I know we’re supposed to be cynical about i.p. and remakes and what not, but I am a child of Freddy, so to my mind franchising has always been one of the elements of horror. It doesn’t have to be the main one, it could be low on the totem pole, like beatboxing in hip hop. But it’s always gonna have some appeal to me when they do it right.
Is FACES OF DEATH even horror, though? I guess it is now. The 2026 film of that title is one of the more inventive brand refreshes, or whatever you want to call it. It’s not exactly a remake of the most notorious title in home video history, because the original purported to be a documentary, a sort of video essay/mondo film by pathologist Francis B. Gröss (actor Michael Carr). He narrates a collection of gruesome videos involving death: an alligator attack, a police shootout, a corpse washed up on a beach, an execution, people eating monkey brains, fun stuff like that.
Like any child in the ‘80s I heard legends of FACES OF DEATH and took everybody’s word for it that it was the real deal. Then in high school I took part in this group, not a debate club, mostly a social activity, but we got together to discuss/argue different topics, for example whether or not executions should be televised. It’s one of those insane questions people used to pretend was important to consider. Would it be a deterrent to criminals? Would it jolt society into rethinking capital punishment? And somebody said well, if we’re going to consider it then we should really understand what it means. So we watched the electric chair scene from FACES OF DEATH. (read the rest of this shit…)
MONDAY MORNING (1990) is the only movie written and directed by the producer Don Murphy (NATURAL BORN KILLERS, DOUBLE DRAGON, BULLY, THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, TRANSFORMERS). I’ve been kind of fascinated by him since his furious all caps attacks on people for saying the wrong things about his productions on AOL message boards back in the Hyborian Age, so when I saw that a movie he actually directed came out on disc from MVD Rewind I got curious.
It was actually his USC thesis film, but he managed to sell it for release on VHS under the title CLASS OF FEAR. They promoted it like an exploitation movie, but it’s more of a corny drama, almost an After School Special. It does not show many signs of directorial vision that I could pick up on, but maybe Murphy deserves credit for recognizing that and going into producing instead. I’m not gonna hold it against him. (read the rest of this shit…)
DOUBLE DRAGON (1994), loosely based on the video game series, is a sci-fi fantasy action kids movie from the director of THE RETURN OF BRUNO and the producers of NATURAL BORN KILLERS. I do not personally consider it to be a good movie, but upon this rewatch I found it somewhat enjoyable on the strength of its specific only-in-the-‘90s strain of complete inexplicability.
It stars Mark Dacascos (a year after ONLY THE STRONG, a year before KICKBOXER 5 and CRYING FREEMAN) and Scott Wolf (the same year Party of Five started) as martial artist brothers, Alyssa Milano (in the window between Who’s the Boss? and EMBRACE OF THE VAMPIRE) as the leader of a vigilante group, and Robert Patrick (who had only done FIRE IN THE SKY and two T-1000 cameos since T2) as an evil gang leader/businessman obsessed with obtaining an ancient Chinese medallion that would give him super powers. It takes place in the cyberpunky post-The-Big-Quake New Angeles in the futuristic year of 2007, with all the satirical billboards and colorful street gangs that implies. (read the rest of this shit…)
a survey of summer movies that just didn’t catch on
July 11, 2003
THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN is a cool fucking premise: a sort of Victorian era Justice League made of literary characters with unique talents or abilities. In this world, the famous stories of English literature (plus Mark Twain) really happened, and the Queen puts together a super-team to try to stop an attack on Venice. So James Bond’s M (Richard Roxburgh, VAN HELSING, STEALTH) recruits the adventurer hunter Alan Quatermain (Sean Connery, FIRST KNIGHT), Dracula’s Mina Harker (Peta Wilson, SUPERMAN RETURNS), the Invisible Man (but actually not the same H.G. Wells one, for legal reasons)(Tony Curran, Priest from BLADE II), Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (Jason Flemyng, BRUISER), Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend, director of BATTLE IN SEATTLE) and Captain Nemo (veteran Bollywood star Naseeruddin Shah).
Sort of like MYSTERY MEN, this is based on a comic that’s a riff on the super hero team stories, but made when X-MEN was the only straight up movie version of that sort of thing. The comic, written by Alan Moore, is apparently very different, thicker in obscure literary allusions and lighter in summer movie type spectacle (sword fights, shoot outs, flying CGI machinery, explosions). The adaptation is credited to another comic book writer, James Robinson, who wrote alot of Superman. His previous screenwriting work was CYBER BANDITS, COMIC BOOK VILLAINS and a swing and a miss in the long line of writers trying to figure out how to do FREDDY VS. JASON. (read the rest of this shit…)
Killer Instinct: How Two Young Producers Took on Hollywood and Made the Most Controversial Film of the Decade by Jane Hamsher
I got alot of problems with this book, but I kinda recommend reading it if it’s a subject you’re interested in. It’s got some funny stories about Oliver Stone and the crazy antics of Hamsher’s partner Don Murphy, probly best known now as a producer on the TRANSFORMERSes, but I remember his name because of many belligerent message board posts and open letters he’s written over the years. Because I’ve read so many of those it’s hard for me to buy Hamsher’s portrayal of him as a lovable madman, but there are good stories about him that aren’t about him yelling at anybody. I dug the one where it’s the middle of the night after a long hard shoot and he manages to get Oliver Stone and the whole crew excited about staying later for a product placement shot of a truck so they can all get free cowboy boots. (read the rest of this shit…)
Years ago I saw NATURAL BORN KILLERS, and I hated it. But that was years ago. Like Woody Harrelson says in the opening scene about the last time he ate key lime pie, I was a different person then. I’ve mellowed over the years. I’m more open to crazy shit and mega-acting. I’m not as strident about certain things. I’m ready to appreciate it as a weird crime movie, maybe, even if it still comes off as a ridiculously heavy-handed message movie about the most obvious fucking message in the world (have you noticed how the media exploits violence?). So let’s give it the same respect we give the pie. Let’s give it its day in court.
Of course, I got no clue why somebody would be skeptical about key lime pie. Maybe that’s the best clue into Mickey Knox’s derangement. Quentin Tarantino sure liked writing about pie when he was young. He wrote the original script this was based on but would only accept a “story by” credit after it was heavily re-written by Oliver Stone, Stone’s buddy Richard Rutowski and David PERMANENT MIDNIGHT Veloz. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
CJ Holden on Society: “Let’s say I appreciate it as fascinating for being a grimey, uncomfortable and (unintentionally) hilariously edgy superhero movie. It’s basically…” Sep 20, 22:30
grimgrinningchris on Society: “I didn’t make it to tentacles… I checked out after the tit puddle. I’m not super knowledgeable on tech stuff…” Sep 20, 22:02
KayKay on Onslaught: “And glad you called out REGENERATION & DAY OF RECKONING, Vern. It remains a crying shame in my book that…” Sep 20, 17:51
KayKay on Onslaught: “As long as we’re talking about movies that channel a very 80s/90s retro vibe, may I heartily recommend the charmingly…” Sep 20, 17:35
CJ Holden on Society: “When it premiered at a festival, Yuzna talked in an interview about how Stuart Gordon tried for years to get…” Sep 20, 13:04
grimgrinningchris on Society: “After all these years, I finally just watched Yuzna’s FAUST. Ummm…” Sep 20, 12:41
CJ Holden on Coyote vs. Acme: “Saw this one this morning and I loved it. It doesn’t push its “This is a real legal thriller but…” Sep 20, 10:38
RRA on Hope: “Quite enjoyed this as a Korean FURY ROAD but the ending pissed me off as some esoteric BS. Reminds me…” Sep 18, 22:04
Tuukka on Hope: ““Hoyeon is really impressive, by the way. She shows up late and steals the movie. I’ve never seen Squid Game…” Sep 18, 07:32
Franchise Fred on Rise of the Planet of the Apes: “I… liked Serkis’ Animal Farm? I hope it taught some kids about leaders who blame the people they shut down…” Sep 17, 22:48
Mr.Shemp on Hope: “Yeah, we’re parking our cars in the same garage, Vern. This flick kicks total ass. Could it be tightened up…” Sep 17, 22:12
Curt on Rise of the Planet of the Apes: “I haven’t seen Serkis’ ANIMAL FARM, so I can’t judge it one way or the other. But when everyone got…” Sep 17, 18:00
KayKay on Rise of the Planet of the Apes: “Yikes! As someone who loved the book and has watched the old animated adaptation a couple of times which was…” Sep 17, 16:54
Christopher Wilkes on The Trigger Effect: “I saw this when it first hit video and remember exactly nothing about it. I certainly don’t remember it being…” Sep 17, 11:09
I know we’re supposed to be cynical about i.p. and remakes and what not, but I am a child of Freddy, so to my mind franchising has always been one of the elements of horror. It doesn’t have to be the main one, it could be low on the totem pole, like beatboxing in hip hop. But it’s always gonna have some appeal to me when they do it right.
MONDAY MORNING (1990) is the only movie written and directed by the producer Don Murphy (
DOUBLE DRAGON (1994), loosely based on the video game series, is a sci-fi fantasy action kids movie from the director of 
July 11, 2003
