I reviewed THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991) once already, 15 years ago. Though I think I described some things about it pretty well, I was at somewhat of a snooty wiseass stage in my critic’s journey, and I was more dismissive of it than I should’ve been. Despite that I remembered it being a pretty good movie, and I’d been wanting to rewatch it for a while, so this last November, when BWolfe asked in the comments, “Can you re-review this? I feel like you’d give it a much better shake now,” I knew he was right.
(Bruce)
This Joel Silver production is a collaboration/clash between director Tony Scott (coming off of DAYS OF THUNDER) and screenwriter Shane Black (after being replaced on LETHAL WEAPON 2). Those guys making a Bruce Willis movie is about as all-star action as it got in 1991, and had Bruce and Silver known how the release of HUDSON HAWK was gonna go earlier in that year they would’ve been even more eager to sow they could still blow people through the back walls of theaters. (read the rest of this shit…)
RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II was a phenomenon. And an unlikely one. It’s right there in the title: FIRST BLOOD PART II? How the hell do you do a FIRST BLOOD PART II?
Sure, the makers of FIRST BLOOD famously went with the ending where Rambo didn’t die, as he did in David Morrell’s book. But the character doesn’t exactly lend himself to a rousing second adventure. He wasn’t your typical action movie protagonist, a hero who comes along and saves the day. He was a drifter who was mistreated and fought back hard. Went on a rampage. Single-handedly waged a war against law enforcement (one guy died falling off a helicopter), wrecked a whole town, finally broke down about his experiences in the war and then turned himself in. A great movie because of its simple, character-driven story mechanisms, emotional center and excellent, largely internal and physical (and finally blubbering) performance by Sylvester Stallone.
So what’s Rambo gonna do, get out of prison, try to go straight, and get hassled by some other sheriff? Nope. They figured we got a perfect killing machine, let’s plug it in. Let him out for a dangerous mission, a one-man DIRTY DOZEN.
“There was some criticism that I made NASA look dumb in certain places. In fact if you heard some of these asteroid theories of what they are thinking of doing, it just sounds asinine.” –Michael Bay
ARMAGEDDON is Michael Bay’s third movie, but in some sense it’s the one where he revealed his true face to the world. There were plenty of examples of his style and character in BAD BOYS and THE ROCK, but it was ARMAGEDDON that first presented the full breadth of his trademarks: awesome awesome macho bros, pretty pretty sunsets, government employees portrayed as insufferable weiners even though they’re in the right, spinning cameras, haphazard editing all over the fucking place, chaotic mish-mashes of explosions and sparks and machinery and debris and smoke and crap, beautiful shots of people in various locations around the world, weirdly hateful characters presented as cutesy comic relief, an army of highly qualified writers seemingly locked in a cage and forced to duct tape a bunch of dumb ideas into the most unwieldy structure they can come up with that has a running time at least 30 minutes longer than the story has earned, and of course an ensemble of talented actors improvising jokes with no regard for any sort of desired rhythm or tone of storytelling. (read the rest of this shit…)
I meant to see this when it was in theaters in 1988, didn’t get around to it until now. It’s okay. Not worth that long of a wait, but luckily I did other stuff in between.
Treat Williams (THE SUBSTITUTE 2-4) and Joe Piscopo (Saturday Night Live cast, 1980-1984) play two 1980s Movie Cops. Treat is supposed to be the straight laced one, so he wears a suit. Piscopo is the wildman who wears a leather jacket and hits on every woman who appears on camera, because that’s always funny (see also: Jay Leno in COLLISION COURSE). This was after SNL when he got really into bodybuilding, so he also shows off his muscles alot. He’s kind of a cross between a wisecracking Bruce Willis type of character and a crazy Mel Gibson one. (read the rest of this shit…)
Two years ago, I saw and accidentally enjoyed the 2004 movie THE PUNISHER starring Thomas Jane. It was another attempt at a movie version of some Marvel Comics Book which had once been made by none other than Dolph Lundgren. After I saw that movie, I wrote a review (see below), then I looked into the eyes of the universe and I made a solemn vow that one day maybe I would see the Dolph Lundgren version, who knows.
Well today I saw Dolph’s version and I’m here to report that it’s okay. I liked Thomas’s version the best but this one definitely has its moments. Like the 2004 one, this is definitely more in the action movie/vigilante style than some kind of Batman or Superman deal. The main comic book element is that Punisher lives in the sewers and has tunnels to bring him everywhere. Also he has a wacky sidekick who is some kind of homeless guy who always claims to be a theater actor, and who always rhymes. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
dreadguacamole on Talk To Me: “Loved this one. It splits the difference between A24 depressing as hell horror and James Wan – style “ride” horror…” Sep 29, 15:59
Mr.Shemp on 10 Things I Hate About You: “…and so it begins. My quest to read every single Vern review in chronological order has started with a movie…” Sep 29, 15:14
jojo on Domino (18 years later revisit): “I’ll always remember going to see this movie because there was about 12 people in the audience, and by the…” Sep 29, 08:48
Mr. Majestyk on Domino (18 years later revisit): “I never hated the movies from Tony Scott’s Earring Period (the most egregious example being his almost unwatchable segment from…” Sep 29, 06:42
Bill Reed on Domino (18 years later revisit): “Now this one I saw, and I know I disliked it, but I also don’t remember anything about it. I…” Sep 29, 06:13
Bill Reed on MAN ON FIRE (2004) (19 years later revisit): “I’ve never seen this, but everything you described– and the method by which you did so– sold me on it.…” Sep 29, 05:48
Matthew B. on Domino (18 years later revisit): “Yeah, this thing has always had its fervent fans, and eventually — like SOUTHLAND TALES — became a rallying point…” Sep 29, 05:07
Pacman2.0 on Domino (18 years later revisit): “If it makes you feel better (it might make you feel worse!) I do still think of “You’re young. You’re…” Sep 29, 03:48
CJ Holden on Domino (18 years later revisit): “Kelly is probably in a tough spot, since his studio projects didn’t find much love (Not just THE BOX, but…” Sep 29, 02:53
dreadguacamole on Domino (18 years later revisit): “No no no, no way I’m watching this again. Still: it’s a lovely re-review. I especially like the non-judgemental assessment…” Sep 29, 02:43
CJ Holden on Domino (18 years later revisit): “There is something oddly satisfying about reading some shit that you wrote years ago and realizing that you aren’t THAT…” Sep 28, 21:47
Andy C on MAN ON FIRE (2004) (19 years later revisit): “Glad you liked this more of your re-watch. It’s a favorite of mine. Always helped along by my love for…” Sep 28, 17:28
Kaplan on Domino (18 years later revisit): “I really don’t remember this one too much except for the meta controversy of the real-life Domino being a lesbian…” Sep 28, 16:41
MaggieMayPie on Better Off Dead: “I also really liked ONE CRAZY SUMMER when I saw it as a teen but I didn’t watch it as…” Sep 28, 09:14
Pacman2.0 on Man on Fire (1987): “BTW, I remember reading back in the 00s that Scott made his version after he was recommended the 87 film…” Sep 28, 03:49
VERN’S “I RECOMMEND THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PRODUCT” CORNER:
I reviewed THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991) once already, 15 years ago. Though I think I described some things about it pretty well, I was at somewhat of a snooty wiseass stage in my critic’s journey, and I was more dismissive of it than I should’ve been. Despite that I remembered it being a pretty good movie, and I’d been wanting to rewatch it for a while, so this last November, when BWolfe asked in the comments, “Can you re-review this? I feel like you’d give it a much better shake now,” I knew he was right.
May 22, 1985
Sure, the makers of 
July 1, 1998
ARMAGEDDON is Michael Bay’s third movie, but in some sense it’s the one where he revealed his true face to the world. There were plenty of examples of his style and character in BAD BOYS and 
Two years ago, I saw and accidentally enjoyed the 2004 movie 
