I don’t know why I never got around to seeing the THE CROW sequel from the director of SIX-STRING SAMURAI. Always was curious. Still took me 19 years. Lance Mungia’s THE CROW: WICKED PRAYER, just like the previous one, was meant for theaters, but I think it only played somewhere around here? Wiki(dprayer)pedia says its theatrical run was only in Seattle and only for one week, and I do remember seeing an ad for it and being confused, but I was thinking it was in Eastern Washington. Anyway, I didn’t go.
URBAN LEGEND (1998) is, to my mind, one of the most “obviously we’re making this because of the success of SCREAM” horror movies that exists. It’s another young-people-whodunit-slasher, with a similarly constituted cast of pretty young movie and TV stars, but instead of killings inspired by horror movie tropes, these ones are based on popular urban myths. At the time I think I took it as dumb but pretty enjoyable, which is also how I feel about it now, and about many non-classic slasher movies. Like most of them it benefits from age – it’s a time capsule now rather than the latest the genre has to offer, so we have different expectations for it. (read the rest of this shit…)
A RETURN TO SALEM’S LOT is Larry Cohen’s weirdo theatrically-released sort-of-sequel to Tobe Hooper’s TV mini-series of the Stephen King book. But really it just takes the location – the tiny town of Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine – and the idea of doing a vampire story there. It’s not the same vampire or the same type of vampire. It doesn’t connect, from what I remember. But I like that.
Joe Weber (Cohen’s muse Michael Moriarty) is an anthropologist working on a CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST type documentary when he finds he has to come home to look after his troublemaking teenage son Jeremy (one-time actor Ricky Addison Reed, who IMDb claims was cast to play Robin in Tim Burton’s BATMAN in scenes that were never filmed). Joe brings his son to the old, recently-inherited fixer-upper in his birth-town of Salem’s Lot (as some but not all abbreviate it). (read the rest of this shit…)
Before Riverdale, before the Marvel Cinematic Universe, before Christopher Nolan Batman, before 9-11 even, there was a different type of comic book movie: JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. Inspired by the Archie comic book and Hanna-Barbera cartoon, writer/directors Harry Elfont & Deborah Kaplan told a goofy version of the little-rock-‘n-roll-band-tested-by-overnight-superstardom story.
Actually maybe we should forget about comics and consider this timeline: it was a year before American Idol started. The Spice Girls had packed it up the year before. NSYNC and Backstreet Boys were still popular. The movie seems to offer the Pussycats as a refreshing alternative for teenage girls to obsess over instead of boy bands, but it should be noted that Destiny’s Child, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Lopez, Janet Jackson, Brandy, Madonna, Mary J. Blige, Pink, and Aaliyah (plus Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson) all had hits that year. But I guess the Pussycats do stand out by playing instruments. Their songs are kind of sassy pop punk, not good in my opinion but not as intolerable as some in-movie music. (read the rest of this shit…)
From the director of PUNISHER #2 and the star of PUNISHER #3 comes a solid, entertaining period gangster movie. It’s a biopic of Danny Greene, an Irish American union president, gang enforcer and dodger of car bombs in Cleveland, Ohio circa early ’60s through late ’70s. If it had been done as two separate movies maybe it would’ve got an arthouse release and some critical respect, but they did it as one so it was barely released by Anchor Bay and nobody ever heard of it. (read the rest of this shit…)
What this movie is about is pie fucking. There is a kid who fucks a pie in it. There is also a guy who fucks a grapefruit apparently but you don’t see that. But this guy fucks a pie.
The version I saw is the unrated DVD, which I guess has extra pie fucking footage. in the original apparently it was a standing up with the pie position, wheras here it is a missionary position with the kid mounting the pie. The cover of the unrated DVD shows all the young gals on the cover but don’t be fooled, none of them do any pie fucking in the movie, it is only this one guy. (read the rest of this shit…)
WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM
if that's your thing:
1. Patreon
Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines
(you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)
I also have an Amazon UK one:
(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)
4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products
(I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)
5. Spread the word
Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.
THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
* * * *
Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
Stu on Copshop: “Just saw Carnahan’s new Netflix one, THE RIP. Thought it was pretty engaging at least on a first watch, being…” Jan 16, 20:51
Mr. Majestyk on Red State: “Smith seems like the happiest famous person alive right now. He always knew he hit the once-in-a-generation jackpot in terms…” Jan 16, 08:45
CJ Holden on Red State: “Honestly, I think Smith is living his best life right now. He is at a point in his career where…” Jan 16, 07:19
Alex R on Red State: “That’s a good comparison. I don’t know enough about Zombie’s brain to say if I think he has this issue,…” Jan 16, 06:43
Adam C aka TaumpyTearrs on Red State: “@Alex- I liked Red State more than most while acknowledging its flaws, and anytime I remember its existence I also…” Jan 16, 00:14
Adam C aka TaumpyTearrs on Red State: “@Alex- I liked Red State more than most while acknowledging its flaws, and anytime I remember its existence I also…” Jan 16, 00:09
Hostile18 on The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: “According to IMDB, John Henry Faulk is credited as “Storyteller”, but I am not sure what that refers to. I…” Jan 15, 21:58
Franchise Fred on Hamnet: “I’m kinda where Vern is with Shakespeare but I do like movies about grief so I went with this one.…” Jan 15, 17:24
Anthony on Ghost Killer: “Another badass film that Vern needs to review on this sight is the 7 hour action extravaganza MERCY FOR NONE…” Jan 15, 14:33
Anthony on Ghost Killer: “Ghostkiller Babyassassin 1,2and3 Are all great action films love all of them but all them pale on comparison to Can…” Jan 15, 14:23
ron on Fuck My Son!: “i guess i was one of those people referenced in the article that saw it at fantastic fest and laughed…” Jan 15, 13:47
CJ Holden on Nature Calls: “I actually have heard of that movie and saw the DVD in stores a few times, but haven’t watched it.” Jan 15, 11:39
Alex R on Red State: “I end up thinking about Red State a fair amount, most likely because I bought it on DVD for $1…” Jan 15, 06:32
Borg9 on It Was Just an Accident: “I was planning to catch this but missed it in all the pre-holidays activities. I enjoyed TAXI and NO BEARS…” Jan 15, 06:25