Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

Trying a new approach

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013


Even though you’re mad at me for liking the EVIL DEAD remake hopefully you’ll all be sticking around for a while, so let’s discuss some business. You might’ve noticed I changed some things on the sidebar and added a Paypal tip jar/donation box, as some of you suggested a long time ago. I am a proud man and haven’t begged for money before so I figured I should explain myself. (read the rest of this shit…)

Holy shit, some good news for once

Friday, April 5th, 2013


I don’t know if this means McTiernan let him out on the way in or what. And seriously, reading this did remind me I gotta do my taxes.

UPDATE: He’s on house arrest until July 18th, so if they plan to film EXPENDABLES 3 before then hopefully he has a big backyard.

to do list:

1. that James Brown biopic Spike Lee wants him to star in
2. show up at the end of AVENGERS 2, decapitate that dumb space monster guy and strut off
3. also make an appearance in the movie as Blade, although the previously described scene would be as himself
4. Get a new tax guy. I’m sure he’s done this already.
5. Make amends with David S. Goyer just in case the Marvel thing doesn’t work out.6. commentary track for that GALLOWWALKER thing
7. after rekindling Sly friendship in EXPENDABLES 3 move on to BULLET TO THE HEAD II. (this assumes part 1 is massive video hit like AUSTIN POWERS)
8. whatever the fuck he wants to do. He’s Wesley Snipes.

thanks to Matt L. for the tip


Roger Ebert

Friday, April 5th, 2013

tn_ebertWell, I know I’m late to this wake, and many people have written more thorough and more personal words about Mr. Ebert than I could. The closest I ever came to meeting him was when a commenter here chose the name “Simulacrum of Roger Ebert” and I wanted so badly to believe it might be him that I decided maybe it was and made a fool of myself. (Don’t worry bud, all is forgiven.) But I want to say something because I really believe I might not be doing what I’m doing with my life if not for Siskel & Ebert. Which might be a positive for my financial future but otherwise would suck.

Ebert had the type of broad attitude towards movies that I try to encourage. Like expected from a film critic before the internet he was big on film history (did a great commentary track on CITIZEN KANE), loved the foreign films and all that. But he was also very open to the lowbrow. He assumed he was speaking to smart people and yet didn’t act like a snob. You would see Gene and Roger get excited about action movies (see below), kid’s movies, whatever. If they loved it they would stand up for it and not be ashamed and that’s when they were at their best. (although it was hilarious when they fought.) (read the rest of this shit…)

Another new design at Vern’s Flea Market: Argyle

Friday, March 15th, 2013

Okay, I appreciate everybody’s patience with the last couple designs. Now here’s one that some Val Verdian’s might actually want to wear. This is a ’70s iron-on inspired design honoring one of the under-recognized greats of cinema along with one of his most significant action achievements.


New design at Vern’s Flea Market: Pauline Kael

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I read about movies alot, and I come across these articles all the time about “are critics relevant anymore?” I read about veteran critics being laid off and about movies not being screened for critics and I see comments all the time from people who don’t seem to understand what the point of criticism is, people who claim to love movies but to hate critics. I read interviews where filmatists dismiss the role of critics. They’re people who grew up obsessed with movies, but not enough to, like, read words and shit about them. You’d think they’d want to devour other people’s interpretations of movies and find out about movies they never heard of or revisit old favorites from different angles. But nope. They hate critics.

I thought about all that stuff when I came across this logo:

paulinekael (read the rest of this shit…)

Oscars 2013

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

tn_oscarclintOn this, the 10th 20th anniversary of the correct movie winning best picture, we celebrate by having that smarmy millionaire dick from the Comedy Central Roasts and the Fox cartoons sing fake-edgy show tunes and make Hitler jokes, but hopefully it’ll still be fun. I’m kinda bummed that ARGO seems to be headed for best picture, but way worse movies have won before. I’ll be rooting for LINCOLN as the one that has a chance to win (ZERO DARK THIRTY is too misunderstood and DJANGO UNCHAINED is too awesome). Remember, if LINCOLN or DJANGO does not win it proves that Hollywood is pro-slavery.

I’ll be rooting for Honest Abe, who I think is a shoo-in, but I can be bad as these things. I’ll be rooting for Catwoman, even though I got a thing for Li’l Mystique and she might take it. I’d like PARANORMAN to pull off an upset, but I doubt it, so I’ll take WRECK-IT RALPH.

I’ll be kinda mad if LINCOLN doesn’t get best adapted, for many reasons, some mentioned in the link below. I’ll be rooting for ZERO DARK THIRTY in original, but would also be thrilled if Tarantino or Anderson somehow got it. And if they cut to Bruce in the audience.

I definitely want Kathryn Bigelow for director. Oh wait. Okay, Spielberg.

I do not recommend drinking games but if you do them I suggest drinking for McFarlane making a Hitler reference, for cutting to Chris Tucker after another black person speaks on stage, for jokes about ZERO DARK THIRTY and torture, and references to the N-word being used alot in DJANGO UNCHAINED. Or Jamie Foxx’s balls being shown.

Anyway everybody have fun and please share your thoughts below. This is recommended for participants only and not “I don’t watch the Oscars because such-and-such” sticks-in-the-mud.

UPDATE: How I did on my predictions (SPOILER: poorly)

Over on this Fanhattan thing me and some other writers wrote about who we thought would win in some of the categories and why. I would’ve changed some of my predictions if I’d written them more recently, but wouldn’t have done that much better (except I would’ve caught up with everybody and called ARGO for best picture. Back then it seemed like a ridiculous notion to me).

Here are the posts and whether I was right or not.

Best Actor/Actress

Actor: Right. Actress: Wrong.

Best Supporting Actor/Actress

Supporting Actor: Wrong. Did not see that coming at all. Supporting Actress: Right.

Best screenplay

Original: Wrong. Total surprise. Adapted: Wrong. Total outrage.

Best director

Totally wrong.

I can’t seem to find the posts for best animated feature or best picture, but I believe I called WRECK-IT RALPH and LINCOLN.

Total: 2 out of 9. Sorry America.


Let’s talk about UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING video releases

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

tn_USDoRRemember when we saw those early reviews saying that UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING was confusing and made no sense? Most of us thought they were wrong about the movie, but it turns out they accurately predicted the video release. The obvious straightforward thing to do would be to release the original uncut version of the movie and a 3D blu-ray for those who are equipped. But I guess in tribute to the movie’s unorthodox approach they decided to go with a release that’s more… elliptical.

DAY OF RECKONING received an NC-17 rating and had to be trimmed. The uncut version played at festivals, but those of us who saw it on-demand saw a version with some of the violence trimmed to get an R-rating. This cut version is now the only one available on disc in Region 1/A. If you want the uncut version here I’ve been told it’s available as a digital download.
(read the rest of this shit…)

My most anticipated non-Mad Max movie right now

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Warning: this full length trailer for FURIOUS 6 (as I’m still hoping they’ll abbreviate it) is one of those trailers that seems to tell you the whole plot and show about 10 or more huge money shots. But I couldn’t resist watching it. A couple times. It looks amazing.

I knew Gina was gonna get to fight Letty.

Oscar shit here

Thursday, January 10th, 2013

This is a pre-emptive post to make sure the ZERO DARK THIRTY comments don’t turn into Oscar nomination talk. Let’s do that shit here.

I for one am outraged that UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING didn’t get anything. (unless it did?)

more to come…

Kill You Last #1

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013

tn_killyoulastI was proud to do another piece for the Village Voice this week, but that’s not the only place I’m in print. I also got interviewed for a new zine called Kill You Last, which is all about action movies. Check out the logo there. Can anyone tell me where the ‘YOU’ comes from? I know the other two.

I never got interviewed by a zine before – also, I didn’t know that people still made them – but this guy Wil explained to me what he wanted to do and I knew it was up my alley. He writes passionately about action movie topics such as going to the EXPENDABLES 2 premiere, mediocre Bruce Willis movies, ’80s VHS covers, some asshole that wrote a book about Seagal, etc. I haven’t read the whole thing yet, and I strongly disagree with his take on HAYWIRE, but I like what he’s doing. The best topic in there is an interview with somebody who’s working on a documentary called CHUCK NORRIS VS. COMMUNISM about an underground network that smuggled bootlegs of American action movies into communist Romania.

Here’s where to get KILL YOU LAST