"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Trancers

Would you believe I never saw a TRANCERS movie before now? And I’ve still only seen one. But when Dreadguacamole recently mentioned in a comment that it “goes pretty full-in on its christmas cheer” I decided that would be a good one to watch right now. Thanks for the tip. It’s a good balance – not a movie about Christmas that would feel weird to watch in some other time of year, but enough decorations here and there to make it kind of cool to watch when it’s seasonal.

I was aware that TRANCERS (1984) was directed by Charles Band (PARASITE), and that it reunited him with METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN’s Tim Thomerson (UNCOMMON VALOR), now playing a character called “Jack Deth.” And that’s really all I knew. I’m filling in some blindspots here. Trying to become more cultured.

Turns out it’s a time travel movie and a zombie movie and a couple other things. It starts in 23rd century Angel City (FKA Los Angeles) and it immediately reminded me of some weird ‘80s comic book, because it has that era’s fascination with futuristic worlds where men try to seem like they’re out of some old detective novel. Not like BLADE RUNNER – it knows it’s cheaper, pulpier, not all gloomy and shit. But you got trenchcoats, a mix of futuristic and retro cars, a neon-ed out ‘50s style diner called Mom’s No. 3., and Jack’s big ears and enormous shoulder pads make him look more caricature than man (read the rest of this shit…)

December 22nd, 2025 | 20 Comments »

Influencers

A couple years ago I really liked this horror-thriller I saw on Shudder called INFLUENCER. Yes, I agree with you that movies, and especially horror, are a little too fascinated with social media influencers right now, but I swear this is a good one. Madison (Emily Tennant, SNIPER: ASSASSIN’S END) makes a very good living traveling to exotic places and posting about her adventurous lifestyle, but we see that at least at this time it’s kind of a front. She’s actually depressed and mostly staying alone at a resort in Bangkok, sad that her boyfriend didn’t come.

Then she meets CW, played by Cassandra Naud (IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE), an American expat who has lived there for a while and shows her a good time. Unfortunately for Madison, fortunately for cinema, CW turns out to be a psycho with a resentment toward influencers and the computer skills to really do a number on their lives. I like that the influencer is somehow sympathetic but the villain is still fun. It’s kind of a modern take on ‘90s thrillers like SINGLE WHITE FEMALE, BASIC INSTINCT and THE NET, but also kind of a noir because it mostly follows CW as she gets deeper and deeper into her lies and tries to navigate a smooth exit. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 18th, 2025 | 4 Comments »

Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (2025) is not a great remake, but it’s a fun one, a solid one, mostly because it’s a playful one. The first couple scenes seem like a pretty straight forward update of the 1984 original – there are some funny additions, but it’s young Billy Chapman (Logan Sawyer, “Kid #1,” FOLLOWING YONDER STAR) visiting his grandpa (Darren Felbel, ALWAYS AND FOREVER CHRISTMAS, OUR CHRISTMAS LOVE SONG) and getting freaked out by an outburst about Santa punishing the naughty, then witnessing the murder of his parents by a man in a Santa costume. So I figured it was gonna mostly follow the original, but that’s not the case at all. Writer/director Mike P. Nelson (WRONG TURN [2021], Angry Orchard and the Jason Un1v3rse present SWEET REVENGE) understands that not much is sacred about SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. You mostly just gotta have a Killer Santa. So Nelson plays around with our assumptions of what’s going on, and takes us for a fun ride.

First, a time jump to adult Billy (Rohan Campbell, a.k.a. Corey Cunningham from HALLOWEEN ENDS!) in a hotel having a bad time. You know, it’s that type of time jump where you start the movie with the traumatic past event and then you cut to the present with the person waking up from a nightmare. It tells us the first part was exactly what really happened but also the dream he just had, and even though we have had dreams before and know for sure that’s not how they work we still accept it because movies are magic and besides, it’s Christmas. Have a heart. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 17th, 2025 | 9 Comments »

Fuck My Son!

FUCK MY SON! is a movie that, for the foreseeable future, you’re only gonna see if it comes to your town as part of a road show. Writer/director Todd Rohal (THE GUATEMALAN HANDSHAKE, THE CATECHISM CATACLYSM) is traveling around with a 35mm print that hit Seattle last weekend and has many more stops lined up.

Rohal says he plans to do that for at least a year, and that he’ll never license it to streaming, though eventually it will come to physical media. But it’s the kind of thing that if you’re gonna have a great time it’s probly gonna be in a midnight movie (for me 8pm) type scenario laughing, cringing and groaning together with other area weirdos. Did I mention it’s called FUCK MY SON!?

It’s based on a comic book by Johnny Ryan (Looney Tunes Cartoons, Who Raped My Horse?), and this screening started with a puppet show based on another Ryan comic, followed by a discussion between Ryan and fellow alternative comix legend Peter Bagge. The former was grossed out by the fake poop left on the ground by the puppeteers and made Rohal clean it up. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 10th, 2025 | 31 Comments »

The Catechism Cataclysm

THE CATECHISM CATACLYSM (2011) is weirdly-titled Todd Rohal comedy #2, and truly the only thing I knew about it was that the OCN partner label Factory 25 gave it a special edition blu-ray a few years ago and some people seemed to think it was some type of cult classic. I feel pretty ignorant now because it turns out it’s a Seattle production and I even know a couple people in the credits. I had no idea.

I also didn’t know that it’s a two-hander with two actors I like who I’ve never seen in lead roles like this before. Steve Little, who I know as Kenny Powers’ sycophantic sidekick Stevie Janowski on Eastbound & Down, plays a very similar character here, except that he has somehow become a priest. Father Billy causes concern with the elders when they overhear him telling a long story to his Bible study group and admitting it’s not biblical, not allegorical, just some crazy shit he read on the internet. “It was more of a joke story,” he explains when asked how it pertains to their discussion of Deuteronomy. He’s also into heavy metal, calls everybody “dude,” and doesn’t know how to modulate in front of people who expect him to behave like a grown adult and/or clergyman. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 9th, 2025 | 3 Comments »

The Guatemalan Handshake

Recently I got invited to see this new movie called FUCK MY SON!. It’s a disgusting x-rated comedy based on a Johnny Ryan comic, meant as a theatrical experience, they’re road-showing a 35mm print around and it was in Seattle on Friday and Saturday. Beforehand I looked at writer/director Todd Rohal’s filmography and noticed two titles I’d been vaguely aware of for many years. I really had no idea what they were about, just that somebody some time told me they were good. I decided to watch those and review them before the new one, so today we’ll be discussing Rohal’s 2006 debut THE GUATEMALAN HANDSHAKE. It’s the very definition of a “not for everyone” movie, though in an entirely different way than FUCK MY SON!. But I liked it, so I’ll tell you about it in case you’re not everyone.

There is a Guatemalan character in the movie, but I couldn’t tell you what the title means. Other aspects I could describe but not explain. It’s a very odd, absurd but dry comedy (arguably dramedy?) about a group of interconnected characters going on with life after the simultaneous disappearances of a guy named Donald (Will Oldham, WENDY AND LUCY, JACKASS 3D, THE BIKERIDERS), his dad’s goofy electric car, and an old lady’s dog. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 8th, 2025 | 3 Comments »

Christmas Eve in Miller’s Point

CHRISTMAS EVE IN MILLER’S POINT is a movie that I heard about last Christmas but it wasn’t on video yet. Some people were really flipping for it and that’s really all I knew about it, so I checked it out when I saw it was on blu-ray this week.

I think what they were responding to is that it’s very old school in many ways: beautiful cinematography, big ensemble cast of mostly unfamiliar faces who seem very natural, an emphasis on characters and moments over any sort of plot, a shockingly low amount of conflict. It’s about a huge family get-together and involves multiple age groups but the movie it most reminds me of is AMERICAN GRAFFITI. Probly not coincidentally the cast features a couple children of George Lucas’s friends (Francesca Scorsese and Sawyer Spielberg).

Of course, that led to a horrifying realization that AMERICAN GRAFFITI was set 11 years before the time of its release, while this is set sometime in the aughts, so it’s more like 20 years ago, but doesn’t seem like it. The biggest differences are flip phones and one family still has a station wagon with faux-wood paneling. It kinda feels timeless though because the music is much older and the fashions aren’t very aggressive. It could almost be five years ago, or thirty, or forty. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 4th, 2025 | 6 Comments »

Good Boy

GOOD BOY is a 2025 indie horror movie with a high-difficulty gimmick: the main character is a dog. Played by a dog. I’ve heard it said that it’s in the point-of-view of the dog, but that’s not the case literally (because the camera is usually on the dog’s face) or narratively (because I’ll be damned if I knew what the dog’s thoughts were on all this). But as human events play out nearby the camera is always paying more attention to this dog named Indy (played by director Ben Leonberg’s dog Indy), and that does feel fresh.

It really seems like Leonberg and co-writer Alex Cannon built the story around what they could get Indy to do, so in that sense it’s a star vehicle just like they used to make for martial artists. Of course, they filmed the dog for three years trying to get his performance right. Most kickboxing champions didn’t have that luxury. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 2nd, 2025 | 12 Comments »

Bacurau

BACURAU is a weird 2019 Brazilian film that I know my friend Charles recommended to me years ago. Udo Kier is in it, and his death reminded me to finally get around to seeing it. Only the next day did I realize that Kleber Mendonça Filho, who wrote and directed it with Juliano Dornelles, finally has a followup and it’s THE SECRET AGENT, which just came out and has been getting great reviews. So there’s another title added to my list to hopefully not take as long to get around to.

The title BACURAU refers to the setting, a fictional settlement in western Pernambuco. It’s “a few years from now” and things are pretty surreal. Protagonist Teresa (Bárbara Colen) has been away for some years, but she’s coming home for her grandmother’s funeral, riding in a water truck that runs over a bunch of empty coffins dumped on the road by a crash. Feels kinda poetic, but I don’t know what it would mean. Definitely ominous. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 1st, 2025 | 8 Comments »

Deathstalker (2025)

I was a child of the 1980s, but not of HBO or Showtime. That’s probly why I never saw DEATHSTALKER (1983) until last week. Still, I knew the idea of DEATHSTALKER enough to be excited when I read that it was getting a rebootmakemagining from writer/director Steven Kostanski, the Canadian goofball who gave us PSYCHO GOREMAN, FRANKIE FREAKO, the makeup effects for IN A VIOLENT NATURE, and more. My hopes got even higher when I learned that it would star Daniel Bernhardt, one of the great henchmen of the JOHN WICK era but not usually a leading man since his days headlining the BLOODSPORT sequels. He was fun in the ‘90s but now he’s more distinguished, he has a giant sword, and there’s goblins and magic and shit everywhere. Some things do get better.

I asked around, and it does not seem to be a controversial statement that the remake is way better than the original. I kinda enjoyed catching up with that one, it has more flavor than some of the other CONAN cash-ins, and Lana Clarkson is in it pre BARBARIAN QUEEN, but I’ve already pretty much forgotten it. People seem to be fonder of DEATHSTALKER II, which is played for intentional laughs (but also a little chintzier). I’d say Kostanski’s is way better than both, and kind of pitched in the middle of them tonally. It definitely has some great jokes in it but overall seems to be sincere in its goal of having a great time with the swords and the sorcery. It’s a swordablast. (read the rest of this shit…)

November 26th, 2025 | 9 Comments »

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