Archive for July, 2008

Army of One

Sunday, July 27th, 2008

Recently I was discussing the upcoming James Bond movie with some buddies. I was joking that the trailer should say “from the director of FINDING NEVERLAND.” That dude’s movies are all over the map, but nothing ever hinted that he would end up directing a 007 movie. One of my buddies said that it didn’t really matter that he didn’t do action because usually the action in Bond movies is shot by a second unit guy named Vic Armstrong.

(I looked it up, and Armstrong actually hasn’t worked on the Daniel Craig ones, but he was stunt coordinator and/or 2nd unit director for DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, TOMORROW NEVER DIES and NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN and stunt double for 3 other Bond movies.)

A couple days later I was reading an article by Moriarty about Rob Cohen and THE MUMMY 3: DRAGON TOMB EMPEROR ETC. In this article he goes into a whole thing about how Vic Armstrong was the stunt coordinator and stunt double for the first three Indiana Jones movies, but didn’t do KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL for mysterious reasons, and is getting revenge by doing ROB COHEN’S M3 instead. (more…)

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Ricochet

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

I think I saw this movie back when it came out and I remember it just being ridiculous, but seeing it again I thought it was a good ridiculous. The movie begins with a melodramatic Hitchcock style credit sequence, but then cuts straight to Denzel Washington, Ice-T and Kevin Pollack playing very aggressive basketball on a playground. As far as I know this one is one of only a handful of movies in all of cinematic history that begin with those three guys playing street ball.

I like this scene because it very quickly sets up most of the major players in the movie while also establishing just why the movie is cool. For one thing, the director is Russell RAZORBACK Mulcahy, video director turned movie director who is fond of fancy hotshot camerawork. But this is 1991, still firmly in the naive days when a director followed a code of honor that they were expected to provide visual clues to the audience to understand what the fuck is going on. For some of you younger individuals it’s probaly hard to imagine, but the camera is flying around in such a way that it enhances your enjoyment of the movie, instead of pissing you off. This starts in the basketball scene with the camera somehow following right behind Denzel as he weaves through the other players and slam dunks.

In this one scene we learn that Denzel is a cop and law school student, Pollack is his partner, Ice-T is a childhood friend who he is distancing himself from because he’s a criminal, and Victoria Dillard is a girl Denzel has his eye on (who will become his wife). More importantly though what this scene establishes is that this is young, arrogant, show-offy, charming Denzel. It’s after MO’ BETTER BLUES but before MALCOLM X, so he’s got the chops but not the expectations. And he’s applying that talent to a character in an over-the-top b-movie thriller. His character is named Nick Styles, if that gives you an idea. (more…)

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The Day Lincoln Was Shot

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

I am not a history buff. I am not highly educated. I don’t necessarily have what you would call “a curious mind” when it comes to history. And I don’t really dig on civil war movies. It all just seems like a bunch of dudes running around in muddy fields yelling and stabbing. But for some reason lately I caught a weird case of interest in that era. I don’t know man, I understand that slavery was a way of life for those people and they were raised to be racist, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around that whole concept. How can somebody be willing to die to take away somebody’s freedom? How can that be the thing you really believe in?

I just don’t get it. But so much of that conflict still echoes in our lives today: in race relations, class relations, politics, institutionalized racism, relations between different regions of the country. So it’s important shit.

My interest started with John Brown. He was a white dude but he was an abolitionist, and you could say a terrorist. He was real religious and at a certain point in his life he decided that if he really believed in God he couldn’t stand for slavery and would dedicate his life to ending it. He led an attack on an armory, hoping to spark a slave uprising. He probaly could’ve gotten away but he let himself be arrested because he thought going on trial and being executed would do more for the cause. And he was right: many (including Frederick Douglass) credit his raid as the incident that led to the Civil War. So his sacrifice led to the end of slavery. (more…)

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7/20/08 Part 2

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

If you’re not that into Batman but you enjoy Anthony Edwards and/or Lance Henriksen, here is a review of their 1992 buddy cop movie DELTA HEAT.

P.S. I already saw the Batman movie again, I believe that makes me a nerd. Earlier in the week I saw the Indiana Jones again and I must admit that I still loved it. I guess I’m out of touch with today’s tastes. But if you really want to go through with this pretending you like THE MUMMY 3 better thing more power to you.

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Delta Heat

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

DELTA HEAT is a somewhat entertaining buddy movie from ‘92. It’s kind of like RUSH HOUR but instead of Chris Tucker as a wiseass LA cop it’s Anthony Edwards as a wiseass LA cop, and instead of Jackie Chan as a Hong Kong inspector it’s Lance Henriksen as a crazy ex-cop New Orleans swamp rat. And instead of doing kung fu he has a hook hand (bitten by a gator, of course). Actually it’s kind of like RUSH HOUR 2 but instead of going to Hong Kong they go to New Orleans.

Edwards gets into town just in time to find out that his par†ner who got there before him is already dead and even got his heart cut out. So so far this investigation is not going well. They had followed a “designer drug” to its source which, according to the partner in his last payphone call, was a guy named Antoine something. Turns out the name belongs to a killer who Henriksen burned alive the same day he got bit by that gator and decided to leave the force. So Edwards is sent to him for tips and after the customary period of buddy rejection they team up to solve the case. Lance cuts his swamp dreadlocks and rejoins society with a leather jacket on his back and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

You know, come to think of it it’s kind of like MONEY TALKS, because one buddy is clearly more likable and enjoyable to watch than the other. Who is more interesting to you: Lance Henriksen with a Cajun accent and hook hand, or Anthony Edwards with a dangly earring? The introduction of Edwards’ dumbass character is perfect. Somebody’s carrying his luggage into the hotel for him and he snaps, “Careful with that – there’s a laptop in there!”

(you’ll also get a good 1992 laugh when you see one of the cops talking on a brick-sized cell phone) (more…)

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7/20/08

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

Ladies and gentlemen, Vern in association with Geocities is proud to present the internet’s one millionth rave review of THE DARK KNIGHT. When I wrote it a bunch of balloons fell out of the ceiling and I won a set of Batman stationary. And in other highly anticipated sequel news I have a review of THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL starring Wesley Snipes.

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The Dark Knight

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

I got an email from Scott L. requesting a review of THE DARK KNIGHT, because he’s seen all these HYPERBOLIC!!!!!!!! reviews that have been springing up on all the websights and thought I might be a good outsider perspective to temper his expectations. I was happy to oblige because I liked the BATMAN BEGINS movie so I was already planning to see this one at a midnight show with a bunch of kids dressed up as the joker and jacked up on Monster and Mountain Dew High Voltage.

This story is about Batman, the caped vigilante of Gotham City, who is trying to stop some crime. There are many other characters such as Bruce Wayne, etc. I won’t give away who is Batman because I’m gonna try not to have spoilers. Also if you were a little confused because “Batman” is not in the title you are not alone. I kept wondering “is this a Batman movie?” Pretty weird.

Okay, disregard that last paragraph, that was just typing practice. Scott L., I have failed you. Although I haven’t read too many of the other reviews, I’m guessing I loved it at least as much as those weiners. THE DARK KNIGHT is a hell of a movie. It’s not so much a comic book movie as a super hero procedural. They took Batman and the Joker and put them in an epic crime drama – I thought Michael Mann more than I thought Tim Burton. Hell, Batman even talks like Clint Eastwood. It’s only slightly about people in funny costumes punching each other – mostly it’s about a cooperative effort between the well-funded vigilante, the head of the Major Crimes Unit of the police department, the district attorney’s office and the mayor, with the goal of breaking the back of organized crime and giving hope to the citizens of Gotham, showing them that not everything is corrupt and broken. (more…)

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The Art of War II: Betrayal

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

Vern asks Why Watch Dark Knight when you could be watching…

Well it looks like this week is Nerd Hanukkah, when everybody freaks out about the new Batman movie and then they go to San Diego and they seem to open presents every day. I’m not clear what exactly it is they do there but it apparently involves comic books and occasionally Halle Berry or Charlize Theron or somebody. There will be alot of exciting posters passed out or something and lots of exciting news will be broken about some movie or other. You’ll be hearing about your star treks and your hobbits and your Iron Man part 2s and what not. But there is one sequel that you won’t be hearing jack shit about there unless you are currently sitting there reading this article. Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I got the exclusive inside scoop on a movie and the title alone is gonna knock your god damn socks off. Your socks are gonna tear right through your fuckin Captain America boots, fly across the room and land on a table where somebody from some Dr. Who spinoff is signing autographs.

There’s only one thing to do, I gotta spit it out: THE ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL. Starring WESLEY GOD DAMN SNIPES. (more…)

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Tropic Thunder

Monday, July 14th, 2008

TROPIC THUNDER pretty much won me over only a few seconds in when I realized that the rapper character played by Brandon T. Jackson called himself “Alpa Chino.” Completely ridiculous and totally plausible. So many rappers are obsessed with SCARFACE, CARLITO’S WAY and THE GODFATHER, and so many name themselves after notorious figures: Capone, Noreaga, Moriarty, Scarface, Rick Ross, Freeway, 50 Cent, Beanie Sigel, Irv Gotti, Young Gotti, Daz Dillinger, Kenn Starr, Jim Jones, Hittler. And I seriously only made up two of those names. So the possibility of Alpa Chino’s Booty Sweat Energy Drink actually existing is so likely that I think most of the crowd really wasn’t sure if the movie had started or if this was a real advertisement.

And that’s one tiny example of why this movie worked for me. Personally I consider parody as it’s usually done to be one of the lower artforms, somewhere below smooth jazz and novelty answering machine messages. I haven’t watched any of these MEET THE SPARTANS type movies (I had to wash my hair that day I think) or the SCARY MOVIE generation before that, or the one where Leslie Nielsen dresses up as Braveheart. I won’t even watch those thumb movies like THUMB WARS, BAT-THUMB or THUMMO. I did watch WALK HARD and I kind of enjoyed it, there were alot of good laughs in it and of course John C. Reilly was good, but for me just being a funny parody doesn’t usually hold together as an actual movie.

TROPIC THUNDER isn’t really in that category – it’s a bunch of parodies within a satire within a meta-something or other that has been ritualistically devoured by a larger parody. But the parody aspects work because they’re so accurate. Ben Stiller, after spending most of this century dabbling in mediocrity, comes back to directing with guns fuckin blazin. This is Ben Stiller, director of CABLE GUY, as opposed to Ben Stiller, the guy who agreed of his own free will to star in NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 1&2. (more…)

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Hit List

Monday, July 14th, 2008

Here’s a VHS only action piece from director William Lustig, who I got some respect for due to the sleazy horror movie MANIAC and the badass Robert Forster revenge thriller VIGILANTE. (whoah, I never realized how similar those two titles are.) This one is closer to VIGILANTE although it was a work-for-hire deal for Lustig and not his usual New York-based independent filmmaking.

Basically this is the story of a regular guy whose kid is mistakenly kidnapped and he tries to get him back. I thought because of the title that he would have a list of people to get revenge on, but really he’s just going after this one guy who has his kid.

Like VIGILANTE alot of the fun is in the ridiculous way the story unfolds. There’s this mobster (Leo Rossi) who gets busted and the feds are trying to get him to turn over on his mentor (Rip Torn!). Torn has a badass hired killer to take care of any potential prosecution witnesses, so the feds have Rossi and his son cooped up in a suburban house. But the phone is tapped so the killer is dispatched to this address.

Meanwhile, our hero’s son is having trouble being picked on by bullies. His “Uncle Brian” (Harold Sylvester in a Steve James-style thankless role as the badass African-American friend who gets killed immediately) teaches him a few karate moves. Then he shuts the door too hard and the 9 on their address flips over to look like a 6. So the killer comes to the wrong house, shoots Uncle Brian and mom and kidnaps who he thinks is Rossi’s son. (more…)

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