I reviewed STEALTH when it came out and, though I was alone on this, I really enjoyed it. I didn’t believe I was entirely receiving it in the spirit intended, but maybe it sorta knows what it’s doing? Doesn’t matter – death of the author. These days director Rob Cohen is disdained for allegations of sexual assault, but back then it was just for the quality of his movies. Since I only knew about the movie part I was okay with him, ‘cause I always liked DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS started a run of increasingly stupid movies that I got a kick out of (after this there was THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, ALEX CROSS, THE BOY NEXT DOOR and ).
I was pretty excited to return to it, expecting my original verdict to hold true, but I hyped myself up too much. This time it had a few laughs but the aerial spectacle (involving lots of animation and green screen cockpit acting that might’ve been a little ahead of its time) gets pretty repetitive. I did like that Cohen has virtual shots going through the circuitry of the jet, repeating his trademark move from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. (read the rest of this shit…)
Back in 2020 there was a pretty cool indie action type thing called BECKY. Lulu Wilson (The Haunting of Hill House) played a sullen thirteen year old trying to emotionally survive a cabin retreat with her widower father and his new fiance when suddenly she has to physically survive a home invasion by a neo-nazi gang. They killed her family (except for her dog Diego) so she hides the mysterious, possibly-mystical key they’re looking for and turns into kid McClane, violently hunting them using household and treehousehold items and wearing a cutesy knitted chipmunk hat.
I had some issues with BECKY but I enjoyed it enough to be excited by the prospect of a sequel with the pulpy title THE WRATH OF BECKY. It got a limited theatrical and VOD release back in May and has since come out on DVD (but not blu-ray I guess?). (read the rest of this shit…)
I skipped EVOLUTION in the summer of 2001 because it didn’t look very good. Hey, what do you know, it turns out me-of-ten-years-ago knew what he was doing. But for this important scholarly work it was crucial that I not just view the 2001 movies people remember. To truly get a feel for the period I had to watch at least one movie that came out that summer and then nobody ever thought about it again. (read the rest of this shit…)
(disclaimer: I started writing this review before everybody was writing about RED STATE playing at Sundance, and before you guys all discussed Kevin Smith to death. But I still decided to finish it because the tortoise vs. the hare, etc.)
Kevin Smith has been in the news lately for not wanting to be in the news. He’s done a few interviews about how he refuses to do interviews, and sights like /film have been kissing his ass for basically saying that sights like /film can kiss his ass. He has been doing promotion for his new movie RED STATE by going around saying that he will refuse to do any promotion for his new movie RED STATE.
I had no problem skipping this one when it came to theaters, but it was on DVD where the problems came up. Sure, I tried, but then motherfuckers kept recommending it to me. Saying it was “actually good” and “alot of fun” and all that kind of nonsense. After a while I figured well why not, give this Rock dude a shot. I skipped his mummy pictures, so all I know is he was in BEYOND THE MAT and he seemed like a nice guy. Goes by the name of Dwayne, I believe, in everyday life, but for wrestling and movies it’s last name Rock, first name The. No relation to Chris.
The movie was pretty much what I expected when I first succeeded in skipping it. Unfortunately when they’re trying out action heroes that have not yet convinced the Hollywood suits, they have to team them with some company man as his partner/buddy/”comic” relief sidekick. For example they pulled this shit on Chow Yun Fat in BULLET PROOF MONK and here they have the same fucking narc, Sean William Scott from the AMERICAN PIE teenage pictures, saddling down The Rock, making sure he stays in line and doesn’t pull anything funny like making a great movie. (read the rest of this shit…)
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
The version I saw is the unrated DVD, which I guess has extra pie fucking footage. in the original apparently it was a standing up with the pie position, wheras here it is a missionary position with the kid mounting the pie. The cover of the unrated DVD shows all the young gals on the cover but don’t be fooled, none of them do any pie fucking in the movie, it is only this one guy. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
CJ Holden on Mortal Kombat II: “Kinda weird that Tom Holkenborg isn’t making the music for these. With his dance music origins and epic drum beats…” May 14, 22:13
Curt on Twister: “BuzzFeedAldrin, to me the ultimate “anything and anyone can be a sellout” moment of 1990s cinema was in THE CROW,…” May 14, 15:25
Curt on Mortal Kombat II: “I apologize for adding to the “sequel that’s being made with the understanding that nobody liked the first one very…” May 14, 14:57
Curt on Dead Man: “Lance Henriksen was of course in both ALIENS and ALIEN 3, so we do in fact have the first four…” May 14, 14:48
burningambulance on Dead Man: ““William and Nobody also encounter some trappers named Salvatore “Sally” Jenko (Iggy Pop, TANK GIRL), Benmont Tench (Jared Harris, NATURAL…” May 14, 14:27
Kevin W on Mortal Kombat II: “Would Undisputed 2 qualify as that type of sequel? The original isn’t hated exactly but it doesn’t seem to be…” May 14, 13:39
zikade on Mortal Kombat II: “Mmmm sequels that have something to prove is just a giant list of comic book movies, honestly. THE INCREDIBLE HULK…” May 14, 13:35
Mr. Majestyk on Mortal Kombat II: ““ it’s one of those sequels that’s being made with the understanding that nobody liked the first one very much…” May 14, 12:32
Borg9 on Dead Man: “Yeah, I love this one too. Jarmusch does indeed seem to have real respect for genre film making and film…” May 14, 03:17
CJ Holden on Dead Man: “This was my first Jarmusch movie. It was on TV pretty often and one day after work I just blind…” May 13, 22:37
Hammer Time on Original Gangstas: “I forget if it was Ebert who said that a mark of a bad movie is if you’d rather watch…” May 13, 20:46
Hammer Time on Twister: “Vern, all of your reviews are great but I feel like you were really on the jazz with this one.…” May 13, 20:39
JTS on Twister: “Helen Hunt played Rafael Casal’s mom in the Blindspotting TV show that Casal and Diggs co-created, which came out in…” May 13, 19:53
Bob Vila on Dead Man: “20 or so years ago, this guy Raife (a dour Russian Lit major) said he had a great movie he…” May 13, 19:16
Alex R on Dead Man: “This is a great review— I’ve never thought of the acid western/anti-western distinction but it’s definitely acid. I haven’t seen…” May 13, 16:36
July 29, 2005
).
Back in 2020 there was a pretty cool indie action type thing called 
released June 8th, 2001
(
I had no problem skipping this one when it came to theaters, but it was on DVD where the problems came up. Sure, I tried, but then motherfuckers kept recommending it to me. Saying it was “actually good” and “alot of fun” and all that kind of nonsense. After a while I figured well why not, give this Rock dude a shot. I skipped his mummy pictures, so all I know is he was in BEYOND THE MAT and he seemed like a nice guy. Goes by the name of Dwayne, I believe, in everyday life, but for wrestling and movies it’s last name Rock, first name The. No relation to Chris.
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
