"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

It Could Happen to You / Black Beauty

July 29th, 1994

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. But most likely it wouldn’t. This is the loosely-jumping-off-from-a-real-incident story of the NYPD’s most lovable officer Charlie Lang (Nicolas Cage, DEADFALL) coming up short for a tip at the diner, offering waitress Yvonne Biasi (Bridget Fonda, last seen in LITTLE BUDDHA) half of his Lotto ticket if he wins, then staying true to his word when he wins $2 million. They become a media sensation, there is romance, as well as “a scene of cop action” according to the current version of the MPAA’s PG rating.

Charlie has no dark side, he’s just a great guy who’s friends with all the people in the neighborhood, doesn’t seem to harass anybody on the job, does at one point foil an armed robbery while shopping. He’s very close with his partner Bo Williams (Wendell Pierce, A RAGE IN HARLEM), but his other best friend seems to be Jesu (Victor Rojas, later “Kid #2” in DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE), a neighbor kid he plays stickball with. His wife Muriel (Rosie Perez, NIGHT ON EARTH) is a vain and materialistic beautician who always yells at him in that Rosie Perez way. He doesn’t seem to mind, and Jesu says he’s “whipped.”

Yvonne is much less happy in life. Shortly before meeting Charlie she had to declare bankruptcy because her estranged husband Eddie (Stanley Tucci, MONKEY SHINES) ran off and ran up her credit cards. Her boss Sal (J.E. Freeman, ACES: IRON EAGLE III) is an open asshole who berates her in front of customers. For her part she’s extremely rude to Charlie, but at least apologizes the next day (before learning about the money).

Muriel is a very broad character who obviously doesn’t want Charlie to split their money with a stranger, but is convinced to do it by being told that people will call her “the lady with the heart of gold.” She keeps saying that on camera, but when reporters hear about this splitting the prize with a waitress story they focus on that. One thing this movie requires you to accept is that there are like 15-20 TV news reporters in New York City who will treat a cute Lotto story as the fucking OJ trial for months on end.

Part of the fantasy is marveling at how down to earth and kind these newly rich people can be. Charlie and Yvonne have a hard time getting used to spending money on themselves, while Muriel makes Charlie bring her shopping and buys a fur coat. Unfortunately for her she chooses a store with anti-fur protesters out front, so she immediately gets splattered with red paint (by the future star of Bones, Emily Deschanel in her first screen appearance).

Yvonne does not run afoul of animal rights activists, but instead buys the diner she works at, waitresses for the joy of it, and establishes a table named after Charlie where homeless people can eat for free. Also they start hanging out, going rollerblading, etc., and it’s obvious this married man is going to fall for this nice lady, so to make it palatable we notice Muriel hitting it off with a rich investor guy she meets (Seymour Cassel, MOBSTERS).

Muriel assumes Charlie is cheating with Yvonne, kicks him out and demands all the money. He’s a saint or a monk or whatever so he doesn’t mind giving up his, but refuses to take back Yvonne’s, so she sues them for it. Charlie and Yvonne actually do hook up when they both have to leave their spouses, finally decide to splurge and both end up at the Plaza Hotel. Charlie was originally planning to go to the Holiday Inn until Jesu scolded him for it. We have that stickball friend who reminds+ us to treat ourselves well.

One strange touch is that at the beginning the story is being narrated by Isaac Hayes (TRUCK TURNER), who mentions that his name is Angel, and then is seen at various times throughout the movie standing nearby and watching Charlie. I took him to be a guardian angel, in the tradition of Bruce Willis in NORTH, but eventually we see where he comes into the story and he might really just be a normal living human named Angel Dupree.

Although there are some signs of interest in theatrical romantic comedies, it’s another genre that has primarily moved to television these days. The Hallmark Channel famously puts out around 40 Christmas romcoms every year, and they also do similar movies designed for Valentine’s Day, the summer, the fall, pre-holiday winter, maybe others. Those movies have some of the same tropes as IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU, but they don’t have (with all due respect) talent like Cage and Fonda, or cinematography by Caleb Deschanel (MORE AMERICAN GRAFFITI, THE RIGHT STUFF), or especially scenes shot on location in New York City. Or even in the United States. This one also has Barry Malkin, editor of THE GODFATHER PART II and several other Francis Ford Coppola films. So from a craft standpoint it’s what I like to call “a real movie.”

But not a great one. I think making Muriel such a shallow and hateful character loads the deck too much, makes it too hard to swallow. Maybe it would be more interesting if she was a normal person with reasonable concerns about her husband giving a million dollars to a woman he just met. But that’s not the kind of story they wanted to tell. They wanted a heartwarming story where Cage and Fonda play humble sweethearts being slowly, bashfully pushed together by fate, and there’s admittedly some appeal in that.

The screenplay is by Jane Anderson, a writer from The Facts of Life and The Wonder Years who had graduated to feature length with the acclaimed 1993 made-for-cable movie THE POSITIVELY TRUE ADVENTURES OF THE ALLEGED TEXAS CHEERLEADER-MURDERING MOM, directed by Michael Ritchie. She wrote it as COP GIVES WAITRESS MILLION DOLLAR TIP, inspired by a real story where they were already friends and had discussed getting a ticket together, but she didn’t remember and he split it with her anyway. They did not leave their spouses for each other. I think there’s something kind of corny about how the idea came from a fluffy newspaper story and then fluffy newspaper stories become a big part of the plot, but I guess corniness is not a big concern in movies like this.

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU is the fourth film directed by Andrew Bergman, writer of BLAZING SADDLES and FLETCH, who had last directed HONEYMOON IN VEGAS, which also had Cage and Cassel and romance. That one ended in skydiving and marriage, this one with marriage and a hot air balloon. Director trademark, I guess.


signs of the times: Muriel watches Designing Women. When Charlie spends the night at Bo’s house he sleeps with his daughter’s Barney blanket. Bo makes a joke about getting Knicks tickets on the floor with Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee. Actually that’s still a current reference I think, but here it’s in the same summer where Lee made a movie about his childhood obsession with the Knicks.


I also watched BLACK BEAUTY, a G-rated Warner Brothers movie released on the same day. It was the directorial debut of novelist turned screenwriter Caroline Thompson, her followup to writing the 1993 version of THE SECRET GARDEN. This one is of course based on the 1877 novel by Anna Sewell, which had already been adapted into several movies, TV shows, and animated specials. It had originally been written to warn adults about animal cruelty, but this movie seems more in line with its later reputation as an old timey children’s story.

The horse is anthropomorphized in the sense that he narrates the movie in the voice of Alan Cumming (BERNARD AND THE GENIE). But he’s just a horse, he doesn’t talk like Mr. Ed, or smile like SPIRIT: STALLION OF THE CIMARRON. And he’s not as philosophical as the seagull narrating JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL. He just tells the story of his life and even remembers being born. Sean Bean (PATRIOT GAMES) is the farmer who delivers him, and I was immediately surprised by what appears to be footage of an actual baby horse being born. I’m gonna assume they didn’t really have Sean Bean on the scene, but they had somebody wearing his jacket pulling that slimy little guy out of there!? That’s an impressive effort.

Maybe if this had been made after BABE they would’ve had more puppets or digital effects. Or maybe they did and I just couldn’t tell. It seems to me they really took a bunch of footage of this baby horse learning to stand and then running around in the sunny fields with his mommy and shit. And there’s lots of footage of various insects and other animals like rabbits and frogs. It starts to feel like one of those old Disney nature documentaries they used to show us in elementary school. I was not all that moved by it, but if you’re gonna build a movie around stock footage and overbearing music it might as well be Danny Elfman.

Of course the baby horse grows into Black Beauty, portrayed by Docs Keepin Time, an it-horse of the moment since he had also starred in the TV show The Adventures of the Black Stallion. His son Keepin Charge later co-starred with Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris in APPALOOSA. Like WAR HORSE, Black Beauty is a horse who various humans become strangely enamored of. Also he falls in love with a lighter colored mare named Ginger. Sometimes in movies you gotta put up with a protagonist who’s head over heels with a female character who we really know nothing about except how beautiful she is. This is that only we just have to take his word for it about horse beauty standards.

I was hoping I might enjoy this somewhat since Thompson is the writer of EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, THE ADDAMS FAMILY and THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS. But I guess without gothic castles and mad scientists I’m not as into her stuff. She doesn’t show the humor or visual panache of the directors she’s written for, or maybe this is just what a G-rated period horse literature joint is supposed to look like. I’m no Ken from BARBIE, I just don’t have the thing that makes you interested in horses. I’m sorry he had to pull a buggy and that he has such an accepting attitude about it, but I don’t know how to become invested in that. There’s really nothing for me to latch onto in this movie, that’s why I had to piggyback it on a review of another movie. I can’t fairly judge this except to say it bored the shit out of me.

BLACK BEAUTY got decent reviews, and some kid somewhere probly liked it, I hope. But it was a flop, opening in 10th place, with IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU in 6th (but it eventually did okay). The surprise hit that week was THE MASK, which I won’t be revisiting because I said enough five years ago. I think it’s kind of interesting but dated in both style and in its themes being uncomfortably incel-adjacent. Sorry. I’m sure I’ll watch it again before either of these, though.

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14 Responses to “It Could Happen to You / Black Beauty”

  1. Given my longterm Bridget Fonda crush I always had a soft spot for this film – it’s not really very good, and coasts on the undeniable charm of the two leads. I agree with Vern – in a film that is lacking in subtlety, the Rosie Perez character manages to be even more ridiculously one-dimensional and unlikable that she manages to be out of place, which is saying something. Always made me wish that there was a more three dimensional film with the same premise.

    Not sure what any of the following has to do with the movie – but what the hell:

    Story from true life – the closest I came to knowing somebody who hit a big lottery win was back in the early 1980s – a friends family won $250,000 (a lot of money back then.) About 3 months after the win – following incessant publicity generated by the lottery (fine print for lottery ticket winnings all say if you collect your winnings you’re at the mercy of publicity blitzes,) the entire family up and disappeared overnight. Years later I bumped into my friend and got the whole story – turns out the publicity generated all kinds of negatives for the family – especially things like waking up morning after morning to people waiting outside their house asking for money. The friend said it was one thing to deal with the obvious scammers and bullshitters (but that was still a pain in the ass,) but an all together more heartbreaking situation when it was worse things – like families that had hit hard times and had no place to live, sickness issues etc. standing in their front door step in the morning, not to mention the BS from family members/people who knew them – angling for ‘loans’ and running plays like ‘hey you’ve got the money’. The friend said it just became unbearable dealing with this day in and day out – so they had to pull up sticks and bug out overnight – moving across the country to escape the worst of it. She never claimed winning the money was a bad thing – but it definitely had its darker side.

    There was a briefly famous story in Canada about a dude on the west coast who won a couple of million bucks, and a few years later he had been swept up in a police raid on prostitutes in Vancouver (the west cost – as far from where he started as possible in the country.) The press interviewed him and he said he basically went on a two year drug/sex bender and was down to his last $1000.00. I like to think that’s what I would do.

    I grew up in Ontario – and the closest my family came to a win was during a televised lottery – way back when lottery tickets sold through the provincial government started (this was the mid 1970s) everyone would watch the lottery draw once a week on Sunday night – a 7 number draw – there was only one winning ticket and the number had to exactly match all seven digits in order (other draws awarded prizes of lesser $ if you match 3 – 4- 5- 6 numbers, but not this one.) My dad had the ticket in his hand and the numbers start coming up – as the numbers get to spots 5 – 6 dad starts getting really excited – boom the seventh digit is off by one place on the ticket to the drawn number – bubkus. nothing.

  2. My family used to rent Black Beauty with some regularity as a kid because all three of my sisters had horse girl phases. I think it was the favorite of the various horse movies because it was all horse all the time and not about some kid who had a special horse connection in a coming of age story. That’s important if you’re a ‘imagining being a horse’ kid as opposed to ‘imagining owning a horse’ kid.

  3. I once won 35€ in the lottery. I bought a bunch of movies from it.
    Recently we had someone from a nearby big city winning a big jackpot and even though you are allowed to stay anonymous, he decided to go public with his newfound wealth. He definitely seemed like the kind of guy who would. But in all fairness, he seems to do well and recently even gave an interview where he told people to NOT buy lottery tickets, because winning is so unlikely and he spent way too much money on that in the past.

    Just like LASSIE, BLACK BEAUTY was also a thing over here. Now that I think about it, those animal shows, like FURY, BENJIE or HERE’S BOOMER were a staple of German kids TV until the mid 90s. BLACK BEAUTY also had of course the horse factor and I don’t know of it’s a German thing, but girls here get kinda indoctrinated into loving horses. Boys must love football, men must love horses. Everybody had a bunch of girls in their school who were horse riding or equestrian vaulting as a hobby. And I still see teenage girls riding horses through the local woods. It doesn’t seem to be an upper class thing here either. I guess it’s pretty affordable for middle class families.

    My point is: I remember watching those old BLACK BEAUTY shows because back in the days we watched what was on TV, but I can’t remember shit about them.

  4. I grew up (through to just before my 12th birthday) in Old Catton the village (just outside the city of Norwich) where Anna Sewell wrote BLACK BEAUTY, it was about a 10 minute walk from my house. I still live in Norwich, and the Seaside Town where she was born, Great Yarmouth, is where I found that SHADOW pinball machine the other day (there is a plaque outside the house where she was born). It’s pretty notable because Norwich’s pop culture impact on the world is pretty small, so much so that we’ve embraced the not particularly flattering fictional character of Alan Partridge played by Manchunian Steve Coogan (Stephen Fry is also somewhat associated with the city, somewhat legitimately but only lived here briefly and hasn’t really produced any work here).

    That said, it only occurred to me about 2 years ago that I should actually read it, so I bought a copy of the book and haven’t read it yet. I haven’t seen this film either, I just remember it being one of those films that was always on the inlay of Warner Bros Family Home Entertainment releases in the 90s that I didn’t have much interest in watching, along with THE SECRET GARDEN, A LITTLE PRICESS, and others I can’t remember right now. They’re probably all fine, and likely a lot better than some or most of the kids films I *was* watching at the time, but what can you do?

    I remember liking IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

  5. I find it very likely that a guy like Sean Bean could be talked into pulling a baby out of a horse. I can’t remember if we saw David Morse’ or Valeria Golaon’s faces during the birth scene (of a human, that is) in THE INDIAN RUNNER, but it was an actual birth scene.

  6. Haven’t seen It Could Happen in at least 20 years but I fucking loved it at the time. I loved the rom-com based on genuine kindness, as if kindness was a super power which it is actually.

    I did agree that it was unnecessary to make Muriel so one dimensional and shrill. It’s hard to imagine how such a nice guy ever dated let alone married someone like that.

  7. My favourite souvenir of the Girl-Horse Industrial Complex is this 2004 advert for a magazine imaginatively called “I Love Horses”, which became a national joke, at least among snarky teenagers, or at least it seemed to reach that level to me in those pre-Social Media days. Of course it feels oddly charming to me now.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDpxt901D8Y

  8. Just now realising how formative IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU was for me. Cage was my first favourite star – I’d watch RAISING ARIZONA and WILD AT HEART and RED ROCK WEST and even WINGS OF THE APACHE on TV, and it was genuinely exciting to see how he’d play any given role, a movie star presence with the unpredictability and crazy invention of a character actor. A weirdo with many faces, all of them true, which was how I felt about myself. And the more “normal” films like this one and, say, MOONSTRUCK had the added bonus that I could watch them with my parents. I saw this every time it came on TV and I reckon it was my introduction to Fonda and Tucci and Perez and Pierce as well. What Franchise Fred says about kindness, that’s why I could watch this over and over, unlike WILD AT HEART which kind of freaked me out at the time. I need to treat myself to this again.

    Never saw any of the BLACK BEAUTIES. Would be interested to read a review of AU HASARD BALTHAZAR though.

  9. Late correction to an obvious typo in my post from hours ago: It’s obviously “GIRLS must love horses”, but I’m sure you got that from the context.

    BTW, IMDb says that IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU was originally offered to Arnie. Would’ve been fun to see him in a romcom, to be honest.

  10. I remember that title COP GIVES WAITRESS MILLION DOLLAR TIP as a famous unproduced script, and much easier to remember than its more generic eventual title IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

    What a shame no one had the clout to fight for the original title the way Samuel L. Jackson fought for the title SNAKES ON A PLANE.

  11. In Germany it was released as 2 MILLION DOLLAR TIP, which is a pretty okay title IMO.

  12. CJ, I just assumed you’d seen BARBIE again.

  13. Crushinator Jones

    August 15th, 2024 at 2:27 pm

    Was it intentional that you paired Black Beauty, a film scored by Danny Elfman, with It Could Happen To You, which stars his wife? That’s a fun little coincidence if not.

  14. Ha – no, I totally forgot they were married.

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