Lately, with reality increasingly losing its appeal, I’ve had more desire to lose myself in fantastical worlds of animation. Even when those places are horrible in their own right it feels like an escape, because at least they’re made of nice drawings and paintings. NINJA SCROLL transports us to a mystical past of deadly assassins, some with magic powers, others just so skilled that they might as well have ‘em. This is from 1993 and it was legendary in that decade for providing extravagant violence that seemed novel to us Americans when delivered in cartoon form. It still kinda works as that, but more importantly I think it holds up as a pretty entertaining movie.

The writer/director is Yoshiaki Kawajiri, and though I never really made the connection that it was the same guy, I’ve written about several of his works. I talked a little about VAMPIRE HUNTER D: BLOODLUST (2000) in my original BLADE II review, I covered THE ANIMATRIX (2003) when I was revisiting that whole franchise (he did the “Program” segment), I really liked his DTV/OVA HIGHLANDER: THE SEARCH FOR VENGEANCE (2007) when I did my review series Highlanderland. Also he wrote the live action AZUMI 2: DEATH OR LOVE, though unfortunately I was disappointed in that one. I do like his stories on the other stuff, but it’s obviously the drawing and movement that makes them fly (often literally).

NINJA SCROLL opens much like a LONE WOLF AND CUB, with our lead ninja Kibagami Jubei wandering from parts unknown to destination unknown, munching on a rice ball. When he strolls onto a bridge he gets jumped by two enemies, and you know what I always say – I love when a guy kicks some ass while eating (see also: SANJURO, THE BIG BOSS, DIRTY HARRY). He does have to throw the rice ball in the air at one point to commit violence, but he catches it before it hits the ground.

After he’s won, one of the attackers just has to ask if it’s true he was hired for only 20 ryos to return a stolen sword worth way more than that. Junbei says it’s because “they’re a poor, small clan” who hired him. Fights while snacking, has some honor – I like this guy.

Meanwhile, some sinister shit is going on with a shipwrecked load of gold that a bad guy called The Shogun of the Dark intends to use to overthrow the Tokugawa Shogunate. His elite ninja squad, the Eight Devils of Kimon, cover up the accident by poisoning an entire nearby village, making it seem like there’s a plague so everybody will stay away from the area.

When the Chamberlain hears stories about this he’s skeptical, but sends the Koga ninja to Shimoda Village to investigate. The one woman in the clan, Kagero, is supposed to stay behind because she’s the poison taster, but she insists since the lord is away and she has no poison to taste, she’s going, and she cuts off her hair to prepare. She’s a badass, we’re clearly on her side, but we do see that some of the men are distracted by her presence on the mission. They keep talking about how hot she is. A good argument against men in the military.

It’s pretty clear that even if these dorks didn’t have boners they wouldn’t have stood a chance against the Devils who pop up in the forest to slaughter the fuck out of them. At first they don’t even see who’s killing them – just a huge twirling blade that flies around like a boomerang cutting thick trees and ninjas in half, sending heads falling, followed by showers of blood. A flurry of throwing stars pelts the area like machine gun spray, a cable swings down to electrocute people. Their primary attacker Tessai is giant, his skin seems to be made of rock, and he lifts a guy up by his arms, like a little doll, rips the arms off and pours the blood into his mouth. Show off.

He’s also a pervy rapist who carries Kagero away and starts licking her. His mouth fits around an entire boob. Our boy Jubei is an independent, has nothing to do with any of these people, but he happens to be passing through so he pretends to be oblivious and interrupts the assault to ask Tessai for directions. When they fight he realizes that this Devil’s stone skin is impenetrable, so he stabs him in the eyeball, but even that doesn’t get him. Eventually Tessai’s skin crumbles and Jubei chops him up, but Dakuan, a weird little monk who has been commenting on the fight from the trees above, tells him it was Kagero’s poison that killed him. The reason she’s the poison taster is that her body itself is toxic. “Anyone who makes love to her dies. A perfect woman for this hellish world.” She says that extends to kissing, even touching. Pretty cool.

As the sole surviver of the ninja team, Kagero reports back to the Chamberlain. Without interrupting his doggystyling of some poor concubine he tells Kagero to go back and find out who the guy was that killed them all. Okay, thanks boss, nothing but great ideas. So she goes back.

Dakuan is a Tokugawa spy, and he tries to recruit Jubei to kill the remaining seven Devils. Jubei refuses – he has to wash his hair that day or something – so Dakuan throws a poisoned throwing star at him, says he has to do the job to get the antidote. Same shit they did to Snake Plissken.

So Jubei goes around fighting the Devils and all their weird powers. There’s the lady covered in snake tattoos that come alive and leave her body. He grabs her and she shrivels up because actually he didn’t grab her, just her shedded skin. Then there’s the guy with a hornet’s nest inside his hunchback, he sends them out as spies and attackers. Kogera knows they can’t outrun the swarm so instead she throws out flower petals with sleeping potion pollen to put the bugs to sleep. Reminds me of wuxia logic. I approve.

I admit that some of this is hard for me to follow. There’s a part where Jubei almost falls off a cliff and then when he saves himself there’s some blind guy there to challenge him to a duel. I’m unclear if he’s one of the Devils or if this is just the “debate me!” of the ninja era. Either way, seems like a pain in the ass lifestyle. Fun for us to watch, though. We know who we’re rooting for to win.

Unsurprisingly there’s an attraction between Jubei and Kagero, though both play hard to get, especially her. Ultimately she realizes that her body’s toxins are the only way to cure his poison (it would cancel it out or something), and she tells him to have sex with her. He won’t do it, just walks away, thinks it would still be taking advantage of her, maybe. I felt bad for her. The one time in her life to have a somewhat healthy sexual experience, and she’s cock-blocked by ninja honor.

But Jubei lives to battle the leader of the Eight Devils, Gemma, who he has history with (short version: he cut his head off but Gemma is immortal and unlike in Highlander decapitation doesn’t stop him). The final fight is on a burning ship, Gemma has a metal arm, and when his non metal arm gets cut off he just puts it back on and brags about being immortal. Jubei tries headbutting his face all the way through the floor (it grows back) and bisecting his head (no good) but ultimately he just (spoiler) lets him drown in molten gold. A great death.

One thing: I didn’t notice any important scroll in this story, so I don’t get the title. Maybe that’s covered in the 13-episode sequel series made by other people a decade later.

NINJA SCROLL delivers on the cool shit you want from a ninja movie, including classic action tropes like someone handing over their headband just before they die so you can wear it into the final battle. A grand tradition. (See also: DRAGON BLADE.) But also the movie is peppered with oddities that I haven’t seen a million times. It’s just such an interesting world to visit, all these strange characters, factions and methods. The Shogun of the Dark somehow talks to people far away by putting a thread in his mouth. I’ve always been skeptical about the two-cups-attached-by-string method, but this takes it even further. Why doesn’t he just use messenger owls like a normal person (or at least some people in this movie)?

In the ‘90s this was probly in the top 5, maybe top 3 most popular anime movies internationally, but it wasn’t that big of a hit in Japan, or at least that’s what they said after they gave up on finding financing for the sequel developed in the 2010s. Before that Leonardo DiCaprio’s company had the rights for a live action version, screenplay by Alex Tse (SUCKER FREE CITY, WATCHMEN, SUPERFLY, Wu-Tang: An American Saga). Gary Shore (DRACULA UNTOLD) was attached long enough to make a proof of concept trailer with help from 87Eleven. That just means computer animation of drawn animation representing live action, though.

Everybody’s always up in arms about those westernized live action versions of animes on the rare occasions when they actually go through with them (FIST OF THE NORTH STAR, DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION, BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE, GHOST IN THE SHELL… also SPEED RACER but people eventually came around on that one). I’m sure if it had been made it would have been a much reviled flop that I enjoyed. I like that kinda shit and I love stories like this in live action, but the animation here is the main attraction. Kawajiri is not one to waste his medium. Bodies contort, lines dance and vibrate, movements and power and our senses are exaggerated into maximum potency, achieving a feeling of un-reality that can’t really be matched with photographs. And also there’s so much nice stuff to look at, from ninja silhouettes gliding gracefully through the tree tops and across the moon, to a creek swarmed with fireflies.

But ultimately the main thing that makes me consider this One of the Good Ones is that I just like these two main characters and their tragically doomed romance. The Clint Eastwood stoicism and rock star swagger of Junbei, the fierce refusal by Kagero (and her very immune system!) to be minimized or used as a play thing by all these monstrous motherfuckers around her. I wish it could’ve worked out for those two. They deserve to hold hands and eat rice balls together.