"I take orders from the Octoboss."


A note about poetry:

To be frankly honest i have always thought poetry was for fairies. But since i have decided to become a Writer i have decided to open my mind to MANY new things, you would be surprised actually.

I have found out there are many good poets who were MEN, for example Edgar Allen Poe was a known poet. He was struggling with alcohol like myself and attracted to darkness, however i would like to think he overcame the BULLSHIT before his death in the 1800s.

I have been told that poetry does NOT have to rhyme which is why some of my poems are in “free verse”, a style of poetry without rhymes. Poems are a way to express a man’s thoughts straight from the heart without stopping to follow the Rules of english, writing sentences and that kind of thing. so of course poems are actually pretty fucking cool for a life long outlaw like yours truly!

BUT, and I want to be clear on this, I think free verse is pretty fucking stupid in my opinion. i am doing it to start out HOWEVER, it is a crutch for people who can’t write worth shit in my opinion. As a general rule, people who write free verse are not real Writers. As my writing improves i will DEFINITELY be writing ONLY poems that rhyme, i.e. REAL POEMS.

Thanks guys, here are my poems.

New poem added 12/29/99

This new piece I just added is very personal to me, it is a piece about a true incident from my childhood. To be frankly honest I think this type of reflection and self examination and what not is very important to a Writer. I think the Writing of the piece is very important to my growth both as a Poet, a Writer and as a human being. This is just another step in my journey although I promise I’m not turning soft on you, it’s just like I said I’m growing is all.

I think you will be surprised to see this gentle side of ol’ Vern that maybe a few of you motherfuckers didn’t even know I had in me. However that said I was just a little boy at the time this happened you piece of shit, this does not reflect on Vern right here and now a few days before the big 2000 changeover, and I am not the type of guy to roll over on you, I will break off your fucking arms if it comes to that.

As you can see I am continuing to work on my wording and especially rhyming. Rhyming is very important to poetry in my opinion unless you are some kind of free verse pussy. This is a very short poem but if you pay special attention to the word economy I think you will find that it is very good word economy that I have accomplished here in this new work in my opinion.


When I was just a little child

I found a raccoon in the wild

I brought him home into my house

And dressed him up like Mickey Mouse


The Cage

Metal bars and ce-ment floors

Heavy locks upon the doors

Spoons are sharpened into knives

Buildings filled with ruined lives

Empty eyes give icy looks

Lifting weights, ignoring books

Angry cons, no-thing to lose

Picking fights with bitter screws

Taken, locked inside a pit

By yourself you cry and sit

Shake and shiver like a bitch

Loneliness as thick as pitch

Mumbling nonsense on your bench

Soaking in the urine stench

Three days later you see light

Freedom from the endless night

Still you’re locked inside a cell

Sure don’t seem too far from Hell

Locked away from human sight

Just surviving is a fight

I’m talking about prison here by the way

Ode to toothpick charlie

Toothpick Charlie, a tall wiry guy

Some dudes got forearms bigger than his thigh

Toothpick promised everybody they’d get high

Stupid motherfuckers didn’t look him in the eye

I would’ve understood if he just got banked

Growing up with pops I’m sure he got spanked

Poor motherfucker, he never got thanked

For giving us his nutmeg before he got shanked

Cons inside gotta learn how to barter

They not playing fair and it keeps getting harder

Twenty five to life, still wasn’t in the charter

For toothpick charlie become a fucking martyr

R.I.P. Toothpick Charlie

Alcohol Al

by Vernon H.


Free from the cage, after all these years

The sweet, sweet wind in the sky

Fuckin’ beautiful

Steering the straight path

I’m not going down again, no fucking way

But there’s one thing i remember

My old man, the drunk

That’s when the biggest, baddest monkey motherfucker you ever seen

climbs up on your back

i’m not talking about no curious george or chim chim

thiis is ALCOHOL AL, waiting for you to bend over

ready to squirt his alcohol semen up your cornhole

he’s a king kong looking motherfucker with vodka breath

Scarier than any pig (cop)

Scarier than any nightmare

And you don’t even know he’s on your back

cause he’s quiet as a god damn ninja

Well I say, fuck alcohol al

I hope i never see his ugly ass again

If your looking for trouble alcohol al

this is your lucky day, motherfucker

because you just met the dude that’s gonna rip your tail off

and shove it up your furry ass

FUCK YOU alcohol al!

i’ve taken on badder guys than you in the joint

In prison there are three people you gotta look out for:

Blacks, white supremists and fags

in that order

Do you see monkeys on that list? FUCK NO

i’ll hang you with your own tail

I’m ready, motherfucker

bring it on janey