

    Bradley added, “Since I turned down both movies, it follows that I knew other actors would get to play the part. Good luck to them. I don’t know about ’taking over’, either: enjoying temporary ownership, maybe.”

    [Exclusive] Doug Bradley On What it Would Take to Play Pinhead One More Time - Bloody Disgusting

    When you think about it, it's pretty crazy that the Hellraiser franchise has been going on for so long and yet hasn't gotten a remake/reboot. A full thirty

  52. Hey guys I just watched HELLRAISER JUDGEMENT!! Here is my review drawn in blood

    i am hell help me

    I read a review where the guy said ‘Wow it’s 2018 and they’re still ripping off SEVEN and the SAW series.’ That’s as good a summation as any. If you thought the years of pursuing the Internet to see what people think of the post-2/3 movies and especially the DTV video ones would produce a better movie, nope.

    Yet again we get another shitty-ass morality play. It legitimately feels like it is nostalgic for the f***ing DTV sequels more than the original two. We even get Pinhead’s supervisor or some shit in this one which doubles-down on his new role as moral avenger and upholder.

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