"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Toxic: A Fairy Tale For Grown-Ups

TOXIC: A FAIRY TALE FOR GROWN-UPS is a new Kannada-language Indian film that I went and saw at the multiplex on opening day last week. I’d been waiting for it since they played the trailer before RZA’s ONE SPOON OF CHOCOLATE and I felt like I’d seen God. I think it already left that theater, but maybe you can find it in your area, so I want to get the word out. I’m a TOXIC crusader.

I was already sold on the movie when I learned that American martial arts legend J.J. “Loco” Perry (competitor in BLOODSPORT III, choreographer of UNDISPUTED II) is one of the action directors. That makes it an event in my book. You might wonder why he’d want to go overseas to work behind the scenes after graduating to director with DAY SHIFT, THE KILLER’S GAME and AFTERBURN, but this was an opportunity he couldn’t turn down. In a Q&A at Big Bad Film Fest recently (as heard on Action for Everyone), he said that UNDISPUTED II was shot in 30 days, all the movies he’s directed were 42, Chad Stahelski’s upcoming HIGHLANDER was 125, but TOXIC was 225! It’s one of the most expensive movies ever made in India, and taking a whipping in their media for not making the money back. But ACAB includes armchair studio accountants, so I will break with those pigs and thank the producers for investing so much in my entertainment.

TOXIC is an operatic, ultra-maximalist gangster action movie co-written, produced and starring (in a dual role) a superstar called Yash, credited as “Rocking Star Yash.” That it’s directed and co-written by a woman, the former actress Geetu Mohandas, adds an interesting layer to its depiction of masculinity, which is so over the top there’s simply no chance we’ll ever be able to locate the top again. R.I.P. The Top. (read the rest of this shit…)

September 3rd, 2026 | 8 Comments »

Matilda / Chain Reaction

August 2, 1996

Roald Dahl was my favorite author when I was a little kid, but I didn’t know his book Matilda because it didn’t come out until ’88. Watching the movie version again the story seems kinda sweet and wholesome by his standards, even though it envisions the world as a place full of cruel, crude idiots. Its warmth lies in its heroine, a smart girl who finds an angelically supportive teacher to help her through her difficulties. Similar idea, but a little more pure than a poor boy winning a chocolate factory. (I wasn’t that surprised when I read that an editor had to talk Dahl out of his initial version where Matilda uses her psychokinetic powers to torment innocent parents and help her teacher gamble.)

Director Danny DeVito (THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN) must’ve still been concerned about MATILDA (adapted by Nicholas Kazan [MOBSTERS, DREAM LOVER] and Robin Swicord [SHAG]) being a little mean, because he cast himself as the kind-sounding narrator to balance out playing the asshole dad, Harry Wormwood. Harry and his wife Zinnia (Rhea Perlman, CLASS ACT) somehow raised their daughter Matilda (the precocious Mara Wilson, MRS. DOUBTFIRE) to the age of six without noticing – or at least not approving of – her brilliance. She loves to read, but has to sneak out to go to the library. Harry, an unethical used car salesman, forces her to watch TV junk and refuses to let her go to school, because “Who would sign for the packages?”

She’s delighted when he finally enrolls her at Crunchem Hall Elementary, but unfortunately it was just to help sell a car to principal Agatha Trunchbull (Pam Ferris, MEANTIME), an abusive monster who has a dartboard with pictures of students in her office and frequently locks kids in an iron maiden closet she calls “the Chokey.” A former shot putter, hammer and javelin thrower who competed in the 1972 Summer Olympics, she uses those skills to throw children long distances. Somebody should do something about this, but nobody’s up to it. (read the rest of this shit…)

September 2nd, 2026 | 11 Comments »

Coyote vs. Acme

It’s not that high of praise to say COYOTE VS. ACME is the best Looney Tunes movie. So how about the only Looney Tunes movie they should make?

I mean I think SPACE JAM is kind of funny, they’re not all DAFFY DUCK’S MOVIE: FANTASY ISLAND, but these characters were made for shorts. The feature length HOW THE EARTH BLEW UP: A LOONEY TUNES MOVIE really couldn’t match the energy of the brilliant show by the same people, and it’s even worse when they pretend all these characters are friends and have them standing around together like The Muppets. But this new one is different. Instead of setting out to come up with a new Bugs Bunny movie or whatever it comes from a 1990 New Yorker article by Ian Frazier about what would happen if Wile E. Coyote tried to sue the Acme Corporation over all the defective products he’s bought from them.

It’s a rock solid concept combining the joke conventions of the Road Runner cartoons with the format of a court room thriller, or an ERIN BROCKOVICH type whistleblower drama. I knew the idea going in but I still got such a good, deep laugh from the way it’s laid out: Wile E. (as everyone calls him), fresh from another day of catastrophically failing to catch the Road Runner using various contraptions, returns to his cave, where an ad on the TV catches his attention. The questionable attorney Kevin Avery (Will Forte, LIFE OF CRIME), who specializes in cartoon law, is asking if you’ve ever experienced things like pushing a detonator but the detonator blows up, or pulling a ripcord and only silverware comes out – things we see in flashes of classic Wile E. Coyote shorts. If so, you could be entitled to compensation.

The trouble is Kevin isn’t ready for a case like Wile E.’s. He believes he can quickly settle for $300 over faulty rocket skates, but Wile E. – who communicates through gestures and “a limited number” of signs – has a literal mountain of other failed Acme products. When, to Kevin’s horror, the petition goes to Acme’s intimidating head counsel Buddy Crane (John Cena, 12 ROUNDS), he’s offered what would be his biggest settlement ever… but Wile E. literally tears it up and sets it on fire. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 31st, 2026 | 15 Comments »

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma

TEENAGE SEX AND DEATH AT CAMP MIASMA is the third movie from writer/director Jane Schoenbrun. I haven’t seen WE’RE ALL GOING TO THE WORLD’S FAIR (2021), but I did see I SAW THE TV GLOW (2024), which was released by A24 to great acclaim and adulation.

I confess I didn’t get that one. Didn’t even feel qualified to review it. I love its look, and I was impressed by its creation of a ‘90s tv show called The Pink Opaque that its characters are obsessed with. It’s like the show Videodrome would make in response to the popularity of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But I struggled with watching Justice Smith, who was so charismatic on The Get Down, play such a charmless, passive lead. I’ve read that’s because it’s a trans allegory and the character is repressed, and that’s another thing: there is no way on earth that I would know this was a trans allegory without reading about it. It’s interesting to read about, and it’s a movie that means so much to so many (including plenty of cis people I know), but I simply can’t decode it. I can appreciate the vibes, but in that case it wasn’t enough.

CAMP MIASMA is another trans allegory, but it’s more on my frequency. Maybe some of the very specialized things it’s about are also more universal, or maybe it’s just that it’s funnier. But it sure doesn’t hurt that it’s about slasher movies. Up and coming young indie director Kris Williams (Hannah Einbinder, Hacks) has been hired to reboot a long-running, now moribund summer camp slasher series called CAMP MIASMA. The opening credits have a very detailed montage of franchise history, with 14 movies that mostly line up with the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels, except there’s a Christmas one and an ARMY OF DARKNESS one and I think a HALLOWEEN 6 thorn cult reference. The most important inspiration, though, is SLEEPAWAY CAMP, with the killer’s psychosis attributed to being raised as both a boy and a girl. Kris says they hired her, a known lesbian, in a cynical attempt to launder the problematicness out of the i.p. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 27th, 2026 | 18 Comments »

Tuner

TUNER is a pretty simple and well-constructed little crime movie, about a quiet, unassuming protagonist with very specific talents, vulnerabilities and needs. It feels like it could’ve come from some brilliant but under-the-radar paperback, a quick but satisfying read. One thing that makes it distinct is that it’s also a romance – more of a romance than a crime movie, arguably – and it managed to get me more invested in the relationship than the stealing. And feel okay about that.

Niki (Leo Woodall, TONY) is a young piano tuner, the apprentice of Harry Horowitz (Dustin Hoffman, MEGALOPOLIS), who was friends with his late father, and treats him like a beloved nephew. When Harry’s not talking Niki’s ear off about the old days he’s telling everybody what a brilliant musician Niki used to be. Before he stopped, you know. Over time we learn that the devices in Niki’s ears are not hearing aids, they’re to protect him from loud noises, because he’s developed hyperacusis, a condition that makes him very sensitive to sounds. Years of painful exposure therapy helped him to listen to piano again, and he still has perfect pitch. But he gave up on playing, seemingly content in this humble life of being condescended to by the rich people who still own pianos, but at least hanging out with this goofy old man he loves. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 25th, 2026 | 7 Comments »

Kingpin

July 26, 1996

You know I love THE CABLE GUY, and there’s another favorite coming up, but to me there’s no doubt that KINGPIN is the comedy of 1996. In fact, I think it’s somewhere in my personal top ten comedies of all time, somewhere beneath PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE, THE BLUES BROTHERS, THE BIG LEBOWSKI and TALLADEGA NIGHTS.

It’s the second film from Peter & Bobby Farrelly (now a team directing a script by Golden Girls writers Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan), and definitely my favorite of theirs. I think of them as a little cheesy now, but the filmmaking in this one is strong, and that’s part of why it works. It’s stuffed with broad, rapid fire jokes, but it looks and feels like A Real Movie. It’s way funnier and sillier than the average comedy, but at the end when it acts like I care about the characters mending their relationships and getting what they want, it’s not being presumptuous. I really do! It’s a very precise tone that I rarely see pulled off this successfully.

I gotta give some credit to cinematographer Mark Irwin (SCANNERS, NIGHT SCHOOL, THE PROTECTOR, THE BLOB) and also to costume designer Mary Zophres (PCU), who did FARGO the same year and later returned to bowling wear for THE BIG LEBOWSKI. She creates such a world out of polyester and dagger collars, riding the exact line between sort of cool ‘70s swagger and completely out of touch loser. This is a movie where you can have a combover that almost counts as a separate character, yet feel confident putting Elvis Presley or Evel Knievel style showmanship in your outfit.

(read the rest of this shit…)

August 24th, 2026 | 18 Comments »

The Adventures of Pinocchio / Manny & Lo

July 26, 1996

Today in Slam Evil Summer catch-up I have a double feature of films released on the same day, both about wayward youth traveling around having adventures, getting into trouble, and finding parental figures. The first of these youths is a wooden puppet voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas (THE LION KING).

I did see THE ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO at the time, and vaguely remembered it having a good puppet (by Jim Henson Creature Shop), an animated cricket, Udo Kier as the bad guy, and especially (since I was still cleaning theaters) two original Stevie Wonder songs on the end credits (“Kiss Lonely Good-Bye” and “Hold On To Your Dream,” and he also provided an instrumental called “Pinocchio’s Evolution”). I think I found it watchable enough. I always like animatronics and seeing different takes on Pinocchio, so I was down to watch it again.

It’s the fourth film from “Billie Jean” video director Steve Barron, following ELECTRIC DREAMS, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES and CONEHEADS – a master of movies with elaborate special effects that make them seem sort of good without being very actually good. In my opinion. It makes sense that this is from New Line Cinema. It’s a pretty New Line Cinema movie. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 20th, 2026 | 5 Comments »

Joe’s Apartment

July 26, 1996

I talked earlier in this series about HARRIET THE SPY and how it was a Nickelodeon production that sort of had its roots in an interstitial-turned-special-turned show made by quirky, creative people with vision. A major cable network farm-teaming artists and giving them opportunities. Now we have JOE’S APARTMENT, the first theatrical film from Nick’s older-sister network MTV, expanded from a CableACE Award-winning 2-minute short they’d used as filler. Writer/director John Payson had worked on the animated intros to MTV shows including Remote Control, The Big Picture and Just Say Julie, plus been a producer on Liquid Television and the Henry Selick short Slow Bob in the Lower Dimensions. That’s great work and an incredibly cool world to come out of, but does it translate to knowing how to write and direct a mostly live action feature film?

In this case no. Maybe yes in other cases, I don’t know.

In the feature version the titular Joe is played by Jerry O’Connell (STAND BY ME) in only his fifth movie, even including “uncredited kid at beach” in POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH. He’s a hapless dork who takes the bus from Iowa to New York City and has kind of the “Living For the City” experience.There’s a joke that he’s narrating his trip as a letter to his mother but he gets interrupted by three different muggings.

The movie is premised not only on the city’s reputation as a crime-ridden hellscape, but also as a refuge for art weirdos thanks to rent control. Joe meets a guy named Walter Shit (Randee of the Redwoods himself, Jim Turner) of the band Shit by being the only person to check on him laying on the sidewalk in a pool of blood (as an art project). It’s Walter who finds Joe the titular apartment because they happen to be walking by when an old lady is thrown to her death out of her window and Walter pushes Joe to pretend he’s her son. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 18th, 2026 | 6 Comments »

A Time to Kill

July 24, 1996

A TIME TO KILL is a court room drama, but it was in the top ten of the domestic box office for 1996. It made more than some noisier movies like ERASER, THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, BROKEN ARROW, and EXECUTIVE DECISION. That used to be a thing that could happen. Of course, it was kind a name brand, because it came from the first book by John Grisham, and there had already been movies of THE FIRM (1993), THE PELICAN BRIEF (1993) and THE CLIENT (1994). And this one came from the same director and writer as THE CLIENT, Joel Schumacher and Akiva Goldsman. (They sandwiched this between BATMAN FOREVER and BATMAN & ROBIN.)

I remember all the hype about Schumacher choosing the virtually unknown Matthew McConaughey for the lead role of Mississippi attorney Jake Brigance. The actor had made an impression in DAZED AND CONFUSED, and had recently been in LONE STAR, but most people had never heard of him, and this was his first lead role. Schumacher was talking him up as the next big thing, and it worked! Soon after this he did CONTACT and AMISTAD. Watching it now it doesn’t seem like that flashy of a role, it just seems like McConaughey, but I guess it was more exciting when it was new. He definitely stands out in the movie by being Texan and not doing an outrageous southern accent like Kevin Spacey and Donald Sutherland do. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 17th, 2026 | 30 Comments »

Faces of Death (2026)

I know we’re supposed to be cynical about i.p. and remakes and what not, but I am a child of Freddy, so to my mind franchising has always been one of the elements of horror. It doesn’t have to be the main one, it could be low on the totem pole, like beatboxing in hip hop. But it’s always gonna have some appeal to me when they do it right.

Is FACES OF DEATH even horror, though? I guess it is now. The 2026 film of that title is one of the more inventive brand refreshes, or whatever you want to call it. It’s not exactly a remake of the most notorious title in home video history, because the original purported to be a documentary, a sort of video essay/mondo film by pathologist Francis B. Gröss (actor Michael Carr). He narrates a collection of gruesome videos involving death: an alligator attack, a police shootout, a corpse washed up on a beach, an execution, people eating monkey brains, fun stuff like that.

Like any child in the ‘80s I heard legends of FACES OF DEATH and took everybody’s word for it that it was the real deal. Then in high school I took part in this group, not a debate club, mostly a social activity, but we got together to discuss/argue different topics, for example whether or not executions should be televised. It’s one of those insane questions people used to pretend was important to consider. Would it be a deterrent to criminals? Would it jolt society into rethinking capital punishment? And somebody said well, if we’re going to consider it then we should really understand what it means. So we watched the electric chair scene from FACES OF DEATH. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 14th, 2026 | 13 Comments »

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