I don’t know why I never got around to seeing the THE CROW sequel from the director of SIX-STRING SAMURAI. Always was curious. Still took me 19 years. Lance Mungia’s THE CROW: WICKED PRAYER, just like the previous one, was meant for theaters, but I think it only played somewhere around here? Wiki(dprayer)pedia says its theatrical run was only in Seattle and only for one week, and I do remember seeing an ad for it and being confused, but I was thinking it was in Eastern Washington. Anyway, I didn’t go.
URBAN LEGEND (1998) is, to my mind, one of the most “obviously we’re making this because of the success of SCREAM” horror movies that exists. It’s another young-people-whodunit-slasher, with a similarly constituted cast of pretty young movie and TV stars, but instead of killings inspired by horror movie tropes, these ones are based on popular urban myths. At the time I think I took it as dumb but pretty enjoyable, which is also how I feel about it now, and about many non-classic slasher movies. Like most of them it benefits from age – it’s a time capsule now rather than the latest the genre has to offer, so we have different expectations for it. (read the rest of this shit…)
A RETURN TO SALEM’S LOT is Larry Cohen’s weirdo theatrically-released sort-of-sequel to Tobe Hooper’s TV mini-series of the Stephen King book. But really it just takes the location – the tiny town of Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine – and the idea of doing a vampire story there. It’s not the same vampire or the same type of vampire. It doesn’t connect, from what I remember. But I like that.
Joe Weber (Cohen’s muse Michael Moriarty) is an anthropologist working on a CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST type documentary when he finds he has to come home to look after his troublemaking teenage son Jeremy (one-time actor Ricky Addison Reed, who IMDb claims was cast to play Robin in Tim Burton’s BATMAN in scenes that were never filmed). Joe brings his son to the old, recently-inherited fixer-upper in his birth-town of Salem’s Lot (as some but not all abbreviate it). (read the rest of this shit…)
Before Riverdale, before the Marvel Cinematic Universe, before Christopher Nolan Batman, before 9-11 even, there was a different type of comic book movie: JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. Inspired by the Archie comic book and Hanna-Barbera cartoon, writer/directors Harry Elfont & Deborah Kaplan told a goofy version of the little-rock-‘n-roll-band-tested-by-overnight-superstardom story.
Actually maybe we should forget about comics and consider this timeline: it was a year before American Idol started. The Spice Girls had packed it up the year before. NSYNC and Backstreet Boys were still popular. The movie seems to offer the Pussycats as a refreshing alternative for teenage girls to obsess over instead of boy bands, but it should be noted that Destiny’s Child, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Janet Jackson, Brandy, Madonna, Mary J. Blige, Pink, and Aaliyah (plus Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson) all had hits that year. But I guess the Pussycats do stand out by playing instruments. Their songs are kind of sassy pop punk, not good in my opinion but not as intolerable as some in-movie music. (read the rest of this shit…)
From the director of PUNISHER #2 and the star of PUNISHER #3 comes a solid, entertaining period gangster movie. It’s a biopic of Danny Greene, an Irish American union president, gang enforcer and dodger of car bombs in Cleveland, Ohio circa early ’60s through late ’70s. If it had been done as two separate movies maybe it would’ve got an arthouse release and some critical respect, but they did it as one so it was barely released by Anchor Bay and nobody ever heard of it. (read the rest of this shit…)
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
The version I saw is the unrated DVD, which I guess has extra pie fucking footage. in the original apparently it was a standing up with the pie position, wheras here it is a missionary position with the kid mounting the pie. The cover of the unrated DVD shows all the young gals on the cover but don’t be fooled, none of them do any pie fucking in the movie, it is only this one guy. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
Alex R on Dragonheart: “Not a toy guy either and the appeal of that specific figure is clearly the pose, but I do think…” Jun 5, 09:50
Tim Bobo on Dragonheart: “Were kids really clamoring for Dragonheart action figures in the mid 90s? I’d love to know how many of those…” Jun 5, 09:33
Johann Tor on Dragonheart: “I really had fun with this when it came out, and I might have rewatched it once since then. I…” Jun 5, 04:11
VERN on Dragonheart: “In regards to the David Thewlis action figure, he had a non-movie evil dragon he could ride on, so he’s…” Jun 4, 22:54
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Lorin on Dragonheart: “The only thing I remember from this movie is the scam being found out when the dragon tries to crash…” Jun 4, 10:17
Tim bobo on Dragonheart: “Haven’t seen it since summer 1996 and I remember it being fairly blah. I remember the hook at the time…” Jun 4, 09:47
Aktion Figure on Dragonheart: “*cough* Excuse me *cough*” Jun 4, 06:31
Aktion Figure on Dragonheart: “Was there something in the air around this time concerning “Braveheart” but with fantasy but with PG-13? I’d almost swear…” Jun 4, 06:27
Aktion Figure on Dragonheart: “Was there something in the air around this time concerning “Braveheart” but with fantasy but with PG-13? I’d almost swear…” Jun 4, 06:26
BuzzFeedAldrin on Welcome to the Dollhouse: “When young Buzz was in suburban NJ and starved for culture, I BEGGED my dad to take me to this…” Jun 4, 05:51
CJ Holden on Dragonheart: “From what I’ve read about it, the last three DRAGONHEART DTV sequels form a trilogy with its own lore and…” Jun 4, 00:56
Crudnasty on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “Thanks, Vern, and sorry to have exhumed the horse skeleton for another beat down. I think this is one of…” Jun 3, 18:46
Mr. Majestyk on Dragonheart: “According to the surprisingly extensive special features on the ancient DVD, pretty much all the choices holding this movie back…” Jun 3, 17:25
URBAN LEGEND (1998) is, to my mind, one of the most “obviously we’re making this because of the success of 
A RETURN TO SALEM’S LOT is Larry Cohen’s weirdo theatrically-released sort-of-sequel to Tobe Hooper’s TV mini-series of the Stephen King book. But really it just takes the location – the tiny town of Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine – and the idea of doing a vampire story there. It’s not the same vampire or the same type of vampire. It doesn’t connect, from what I remember. But I like that.
Before 
From the director of 
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
