SUPER is the landmark thirty-seventh movie about “what if somebody really tried to be a super hero?” But this one was made by James Gunn, the Troma guy turned SCOOBY DOO screenwriter who got some cred when he wrote the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake and then directed SLITHER. Looks like he’s had trouble getting anything off the ground since then (I guess the suits didn’t go for his take on Pepe Le Pew) so he made this one independently like he used to do, but maybe with some more skills and connections he’s made in the big leagues. For example the bit part of the lady at the pet store is played by Linda Cardellini from E.R., because she was Velma in SCOOBY DOO. (That was weird, I thought that character would come back or something, but no. She’s just a pet store lady.) (more…)
Posts Tagged ‘Kevin Bacon’
Super
Wednesday, August 10th, 2011
X-Men First Class
Sunday, June 5th, 2011
Huh. Turns out Professor X and Magneto started out working with the CIA. You know what that means, don’t you? PHOENIX WAS AN INSIDE JOB.
X-MEN FIRST CLASS is the new X-MEN prequel that I guess they made to save money on the cast and to appeal to today’s young audiences, who despise baldies and cripples. So Professor Xavier, Magneto, Mystique and Beast return played by younger, hair-sporting, wheelchair-free actors to tell the story of what went down with the mutants during the Cuban Missile Crisis and before the founding of Professor Xavier’s Fancy School For Tots Who Shoot Beams.
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Elephant White
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011
Did you know that Prachya Pinkaew, the director of ONG BAK and CHOCOLATE, was making an English language movie starring Djimon Hounsou and Kevin Bacon? I didn’t either until a screener wound up in my hands. It’s yet another weird, internationally produced DTV action movie from Millennium Films. (This is an early heads-up review – it comes out May 17th on DVD.)
Hounsou plays Curtie Church, a mercenary hired to take out some sex traffickers in Bangkok to avenge the death of a guy (who played a similar character in THE MARINE 2)’s daughter. Turns out Church being manipulated to start a war between two gangs, so he gets caught in the middle. A young girl from the brothel follows him to his bell tower hideout. To protect his mission he gags her and ties her to a pole, only to eventually (you better sit down and swallow all liquids first, this will surprise you) soften up and start trying to help her out.
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Death Sentence
Sunday, September 30th, 2007Kevin Bacon plays a regular ol’ businessman guy whose son is randomly murdered in a gang initiation killing/convenience story robbery by tattoo-having, muscle car-driving, meth-dealing fantasy skinhead gangsters. When it becomes clear that the killer will only get a few years in prison he decides not to testify so that the case will be dropped and then he hunts the guy down and murders him. That is why it is called DEATH SENTENCE. The end. (more…)
Mystic River
Saturday, January 1st, 2005When I saw the first trailer for MYSTIC RIVER I practically flipped out. I guess not like one of those “geek-gasms” my bud Harold Knowles talks about but more like getting goose-shivers or the hair standing up on your balls or whatever the saying is. I already knew it had cleaned up at the Whatsisdick Film Festival over there in wherever it was, and that it was directed by my man Clint, who actually did the narration for this trailer. There was no scenes from the movie, just a helicopter shot of the town with the narration and then the credits start telling me, okay: Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden, Laura Linney… and then it says, “A Film by Clint Eastwood.” It gives you no clue what it’s about really, just shows you the setting and tells you the players and figures that if that’s not enough for you then you must be an asshole. “That’s all I need to know,” I said, but really I already knew more – that it was written by oscar winner Brian Helgeland, director of outlaw award winner PAYBACK.
I mean I was very excited for this picture so naturally what I did was, I put off seeing it for months and then when I finally did see it I was kind of disappointed.
Don’t get me wrong though, it’s a pretty good one. Just not by Clint standards. The whole cast is great, especially Mr. Penn as the ex-con who has to deal with his daughter being murdered and then with the suspicion that it might’ve been a childhood friend that did it. Pretty depressing, of course, but especially since it all stems back to a childhood incident where Tim-Robbins-as-a–kid gets kidnapped and molested. I always say, any movie that starts out with child molesting is gonna be kind of a bummer, in my opinion. (more…)
Hollow Man
Monday, August 7th, 2000You know what I fucking HATE? Chlamydia.
Just my 2 cents.
Anyway this week is an exciting week because for the first time in my career, I get to review a movie that one of my dedicated readers actually worked on. You see one of my best readers has been working over there in the tippet special effects studios where they did the starship troopers and etc. He has mentioned to me several times that they were working on a movie called Hollow Man. I think I mentioned this in my “summer movie preview” but when he saw some footage coming back he told me it looked like something they didn’t have to be embarrassed of. And I thought, that sounds like a good fucking movie.
Well now I’ve seen it and it looks like the “critical” “establishment” doesn’t agree with me on this one, but I think Hollow Man is some kind of moronic masterpiece. Well, they do agree with the moronic part. So I guess we are almost on the same page.
This is a movie about the actor Kevin Bacon, only in here he is a hot shot scientist inventor man instead of actor. When the story begins he has a pet invisible gorilla. He has already invented an invisibility serum using military funding but is still trying to “crack reversion,” which is fake movie science lingo for “make him not invisible anymore.”
Now let me be perfectly clear, this is another one of those god damn hollywood scientist action movies. It has all of that annoying dialogue like in jurassic park, twister, titanic, deep blue sea and etc., where all the scientists say all of their cool guy science lingo to each other. And there is one funny guy and a laid back guy who is more casual and listens to a walkman. And they all have a morbid sense of gallows type humor, where they make little wisecracks about how crazy each other are and how great they themselves are and how dangerous it is what they’re doing but they don’t care because they’re cool scientists with dark senses of humor. Then they stand in a control room and clickety clickety clack on a computer with fancy animated thingies and sound effects and they start yelling all the scientifical stuff at each other. “Bio-overloads are degrading… down to 96% code red level 7B… heart rate rising… WE’RE LOSING HER! SERVO-INJECTOR STATUS 300%! CLEAR! Pulse diameter stabilizing. Cellular structure breaking up… we don’t have much time… we have liftoff!” Or whatever. Well shit I probaly flunked science but I still have a hunch this is not the true lingo they use in real life invisible man experiments. (more…)
