I was aware of this 2009 movie REYKJAVIK WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE (retitled HARPOON: WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE for us ignorant Americans) because it’s an Icelandic movie that has that title and then Leatherface himself, Gunnar Hansen is in it. Sounded like a spoof, I thought, but it’s not. It certainly has humor in it, but so does that other movie Hansen is most famous for. This is a solid, legit horror movie, with an extra layer of meaning if you’re a TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE obsessive like me.
I finally watched it for a different reason: the screenplay is by the Icelandic writer Sjón, a.k.a. Sjón Sigurdsson. He grew up with Björk and wrote some songs with her (including the Oscar-nominated “I’ve Seen it All” from DANCER IN THE DARK), and sometimes performed with the Sugarcubes under the name Johnny Triumph. But also he’s a poet, novelist and screenwriter, and after decades of all that he finally caught my attention this year by co-writing THE NORTHMAN with Robert Eggers. That’s still my #2 movie of 2022 so I figured shit, I oughta watch his horror movie. (read the rest of this shit…)
CAMPFIRE TALES is a very low budget horror anthology released in 1991. After directors William Cooke and Paul Talbot graduated from college in 1987 they decided to build a film around “The Hook,” a short they’d made in their senior year 16mm class. The stories are very simplistic – unusually light on gimmicks and ironic twists for this type of material – and the filmmaking is not what would traditionally be considered “good.” But being made by beginners with no money gives it that scrappy underdog charm where you’re excited for anything they kind of pull off, and since it was made by young people in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s there’s some relatability and nostalgia for somebody like me who may or may not have come of age around that time.
“The Hook” is set on Halloween, but there’s another story that’s about Christmas, which is what brought me to it. (read the rest of this shit…)
Happy Halloween, everybody! As is sometimes my tradition, I have managed to do a write-up of one of my all time favorite movies that I haven’t done an official piece on. In 2016 I finally got the balls to do THE THING, and in 2017 I did INFERNO. I guess when I did DAWN OF THE DEAD it was a month after Halloween, but that’s the type of review I’m going for here.
These reviews of the classics are intimidating because there’s such a risk of saying the same shit that’s already been said, but I’m tired of linking to my Ain’t It Cool News review of a DVD release every time I mention it, which is inconvenient when I seem to compare half the movies I watch to THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. I remember I even compared the Kathryn Bigelow racism drama DETROIT to it. Incidentally, even though I’ve been thinking about HALLOWEEN movies all month the world is feeling more TEXAS CHAIN SAW to me these days.
In other words, be warned: this is one of the ones where I relate the movie to the politics of today, so if you hate that, please don’t read, and go have a happy Halloween. If not, please do read, then have a happy Halloween.
* * *
THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. One of the greatest horror movies since they started makin’ ’em. Not sure if I’ve mentioned that before, but it’s true.
It’s a movie that has grown on me and with me. When I first saw it I was probly 13 and I thought it was dumb. Just some crappy footage of a dude chasing people around in the dark. I was a Freddy guy. Saw it again in my twenties and it became pretty much my favorite movie. Back then it was VHS (not sure if it was even letterboxed) and I really believed that the raw quality of the footage was part of its magic. That it felt like a documentary, one made by crazy people.
After believing that for years I got that remastered edition that Dark Sky Films released, the one in the steel case (which I took these screengrabs from). It looked so much cleaner I wasn’t sure if I should accept it at first. Now I watch the way-more-pristine-than-that Blu-Ray and I love the movie even more as the controlled, artful craftsmanship it had always secretly been. For the moment, forget “drive-in” or “grindhouse” and think “great American film of the ’70s,” even if it’s all of those things. (read the rest of this shit…)
WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM
if that's your thing:
1. Patreon
Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines
(you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)
I also have an Amazon UK one:
(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)
4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products
(I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)
5. Spread the word
Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.
THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
* * * *
Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
psychic_hits on In a Violent Nature: “What’s this about AI-generated kills? Have we moved past worrying about cgi gore? Clearly I’ve been away too long. Also,…” Oct 9, 21:51
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “And if this IS a *slasher* I think we could all say, on that merit, it’s a boring *slasher* outside…” Oct 9, 21:42
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “It’s like they wanted that kill to have the same impact as Riki Takeuchi pulling his heart out to make…” Oct 9, 21:11
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “Basically, what I’m saying, if this were an episode of Tales From the Crypt it would be an all-timer. But…” Oct 9, 20:46
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “And, man, as someone who thinks Mallick’s Trees of That Life is quite literally cinematic torture of an inhuman degree,…” Oct 9, 20:30
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “I’m going to leave my typo unexplained. It’s fitting for this whole *waves hands above head* narrative.” Oct 9, 20:21
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “@Glaive, yeah, I felt that too. It felt a little too much like a thesis on slashers rather than being…” Oct 9, 20:17
Glaive Robber on In a Violent Nature: “Wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Obviously, it’s a smaller movie and you have to kind of accept what…” Oct 9, 19:54
Aktion Figure on Speed (30th anniversary revisit): “I’d probably do some terrible violence to get a pan-and-scanned VHS of Psycho Goreman. Probably. Also, maybe moreso, a VHS…” Oct 9, 19:44
Aktion Figure on In a Violent Nature: “Really, really wanted to love this but I kinda checked out half-way through. Lots of neat stuff contending with performances…” Oct 9, 19:22
Birch on In a Violent Nature: “I saw this in theaters and had the biggest grin on my face the entire time. I kinda love the…” Oct 9, 18:20
Skani on In a Violent Nature: “Oops, meant to say “understand you not loving it” and “ending with the good samaritan.”” Oct 9, 17:49
Skani on In a Violent Nature: “SPOILERS, I’M SURE Win or lose, I’m glad you watched and reviewed this one, but I’m extra-glad you liked it,…” Oct 9, 17:48
Dreadguacamole on Speed (30th anniversary revisit): “I rewatched SCANNERS week before last for the first time in… well, probably decades, in full HD. On the bits…” Oct 9, 17:00
Aktion Figure on Speed (30th anniversary revisit): “Not to mention not all great films in history have benefitted from a bigger canvas. Killers Kiss comes to mind…” Oct 9, 15:20