I was a child of the 1980s, but not of HBO or Showtime. That’s probly why I never saw DEATHSTALKER (1983) until last week. Still, I knew the idea of DEATHSTALKER enough to be excited when I read that it was getting a rebootmakemagining from writer/director Steven Kostanski, the Canadian goofball who gave us PSYCHO GOREMAN, FRANKIE FREAKO, the makeup effects for IN A VIOLENT NATURE, and more. My hopes got even higher when I learned that it would star Daniel Bernhardt, one of the great henchmen of the JOHN WICK era but not usually a leading man since his days headlining the BLOODSPORT sequels. He was fun in the ‘90s but now he’s more distinguished, he has a giant sword, and there’s goblins and magic and shit everywhere. Some things do get better.
I asked around, and it does not seem to be a controversial statement that the remake is way better than the original. I kinda enjoyed catching up with that one, it has more flavor than some of the other CONAN cash-ins, and Lana Clarkson is in it pre BARBARIAN QUEEN, but I’ve already pretty much forgotten it. People seem to be fonder of DEATHSTALKER II, which is played for intentional laughs (but also a little chintzier). I’d say Kostanski’s is way better than both, and kind of pitched in the middle of them tonally. It definitely has some great jokes in it but overall seems to be sincere in its goal of having a great time with the swords and the sorcery. It’s a swordablast. (read the rest of this shit…)
SISU: ROAD TO REVENGE came out Friday. It’s a sequel to the 2022 film 
CHRISTY is a biopic of Christy Salters, once known as Christy Martin, a pioneer of women’s professional boxing, competing from 1989-2012. It’s a very effective movie that hits some of the pleasing notes you want out of a normal sports drama, plus the additional joys of watching a woman be tough and rowdy at a time when most of society demanded she be “ladylike.” And if you know any biographical details of Salters at all you will be able to imagine a few other ways it stands out from every other boxing movie.
Okay, I’m gonna be up front about this: RED SONJA (2025) is a movie that I kinda liked, but it took some effort. It’s an underdog movie, you kinda gotta be rooting for it to work, I don’t know if it’s gonna win over anybody standing there with their arms folded. But maybe I’m wrong. It has a sincerity to it. It doesn’t seem self conscious. That can go a long way.
Today I’m looking at a pair of crime movies adapted from books by two of my favorite authors. I almost said “recent crime movies” because you know how time is, but it turns out one is more than five years old and the other is more than ten. It’s just that I put them off forever because I was afraid I was going to hate them. It turns out they’re both pretty well made movies, but yeah, I don’t think they have the spark I’m looking for.
I don’t say this lightly, but I think Guillermo del Toro’s FRANKENSTEIN might be up there pretty high among the top Frankensteins? Or at least it hits hard for me. It’s one of the more faithful adaptations of Mary Shelley’s 207-year-old novel Frankenstein: But If You Think About It It’s Almost Like a Modern Prometheus, but it’s reinterpreted enough to feel like pure, personal del Toro.
At some point on this here internet I started seeing people refer to the alien species from the 
You know from the jump that BASKET CASE 2 (1990) is gonna have a little more money behind it than the first one, because it has both Troma and Shapiro Glickenhaus credits. That’s power right there. For those just joining it starts with footage from the end of part 1, with poor Duane and his murderous, surgically separated lump brother Belial hanging off a hotel sign, falling and splattering in front of screaming New Yorkers. We also get a news report from Times Square, describing Belial as “a small, grotesque monstrosity” and a “small, twisted deformity whose most startling feature is an unnervingly human face” and a “strange little being” that “might actually be human.”
