Late one night recently I was browsing streaming services for a movie to watch, and I found a section of Paramount+ called “Action-Packed Summer.” It was all big budget, well known studio movies like GLADIATOR, BRAVEHEART, all the DIE HARDs, the CHARLIE’S ANGELSes, T2, STAR TREK, and weirdly ZERO DARK THIRTY… and then one and only one small-timer indie movie most people never heard of: FEAR THE NIGHT (2023). I had actually been meaning to see it because it stars Maggie Q (NAKED WEAPON, DRAGON SQUAD, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, PRIEST), so I took this as my reminder. Thank you, Paramount corporation, for looking out for us Maggie QAnons.
It’s a really strange fit for that category because it’s a low rent home invasion thriller from Quiver Distribution, who literally produced a bunch of their movies with Redbox. The only ones I’ve seen by them are BECKY and WRATH OF BECKY, but they also did MONEY PLANE, DEAD FOR A DOLLAR, LIGHTS OUT and OUTLAW POSSE. One of their upcoming movies (FIRST SHIFT) is directed by Uwe Bolle, and one of their most recent (AGENT RECON) is a sci-fi action movie with dual-wielding, tactical gear Chuck Norris as the central figure on the cover. (Norris is two years older than Joe Biden.)
When I read that the unrated DVD of THE WICKER MAN REMAKE has a SHOCKING ALTERNATE ENDING!, I was a little confused. Because if you’ve ever seen the original, good version of THE WICKER MAN you know this can only SPOILER end one way: an outdoor barbecue featuring Nic Cage in a central role. What could the SHOCKING ALTERNATE ENDING be? He doesn’t get burned alive?
(released overseas as Soapdish 2000)
that I am, I decided to go see it BEFORE this week’s Badass release, Way of the Gun. I would like to apologize right now for my lapse in judgement and lack of support for the Badass movement. What in fuck’s name was I thinking. I must have been suffering from temporary trauma induced delusions like the gal of the title.
