"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Posts Tagged ‘Patrick McGoohan’

The Phantom (30th slamiversary revisit)

Monday, June 15th, 2026

FOR THOSE WHO CAME IN LATE…

I have loved THE PHANTOM since it opened on June 7, 1996, so you may have seen me going on about it before, for example when I wrote about it in 2010. This year, when I settled on doing a summer of ’96 retrospective, I knew I wanted to skip a few major movies I’ve reviewed before. But I couldn’t skip THE PHANTOM. Not only is it in competition with MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE for my favorite of the summer, and the one I’ve rewatched the most over the decades, but it’s a major piece of evidence in my thesis for this series: that some of ’96’s so-called failures still mean much more to me than its record-smashing mega-hits. Obviously normal people love INDEPENDENCE DAY and THE ROCK, and their directors are still continuing on the paths started by those movies. I can’t deny their importance to cinema history. But they were only ever important to me as movies I rejected, and they don’t even have that power anymore. But I’m still fascinated with some of the arcane treasures the general public left on the reject pile.

Billy Zane (DEMON KNIGHT) is The Phantom, and though he may always be more remembered for playing a rich asshole with short-sighted views on Picasso, I think this is his greatest achievement. He does perfect super hero poses and movements, he got buff for the role in the days when they usually used rubber muscles, he somehow conveys both a wholesomeness and a wry sense of humor. He shows you how to be in on the joke and still believe in the character. (read the rest of this shit…)

Escape From Alcatraz

Monday, January 3rd, 2022

On January 1, 2013 I reviewed the movie TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE, and made up a superstition that it’s good luck for movie critics to start a year with a Clint Eastwood review. So then I ended up kicking off 2014 writing about A PERFECT WORLD, 2015 with THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, 2016 with KELLY’S HEROES, 2017 with PINK CADILLAC, 2018 with TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA, 2019 with THE MULE, 2020 with WHITE HUNTER BLACK HEART and 2021 with THE GAUNTLET.

It would be hard to argue that any “good luck” panned out in some of those years, and yet I will stubbornly continue the tradition. ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ is from 1979 and it was the last of Clint’s five movies directed by Don Siegel, because they had a falling out over which one of them got to produce it. (Siegel’s only subsequent movies were ROUGH CUT starring Burt Reynolds and JINXED! starring Bette Midler.)

It’s based on the true story of the only maybe successful escape from the notorious island prison. Three guys got out, they may very well have drowned, but they were never found. I remember going on a tour of that place as a kid and hearing the story. Man, prison tours are fucked up. (read the rest of this shit…)

Braveheart

Monday, May 25th, 2015

1995
RELEASE DATE: May 24

tn_braveheartBRAVEHEART is an important motion picture. It won 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture and Best Director, it transformed Mel Gibson from the star of the MAD MAX and LETHAL WEAPON movies to a respected director, and it became a point of pride for people of Scottish descent all around the world, or at least in the U.S., I don’t know. So I figured there was only one way to properly celebrate the 20th anniversary of the film’s release: get around to watching it for the first time. See what the deal is.

Mel Gibson (the star of the MAD MAX and LETHAL WEAPON movies) plays William Wallace, a rugged young goofball and champion rock thrower returning to his village after years of absence after the war deaths of his father and brother. He gets home just in time to witness the English declaring prima nocta, best known as that thing that Tony Stark jokes about in THE AVENGERS 2, but it means the royalty are allowed to rape your wife. Even back then it was not considered cool at all.

But William goes about life as normal and he falls in love with a gal named Murron (Catherine McCormack, THE WEIGHT OF WATER, 28 WEEKS LATER) and he marries her in secret (Anakin style) so as not to attract wife-raping royal scum. But some asshole comes and kills his wife so he gets revenge and then becomes a revolutionary and leads a ragtag army of guerrillas and kills like seven thousand people and spends most of the movie covered in war paint and/or blood. But he’s still pretty charming for the most part and has a good sense of humor including mooning, etc. (read the rest of this shit…)