Archive for the ‘Comedy/Laffs’ Category
Tuesday, July 31st, 2001
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
The version I saw is the unrated DVD, which I guess has extra pie fucking footage. in the original apparently it was a standing up with the pie position, wheras here it is a missionary position with the kid mounting the pie. The cover of the unrated DVD shows all the young gals on the cover but don’t be fooled, none of them do any pie fucking in the movie, it is only this one guy. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Chris Klein, Jason Biggs, Mena Suvari, Seann William Scott, Tara Reid
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Reviews, Romance | 10 Comments »
Saturday, June 30th, 2001
Well as you know I am on the cutting edge of our Cinematic type culture here, so let me tell you this for sure. This movie, which had a release that made BONES look like HENRY fucking PORTER, will be discovered on video and cherished right and left by every motherfucker and his uncle for years to come.
This is not a great movie but it’s a funny one and a unique one. You got basically a super hero story here starring a young black fella named Pootie Tang, played by some Writer from the chris rock show. Chris Rock show is another chapter in the story of people claiming that a show is really good, in fact so good you gotta pay hbo to see it. Hello – tv is supposed to be free. Until you put it on the FREE airwaves I have no choice but to assume that the sopranos, oz, sex and the city, the chris rock show and etc. are all crap just like everything else on tv. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Chris Rock, Louis C.K., Wanda Sykes
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Reviews | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Sounds like Vern got cheated out of a screening of BATTLE ROYALE, and maybe that’s a good thing. He’s a reformed man after being a guest of the state, but who knows what’ll happen when you lay bare the blackest heart of man against man. I’d much rather be in a theater with Vern during a warped little character flick like GHOST WORLD, Terry (CRUMB) Zwigoff’s adaptation of the Daniel Clowes comics. I can’t wait to see this, and thanks to the always-appreciated efforts of Vern, we’re getting a little early peek…
This is a story about an individual named Vern who is standing in an alley outside of the Egyptian theater in Seattle, Washington where the world premiere of a movie is about to take place. There is a line around the building and I’m standing next to this dumpster that smells like piss and I’m thinking, this must be the line for Battle Royale. Battle Royale is this movie everybody’s talking about. It’s this week’s Chopper. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Brad Renfro, Illeana Douglas, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi, Terry Zwigoff, Thora Birch
Posted in AICN, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews, SIFF | No Comments »
Monday, February 19th, 2001
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Vern watches this stuff so you don’t have to. Remember that.
CI2 by Vern, king of straight to video garbage
So here’s the deal friends. The year: 1782. The land: France. An author burdened with the handle Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderlos de Laclos puts the feather to the pulp, or whatever they did back then and over there, and he comes up with a decadent little novel by the name a Les Liaisons Dangereuses. Or Dangerous Liasions, for americans. The novel is about this manipulative gal and the sexual games she plays with this fella Valmont. I’m going to call this gal Catherine Murneaux for the purposes of this piece because that’s what they call her in the movies. Not sure about the novel I’m still catching up on some of the Donald Goines and Iceberg Slim books, working my way towards the pre-French revolution works and what not. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Amy Adams, DTV, DTV sequels, Mimi Rogers, Roger Kumble
Posted in AICN, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
You know how I am, I get out to the real world, I make it my duty to try to catch up on what’s going on in the culture and what not. And I have heard alot about this Adam Sandler, #1 box office star, funny guy, sings songs. Sounds kind of like my man Bruce Willis. Well I don’t wanna be left in the dust so I decided to check the kid out.
I found several to choose from – you got golf, you got babysitting, you got kindergarten, etc. The choice was obvious, Bulletproof. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Adam Sandler, Damon Wayans, Elmer Bernstein, Ernest Dickerson, James Caan
Posted in Action, Comedy/Laffs, Reviews | 7 Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
I’m really gonna get it for this one. I know the ladies and gentlemen of the internet fucking LOVE this movie. It’s one of those few things, like Chow Yun Fat or Bruce Campbell, that NOBODY says a negative word about on the internet. And that’s unusual because there is a LOT of Negativity on the internet in my opinion, I mean I bet Ghandi or Martin Luther King or somebody could have gone on there and get flamed to tears. But anyway…
When I reviewed the Evil Dead pictures, alot of individuals suggested that I would also like Dead Alive. And I guess I can see the connection, but excuse me while I kiss the sky – I’m afraid Dead Alive is no Evil Dead 2 in my opinion. This is a comedy about a guy in New Zealand whose mom gets bit by a half rat half monkey and turns into a zombie. And then the zombie disease starts to spread and what not and I think you can see where this is going, before you know it there is blood spraying everywhere. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Peter Jackson
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Horror, Reviews | 14 Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
I don’t know why it took me this long, but I’ve finally seen the most recent Chucky picture. This one came out on the tenth anniversary of Die Hard as well as the original Chucky picture so it is very special to me.
As some of you know, over there in Japan they are making cartoons for adults, and what they’re doing with Bride of Chucky is doing the same thing for puppets. I think many adults have always wanted to watch a puppet movie but they were too embarrassed unless it had alot of blood and a respectable brand name like Bride of Chucky. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Brad Dourif, Don Mancini, Jennifer Tilly, John Ritter, Katherine Heigl, Peter Pau, Ronny Yu
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Horror, Reviews, Romance, Thriller | 4 Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
This is kind of a misleading title because really it is about ugly drooling guys sitting around in their underwear getting drunk and wishing they could have violent sex with neighbors that won’t even talk to them and that kind of business. Which, in my opinion, is not all that happy. You know how Hollywood usually pretties everybody up? Like even the criminal element in motion pictures, most of the time they are a LOT better looking than anybody I ever worked with. And the same goes for stories, if it’s a true story chances are they’re gonna streamline it, water it down a little, gussy it up a little, make it look nice “for dramatic purposes.” But the truth is there are a lot of ugly motherfuckers in this world, and they do a lot of ugly things, like some of them call up women in the phone book and jack off while they talk about “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’re gonna come out your ears” and what not, and coincidentally that is exactly what this picture is about, Happiness. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Dylan Baker, Jon Lovitz, P.S. Hoffman, Todd Solondz
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews | 2 Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
Well what do you know there are alot of individuals out there who think Vern is an ignorant fuck. He doesn’t know the films of World Cinema, only the latest hollywood crap or at best, the art house darlings. And I mean yeah, most of those individuals are right.
HOWEVER, I must point out that this is my second review IN A ROW of a movie that’s not in English. And this time, most of you motherfuckers probaly haven’t even HEARD of this movie. I mean how many of you could even NAME a movie from Macedonia, let alone review one? (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Christmas, New Year
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Fantasy/Swords, Horror, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit | No Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
Well, in the tradition of Scream 3 I have been watching bad sequels to movies I haven’t even seen in the first place. This is the sequel to Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine which is supposedly a good “spy spoof.” What a spy spoof is for those of you who are too young, they used to have movies like James Bond 007, which is about a secret agent who gets laid ALL the time and goes on adventures around the world and what not, with little devices and what not. You know what I mean. So these james bond pictures were so popular that spy spoofs became a pretty huge genre. What they are is they are in the same style as James Bond but they are a little more campy and fun, more entertaining, funnier, sexier, better, etc. But sometimes you can also take them kind of seriously even though they’re mostly for laughs. For example the best one was the Flint pictures, Our Man Flint and In Like Flint starring James Coburn one of the few who I would want to play me in a movie. This guy is also in 1998 Oscar winner Affliction and 1999 Outlaw Award Winner Payback. Anyway Derek Flint is this secret agent who has a team of beautiful gals working for him, and he flies around the country to teach ballet, he is a master of karate and can meditate so deeply his heart stops. And he has to stop a plan about this evil cold cream I believe. Well I don’t know man, it’s hard to explain to you kids with no context, you don’t know what james bond is obviously you’re not gonna know what the fuck a spy spoof would be like. Sorry. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Fabian, Mario Bava, Vincent Price
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 1 Comment »
