SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey Folks, Harry here with the man-god Vern and his preview look at URBAN LEGENDS 3: BLOODY MARY. Ya know… some folks have all the luck, Vern has the rest. Now, behold as he unveils to all of us – the films we’re dying to see are always in front of his eyes. Now here ya go…
Hey fellas,
Vern here on the straight to video beat. Usually I prefer the real whacked out bad ones (Seagal) but as a Positive individual and an idealist it is my duty to report when I manage to see one that’s surprisingly decent. Don’t get too excited, I’m not really recommending this picture. Standard direct to video rules apply. Probaly shouldn’t rent it, but if you’re stuck in a hotel somewhere and it’s on cable, and you don’t want to spring for the porn, it’s not that bad. Competence is a quality that is rare in the world of DTV sequels, so it’s worth applauding. Good job on the competence with this one, guys.
You may be familiar with the URBAN LEGEND(S) series, you just don’t remember that you are, because who the fuck cares. The first one was called URBAN LEGEND, it was one of the late ’90s SCREAM ripoffs, a formula “who is the masked killer?” movie with the murders based on famous urban legends, like the one where the guy blows up from eating too many pop rocks. The second one was URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT, where the title mysteriously became plural and the director was John Ottman, composer/editor for the Bryan Singer pictures. Not really connected to the first one but it’s another urban legend themed surprise masked slasher picture. It maybe had a little more class than the first one, but not much. So you guys probaly remember it only as the reason why John Ottman didn’t do the score for X-MEN.
Well now, who the fuck knows why – there’s no way to really know – but suddenly there’s a straight to video part 3, URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY. This time instead of getting Bryan Singer’s composer, they got his writers. The script is by Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris. They are the writers of X-MEN PART 2 and some upcoming ones like ENDER’S GAME, LOGAN’S RUN and one called SUPERMAN RETURNS. (I looked it up and it’s not the one with Richard Pryor, it is a new one that hasn’t come out yet. I never heard of the dude playing Superman but otherwise it sounds like a theatrical release. Harry maybe your goons could look into this.)
The director for BLOODY MARY is non-bloody Mary Lambert, who did the PET CEMETERY movies, and some other worse ones. At least I heard of her though. Compared to most DTV directors, she’s a legend.
This one isn’t really connected to the others (there’s just a reference to the first one in a newspaper article) and instead of following the SCREAM formula it’s more in a THE RING mold. It’s another series of urban legend inspired deaths but this time the perpetrator is the ghost of a poor gal killed by her date on prom night 1969. Not one of the better prom dates it sounds like. Of course there are two teens, a brother and sister, who have to get to the bottom of it. They know about the ghost but nobody believes them, and they have to figure out the pattern and how to stop the curse. spooooky.
It follows the expected formula but like I said, it does it with stunning adequacy. A shoo-in for many of this year’s top 100 most okay movies lists. There are actually some smart moves here and there. Instead of some wise voodoo woman or tarot card reader giving them exposition, they go to a burnt out stoner ex-revolutionary who still has an afro so you recognize her from the 1969 flashbacks. Everything she tells them is true, but she seems to mainly know it because she’s stoned out of her mind. I also liked how the kids had to go to school for the old “research the ridiculously complete online newspaper archives” scene because their internet at home is dial-up. The bad guys are the football team, and one of them is a pretty hilarious dumb jock stereotype with two ridiculous hoop earrings, and he dies taking a piss. Another guy spends his last night in the most sleazy way possible: drinking a 40 in a cheap hotel, watching scrambled porn (URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY wasn’t on) while his dog farts and licks his fingers.
The cast is not ready for theatrical but they all do fine and, in a weird twist, the actors look like they could actually be in high school. Freddy Prinze Jr. I guess was busy.
Most importantly, there’s some pretty gruesome deaths. The most memorable one involves 1) large mirror shards and 2) hundreds of spiders. Okay, so they’re CGI spiders, and they make that stupid squeaky noise that bugs in movies always make and bugs in real life could not possibly make, even with training. So it’s not perfect but it’s still pretty god damned disgusting. Good job on that one.
I don’t know though, this urban legend gimmick sounds good on paper, but it doesn’t really do much for me. They already did the pop rocks and waking up without a kidney in the previous installments, so what does that leave? I was hoping they would work in the one about Alphonso Ribeiro breaking his neck doing a headspin. Or the one about how there’s two different endings to KING KONG VS. GODZILLA. I guess they couldn’t figure out a way to work those in.
Well that’s about it. In summary: this movie is not really that bad, which for a movie like this is an astonishing achievement. Before I go though I want to suggest a topic for the talkbacks. Everyone is always amazed to find out what movies get DTV sequels. For example I liked MIMIC okay, but where the hell did those two sequels come from? So I would like everybody to suggest other movies for mysterious out of the blue video sequeling. Picture these suddenly showing up, with low budgets and new casts: THE RELIC II, ENTRAPMENT 2, GUNG HO: THE NEW BATCH, I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID AGAIN LAST SUMMER, DANGEROUS MINDS: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI, GHOST DOG: RESURRECTION, EDTV.COM, and DEEPER RISING (starring Tom Berenger instead of Treat Williams, a reverse SUBSTITUTE maneuver).
anyway, thanks for your time, stop me before I watch again
–Vern
Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/20292
View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback
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May 22, 2005, 5:26 a.m. CST
I hate you, Vern.
by MattCG
You make this crap seem entertaining.
Oh and, I want to see “Ice Pirates 2”. I’m pretty sure they could get just about everyone who played in the original back.
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May 22, 2005, 5:33 a.m. CST
Schindler’s List 2: The Next List
by Angry Chimp
More shower scene nudity, this time with co-eds… Anyone? Can’t be any worse than the original…
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May 22, 2005, 5:36 a.m. CST
Annie Hall 2: Annie Bedroom
by Angry Chimp
Hilarious DTV follow up with Ben Affleck as Woody Allen and Cameron Diaz as Diane Keaton. Pisses all over the original
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May 22, 2005, 6:24 a.m. CST
MASTER AND COMMANDERER: THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
by godoffireinhell
Aubrey builds a wooden space rocket out of the remains of his destroyed ship and battles robotic spiders and nymphomanic antropomorphic cats on the moon. Gold.
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May 22, 2005, 6:25 a.m. CST
TERROR IN TINY TOWN 2: GROWING UP
by godoffireinhell
The midgets discover a magical groth serum. Hilarity ensues.
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May 22, 2005, 6:26 a.m. CST
SUSPIRIA 2: BEWITCHED
by godoffireinhell
This may actually be in the works somewhere at Dimension Films.
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May 22, 2005, 6:30 a.m. CST
DRILLER KILLER 2: ANAL DRILLER
by godoffireinhell
Porn sequel to Abel Ferrara’s cult hit. Directed by Jules Jordan. Starring Jessie J, Belladonna, Gauge, Taylor Rain and Abel Ferrara as the Anal Driller.
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May 22, 2005, 7:07 a.m. CST
Vern
by Ribbons
You are awesome. That is all.
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May 22, 2005, 7:07 a.m. CST
Titanic 2: The Iceberg Strikes Back
by moviemaniac-7
And I know that the execs at Fox and still weeping about the fact there can’t be a sequel to that one. I, for one, mildly enjoyed Urban Legends 2, if only for the reference to the first one at the very end with the nurse. Nice touch. Best B-movie sequel still is Delta Force 2 — just because it’s Norris.
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May 22, 2005, 7:29 a.m. CST
“Relic II”
by SalvatoreGravano
That’s “Reliquary”. And it’s infinitely better than its film version might be, considering how hideously bad the adaptation of the first “Relic” was.
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May 22, 2005, 7:34 a.m. CST
BORN AGAIN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY and other Stone(d) Sequels
by godoffireinhell
U-TURN AGAIN: Sean Penn and J-LO return as zombies. Also: JFK 2: NEW EVIDENCE, ANY GIVEN MONDAY, PLATOON 2: BACK 2 ‘NAM, THE DOORS 2: THIS WAS NOT THE END MY SWEETEST FRIEND, ALEXANDER 2: COMING OUT STRAIGHT …
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May 22, 2005, 7:37 a.m. CST
Vern – I posted this on your 7 Seconds review but
by Shan
it was after it dropped off the main page. Anyway, you said I might find it hard to believe you’d seen almost all the straight to video sequels I named. As I wrote before, I had no trouble believing you’d seen those films because (back to what I wrote before) –
… as I have seen some of your past reviews on some of these movies for starters. Obviously if a straight to video 2 leads to a 3 and so on, part 2 at least must have made money. They’re excellent fodder for some very funny talkbacks and reviews. By the way Vern, the DTV market is huge in Japan and some films made for that market turn out to be good enough for/evolve into cinema films (best example Juon). Have you seen Takashi Miike’s “Dead or Alive”? It has this fantastic opening sequence and what must be the most amazing end of any action film ever, which I guess is the logically end to the ever more hyperbolic action setpieces in action films in general. Fudoh is also a credible entry of excessive action ultraviolence and is a good entry to Miike’s films as it at least has a plot you can follow easily enough (I mean, I wouldn’t recommend anyone starting with Gozu or Izo for starters …).
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May 22, 2005, 7:38 a.m. CST
godoffireinhell they alreay made Suspiria 2…
2005-05-22 06:26
by lutz
It was called “Inferno” and was also directed by Dario Argento. And the third one “La Terza Madre” he will be directing -supposedly- this year (he’s been continually putting it off so who knows).
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May 22, 2005, 7:45 a.m. CST
Return Of The Queen of the Damned.
by lutz
Akasha is back from hell to prepare for the coming of her new master MEMNOCH THE DEVIL. “All she wants is hell on Earth.”
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May 22, 2005, 7:54 a.m. CST
Lutz
by Ridge
Yeah and they’d dig up Aaliyah to do the part too lol
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May 22, 2005, 7:57 a.m. CST
BOOGIE NIGHTS 2 — RISE OF THE HEDGEHOG
by VatoLoco
Also Vern, lift up your skirt and grab your balls , just admit you liked the film!!!Plus anyone reading your reviews doesn’t need to be lectured about lowered expectations!!
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May 22, 2005, 8:03 a.m. CST
Alien: Hybrid.
by lutz
Based on the premise that another Military crew also genetically engineered Ripley. Though this clone turned out to be evil and went off into the sunset with the Newborn and bred a whole new race of Hybrid Alien creatures. Now good Ripley from Alien Resurrection must stop her before it’s too late… With the marketing as follows “This Summer… The Bitch is Back”… Followed by a short shot of Ripley’s Clone being bitch slapped by Ripley’s other Clone
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May 22, 2005, 8:04 a.m. CST
RUSHMORE 2: RUSHMORER
by Angry Chimp
Even more Bill Murray in his ‘laconic middleaged man role’ – that never gets tired
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May 22, 2005, 8:05 a.m. CST
Actually, I’d have settled for a decent Star Wars sequel – oh we
by Angry Chimp
STAR WARS 7: The acting strikes back.
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May 22, 2005, 8:06 a.m. CST
FOOTLOOSE 2: FOOTLOOSER
by Angry Chimp
Couldn’t resist.
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May 22, 2005, 8:09 a.m. CST
Ridge.
by lutz
Nah Akasha will be horribly burnt and disfugured after having passed throught the fires of hell. But for the finale where she attempts to bring Memnoch over to earth (set atop the Empire State Building, after a number of blood sacrifices to her evil lord) she will be returned -via CG with unused footage from the original movie- to her former glory…
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May 22, 2005, 8:47 a.m. CST
The Matrix Rebooted.
by Shan
Sorry, couldn’t help myself either.
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May 22, 2005, 8:52 a.m. CST
DEUCE BIGALOW EUROPEAN GIGOLO
by hiperaktiv
…oh they already made that one.
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May 22, 2005, 9:01 a.m. CST
BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION
by godoffireinhell
Novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Glass (Morrissey) to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.
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May 22, 2005, 9:02 a.m. CST
“Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Madsen?”
by Dolph
I’m sorry.
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May 22, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST
Cube 3: Cube Cubed
by Shan
You know it makes sense.
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May 22, 2005, 9:04 a.m. CST
UN CHIEN ANDALOU 2: SLICE HARDER
by godoffireinhell
But before they make that one they’ll remake the original in color and with state-of-the-art CGI.
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May 22, 2005, 9:20 a.m. CST
Saw 3: See-Saw – In the Balance
by Shan
Now I ought to be ashamed of myself.
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May 22, 2005, 9:22 a.m. CST
Catwoman returns – The Curse of the Black Cat
by Judge Doom
That
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May 22, 2005, 9:24 a.m. CST
DON’T TELL MOM; THE BABYSITTER’S STILL DEAD
by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports
THIRTEEN II: FOURTEEN.
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May 22, 2005, 10:06 a.m. CST
Tremors 5: Still Shaking.
by Shan
or T5: Still on the booze, T5: Withdrawing from the booze or anything else related to alcohol and shaking …
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May 22, 2005, 10:09 a.m. CST
XXX 3 : Triple Triple X
by Shan
9 X’s?: The Next Next Level ???
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May 22, 2005, 10:12 a.m. CST
Wall Street 2: Chimps in Charge
by Clutchton
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May 22, 2005, 10:39 a.m. CST
The Stuff 2: More Of The Same Stuff.
by Regicidal_Maniac
or Stuff Harder. Either one.
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May 22, 2005, 10:47 a.m. CST
When Harry Met Sally’s Best Friend From High School
by chiahead
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May 22, 2005, 10:50 a.m. CST
The One 2: Three
by Some Dude
Sequel to Jet Li’s “The One” starts with the discovery that there are actually three multiverses, meaning there will be three good Lis squaring off against three bad Lis.
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May 22, 2005, 10:53 a.m. CST
Herbie: Out of His Fucking Mind on Coke
by HypeEndsHere
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May 22, 2005, 11:01 a.m. CST
The Others 2: The Other Others
by jrpacman
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May 22, 2005, 11:01 a.m. CST
Batman Began
by quantum_ken
Batman Beginser? Batman Returns Again? Batman vs. Superman?
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May 22, 2005, 11:02 a.m. CST
Triple XXX: Snuff
by quantum_ken
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May 22, 2005, 11:05 a.m. CST
“Cube 3” is actually “Cube:Zero”
by Jack Burton
Actually a cool flick. Weirder then the other two, a lot of Terry Gilliam influence.
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May 22, 2005, 11:09 a.m. CST
Under Siege 3: Terrorists on A Hot Air Balloon
by quantum_ken
Steven Seagal and his daughter try and stop terrorists from taking over a specially engineered hot air balloon that is hundred times more deadly than a normal balloon because it’s really explosive. The movie ends with Seagal climbing onto the balloon (almost slipping off!) and fighting an Islamic terrorist on the balloon.
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May 22, 2005, 11:20 a.m. CST
Star Wars Episode IIXVI: The Revenge of the Rise of the Galacti
by HypeEndsHere
“Aw fuck it! Look, why waste time with the movie? We’ll just make the posters and you go buy the cereal and action figures. and read Ovid’s Metamorphasis if you want some mythology, ‘kay?”
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May 22, 2005, 11:27 a.m. CST
Advanced stages of sequelitis…
by topdeckshandy
Braddock: Missing in The Self-Help Section of Borders
Police Academy 8: Assignment Chechya
RFK
Last Action Hero 2: starring Wings Hauser and Michael Dudikoff
A Time to Kill the Firm’s Client: a young idealistic southern lawyer (Bo Hopkins) battles The Klan (Pruitt Taylor Vince), the Mafia (Frankie Muniz), Hooper (Burt Reynolds) and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (themselves) in court over the sequel rights to Erin Brockovich 2: Electric Boogaloo
Spam of Chucky
and so on
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May 22, 2005, 11:27 a.m. CST
I know of this Cube Zero of which you speak …
by Shan
But we could go on and call the next film Cube 3. We don’t have to number the films in the order they are made. Star Wars anyone?
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May 22, 2005, 11:28 a.m. CST
Punctuation?
by topdeckshandy
Like, just shoot me.
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May 22, 2005, 11:36 a.m. CST
WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S 3: OPERATION – FORMALDEHYDE!
by Flim_
I think technically this would be considered a horror, since Bernie would be about 60% skeletal by now.
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May 22, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST
The Passion of the Christ 2: Revenge of the Christ
by sexandsin
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May 22, 2005, 11:38 a.m. CST
THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI ACROSS THE EIGHTH DIMENSION 2:
by Flim_
This writes itself.
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May 22, 2005, 11:40 a.m. CST
SE7EN + 2 = 9INE
by Flim_
Turns out John Doe was actually the dead dog lying in the road in the final scene of the original… Sweeeeet!
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May 22, 2005, 11:42 a.m. CST
SPINAL TAP 2: THE QUESTION IS HOW MUCH MORE SPINAL TAP COULD IT
by Flim_
I’d watch this one for sure.
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May 22, 2005, 11:47 a.m. CST
CITIZEN KANE 2: CITIZEN KANE HODDER
by Flim_
OK, tell me you wouldn’t dig this premise: Charles Foster Kane versus Jason Voorhees!
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May 22, 2005, 11:49 a.m. CST
Superman Forever and then (naturally) Superman and Robin
by quantum_ken
And then some “edgy” tattooed short guy gives us the gritty neo-realistic “Superman Begins”.
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May 22, 2005, 11:51 a.m. CST
Philadelphia II: Lesbians
by DanielKurland
That’s all she wrote, folks.
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May 22, 2005, 11:51 a.m. CST
Armageddon 2: The Next Apocalypse
by Sro100
Carrie 3: The New Class
Fast Times at Ridgemont High: The Next Generation
Baby Geniuses 3: Super Toddlers
Taxi Driver 2005: The Next Fare
Raging Bull 2: The Kumite
Passion of the Christ 2: The Resurrection
Videodrome 2: The Computer Virus
Tango and Cash 2: The Benjamins
King’s Ransom 2: Royal Flush
The Honeymooners 2: Back to the Sewer
Omen: Return of Damien
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May 22, 2005, 12:03 p.m. CST
Why is this on AICN?
by fiester
This is possibly the most irrelevent article I’ve even seen on here.
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May 22, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST
Missing in Action warped reality.
by Shan
I loved the way Chuck Norris would lead a group to escape across the border from Vietnam to Thailand. I always wondered how they managed that since Vietnam and Thailand do not share a land border.
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May 22, 2005, 12:12 p.m. CST
Heaven’s Gate II: Fireplace Full of Cash
by HypeEndsHere
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May 22, 2005, 12:16 p.m. CST
About Citizen Kane 2 …
by Shan
Does that mean Rosebud was his machete?
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May 22, 2005, 12:24 p.m. CST
The Matrix: Blue Screen of Death
by JediStryker
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May 22, 2005, 12:33 p.m. CST
Yep
by Honky Tonk
Kazam II: Genie in The Bottle Gets Dirty; Guest Starring Christina Aguilera
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May 22, 2005, 1:08 p.m. CST
Tremors 2: Aftershocks was actually pretty darn good.
by Osmosis Jones
If Kevin Bacon had been in it, it’d have been about on a par with the original. Oh, and not a single “Electric Boogaloo” joke yet? I’m shocked.
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May 22, 2005, 1:11 p.m. CST
BRING ME SOME MORE HEADS OF ALFREDO GARCIA
by godoffireinhell
Just saw the original for the first time. Totally badass.
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May 22, 2005, 1:15 p.m. CST
13 MONKEYS
by godoffireinhell
Gilliam’s on a roll so why the hell not? Also: BACK 2 BRAZIL, THE SISTERS GRIMM, FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS 2: THE NEXT TRIP, TIME BANDITS 2: AROUND THE CLOCK, THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHHAUSEN 2: STILL LYIN’
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May 22, 2005, 1:17 p.m. CST
STAR TREK MCLXMIIVII: THE LAST FACELIFT
by enemakid
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May 22, 2005, 1:20 p.m. CST
Lost in LaMancha 2: Financial Fiasco Boogaloo
by HypeEndsHere
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May 22, 2005, 1:23 p.m. CST
Lost Highway II: Hey, We TOLD You Robert Blake Was a Gun-Toting
by Johnny Smith
Unmasked & Synonymous. Mother Night II: Father Day. Dark City II: The Wrath of Riff Raff. Spider-Man of La Mancha. Arlington Road II: How I Spent My Summer Vacation. The Shawshank Redemption: Club Dread. It’s a Wonderful Life…In the Year 2060! Stargate: Generations. The Ring 3: Marriage Proposal. Terminator 4: A New Hope. The Matrix: Harsh Realm.
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May 22, 2005, 1:25 p.m. CST
Lest we forget…
by Johnny Smith
THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI IN THE RETIREMENT HOME!
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May 22, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST
Remo Williams: the Adventure Continues
by Jack Gladney
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May 22, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST
Titanic 2: The Lusitania
by ken185
The most ironic thing in hollywood is that “Titanic” is the highest grossing film of all time but also is the only film that there is no way to make into a sequel. Until now.
“Titanic 2: The Lusitania”
plot- Takes place a few years after the Titanic went down which brings us to the pre WW1 time, kate winslets charactor snags a ride on the lusitania hoping for a better sea cruise this time around. Once on board, she meets jacks long lost twin brother played by leo dicaprio. They have their love affair and the ship goes down. As you can see this will be a huge hit for these reasons.- Kate winslet + Leo dicaprio + doomed ship + hot n heavy romance + James cameron directing = 1 billion 8 hundred million dollars world wide.
the iceberg will probably also make a cameo to insure all the elements from the first are in place.
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May 22, 2005, 1:29 p.m. CST
Leonard Part I: A Hero is Born
by Jack Gladney
That one’s a prequel, obviously
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May 22, 2005, 1:30 p.m. CST
The Rules of Attraction II: Less Than Zero
by Jack Gladney
Wait…
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May 22, 2005, 1:32 p.m. CST
Wait a second…
by Johnny Smith
I had an idea…Don Quixote as a cyborg in the future…but didn’t that already happen once? I know they did that with Sherlock Holmes. Oh well.
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May 22, 2005, 1:35 p.m. CST
Fahrenheit 912
by HypeEndsHere
“The temperature at which freedom burns..a little hotter.”
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May 22, 2005, 1:39 p.m. CST
Breakin’ 3: Havana Nights
by Jack Gladney
Ozone is back! And he’s hungry…for soup at the homeless shelter!
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May 22, 2005, 1:40 p.m. CST
Poltergeist II: 2 Hours of JoBeth Williams Brushing Her Hair on
by HypeEndsHere
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May 22, 2005, 1:43 p.m. CST
Lynch already made LOST HIGHWAY 2 …
by godoffireinhell
… and called it MULHOLLAND DRIVE. But how about ERASERHEAD 2: STILL MAKIN’ NO SENSE, THE STRAIGHT STORY 2: GAYED, BLUER VELVET, VAN WILDER AT HEART, ELEPHANT MAN 2: JOHN HOLMES, FIRE WALK WITH ME 2: U GONNA GIT BURNED
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May 22, 2005, 1:44 p.m. CST
And so on…
by topdeckshandy
“The Other Hand That Rocks The Cradle”. Not to mention “The Hand 2: Lefty’s Revenge”. And for that matter “Returned To Their Rightful Owners in 60 Seconds”. “Analyse Robert DeNiro’s Career Choices”. Or “Running Scared 2: What the Fuck?”. “Mannequin 3D”. “Fast Times at Ridgmont Retirement Home”.
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May 22, 2005, 1:46 p.m. CST
The Godfather 2000
by Jack Gladney
Can the great grandson of the famous Don Corelone survive in the far-flung futuristic world of the year 2000? The saga continues as he tries to get to the bottom of a mystery that could destroy the world, and to learn the truth about a mysterious woman who will take her shirt off 2/3 of the way through!
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May 22, 2005, 1:51 p.m. CST
Manos 2: Feet of Destiny
by HypeEndsHere
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May 22, 2005, 2:09 p.m. CST
The Great Gatsby Returns
by JediStryker
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May 22, 2005, 2:10 p.m. CST
Godzilla vs The Green Giant
by JediStryker
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May 22, 2005, 2:10 p.m. CST
Should’ve been
by JediStryker
The JOLLY Green Giant. Oh well.
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May 22, 2005, 2:22 p.m. CST
Elektra Vs. Jar Jar
by MrMxyzptlk
Except Jennifer Garneris replaced by Tara Reid and Jar Jar is not CGI but played by Breckin Meyer.
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May 22, 2005, 2:39 p.m. CST
Gang Bangs of New York: Five Fingers
by MrMxyzptlk
New Yorker Abel Ferrara takes over from New Yorker Martin Scorsese in this tale of Hamsterdam, a young Irish bitch boy (Stephen Dorff), who gets pimped out by Bill The Butch Tranny (Boy George).
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May 22, 2005, 2:44 p.m. CST
Soul Man 2: Affirmative Action!
by Batutta
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May 22, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST
The Day After The Day After Tomorrow
by Batutta
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May 22, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST
As suggested by Mike Nelson…”The Jetsons 2: After the Armagedd
by Johnny Smith
Ali 2: Rocky 6. The Day After Tomorrow prequel: The Day Before Yesterday. Baron Munchausen and the World of Tomorrow.
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May 22, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST
Clockwork Orange 2: Back to the milk bar
by cherrycola
The Shining II: Return to the Overlook hotel.
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May 22, 2005, 2:59 p.m. CST
Canadian Beauty
by hulkhogan
I can’t wait for this one
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May 22, 2005, 3:04 p.m. CST
The Passion Of The Christ II: Jesus vs. Godzilla
by Hamtaro_Hentai
And hilarity ensues!
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May 22, 2005, 3:04 p.m. CST
Soul Plane 2: Fly the Crunktified Skies
by BigDogg
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May 22, 2005, 3:15 p.m. CST
thank you everybody
by Vern
for playing along, and I would like to apologize to God for sparking the biggest chunk of bad comedy this side of Jay Leno’s monologue. Good work everybody. So far I like THE ONE 2: THREE and THE OTHERS 2: THE OTHER OTHERS the best.
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May 22, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST
Agreed
by DocPazuzu
“THE ONE 2: THREE” is utter genius, as well as dumb enough that Hollywood might actually use it. As amusing as a lot of this stuff is, it’s still nowhere near as funny as the infamous Hot Wheels The Movie talkback.
-
May 22, 2005, 3:29 p.m. CST
Freddy vs. Jason vs. The Terminator
by Hamtaro_Hentai
Actually, that might be pretty cool…
-
May 22, 2005, 3:36 p.m. CST
Hamtaro_Hentai
by DocPazuzu
They actually did Alien vs Predator vs Terminator in a Dark Horse comic and it was pretty cool, believe it or not. I also seem to recall a Jason vs Leatherface comic at one point although I never read it.
-
May 22, 2005, 3:37 p.m. CST
The Passion 2: Jesus H. Christ!
by Jon L. Ander
I always had a soft spot for the Olsen Twins talkback where several users vowed to leave and never come back in disgust.
-
May 22, 2005, 3:43 p.m. CST
Hmmm…this is getting old
by Ribbons
“Fuck you Ribbons!” Bleh.
-
May 22, 2005, 3:48 p.m. CST
Terminator XXX – Rise of the Mechanic Penis
by Judge Doom
Since Skinet couldn
-
May 22, 2005, 4 p.m. CST
A prequel to “The Day After Tomorrow”……”The Day After Yester
by HypeEndsHere
-
May 22, 2005, 4:05 p.m. CST
Hype
by Johnny Smith
Gee, thanks for stealing my line from a few posts up.
-
May 22, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST
The Superman Who Fell to Earth
by Johnny Smith
Jor-El (David Bowie), in an attempt to save Krypton, goes to Earth shortly before the birth of his own son in order procure supplies which might save his homeworld. While there, he bangs a woman who pisses herself in fear when she sees him naked. Come to think of it, we should make this my life story.
-
May 22, 2005, 4:13 p.m. CST
sorry Johnny. didn’t read your post. actually, i stole mine fr
by HypeEndsHere
-
May 22, 2005, 4:39 p.m. CST
Glitter 2: Electric Boogaloo
by Harry Coin
MAriah Carrey returns to the role that made her a star. In this sequel to the greatest movie she has ever starred in, she plays a former star who suffers a nervous breakdown, flips out and winds up in a hospital run by an Evil Administrator who performs cruel psychological tests by putting her in a strait jacket, locking her in the morgue and piping in music from all her albums. Mariah then starts to hallucinate that she is able to travel back in time where she is able to change events in the past that affect the future. However, no matter how she changes the past her future is always the same: Sucking cock on the street corner for crack rocks and bottles of MD 20/20.
-
May 22, 2005, 4:59 p.m. CST
Donnie Darko 2: Giant Bunny Rabbit In The City
by Hamtaro_Hentai
-
May 22, 2005, 5:09 p.m. CST
“Taxi Driver II: Treasure of the Lost Lamp”
by user id indeed!
-
May 22, 2005, 5:10 p.m. CST
“The Kin After the Next of Kin.”
by user id indeed!
Followed by “Next of Kin III: The Kinnening.”
-
May 22, 2005, 5:16 p.m. CST
“American History: Y?”
by user id indeed!
-
May 22, 2005, 5:35 p.m. CST
An American Tail: Fievel’s Sucking Chest Wound OR An American
by Negative Man
-
May 22, 2005, 5:49 p.m. CST
Mansquito 2: Die Ferris…DIE!!!
by Purgatori
AKA Corin Nemec’s career goes down in flames.
-
May 22, 2005, 5:50 p.m. CST
Save the Last Dance Again
by WesReviews
…
-
May 22, 2005, 5:51 p.m. CST
The Next Heavenly Kid
by WesReviews
…
-
May 22, 2005, 5:52 p.m. CST
ALIEN VS PREDATOR VS KRAMER VS KRAMER
by moppetmind
Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep set aside their differences to save their son from a graduate school overrun with hostile Aliens. After an uneasy alliance with the Predators, Hoffman and Streep steal an armored military prototype vehicle and kick ass.
-
May 22, 2005, 5:52 p.m. CST
Still Missing In Action
by WesReviews
…
-
May 22, 2005, 5:53 p.m. CST
They Live Too
by WesReviews
…
-
May 22, 2005, 6:10 p.m. CST
Meet the Grandparents
by JediStryker
-
May 22, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST
American Funeral
by Hamtaro_Hentai
This talkback has stepped into the surreal.
-
May 22, 2005, 6:20 p.m. CST
Police Academy 8 – Die, Mahoney, Die
by loafroaster
I’d buy that for a dollar!
-
May 22, 2005, 6:21 p.m. CST
Sin City 2: The Adventures of Jackie Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D!
by loafroaster
why, Robert, why?
-
May 22, 2005, 6:23 p.m. CST
Bride of the Monster-in-Law
by Sro100
Kinging and Screaming Even Harder – Crash 2: Collision Course – Kingdom of Heaven 2: The Resurrection – House of Wax 2: Dripping Hot – The Interpreter 2: Tower of Babylon -Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: Manual II: Dent Strikes Back – Mindhunters 2: Search for a Brain
-
May 22, 2005, 6:29 p.m. CST
The B Team
by Shan
On the subject of quality, that’s what we are based on our suggestions …
-
May 22, 2005, 6:32 p.m. CST
Not that it hasn’t been fun though …
by Shan
… hasn’t it?
-
May 22, 2005, 7:10 p.m. CST
Fire Walk with me 2 – revenge of the backword talking dancing dw
by Judge Doom
Makes sense
-
May 22, 2005, 8:10 p.m. CST
No worries, Hype. I was just busting your balls. (N/M)
by Johnny Smith
-
May 22, 2005, 8:11 p.m. CST
Cujo Vs Beethoven
by Edward_nygma
… Fuck Freddy, Jason and Ash. You know you want too see this more.
-
May 22, 2005, 8:18 p.m. CST
Kevin McCallister vs. Predator.
by Johnny Smith
-
May 22, 2005, 8:28 p.m. CST
What we need is some Hitchcock sequels
by Judge Doom
Rear Window XP, Strangers on a train, plane and automobile, Dial R for Redrum, The Birds vs. Anaconda, The Trouble with Harry Knowles____________________________ Damn it Vern, look what you
-
May 22, 2005, 8:33 p.m. CST
Shaun of the Dead
by Shan
I think the people behind this movie themselves suggested quite a few titles for prequels and sequels (which they may well not make) like: Dave of the Dead, Night of the Living Fred and so on … Anyone remember any of the others? …
-
May 22, 2005, 8:35 p.m. CST
Oh by the way …
by Shan
The Right Stuff 2: More Right Stuff
-
May 22, 2005, 8:55 p.m. CST
They sugested “From Dusk till Shaun”
by Judge Doom
I even think they will make a comic book with this one
-
May 22, 2005, 9:17 p.m. CST
The Monster Squad 2 : The Search for Wolf Mans Nards!
by Donnie_Drunko
Or how about…Like Father Like Son Vs. Vice Versa Vs. 18 Again. Little Monsters 2: Even Littler Monsters
-
May 22, 2005, 9:39 p.m. CST
NotFunny: great minds think alike
by Billy Goat
I posted the Riddick/Wardrobe joke 2 weeks ago. That means I win! :) http://www.aint-it-cool.com/tb_display.cgi?id=20172#887575
-
May 22, 2005, 9:41 p.m. CST
Versus 2
by Shan
Versus Versus, or would it be Versus vs Versus?
-
May 22, 2005, 9:48 p.m. CST
An American Tail 3 – Fievel Sells Crack
by Zombieflicker
Not just for kids.
-
May 22, 2005, 9:49 p.m. CST
Darkness 2: Lights on Bitches
by Zombieflicker
Sorry
-
May 22, 2005, 9:56 p.m. CST
John Carpenter’s Deliverance 2: Escape from West Virginia
by Zombieflicker
-
May 22, 2005, 10:10 p.m. CST
Air Force 2
by Shan
Does anyone usually care what happens to the Vice President? Generally speaking? …
-
May 22, 2005, 10:48 p.m. CST
Deep Star 3
by Donnie_Drunko
Its the prequal to Deep Star 6.
-
May 22, 2005, 10:50 p.m. CST
Raw Deal 2 : This time its Salmonella
by Donnie_Drunko
Raw Deal 3 :Welcome to Dipthera
-
May 22, 2005, 10:55 p.m. CST
THEY’RE
by Donnie_Drunko
the sequal to THEY…..They were scary but THEY”RE Scarier….THEY’RE BACK will be out three months later…I can not wait!
-
May 22, 2005, 11 p.m. CST
The Indian in the Toliet
by Donnie_Drunko
There’s A Indian In My Soup
-
May 22, 2005, 11:05 p.m. CST
Rob Schneider is The Fat Bitch
by Hoke Mosley
-
May 22, 2005, 11:09 p.m. CST
License To Fly
by Donnie_Drunko
We pick up with the Coreys 15 years later. They are getting a pilot License but fail the test. Haim trying to impress a girl who only screws guys who fly planes pretends to have a license. They all board a plane and hilarity insues…..
-
May 22, 2005, 11:13 p.m. CST
CLUE VS. CLUELESS
by Donnie_Drunko
Mr. Plum in the hall with a dildo in Cher while Mr. Green Video Tapes it.
-
May 22, 2005, 11:36 p.m. CST
My Own Private Michigan
by benito
-
May 23, 2005, 12:04 a.m. CST
Judge Doom
by lutz
It sounds more poetic as…. “Twin Peaks. Fire Dance with Backward talking Dwarf.”
(and wasn’t he one of the people they where fire-walking with anyway?).
“Twin Peaks. Snort Cocaine with me.” is too easy.
-
May 23, 2005, 12:07 a.m. CST
Quick Change 2: The Quickening.
by Osmosis Jones
Phantom 2: Phantom Of The Paradise — Thelma & Louise & Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice — Big 2: The Biggening — Body Heat 2: The Heatening — Day Of The Dead 2: Bub Roberts — Reservoir Snow Dogs — I Angel Heart Huckabees — What, Dead *Again*? — The Rocketeer 2: Rocketeerier — Die Hard & Robin — Strangers On A Trainspotting — Erin Brockovich 2: Brock Harder — Ocean’s Th13rteen — Goonies 2: Goon Harder — Die Hard 4: Rise Of The McClanes — 24 Hours Later (starring Kiefer Sutherland in real time) — Pee Wee 3: Pee Harder — Babe 3: Pig In The Dark City — Saving Ryan Stiles — Plan Se7en From Outer Space — Barton Fink 2: The Finkening — Jaws 5: Big Fish — Fight Club Paradise — Fargo 2: The Woodchipper Strikes Back — The Woodsman 2: Woody’s Revenge
-
May 23, 2005, 12:09 a.m. CST
That’s some funny shit
by I Dunno
Unfortunately any film executives that may be reading this thread will enthusiastically use those titles for new ideas instead of realizing what worthless loads they are and killing themselves, as they should.
-
May 23, 2005, 12:20 a.m. CST
Majority Report
by Shan
It’s bigger, better and the majority are in favour of it.
-
May 23, 2005, 12:38 a.m. CST
Bugs could absolutely make that noise in real life if they were
by Regis Travolta
Vern when you see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory you’ll see actual squirrels sitting at an assembly line taking acorns out of their shells, these squirrels were trained by an expert for two months before filming began. So I’m sure bugs could be trained to make any bug type noise you want.
-
May 23, 2005, 12:48 a.m. CST
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF ASS
by zillabeast
Oh how heavenly it would be.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:02 a.m. CST
Annie Hall 3: Annie Potts & Pans for Sale Today?
by Regis Travolta
Annie Potts stars as Annie Hall’s wacky sister. Andy Dick co-stars as Woody Allen’s goofy younger brother. Hilarity ensues of course. Diane Keaton and Woody make cameos at the Russian Tea Room and good fun is had by all.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:18 a.m. CST
Amazon Women On The Sun
by Hamtaro_Hentai
Meh, I think that was funnier in my head…
-
May 23, 2005, 1:33 a.m. CST
THE AFTERLIFE OF BRIAN
by TheKichigaijin
The Revenge of Biggus Dickus
-
May 23, 2005, 1:34 a.m. CST
Ed Wood 2: Uwe Boll
by hulkhogan
or Billion Dollar Baby
-
May 23, 2005, 2:18 a.m. CST
I was gonna say…
by Ribbons
Isn’t “The Day After Yesterday” in ‘Sideways?’ Eh well.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:19 a.m. CST
And I have to give it up: ‘The One 2: Three’ is pretty damned hi
by Ribbons
Wish I’D thought of it…
-
May 23, 2005, 2:35 a.m. CST
The Postgraduate
by benito
-
May 23, 2005, 2:36 a.m. CST
The Punisher II: The Spanking
by FatherMcGruder
Tag line: “You’ve been a naughty, naughty boy!”
-
May 23, 2005, 2:38 a.m. CST
Serenity II
by benito
-
May 23, 2005, 2:55 a.m. CST
SERENITY II: SERENITY NOW!
by Flim_
What the hell does that *mean*?
-
May 23, 2005, 3:19 a.m. CST
Driving Ms. Daisy 2: Driving OVER Ms. Daisy…
by Weird-Coma
Morgan Freeman is back, and this time, he’s not taking any shit from the hag.
-
May 23, 2005, 3:22 a.m. CST
Sean Penn of the Dead 2: The Beatdown
by MyHerosDead
Sean penns recently drug overdosed corpse rises from the grave to destroy Trey Stone and Matt Parker for using his likeness in Team America 2 : The American.
-
May 23, 2005, 3:24 a.m. CST
Alien vs Predator vs Jason vs Freddy vs King Kong vsGary Coleman
by MyHerosDead
because i felt someone had to say it
-
May 23, 2005, 3:37 a.m. CST
Judge Dredd 2:this time rob schneiders dredd and stallone is the
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 3:39 a.m. CST
lost in translation2:translate this !
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 3:44 a.m. CST
Dirty Work 2: time to do Harrys laundry
by MyHerosDead
norm macdonald and artie lang return for the mother of all jobs but little do they know there in over there heads when Harry Knowles dirty clothes spawn fungus monsters…
-
May 23, 2005, 3:53 a.m. CST
Star Wars episode 7: Milking George lucas”s man Tittys
by MyHerosDead
Star Wars episode 8: George lucs has an idea on the toilet and turns it into a script
Star Wars episode 9: Return of Bush Administraion
G.W. froze corpse is re animated and put in some new fancy cgi body to hunt down all the new jedis luke created
-
May 23, 2005, 3:56 a.m. CST
Bad Boys 3: more watered down Chris Rock racial jokes
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 4:01 a.m. CST
The Rocky Road Horror Picture Showtime at The Apollo Creed Reuni
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 4:50 a.m. CST
Jurassic Park 4: return to isla sorna or isla nublar for some st
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 4:52 a.m. CST
Indiana Jones IV : the search for the quilted adult undergarment
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 4:59 a.m. CST
Charlie and the Neverland Ranch
by MyHerosDead
micheal jackson plays an ecentric child toucher who lets 5 children who win golden cds of his latest greatest hits album,into his mysterious theme park where tiny mexicans with orange skin are being held captive for slave labor.the fun and hilarity ensues when mr jackson unleashs jesus juice and furry 70s porn unto his underage guests/
-
May 23, 2005, 5:43 a.m. CST
Dirty Dancing 2:havanna nights
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 5:49 a.m. CST
Harry and the Andersons: Neo Returns
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 5:52 a.m. CST
Species 4: More Titties Less Geiger
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 6:53 a.m. CST
HULK 2 – Enter the Puss in Boots
by Judge Doom
Gama altered latino Cat versus Hulk Versus Juggernaut (this time he
-
May 23, 2005, 7:24 a.m. CST
se8en
by ElPaw
-
May 23, 2005, 7:31 a.m. CST
Paul Thomas Anderson Vs Uwe Boll :The Shitfest
by MyHerosDead
The 2 worst directors that take the best properties and ruin them and our souls too for that matter fight to the death for the tittle of ultimate douche bag…they fight underground in ancient antartic temples,they fight the pussy versions of monsters they ruin ,they fight on the island of dead,and finally they fight on the surface of the sun where they belong
-
May 23, 2005, 7:32 a.m. CST
AIR FORCE TWO, also, TOTAL RELAPSE
by The Dude Abides
-
May 23, 2005, 7:33 a.m. CST
Diabolique 2: Diaboliquer
by MyHerosDead
sharon stones titties sag further
-
May 23, 2005, 7:36 a.m. CST
Pauly Shore is….ACE VENTURA 3: The weasels lost career
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 7:40 a.m. CST
The Son Of The Mask vs The Bride of Frankenstein
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 7:42 a.m. CST
The Week The Earth Stood Still
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 7:45 a.m. CST
BACK TO THE PRESENT
by MyHerosDead
direct to video mean no budget no budget means not time travel,so marty just chills and plays guitar for 2 hours
-
May 23, 2005, 7:45 a.m. CST
Silence of the lambchops
by ElPaw
-
May 23, 2005, 7:46 a.m. CST
Forest Gump 2: Gump Harder
by MyHerosDead
i think i might have subconciously stole that from mad tv
-
May 23, 2005, 7:49 a.m. CST
Battle Royale 3 : Battle Quaterpounder
by Papa Lazaru
metric system, see.
-
May 23, 2005, 7:51 a.m. CST
Fight Club : Round 2
by Papa Lazaru
Now thats one they would actually love to use. I should copyright it.
-
May 23, 2005, 7:53 a.m. CST
The Firm 2 : Firmer /// The Pelican Thesis /// A Time To Kill
by MyHerosDead
some john grisham classics
-
May 23, 2005, 7:55 a.m. CST
Being Cyrus The Virus: Con Air 2
by MyHerosDead
Napolean Nitro
-
May 23, 2005, 7:57 a.m. CST
Fight Club Med
by MyHerosDead
check this one out papa lazaru
-
May 23, 2005, 8 a.m. CST
Stand By Me,Myself and Irene
by MyHerosDead
Stephen king takes a shot at a comming of age comedy with the uncontrollable jim carrey ..
-
May 23, 2005, 8:01 a.m. CST
Straw Dogs 2: Spring Break!
by HypeEndsHere
-
May 23, 2005, 8:01 a.m. CST
Swimfan 2 Swim Faster
by MyHerosDead
ok now im fizzling out im gonna sleep
-
May 23, 2005, 8:58 a.m. CST
The Longest Day 2:
by Papa Lazaru
The Longest Day 2 : even a longer day then the day that was the longest before this particularly long day, with vampire nazis
-
May 23, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST
Roadhouse 2 Tinkers revenge
by liljuniorbrown
Sorry, Roadhouse was on TBS last night.
-
May 23, 2005, 9:20 a.m. CST
Okay, these are getting a bit lame
by Ribbons
-
May 23, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST
Highlander 2: There Can be Only One More
by Childe Roland
Ha! They’d never make a sequel to a movie where the premise was to have just one of these special immortal dudes left. That would completely ass rape the original. Thank god Hollywood isn’t that stupid. What? They were? Like three times? Oh. Never mind.
-
May 23, 2005, 10:05 a.m. CST
I hope they make “Hot Shots! Part Deux: 2”
by HypeEndsHere
or “The Return of The Making of Gladiator”.
-
May 23, 2005, 10:54 a.m. CST
Who Framed Roger Rabbits Second Cousin Telly Rabbit
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 11:13 a.m. CST
crouching tiger hidden dragon: curse of the flying nun
by testicleez
starring chow yun fat and sally field. but in order to explain the reason that a catholic nun who flies and a strangely empowered chinese man got together this movie will have to make even less sense than the first one. which sucked by the way to all of you crouching anus faggoty dragon fans out there. lets get ang lee to make the hulk 2: state of the union starring ice cube as dr david banner and forgoing cgi and having michael clark duncan play the brown hulk with ice cubes incredible wit and magnetic personality that he shows off in the exact same manner in each and every movie he plays in. whats that you say? ice cube is an untalented hack? i disagree sir or maddam…he may be untalented and he may be a hack but he is each of those seperately and equally. it is absolutely riduculous to say that he is JUST and untalented hack all at the same time! RIDICULOUS! testicleez out
-
May 23, 2005, 11:19 a.m. CST
The Shining 2: Shine Harder (with Hulk Hogan)
by ScreamingPenis
Heeeeere’s Johnny, brother!
-
May 23, 2005, 11:49 a.m. CST
FIVE BRIDGES TOO FAR
by Flim_
-
May 23, 2005, 11:50 a.m. CST
A KNIGHT IN PARIS starring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Paris Hilton
by Flim_
-
May 23, 2005, 11:54 a.m. CST
LAST TANGO IN PARIS HILTON
by Flim_
They lay down some hardwood on Paris Hilton’s pelvic floor, and everyone for miles gets their tango on. Fire code regulations state only 500 people can occupy her cavernous love tunnel at one time. It’s a potluck dinner, so bring whatever you feel like!
-
May 23, 2005, 12:54 p.m. CST
I saw XXX
by apocalypsecow
I must’ve missed XX cuz I can’t figure out how XXX had anything to do with that Spike Lee movie.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:06 p.m. CST
My Dinner with Andre the Giant
by so sorry
this is the funniest fucking talkback ever…
-
May 23, 2005, 1:12 p.m. CST
The Wall 2: the Hedge
by so sorry
Pink returns, but he’s only slightly self-conscious this time…
-
May 23, 2005, 1:16 p.m. CST
My Left Foot 2: My Right Foot
by so sorry
the overlooked Right Foot can paint too, you know.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:17 p.m. CST
Gulp Fiction
by so sorry
the DTV porn bukkake version they didn’t want you to see…
-
May 23, 2005, 1:18 p.m. CST
Look Who’s Talkin’ 4: Shut Up Already!
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 1:20 p.m. CST
North by Northwest 2: South by Southeast
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 1:37 p.m. CST
Willow 2 : The PUSSY WILLOW
by Donnie_Drunko
make up your own plot.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:49 p.m. CST
Meet The Koksokkers!
by MrMxyzptlk
Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara join the great grandparents.
-
May 23, 2005, 1:52 p.m. CST
Gulf War 2! … oh wait thats already opened and its the Ishtar
by MrMxyzptlk
Dubya is the Uwe Boll of politics!
-
May 23, 2005, 2:03 p.m. CST
Garbage Pail Kids 2
by Donnie_Drunko
The twist is this time they come out of a Rubber Made can!
-
May 23, 2005, 2:10 p.m. CST
Sleepers 2 : WAKE UP!
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 2:12 p.m. CST
Plains, trains and automobiles: the uncut Al Quida Edition
by so sorry
that may have gone too far… sorry.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:17 p.m. CST
remake of “He Said, She Said” starring Snoop Dogg and Lil’Kim, “
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 2:21 p.m. CST
More American Gigolo
by WesReviews
…
-
May 23, 2005, 2:22 p.m. CST
The Bigger Chill
by WesReviews
…
-
May 23, 2005, 2:27 p.m. CST
* * * NEW ASSIGNMENT * * *
by Vern
The new assignment for this creative writing assignment is to go back to the original assignment. For now on I want semi-believable. ABSOLUTELY NO RIMSHOTS. This means no puns (unless they are believable titles), no combined titles, no sequels to recent blockbusters that obviously would not get a DTV sequel, no “die harder” riffs. Easy jokes will be given an F. Think of actual movies that have DTV sequels (Cruel Intentions, The Skulls, Species, Urban Legends, Sniper, The Substitute, Vampires, etc.) and extrapolate from there. Good luck everybody.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:34 p.m. CST
The Postman Always Rings Twice 2: Third Time’s The Charm
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 2:41 p.m. CST
Dammit Vern, my feeble brain is only capable of coming up with l
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 2:42 p.m. CST
Shaun of the dead sequel…..
by HermanatorX
Has been mentioned previously in print as possibly “from dusk till Shaun.” Love to see that happen.
apart from that the matrix 4 : apologies.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:47 p.m. CST
Three Colors 4: Fuschia, Baby!!
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 2:47 p.m. CST
Underworld : Overworld Werewolfing free…
by HermanatorX
the werewolves of wimbledon common are we….
-
May 23, 2005, 2:47 p.m. CST
Soul Plane 2 The Moon
by so sorry
Snoop Dogg and Method Man return as Captain Mack and Buggsy on their maiden voyage to outer space! “We goin’ where?” To the moon? You mus’ be trippin’!”
-
May 23, 2005, 2:49 p.m. CST
Chinatown 3: Murder in Monterey Park
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST
The Pacifier Vs Mr Nanny Vs Kindergarten Cop
by HermanatorX
-
May 23, 2005, 2:52 p.m. CST
Running Man, the Prequel: the 100 yard dash
by so sorry
Go back in time to the Butcher of Bakersfield’s ackward high school days as a skinny geek trying to make the track team. He’ll be back:for summer school!
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May 23, 2005, 2:52 p.m. CST
Same joke, repeatedly…
by topdeckshandy
Masters of Universal Studios. True Lies 2: Fake Reality. Total Recall 2: Half-assed Reminiscences. On Mercury Pond. The League of Extraordinary Gentiles. Love Already, Already. Sharky’s Washing Machine. Phone Booth 2: Wrong Number. Buffy the Car Hire Slayer. Bend It Like Nixon.
Porn remakes – Erin Strokovich. Or Erin Pokeabitch.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:53 p.m. CST
The Natural 2: Augmented!
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 2:54 p.m. CST
When Harry met Salad…
by so sorry
the story of Harry Knowles’ weight loss. (fiction)
-
May 23, 2005, 2:55 p.m. CST
Dolph vs Pierce
by topdeckshandy
Masters of Universal Exports. Pay attention, Mumm-Ra…
-
May 23, 2005, 2:55 p.m. CST
Yojimbo 2: Yo Mamma
by eraser_x
Starring Ice Cube!
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May 23, 2005, 2:55 p.m. CST
Fallen 2 : Touched By a Demon
by Donnie_Drunko
tagline: Touchie Touchie
Special Appearance by Della Reese as a Tarot Card Mind Reader
-
May 23, 2005, 2:57 p.m. CST
Jason XI: Jason goes to anger management
by HermanatorX
Mr voorhees sticks an electrode scalp massager up jack nicholsons ass.
-
May 23, 2005, 2:57 p.m. CST
She’s All That TOO and a Bag of Chips
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 2:58 p.m. CST
The Untouchables: Retouched
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 3 p.m. CST
More About Eve; The Sequel
by eraser_x
-
May 23, 2005, 3 p.m. CST
The Lee’s Famous Recipe Fried Movie
by Hamtaro_Hentai
Am I just trying too hard now?
-
May 23, 2005, 3:02 p.m. CST
Return of the Last Starfighter
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 3:08 p.m. CST
XXX 3: XX Chromosome…
by so sorry
Demi Moore reprises her role from GI Jane as the next super spy working for Samuel L Jackson.
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May 23, 2005, 3:08 p.m. CST
Star Trek XI: The Search for Fans
by HermanatorX
-
May 23, 2005, 3:10 p.m. CST
D.A.R.Y.L 2 : D.A.R.Y.L. ‘s Other Brother D.A.R.Y.L
by Donnie_Drunko
DATA ANALYZING ROBOT YOUTH LIFEFORM has returned but this time he must stop his Evil Twin brother!
-
May 23, 2005, 3:13 p.m. CST
The Trigger Effect 2 : Lights Out!
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 3:21 p.m. CST
Charlies Angels : Who let the Dogs out?
by HermanatorX
-
May 23, 2005, 3:22 p.m. CST
Honey I Chopped Up, Roasted and Cannibalized the Kids
by DarthKur
Rick Moranis finally gets fed up with all of his kids bullshit and tomfoolery so he decides to eat them.
-
May 23, 2005, 3:22 p.m. CST
ORCA 2 : A Whale of a Tale
by Donnie_Drunko
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May 23, 2005, 3:24 p.m. CST
It’s actually my dream to direct Howard the Duck 2: Duck the Wor
by FatPaul
It would be a bitter violent reimagining of the Howard the Duck world. Twenty years after the events of the first movie, Howard and Leah Thompson are married, but they live in a ratbag apartment, and Howard can’t get a job to put food on the table for their eight hideous mutant kids. To make things worse, another inter-dimensional device is being built, and Howard has to overcome his self-hatred to once again save the world from the Dark Overlords of the Universe. The kicker is that he fails this time, and the earth is taken over by the demonic villains.
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May 23, 2005, 3:24 p.m. CST
The Blob 3: starring Tara Ried
by so sorry
Tara Ried plays a washed up skank-whore actress who comes in contact with a radioactive asteroid that turns all her plastic surgeries into a living blob bent on destroying the world. Ok that one sucked…
-
May 23, 2005, 3:27 p.m. CST
Star Trek XI – Who the Fuck Farted?
by DarthKur
Our crew of fearless intergalactic adventurers search for the source of this mysterious and foul multidimensional flatulence.
-
May 23, 2005, 3:35 p.m. CST
My New Science Project
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 3:39 p.m. CST
Project X-2
by Donnie_Drunko
Monkeys Unleashed!
-
May 23, 2005, 3:44 p.m. CST
More sequels coming up!!!
by CyberBeavis1326
The Sisterhood of the Wolf
Another 28 Days Later
Bowling for Palestine
14 Going on 40
Bad Leprechaun
Lost in Transportation
Cabin Fever 2: Attack of the Lincoln Logs
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May 23, 2005, 3:49 p.m. CST
Under Seige 3: Underwear
by so sorry
Segal reprises his role as Casey Rybeck, who can’t come to terms with the fact that he can’t fit into the same tighty-whities from two years ago.
-
May 23, 2005, 3:54 p.m. CST
Lord of the Rings 4: Back in the Hobbit
by ScreamingPenis
…
-
May 23, 2005, 4 p.m. CST
The Explorers 2 : The Galaxy Next Door
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 4:04 p.m. CST
Puppetmaster 7: bobbleheads
by so sorry
a former baseball star has been banned from the game becuase of his steroid use. He plots his revenge using ancient voodoo spells and his legion of bobblehead dolls…
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May 23, 2005, 4:06 p.m. CST
Bigger Trouble in Littler China
by TV CASUALTY
Weird Science 2 – Fuck Showering, Let’s Go For the BrownEye. The Banger Sisters 2: Finger Bang. I Come in Peace 2: Still Coming.
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May 23, 2005, 4:08 p.m. CST
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 5 – The Weed Whacker Atrocities
by DarthKur
Leatherface becomes disenfranchised with his chainsaw and decides to invest in a weed whacker. He discovers that it’s a lot less effective tool for murdering people but it’s much more amusing
.
-
May 23, 2005, 4:10 p.m. CST
Return of the Navigator
by Donnie_Drunko
20 years later David Freeman takes Flight once again.
-
May 23, 2005, 4:11 p.m. CST
The Hills Have Eyes 2: The Mutants Take Manhattan
by Hamtaro_Hentai
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May 23, 2005, 4:14 p.m. CST
Still Something About Mary
by DarthKur
After six months go by with Mary still refusing to wash out the jizz in her hair her friends take her to an unlicensed Peruvian doctor and have her lobotomized. After the procedure is completed they notice very little change in Mary’s actions and intelligence.
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May 23, 2005, 4:17 p.m. CST
Terminator 4 – Revenge of the Toaster.
by DarthKur
‘Nuff said.
-
May 23, 2005, 4:21 p.m. CST
Cloak and Dagger 2 : Jack Flack LIVES
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 4:24 p.m. CST
Bats 2 : The Meglovampire
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 4:28 p.m. CST
Kingdom of Heaven 2: Ooops, I’m in Hell
by so sorry
-
May 23, 2005, 4:29 p.m. CST
Enemy Mine: Mine!! Mine!!! Mine!!!!! All Mine!
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 4:32 p.m. CST
Beverly Hills Cop 4: Dude Looks Like a Ladyu
by Drewchem08
Axel Foley picks up what he thinks is a young lady. Hiliarity ensues when he discovers it’s a man baby.
-
May 23, 2005, 4:34 p.m. CST
The Art of War 2 : Kill By Numbers
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 4:51 p.m. CST
Ginger Snaps 5: Cocoa Puffs
by so sorry
Our favorite teen vamps square off against black lesbians..
-
May 23, 2005, 5 p.m. CST
Look Who’s Talking As Well
by sprinklemoose
Travolta’s comeback film.
-
May 23, 2005, 5:05 p.m. CST
You Got Served: A Sequel
by blackstormy
-
May 23, 2005, 5:08 p.m. CST
Shawshank Redemption : Back 2 Jail
by sprinklemoose
-
May 23, 2005, 5:21 p.m. CST
The Greater Outdoors: Big Bear Hump Me
by Donnie_Drunko
Starring a CGI John Candy
-
May 23, 2005, 5:27 p.m. CST
A Star Wars Holiday Special 2 : Revenge of Lumpy
by Donnie_Drunko
Special guess star Art Carney’s Blue Glowy Spirit. Beyonc
-
May 23, 2005, 5:29 p.m. CST
Breakin 3 : Back 2 the Boogaloo
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 5:29 p.m. CST
Uncle Buck 2: Bigger and Bucker
by Hamtaro_Hentai
Starring either Tom Arnold or John Goodman
-
May 23, 2005, 5:30 p.m. CST
Big Momma’s House 2
by Hamtaro_Hentai
It would be funny if it weren’t true… :-(
-
May 23, 2005, 5:36 p.m. CST
Outbreak 2: Monkeys Day Out
by Donnie_Drunko
The OutBreak Monkey LIVES!
-
May 23, 2005, 5:38 p.m. CST
Congo 2 : Amy Goes Bananas
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 23, 2005, 5:40 p.m. CST
Tango and Cash and Sons
by Donnie_Drunko
This time its a family Affair and Rambo is still a Pussy!
-
May 23, 2005, 5:56 p.m. CST
Over The Top 2 : Armed and Dangerous
by Donnie_Drunko
Last time it was for honor and money. Lincoln Hawk a retired Arm Wrestler is forced back into the game when his son owes money to some gangsters. The gangsters just happen to run underground Arm Wrestling Death Matches. In order to pay off his sons debt Hawk has to fight his way back to and Over the Top! This time there is know Meet Me
Halfway…its all the way or nothing!
-
May 23, 2005, 6:17 p.m. CST
The Godfather 2, part 2: Let’s skip 3
by GenericGeek
If only…
-
May 23, 2005, 7:33 p.m. CST
The People Under The People Under The Stairs’ Stairs
by Hamtaro_Hentai
-
May 23, 2005, 7:43 p.m. CST
Children of the Corn 7: Cornholed!
by MrMxyzptlk
Michael Jackson takes his young visitors to a cornfield in the back of Neverland Ranch…
-
May 23, 2005, 7:49 p.m. CST
Prayer of the Rollerboys 2: Heaven Help Us
by MrMxyzptlk
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May 23, 2005, 7:51 p.m. CST
Solarbabies 2: The Revenge of Bodai
by Hamtaro_Hentai
The ball is back, and it’s PISSED!!!
-
May 23, 2005, 8:27 p.m. CST
report card
by Vern
Donnie Drunko’s got some good ones (Over the Top 2: Armed and Dangerous is an acceptable pun). The rest of you get detention for the rest of the week. AT LEAST.
-
May 23, 2005, 8:33 p.m. CST
Unleashed 2: Son of a Bitch!
by -guyinthebackrow
Jet Li’s character has a son who Bob Hoskin’s character (Jet stupidly didn’t kill him in the original) abducts and turns him into a dog/killer. The movie is actually quite long because Hoskin’s character never travels by car due to his bad luck with cars in the original.
-
May 23, 2005, 9:05 p.m. CST
Thanks for deleting the 20 plus titles i came up with last night
by MyHerosDead
what the fuck was that about guys?????
-
May 23, 2005, 9:10 p.m. CST
The Running Man Runs Again
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 9:14 p.m. CST
Starship Troopers 3:Van Dien Returns
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 9:19 p.m. CST
Detour 2: Go Around
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 9:56 p.m. CST
Detour 2: Go Around
by MyHerosDead
-
May 23, 2005, 11:02 p.m. CST
You created a monster Vern
by benito
Now not even you can control it. There’s like the same three people posting over and over again. “Um, um… The Mod Squad versus Vin Diesel versus Count Chockola! HA HA HA HA HA HA!” Listen to Vern people!
-
May 24, 2005, 12:14 a.m. CST
ELIMINATORS 2 : Mandriods Unite
by Donnie_Drunko
if you remember the original Eliminators kudos!
-
May 24, 2005, 12:32 a.m. CST
John Carpenter’s SURVIVE CLEVELAND
by George Newman
-
May 24, 2005, 12:36 a.m. CST
The Aviator 2: Feces and Toenails
by hulkhogan
Leonardo DiCrapio returns as Howard Hughes in his later years. Pauly Shore stars as Hughes’ urine.
-
May 24, 2005, 12:45 a.m. CST
The Pacifier 2: Suck Harder
by hulkhogan
-
May 24, 2005, 1:32 a.m. CST
GHOST DOG 2: black in the fat
by testicleez
you’ll believe a fat black man can be a modern day samurai. wait…no you wont. does anyone even know what the hell im talking about? does anyone remember this crap? am i all alone here? forrest whitaker? scientology? ok…what about black dog part 2: fed ex. patrick swayze plays the same trucker but has now been hired by fed ex to deliver parcel in a rather violent manner. and his truck is black. no? ok then…lets go with barb wire 2? pam anderson reprises her role as barb wire in order to take down a black market scam in order to appropriate a new liver for herself because shes dying of hepatitis c. good thing its just a movie huh? ok maybe i went a little overboard. i apologize ms anderson. youre still hot…you just need to be sure and always carry 30 condoms per sexual encounter. nobody really wants the gift that just keeps on givin! testicleez out
-
May 24, 2005, 1:47 a.m. CST
Next Of Kin’s Next Of Kin
by Hamtaro_Hentai
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May 24, 2005, 1:53 a.m. CST
Whoops on last post..
by Hamtaro_Hentai
It was taken already, and it wasn’t all that great to begin with. Never mix Nyquil with scotch, kids…
-
May 24, 2005, 1:57 a.m. CST
Godzilla TOO
by Hamtaro_Hentai
I’m going to bed….
-
May 24, 2005, 2:07 a.m. CST
This is what happens when …
by Shan
… you move one of Vern’s columns out of Co-axial to the main column and also not have any new items appear to push it down for a while. That plus a contest as well – total pandemonium. By the way, no-one’s really commented on the fact that The Urban Legend films are of a quality that should have been straight to video (and not good straight to video either) from the beginning, not two, count them two cinema releases …
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May 24, 2005, 2:09 a.m. CST
Final Destination 3: Are we there yet?
by Shan
I have to commute by aeroplane to a job I don’t like. You couldn’t punish me any more than I already am being …
-
May 24, 2005, 2:39 a.m. CST
The Ewok Adventure II – The Battle For Endor
by ao33
Sometime following the events of Episode VI, an amnesia stricken C-3PO awakes in the deserts of Tattoine. After wondering aimlessly through the blistering sun he stumbles across a cloaked dude with glowing red eyes who calls himself Darth Nikon. Darth Nikon tells C-3PO that he is the last remaining Sith Lord and the Rebels were unaware that he still existed even though ancient prophicies spoke of his return and how he would be aided in conquering the galaxy by the “one in gold”. Nikon takes 3PO as his apprentice and sends him to Endor because of the Ewoks belief that 3PO is their god. Somewhere on Endor lies the missing scrolls needed to fulfill the ancient prophicies and unless Wicket and the rest of the cute cuddly bastards can remind 3PO of the good inside him the galaxy will again be ruled by the Sith. Apparently the Lightsaber duel between 3PO and R2D2 will be talked about for millenia.
-
May 24, 2005, 2:39 a.m. CST
The other problem is …
by Shan
… Some of the studios themselves come up with some suspect ideas themselves. They actually were seriously considering Scooby Deux for Part 2, which is kind of funny, then there’s the frequently quoted Die Hard 4.0 (is that one for real?). The real things that are suggested can often be worse than at least most of us can think of …Also, there are times when a film can end up producing a straight to video sequel that you weren’t expecting (if anything you might have thought there would be another cinema sequel or nothing at all) – like Starship Troopers maybe. So, you can never say for absolutely sure what’s going from cinema to video.
-
May 24, 2005, 6:42 a.m. CST
damn it pazuzu
by ScaryJim
I was gonna say The One :Two
meh .
-
May 24, 2005, 6:45 a.m. CST
RE:The Ewok Adventure II – The Battle For Endor
by ScaryJim
dude- there’s already two Ewok spin off films , the battlel for endor\( i think ) and return to endor(i also think ) one’s pretty gruesome , the little girls mum , dad and bro all get killed nastily . It’s way more hardcore than starwars , they only reeeely feature wicket though as a starwars character .
-
May 24, 2005, 8:38 a.m. CST
Vern, trying to play by the rules …
by Shan
How about Speed 3: Escape Velocity? I heard there was serious talk about setting the next one in space.
-
May 24, 2005, 8:46 a.m. CST
Forgive me…
by Darkman
…for staying somewhat on topic, but, well, I saw Michael Dougherty on Bravo’s “100 Scariest Movie Moments”. I can’t help but wonder if John Cusack is lying comatose in a Los Angeles hospital WITHOUT A FACE! I’m just saying.
-
May 24, 2005, 10:27 a.m. CST
Eurotrip 2: Africa
by so sorry
last one, I promise…
-
May 24, 2005, 10:39 a.m. CST
ScaryJim, Good grief.
by George Newman
You are ridiculous
-
May 24, 2005, 12:51 p.m. CST
Starship Timecop Warriors: Van Dien, Van Damme & Van Valkenburgh
by MrMxyzptlk
A cop from the future must travel back in time to get a baseball bat from a gang member to bash the heads in of some alien bugs.
-
May 24, 2005, 1:39 p.m. CST
More Duck for Your Buck
by JeeBus
Funny as hell, dancemonster. And also a realistic title for the sequel.
-
May 24, 2005, 1:41 p.m. CST
yes, I created a monster
by Vern
That’s okay, I made a specific request and it was nice to see participation. Fun was had by, uh, some. Anyway I wanted to comment to the guy called Testicles about Ghost Dog 2. Of course we know what you’re talking about – Ghost Dog was one of the best movies of the last ten years, and also I already made that joke in the fuckin article. I guess my joke is different though because it’s based on the premise that it would be an insult to the original because somebody besides Jarmusch would direct it and treat it like it was an action movie. Black Dog is a good choice though, that’s one that would be surprising to suddenly have a DTV sequel. But believable.
-
May 24, 2005, 2:16 p.m. CST
SUPERMAN THE MAN OF STOOL !!!
by Man of Stool
HA HA HA HA HAAAH! I`M MUCH FUNNIER THAN ZE AMERIKAN FOOLZ!
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May 24, 2005, 2:18 p.m. CST
Vern, are you still reading these? ’cause I can keep going…
by so sorry
and I thought my “Soul Plane 2 The Moon” was a legitimate DTV movie. where’s the love, vern…
-
May 24, 2005, 3:12 p.m. CST
Mr and Mrs. Smith Go To Washington
by Funmazer
DTV sequel to the 2005 flop (just watch) Starring Shannon Elizabeth and Brekin Meyer.
-
May 24, 2005, 3:30 p.m. CST
From the makers of “Three Men and Baby” comes… “Seven and a H
by HypeEndsHere
“Watch the wackiness ensue as the Seven Samurai take care of an orphaned baby while prtecting a town from raiders!”
-
May 24, 2005, 6:29 p.m. CST
Cheaper By The Baker’s Dozen
by Hamtaro_Hentai
-
May 24, 2005, 6:32 p.m. CST
Oh Vern…
by comealive1288
How I love thy wonderful DTV reviews. You brighten up my already wonderful days.
-
May 24, 2005, 7:20 p.m. CST
Darkness 2: The Darkness That Follows
by Donnie_Drunko
-
May 24, 2005, 7:22 p.m. CST
Finding Mr. Limpet
by Donnie_Drunko
There is only one man/fish that can stop the Thermonucular Sub manned by a escaped Saddam. The only question where is The Incredilble Mr. Limpet?!?!
-
May 24, 2005, 7:24 p.m. CST
The Next One Crazy Summer
by Donnie_Drunko
The One Crazy Summer After Next will come out six months later.
-
May 24, 2005, 7:26 p.m. CST
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle 2
by Donnie_Drunko
Subtitle : When The Bow Breaks
-
May 24, 2005, 7:32 p.m. CST
Red Dawn 2: The College Years
by Donnie_Drunko
Only this time they drink blood from a lab rat from the science department.
-
May 24, 2005, 7:46 p.m. CST
Who Raped Jessica Rabbit ?
by Donnie_Drunko
Roger and Eddy reunite to find out who raped Jessica. Was it a Toon? Was it a
human? Was it a gungan?
-
May 24, 2005, 8:04 p.m. CST
so sorry
by Vern
Okay, I will accept Soul Plane 2. But with a cast you never heard of and the cover says “special appearances by Coolio and Master P.” Also I like that everybody is casting Breckin Meyer in everything.
-
May 24, 2005, 8:13 p.m. CST
HypeEndsHere, instead of your “Seven and a Half Samurai”, let’s
by eraser_x
I know this goes against Vern’s rules, but it’s relevant to your post. :-)
-
May 24, 2005, 10:13 p.m. CST
And the award for worst sequel title goes to…
by mr_macphisto
PLATWON (Or, if you would, Pla2n.)
…I’ll let myself out.
-
May 24, 2005, 10:16 p.m. CST
thank you, and I’d like to oficially beat this dead horse with:
by so sorry
Warlock 2: Locked Out ; Monsters, Inc. Files Chapter 11;
-
May 24, 2005, 10:25 p.m. CST
The Last Waltz 2 – We Lied About the First One
by mr_macphisto
Sorry, I got here late.
-
May 25, 2005, 4:36 a.m. CST
why george why ?
by ScaryJim
because I am enlightened about Ewoks? Shame on you man.
-
May 25, 2005, 1:08 p.m. CST
“Ghost Dad” Remake, with Eddie Murphy!
by blotter
Or if you want a sequel, How about, “The Last Boy Scout 2: The Jig is Up”!
-
May 25, 2005, 3:36 p.m. CST
Better yet Blotter…..
by Donnie_Drunko
How about The Last Girl Scout
This time around Willis teams up with the Lizze (Kirsten Dunst) from Wimbledon. Its been a few years since the events of Wimbledon and Lizze has been removed form the sport because of her drug and Alcohol abuse. One night she attends a Tennis Rave where a film crew is making a Tennis Chics Gone Wild video she wittness a murder and over hears a plot to Blow Wimbledon 2006 all to hell! Willis reluctantly gets assigned to pretend to be her new Tennis coach and the goverment gets Lizze back in the world of Tennis. As the game gets to match point only Willis and The Last Girl Scout can save the day……dummm dummm dummmm
-
May 26, 2005, 9:46 p.m. CST
THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS
by kiddae
Some Dude, yours was genius.
-
May 26, 2005, 9:48 p.m. CST
DAREDEVIL 2: ELEKTRA BOOGALOO
by kiddae
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May 27, 2005, 6:09 a.m. CST
And what the hell kind of headline is that!?!!?
by eraser_x
“From the Writers of SUPERMAN RETURNS, Vern reviews …” is iliturit. How the heck can Vern be from the writers? I thought he’s from Seattle.
-
May 27, 2005, 8:08 a.m. CST
UNDER SIEGE 3: STILL COOKING
by timmer33
-
May 27, 2005, 6:21 p.m. CST
You got served again.
by Shan
or You got served more. Yes, I’m not even really trying anymore.
-
May 27, 2005, 11:02 p.m. CST
Too Funny
by Donnie_Drunko
A few days ago I sugested the title License to Fly as a sequal to License to Drive. While searching through some forums I came across some news that that title was actually being considered for a sequal title at one point. The plot envovled planes like mine but for different reasons…..I fell out of my seat laughing cause when I wrote that I was thinking what a dumb movie that would be LOL!
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May 30, 2005, 3:41 p.m. CST
The Passion, Part Two: Return of the Jewdi
by Nine18Pictures
The Monster Hit Squad – a grown up, alcoholic Rudy is assigned by a shady government agency to fly all over the world and take out suspected vampires, werewolves, etc. Then, he gets his hardest assigmnet yet: take out his old friend Shawn, who is now supposedly a werewolf. Ooo, the drama!!
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June 3, 2005, 2:05 p.m. CST
DD2: Donnier & Darker
by MrMxyzptlk
Breckin Myers takes over for Jake G’hall.
-
June 3, 2005, 2:11 p.m. CST
Executive Decision 2: WMD
by MrMxyzptlk
The President concocts lies about non-existent WMDS, non-existent uranium, non-existent links between a sovereign country and terrorists and launches a war … wait a minute, it really happened. Damn… Anwyay, the POTUS is played by Breckin Meyer, Veep Cheney by John Saxon, Rumsfeld by the guy who played Niedermeyer and Janette “Good Times” Dubois as Condoleeza Rice.
-
June 8, 2005, 4:45 p.m. CST
Robocop 8: Will You Buy This For A Dollar?
by YO MOM’S GOAT
-
June 8, 2005, 4:47 p.m. CST
The 14th Warrior
by YO MOM’S GOAT
I know I know, another late joiner. Imagine I’m flipping you the bird because I am.
-
June 8, 2005, 4:50 p.m. CST
Starship Troopers 2: Coldwar
by YO MOM’S GOAT
This is about a bunch of fascist humans who screw Denise Richards’ brains out and the fragile peace they have with a race of washed up sitcom actors who only want the freedom to do fascist chicks whenever they want and whose leader recently impregnated Denise and gave her an alien baby. He keeps the peace only by giving her back to her nypho fascist people but how long will it hold?
Also starring Ronald Reagan and Stalin as zombies.
-
June 8, 2005, 4:52 p.m. CST
Daredevil 2: Bet You Wish You Were Blind
by YO MOM’S GOAT
this one’s pretty self explanatory.
-
June 8, 2005, 4:53 p.m. CST
Short Circuit 2: Lunch in the Cafeteria
by YO MOM’S GOAT
I’m crying.
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June 9, 2005, 8:33 a.m. CST
Deep Blue Sea 2: Landshark
by YO MOM’S GOAT
This time the scientests have gone too far. They made the sharks so smart they taught themselves how to use their fins as arms and legs.
This summer, fear walks the beach!
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June 9, 2005, 8:34 a.m. CST
someone told me they might have already made Robocop 8: Would Yo
by YO MOM’S GOAT
If that’s true then the answer is no, no I wouldn’t.
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June 15, 2005, 2:39 p.m. CST
Kid Colter 2: Still Coltin’
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:43 p.m. CST
Illegally Blonde: Red, White, & The Color Purple
by maniACK
Whoopi & Reese mourn for the Taco Bell dog.
Yeah, I know I’m late to the party. Hope someone is still reading.
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June 15, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST
The Equasion of All Fears: Jack Ryan vs. A Beautiful Mind
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:45 p.m. CST
Eraser 2: Still rubbin’
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:46 p.m. CST
Shocker 2: Electric Boogaloo
by maniACK
Was that obvious?
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June 15, 2005, 2:48 p.m. CST
The Mask 3: Do You Believe in Life After Love?
by maniACK
Starring a green faced Cher with the powers of a cartoon.
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June 15, 2005, 2:49 p.m. CST
The Harry Truman Show
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:50 p.m. CST
Breakin’ 3: Still Boogalooin’ and Lovin’ It
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:51 p.m. CST
Secretaries Day: Groundhog Day 2
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 2:52 p.m. CST
Bride of Frankenfish Vs Man-Thing from the Black Lagoon
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 3:13 p.m. CST
Another 72 Hours: The 72 Hours After the First 48 Hours
by maniACK
And the prequel, 24 Hours. Starring Keifer Sutherland & Eddie Murphy!
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June 15, 2005, 3:15 p.m. CST
Hannibal the Cannibal: The Musical
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 3:17 p.m. CST
Crocodile Dundee 4: Mic goes to Hell
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 3:18 p.m. CST
Jay & Silent Bob Strick Back Episode 2: Attack of the Cronic
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 3:20 p.m. CST
Emperor’s New Groove 2: All Krunked up
by maniACK
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June 15, 2005, 3:38 p.m. CST
Men of Honor 2: Gooding Vs Sinese
by maniACK
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June 20, 2005, 4:47 a.m. CST
The Last Talkack …
by Shan
… Part ?
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June 21, 2005, 12:08 p.m. CST
Things to Do in Denver When You’re Buried and Rotting in the
by cstoffel
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June 25, 2005, 10:48 p.m. CST
Indiana Jones and the Quest for Geritol
by Uncle Clay
co-starring Calista Flockhart as Indy’s cane!
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June 25, 2005, 10:49 p.m. CST
From Ten Till Three: Vampire Bankers
by Uncle Clay
…those Enron guys need SOMETHING to do…
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June 28, 2005, 3:25 p.m. CST
damn studio bastards…
by YO MOM’S GOAT
stole my idea for Deep Blue Sea 2: Land Shark… they’re filming it right now off the Florida Coast using real sharks and real innocent kids that get their legs bit off.
I want a piece of the action you bastards.
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July 3, 2005, 3:34 p.m. CST
Deodarant of the dead
by gerbalBOY
Ha ha ha, wen i read dis page i nearly pissed myself!!!
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July 3, 2005, 7:12 p.m. CST
yall crazy
by MsMami
here’s my two-cents….3rd installment of Meet the Parents….Meet the Parents 3:Meet the Grandmutha Focker….hahahah im soo corny
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July 3, 2005, 7:29 p.m. CST
damn after thought
by MsMami
meet the grandmutha focker…..Bernie Mac as a love interest for one othe grandmothers……hahahah
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July 5, 2005, 8:28 a.m. CST
This talkback will not die!
by Shan
Immortal … just like cancer.
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July 7, 2005, 11:21 a.m. CST
Never Ending Story IV: Because It Cannot End
by vitonet
:-)
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July 8, 2005, 10:30 a.m. CST
catwoman2: the skank strikes back
by silverdog
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July 8, 2005, 1:44 p.m. CST
BLUE CRUSH 2: Topless Brodeo
by LilOgre
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July 8, 2005, 1:47 p.m. CST
THE TERMINAL 2: Krakozia
by LilOgre
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July 8, 2005, 1:48 p.m. CST
Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants: Assignment Neverland
by LilOgre
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July 8, 2005, 1:52 p.m. CST
VAN WILDER 2: Adult Education
by LilOgre
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July 11, 2005, 1:57 a.m. CST
this thread redeems much of this world
by larman
seriously. more creativity here than the last 10 studio releases. remember when “miramax” films used to mean something good? spielberg movies were had scripts AND effects AND told stories? tom cruise was annoying, but a good actor who didn’t act like a moron during junkets? studios and financiers insisted major expensive productions had scripts AND casting. just look at mr. and mrs. smith. it is a casting movie…much like the irwin allen disaster films of the 70s…”towering inferno”, “airport” series, “meteor” the rest. cast some alleged stars and a certain revenue target will be met by fans. write script later, if at all. anybody else notice a lot of the funniest and most interesting images from the trailer for “mr. and mrs. smith” WEREN’T in the movie? sadly, the amusing (if recycled premise) of this most egregious of summer movies had much promise…just didn’t bother writing it. actually, the trailer was better thant the movie. better pacing. ouch.
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July 13, 2005, 4:07 p.m. CST
Operation: Dumbo Dump
by chickychow
I was late to this party…
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July 14, 2005, 3:47 p.m. CST
Pitch Black 2: Blackenstein vs. Blackula
by Seymour47
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July 20, 2005, 9:33 a.m. CST
Well, oh so slowly the sun is setting on this talkback …
by Shan
… and it will be missed.
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July 20, 2005, 11:11 p.m. CST
You have to be shiting me
by JvlivsCaesar
Hollywood not only have ran out of ideas
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Sept. 6, 2005, 10:29 p.m. CST
Am I The Only One…
by Donnie_Drunko
That reads back over this talkback with fond memories and laughs to be had? Side note I rented this dvd Bloody Mary just because of this talkback and well it really sucked ass. A movie of the posters reading thier ideas to a movie Exec would have been more entertaining.