"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Spider-Man: Brand New Day / The Punisher: One Last Kill

There’s a scene in SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY where Peter Parker (Tom Holland, THE ODYSSEY) sees his high school best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon, THE WRECKING CREW) at the bodega. Ned doesn’t remember him due to a spell Dr. Strange had to do to save the world from multi-dimensional doom (long story, and I don’t remember it), so Peter just watches as he tells the clerk to never let him buy a certain type of energy shot that he’s addicted to. Then he asks to buy one last bottle. Then two.

Yeah, that’s sorta like the MCU these days. We all say we’re over it, then this movie has the biggest opening weekend of all time. It sure doesn’t give me the same kick it once did, but maybe my body craves an approximation, and this will do for now.

I wouldn’t go to bat for BRAND NEW DAY. It’s definitely more of the MCU episodic dilly-dallying and not the compact, standalone cinematic storytelling that used to be the goal. Seems like a lost art in the days of late stage comic book movie – is that why they gave up on doing a new BLADE? But this one has plenty that works, particularly in Peter’s relationships with MJ (Zendaya, THE ODYSSEY) and Frank Punisher (Jon Bernthal, THE ODYSSEY). The love story with MJ has been built up over three previous movies, while his even knowing The Punisher happened (I believe) off screen between movies. But Peter will long for his lost love until they meet again, and he’ll butt heads with his street vigilantism rival until they’re a mismatched buddy pair. One of those classic teams, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and the severely traumatized mass murdering gun and bomb freak who hides out in a squalid industrial barge. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 13th, 2026 | 23 Comments »

Skyscraper (1996)

July 24, 1996

SKYSCRAPER is a DTV movie that nobody would’ve missed if I’d skipped it in this retrospective. But it’s DIE HARD in a building, starring Anna Nicole Smith, and I hadn’t seen it, so I thought I felt I had a responsibility.

Smith had been Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1993, but most of us knew about her because in 1994 she married 89-year-old petroleum billionaire J. Howard Marshall, who died the following year. She wasn’t named in his will and had to go all the way to the Supreme Court failing to get the half of the estate she said he’d promised her, but the world had opinions about what was going on there. (A deeper and truer love than most will ever know.)

Smith got into movies with bit parts in THE HUDSUCKER PROXY and NAKED GUN 33 1/3 (both 1994), which would remain the jewels of her filmography. But SKYSCRAPER wasn’t her first starring role, or even her first action role – PM Entertainment and director Raymond Martino had already used her in TO THE LIMIT (1995). Maybe that’s why she seems a little more comfortable in this role than I expected. Just a little, though. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 10th, 2026 | 20 Comments »

Trainspotting (plus some notes on The Frighteners)

July 19, 1996 (U.S. release date)

It’s not exactly a bold statement to say that TRAINSPOTTING was a phenomenon. A low budget Scottish counterculture movie that made $72 million around the world, made stars out of most of its cast, internationally launched a director who has since won best director and best picture Oscars and is still a major player today, and has been named by the BFI as the 10th greatest British film of the 20th century. Also it’s a good movie. I hadn’t seen it since the theater 30 years ago, and it knocked me out again.

It’s the sophomore film for director Danny Boyle and producer Andrew Macdonald, and they reunited much of their team from SHALLOW GRAVE: writer John Hodge, cinematographer Brian Tufano, editor Masahiro Harakubo, production designer Kave Quinn. This time it’s based on Irvine Welsh’s 1993 debut novel, and it’s the first-person-narrated tale of twentysomething heroin addict Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor in only his fourth movie) and his rowdy social circle in Edinburgh.They have some wild times, some horrible times. Fights, deaths, pubs, soccer fields, hospitals, court rooms. They rehab, relapse, reintegrate, and most of them survive it with a bit of punk rock stubbornness and Gen-X ironic distance.

Chances are you’ve seen it, I don’t have to tell you who these characters are. If not, you’ll meet them in the movie. I like the lovable idiot Spud (Ewen Bremner, JUDGE DREDD, who had played Renton in a stage adaptation), even though I really can’t fathom how he managed to accidentally splatter his shit all over his lady’s parents’ breakfast. I like seeing their square jock friend Tommy because now I recognize Kevin McKidd from starring in Rome later. Bleach blond Sick Boy (Jonny Lee Miller, HACKERS) is such a funny character, because it both makes sense why they’d hang out with him and why he would be so aggravating. Renton says that Sick Boy tries to kick at the same time as him just to show he can do it easily, “thereby downgrading my own struggle.” (read the rest of this shit…)

August 6th, 2026 | 22 Comments »

The Odyssey (2026)

THE ODYSSEY. Good movie. Christopher Nolan (executive producer: ZACK SNYDER’S JUSTICE LEAGUE) gives us his take on the ancient poem, as filtered through his heavy duty filmatism, shot on IMAX film, with some of his beloved non-linear structure, a ridiculously stacked cast and a weird Ludwig Göransson (THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN) score. It’s classic Nolan material but with the welcome addition of some monsters and horror, because it’s set in “a time of apparent magic.”

Nolan has joined the category of Spielberg and Eastwood, where I’ll see anything he makes and know I’ll probly like it even if it’s something I wouldn’t otherwise be interested in. Even if it seems like homework. Obviously THE ODYSSEY sounds like more of a popcorn movie than DUNKIRK or OPPENHEIMER, but I sure do feel like I’m supposed to already have opinions about Homer and epic poems. By the time I saw the movie the discourse revolved around a lengthy takedown in the London Review of Books by classicist Emily Wilson, whose 2017 translation Nolan cites as an influence. But even regular movie critics seem to be full of thoughts about The Odyssey and The Iliad and what not.

This is all valuable, but I must say up front that I have none of that background. Instead I come to THE ODYSSEY as someone who actually liked the remake of CLASH OF THE TITANS and paid to see such Fantasy Sword Dude movies as KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD, BEOWULF (in IMAX 3D), CONAN THE BARBARIAN 2011, HERCULES 2014, WARCRAFT, GODS OF EGYPT, and IN THE LOST LANDS, as well as Elevated Fantasy Sword Dude movies THE GREEN KNIGHT and THE NORTHMAN. And I enjoyed most of those. Not to brag. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 5th, 2026 | 29 Comments »

Fled

July 19, 1996

As you can see I’m lagging behind on this summer retrospective, struggling to catch up. But it doesn’t feel like it while watching FLED, because this is the kind of mediocre movie they used to dump off in August. Perfectly competent, nothing more. A lesser work from two actors I was excited to see in anything back then. But also Stephen Baldwin.

It’s an action movie directed by Kevin Hooks, the child star turned TV director turned guy who did STRICTLY BUSINESS and PASSENGER 57, and it’s written by Preston A. Whitmore (THE WALKING DEAD [1995]). So we can at least give it credit as one of the ’90s movies by Black filmmakers that’s just allowed to be commercial and not under pressure to represent a culture or stop the violence and increase the peace or anything (even though it features Furious Styles himself).

When I saw the credit for producer Frank Mancuso Jr. (FRIDAY THE 13TH 2–7) and some flashy camera moves (cinematographer: Matthew F. Leonetti, HARD TO KILL, STRANGE DAYS) and then I heard composer Graeme Revell (THE CROW, THE CRAFT, MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE) playing DIE-HARD-type orchestral bombast over a hip hop beat on the opening credits, I wondered if maybe this was gonna be more pulpy fun than I remembered. Not really. But I can see, in retrospect, that they’re trying to do a bit of a John Woo thing with some flying through the air shooting and slow motion and vicious squibs. It was neither stylish or emotional enough to register at the time, but now it’s such a time capsule I guess I can appreciate that a little more, at least. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 3rd, 2026 | 6 Comments »

Multiplicity

July 17, 1996

MULTIPLICITY is the Michael Keaton clone movie. I remembered it being okay at best, but Keaton being very good at playing multiple characters who are distinguishable from each other just based on his mannerisms. Yes, I was correct about all that.

It’s directed by Harold Ramis, who I hold in high regard because of GROUNDHOG DAY, but I don’t think any of his other movies reach those heights. Certainly not this one.

Doug Kinney (Michael Keaton the year before JACKIE BROWN) is some kind of manager at an L.A. construction company, he’s forced to work long hours, doesn’t see the family enough, all that. I was impressed that at least he misses his daughter’s Campfire Girls graduation instead of the standard Little League game or piano recital. (read the rest of this shit…)

July 30th, 2026 | 9 Comments »

Kazaam

KAZAAM is one of those movies we all know as a punchline because “Shaquille O’Neal as a rapping genie” sounds more like a fake movie inside another movie than an actual thing that exists. The only one that’s guaranteed less existent is the other genie movie starring Sinbad that somehow became a shared delusion of millennials? I don’t even want to think about that shit.

But until now I hadn’t actually seen KAZAAM. It’s as ridiculous as I imagined and no higher in quality, but I suppose kind of different in some ways, so I found that mildly interesting. What I didn’t know from the reputation and the poster is that it follows in the tradition of some of the ‘80s comedies where it’s ostensibly a kids movie about baby shit but also it has crime and violence treated seriously, like an action movie of the time. Or at least the criminals are treated seriously. There’s a fight scene with genie Shaq throwing people through walls and it’s obviously pretty cartoony, but I noticed the stunt coordinator was Jeff Imada (RAPID FIRE, THE CROW) and stunt performers in the movie include Billy Blanks, James Lew and Jeannie Epper (seen earlier in the summer in the re-release of SWITCHBLADE SISTERS). (read the rest of this shit…)

July 29th, 2026 | 15 Comments »

Walking and Talking

July 17, 1996

WALKING AND TALKING is the debut film from writer/director Nicole Holofcener (the warden in MI VIDA LOCA). Like the last movie I reviewed, DON’T LOOK BACK, it opens with its protagonists as little kid best friends, but this is a much more female perspective of the world, so instead of establishing their life long friendship with playing swords and becoming blood brothers the two girls are sneaking a peek at The Joy of Sex, giggling and calling it disgusting. Unspecified years later they’re still best friends, but at different places in their other relationships, which will create a strain.

Amelia (Catherine Keener, SURVIVAL QUEST) is the most outwardly messy of the pair. A while back she broke up with Andrew (Liev Schreiber right before SCREAM; this was released by Miramax, and they were really pushing him as their new product at the time). They’re still friends and co-workers, they even grocery shop together, but I don’t know, the smile she gives after telling her therapist (Joseph Siravo, CARLITO’S WAY) she’s totally over him made me think she’s really not. Either way, things fall apart when she finds out Laura (Anne Heche, MILK MONEY) got engaged to Frank (Todd Field, EYE OF THE EAGLE 2: INSIDE THE ENEMY). I mean they seem to have been together forever, they already live together, they’re all close and it’s great. But making it official like that makes Amelia panic. And right after she decided to quit therapy. (read the rest of this shit…)

July 27th, 2026 | 12 Comments »

Don’t Look Back (1996)

July 13, 1996

DON’T LOOK BACK is a straight-to-HBO movie, but I thought it might be worth watching because it’s directed by Geoff Murphy (THE QUIET EARTH) between his two great sequels, UNDER SIEGE 2: DARK TERRITORY and FORTRESS 2, and it’s written by Tom Epperson & Billy Bob Thornton & William Petrowitch. The latter doesn’t have any other credits, but the first two of course wrote ONE FALSE MOVE (and later THE GIFT, CAMOUFLAGE and JAYNE MANSFIELD’S CAR). Thornton (DEAD MAN) is also in the movie as one of the villains, and this was his last movie before making SLING BLADE and becoming famous and shit.

Jesse Parish (Eric Stoltz, THE FLY II) is an L.A. deadbeat and heroin enthusiast who carries around a guitar case and occasionally strums. One night while broke and in withdrawal he witnesses a drug deal going sour in a parked car. Skipper (Dwight Yoakam, RED ROCK WEST) shoots at a guy and then chases after him, leaving a flung-open briefcase spewing money unattended. Jesse sneaks over, scoops it up, runs off. I like how Skipper yells “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” like he caught somebody keying his car or something. Jesse escapes using Donkey Kong tactics (rolling garbage cans down a hill at him), but Skipper hears somebody yell his name. (read the rest of this shit…)

July 23rd, 2026 | 7 Comments »

Jackass: Best and Last

JACKASS: BEST AND LAST is the name of this year’s JACKASS motion picture event (currently leaving theaters), because it’s a reunion mixed with a “best of” compilation as a finale to the series. New sequences are mixed with highlights and previously unseen footage from more than a quarter century of Johnny Knoxville and pals doing stupid and dangerous shit for laughs.

As usual there is a lot of stuff where things are stuck up butts or shit comes out of butts. I am personally not a fan of those aspects of butts, but these guys are made different, and I can accept that. It’s funny that they can be accurately described as stunt men (they get fired on rockets, punched in the face, butted by an angry ram, launched on slingshots, electrocuted, etc.) but the most horrifying stuff is usually poop related. At long last there is an escape room where someone has to reach into a hole not knowing that they are also reaching into their colleague’s butthole.

The two most memorable new sequences are inspired by the original cast’s present status as men over 50. One has them playing Twister in transparent jumpsuits after downing colonoscopy prep. It doesn’t take long for one of them to spring a diarrhea leak and get everyone on set puking. The entertainment value is multi-layered: being too grossed out to keep my eyes on what the camera is pointed at, marveling at the ludicrousness of coming up and going through with an idea like this, and most of all enjoying the enthusiasm by the boys (or, in many cases, the amusement of the boys at one of their co-stars being very unenthused). (read the rest of this shit…)

July 22nd, 2026 | 10 Comments »

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