"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Cosmopolis / Maps To the Stars

Watching MICKEY 17 reminded me that I should create more peace with Canada by finally watching those two movies Robert Pattinson did with David Cronenberg. Since Pattinson is Batman he counts as American now, and these fine Canadian films set in the U.S. have become a beautiful bridge of brotherhood between warring nations. Furthermore, it just so happened that they were the only Cronenberg movies I hadn’t seen. Now that I have seen his full filmography I am complete, and I cannot be stopped. LONG LIVE THE NEW REVIEWS!

COSMOPOLIS (2012) is one of those movies that gets enough exactly right about modern Capitalism ’n Shit that it seems kinda prophetic right now, but also, I’m pretty sure, plenty of other times. It depicts the world of a damaged 1%er freak whose alleged genius is only in relation to the arcane manipulation of international currencies. The way his work is discussed I’m not sure if it’s math or sorcery. As far as I can tell he contributes nothing to the world while taking everything and believing he doesn’t get enough.

Pattinson (THE LIGHTHOUSE) plays Eric Packer, a 28-year-old billionaire who spends most of the movie in his limo trying to get across town for a haircut. His chief of security (Kevin Durand, RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION) tries to talk him out of it because streets are closed for a presidential visit. I like that Eric has to ask which president, like he’s Snake Plissken, but he doesn’t give a fuck for different reasons than Snake Plissken. Also in the news: there are anti-capitalism protests going on, everyone’s on high alert because someone assassinated the head of the IMF on live TV, and there’s a funeral for “the Sufi rap star” Brutha Fez (K’naan). Eric is very sad to learn of his death because “I love his music. I have his music in my elevator.”

He doesn’t mind being in the car. It’s where he holds meetings, talks about buying Rothko paintings/has sex with his art consultant Didi (Juliette Binoche, GHOST IN THE SHELL), has his daily doctor’s appointment and makes intense lusty eyes at an associate while having his prostate examined. It’s not LOCKE, he does make stops at stores, cafes and bars, has sex with a bodyguard (Patricia McKenzie, THE PHANTOM [2009]) in an actual bed, meets with his wife Elise (Sarah Gadon, between Brandon Cronenberg’s ANTIVIRAL and Denis Villeneuve’s ENEMY), a poet from another rich family who he’s cold to, and she always smells sex on him, but he always claims it’s something else.

There’s a dead rat motif. Protesters throwing them at his car, or in restaurants. This is the only movie Samantha Morton (SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK) has done with Cronenberg, which is surprising. It’s also the only one Jay Baruchel (TROPIC THUNDER) has done with him, which is less surprising, but he does star in Caitlin Cronenberg’s movie HUMANE. I’ll have to watch that. (He’s in one scene at the beginning here as Eric’s cyber-security guy.)

I like the surprise that when Eric does get to the barber it’s not some fancy-ass place, he just goes there because the barber knew his dad. The kind of barber you can get a gun from. In the middle of the haircut he suddenly decides he has to leave, so (like Paper Boi in one of my favorite episodes of Atlanta) he goes around with his hair only half cut.

A couple people are trying to murder him, including a guy known as The Pastry Assassin (Mathieu Amalric, THE EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURES OF ADELE BLANC-SEC) and a guy who lives in an abandoned building where there’s no plumbing but he can use the toilet because “There’s a hole below the fixture. I knocked a hole in the floor. And I positioned the toilet so that one hole fits over the other.”

That guy turns out to be less of a Luigi Mangione than an Edward Nygma (BATMAN FOREVER version), a disgruntled former employee who knows that Eric doesn’t know his name. He’s played by Paul Giamatti (PAST MIDNIGHT) in one of those big-name-actor-shows-up-very-late-in-the-movie-and-you-remember-yep-that-guy-is-fucking-good type roles. He had something to do with this currency speculation business and they seem to bond over the fact that they both “couldn’t figure out the yuan.” Might be the happiest we’ve seen either of them when they discuss it.

As much as I like all this I had more trouble getting involved in it than most Cronenberg films, and I think it’s down to the very stylized dialogue. Eric likes to split up his statements by putting a question in the middle:

“A haircut has what? Associations.”

or

“That I’m a powerful person who chooses not to demarcate his territory with singular driblets of piss is what? Something I need to apologize for?”

or

“Ten to the minus ninth power. This is what? One billionth of a second.”

or

“Technology is crucial to civilization, why? Because it helps us to make our fate.”

Sometimes he sounds like Yoda: “The situation is what?” “You do this why?” Every character speaks like what? Philosophers. And why? Because it’s based on a book (by Don DeLillo). It’s obviously an intentional artistic choice and it’s Cronenberg’s right as a Canadian to do it, but for me it’s too distancing, adding one too many layers of artificiality to a world that’s intentionally heightened but poetically accurate. I think this was one of the breakthroughs where people started to realize Pattinson was more than just a dreamboat, and I do think he handles the challenging dialogue pretty well, but he has been much better in subsequent roles, including a smaller part in Cronenberg’s follow-up.


I’m glad I watched these two in order because MAPS TO THE STARS (2014) was way more my speed, a worthy final-Cronenberg-blindspot. This one is the nightmarish Cronenberg portrait of Hollywood, complete with the young starstruck dreamer arriving in town by bus, finding her way into an orbit of superstars, alternative therapists and aspirers. Played by Mia Wasikowska (ROGUE), Agatha turns out to have way more going on than we realized, but she still works as a weird social-media-age perversion of that fresh-faced-wannabe-starlet archetype.

She rents a limo to tour Hollywood, and hey, whaddaya know, the driver Jerome is played by Robert Pattinson (GOOD TIME), so just like in COSMOPOLIS he gets to spend much of the movie in a limo (and have sex in it again, but not a prostate exam). He’s a completely different character, though, a mostly passive one whose expressions betray amusement or skepticism of the crazy shit people tell him, while letting it roll by without comment. He’s the movie’s face of normalcy, just a regular Hollywood dude who wants to be an actor and writer but has to work for the people actually doing it.

Agatha asks about getting a star map, and if he’s ever driven any celebrities. He thinks about it and comes up with Tatum O’Neal, Chuck Lorre and Juliette Lewis. She blurts that she knows Carrie Fisher. “I met her on Twitter. Yeah, we became, like, really good friends.” Fisher (SORORITY ROW) later shows up in the movie as herself and it’s ambiguous how much she might have been pestered on Twitter, but she does in fact know Agatha enough to ask the famous actress Havana Segrand (Julianne Moore, ASSASSINS) to interview her for the personal assistant job she has open.

Havana is worried she’s a has-been, looking for a comeback, and thinks she could even get an Oscar if hotshot director Damien Javitz (Gord Rand, Orphan Black) would cast her in his edgy reimagining of STOLEN WATERS. The original starred her mother Clarice Taggart, who she lives in the shadow of. And also the trauma of, since she says she was abused by her, and also since she died young in a fire. We see Clarice in beautiful black and white movie clips as well as in hallucinations, and she’s played by Sarah Gadon (DRACULA UNTOLD). That’s cool because Gadon played superstar Hanna Geist in Brandon Cronenberg’s debut ANTIVIRAL (but had already been in A DANGEROUS METHOD).

Agatha gets the assistant job and is better at it than I expected. It involves picking up groceries and prescriptions, and literally requires smelling Havana’s shit (talking to her while she’s on the john). I’m afraid we must face that according to the movie that part of the job might be desirable to someone – there’s a scene where a teen star (Justin Kelly, Degrassi) tells his friends what he thinks is a funny story about a teamster selling sewage from his trailer to an obsessive fan.

Agatha seems to be a pretty likely suspect to stalk somebody, and she is, but not in the same way we first assume. What we don’t know at first (SPOILER) is that she’s the sister of child sitcom star Benjie Weiss (Evan Bird, The Killing). They’re not close because she’s been in a mental hospital since drugging him and burning down their house (also the cause of the burns on her face and body). Their mother Cristina (Olivia Williams, THE POSTMAN) fears Agatha but shows Benjie love by acting as his fierce manager and embracing him as he pukes in a stylish urinal. Their dad Stafford Weiss (John Cusack, DRAGON BLADE) is a doctor/author famous from infomercials who does some kind of intense massage/regression therapy with Havana, so he finds out Agatha is in town and gets a restraining order.

I like that Cusack has this one great Cronenberg role – he fits so well, both his corny ramblings about the Dalai Lama and his sinister side. He vapes at the dinner table and during sessions wears all black including those shoes that have toes.

Cronenberg in interviews is a funny guy, but I don’t think his movies usually are. This one is a definite exception. I especially realized that when Benjie visits a dying fan (Kiara Glasco) in the hospital. When she praises his hit comedy BAD BABYSITTER he starts shooting off box office figures, then directs his producer to get her swag and an iPad Mini. He’s fresh out of rehab, filming the highly anticipated sequel and ends up having a bitter grudge against four year old co-star Roy (Sean Robertson) for stealing a scene by saying the word “vabina.” There’s something hilarious about a teenage Frankie Muniz lookalike not knowing how to let go of his fury against a little innocent freckle faced boy, and the poor kid doesn’t know how to handle it.

It’s definitely a puzzling story with much to read into it. Its motifs include dying in a fire, stolen rings, being haunted by ghosts and, for some reason, brother-sister incest. I really don’t know what to make of that last one, but overall this makes perfect sense as a portrait of Hollywood through the eyes of David Cronenberg.

Like COSMOPOLIS, MAPS TO THE STARS fits right into Cronenberg World while being the distinct work of its author, Bruce Wagner, the novelist who also wrote Wild Palms, both the graphic novel and its mini-series adaptation. More importantly he co-wrote an early draft of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS with Wes Craven, and shares a story credit for it. That also led to him playing the executioner in SHOCKER. He failed to kill Horace Pinker, but he succeeded in giving Cronenberg something perfect to work with 40 years into his career.

 

 

 

This entry was posted on Friday, April 11th, 2025 at 1:38 pm and is filed under Reviews, Drama. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

21 Responses to “Cosmopolis / Maps To the Stars”

  1. Cronenberg’s weirdly clinical and alienated style is a good fit for sci-fi/horror movies. I’m less sold on the use of this approach for a more realistic drama, especially when the subject matter seems to demand a more seething, aggressive, Scorsese-esque approach. So I found COSMOPOLIS a bit of a chore. To me Paul Giamatti was the only cast member who managed to seem like a real person rather than a robotic authorial mouthpiece.

    But I appreciate that it was weird, so at least I remember it. MAPS TO THE STARS is the only Cronenberg movie that I genuinely remember nothing about despite being pretty sure I’ve seen it. I don’t think I’ve ever much liked “Hollywood criticizes Hollywood” satires and I don’t have much interest in celebrity culture anyway, so this movie might simply have had nothing to connect or stick with me.

    However I remember John Waters liking it – his pull quote said he loved it as much as his own mustache – and that plus this review would seem to suggest that I should maybe give it another try.

  2. I rarely give up on a movie once I’ve started it, but I couldn’t make it ten minutes into COSMOPOLIS. It’s in the illustrious company of THE GREASY STRANGLER, HENRY FOOL, and STEPBROTHERS, singular works that proudly announce right at the beginning the style and tone with which they mean to continue, so if you’re not immediately onboard then there’s really no reason to go any further. When a movie tells you who it is, believe it. Right from the first scene, COSMOPOLIS felt exactly like Don DeLilo, in that it wasn’t so much about people as it was about WASPy alien robots espousing viewpoints at each other. I fucking *hate* Don DeLilo, so ten minutes was all it took to make me slide COSMOPOLIS back into that white Netflix sleeve and send it home. I hated those ten minutes so much that I thought for a while there that Cronenberg and I were done, professionally, so I skipped MAPS TO THE STARS (and will probably continue to do so, if I’m being honest) but CRIMES OF THE FUTURE won me back. I’m okay with these two movies (plus A DANGEROUS METHOD) remaining my Cronenberg blind spots.

  3. Maps To the Stars was trashed and I have no idea why. My biggest problem with it was one REALLY bad cg effect, but I pretty much agree with my viewing companion who said “I never expected a movie by David Cronenberg about the soullessness of hollywood to be genuinely moving”

    Cosmopolis is trickier. First, I saw it the same day as Holy Motors which was very odd timing (not totally my fault as the were released very close to each other. Limos were having a moment). I suppose if there is indeed a midway point between Bertolt Brecht and Bret Easton Ellis, Cosmopolis is it. The book is pretty not good, and the movie is actually better than the book deserves. But I’m not sure if it ever rose above ‘interesting’

  4. I liked A DANGEROUS METHOD aka FREUD VS JUNG: DAWN OF THERAPY. It’s a movie I still think about once in a while. It’s more of a typical period drama, other than it’s about psychologists and there is some sex in it. The subject matter is interesting enough that I probably would have watched it even if I wasn’t a Cronenbergist. So I think that one’s worth catching up with.

  5. Count me a big team Cronenberg guy, although I will admit that I love most of his earlier, bloodier films more than most of the recent stuff.

    As an aside, Cronenberg has always had a bit of a side hustle as a supporting/character actor – if you get the chance hunt out a little Canadian noir film from 2019 called DISAPPEARANCE AT CLIFTON HILL, where he plays a weird treasure hunter and conspiracy theorist, it’s an odd little cameo in a nifty little character driven mystery film, that manages to pretty accurately capture the grimy, seedy, backstreet glory of Niagara Falls.

  6. Miguel, you may or may not know that Cronenberg actually had a recurring role in STAR TREK DISCOVERY. He said he basically did it because it was shot in Toronto, he had nothing else to do at that time and it was originally more a one-off kind of thing. Say what you want about modern day TREK, but none of the old shows ever gave us a scene where David Cronenberg had a conversation with Michelle Yeoh.

    I remember that there was a downright outcry over Cronenberg’s casting or Robert Pattinson, who, just like Kirsten Stewart, were seen as horrible actors with no future, thanks to their obviously phoned-in performances in TWILIGHT, so you gotta hand it to Cronenberg for giving him a chance to escape typecasting.

    This chapter in Cronenberg’s career was kinda odd, wasn’t it? The only other time I saw a popular autheur falling out of favour with critics, audiences and even his own fans like that, was when Kevin Smith started a public feud with critics and made for a few years only movies based on in-jokes from his podcasts.

  7. ROGUE link goes to Megan Fox ROGUE, not crocodile ROGUE ;)

  8. I had know idea that Cronenberg was in a STAR TREK show, or really even that Michelle Yeoh was in a STAR TREK show. TV science fiction is about as far from my interests as can be, but I might have to YouTube it just to watch a Cronenberg/Yeoh interaction.

    I must admit I’m not quite as sold on Robert Pattinson as an actor as I am Kirsten Stewart. To know one’s surprise I’m also blissfully ignorant of the TWILIGHT movies. In the early 2000s my work would take me all over the world to metropolitan areas for 4 – 6 months at a time, and as a way to keep up my academic side I would frequently sign up for a community college/public education class or two. I decided on an English Lit course covering (it claimed) horror/fantasy. Right before the classes started the prof emailed a reading list that included the first TWILIGHT book. I tried to read it, and it did not go well. I was literally aghast as the truly inept level of ‘writing’ on display. While I have limited exposure even to the Harry Potter books, what little I’ve read of them and even bits of the Hunger Games series of novels, at least they show signs of a modicum of skill from the writers, but man TWILIGHT was, I don’t know what to call it other than the worst writing I’ve been exposed to.

    Long story short – my exposure to both Stewart and Pattinson never came through TWILIGHT, so they didn’t have to overcome anything in my mind. I actually was super impressed with her work in PANIC ROOM, and then when she emerged in the mid 2015s with roles in movies like CERTAIN WOMEN and CAFE SOCIETY/PERSONAL SHOPPER and SEBERG I really took notice. And to me LOVE LIES BLEEDING is maybe the most overlooked film of 2024.

    I think Stewart and Emma Stone are the two best actresses under 40 working right now. Stone especially has really taken off since BIRDMAN.

    Pattinson is a little less impressive in my mind. I think by far his best work has been the Cronenberg joints and he was really good in THE LOST CITY OF Z and THE LIGHTHOUSE, but I’m just not impressed by turns in pseudo blockbusters like MICKEY 17 and TENET. And the less said about THE BATMAN (I know, I know I’m in the very small minority here) the better. I’m intrigued by what he’s got cooking with Lynne Ramsey – DIE MY LOVE, she’s one of my favourite filmmakers, and the novel it’s based on is f****** brilliant. Maybe it will be a breakout role for him.

  9. I remember really enjoying “Cosmopolis”, even if it proved challenging to get on the movie’s wavelength. It felt a little bit like an Olivier Assayas movie (Vern, have you reviewed Assayas? I see you tackled Demonlover, but I think that one deserves fresh eyes https://outlawvern.com/2003/06/11/demonlover/), so I liked the bob and weave it took to really understand what was happening. And then Giamatti showed up, and I got so excited because I like him and… everything beyond that was absolute gibberish to me, like I suddenly fell into Barton Fink’s mind for a bit there. It deserves a second chance, though I also have to get around to Maps To The Stars, which had been playing peek-a-boo with streaming services.

  10. A lot of Maps To The Stars is based on bits of Wild Palms that didn’t get adapted from the comic into the TV version – including Carrie Fisher!

  11. I liked both of these films more than most people seemed to, especially Maps to the Stars. Shrouds is one of my most anticipated films of this year, I hope it gets a release here.

    I believe a lot of the dialogue in Cosmopolis is taken directly from the book. I should rewatch it, I haven’t seen it since it came out.

  12. Vern:

    If you’re looking for more Canadian content you should take a look at Quebecois filmmaker Denys Arcand. He’s sort of regarded as the godfather of Canadian filmmakers, on any top ten list of Canadian films he’s always got one of the top 3 movies. His best known – THE DECLINE OF THE AMERICAN EMPIRE, JESUS OF MONTREAL, THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS form as sort of loose trilogy, with films 1 and 3 being thematically more tightly connected. As a French – Canadian his films very much deal with the isolation, resilience of spirit and anger that the French (especially the well off, well educated liberals that he writes about) feel as a minority in Canada, but majority in Quebec. They can be very interesting from a certain viewpoint when it comes to colonization and colonialism. I would certainly consider THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS his finest movie.

    Of further interest might be a couple of his earliest films – DIRTY MONEY and GINA – two of his earliest film from the early 1970s – made before his serious/more famous arthouse work. These two flicks are pure ‘Canuxploitation,’ winter grindhouse masterpieces. Violent, exploitive but full of bravo filmmaking, obviously the work of a director heading to bigger things. GINA is particularly good – set in a remote, small town in Quebec, in the winter of course, it follows a tough stripper, a documentary film crew (based on Arcana’s work as a doc filmmaker) and an of course violent, hell raising snowmobile gang (of course.) It’s a winner.

    teaser trailer:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV4LtU0LFWk

    The film still has the greatest automobile/snowmobile chase ever filmed!

    Last note – Vinegar Syndrome distributes Blu-rays of a nice selection of the best ‘Canuxploitation’ films, including the above two. There are a number of other nasty little films available, including a really good one called EAST END HUSTLE.

    From the great white north.

  13. Holy shit, Miguel, GINA sounds like a movie I need to inject directly into my eyeballs. I am of French-Canadian descent, and though I have never been there, I feel a kinship deep in my blood when I see Québécois content. The ever-present snow, the mustached men smoking in fur coats… I imagine what my life would be like if my ancestors hadn’t cursed me to live in this forsaken land of Anglais arrogance. If I had to fight a snowmobile gang every now and then, well, that’s a price I’m willing to pay.

  14. Thanks Miguel. I have noticed the Canadian International Pictures blu-ray label putting out some interesting looking stuff I had never heard of, including DIRTY MONEY and GINA I believe. I think you’ve convinced me to check out the latter.

  15. Vern, I would like to recommend a not-very-promising-sounding title called THE DOG WHO STOPPED THE WAR. It’s from 1984, and it’s about a snowball fight that escalates. It has the greatest snowfort of all time, absolutely no one is ever depicted without a tuque, and it kind of feels like that recent movie RIDDLE OF FIRE. I also see a little kinship to 36.14 CODE PERE NOEL in its straight-faced, absolutely-not-winking-at-the-audience reframing of adult action/war film cliches with little kid protagonists. I’m not selling it very well, but maybe this video of the theme song will do a better job:

    https://youtu.be/IquTmhAsH2k?si=L5RyhuAGSeQToePo

  16. If anyone is interested, my quick and dirty list of best Canadian films would include:

    1. Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner / ᐊᑕᓈᕐᔪᐊᑦ – this is a completely Inuit (less pc Eskimo) made film, a completely unique immersion in a foreign culture, about 2 brothers. A landmark of both Canadian and World Cinema.
    2. Stories We Tell: Canadian icon (and all round magnificent human being) Sarah Polley made the documentary about her family. A film that completely revisions and reinvents the very idea of a narrative non-fiction film. NOTE – Canada’s National Film Board (NFB) – a government funded institution designed to foster creative filmmaking maintains a website where every single work created via taxpayer money is freely available, including this film. It’s a great resource.

    Both 1 & 2 our true works of art, singular film achievements that would rank on any of the greatest movies ever made lists.

    3. I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing – sort of a Canadian version of Chantal Ackerman’s films.

    Also note – I haven’t necessarily listed the greatest films by a Canadian filmmaker – because I’ve left off work by obvious filmmakers like Cronenberg, Cameron, Egoyan, Villeneuve etc., trying to focus on 3 movies with specific ‘Canadianness.’

    A Last link is to a Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) list of the 50 greatest that is more all encompassing and takes into account films the likes of Cronenberg, Cameron etc. it’s pretty fair, I don’t have a lot of quibbles with it:

    http://www.cbc.ca/artsprojects/50greatestfilms

  17. I’d recommend Criterion Channel for many mentioned above, but for some reason, they just underwent some sort of ‘Canadian clearance’ in the past couple of months. Getting rid of Mermaids Singing, a bunch of Egoyan, etc

    I don’t want to say it’s tariffs, but…

  18. I am disappointed that STRANGE BREW does not appear on that CBC list. It should be at or near the top.

  19. I shit you not – tonight at 9PM one of Canada’s national cable movie channels is running Canadian movies all night across all four of it’s channels and some of the movies are – STRANGE BREW, THE BROOD, BLACK CHRISTMAS – and the most Canadian of them all – a documentary about a teenage girls curling team’s pursuit of the National championship called CURL POWER – which I will PVR because curling is the both the greatest televised sport and also (secretly) Canada’s true national pastime. STRANGE BREW has the prime time 9PM slot.

    Hardcore.

    And if people are looking for a further insight into Canada – given all the freakout over Trump and his annexation threats, and the turmoil it caused in Canada’s politics, the French language debate between Prime Minister contenders was also this evening, but it’s start time was moved to earlier in the night so as to not conflict with a very important Montreal Canadians hockey game, that everyone would watch instead of a debate about the possible future of the country.

    Oh, Canada.

  20. My favourite piece of Canadian popculture is still the stoner splatter comedy series TODD & THE BOOK OF PURE EVIL.

  21. Miguel: Thank you for bringing GINA to my attention. I loved every second of it. A sleazy exploitation thriller, a hangout movie, a feminist statement, a parable about labor, a movie where a filthy rapist gets Donkey Konged with an oil barrel while taking a piss. Awesome music, great acting, lovable and hittable characters in equal proportions, a beautifully hideous setting, cathartic violence, climactic mulching, sudden mariachis. Plus the best Skidoo chase AND the best game of pool in cinema history. What else could you want in a movie? I feel proud to be French-Canadian-American.

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