There’s a scene in SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY where Peter Parker (Tom Holland, THE ODYSSEY) sees his high school best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon, THE WRECKING CREW) at the bodega. Ned doesn’t remember him due to a spell Dr. Strange had to do to save the world from multi-dimensional doom (long story, and I don’t remember it), so Peter just watches as he tells the clerk to never let him buy a certain type of energy shot that he’s addicted to. Then he asks to buy one last bottle. Then two.

Yeah, that’s sorta like the MCU these days. We all say we’re over it, then this movie has the biggest opening weekend of all time. It sure doesn’t give me the same kick it once did, but maybe my body craves an approximation, and this will do for now.

I wouldn’t go to bat for BRAND NEW DAY. It’s definitely more of the MCU episodic dilly-dallying and not the compact, standalone cinematic storytelling that used to be the goal. Seems like a lost art in the days of late stage comic book movie – is that why they gave up on doing a new BLADE? But this one has plenty that works, particularly in Peter’s relationships with MJ (Zendaya, THE ODYSSEY) and Frank Punisher (Jon Bernthal, THE ODYSSEY). The love story with MJ has been built up over three previous movies, while his even knowing The Punisher happened (I believe) off screen between movies. But Peter will long for his lost love until they meet again, and he’ll butt heads with his street vigilantism rival until they’re a mismatched buddy pair. One of those classic teams, the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and the severely traumatized mass murdering gun and bomb freak who hides out in a squalid industrial barge.

I struggled a bit with the premise that no one remembers Peter, because it seems very arbitrary when you (by which I mean I) can’t remember if he’s allowed to tell them or not. When it finally got through my thick Punisher-symbol that he could but thinks he’s protecting them by leaving them out of his life I thought oh yeah, like we already saw thoroughly covered in the Sam Raimi movies. But I did enjoy seeing Spidey’s new operations in a ratty attic apartment, his only friends the computer program E.V. (Naomi Watts, TANK GIRL) and the sympathetic cop De Wolff (Liza Colón-Zayas from The Bear – why not?) who he talks to on the phone. Oh, and I guess the entire city of New York. I got a laugh from the scene where he’s chasing a tank, lands on a car and the driver immediately says, “I got you, Spider-Man!” and floors it.

On paper I like the idea of this very dedicated and isolated Spider-Man punishing himself and feeling FOMO and everything. But as soon as the plot puts him together with MJ (even if she doesn’t know who he is) it just feels so much better. Now it’s a Spider-Man movie.

The mystery at hand involves the Marvel Universe agency Damage Control, which has been repeatedly attacked by unknown forces seeking what seems to be a secret weapon of some kind. Spidey witnesses the attacker using a FALLEN or JASON GOES TO HELL type technique, leaping from body to body and possessing them briefly to remain uncatchable. Some of the coolest sequences in the movie involve Spider-Man chasing the entity and seeing a chain of bodies twitching and jerking as they’re taken over in rapid succession.

I guess many people went in knowing who was behind this, but I didn’t, and I enjoyed figuring it out. I also didn’t know that a favorite actor and MCU character would be appearing, but it’s (actor and character who’s appearing spoiler) Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova, who’s in a couple scenes to provide info, be funny and taunt Spider-Man as a small-timer even though she must know he like, helped save the human race and all that with The Avengers. She leads “The New Avengers” as of the end of THUNDERBOLTS so she holds it over him.

The Punisher gives him shit in a less joking way, but they have playful banter as Spidey shoots his webs at the various weapons of mass destruction Frank attempts to use in the middle of New York City. Would it be possible to have a much smarter movie that delves a little into the difference between their philosophies? I think so. Is it funny that he can get away with shooting machine guns in this movie because it’s only at The Hulk? Yes. Their interplay is kinda funny but what’s really funny is that less than three months ago they let Bernthal write, produce and star in a Disney+ Punisher special that’s so different in tone from this that it’s deranged to have them connected. It’s ridiculous. I love that about it.

I enjoyed the “Marvel Television Special Presentation” The Punisher: One Last Kill as a fan of Bernthal and of the various THE PUNISHER movies. He got together with Reinaldo Marcus Green (who directed him in KING RICHARD) and they wrote it together. They got Robert Elswit (THERE WILL BE BLOOD) to be the cinematographer – no big deal.

I was surprised to learn from some podcasts I listen to that (some?) fans of the comics or of Bernthal’s related Netflix show just absolutely fucking despised this special. For some it has to do with disagreements about the handling of the character, and for others it was just about making fun of what they said was Playstation 2 level special effects (actually a practical stunt they saw out of context as a GIF). In all sincerity I’m not entirely sure why they hate the shot so much but even if it was the worst stunt ever done I very politely and respectfully think it’s a dumb thing to get hung up on or discuss for more than 30 seconds.

Basically One Last Kill is a 45-minute mini-movie with two parts to it:

1. Bernthal going to town on the anguish and mental torment of the character, and all the macho actorly shit that entails; grunting and spitting and bleeding and blubbering his way through Frank’s lowest point, hiding out in the projects after massacring a mob family, hallucinating encounters with his dead daughter and war buddies (played by his military consultants) and even his own alter ego, visiting graves and holding guns to his head. Not fun, but I love Bernthal and get a kick out of seeing how in his element he is here. He must’ve been so excited.

2. An extended, Gareth-Evans-influenced action sequence (Second unit director/supervising stunt coordinator: Jude Poyer [Gangs of London, APOSTLE, MAYHEM!, HAVOC]; fight coordinator: Mark Miscione [CREED III].)

The first part begins with Frank in a ratty apartment roaring while doing so many pullups his fingers bleed. Then he pops pills and drinks from a plastic jug of bourbon like it’s a water bottle and pukes in a bucket. Then he punches a mirror. The man is troubled, I believe is the idea. He tears the obsessed-man-collage off his wall ‘cause he’s done with all the revenge. He did it! He’s done! He doesn’t seem satisfied though, not at all. He feels purposeless.

Due to a power vacuum left by the deceased mob family, the streets of Little Sicily are chaotic with dog-murdering thugs, mental health emergencies, robberies and burning police cars. Frank just walks through and ignores it, hiding behind a giant beard and a hoodie when they’re showing his mugshot on TV. But one day he’s coming home and a lady in a wheelchair (Judith Light from Who’s the Boss?) approaches him, knows who he is, says, “I need your help, Frank. You see, my family was taken.”

So it seems like somebody figured out who he is and wants his help with revenge, but as she’s explaining what happened to her family we realize it was definitely Frank who “took” them, it was this mob family we’ve been talking about. But it turns out she knows that. And she spits in his face and tells him at 6:47 pm his location will be shared and “They will come and they will kill you and they will kill anything that gets in their way.” And “they” is every killer and maniac in the area, fighting over a bounty in desperate times. JOHN WICK 3 exommunicado shit.

A couple minutes later he’s in his apartment, there are mobs chopping through doors with machetes, pouring gas under his door and lighting it, he decides to run around with his legs on fire and kill the intruders. So basically The Punisher is being chased by all the area killers at the same time that neighborhood chaos is escalating to full-on riots. He’s not only defending himself, but neighbors like a cafe owner (Andre Royo, RED TAILS) and his family.

Action-wise it’s not just good by Marvel standards, it feels of a piece with some of the better indie action, and there are some enjoyable comeuppances against despicable neo-nazis and shit. But it culminates in him gunning down a bunch of criminals inside the cafe and stabbing a tattooed behemoth with a pen until he gurgles his last breath and coughs blood into his own eye. It earns Frank the gratitude of the owner’s family but it’s so brutal that it really sells the ugliness of violence, even justified violence. It felt to me like the perfect critique of The Punisher. It leaves you thinking this just is not a reasonable way to deal with this problem, this is not gonna fuckin work at all.

So I was really impressed… until I realized that The Punisher did not take the same lesson from it that I did. The ending is that it inspires him to put the costume back on and go on patrol! I guess you can’t really learn the futility of violence if you’re The Punisher and you know you have a Spider-Man movie coming up. It’s so funny to know these were filmed back-to-back! Also it will be funny if the next time we see him in his gritty television universe he’s changed because of what happened that one time with Spider-Man.

BRAND NEW DAY is the first of the MCU Spider-Pictures not directed by Jon Watts (COP CAR), the reins now handed to Destin Daniel Cretton (SHANG-CHI). Surprisingly he does not break the “SHANG-CHI is one of the only well-liked late-Marvel movies and it made a billion dollars but it’s been five years and they haven’t made a sequel or even used the character again” curse. He does, however, randomly include the Daredevil-associated ninja clan The Hand (led by Fan Xiaoshuang, a stunt performer in THE MERMAID, CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON: SWORD OF DESTINY and THE GREAT WALL) so they can have a pretty well done fight against Spider-Man. (Action designer: Christopher Clark Cowan [BAAHUBALI 2: THE CONCLUSION, The Acolyte]. Fight coordinator: Xiangyang Xu, who did stunts in DETECTIVE DEE: THE FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS. Stunt coordinators: Marlow Warrington-Mattei [assistant stunt coordinator, THE ODYSSEY] and Leonard Woodcock [THE KING’S MAN]. Second unit director: Peng Zhang [THE WRATH OF VAJRA]).

I was able to enjoy lots of little bits, and maybe I could appreciate it more if I were able to erase my MCU training, step back and not think of the bigger picture or what this means for the next one. I get stuck on how funny it is that comic book fans were mad at Sam Raimi’s SPIDER-MAN for giving him “organic web shooters” and then thankful to the MCU for going back to the comic book’s idea that they’re a machine he invented, but now this one says “You know what, what if he grew organic web shooters?” I’m just wondering why they want to spend so much time changing their past decision.

When I think about it thematically, though, I like it. As Peter abandons his social life and dedicates himself more to the super hero shit his powers evolve because he’s less man, more spider. He’s fearful of these changes in himself and tries to contain them, but MJ (even without knowing him) gives him good advice about accepting himself.

Similarly, it seemed kind of funny to me that they have a repeated scene about a pep talk he once got from Aunt May (Marisa Tomei, THE WRESTLER), because didn’t they just kill her in the last one? Don’t they want to try having her gone for at least one movie? But then the antagonist intrudes in Peter’s mental space and we see the same scene with her in Peter’s place, and by being in Peter’s shoes she is able to benefit from Aunt May’s counsel. Not bad!

SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY – not bad! But let’s try for “really good” next time.