Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category
Tuesday, December 18th, 2018
I don’t know why it took me more than 20 years, but I’ve finally seen JACK FROST, “not the Michael Keaton one, the other one,” as writer/director Michael Cooney says in his introduction to the (surprisingly) lovingly remastered Blu-Ray from Vinegar Syndrome. “The Michael Keaton one” (1998) is about a guy who tries to be a better father after dying and coming back as a snow man. “The other one” (1997) is the DTV horror movie about a serial killer who tries to continue serial killing after becoming a snowman.
He’s a crazy asshole on death row who actually does have the name Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald, LAST ACTION HERO). He tries to escape while being transported through Snowmonton, the small town where a small town sheriff (Christopher Allport, SAVAGE WEEKEND, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., INVADERS FROM MARS) ended his cross country murder spree. But a truck full of some chemical from a super secret experiment – I don’t know, some Marvel Comics shit – explodes onto Jack and melts him into shriveled meat and his soul is transformed into liquid form or something so he is able to reconstitute himself into snow. And then, while coming after Sheriff Tiler for revenge, he ends up with coal eyes, a carrot nose, a scarf, stick eyebrows and sometimes a pipe. No magic hat required. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Christmas, Christmas horror, Christopher Allport, Darren Campbell, Michael Cooney, Rob LaBelle, Scott MacDonald, Shannon Elizabeth
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Horror, Reviews | 16 Comments »
Thursday, December 13th, 2018
My friends, the time has come for the THRILLING CONCLUSION to the Twilight Saga review saga. This is the one where the most crazy shit happens, especially in a big deadly snow battle between all the characters. So I had fun. If you support me on Patreon thank you, if not thank you also but consider signing up some time if you can. Either way, more reviews coming soon and
GLITTERY VAMPIRES FOREVER
Tags: Bill Condon, Jeff Imada, Kristen Stewart, Lateef Crwoder, Maggie Grace, Rami Malek, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, vampires, Wendell Pierce, werewolves
Posted in Horror, Reviews, Romance | 11 Comments »
Wednesday, December 12th, 2018
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I’m saying it now: when it comes to balancing horror and comedy, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON is the goal. I mean, there ones I love just as much that I consider a little heavier on the goofiness, like RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD and EVIL DEAD 2, but AMERICAN WEREWOLF is that ideal where it’s a perfectly serious horror movie and also it’s funny because of the situations and the way the story is told, and neither quality takes away from the other, in fact they only enhance each other.
Well, what seemed like a million years later, but was actually only eleven, director John Landis did a far lesser known but confidently crafted horror-movie-that-is-funny, this time in the vampire realm. INNOCENT BLOOD tells the story of an out of control couple of nights in Pittsburgh when a well(ish)-intentioned bloodsucker named Marie (Anne Parillaud, LA FEMME NIKITA) decides to feed on the local mafia, and it turns into a big mess. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Angela Bassett, Anne Parillaud, Anthony LaPaglia, Chazz Palminteri, Dario Argento, Don Rickles, John Landis, Linnea Quigley, Robert Loggia, Sam Raimi, Steve Johnson, Tom Savini
Posted in Crime, Horror, Reviews | 12 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2018
My friends, we have come to the penultimate chapter in the special Patreon-only Twilight Saga Review Saga. In Twilight Part 4a there’s a big wedding, destructive humping, and some truly creepy birth related stuff. This one is directed by Bill Condon (GODS AND MONSTERS) and he does his thing with it.
or to sign up to pay as low as a dollar to support my writing, with the side benefit of reading these reviews.
Thanks!
Tags: Bill Condon, Carter Burwell, Kristen Stewart, Patreon bonus content, Robert Pattinson
Posted in Horror, Reviews, Romance | 18 Comments »
Wednesday, December 5th, 2018
36.15 CODE PÈRE NOËL – a.k.a. WANTED: MR. XMAS, GAME OVER, DIAL CODE SANTA CLAUS, HIDE AND FREAK, or DEADLY GAMES on the German Blu-Ray I rented – is an A+ Christmas action-horror cult movie from 1989 that I can’t believe I’d never heard of before. I read about it in the book Yuletide Terror: Christmas Horror on Film and Television edited by Paul Corupe and Kier-La Janisse. That’s a small press book I pre-ordered last year and there was some mishap that caused it to be delivered a little after Christmas, so I had it set aside for 11 months, excited to bust it out this year.
As I go through it I’ve been making a long list of things to check out. This was at the top, but I can’t imagine anything else on the list will match it. I was convinced I was sitting on the mother of all Christmas recommendations here and then I asked a friend if he’d ever heard of it and… yeah, there’s a new A.G.F.A. restoration of it that was a big hit at Fantastic Fest this year and is even playing here in Seattle at the Grand Illusion this week.
Oh.
Still, I’m so excited to tell you guys about this one. Though it was made a year before HOME ALONE, it combines the kid-defending-his-house-at-Christmas concept with SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT killer Santa horror and tinges of Jean-Pierre Jeunet heightened reality. It’s so joyous in putting its young hero and his Danny-Cooksey-worthy spikey mullet through kid versions of ’80s action tropes that if I didn’t know it was from ’89 I’d assume it was a tribute movie made by some French answer to Taika Waititi. And yet it’s not at all a comedy. It absolutely works on the level of a serious stalk and slash movie, and it’s about serious ideas. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Christmas, Christmas action, Christmas horror, killer Santa, Patrick Floersheim, Rene Manzor
Posted in Action, Horror, Reviews | 28 Comments »
Monday, December 3rd, 2018
For me OVERLORD was the definition of a time killer, because I needed to be out of my apartment for fumigation at 10 and at work by 3 and the movie I actually wanted to see wasn’t playing in a time slot that worked for that, but this was. So happy Veteran’s Day, OVERLORD, and thank you for your service in filling that window with okay-though-arguably-making-light-of-the-real-atrocities-of-WWII entertainment.
This is a Bad Robot (J.J. Abrams) production of that old usually-low-budget-horror saw of the soldiers who come across monsters, zombies or demons created or summoned by Nazi mad scientists or occultists. In this case they’re doing a Universal Soldier, trying to turn dead bodies into soldiers. Of course in this case they’re using their own victims. I guess that’s positive that they don’t have enough people who believe in their insidious ideology – they have to manufacture them. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Billy Ray, Bokeem Woodbine, J.J. Abrams, John Magaro, Jovan Adepo, Julius Avery, Mark L. Smith, Mathilde Ollivier, Meg Foster, Nas, Pilou Asbaek, WWII, Wyatt Russell
Posted in Horror, Reviews, War | 27 Comments »
Thursday, November 29th, 2018
This week for anyone who pledges $1 or more on Patreon I have my third Twilight review, ECLIPSE. This is the one directed by David Slade (30 DAYS OF NIGHT), who added some interesting new weirdness. I particularly had fun with this review because of some Seattle-specific details I noticed.
Thanks everybody!
Tags: Bryce Dallas Howard, David Slade, Kristen Stewart, Patreon bonus content, Robert Pattinson, Stephenie Meyer, vampires, werewolves
Posted in Horror, Reviews, Romance | 22 Comments »
Friday, November 23rd, 2018
Okay, let’s try this again. Due to the troubles with the Patreon plugin I’m going to try housing the exclusive reviews on Patreon itself. (Thanks for the suggestion, Shan.) So if you pledge $1 or more to my Patreon you can enjoy the ever-loving werewolf shit out of this exclusive review series. Thanks for your patience!
And here’s a link for the first one, TWILIGHT.
Tags: Chris Weitz, Kristen Stewart, Patreon bonus content, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, vampires, werewolves
Posted in Horror, Reviews, Romance | 17 Comments »
Wednesday, November 21st, 2018
I don’t know why there was a Wes Craven movie that I didn’t bother to see in the theater and then didn’t bother to see on home video for over 20 years. Granted, everyone said it was terrible, and it seemed to be an Eddie Murphy comedy vehicle, not a real horror movie, and he started wearing fat suits and shit right around that time.
But these days you can’t take fresh Wes Craven movies for granted, so I decided the moment had come to watch VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN. The verdict: it’s not an unheralded gem. But it’s also not what I had pictured. It’s a mildly interesting failure.
Murphy (DOLEMITE IS MY NAME) plays Maximillian, the only survivor of a tribe of Egyptian vampire who “traveled south through Africa and over the Atlantic to a beautiful island hidden deep in the Bermuda Triangle,” where they lived for centuries before the vampire hunters found them. There’s a certain parallel to COMING TO AMERICA, because he’s this confident, exotic visitor from another culture, looking for a woman. In this case it’s a specific woman, Rita (Angela Bassett, PANTHER, BLACK PANTHER), a rookie NYPD detective who doesn’t know there are vampires, or that her dad was one, or that she’s the last descendent and only hope to revive the race. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Allen Payne, Angela Bassett, Charlie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, Joanna Cassidy, John Witherspoon, Kadeem Hardison, Simbi Khali, vampires, Wes Craven
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 34 Comments »
Thursday, November 15th, 2018
This is the first in a Patreon-only review series of THE TWILIGHT SAGA. For as little as $1 a month you can support an ol’ so-called outlaw in his writing endeavors, and as a thank you I got these exclusive reviews for you.
This one was originally housed here on outlawvern.com but I had to move it to Patreon due to technical difficulties, and I didn’t want to delete all your comments so I left the post here. So what the hell, this time I’m gonna include an excerpt so you non-Patreons can get an idea of the approach I’m going for. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Anna Kendrick, Billy Burke, Cam Gigandet, Catherine Hardwicke, Christian Serratos, Justin Chon, Kellan Lutz, Kristen Stewart, Matt Bushell, Michael Welch, Robert Pattinson, Sarah Clarke, Stephenie Meyer, Taylor Lautner, vampires
Posted in Horror, Monster, Reviews, Romance | 39 Comments »
