"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Posts Tagged ‘C. Robert Cargill’

Black Phone 2

Monday, October 20th, 2025

BLACK PHONE 2 is an interesting sequel, and not just because they dropped the ‘THE’ and streamlined the title, FAST & FURIOUS style. It’s also because it follows the somewhat forgotten slasher sequel tradition of having to invent some new mythology to continue a story that seemed pretty damn wrapped up last time. The first movie (based on a short story by Joe Hill) used the supernatural elements of ghosts and psychic dreams, but its villain was just a plain old mortal human who kidnaps kids in a particular suburb of Denver. And then he got killed. Can’t really redo that, so what they came up with feels fresh.

The protagonist of the first one was Finney (Mason Thames, HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON live action version), who gets abducted and locked in a basement by the Grabber (Ethan Hawke, EXPLORERS), and the titular telecommunications device allows him to speak to the ghosts of previous victims, so they pool what they know about the place their in and the Grabber’s activities, and together conceive an escape plan. Meanwhile his younger sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw, AMERICAN SNIPER) is at home surviving their abusive alcoholic father (Jeremy Davies, DARK HARVEST) and having psychic dreams with clues that help her locate Finney.

For the sequel Finney is back, older and tougher, having taken over for the bullies who used to beat the shit out of him at school, and also partaking in quite a bit of weed. Thames has grown into such an authentic 1982 rocker dude face that I was a little thrown off by him wearing a Peter Gabriel t-shirt, but that’s okay. Finney avoids categorization. (read the rest of this shit…)

The Gorge

Monday, March 3rd, 2025

THE GORGE is a movie with an appealing, simple premise, strong execution, great tone, and a fun mix of elements you don’t usually see together but that feel perfectly natural. It’s a romance within a monster movie, or vice versa, but not in a a jokey way at all (though that worked for LOVE AND MONSTERS). It’s funny because its two main characters know how to make each other laugh, but its outlandish situation is taken seriously.

It’s also a movie star movie, as most good romances are, with its two leads reaching new levels of onscreen charisma, though for some reason Apple made this for the small screen only. I guess that’s none of my business. (read the rest of this shit…)

The Black Phone

Monday, June 27th, 2022

(beware The Spoiler)


THE BLACK PHONE is a solid, straight forward horror tale set in a Denver suburb in 1979, when a succession of boys have gone missing. Locals blame it on someone they call “The Grabber.” The story centers on a kid named Finney (Mason Thames, young Walker in the new version of Walker: Texas Ranger), who’s either in middle school or high school (definitely pre-driver’s license age).

His life is not the easiest, but he gets by. He and his sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw, AMERICAN SNIPER) have to walk on egg shells around their alcoholic father (Jeremy Davies, punk rock Toyota commercial) as well as various bullies closer to their own age. On Fridays Gwen sleeps over at a friend’s and Finney “takes care of” Dad – tucking him in and watching Emergency! by himself.

It’s a pretty tight movie, but I appreciate that it doesn’t rush the section where it establishes Finney’s daily life and the ominous mood of the place and time. One day there’s a fight outside of school, some big creep named Moose (J. Gaven Wilde, HALLOWEEN KILLS) calling a smaller kid named Robin (Miguel Cazarez Mora) a slur and taking a swing at him, at which point we learn that Robin is some kind of junior high Billy Jack who this kid absolutely should not have fucked with. Finney doesn’t know how to do that when he gets chased into the restroom by three dickheads, so it’s a relief when Robin walks in. Turns out they’re friends, though I get the sense it’s one of those friendships where one (Finney) is in awe of the other and feels surprised and lucky the guy even talks to him. (read the rest of this shit…)

Doctor Strange (2016)

Tuesday, November 29th, 2016

tn_doctorstrangeIn his latest vehicle, the King of DTV Action Scott Adkins plays “Lucian / Strong Zealot,” the right (or possibly left) hand man to a dark master of mystical world-bending sorcery magic spell power beams named Kaecilius (Mads Mikkelsen, VALHALLA RISING). Kaecilius was once a student of The Ancient One (international martial arts superstar Tilda Swinton, CONSTANTINE) but now suspects she is siphoning dark magic to extend her life and therefore steals a magic ritual from a special book of ancient something something, etc. So Lucian / Strong Zealot and another person are sent after The Ancient One’s new student Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch, WAR HORSE) to try to destroy his magic apartment in New York and they have a fight in a hospital where they’re both ghosts but it’s kind of weird because (SPOILER IN FIRST PARAGRAPH OF REVIEW) Benedict Cumberbatch defeats Scott Adkins.

screen-shot-2016-11-27-at-8-35-50-pm
And Scott Adkins as “the ghost of one of the minions.”

Okay, the truth is this is not a Scott Adkins movie. His character is small enough that when his big scene is described in an Entertainment Weekly article they don’t bother to credit him. It’s weird that as Marvel Studios continue to build this vast universe of re-usable characters they chose to use

1) Idris fucking Elba as “magic bridge operator”

2) Ray god damn Stevenson as “one of Thor’s friends that he has back home”

and now

3) Scott mother fuckin Adkins as “henchman who gets beat up by magic cape” (read the rest of this shit…)