Well the award season has finally came and went and it turns out there is no surprises. American Beauty won everything, Fight Club won nothing, and that Billy Crystal motherfucker hasn’t come up with a new joke since Running Scared. I mean jesus how do they find these comedy stars. Motherfucker keeps making jokes about the show is too long – hello jackass, if we cut out all the jokes about how long it is it wouldn’t be long at all. Not to mention all the forced pop culture references – who wants to be a millionaire, etc. I’ve been out of the picture for almost a decade I still could’ve predicted this bitch’s jokes with a calculator and a couple issues of Entertainment Weekly.
I also watched the Independent Spirit Awards on the old Bravo channel, and those were more where I’m coming from in my opinion. But the difference comedy wise is this. On the Oscars, they cut to people in the audience laughing their asses off at the stalest jokes imaginable. I mean these people are being too nice, you could be up there reading Marmaduke and they’d be laughing like you were Richard Pryor. (read the rest of this shit…)
VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.