"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Archive for the ‘Crime’ Category

Don’t Look Back (1996)

Thursday, July 23rd, 2026

July 13, 1996

DON’T LOOK BACK is a straight-to-HBO movie, but I thought it might be worth watching because it’s directed by Geoff Murphy (THE QUIET EARTH) between his two great sequels, UNDER SIEGE 2: DARK TERRITORY and FORTRESS 2, and it’s written by Tom Epperson & Billy Bob Thornton & William Petrowitch. The latter doesn’t have any other credits, but the first two of course wrote ONE FALSE MOVE (and later THE GIFT, CAMOUFLAGE and JAYNE MANSFIELD’S CAR). Thornton (DEAD MAN) is also in the movie as one of the villains, and this was his last movie before making SLING BLADE and becoming famous and shit.

Jesse Parish (Eric Stoltz, THE FLY II) is an L.A. deadbeat and heroin enthusiast who carries around a guitar case and occasionally strums. One night while broke and in withdrawal he witnesses a drug deal going sour in a parked car. Skipper (Dwight Yoakam, RED ROCK WEST) shoots at a guy and then chases after him, leaving a flung-open briefcase spewing money unattended. Jesse sneaks over, scoops it up, runs off. I like how Skipper yells “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” like he caught somebody keying his car or something. Jesse escapes using Donkey Kong tactics (rolling garbage cans down a hill at him), but Skipper hears somebody yell his name. (read the rest of this shit…)

Striptease

Friday, July 3rd, 2026

June 28, 1996

STRIPTEASE was one of the most derided movies of 1996, and the winner of six Razzies including Worst Picture. There is no question in my mind that that particular distinction can be attributed to the Razzie’s usual misogynistic and puritanical hatred of sexuality. The winners of the previous three years were INDECENT PROPOSAL, COLOR OF NIGHT and SHOWGIRLS. Hollywood could have listened to them, but instead here was Demi Moore briefly nude and showing off her body in tame but sexually provocative dances – this could not stand. She had to be punished. That’s what those fuckers were like back then, and much of society went along with it. (In fact, it also won top honors at the competing “Stinkers Bad Movie Awards.”)

I think when you look at Moore’s performance with today’s eyes it’s impressive: she clearly put alot of work into getting into ridiculous shape and learning to dance, similar to the dedication she would show a year later for a very different but also physically challenging role in G.I. JANE. (which the Razzies would also give her Worst Actress for, the absolute clowns). And she makes the character grounded and sincere. I like her in it. Unfortunately, the worst guy you know sometimes makes a good point, and I have to concede that STRIPTEASE is not a good movie.

Moore plays Erin Grant, who started working as an exotic dancer at the Eager Beaver in Miami after she was fired from her job as a secretary at the FBI. She’s trying to save up the money to appeal her child custody case because her ex Darrell (Robert Patrick, DOUBLE DRAGON) has their 7-year-old Angela (Rumer Willis in her second movie) and uses her as bait for his scam of stealing and reselling wheelchairs. But then some unrelated trouble falls into Erin’s lap. (I would make some kind of lapdance reference here, but I’m too proud. So forget it.) (read the rest of this shit…)

Lone Star

Thursday, July 2nd, 2026

June 21, 1996

LONE STAR is the summer of ’96 joint from John Sayles, a limited release but made $13 million on a budget much lower than that, and well reviewed. Roger Ebert called it “a great American movie, one of the few to seriously try to regard with open eyes the way we live now… the best work yet by one of our most original and independent filmmakers.”

I must confess that to this day I’m not acquainted enough with Sayles’ work; I respect that he wrote PIRANHA, BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, ALLIGATOR, THE HOWLING, etc., but his earliest directorial work I’ve seen is still THE BROTHER FROM ANOTHER PLANET (which I love), so I don’t have a full picture of these dramas that are his main thing. In the ‘90s, though, I was at an open minded age and trying to see the Important New Works, so I saw both THE SECRET OF ROAN INISH and LONE STAR when they played indie theaters. I barely remember them, other than that I thought they were good, so I guess they weren’t the specific type of good that made a strong impression on me in those days. (They weren’t THE PHANTOM.)

Many still consider LONE STAR one of Sayles’ best, it’s in the Criterion Collection, and I was excited to revisit it as a more wisened, soon to be wizened being. Yeah, it’s a good movie, and I think I was probly much more interested in analyzing its themes than I was before. But I have to admit that it still gives me more of an academic “that was good, that was interesting” feeling than a heartfelt “god damn, I’m gonna watch that again.” Maybe if some of you love it you can talk me up on it. (read the rest of this shit…)

Switchblade Sisters

Thursday, June 25th, 2026

SWITCHBLADE SISTERS is from 1975, but I’m considering it Slam Evil Summer, because it was re-released June 15, 1996, thanks to Quentin Tarantino’s fandom and his label Rolling Thunder Pictures. It’s directed by Jack Hill (SPIDER BABY, COFFY, FOXY BROWN), and it’s his penultimate movie as a director (the last being SORCERESS in 1982).

I did not see this in a theater, I had to wait to rent the VHS, but it must’ve been a great time with the right audience. It starts off so strong with the wah-wah infused theme song “Black Hearted Woman” playing over a documentary-style black and white photo montage of tough ladies in a world of boarded up houses covered in graffiti. Establishing the landscape.

And then it says “Music by MEDUSA”? What kind of badass group is that!? (Apparently it’s frequent Roger Corman composer and lounge music pioneer Les Baxter.) I’m not sure who took the photos, but the credited title designer is Bill Levey, director of BLACKENSTEIN and MONACO FEVER. His IMDb bio says he was childhood friends with James Dean, hung out with Elvis and discovered Patrick Swayze (who he directed in SKATETOWN U.S.A.).

(read the rest of this shit…)

Carolina Caroline

Monday, June 22nd, 2026

This may be shocking to hear, but the entertainment industry in my opinion employs a high number of attractive people. And by my estimation Samara Weaving (AZRAEL) is one of the ones who excel even among that group. Add to that the fact that she came up through horror (Ash vs. Evil Dead, READY OR NOT) and doesn’t seem to have turned her back on it, plus she’s funny and almost always picks movies that seem like something I would watch, whether or not they end up being worthy of her, so she’s a real human being who seems like some nerd could’ve WEIRD SCIENCEd her into reality. Being too good to be true was even part of the premise of THE BABYSITTER, where she exploited the heterosexual vulnerabilities of the teenage protagonist as well as anyone who may or may not be watching at home who is impressed by her BILLY JACK fandom. And now she seems to be on a crime movie kick! Fellas, are we being catfished?

I hope I can confess those feelings without being diminishing of her talents, because she’s also very good at what she does, and her new one CAROLINE CAROLINE is no exception. This is a little different from what we usually see from her, even her last one EENIE MEANIE, because it’s the type of crime movie that wants to be more like BADLANDS than like TRUE ROMANCE. It could exist even if Tarantino had never made a movie. (Not that that would be a fair trade off.) (read the rest of this shit…)

The Christophers

Wednesday, April 29th, 2026

THE CHRISTOPHERS is the latest Steven Soderbergh/Ed Solomon collaboration (after the mini-series’ Mosaic and Full Circle and the movie NO SUDDEN MOVE) and it’s another great one. It feels weird to say that it might be the best of them, because it’s so simple in its elements; it revolves around two characters talking in one location. It could definitely work as a play, but it feels much bigger than PRESENCE, Soderbergh’s 2024 limited location movie that could absolutely only work as a movie.

It contains many marks of a Soderbergh movie – the efficient editing, the David Holmes score, the elevation of a really interesting but not-yet-superstar actor, a confidence in the audience being able to figure things out – but it doesn’t feel like a repeat. In a way it’s a caper movie, but not at all like OUT OF SIGHT or an OCEAN’S or LOGAN LUCKY. It’s a serious character drama, but I laughed quite a bit. It’s full of suspense and twists, but I wouldn’t call it a thriller. It’s a story that brings up ideas about art and people, but in ways that aren’t too specific for us to interpret and puzzle over like one of the paintings the movie is about. And if you enjoy the powerhouse acting I came out thinking no one will see this and Ian McKellen will still get nominated. And that Michaela Coel might deserve one in a role that’s more about just reacting to him. (read the rest of this shit…)

Normal

Tuesday, April 21st, 2026

Last week I asked Mrs. Vern if she’d want to see the new Bob Odenkirk action movie from the same writer as JOHN WICK and NOBODY. She loves both of those movies as much as I do (and Odenkirk going back to the Mr. Show days) so of course she did. Then on Saturday, as we were getting ready to go, she asked “What is this movie called, by the way?” I guess I’d sold her on it pretty much the same way I would a new Jason Statham – just the new Bob Odenkirk action movie. I hope he does another one and the poster says “ODENKIRK” at the top in giant letters.

NORMAL opens in Osaka, with a great Japanese cover of Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid” and a group of Yakuza atoning for some type of failure by cutting off a pinky and accepting a new job. The job sends them to some small American town called Normal, Minnesota.

Odenkirk does not play one of the Yakuza. He plays Ulysses Richardson, also a fuckup arriving in Normal for a shit job, though in narration he tries to sell it to us as a pretty good one. He’s the interim sheriff, because the old one died, so he’s there to stamp forms and maintain the status quo for the five weeks until the election. He’s playing dumb a little, though. He acts like there’s nothing suspicious, but we see his eyebrows raising at various red flags. We even see him looking at the sheriff’s death certificate and later quizzing the guy who signed it. I’m sure it’s nothing, though. Don’t worry about it. (read the rest of this shit…)

You Can’t Win (2026)

Wednesday, February 18th, 2026

ZERO EXTERNAL REVIEWS ON IMDB

I watched a curious new movie that nobody else seems to know about. Just came out on DVD yesterday, no fanfare whatsoever, and I couldn’t find any reviews or even promo photos of it. It says “based on the bestselling book by Jack Black,” but I don’t think it’s trying to trick us into thinking that’s the same Jack Black from I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. This one spent his life riding the rails and stealing, and then he wrote a memoir about it that was published by Macmillan in 1926. I admit that I never heard of it before, but it seems it was a sensation in its time and it’s stayed enough of a cult book that it was reprinted by Amok Press. Apparently William S. Burroughs read it when he was a kid and cited it as an inspiration. (This was before Encyclopedia Brown.)

That seems like a book I should read, but more relevant for this moment it sounds like good source material for a potentially interesting movie. And what really sold me on it is that it’s directed by Robinson Devor, whose debut was the excellent Charles Willeford adaptation THE WOMAN CHASER. He also did the documentary ZOO that some of you might remember me reviewing for The Ain’t It Cool News.

YOU CAN’T WIN is kind of like an evil cousin to TRAIN DREAMS. It’s another hazy, non-linear contemplation of a quiet, simple man’s life in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Both were filmed and partially set in Washington state, and IMDb says they share nine crew members, plus Will Patton (THE POSTMAN), who appears on screen this time, he’s not the narrator. Both movies include problematic encounters with Chinese immigrants (this guy gets caught trying to steal from James Hong). But while Mr. Train Dreams spent his life working what was considered an honest job and yearning to be home with his family, this Jack Black does nothing but crimes for most of his life, always riding the rails, never sticking in one place except when he gets locked up. He does have a girlfriend at one point, he finds her on a river bank crying, she seems like an interesting character who says her name is Annie but implies that’s not her real name. I believe they stick together for a while, but whether that can be measured in weeks or years I couldn’t tell you, because those sorts of things are never made very clear in this movie. (read the rest of this shit…)

The Mastermind

Monday, February 9th, 2026

Kelly Reichardt’s THE MASTERMIND is in a niche that really appeals to me: the unglamorous crime tale. It’s about an art heist, but there are zero Hollywood-style thrills involved, no witty dialogue, no gun fights, not much in the way of car chases. They seem like regular people, the plan isn’t complicated at all, lots of attention is paid to the slow, mundane details of the process. It’s a period piece, set in 1970 – that’s pretty cool. But it’s not, like… ’70s New York or anything. It’s Framingham, Massachusetts. The one very smart concession to cinematic fantasy is an excellent avant-garde jazz score by Rob Mazurek of Chicago Underground. He plays cornet and I think there’s some piano but sometimes it’s just drums, and it does make everything seem pretty cool.

Josh O’Connor (one of the CHALLENGERS) plays JB, our titular ringleader. The opening scene is a really good introduction to what the movie’s gonna be like, because it’s him in an art museum during regular hours, pretending to look at the art while scoping out how things are secured, how sleepy the security guard is, etc. There’s a mom with two kids there, and one of the kids is going on and on about a code breaking puzzle involving an alien language and how to translate some of the alien words by asking questions with yes or no answers. It’s great because it’s clear this is a kid really trying to explain this idea in his own words, and getting genuinely nerdy about it. A level of kid authenticity not common film. (read the rest of this shit…)

Bugonia

Monday, January 19th, 2026

BUGONIA is the 2025 movie from director Yorgos Lanthimos, who just did POOR THINGS in 2023 and then KINDS OF KINDNESS in 2024. I can’t even keep up with the guy! This one’s a little different because it’s a remake of the 2003 South Korean film SAVE THE GREEN PLANET!. By all accounts it’s great, but I still haven’t seen it, so calculate that in if you’re trying to figure out how much you’ll like this.

I assumed it was a situation like Spike Lee’s OLDBOY where producers were trying to do the English language version for some reason and found an auteur to do it, but it turns out this would’ve been original director Jang Joon-hwan remaking his own movie if he hadn’t gotten sick and handed the reins (and the script by Will Tracy [THE MENU, former editor in chief of The Onion]) over to Lanthimos. Jang is still an executive producer, along with Ari Aster and others.

Nevertheless it feels very Lanthimos, and reunites him with Emma Stone and Jesse Plemons, plus his team of cinematographer Robbie Ryan, editor Yorgos Mavropsaridis, composer Jerskin Fendrix and production designer James Price. I wouldn’t consider it a work-for-hire. (read the rest of this shit…)