You make this crap seem entertaining.

Oh and, I want to see “Ice Pirates 2”. I’m pretty sure they could get just about everyone who played in the original back.

More shower scene nudity, this time with co-eds… Anyone? Can’t be any worse than the original…

Hilarious DTV follow up with Ben Affleck as Woody Allen and Cameron Diaz as Diane Keaton. Pisses all over the original

Aubrey builds a wooden space rocket out of the remains of his destroyed ship and battles robotic spiders and nymphomanic antropomorphic cats on the moon. Gold.

The midgets discover a magical groth serum. Hilarity ensues.

This may actually be in the works somewhere at Dimension Films.

Porn sequel to Abel Ferrara’s cult hit. Directed by Jules Jordan. Starring Jessie J, Belladonna, Gauge, Taylor Rain and Abel Ferrara as the Anal Driller.

You are awesome. That is all.

And I know that the execs at Fox and still weeping about the fact there can’t be a sequel to that one. I, for one, mildly enjoyed Urban Legends 2, if only for the reference to the first one at the very end with the nurse. Nice touch. Best B-movie sequel still is Delta Force 2 — just because it’s Norris.

That’s “Reliquary”. And it’s infinitely better than its film version might be, considering how hideously bad the adaptation of the first “Relic” was.

U-TURN AGAIN: Sean Penn and J-LO return as zombies. Also: JFK 2: NEW EVIDENCE, ANY GIVEN MONDAY, PLATOON 2: BACK 2 ‘NAM, THE DOORS 2: THIS WAS NOT THE END MY SWEETEST FRIEND, ALEXANDER 2: COMING OUT STRAIGHT …

it was after it dropped off the main page. Anyway, you said I might find it hard to believe you’d seen almost all the straight to video sequels I named. As I wrote before, I had no trouble believing you’d seen those films because (back to what I wrote before) –

… as I have seen some of your past reviews on some of these movies for starters. Obviously if a straight to video 2 leads to a 3 and so on, part 2 at least must have made money. They’re excellent fodder for some very funny talkbacks and reviews. By the way Vern, the DTV market is huge in Japan and some films made for that market turn out to be good enough for/evolve into cinema films (best example Juon). Have you seen Takashi Miike’s “Dead or Alive”? It has this fantastic opening sequence and what must be the most amazing end of any action film ever, which I guess is the logically end to the ever more hyperbolic action setpieces in action films in general. Fudoh is also a credible entry of excessive action ultraviolence and is a good entry to Miike’s films as it at least has a plot you can follow easily enough (I mean, I wouldn’t recommend anyone starting with Gozu or Izo for starters …).

It was called “Inferno” and was also directed by Dario Argento. And the third one “La Terza Madre” he will be directing -supposedly- this year (he’s been continually putting it off so who knows).

Akasha is back from hell to prepare for the coming of her new master MEMNOCH THE DEVIL. “All she wants is hell on Earth.”

Yeah and they’d dig up Aaliyah to do the part too lol

Also Vern, lift up your skirt and grab your balls , just admit you liked the film!!!Plus anyone reading your reviews doesn’t need to be lectured about lowered expectations!!

Based on the premise that another Military crew also genetically engineered Ripley. Though this clone turned out to be evil and went off into the sunset with the Newborn and bred a whole new race of Hybrid Alien creatures. Now good Ripley from Alien Resurrection must stop her before it’s too late… With the marketing as follows “This Summer… The Bitch is Back”… Followed by a short shot of Ripley’s Clone being bitch slapped by Ripley’s other Clone

Even more Bill Murray in his ‘laconic middleaged man role’ – that never gets tired

STAR WARS 7: The acting strikes back.

Couldn’t resist.

Nah Akasha will be horribly burnt and disfugured after having passed throught the fires of hell. But for the finale where she attempts to bring Memnoch over to earth (set atop the Empire State Building, after a number of blood sacrifices to her evil lord) she will be returned -via CG with unused footage from the original movie- to her former glory…

Sorry, couldn’t help myself either.

…oh they already made that one.

Novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Glass (Morrissey) to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.

I’m sorry.

You know it makes sense.

But before they make that one they’ll remake the original in color and with state-of-the-art CGI.

Now I ought to be ashamed of myself.

That

THIRTEEN II: FOURTEEN.

or T5: Still on the booze, T5: Withdrawing from the booze or anything else related to alcohol and shaking …

9 X’s?: The Next Next Level ???

or Stuff Harder. Either one.

Sequel to Jet Li’s “The One” starts with the discovery that there are actually three multiverses, meaning there will be three good Lis squaring off against three bad Lis.

Batman Beginser? Batman Returns Again? Batman vs. Superman?

Actually a cool flick. Weirder then the other two, a lot of Terry Gilliam influence.

Steven Seagal and his daughter try and stop terrorists from taking over a specially engineered hot air balloon that is hundred times more deadly than a normal balloon because it’s really explosive. The movie ends with Seagal climbing onto the balloon (almost slipping off!) and fighting an Islamic terrorist on the balloon.

“Aw fuck it! Look, why waste time with the movie? We’ll just make the posters and you go buy the cereal and action figures. and read Ovid’s Metamorphasis if you want some mythology, ‘kay?”

Braddock: Missing in The Self-Help Section of Borders

Police Academy 8: Assignment Chechya

RFK

Last Action Hero 2: starring Wings Hauser and Michael Dudikoff

A Time to Kill the Firm’s Client: a young idealistic southern lawyer (Bo Hopkins) battles The Klan (Pruitt Taylor Vince), the Mafia (Frankie Muniz), Hooper (Burt Reynolds) and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (themselves) in court over the sequel rights to Erin Brockovich 2: Electric Boogaloo

Spam of Chucky

and so on

But we could go on and call the next film Cube 3. We don’t have to number the films in the order they are made. Star Wars anyone?

Like, just shoot me.

I think technically this would be considered a horror, since Bernie would be about 60% skeletal by now.

This writes itself.

Turns out John Doe was actually the dead dog lying in the road in the final scene of the original… Sweeeeet!

I’d watch this one for sure.

OK, tell me you wouldn’t dig this premise: Charles Foster Kane versus Jason Voorhees!

And then some “edgy” tattooed short guy gives us the gritty neo-realistic “Superman Begins”.

That’s all she wrote, folks.

Carrie 3: The New Class

Fast Times at Ridgemont High: The Next Generation

Baby Geniuses 3: Super Toddlers

Taxi Driver 2005: The Next Fare

Raging Bull 2: The Kumite

Passion of the Christ 2: The Resurrection

Videodrome 2: The Computer Virus

Tango and Cash 2: The Benjamins

King’s Ransom 2: Royal Flush

The Honeymooners 2: Back to the Sewer

Omen: Return of Damien

This is possibly the most irrelevent article I’ve even seen on here.

I loved the way Chuck Norris would lead a group to escape across the border from Vietnam to Thailand. I always wondered how they managed that since Vietnam and Thailand do not share a land border.

Does that mean Rosebud was his machete?

Kazam II: Genie in The Bottle Gets Dirty; Guest Starring Christina Aguilera

If Kevin Bacon had been in it, it’d have been about on a par with the original. Oh, and not a single “Electric Boogaloo” joke yet? I’m shocked.

Just saw the original for the first time. Totally badass.

Gilliam’s on a roll so why the hell not? Also: BACK 2 BRAZIL, THE SISTERS GRIMM, FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS 2: THE NEXT TRIP, TIME BANDITS 2: AROUND THE CLOCK, THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHHAUSEN 2: STILL LYIN’

Unmasked & Synonymous. Mother Night II: Father Day. Dark City II: The Wrath of Riff Raff. Spider-Man of La Mancha. Arlington Road II: How I Spent My Summer Vacation. The Shawshank Redemption: Club Dread. It’s a Wonderful Life…In the Year 2060! Stargate: Generations. The Ring 3: Marriage Proposal. Terminator 4: A New Hope. The Matrix: Harsh Realm.

THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI IN THE RETIREMENT HOME!

The most ironic thing in hollywood is that “Titanic” is the highest grossing film of all time but also is the only film that there is no way to make into a sequel. Until now.

“Titanic 2: The Lusitania”

plot- Takes place a few years after the Titanic went down which brings us to the pre WW1 time, kate winslets charactor snags a ride on the lusitania hoping for a better sea cruise this time around. Once on board, she meets jacks long lost twin brother played by leo dicaprio. They have their love affair and the ship goes down. As you can see this will be a huge hit for these reasons.- Kate winslet + Leo dicaprio + doomed ship + hot n heavy romance + James cameron directing = 1 billion 8 hundred million dollars world wide.

the iceberg will probably also make a cameo to insure all the elements from the first are in place.

That one’s a prequel, obviously

Wait…

I had an idea…Don Quixote as a cyborg in the future…but didn’t that already happen once? I know they did that with Sherlock Holmes. Oh well.

“The temperature at which freedom burns..a little hotter.”

Ozone is back! And he’s hungry…for soup at the homeless shelter!

… and called it MULHOLLAND DRIVE. But how about ERASERHEAD 2: STILL MAKIN’ NO SENSE, THE STRAIGHT STORY 2: GAYED, BLUER VELVET, VAN WILDER AT HEART, ELEPHANT MAN 2: JOHN HOLMES, FIRE WALK WITH ME 2: U GONNA GIT BURNED

“The Other Hand That Rocks The Cradle”. Not to mention “The Hand 2: Lefty’s Revenge”. And for that matter “Returned To Their Rightful Owners in 60 Seconds”. “Analyse Robert DeNiro’s Career Choices”. Or “Running Scared 2: What the Fuck?”. “Mannequin 3D”. “Fast Times at Ridgmont Retirement Home”.

Can the great grandson of the famous Don Corelone survive in the far-flung futuristic world of the year 2000? The saga continues as he tries to get to the bottom of a mystery that could destroy the world, and to learn the truth about a mysterious woman who will take her shirt off 2/3 of the way through!

The JOLLY Green Giant. Oh well.

Except Jennifer Garneris replaced by Tara Reid and Jar Jar is not CGI but played by Breckin Meyer.

New Yorker Abel Ferrara takes over from New Yorker Martin Scorsese in this tale of Hamsterdam, a young Irish bitch boy (Stephen Dorff), who gets pimped out by Bill The Butch Tranny (Boy George).

Ali 2: Rocky 6. The Day After Tomorrow prequel: The Day Before Yesterday. Baron Munchausen and the World of Tomorrow.

The Shining II: Return to the Overlook hotel.

I can’t wait for this one

And hilarity ensues!

for playing along, and I would like to apologize to God for sparking the biggest chunk of bad comedy this side of Jay Leno’s monologue. Good work everybody. So far I like THE ONE 2: THREE and THE OTHERS 2: THE OTHER OTHERS the best.

“THE ONE 2: THREE” is utter genius, as well as dumb enough that Hollywood might actually use it. As amusing as a lot of this stuff is, it’s still nowhere near as funny as the infamous Hot Wheels The Movie talkback.

Actually, that might be pretty cool…

They actually did Alien vs Predator vs Terminator in a Dark Horse comic and it was pretty cool, believe it or not. I also seem to recall a Jason vs Leatherface comic at one point although I never read it.

I always had a soft spot for the Olsen Twins talkback where several users vowed to leave and never come back in disgust.

“Fuck you Ribbons!” Bleh.

Since Skinet couldn

Gee, thanks for stealing my line from a few posts up.

Jor-El (David Bowie), in an attempt to save Krypton, goes to Earth shortly before the birth of his own son in order procure supplies which might save his homeworld. While there, he bangs a woman who pisses herself in fear when she sees him naked. Come to think of it, we should make this my life story.

MAriah Carrey returns to the role that made her a star. In this sequel to the greatest movie she has ever starred in, she plays a former star who suffers a nervous breakdown, flips out and winds up in a hospital run by an Evil Administrator who performs cruel psychological tests by putting her in a strait jacket, locking her in the morgue and piping in music from all her albums. Mariah then starts to hallucinate that she is able to travel back in time where she is able to change events in the past that affect the future. However, no matter how she changes the past her future is always the same: Sucking cock on the street corner for crack rocks and bottles of MD 20/20.

Followed by “Next of Kin III: The Kinnening.”

AKA Corin Nemec’s career goes down in flames.

…

…

Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep set aside their differences to save their son from a graduate school overrun with hostile Aliens. After an uneasy alliance with the Predators, Hoffman and Streep steal an armored military prototype vehicle and kick ass.

…

…

This talkback has stepped into the surreal.

I’d buy that for a dollar!

why, Robert, why?

Kinging and Screaming Even Harder – Crash 2: Collision Course – Kingdom of Heaven 2: The Resurrection – House of Wax 2: Dripping Hot – The Interpreter 2: Tower of Babylon -Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: Manual II: Dent Strikes Back – Mindhunters 2: Search for a Brain

On the subject of quality, that’s what we are based on our suggestions …

… hasn’t it?

Makes sense

… Fuck Freddy, Jason and Ash. You know you want too see this more.

Rear Window XP, Strangers on a train, plane and automobile, Dial R for Redrum, The Birds vs. Anaconda, The Trouble with Harry Knowles____________________________ Damn it Vern, look what you

I think the people behind this movie themselves suggested quite a few titles for prequels and sequels (which they may well not make) like: Dave of the Dead, Night of the Living Fred and so on … Anyone remember any of the others? …

The Right Stuff 2: More Right Stuff

I even think they will make a comic book with this one

Or how about…Like Father Like Son Vs. Vice Versa Vs. 18 Again. Little Monsters 2: Even Littler Monsters

I posted the Riddick/Wardrobe joke 2 weeks ago. That means I win! :) http://www.aint-it-cool.com/tb_display.cgi?id=20172#887575

Versus Versus, or would it be Versus vs Versus?

Not just for kids.

Sorry

Does anyone usually care what happens to the Vice President? Generally speaking? …

Its the prequal to Deep Star 6.

Raw Deal 3 :Welcome to Dipthera

the sequal to THEY…..They were scary but THEY”RE Scarier….THEY’RE BACK will be out three months later…I can not wait!

There’s A Indian In My Soup

We pick up with the Coreys 15 years later. They are getting a pilot License but fail the test. Haim trying to impress a girl who only screws guys who fly planes pretends to have a license. They all board a plane and hilarity insues…..

Mr. Plum in the hall with a dildo in Cher while Mr. Green Video Tapes it.

It sounds more poetic as…. “Twin Peaks. Fire Dance with Backward talking Dwarf.”

(and wasn’t he one of the people they where fire-walking with anyway?).

“Twin Peaks. Snort Cocaine with me.” is too easy.

Phantom 2: Phantom Of The Paradise — Thelma & Louise & Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice — Big 2: The Biggening — Body Heat 2: The Heatening — Day Of The Dead 2: Bub Roberts — Reservoir Snow Dogs — I Angel Heart Huckabees — What, Dead *Again*? — The Rocketeer 2: Rocketeerier — Die Hard & Robin — Strangers On A Trainspotting — Erin Brockovich 2: Brock Harder — Ocean’s Th13rteen — Goonies 2: Goon Harder — Die Hard 4: Rise Of The McClanes — 24 Hours Later (starring Kiefer Sutherland in real time) — Pee Wee 3: Pee Harder — Babe 3: Pig In The Dark City — Saving Ryan Stiles — Plan Se7en From Outer Space — Barton Fink 2: The Finkening — Jaws 5: Big Fish — Fight Club Paradise — Fargo 2: The Woodchipper Strikes Back — The Woodsman 2: Woody’s Revenge

Unfortunately any film executives that may be reading this thread will enthusiastically use those titles for new ideas instead of realizing what worthless loads they are and killing themselves, as they should.

It’s bigger, better and the majority are in favour of it.

Vern when you see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory you’ll see actual squirrels sitting at an assembly line taking acorns out of their shells, these squirrels were trained by an expert for two months before filming began. So I’m sure bugs could be trained to make any bug type noise you want.

Oh how heavenly it would be.

Annie Potts stars as Annie Hall’s wacky sister. Andy Dick co-stars as Woody Allen’s goofy younger brother. Hilarity ensues of course. Diane Keaton and Woody make cameos at the Russian Tea Room and good fun is had by all.

Meh, I think that was funnier in my head…

The Revenge of Biggus Dickus

or Billion Dollar Baby

Isn’t “The Day After Yesterday” in ‘Sideways?’ Eh well.

Wish I’D thought of it…

Tag line: “You’ve been a naughty, naughty boy!”

What the hell does that *mean*?

Morgan Freeman is back, and this time, he’s not taking any shit from the hag.

Sean penns recently drug overdosed corpse rises from the grave to destroy Trey Stone and Matt Parker for using his likeness in Team America 2 : The American.

because i felt someone had to say it

norm macdonald and artie lang return for the mother of all jobs but little do they know there in over there heads when Harry Knowles dirty clothes spawn fungus monsters…

Star Wars episode 8: George lucs has an idea on the toilet and turns it into a script

Star Wars episode 9: Return of Bush Administraion

G.W. froze corpse is re animated and put in some new fancy cgi body to hunt down all the new jedis luke created

micheal jackson plays an ecentric child toucher who lets 5 children who win golden cds of his latest greatest hits album,into his mysterious theme park where tiny mexicans with orange skin are being held captive for slave labor.the fun and hilarity ensues when mr jackson unleashs jesus juice and furry 70s porn unto his underage guests/

Gama altered latino Cat versus Hulk Versus Juggernaut (this time he

The 2 worst directors that take the best properties and ruin them and our souls too for that matter fight to the death for the tittle of ultimate douche bag…they fight underground in ancient antartic temples,they fight the pussy versions of monsters they ruin ,they fight on the island of dead,and finally they fight on the surface of the sun where they belong

sharon stones titties sag further

direct to video mean no budget no budget means not time travel,so marty just chills and plays guitar for 2 hours

i think i might have subconciously stole that from mad tv

metric system, see.

Now thats one they would actually love to use. I should copyright it.

some john grisham classics

Napolean Nitro

check this one out papa lazaru

Stephen king takes a shot at a comming of age comedy with the uncontrollable jim carrey ..

ok now im fizzling out im gonna sleep

The Longest Day 2 : even a longer day then the day that was the longest before this particularly long day, with vampire nazis

Sorry, Roadhouse was on TBS last night.

Ha! They’d never make a sequel to a movie where the premise was to have just one of these special immortal dudes left. That would completely ass rape the original. Thank god Hollywood isn’t that stupid. What? They were? Like three times? Oh. Never mind.

or “The Return of The Making of Gladiator”.

starring chow yun fat and sally field. but in order to explain the reason that a catholic nun who flies and a strangely empowered chinese man got together this movie will have to make even less sense than the first one. which sucked by the way to all of you crouching anus faggoty dragon fans out there. lets get ang lee to make the hulk 2: state of the union starring ice cube as dr david banner and forgoing cgi and having michael clark duncan play the brown hulk with ice cubes incredible wit and magnetic personality that he shows off in the exact same manner in each and every movie he plays in. whats that you say? ice cube is an untalented hack? i disagree sir or maddam…he may be untalented and he may be a hack but he is each of those seperately and equally. it is absolutely riduculous to say that he is JUST and untalented hack all at the same time! RIDICULOUS! testicleez out

Heeeeere’s Johnny, brother!

They lay down some hardwood on Paris Hilton’s pelvic floor, and everyone for miles gets their tango on. Fire code regulations state only 500 people can occupy her cavernous love tunnel at one time. It’s a potluck dinner, so bring whatever you feel like!

I must’ve missed XX cuz I can’t figure out how XXX had anything to do with that Spike Lee movie.

this is the funniest fucking talkback ever…

Pink returns, but he’s only slightly self-conscious this time…

the overlooked Right Foot can paint too, you know.

the DTV porn bukkake version they didn’t want you to see…

make up your own plot.

Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara join the great grandparents.

Dubya is the Uwe Boll of politics!

The twist is this time they come out of a Rubber Made can!

that may have gone too far… sorry.

…

…

The new assignment for this creative writing assignment is to go back to the original assignment. For now on I want semi-believable. ABSOLUTELY NO RIMSHOTS. This means no puns (unless they are believable titles), no combined titles, no sequels to recent blockbusters that obviously would not get a DTV sequel, no “die harder” riffs. Easy jokes will be given an F. Think of actual movies that have DTV sequels (Cruel Intentions, The Skulls, Species, Urban Legends, Sniper, The Substitute, Vampires, etc.) and extrapolate from there. Good luck everybody.

Has been mentioned previously in print as possibly “from dusk till Shaun.” Love to see that happen.

apart from that the matrix 4 : apologies.

the werewolves of wimbledon common are we….

Snoop Dogg and Method Man return as Captain Mack and Buggsy on their maiden voyage to outer space! “We goin’ where?” To the moon? You mus’ be trippin’!”

Go back in time to the Butcher of Bakersfield’s ackward high school days as a skinny geek trying to make the track team. He’ll be back:for summer school!

Masters of Universal Studios. True Lies 2: Fake Reality. Total Recall 2: Half-assed Reminiscences. On Mercury Pond. The League of Extraordinary Gentiles. Love Already, Already. Sharky’s Washing Machine. Phone Booth 2: Wrong Number. Buffy the Car Hire Slayer. Bend It Like Nixon.

Porn remakes – Erin Strokovich. Or Erin Pokeabitch.

the story of Harry Knowles’ weight loss. (fiction)

Masters of Universal Exports. Pay attention, Mumm-Ra…

Starring Ice Cube!

tagline: Touchie Touchie

Special Appearance by Della Reese as a Tarot Card Mind Reader

Mr voorhees sticks an electrode scalp massager up jack nicholsons ass.

Am I just trying too hard now?

Demi Moore reprises her role from GI Jane as the next super spy working for Samuel L Jackson.

DATA ANALYZING ROBOT YOUTH LIFEFORM has returned but this time he must stop his Evil Twin brother!

Rick Moranis finally gets fed up with all of his kids bullshit and tomfoolery so he decides to eat them.

It would be a bitter violent reimagining of the Howard the Duck world. Twenty years after the events of the first movie, Howard and Leah Thompson are married, but they live in a ratbag apartment, and Howard can’t get a job to put food on the table for their eight hideous mutant kids. To make things worse, another inter-dimensional device is being built, and Howard has to overcome his self-hatred to once again save the world from the Dark Overlords of the Universe. The kicker is that he fails this time, and the earth is taken over by the demonic villains.

Tara Ried plays a washed up skank-whore actress who comes in contact with a radioactive asteroid that turns all her plastic surgeries into a living blob bent on destroying the world. Ok that one sucked…

Our crew of fearless intergalactic adventurers search for the source of this mysterious and foul multidimensional flatulence.

Monkeys Unleashed!

The Sisterhood of the Wolf

Another 28 Days Later

Bowling for Palestine

14 Going on 40

Bad Leprechaun

Lost in Transportation

Cabin Fever 2: Attack of the Lincoln Logs

Segal reprises his role as Casey Rybeck, who can’t come to terms with the fact that he can’t fit into the same tighty-whities from two years ago.

…

a former baseball star has been banned from the game becuase of his steroid use. He plots his revenge using ancient voodoo spells and his legion of bobblehead dolls…

Weird Science 2 – Fuck Showering, Let’s Go For the BrownEye. The Banger Sisters 2: Finger Bang. I Come in Peace 2: Still Coming.

Leatherface becomes disenfranchised with his chainsaw and decides to invest in a weed whacker. He discovers that it’s a lot less effective tool for murdering people but it’s much more amusing

.

20 years later David Freeman takes Flight once again.

After six months go by with Mary still refusing to wash out the jizz in her hair her friends take her to an unlicensed Peruvian doctor and have her lobotomized. After the procedure is completed they notice very little change in Mary’s actions and intelligence.

‘Nuff said.

Axel Foley picks up what he thinks is a young lady. Hiliarity ensues when he discovers it’s a man baby.

Our favorite teen vamps square off against black lesbians..

Travolta’s comeback film.

Starring a CGI John Candy

Special guess star Art Carney’s Blue Glowy Spirit. Beyonc

Starring either Tom Arnold or John Goodman

It would be funny if it weren’t true… :-(

The OutBreak Monkey LIVES!

This time its a family Affair and Rambo is still a Pussy!

Last time it was for honor and money. Lincoln Hawk a retired Arm Wrestler is forced back into the game when his son owes money to some gangsters. The gangsters just happen to run underground Arm Wrestling Death Matches. In order to pay off his sons debt Hawk has to fight his way back to and Over the Top! This time there is know Meet Me

Halfway…its all the way or nothing!

If only…

Michael Jackson takes his young visitors to a cornfield in the back of Neverland Ranch…

The ball is back, and it’s PISSED!!!

Donnie Drunko’s got some good ones (Over the Top 2: Armed and Dangerous is an acceptable pun). The rest of you get detention for the rest of the week. AT LEAST.

Jet Li’s character has a son who Bob Hoskin’s character (Jet stupidly didn’t kill him in the original) abducts and turns him into a dog/killer. The movie is actually quite long because Hoskin’s character never travels by car due to his bad luck with cars in the original.

what the fuck was that about guys?????

Now not even you can control it. There’s like the same three people posting over and over again. “Um, um… The Mod Squad versus Vin Diesel versus Count Chockola! HA HA HA HA HA HA!” Listen to Vern people!

if you remember the original Eliminators kudos!

Leonardo DiCrapio returns as Howard Hughes in his later years. Pauly Shore stars as Hughes’ urine.

you’ll believe a fat black man can be a modern day samurai. wait…no you wont. does anyone even know what the hell im talking about? does anyone remember this crap? am i all alone here? forrest whitaker? scientology? ok…what about black dog part 2: fed ex. patrick swayze plays the same trucker but has now been hired by fed ex to deliver parcel in a rather violent manner. and his truck is black. no? ok then…lets go with barb wire 2? pam anderson reprises her role as barb wire in order to take down a black market scam in order to appropriate a new liver for herself because shes dying of hepatitis c. good thing its just a movie huh? ok maybe i went a little overboard. i apologize ms anderson. youre still hot…you just need to be sure and always carry 30 condoms per sexual encounter. nobody really wants the gift that just keeps on givin! testicleez out

It was taken already, and it wasn’t all that great to begin with. Never mix Nyquil with scotch, kids…

I’m going to bed….

… you move one of Vern’s columns out of Co-axial to the main column and also not have any new items appear to push it down for a while. That plus a contest as well – total pandemonium. By the way, no-one’s really commented on the fact that The Urban Legend films are of a quality that should have been straight to video (and not good straight to video either) from the beginning, not two, count them two cinema releases …

I have to commute by aeroplane to a job I don’t like. You couldn’t punish me any more than I already am being …

Sometime following the events of Episode VI, an amnesia stricken C-3PO awakes in the deserts of Tattoine. After wondering aimlessly through the blistering sun he stumbles across a cloaked dude with glowing red eyes who calls himself Darth Nikon. Darth Nikon tells C-3PO that he is the last remaining Sith Lord and the Rebels were unaware that he still existed even though ancient prophicies spoke of his return and how he would be aided in conquering the galaxy by the “one in gold”. Nikon takes 3PO as his apprentice and sends him to Endor because of the Ewoks belief that 3PO is their god. Somewhere on Endor lies the missing scrolls needed to fulfill the ancient prophicies and unless Wicket and the rest of the cute cuddly bastards can remind 3PO of the good inside him the galaxy will again be ruled by the Sith. Apparently the Lightsaber duel between 3PO and R2D2 will be talked about for millenia.

… Some of the studios themselves come up with some suspect ideas themselves. They actually were seriously considering Scooby Deux for Part 2, which is kind of funny, then there’s the frequently quoted Die Hard 4.0 (is that one for real?). The real things that are suggested can often be worse than at least most of us can think of …Also, there are times when a film can end up producing a straight to video sequel that you weren’t expecting (if anything you might have thought there would be another cinema sequel or nothing at all) – like Starship Troopers maybe. So, you can never say for absolutely sure what’s going from cinema to video.

I was gonna say The One :Two

meh .

dude- there’s already two Ewok spin off films , the battlel for endor\( i think ) and return to endor(i also think ) one’s pretty gruesome , the little girls mum , dad and bro all get killed nastily . It’s way more hardcore than starwars , they only reeeely feature wicket though as a starwars character .

How about Speed 3: Escape Velocity? I heard there was serious talk about setting the next one in space.

…for staying somewhat on topic, but, well, I saw Michael Dougherty on Bravo’s “100 Scariest Movie Moments”. I can’t help but wonder if John Cusack is lying comatose in a Los Angeles hospital WITHOUT A FACE! I’m just saying.

last one, I promise…

You are ridiculous

A cop from the future must travel back in time to get a baseball bat from a gang member to bash the heads in of some alien bugs.

Funny as hell, dancemonster. And also a realistic title for the sequel.

That’s okay, I made a specific request and it was nice to see participation. Fun was had by, uh, some. Anyway I wanted to comment to the guy called Testicles about Ghost Dog 2. Of course we know what you’re talking about – Ghost Dog was one of the best movies of the last ten years, and also I already made that joke in the fuckin article. I guess my joke is different though because it’s based on the premise that it would be an insult to the original because somebody besides Jarmusch would direct it and treat it like it was an action movie. Black Dog is a good choice though, that’s one that would be surprising to suddenly have a DTV sequel. But believable.

HA HA HA HA HAAAH! I`M MUCH FUNNIER THAN ZE AMERIKAN FOOLZ!

and I thought my “Soul Plane 2 The Moon” was a legitimate DTV movie. where’s the love, vern…

DTV sequel to the 2005 flop (just watch) Starring Shannon Elizabeth and Brekin Meyer.

“Watch the wackiness ensue as the Seven Samurai take care of an orphaned baby while prtecting a town from raiders!”

How I love thy wonderful DTV reviews. You brighten up my already wonderful days.

There is only one man/fish that can stop the Thermonucular Sub manned by a escaped Saddam. The only question where is The Incredilble Mr. Limpet?!?!

The One Crazy Summer After Next will come out six months later.

Subtitle : When The Bow Breaks

Only this time they drink blood from a lab rat from the science department.

Roger and Eddy reunite to find out who raped Jessica. Was it a Toon? Was it a

human? Was it a gungan?

Okay, I will accept Soul Plane 2. But with a cast you never heard of and the cover says “special appearances by Coolio and Master P.” Also I like that everybody is casting Breckin Meyer in everything.

I know this goes against Vern’s rules, but it’s relevant to your post. :-)

PLATWON (Or, if you would, Pla2n.)

…I’ll let myself out.

Warlock 2: Locked Out ; Monsters, Inc. Files Chapter 11;

Sorry, I got here late.

because I am enlightened about Ewoks? Shame on you man.

Or if you want a sequel, How about, “The Last Boy Scout 2: The Jig is Up”!

How about The Last Girl Scout

This time around Willis teams up with the Lizze (Kirsten Dunst) from Wimbledon. Its been a few years since the events of Wimbledon and Lizze has been removed form the sport because of her drug and Alcohol abuse. One night she attends a Tennis Rave where a film crew is making a Tennis Chics Gone Wild video she wittness a murder and over hears a plot to Blow Wimbledon 2006 all to hell! Willis reluctantly gets assigned to pretend to be her new Tennis coach and the goverment gets Lizze back in the world of Tennis. As the game gets to match point only Willis and The Last Girl Scout can save the day……dummm dummm dummmm

Some Dude, yours was genius.

“From the Writers of SUPERMAN RETURNS, Vern reviews …” is iliturit. How the heck can Vern be from the writers? I thought he’s from Seattle.

or You got served more. Yes, I’m not even really trying anymore.

A few days ago I sugested the title License to Fly as a sequal to License to Drive. While searching through some forums I came across some news that that title was actually being considered for a sequal title at one point. The plot envovled planes like mine but for different reasons…..I fell out of my seat laughing cause when I wrote that I was thinking what a dumb movie that would be LOL!

The Monster Hit Squad – a grown up, alcoholic Rudy is assigned by a shady government agency to fly all over the world and take out suspected vampires, werewolves, etc. Then, he gets his hardest assigmnet yet: take out his old friend Shawn, who is now supposedly a werewolf. Ooo, the drama!!

Breckin Myers takes over for Jake G’hall.

The President concocts lies about non-existent WMDS, non-existent uranium, non-existent links between a sovereign country and terrorists and launches a war … wait a minute, it really happened. Damn… Anwyay, the POTUS is played by Breckin Meyer, Veep Cheney by John Saxon, Rumsfeld by the guy who played Niedermeyer and Janette “Good Times” Dubois as Condoleeza Rice.

I know I know, another late joiner. Imagine I’m flipping you the bird because I am.

This is about a bunch of fascist humans who screw Denise Richards’ brains out and the fragile peace they have with a race of washed up sitcom actors who only want the freedom to do fascist chicks whenever they want and whose leader recently impregnated Denise and gave her an alien baby. He keeps the peace only by giving her back to her nypho fascist people but how long will it hold?

Also starring Ronald Reagan and Stalin as zombies.

this one’s pretty self explanatory.

I’m crying.

This time the scientests have gone too far. They made the sharks so smart they taught themselves how to use their fins as arms and legs.

This summer, fear walks the beach!

If that’s true then the answer is no, no I wouldn’t.

Whoopi & Reese mourn for the Taco Bell dog.

Yeah, I know I’m late to the party. Hope someone is still reading.

Was that obvious?

Starring a green faced Cher with the powers of a cartoon.

And the prequel, 24 Hours. Starring Keifer Sutherland & Eddie Murphy!

… Part ?

co-starring Calista Flockhart as Indy’s cane!

…those Enron guys need SOMETHING to do…

stole my idea for Deep Blue Sea 2: Land Shark… they’re filming it right now off the Florida Coast using real sharks and real innocent kids that get their legs bit off.

I want a piece of the action you bastards.

Ha ha ha, wen i read dis page i nearly pissed myself!!!

here’s my two-cents….3rd installment of Meet the Parents….Meet the Parents 3:Meet the Grandmutha Focker….hahahah im soo corny

meet the grandmutha focker…..Bernie Mac as a love interest for one othe grandmothers……hahahah

Immortal … just like cancer.

:-)

seriously. more creativity here than the last 10 studio releases. remember when “miramax” films used to mean something good? spielberg movies were had scripts AND effects AND told stories? tom cruise was annoying, but a good actor who didn’t act like a moron during junkets? studios and financiers insisted major expensive productions had scripts AND casting. just look at mr. and mrs. smith. it is a casting movie…much like the irwin allen disaster films of the 70s…”towering inferno”, “airport” series, “meteor” the rest. cast some alleged stars and a certain revenue target will be met by fans. write script later, if at all. anybody else notice a lot of the funniest and most interesting images from the trailer for “mr. and mrs. smith” WEREN’T in the movie? sadly, the amusing (if recycled premise) of this most egregious of summer movies had much promise…just didn’t bother writing it. actually, the trailer was better thant the movie. better pacing. ouch.

I was late to this party…

… and it will be missed.

Hollywood not only have ran out of ideas

That reads back over this talkback with fond memories and laughs to be had? Side note I rented this dvd Bloody Mary just because of this talkback and well it really sucked ass. A movie of the posters reading thier ideas to a movie Exec would have been more entertaining.