The V/H/S brand property franchise has been going for 14 years now. Its previous entries are V/H/S, V/H/S/2, V/H/S: VIRAL, V/H/S/94, V/H/S/99, V/H/S/85, V/H/S/BEYOND, V/H/S/HALLOWEEN, and also a “Snapchat-released miniseries” called V/H/S: VIDEO HORROR SHORTS. But until the new one V/H/S/MIXTAPE I had never seen any of them (unless you count Jason Eisener’s KIDS VS. ALIENS, spun off from a segment in V/H/S/2).

I’ve just been stubborn, I guess. There’s no real reason not to give them a shot. I’ve just been skeptical because I think the anthology format almost by definition creates a half-weight, insubstantial movie, almost guaranteed to be a mixed bag at best. And I am much less fond of found footage horror than of anthologies, so combining the two sounded like the worst of both worlds.

Still, I can understand why it’s been an enduring series, since the relative ease of making a V/H/S segment vs. making a real movie or even a short that anybody would ever see makes it appealing for up-and-coming directors as well as established ones looking for something fun to do. Some of the directors who have taken part who I have enjoyed movies from include Adam Wingard (THE GUEST), Ti West (PEARL), Chloe Okuno (WATCHER), Nacho Vigalondo (COLOSSAL), Johannes Roberts (THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT), Scott Derrickson (THE GORGE) and Casper Kelly (THE FIREPLACE).

And yes, of course, I know that Timo Tjahjanto (THE NIGHT COMES FOR US) & Gareth Evans (THE RAID) famously did one in part 2 that is the only thing every single person who has ever tried to justify V/H/S ever points to. The Daredevil-hallway-fight of V/H/S. Okay, I will at least watch that one. I’m sorry. The way they finally got me to watch one, though, is to say it’s music themed and it has segments by RZA and Flying Lotus and features GWAR. Sounded fun.

I don’t know about the other ones, but the found footage angle here is fairly light. The wraparound is an MTV type broadcast hosted by GWAR, so maybe it was taped off of tv and we found the tapes. But also within the tape GWAR are sometimes finding tapes and putting them into organic, GWAR-ified VCRs.

I assume I don’t need to explain who GWAR is, since they’re an American institution, they were nominated for two Grammy awards (first in 1993 for Best Long From Music Video Phallus in Wonderland), and of course everyone knows them from their appearance in MYSTERY DATE. I have never followed them closely (or seen them live – I should change that), but like anyone I can get a smile from their Pee-wee’s-Slaughterhouse aesthetic and performative hyper-obscenity. This one begins with I believe their current guitarist Grodius getting into a jerking off contest with a duplicate of himself, firing laser-gun-like ketchup cannon phalluses at each other, and then his mom (himself in a blonde wig) walks in. One of those type of movies.

The first segment “Dance Dance Dance” is directed by Renee Zhan and written by Zoe Cooper and it’s about the veteran employee of a puppet workshop (Josh Willis) resisting the owner (Barbara Crampton, FROM BEYOND)’s plans to “reimagine” one of their old shows. On one hand, I bristle at the never-very-convincing trope of the fictional-beloved-kids-show, in this case called “Curiosity Chorus” and involving puppets who for some reason represent diseases and sing an annoying song about dancing and death. On the other hand, this is the rare version of that where they actually have Jim Henson’s Creature Shop involved, so the puppets and voices are legit. (And I assume they used one of their shops as the set.)

I have another “on the other hand.” The joke of this segment is the most beginner form of edgy humor in existence: what if cute puppets, except evil though? But the execution is impressive. The centerpiece is when a set of victims have to put their hands into the Curiosity Chorus puppets, which then begin moving on their own and give each of them an extravagant death, such as Crampton’s puppet spinning around until her arm twists off and geysers blood, and another having his face puked on and melting and he tears it off. Then there’s a good sequence of the annoying camera holder fleeing as various puppets in the shop pop out at him.

The shortest sequence is “Another Cabin,” directed by Flying Lotus. I like some of music and I admire that he does his various weird film projects, though I didn’t make it far into KUSO and found ASH more interesting than entertaining. His is just a simple thing about a tentacled monster attacking a boy in a cabin. From the credits it appears to be cg, but I wasn’t sure from looking at it, because it has a crude stop motion style to it, and character design a little bit like The PJs. It’s kind of cool, a little Liquid Television-y, but not much to write home about. (FlyLo also directed the GWAR segments, which gave me some laughs. I like the part where they say they should make a found footage movie and wonder how to find the footage.)

“Heartbeat” is written and directed by David Moreau (THEM, OTHER), it’s about an influencer couple (Julie Clergerie and Elie Kaempfen) exploring a hidden Russian military facility for fun, and unfortunately it did not make an impression on me at all except for the gore at the end. Sadly Ernest Dickerson (JUICE, BONES)’s “The Music of Mr. Sze” didn’t do much for me either, despite a more elaborate setup. But there’s a pretty cool artificial style to the Lovecraftian extra-dimensional business that Mr. Sze (Alex Hsu) is holding off (or something) with his music. A cool eyeball monster, etc.

“Premature Burial” is the segment by Tobias Forge, the leader of Ghost, another very theatrical and horror adjacent metal band but in a totally different way from GWAR. This one is just a music video that GWAR plays on their show. It has an authentic enough ‘80s look that I could have mistaken it for an actual old video, other than it having some gore that wouldn’t have aired on MTV. It is probly cool if you’re into this genre of music, but to me it just felt like having MTV on waiting to see if the next video is something I’m more into.

Actually yeah, I was more into the final segment, “Death Tone,” directed by RZA, who wrote it with Matt Landsman (assistant editor: EPK and BTS, BLADE RUNNER 2049). Much like RZA’s recent feature ONE SPOON OF CHOCOLATE, it’s a weird mix of kind of pretty good and somewhat baffling, made a little more charming by the personal touches I notice as a fan of his work. Since it’s really only intended as a one-joke Tales From the Crypt type thing it works.

The premise is that nepo-baby music producer Lydia (Neela Jolene, title character in 72 episodes of The Princess with the Cursed Mark, a Vigloo Original [South Korean short-form “microdrama” content slop for watching on phones]) is trying to finish a track her famous father was working on when he died, following lessons he left for her on an old cassette tape. Sounds like a perfect starting point for the RZA horror short, but immediately I wonder why he would want his lead to be this bland white girl, and why his famous deceased music producer would talk like a professor on an EVIL DEAD reel-to-reel? Of course filmmakers often seem clueless and uncool when trying to depict the music world, but this is the actual RZA!

Lydia interprets her dad’s advice to find unique sounds to mean she should murder people and record it. Her first victim is a yuppie douchebag she meets for drinks and then draws and quarters. By broad horror rules, we can laugh at this guy dying. But the second is a sweet-seeming singer she recruits at an open mic and chain saws in the studio. All bets are off.

For the Wu-Tang fan there is a SHOGUN ASSASSIN homage in the narration and a joke about “Protect Ya Neck” before decapitating a guy. The cop is named Detective Sharpe (Razor Sharp Records reference?) and he’s played by Understanding Diggs, who by the name I assume must be RZA’s son. I could laugh at Lydia’s line about the great musicians inspired by drugs – “Hendrix, the Peppers, Li’l Wayne” – because I think RZA genuinely doesn’t know or care about the distinctions most of us snobs would make between those artists. Also, it’s fun to hear her beat come together with samples from the foley and screams created for the murder scenes. All of these things give the project credibility because it’s the genuine personality of a musician coming through.

To use music terminology, I think they did a good job of sequencing. It kinda throws thing off that the first real segment doesn’t really fit the theme, but kicking off with the most technically impressive segment and ending with the most entertaining one is wise. And the GWAR wrap-around keeps you mildly amused in between. As far as my initial assumptions about the V/H/S format, this one is only occasionally hampered by the found footage conceits (I really do hate a voice behind a camera unconvincingly freaking out while implausibly continuing record), and it’s definitely higher in production value than I expect from found footage. You’ve got some animation, you’ve got a ton of puppets, you’ve got the GWAR costumes, and consistently the best thing about the movie is the practical gore effects.

Even the worst segments have some imaginative carnage. There’s a shot of the puppets sawing a guy’s head in half that is astounding. The makeup effects are credited to Little Shop of Gore and makeup FX designer Ryan Ward, who was in the crews for HALLOWEEN 2018, BONES AND ALL and TERRIFIER 3 but seems to have graduated to designer with BIG BABY. Maybe I should look for that one.

However, the traditional weakness of anthologies absolutely applies. Comparing a horror anthology to a mixtape is clever, and it’s a good comparison. We’re gonna throw together a bunch of different tastes, take you through some different styles, not be too precious about anything. But it’s a little too accurate; mixtapes are by definition lower effort, less planned, disposable. Can’t wait for the album.