"KEEP BUSTIN'."

Justice Ninja Style

JUSTICE NINJA STYLE is a shot-on-video but very enthusiastic independent action picture made in 1986 in the town of De Soto, Missouri (population 6,449 as of 2020), that came out on an extras-packed blu-ray earlier this year courtesy of the Vinegar Syndrome partner label VHShitfest.

Most of the regional movies like this that I’ve come across have been horror, and usually if those aren’t shot on film I turn them off, but I’m glad I gave this one a chance. It has the right balance of amateurishness, lack of self consciousness, underdog competence, and capturing of a particular time, place, and group of people, to be a fun one of these. And it soars by in 70 minutes (though the blu-ray includes a 15-minutes-longer alternate cut I didn’t get a chance to watch called NINJA THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR). (read the rest of this shit…)

A Nightmare On Elm Street (revisit)

Every Halloween if I’m able to I like to write an essay on one of the great horror movies. This particular one is very important to me in part because it’s the specific movie that turned me into a horror fan. I’ve written about it before but here I try to get at both why I still love it and how it speaks to me about the world today. Hopefully I’ve done it justice. Happy Halloween, everyone.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET begins either in the past or a dream. A montage plays inside a rectangle within the larger frame, in which the hands of Fred Krueger (Robert Englund, SLASHED DREAMS) construct what will be a major element of his iconography: his four-bladed right-hand glove. Maybe the thought at the time was that a horror movie couldn’t just jump out with a crazy weapon like that – they had to establish it.

The scene fades to black as the title comes up, and the next shot, of the blades cutting through fabric, fills the screen. We’re definitely in a dream as Tina (Amanda Wyss, FORCE: FIVE) runs from a white void into a flooded, steaming, labyrinthine boiler room where she’s stalked by Freddy, who calls her name, cackles, makes his (new?) claws squeal against metal like fingers on a chalkboard. Right when he grabs her she wakes up, escaping into reality, but she finds four slashes in her nightgown. (read the rest of this shit…)

Murder Party (2007)

I enjoy the work of director Jeremy Saulnier. He did the bleak, regular-dude-sloppily-getting-revenge movie BLUE RUIN in 2013, followed by the punks vs. bigots favorite GREEN ROOM in 2015, and then he kind of went off the radar because HOLD THE DARK (2018) only exists in the mists of Netflix, but I liked that one too.

Those three movies paint a certain picture of what kind of filmmaker Saulnier might be. They may have moments of humor, but they’re all very grim and dry, the emphasis on their unblinking look into the dark fringes of life, with a particular fascination for people not too cool to step into enormous fuck ups and messes that movie characters usually don’t. In BLUE RUIN, for example, the protagonist steals a gun to use in a murder, but it has a lock on it, so he tries to break it off with a rock, and breaks the gun. In HOLD THE DARK a guy shoots at cops from a barn with a high powered rifle and they just scurry around helplessly for several minutes until our protagonist gets a gun and takes careful aim… and then he can’t hit him either.

What I think is fairly unknown or forgotten about Saulnier is that his first film, a whole six years before the wide acclaim of BLUE RUIN, presents that view of life in the context of a straight-up horror comedy. (read the rest of this shit…)

Sleepaway Camp II: Happy Campers / Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland

Many years back I wrote about SLEEPAWAY CAMP, a unique and noteworthy slasher sleazefest from two-time East Coast indie filmmaker Robert Hiltzik. I also reviewed his only followup, the lesser known but similarly crazy RETURN TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP. But until now I never returned to the two odd sequels from the late ‘80s, from the production company behind BLOOD RAGE and some Frank Stallone movies. Because they were new when I came of horror age they actually made way more of an impression on me growing up than the grimier original did.

These ones have a totally different feel, much more tongue-in-cheek, but still pretty befuddling. They were shot back-to-back (you know, like the BACK TO THE FUTURE or THE MATRIX trilogies), and you can tell, though they kindly switch up the premise slightly. Both are directed by Michael A. Simpson (FUNLAND) and written by Michael Hitchcock (WHERE THE DAY TAKES YOU) under the pseudonym Fritz Gordon. (read the rest of this shit…)

The Birds / The Birds II: Land’s End

THE BIRDS. By Alfred Hitchcock. The one where the birds attack. Good movie. He was a total bastard to Tippi Hedren but she was good in it. Her first movie. Then she raised Melanie Griffith and a bunch of lions.

Hedren plays Melanie Daniels, and what I definitely didn’t properly appreciate the last time I saw this as a younger person is what a great weirdo Melanie is. During the large portion of the movie where the disaster hasn’t fully made itself known it’s just a funny story about a woman behaving very unreasonably, and not giving a shit, because it amuses her. She’s fun to watch.

It starts in a San Francisco bird store, where Melanie is trying to buy a myna bird. A man named Mitch (Rod Taylor, 101 DALMATIANS, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS) starts talking to her like she works there, asking about buying a pair of lovebirds for his 11-year-old sister’s birthday. She plays along, but it turns out he knows she doesn’t work there, he’s a lawyer and recognizes her from a court appearance over some unknown prank she played that “resulted in the smashing of a plate glass window.” For some reason he starts giving her a bunch of shit about it.

“What are you? A policeman?” she asks.

“I simply believe in the law, Miss Daniels, and I’m not too keen on practical jokers.” (read the rest of this shit…)

The Retreat (2020)/The Retreat (2021)

Every October for the last 14 years I’ve been doing what I call “Slasher Search,” where I try to scrounge up some obscure slasher movies you probly never heard of, preferably from the ‘80s, and usually still only available on VHS. Originally the hope was to discover some little-known gems from this particular subgenre and era I enjoy, or at least get to dissect some strange ones, and I achieved those things for a long time. But between the finite number of stomachable films of this type, my deep scraping of the barrel, and the fine work of Arrow, Vinegar Syndrome and other blu-ray companies to shine their bigger spotlights on movies like this, I’m having a hard time finding fresh material these days. There will always be new horror out there to discover, but not ones that I considered eligible for the name Slasher Search.

I started to think I was reaching the end of the line last year, but some of you kindly encouraged me to keep going even if it meant adjusting the rules to a different type of movie. So I’m taking your advice. This year I’ll try exploring a different era of also-ran low budget exploitation by treating Tubi (and possibly other ad-supported streaming services) as my video store, searching for titles I’ve never heard of, to see if I can find some watchable ones. I went through a page of 1,000 horror titles and jotted down a long list of not-well-known vaguely slasher-ish ones, and I’ll pick some out to sample. We’ll see how it goes. No guarantees are being made. (Except that I started late due to all that EXORCIST business so most of the posts will come after Halloween.) (read the rest of this shit…)

Speak No Evil (2022)

SPEAK NO EVIL is the English title for the Danish film Gæsterne (The Guests). It’s directed by Christian Tafdrup, an actor who was in The Killing and Borgen, and he co-wrote it with his brother Mads. I watched it on Shudder with only a vague awareness that it had been on some people’s lists of best movies in the banner horror year of 2022. I keep forgetting the title and questioning whether it’s actually SEE NO EVIL or HEAR NO EVIL, but no, it’s gotta be SPEAK, ‘cause there’s a kid in it with no tongue. Anyway, it was a successful viewing. If my stomach was coal it would’ve turned into diamonds.

If you’re not one for slow burns then approach with caution, because this one takes so long to seal the deal as an official horror film that I was honestly not sure if it ever would. But the truth is I didn’t think it needed to. To me the deeply uncomfortable social situations most of the running time is dedicated to are far more torturous than any cinematic maimings or killings. (Though I ordinarily prefer the latter.) (read the rest of this shit…)

Cobweb (2023 American film)

COBWEB (2023 American film) is not to be confused with COBWEB (2023 South Korean film directed by Kim Jee-woon). Totally different thing. This is a new horror movie that wafted briefly through theaters during the OppBarbenheimerie era, came out on disc a few weeks ago, now is on Hulu. I knew nothing about it except that some people had said it was good, and that served me well. It’s a pretty simple story that benefits from a sense of unfolding mystery, so I’ll try to tread lightly for a bit and then warn you when it’s time to start stomping.

One reason to review it right away: it’s a Halloween movie. It’s set in the week leading up to the holiday, there’s a field of pumpkins outside the house that most of it takes place in, there’s a crucial pumpkin-smashing incident. So it’s good for the season. (read the rest of this shit…)

Night of the Hunted (2023)

NIGHT OF THE HUNTED is a really tense, unsettling single-location thriller just released to Shudder. It’s directed by Franck Khalfoun (who did the Elijah-Wood-starring remake of MANIAC), and he co-wrote it with Glen Freyer, remade from the 2015 Spanish film LA NOCHE DEL RATON (NIGHT OF THE RAT). The premise is about as simple as they come: a woman on her way home late at night gets trapped in a gas station mini-mart by a sniper.

As usual in these sorts of set ups, the protagonist is already going through some drama. Alice (Camille Rowe, KNUCKLEDUST) was attending a convention for work with her co-worker John (Jeremy Scippio, UNDERBELLY BLUES). They’re driving in the middle of the night to get her home in time to see a fertility doctor with her husband Erik (Aleksander Popovic, KNOCK KNOCK 2). But we can see by the nonchalant way John gets into the shower in front of her that they’re having an affair. And we can see from Erik’s texts that they’re aware of problems in the marriage they’re trying to work out. She’s clearly wrestling with what to do with her life, and annoyed with John too, and then she goes in to get coffee, finds no one on duty to buy it from, and gets shot in the arm. (read the rest of this shit…)

John Logan horror double feature: Bats (1999) and They/Them (2022)

Are you familiar with the screenwriter John Logan? He’s been nominated for three Oscars – for GLADIATOR, THE AVIATOR, and HUGO. He also wrote THE LAST SAMURAI, SKYFALL and ALIEN: COVENANT, among others. But his first movie and his most recent one (which was his directorial debut) are both sorta lowbrow horror movies. So let’s take a look at those.

First up is BATS. (Note that I did not, and would not, write “first up to bat is BATS.” So give me some credit.) I remember this coming out in 1999 and I’m surprised I waited this long to ever see it. Not that it has aged well. Other than some KNB puppetry and a few other signs of production value, it’s hard to distinguish from hundreds of SyFy Channel movies* in the ensuing decades. But I will try.

*the 2007 sequel, BATS: HUMAN HARVEST, was in fact made for the Sci-Fi Channel

Director Louis Morneau (CARONSAUR 2, THE HITCHER II: I’VE BEEN WAITING, JOY RIDE 2: DEAD AHEAD) brings us the story of a swarm of genetically altered bats terrorizing the small town of Gallup, Texas. It opens with the funny idea of two teens getting batted to death in a car at a makeout spot, but to be honest the chaotic shots and editing left me totally unclear what was supposed to have happened. We don’t even get a funny skeleton. (read the rest of this shit…)