"I got news for 'em. There's gonna be hell to pay. 'Cause I ain't daddy's little boy no more."

Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

Evil Dead remake trailer

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

I got mixed feelings on this one. On one hand, it makes me sad to think that some kids are gonna be dumb and not ever watch the real EVIL DEAD. Also, on that same hand, there is really no need to re-do THE EVIL DEAD, which is a completely timeless movie that can’t really be recaptured, matched or topped.

On the other hand, this does look well done and fun. And I like that it’s Raimi and friends overseeing the inevitable recycling of their material, trying to do it right. This is what Wes Craven has done also and I believe he succeeded in the cases of THE HILLS HAVE EYES and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (though not THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2, sadly).

What I really love about this though is that it’s not, in this trailer anyway, comedic. THE EVIL DEAD does have some grim humor to it, like the choice of music for the end credits. But it is not a comedy, not a joke, it is a serious balls to the wall grab you by the face and slam you into the mud and then punch you in the back of the head type of drive-in fun time experience, or as the end credits so eloquently put it, “THE ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE IN GRUELING HORROR.” (I would’ve liked to see that phrase on this trailer.)

Because Bruce Campbell made the Ash persona so funny in the sequels and then turned himself into a cottage industry, we’ve had a couple generations now of horror fans that mainly think of EVIL DEAD as Ash saying “Hail to the king, baby.” And I love those movies (part 2 is my favorite of the trilogy) but I think that whole Ash thing has run its course and then lapped around and done like four or five victory laps and a reunion tour. Even the college kids have moved on to SHAUN OF THE DEAD as the go-to beginner cult horror movie. (or maybe that’s passe now too.)

What I’m saying is this is a rare set of circumstances where “rebooting” might be interesting. And by the way, I don’t want to see some bullshit fake Ash, so thank you for not doing that, remakers. I think we could use some grueling horror if it’s in the EVIL DEAD vein. Laughs can come later.

But holy shit, are they really bringing back the tree rape? Didn’t expect that.

There’s gonna be a NINJA 2

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Clint Morris at Moviehole is reporting the great news that Nu Image, Isaac Florentine and Scott Adkins are reuniting for a sequel to NINJA – or NINJ* as I’ve always spelled it (the asterisk is a throwing star) – expected to film early next year.

I know NINJA isn’t as popular as the UNDISPUTEDs, but it’s a favorite of mine. It has many great fights, an excellent villain with good motivations, and a few pulpy touches like a villainous oil company/cult. My favorite thing about it is that the opposing ninjas are fighting over a box of weapons. Not magic weapons, just some old weapons. It’s a matter of honor and tradition, nothing to do with saving the world or saving lives or anything. It’s like a modern Cannon movie, except way better than most Cannon movies like it. Can you name a better movie about a white guy adopted by a ninja clan? There are many white ninja movies, but I can’t think of a better one.

And I know they’re gonna try to take the credit away from him, but Obama can hold his head up proud because NINJA and NINJA 2 happened under his watch.

Here’s my original review from 2009.


Thursday, October 4th, 2012

This is actually a really good teaser for a movie I have very little faith in, due to a theory I share with the French relating to auteurs, and also due to having seen the works of screenwriter Skip Woods. Nice cinematography, lots of shooting, doesn’t look too slick or fakey. But who knows? I wish.

The one line in the trailer reminds me of a review I once wrote.

PARKER trailer

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?! I mean, it looks like it could be a pretty accurate adaptation of Flashfire, and an enjoyable Jason Statham vehicle. But why would you call it “Parker” and then hang the trailer on this “these are my rules” hook that is the opposite of the character and the reason he has lasted and the reason you bought the rights to make a movie out of him? What kind of man is willing to do that, knowing he has to look himself in the mirror again at some point before he dies? Wouldn’t it be easier, and better for all involved, and for society,  to just not do that? Obviously you don’t have rules or you wouldn’t have fucking made Parker say some shit like that!

Maybe you guys were thinking of the Transporter?

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning trailer #2

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

A better trailer. Looks like a totally different movie than REGENERATION. Devereaux really is the bad guy now? Should be interesting.

thanks to Stu for the heads up

NEW! The Viva Val Verde t-shirt

Monday, August 27th, 2012

Even if you’ve never adventured in the fictional South American country of Val Verde yourself, you may be familiar with its history from such films as COMMANDO, PREDATOR and DIE HARD 2. I know I am. And with my keen sense of observation and the power of high definition blu-ray technology I have spotted the Val Verde flag on the side of two planes in DIE HARD 2 and had it re-created by my crack team of t-shirt artisans.

click here to shirt up

VIVA VAL VERDE is not only an obscure reference and slogan of fictional national pride, but a rallying cry for fans of the larger-than-life movies of the Joel Silver/Arnold/Bruce era. Long live Val Verde and long live Old School Action.

This extraordinary t-shirt (also available in mug) is the inaugural product for my new project Vern’s Flea Market. This is probly classier than most of the other ones I’m gonna do, though. I want to take us all back to the late ’80s, early ’90s when you could go to the parking lot outside the 99 Cent store and young entrepreneurs would sell you such great t-shirts as Black Bart Simpson and Batman Symbol Except It Has Eyes. My designs will be even better. Collect ’em all, like pokeymans or whatever.

The internet’s only discussion of who should be in Expendables 3 and Expendables: The Women

Friday, August 24th, 2012

I mean, who am I trying to fool? Of course we’re gonna discuss this. We already started, so let’s make it the official exploratory committee. We have been through 2 (two) Expendastallments, we know how it works. Knowing what we know now, who do we want to see in part 3? Any new ideas of who should direct?

Furthermore, there is this producer of THE GREY who is working on what is described as “a female riff on THE EXPENDABLES” – let’s figure out who they should put in that.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Village Voice piece

Tuesday, August 21st, 2012

I wrote a piece for this week’s Village Voice, it’s about (hold onto your butts) the current state of action movies. Of course I wasn’t able to be as long-winded as I usually like to, but I think I managed to give a good explanation of my concept of Post-Action (with specific examples), the importance of action geography, how THE EXPENDABLES could be better, the renaissance in DTV (mentioning Florentine and Hyams), and favorite topics like that.

Thank you to film editor Alan Scherstuhl for giving me the opportunity to spread the word to a new audience, and printed on paper I believe. I like paper.

If you’re joining us here after reading the piece please say hi in the comments and stick around or dig through the archives for more detailed discussion of Badass Cinema and other topics.

Tony Scott

Monday, August 20th, 2012

Well, I’m sure we’ve all heard the shitty news by now. (I heard it here first, from Fred.) Director Tony Scott took his own life today.

I’m afraid I’ve written some not-nice things about Mr. Scott’s movies during my time here. DOMINO was one of my most hot-headed reviews ever, and after that I sort of used him as a symbol of directors who get carried away with the show-offy editing and lose all sense of filmatism. I don’t fool myself that Mr. Scott ever read that review or knew who I was, so I got nothing to feel guilty about there. But I just want to say that I certainly never meant anything against the man personally and I’m sorry that whatever he was going through pushed him to do what he did. Obviously a talented man who we all thought would be around longer and get more chances to win us back.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Two more trailers: The Last Stand and Bullet to the Head

Friday, August 17th, 2012

Hey, that’s nice. To celebrate the occasion of Expendables 2 we have trailers for upcoming Schwarzenegger and Stallone pictures, both from great directors. If you haven’t seen them I’ll show them to you.

First up we got THE LAST STAND from the director of BITTERSWEET LIFE, THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE WEIRD and I SAW THE DEVIL. I was hoping for something a little quieter and less Johnny-Knoxville-in-a-funny-hat than this looks, but I still thing it looks beautiful and appropriately absurd. I’ll take it.


Next up is the Walter Hill buddy movie. Keep in mind that Hill hasn’t directed a theatrical movie since UNDISPUTED in

For a minute I thought that was Shannen Doherty as his daughter. That would’ve been weird. Also I see Falsone from Homicide: Life On the Street is in there. And I didn’t know it but I guess I always wanted to see an ax fight between Rambo and Kal Drogo.