"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Posts Tagged ‘Stuart Townsend’

Queen of the Damned

Wednesday, February 4th, 2026

I always kinda wanted to see QUEEN OF THE DAMNED and I think we can all be proud of me that I managed to get it in before it turned 25. Pretty much still a new release! If you’ve forgotten though, it’s basically a new cast, new filmmakers sequel to INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, with Tom Cruise’s vampire character Lestat now played by Stuart Townsend (SIMON MAGUS). He also narrates the movie and man does it make for a funny opening. He explains how he got sick of immortality “So I went to sleep, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out, and a sort of death might happen.” He’s Dracula-ing inside a coffin in a crypt with a cool skeleton sculpture on the lid.

“But as I lay there, the world didn’t sound like the place I had left, but something… different. Better.”


Cut to a series of close ups: a kick drum, guitars, tattoos, nipple rings, etc., as rocking out occurs. A band is jamming in his old mansion and the sound wakes him up. He slips into their jam session and appoints himself lead vocalist. You gotta just assert yourself, right? Fake it ’til you make it. When they ask him “Who the hell are you, man?” he says “I am the vampire Lestat.” They laugh and then realize he’s serious and then he turns them.

“From that moment on they were my friends, my children, my band. Giving the world a new god. Me.” (read the rest of this shit…)

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Wednesday, August 16th, 2017

a survey of summer movies that just didn’t catch on

July 11, 2003

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN is a cool fucking premise: a sort of Victorian era Justice League made of literary characters with unique talents or abilities. In this world, the famous stories of English literature (plus Mark Twain) really happened, and the Queen puts together a super-team to try to stop an attack on Venice. So James Bond’s M (Richard Roxburgh, VAN HELSING, STEALTH) recruits the adventurer hunter Alan Quatermain (Sean Connery, FIRST KNIGHT), Dracula’s Mina Harker (Peta Wilson, SUPERMAN RETURNS), the Invisible Man (but actually not the same H.G. Wells one, for legal reasons)(Tony Curran, Priest from BLADE II), Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (Jason Flemyng, BRUISER), Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend, director of BATTLE IN SEATTLE) and Captain Nemo (veteran Bollywood star Naseeruddin Shah).

Sort of like MYSTERY MEN, this is based on a comic that’s a riff on the super hero team stories, but made when X-MEN was the only straight up movie version of that sort of thing. The comic, written by Alan Moore, is apparently very different, thicker in obscure literary allusions and lighter in summer movie type spectacle (sword fights, shoot outs, flying CGI machinery, explosions). The adaptation is credited to another comic book writer, James Robinson, who wrote alot of Superman. His previous screenwriting work was CYBER BANDITS, COMIC BOOK VILLAINS and a swing and a miss in the long line of writers trying to figure out how to do FREDDY VS. JASON. (read the rest of this shit…)