I reviewed STEALTH when it came out and, though I was alone on this, I really enjoyed it. I didn’t believe I was entirely receiving it in the spirit intended, but maybe it sorta knows what it’s doing? Doesn’t matter – death of the author. These days director Rob Cohen is disdained for allegations of sexual assault, but back then it was just for the quality of his movies. Since I only knew about the movie part I was okay with him, ‘cause I always liked DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS started a run of increasingly stupid movies that I got a kick out of (after this there was THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, ALEX CROSS, THE BOY NEXT DOOR and ).
I was pretty excited to return to it, expecting my original verdict to hold true, but I hyped myself up too much. This time it had a few laughs but the aerial spectacle (involving lots of animation and green screen cockpit acting that might’ve been a little ahead of its time) gets pretty repetitive. I did like that Cohen has virtual shots going through the circuitry of the jet, repeating his trademark move from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. (read the rest of this shit…)
Back in 2020 there was a pretty cool indie action type thing called BECKY. Lulu Wilson (The Haunting of Hill House) played a sullen thirteen year old trying to emotionally survive a cabin retreat with her widower father and his new fiance when suddenly she has to physically survive a home invasion by a neo-nazi gang. They killed her family (except for her dog Diego) so she hides the mysterious, possibly-mystical key they’re looking for and turns into kid McClane, violently hunting them using household and treehousehold items and wearing a cutesy knitted chipmunk hat.
I had some issues with BECKY but I enjoyed it enough to be excited by the prospect of a sequel with the pulpy title THE WRATH OF BECKY. It got a limited theatrical and VOD release back in May and has since come out on DVD (but not blu-ray I guess?). (read the rest of this shit…)
I skipped EVOLUTION in the summer of 2001 because it didn’t look very good. Hey, what do you know, it turns out me-of-ten-years-ago knew what he was doing. But for this important scholarly work it was crucial that I not just view the 2001 movies people remember. To truly get a feel for the period I had to watch at least one movie that came out that summer and then nobody ever thought about it again. (read the rest of this shit…)
(disclaimer: I started writing this review before everybody was writing about RED STATE playing at Sundance, and before you guys all discussed Kevin Smith to death. But I still decided to finish it because the tortoise vs. the hare, etc.)
Kevin Smith has been in the news lately for not wanting to be in the news. He’s done a few interviews about how he refuses to do interviews, and sights like /film have been kissing his ass for basically saying that sights like /film can kiss his ass. He has been doing promotion for his new movie RED STATE by going around saying that he will refuse to do any promotion for his new movie RED STATE.
I had no problem skipping this one when it came to theaters, but it was on DVD where the problems came up. Sure, I tried, but then motherfuckers kept recommending it to me. Saying it was “actually good” and “alot of fun” and all that kind of nonsense. After a while I figured well why not, give this Rock dude a shot. I skipped his mummy pictures, so all I know is he was in BEYOND THE MAT and he seemed like a nice guy. Goes by the name of Dwayne, I believe, in everyday life, but for wrestling and movies it’s last name Rock, first name The. No relation to Chris.
The movie was pretty much what I expected when I first succeeded in skipping it. Unfortunately when they’re trying out action heroes that have not yet convinced the Hollywood suits, they have to team them with some company man as his partner/buddy/”comic” relief sidekick. For example they pulled this shit on Chow Yun Fat in BULLET PROOF MONK and here they have the same fucking narc, Sean William Scott from the AMERICAN PIE teenage pictures, saddling down The Rock, making sure he stays in line and doesn’t pull anything funny like making a great movie. (read the rest of this shit…)
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
The version I saw is the unrated DVD, which I guess has extra pie fucking footage. in the original apparently it was a standing up with the pie position, wheras here it is a missionary position with the kid mounting the pie. The cover of the unrated DVD shows all the young gals on the cover but don’t be fooled, none of them do any pie fucking in the movie, it is only this one guy. (read the rest of this shit…)
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THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
KayKay on The Smashing Machine (2025): “No problem Vern. I am genuinely sorry for this individual and the obvious mental issues he/she is facing, but it’s…” Oct 15, 17:43
VERN on The Smashing Machine (2025): “I was asked by the person at the center of the recent discussion here to delete their posts. I hope…” Oct 15, 16:54
psychic_hits on One Battle After Another: “Coming out of comment retirement for this one. I’m happy to know that you think so highly of it, Vern.…” Oct 15, 16:21
CJ Holden on Thunderbirds: “Slightly random, but did you know that German TV has been making new episodes of BEYOND BELIEF: FACT OR FICTION…” Oct 15, 12:33
Bob Apologist on One Battle After Another: “A little harsh on Bob! I don’t think he’s dumb or a fucking idiot any more than any human is,…” Oct 15, 10:05
Bill Reed on One Battle After Another: “I am coolish on this one (and on PTA and LDiC in general). I liked it, but it didn’t live…” Oct 15, 07:28
Mr. Subtlety on One Battle After Another: “SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS Not even going to try to be coherent,…” Oct 15, 07:08
Birch on One Battle After Another: “This one didn’t fully work for me. Maybe Majestyk has the right idea and I just wasn’t in the right…” Oct 14, 21:32
VERN on One Battle After Another: “Eric – You might be saying you agree that she’s sympathetic and want to know why we feel that way,…” Oct 14, 18:55
Crudnasty on One Battle After Another: “This movie starring Leo DiCaprio is to me the same feeling of seeing music festivals revealing their lineups to feature…” Oct 14, 14:56
Dreadguacamole on One Battle After Another: “[SPOILERS] – tons of [SPOILERS]. I loved how the theme that plays at the beginning, following Perfidia, is then repeated…” Oct 14, 13:31
Miguel Hombre on One Battle After Another: “SPOILERS Yeah this is a great one. Even if this had been a ‘good’ year for films this one would…” Oct 14, 12:17
July 29, 2005
).
Back in 2020 there was a pretty cool indie action type thing called 
released June 8th, 2001
(
I had no problem skipping this one when it came to theaters, but it was on DVD where the problems came up. Sure, I tried, but then motherfuckers kept recommending it to me. Saying it was “actually good” and “alot of fun” and all that kind of nonsense. After a while I figured well why not, give this Rock dude a shot. I skipped his mummy pictures, so all I know is he was in BEYOND THE MAT and he seemed like a nice guy. Goes by the name of Dwayne, I believe, in everyday life, but for wrestling and movies it’s last name Rock, first name The. No relation to Chris.
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
