Posts Tagged ‘sort of remakes’
Friday, February 3rd, 2017
CABO BLANCO, or CABOBLANCO, or “Caboblanco – where legends are born…” as it actually says onscreen, is a 1980 kind-of-remake of CASABLANCA starring Charles Bronson. It’s his third collaboration with ST. IVES and WHITE BUFFALO director J. Lee Thompson (THE GUNS OF NAVARONE, CAPE FEAR, CONQUEST OF/BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, THE EVIL THAT MEN DO, DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN), and in my opinion definitely not their best.
I guess the producer’s first choice to star was Paul Newman, who couldn’t do it so he suggested Steve McQueen, who was sick so he suggested Bronson. I guess if you have to have somebody fill in for Humphrey Bogart, it would be one of those guys, and Bronson might be the best for it. He plays the admirably named Giff Hoyt, who can’t return to the U.S. for unspecified reasons and instead runs a fancy hotel bar on the coast of Peru. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Camilla Sparv, Charles Bronson, Denny Miller, Dominique Sanda, Fernando Rey, J. Lee Thompson, Jason Robards, Jerry Goldsmith, sort of remakes
Posted in Action, Reviews | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, October 18th, 2016
THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN (2014) is not exactly a remake of the cult classic, and not exactly a sequel. It starts with a narrated montage about the real life 1946 unsolved murder spree and the filming of the 1976 movie about it. And then it’s a fictional story in the same town of Texarkana circa 2013 and the annual Halloween night drive-in showing of the original movie.
A young couple, Jami (Addison Timlin, DERAILED) and Corey (Spencer Treat Clark, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, and Bruce Willis’s son in UNBREAKABLE) are on a first date, but she doesn’t like this kind of movie, so they leave. To me they were immediately likable enough to be the leads, so as I watched them drive away I told myself I better not get used to them, they’re gonna be the ones that get killed at the beginning to kick off the story. Sure enough they go park and out of the woods comes a guy with a bag on his head just like the infamous local serial killer nicknamed “The Phantom.” (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Addison Timlin, Alfonso Gomez-Rejon, Anthony Anderson, Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, slashers, sort of remakes, Spencer Treat Clark, Travis Tope
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 12 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2012
SILENT NIGHT is the latest killer Santa movie, directed by Steven C. Miller (AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION, THE AGGRESSION SCALE) and written by Jayson Rothwell (Van Damme’s SECOND IN COMMAND). I hear it’s supposed to be a remake of SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, although I didn’t notice it in the credits. There are only two things I spotted that identify it as such:
1. they redo the unforgettable impaled-on-hunting-trophy death of Linnea Quigley’s character from the original
2. the end credits have a punk version of “Silent Night” where they changed the “holy night” lyric to “deadly night”
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Christmas, Christmas horror, Cortney Palm, Donal Logue, Jaime King, killer Santa, Lisa Marie, Malcolm McDowell, sort of remakes
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 70 Comments »
Friday, May 11th, 2012
Remember everybody, Sunday is Mother’s Day. If your old gal is still around and on speaking terms you might want to send her some flowers or a fruit basket or whatever. Or if you got one of these mothers who’s real big on SAW II-IV, REPO THE GENETIC OPERA and 11-11-11 then I definitely recommend surprising her with the DVD or blu-ray of this new sort-of-remake from director Darren Lynn Bousman.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Darren Lynn Bousman, Frank Grillo, holiday horror, Jaime King, Rebecca De Mornay, Shawn Ashmore, sort of remakes
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 55 Comments »
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
According to internet custom, a CONAN review has to start with 2-4 paragraphs about Robert E. Howard and/or Conan comics from the ’80s. Well I can’t do it ’cause I never read a word that guy wrote, unless you count the titles. I never even saw that movie where Vincent D’Onofrio plays him and he’s in love with Renee Zelweger.
Some day I’ll read some of his stories and still not watch that movie but for now my connection to Conan is that it’s an all-time classic Arnold Schwarzenegger/John Milius movie and a not-as-good sequel. I knew this new one had no chance of competing with that and wasn’t really a remake other than of the logo. So I just hoped for something better than KULL THE CONQUEROR. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: barbarians, Jason Momoa, Marcus Nispel, Nathan Jones, Rachel Nichols, Ron Perlman, Rose MacGowan, sort of remakes, Stephen Lang
Posted in Fantasy/Swords, Reviews | 138 Comments »
Thursday, November 4th, 2010
“Dad, I’m bored. Can I do another movie? Can we do PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS 2 or something?”
“Of course not, Jaden. You know we don’t do sequels in this family. Except for the Matrix.”
“That’s not true, dad. You did Men in Black 2 and Bad Boys 2 and you might do Independence Day 2.”
“Exactly! Y’knowhumseen? Ha ha ha!” (charming smile)
“Well, maybe you can get me in a remake. Mr. Bay does remakes all the time.”
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, remakes, sort of remakes, Taraji P. Henson
Posted in Drama, Family, Reviews | 52 Comments »
Monday, August 23rd, 2010
You know, people always complain that there’s too much crap out there and not enough smart movies, not enough movies that have something to say or make you think or really move your soul. But then when a truly important and powerful film like that does manage to slip through the cracks – and I’m talking specifically about PIRANHA 3-D, which is a new 3-D movie about piranhas – those same complainers always stay home, the movie doesn’t make as much money as hoped and Hollywood is forced to go back to making the types of movies that do make lots of money, like INCEPTION. So shame on you, moviegoers. Shame shame and shame again. You have blood on your hands. You are murderers and liars. Fuck you.
I really mean this seriously. Well, not that seriously. Well, not at all seriously. But kind of. You don’t have to see PIRANHA 3-D if you don’t want to. But if that’s your stance I really gotta ask: what do you not understand about the title PIRANHA 3-D? It’s right there. It speaks for itself. Piranhas are a type of deadly carnivorous fish, by the way, did you not know that? Okay, obviously you’re gonna go now. I’m glad we straightened that out. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: 3D, Adam Scott, Alexandre Aja, Christopher Lloyd, Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Richard Dreyfuss, sort of remakes, Ving Rhames
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 99 Comments »
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
The first thing you see in this movie: “inspired by a true story.” The last thing: “Dedicated to the memory of Sheriff Buford Pusser.”
In between, you got nothing to do with Buford Pusser, except a sheriff with a stick. See, that’s what happens when you raise an entire generation on nothing but Diff’rent Strokes and Duran Duran. They get confused. They grow up, they start running things, but they got heads made out of oatmeal. It’s like letting a dog mow your lawn. If you train it right, it might be able to push the mower around, but it’s gonna do a really bad job by human standards. These kids today, they don’t understand reality. To them, “reality” means you have to eat bugs and stab your best friend in the back to win money. So let me explain it to you knuckleheads. MOVIES ARE NOT REALITY. Because a movie was made in the ’70s does not mean that it actually happened. If you make a remake of Saturday Night Fever or Star Wars, you can’t say “based on a true story.” You have to say “based on a movie you already saw.” (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Johnny Knoxville, Neal McDonough, sort of remakes, The Rock
Posted in Action, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews, Thriller | 1 Comment »
