note: this review is excessively long and convoluted and takes forever to get to the point, but only as a clever form-is-an-extension-of-content type reference to the movie it describes, in my opinion. Unfortunately I could never match the feel of the movie no matter how hard I tried. It’s like when some asshole reviews a Dr. Seuss movie in rhymes or some shit like that.
introductory remarks/overture
My friends, we have lost. Michael Bay has defeated us. First he invaded the shores of the genre we hold most dear. He brought us gifts of explosions, while behind our backs he robbed us of the very language of geography and context we use to communicate what is exploding and who or what is endangered by said explosion. Then he confiscated our property, buying up our favorite low budget horror classics to rebuild as slick, soul-less product – just to crush our spirits. And now he has completely subjugated us. (read the rest of this shit…)
Today, as we celebrate the opening of the third Steven Spielberg produced Hasbro adaptation about overly detailed space robots with different accents wiggling around and smashing buildings, let’s also take a moment to note the tenth anniversary of that one time when Spielberg tried to make a thoughtful robot movie.
I skipped EVOLUTION in the summer of 2001 because it didn’t look very good. Hey, what do you know, it turns out me-of-ten-years-ago knew what he was doing. But for this important scholarly work it was crucial that I not just view the 2001 movies people remember. To truly get a feel for the period I had to watch at least one movie that came out that summer and then nobody ever thought about it again. (read the rest of this shit…)
My Summer of 2001 10th Anniversary Retrospective will continue shortly, but as requested here’s a brief interlude in the present to deal with some pressing issues.
SUPER 8 is the new picture from writer/director Jay-Jay Abrams (‘Felicity’) that is produced by Steven Spielberg and done in a style that’s a slavish tribute to the classic Spielberg pictures of the ’70s and ’80s. It takes place in ’79 and it’s about a kid whose mom recently died (if it was a real Spielberg movie it would be about divorce), his dad doesn’t really understand him, his friends are making a zombie movie, and also there is a gigantic train crash that unleashes a monster that scares away the dogs, knocks over alot of shit and kidnaps his girl.
SAVAGE DAWN is a post-apocalyptic-town-harassed-by-bikers movie very similar to STEEL FRONTIER except way crappier looking and without all the great cars and car stunts. I’d almost give it a very, very lenient semi-pass just because Lance Henriksen, with bleach blond hair, gets one of his rare leading man roles, except… no, I wouldn’t want anybody to think I sort of recommended this movie. The best thing I can say is I’ve seen worse.
But if you insist on seeing it the DVD is #3 on a triple feature with CAGED FURY and DRUG TRAFFIKERS. Don’t say I or the cover didn’t warn you. (read the rest of this shit…)
This might end up lost to history, but I feel that the internet’s lead-up to the release of the TRON sequel could be characterized as a “nerd frenzy.” Breathless reports described every onscreen visual and audience sound during the comics convention’s high profile promotional screenings of test films and trailers. Websights covered every angle of every advertising gimmick, poster or still. They wrote about promotional “Flynn’s Arcade” tokens like they were frozen Jesus tears.
Then the movie came out and you didn’t hear about the excitement anymore. I don’t know if it was a PHANTOM MENACE (they didn’t like it as much as they hoped) or a KICK-ASS (every single person who would like that type of movie was inside that convention). And it probly didn’t help that the original TRON didn’t exactly set the world on fire either. Until the sequel got announced I honestly didn’t realize there were people who were passionate about it. (read the rest of this shit…)
SOURCE CODE is a fun thriller with a clever sci-fi premise: what if for some reason they remade GROUNDHOG’S DAY as a DE JA VU type thriller, and instead of Bill Murray it’s the guy who looks like the guy who used to play Spider-man and instead of having one day to cover the weather he has 8 minutes to figure out who planted a bomb on a train? That would be kinda cool, right? (read the rest of this shit…)
Well, not too many people got a chance to examine the evidence, but MR. STITCH was the first solid proof that Roger Avary could stand on his own without reminding anybody of his video store co-worker Quentin Tarantino. Two years after winning an Oscar for PULP FICTION he was directing a DTV movie. Of course around here we know there’s no shame in that, but I guess it was not the original plan, just what happened when him and Rutger Hauer couldn’t agree on anything, according to this old Entertainment Weekly article. Sounds like they really didn’t get along well at all. Could’ve been worse, I guess. (read the rest of this shit…)
Last year I honestly couldn’t remember which one was LET ME IN and which one was NEVER LET ME GO. It’s similar to the great “A ______ MAN” onslaught that made it easy to mix up A SINGLE MAN, A SERIOUS MAN, A SOLITARY MAN, THE EXTRA MAN, etc. And Denzel made a movie called UNSTOPPABLE even though Wesley already had a movie called that, and Seagal made BORN TO RAISE HELL around the same time as a gay porn of the same name came out. It’s all so confusing.
But now I’ve seen LET ME IN and NEVER LET ME GO so I got them marked in my brain and I think I can keep them straight for now on. LET ME IN is the one that takes place mostly at night, this one is in the sunshine. (read the rest of this shit…)
Daft Punk are those two French guys who played the robotic club DJs in TRON’S LEGACY, and as long as they were on set Disney must’ve figured they oughta get them to record the score that for me at least made that stupid movie sort of awesome. They are better known as musicians and makers of cool music videos than as actors or filmatists, but this here was their feature film directational debut.
ELECTROMA is a movie with no dialogue, no human characters, and no Daft Punk music. It does star the two robot-masked Daft Punk characters (with their band logo studded into the back of their leather jackets), but apparently they’re not even played by the actual guys.
It has little moments that remind me of other movies that I happen to love: a drop of THEY LIVE, a slight whiff of HOLY MOUNTAIN. But mostly it reminds me of BROWN BUNNY remade with robots and no blowjob. There’s about 10 minutes of plot stretched into 74 minutes of movie. It’s not for everybody, or most, or very many. I thought it was great though. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
The Allusionist on Æon Flux: “Hey Paramount, release the Kusama cut of Aeon Flux, you cowards.” Apr 13, 18:18
RRA on The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas: “Alex R – people forget that Scrappy Doo probably saved the Scooby Doo cartoons from getting cancelled in the 80s,…” Apr 13, 13:36
Aktion Figure on Æon Flux: “And at the least, couldn’t they have done the episode where she makes the heist, gets away and steps on…” Apr 13, 13:01
Aktion Figure on Æon Flux: “This was a phenomenally disappointing one. As a kid, sneaking up at night to watch Liquid Television and catching these…” Apr 13, 12:57
pegsman on A Working Man: “How cool wouldn’t UNDER SIEGE have been if Ryback was just a cook…” Apr 12, 22:14
CJ Holden on Blade of the 47 Ronin: “Randomly watched it today and while it isn’t a DTV all-timer, I had quite fun with it. It really felt…” Apr 12, 13:14
Acid Burn on A Working Man: “Honestly, I wouldn’t question it.” Apr 11, 08:35
CJ Holden on Prayer of the Rollerboys: “RE: Mel Brooks producing SOLARBABIES. Sadly they don’t mention it in the excellent HBO documentary about Brooks, but somewhere else…” Apr 11, 07:45
Curt on Prayer of the Rollerboys: “Maybe a triple feature with GLEAMING THE CUBE, the Christian Slater skateboarding movie with a sci-fi-sounding title.” Apr 11, 05:48
Mr. Majestyk on Prayer of the Rollerboys: “Yeah, any hack can think up a fake movie about rollerblading punks, but you really gotta give a shit to…” Apr 11, 05:19
CJ Holden on Prayer of the Rollerboys: “I kinda spent the last day marveling over this title. This is something that sounds like a made up movie,…” Apr 10, 21:53
Acid Burn on The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas: “It’s very funny to me that Vern’s above-linked RI¢HIE RI¢H review also bemoans the film’s disastrous mistake of omitting Irona.…” Apr 10, 21:23
Mr. Majestyk on A Working Man: ““How badass is he?” speech and it’s just “He worked a double shift at a Waffle House Memorial Day weekend.…” Apr 10, 19:27
Acid Burn on A Working Man: “I do love the “they were in the military” trope Vern mentions, films seemingly existing in a world where day…” Apr 10, 18:40
Acid Burn on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “…for a contractually obligated three-week window before hitting [remaining streaming service TBD]” Apr 10, 17:58
note: this review is excessively long and convoluted and takes forever to get to the point, but only as a clever form-is-an-extension-of-content type reference to the movie it describes, in my opinion. Unfortunately I could never match the feel of the movie no matter how hard I tried. It’s like when some asshole reviews a Dr. Seuss movie in rhymes or some shit like that.
released June 29th, 2001
released June 8th, 2001
SAVAGE DAWN is a post-apocalyptic-town-harassed-by-bikers movie very similar to 
This might end up lost to history, but I feel that the internet’s lead-up to the release of the TRON sequel could be characterized as a “nerd frenzy.” Breathless reports described every onscreen visual and audience sound during the comics convention’s high profile promotional screenings of test films and trailers. Websights covered every angle of every advertising gimmick, poster or still. They wrote about promotional “Flynn’s Arcade” tokens like they were frozen Jesus tears.
SOURCE CODE is a fun thriller with a clever sci-fi premise: what if for some reason they remade 
Well, not too many people got a chance to examine the evidence, but MR. STITCH was the first solid proof that Roger Avary could stand on his own without reminding anybody of his video store co-worker Quentin Tarantino. Two years after winning an Oscar for PULP FICTION he was directing a DTV movie. Of course around here we know there’s no shame in that, but I guess it was not the original plan, just what happened when him and Rutger Hauer couldn’t agree on anything, according to 
Last year I honestly couldn’t remember which one was LET ME IN and which one was NEVER LET ME GO. It’s similar to the great “A ______ MAN” onslaught that made it easy to mix up A SINGLE MAN, A SERIOUS MAN, A SOLITARY MAN, THE EXTRA MAN, etc. And Denzel made a movie called UNSTOPPABLE even though Wesley already had a movie called that, and Seagal made BORN TO RAISE HELL around the same time as a gay porn of the same name came out. It’s all so confusing.
Daft Punk are those two French guys who played the robotic club DJs in 
