Posts Tagged ‘video games’
Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
NEED FOR SPEED is based on a video game I guess, but it seems like a THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS sequel from an alternate timeline where TOKYO DRIFT never happened, or a weird idea for a gritty reboot of the SPEED RACER licensed trademark franchise property.
It’s another story that takes place among characters who think of nothing but car racing. There are signs of relationships in their pasts and futures, but women seem to be only a side interest for both the hero and the villain. The hero barely hides his sadness that his ex-girlfriend is with the villain now, yet we barely see her with her new man, she shows no sign of affection toward him and it’s unclear, to me at least, whether her diamond ring means they’re married or engaged. And it doesn’t seem like it really matters anyway because… cars. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Aaron Paul, car chases, Dominic Cooper, Imogen Poots, Kid Cudi, Rami Malek, Scott Waugh, street racing, video games
Posted in Action, Reviews | 31 Comments »
Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
So nice they named it twice for some reason? I actually was always curious to see what this BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER movie was all about, so those of you who voted it up in the SUGGESTIONS gave me that nudge I’ve been needing for years.
Antonio Banderas plays Jeremiah Ecks, an ex-FBI agent who went deep undercover and faked his death but also thought his wife was dead but she wasn’t but now he’s retired but they come to him and say his wife is actually alive and he should help them go after this kidnapper Sever (Lucy Liu) because she knows where his wife is. She took the son of innocent Talisa Soto (MORTAL KOMBAT) and rich asshole Gregg Henry (PAYBACK) and she keeps him in a big metal cage in a Batcave type underground lair but she seems to like him because she brings him cafeteria lunch trays loaded with good food like home made macaroni and cheese, Jello and Ding-Dongs, and he says “Thank you” politely. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alan B. McElroy, Antonio Banderas, Gregg Henry, Lucy Liu, Ray Park, Talisa Soto, video games
Posted in Action, Reviews, Videogame | 76 Comments »
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010
Remember TRON? The 1982 live action Disney fantasy from director Steven Lisberger (ANIMALYMPICS, HOT PURSUIT) about a dude magically sucked into a video game to play frisbee and ride bikes? It’s memorable for its only-in-1982 approach to design, its one-of-a-kind black light type look, its pioneering computer effects (which still look surprisingly cool today) and a weird electronical score by Wendy Carlos (A CLOCKWORK ORANGE). The only major problem I have with it besides it being boring is the entire silly premise of a guy going inside a computer and the “programs” are alive and they battle each other.
Believe me, I’m a man who knows how to suspend the ol’ disbelief. I suspend that shit all the time. I’m about this close to banning it for life. But Jeff Bridges getting shrunk and playing games with tiny neon people who live in a city inside a computer chip is just not compatible with my brain, in my opinion.
And besides, if video games are gonna come to life then why don’t you put Pac-Man in there? I’d like to hear what Pac-Man has to say for himself.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bruce Boxleitner, Daft Punk, Garrett Hedlund, Jeff Bridges, Olivia Wilde, the Nerdening of America, video games
Posted in Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 78 Comments »
Thursday, August 19th, 2010
I’ve been writing Expendables-related reviews for weeks because to me that was the movie event of 2010. That’s just the way I was raised. But according to The Internet the most important and historic release last weekend, possibly this year, possibly in our lifetime, most likely within this epoch, and almost for sure within whatever is a hundred times bigger than six epochs, or at least since KICK ASS… is this movie for the youths called SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. It’s based on a comic strip of some kind, which explains why it’s so historically inaccurate. They don’t even mention the Mayflower once, and it’s a total whitewash of what we did to the Native Americans. To be fair it does take place in Toronto. Maybe their pilgrims were different, I don’t know that much about it. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Edgar Wright, Michael Cera, video games
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Reviews, Videogame | 178 Comments »
Thursday, July 15th, 2010
MORTAL KOMBAT ANNIHILATION is an asinine sequel by any standards, but as long as you don’t hold the MORTAL KOMBAT legacy too close to your heart it’s pretty fuckin funny.
In the first one it seemed like they tried hard to mold the vibe of the game into a new type of martial arts movie for the early digital era. In this one I really thought the video game creators must’ve got a big head and forced every bullshit video game concept they could think of onto the poor bastards who had to try to turn it into a passable story. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: James Remar, Robin Shou, video games
Posted in Action, Fantasy/Swords, Martial Arts, Reviews | 63 Comments »
Friday, July 9th, 2010
I know MORTAL KOMBAT is not exactly a high kwality movie. It has one or more leads who are completely unconvincing as fighters. Linden Ashby as Johnny Cage can maybe get by on arrogance, but the teacher from BILLY MADISON as Sonya Blade just comes off as a grouchy aerobics student in a black painter’s cap that’s supposed to make her a supercop. This movie is a pioneer in bad computer generation imaginations, possibly the first movie to prove that CGI not good enough for a feature film is in fact good enough for a feature film. (Say thank you, SPAWN).
But I gotta admit, I kind of like this stupid fucking movie. It has, as we Americans say that the French say, a certain… I don’t know how to spell it in French. It invented a completely new style of cheesy stupid fun. And it keeps a straight face the whole time. I mean, look at Scorpion there. Does he look like he’s gonna wink at you? Fuck no. The man is serious. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bridgette Wilson, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Christopher Lambert, George S. Clinton, Hakim Alston, Linden Ashby, Paul W.S. Anderson, Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, video games
Posted in Action, Fantasy/Swords, Martial Arts, Reviews | 116 Comments »
Monday, July 5th, 2010
I haven’t really kept up with this, but I heard something about Roger Ebert drawing a nerd fatwa by saying that video games aren’t art. From the sounds of it I think people should lay off the guy, because do you really want to convince Ebert to love video games and have him spend his last years playing Halo looking for its themes? I don’t want that, and I wish he’d cut down on the Twitter a little too. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Byron Mann, JCVD, Raul Julia, Steven E. de Souza, video games
Posted in Action, Reviews | 58 Comments »
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
Chud.com, the premiere C.H.U.D. fan websight, posted this video earlier today that they believe is some kind of “proof of concept” or something for a new MORTAL KOMBAT movie. Mr. Faraci explained some reasons why he believed this wasn’t just a fan made video like that one where Batman fights Predator, but one very good reason he left out is that the video stars Michael Jai White. In a later update he claims it was made by Larnell Stovall, who did stunts in URBAN JUSTICE, BLACK DYNAMITE and BLOOD AND BONE and was the fight choreographer for (the MJW-less) UNDISPUTED III.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_MqZn7E-mk
I don’t know about you guys, but I think applying the BATMAN BEGINS pseudo-realism approach to this movie/video game is a really stupid idea, the kind of really stupid idea that I like. As long as they get MJW into that tournament and shoot the fights in a more Isaac Florentine manner this could be a fun time at the movies. I just hope “realistic” doesn’t mean they can’t get back into the funny ninja costumes when they fight.
Trivia: MJW was originally cast to play that same character in MORTAL KOMBAT PART 2, but then left to do SPAWN instead. Some things in life are neither good or bad, they just are.
Tags: Michael Jai White, video games
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 96 Comments »
Friday, March 15th, 2002
Apparently this one’s based on a video game that’s kind of based on the night of the living dead movies. So it turns out real crappy like a xerox of a xerox. And apparently the machine needs servicing. The video game is probaly better because after three of your pac-men get eaten by zombies, the game is over. The movie lasts, like, more than an hour.
The plot isn’t that bad. Milla Jovovich, who is still gorgeous even after leaving Luc Besson and becoming integrated into society, plays some kind of security agent or something in a dress. (Not sure.) She wakes up naked in the shower of a mansion with no memory. Some army goons rush in and bring her along with them into a secret underground chamber to investigate, even though she doesn’t remember how to help them.
Okay so I am not really backing my claim that the plot isn’t that bad. Well it turns out that before she lost her memory (I never understood how) she was undercover, living in the mansion to guard the secret entrance to this underground facility “the hive” where a realistically sinister corporation performs illegal genetic experiments. But somebody let loose a deadly virus, the computer put the place in lockdown, and all the scientists and dogs inside were turned into zombies. Also some monster comes out at the end. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Milla Jovovich, Paul W.S. Anderson, video games, zombies
Posted in Action, Horror, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit, Videogame | 6 Comments »
