I don’t usually review comedies, especially straight forward romance/family ones like HAPPIEST SEASON, nor do I plan to do it often. But I thought this was a pretty good one and I decided to give it a shot. Sharpen my skills.
HAPPIEST SEASON is new on Hulu and takes place at Christmas time, but is not specifically about any holiday celebrations. It has received some attention as a high profile romantic comedy with a same sex couple, and of a much higher quality than the ones starting to pop up on Hallmark and Lifetime. Sony/TriStar had actually intended this for a major theatrical release before the pandemic and its supporters fucked up the country. It was directed and co-written by Clea DuVall, who we of course know as an actress from GHOSTS OF MARS, THE GRUDGE, ZODIAC, etc., so it’s a pretty good in-joke when a character’s teenage bedroom is still decorated with a sexy poster of Josh Hartnett (THE FACULTY). (read the rest of this shit…)
ARGO is based on an amazing true story, recently declassified and told in this great Wired article. During the Iran hostage crisis, it turns out, the CIA managed to rescue a group of stranded American workers using an unusual cover story: they were part of a Canadian film crew scouting exotic locations for a STAR WARS inspired sci-fi fantasy epic. John Chambers, the genius makeup artist behind the PLANET OF APES series (and played by John Goodman here), had done “some contract work” for the CIA according to the article (let’s hope he gets a whole series of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE style thrillers) and helped to set up real Hollywood producers and offices for the fake movie. The now-worshipped-by-nerds comic book artist Jack Kirby (seen only in a cameo here, played by DEATH WISH V’s Michael Parks) provided the artwork that they used as pre-production set and costume designs. (read the rest of this shit…)
One thing about JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS: it’s definitely John Carpenter’s GHOSTS OF MARS.
It has plenty of elements that could be perfect for one of his movies. It’s kind of a siege movie like ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13, although the simplicity of that type of setup is mired in flashbacks and narration. It’s got a western motif – even though it’s in the future and on Mars there’s a train, and colonists possessed by angry Martian spirits take the place of the Natives defending their land. It’s got a ready-made anti-hero – Ice Cube as the bad-but-not-guilty-of-the-specific-crime-he’s-accused-of prisoner-in-transfer Desolation Williams. It has a pretty good soundtrack where Carpenter melds his style with a bunch of rock n roll dudes with electric guitars and drums, playing Martian tribal rock. It has Ice Cube, Jason Statham, Joanna Cassidy and Pam Grier in the cast! This shit should be great. (read the rest of this shit…)
Some of you will wonder why I choose to watch this kind of crap. The answer is because of the French.
This one is from a series of movies made for cable called Creature Features. They have special effecting by Stan Winston (director of A GNOME NAMED GNORM) and are all based on the premises or titles of old movies produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff. They got SHE-MONSTER, DAN AYCKROYD VS. SPIDERMAN and many others. The one I’m waiting for is actually TEENAGE CAVEMAN directed by Larry Clark, the pervert who did KIDS and BULLY and ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE where the main kid wears his pants so low you can see his fuckin pubes. Jesus, Larry! (read the rest of this shit…)
(I held onto this Paypal donation thing you can use if you don't want to use Patreon)
WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM
if that's your thing:
1. Patreon
(Crowdfunding deal where you toss me a few bucks monthly to help me take time off from the day job to write more of this good shit. You also get access to some exclusive pieces there.)
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines
(you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)
I also have an Amazon UK one:
(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)
4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products
(I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)
5. Spread the word
Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers around here.
THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
* * * *
Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
A.L.F. on Patreon sneak peek: PUMP UP THE VOLUME: “[visual-parse url=”https://www.artofthetitle.com/title/pump-up-the-volume/”] Hopefully this link will work, I am really lousy with HTML, if it posts as gibberish please delete.…” Apr 13, 19:12
A.L.F. on Patreon sneak peek: PUMP UP THE VOLUME: “This movie has perhaps the most excellent of all Pablo Ferro titles, sorry Dr. Strangelove you scrub.” Apr 13, 19:09
BuzzFeedAldrin on Patreon sneak peek: PUMP UP THE VOLUME: “Thanks for this review. I love this oddball movie. As a 40-year old, this seemed like a taboo, very-adult movie…” Apr 13, 10:21
VERN on Modern Vampires: “Yeah, I remember a particular thing in that one that was way too much for me (a running gag inspired…” Apr 13, 09:41
Pacman2.0 on Modern Vampires: “Watched CITIZEN TOXIE for the first time last summer, and mentally cringed thinking of all the “actually it’s not offensive,…” Apr 13, 03:30
CJ Holden on Modern Vampires: “Yeah, but even back then there was a difference between someone “just” making edgy or tasteless jokes and someone proudly…” Apr 13, 01:12
Timo Paananen on King Kong vs. Godzilla: “Here’s a very informative video about the differences between the two versions from a cool channel. [visual-parse url=”https://youtu.be/nmIV9jVV050″] The Japanese…” Apr 13, 01:00
VERN on Modern Vampires: “I didn’t mean to imply he was a douchebag on the commentary, which was recorded immediately after the movie for…” Apr 12, 16:07
A.L.F. on R.I.P. DMX: “Oh yeah, obviously this is different than me but one of the things that I love about both DMX and…” Apr 12, 15:01
Ghost on Modern Vampires: “I forgot I owned this film, as I can’t actually remember anything you describe until I saw the UK Revenant…” Apr 12, 14:36
A.L.F. on R.I.P. DMX: “Oh, and for the record the other best tribute I’ve seen to DMX was Chris Rock’s, which earned Chris Rock…” Apr 12, 14:28
A.L.F. on R.I.P. DMX: “Broddie, wow, you really are completely knocking it out of the park with amazing works of personal, critical and factual…” Apr 12, 14:24
Broddie on Modern Vampires: “I always wrote this one off but this review is making me finally want to see it for Rod Steiger’s…” Apr 12, 12:14
CJ Holden on Modern Vampires: “Yeah, as I said before, R. Elfman is creative, but not talented enough to pull it off and this movie…” Apr 12, 12:01
Broddie on R.I.P. DMX: “A.L.F. – Thanks for the kind words. Much appreciated. Mr. Majestyk – Oh don’t get me wrong I could still…” Apr 12, 11:53
VERN’S “I RECOMMEND THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PRODUCT” CORNER:
I don’t usually review comedies, especially straight forward romance/family ones like HAPPIEST SEASON, nor do I plan to do it often. But I thought this was a pretty good one and I decided to give it a shot. Sharpen my skills.
ARGO is based on an amazing true story, recently declassified and told in 
One thing about JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS: it’s definitely John Carpenter’s GHOSTS OF MARS.
Some of you will wonder why I choose to watch this kind of crap. The answer is because of the French.
