I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Clash of the Titans (2010)

tn_clashofthetitans10clashLike some sort of mythological Greek hero whose companions have been struck down in the midst of a daring journey,  I stand alone on this: I liked the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake.

I cannot lie. I thought it was good. Don’t sacrifice me to a kraken, I have the right to admit this publicly. Remember, the first amendment is about protecting all speech, no matter how vile. Just give me a chance to try to explain where I’m coming from here.

I probly saw it under better circumstances than most. I had pretty much written it off based on what everybody said, but the trailers for the sequel have such cool monsters that it inspired me to finally get around to renting this one. While alot of the people who told me it sucked saw it in reportedly shitty fake 3D, I saw it in vivid blu-ray. While they saw it when it was fresh and they were hoping for good things, I saw it after a couple years of everybody else grumbling. I also saw it a few days after Tarsem’s IMMORTALS, which I really expected to like, but found to be completely imboretal.

So I’ll be damned, Louis “Not as good HULK” Letterier’s remake is good pulpy fun, better looking and less jokey than THE SCORPION KING but with a similar knack for keeping things moving along and not being pouty and broody all the time. It’s finally the kind of rousing lowbrow fantasy adventure I’ve been waiting for since LORD OF THE RINGS gave birth to the Digital Age Fantasy Movie. It has what can be fun about low grade swordfests: a storyline built around a menagery of special effects monsters, operatic drama pulled from a mish mash of ancient myths and modern action archetypes, pretty clever ideas about what life might be like in a world where everybody knows there’s monsters and gods.

But it supports Vern’s Theory of Swords and Sorcery, which states that the most enjoyable ones have a tough guy as the hero (CONAN THE BARBARIAN, SCORPION KING, WOLFHOUND, sort of BEASTMASTER) and not a bland weenie (DRAGON SLAYER, LEGEND [as beautiful as it is], original CLASH OF THE TITANS, everything else) and direct, not-meandering story. The story here is not forged into a perfect blade like CONAN THE BARBARIAN (original), but I think it’s pretty good, using various methods to make it more involving and exciting than the 1981 version. I am about to become the historic first person to ever give it any credit for its writing. Please have my plaque ready when I’m finished.

mp_clashofthetitans10The smartest part of the movie that nobody acknowledges: The clash in this one is not only between sea-beast and demon-head, but also between Man and God. The world was created by Zeus, but let’s face it, Zeus is an asshole. I love the idea that humans get fed up with their shitty toga-wearing lives and decide to give the Gods (the 1%?) a piece of the ol’ garbage-can-through-the-window-of-Sal’s-Pizzeria. In a world where everybody knows that gods are real that sort of rebellion would be inevitable, right? You can do anything and you’re treating us like this? Can’t you use your magic powers to make shit more comfortable down here? Mortals would either have to live their lives cowering in fear or man up and clash with the titans.

The shit is on when humans give a statue of Zeus the Sadaam Hussein treatment and knock it off a cliff. And they basically go on strike, because Zeus (Liam Neeson from DARKMAN 1) needs their loving prayers, it’s his energy source. The only thing our side didn’t count on was that Hades (Ralph Fiennes, SCHINDLER’S LIST reunion) is powered by our fear and is using the opportunity to mount an olympian Mount Olympus coup. And come on man, even if Zeus didn’t live up to all his campaign promises I don’t think can we afford a Hades administration.

The big debate among humans, now that the war is started: should we just sacrifice this princess to stop the kraken from killing us, or should we fight the kraken? Argument #1 is like, shit is bad, so let’s put it all on this one authority figure. It’ll be easy. The Sacrificers stay behind to try that method while Perseus and his squad follow argument #2, the no-negotiating-with-terrorists route. Like in the original they go to the three witches to find out how to kill the kraken, those gals send them to Medusa, etc.

In this version Perseus is Sam Worthington of AVATAR and ROGUE fame. He gets alot of shit as an actor but I like him, I think he has a good tough-guy-with-inherent-integrity presence if not a great range so far. Whatever your trouble with him I will not accept you telling me that he’s a step down from Harry Hamlin. I mean come on, pal. Let’s be serious here. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but– Harry Hamlin.

Obviously with Worthington in the role it’s a much tougher Perseus. He doesn’t need magic weapons in this version. No invisibility, unpolished shield but good enough for a bit of a Medusa reflection, and he turns down the magic sword Zeus tries to give him. He doesn’t need Burgess Meredith either. To be fair to Hamlin-Perseus, I have to admit that Worthington-Perseus gets his sword skills as soon as he tries fighting, just because he’s half god. So I can’t claim he earns it all on his own. Also you can tell he’s part god because of his buzz cut. How else would you cut your hair like that back then other than magic? Still, he seems more like a hardworking half-god, and way more of a badass.

Worthington-Perseus doesn’t have time for no love story, he doesn’t do all this to impress a pretty girl. I’m not saying he’s gay, but he doesn’t give a shit about marrying or saving Andromeda. He just wants revenge on his biological father Zeus for raping his mother and killing his adoptive parents. To him Andromeda is just some lady tied up in front of the giant monster he wants to kill. Rescuing her is incidental. In fact, it’s more about not giving in than about saving a life. Sacrificing Andromeda is for sissies.

The witches he faces are a little freakier too. Instead of sharing a giant marble that they see with they have an actual eyeball, with the ocular muscle thing hanging off it and everything. He picks it up and dangles it over a ledge. Hamlin-Perseus would probly wince and make an “ew, gross!” face before picking it up, Worthington-Perseus doesn’t hesitate. He’s a Perseus that’ll get his hands dirty, you know?

On the topic of Bubo, the clockwork owl: they just use him as a punchline. In one scene Perseus pulls him out of a weapons locker and asks what it is, and he’s just told to put it back. It’s a funny joke aimed at those people who still hold a grudge against the cute thing that was in a movie they grew up on but not against the rest of the movie. But personally I’d like to see Bubo actually be a character and they could still use the same joke, like any time he shows up Perseus is grumbling “oh, for fuck’s sake” like it’s the most annoying thing in the world. Then both sides of this divisive Bubo issue would sort of get their way. I am a uniter.

One big improvement I can’t believe people don’t appreciate is the characters in his Fellowship of the Severed Head. In this one they have names and backstories, I could tell them apart and hoped they’d survive. He even has Mads Mikkelsen from VALHALLA RISING on his squad.

Calibos is pretty different in this version. He’s a guy (Jason Flemyng) in makeup, no calve’s legs or tail. He doesn’t look as cool, but he’s a more tragic character. This time he’s the king who was married to Perseus’s biological mother. When Zeus raped and impregnated her (more on that later) he got jealous and that’s why he (not her father) put her and the baby off to sea. Later he was outcast and turned into a monster and Hades further monstrifies him. So he’s a terrible person, I disagree with how he handles all this, but he did start out as a victim. So he gets a little Darth Vader moment at the end as he dies. Nice touch. Spoiler.

To me the key scene in winning me over is when they face the giant scorpions. Instead of sprouting out of Medusa’s blood toward the end it’s from Calibos’s blood early on. Calibos attacks our boys in the woods and runs away after Perseus cuts off his hand. Somebody asks “Who was that?” and Perseus says, “Let’s ask him.”

So they go after him and find some of his blood, which grows into a giant CGI scorpion that they have to fight. This is not something I usually do, but I would like to praise the handheld camerawork in this scene. It’s held by hand, but not in the shaky BOURNE type of way – it’s shot like the operator is actually trying to hold it still and get a clear shot of everything. And the lens gets some dirt and blood on it. It’s subtle, most people probly wouldn’t even really think about it. But subconsciously it adds a human touch and adds to the reality of this illusion that there really is a monster there and they’re really fighting it.

Killing the scorpion is a long and difficult ordeal for the team that ends with Perseus tearing out of the beast’s exo-skeleton covered in goo (see also BEOWFULF and JOHN CARTER). But they all laugh at him covered in scorpion goo, a cathartic release after a difficult challenge that they barely conquered.

Then they hear screaming, and some of their colleagues come running over the hill… followed by three more of those fucking things.

So it’s a good monster battle followed by a human moment followed by an “oh shit” moment. That would’ve been enough to get me on the movie’s side, and then they take it to the next level with these guys called the Djinn that show up. These are the coolest 21st century addition to the Titanverse. They’re dressed like desert nomads, they have glowing eyes and skin like cracked wood and they scare away the scorpions. Perseus’s boys explain that they’re evil sorcerers that you should stay the hell away from, but Perseus (being Worthington-Perseus) says, “Well, somebody should thank them.”

I'm gonna (SPOILER) miss this guy in the sequel.
I’m gonna (SPOILER) miss this guy in the sequel.

Before long one of these Djinns is on the team. Just one of the boys. Djinn don’t like the gods either, and Perseus isn’t as racist as everybody else, so he trusts this guy. This is so great to have a monster on the team. He’s kind of like an evil Chewbacca. He doesn’t speak English, he just makes a weird roar every once in a while when stating his opinion. The other thing is, the humans don’t team up with the Djinn at first, but when they run into them again they’ve domesticated the giant scorpion! Not just riding it, they have a tent built on top of it, and they invite our boys inside. There are shots just like in LORD OF THE RINGS, those helicopter shots of the team hiking on top of mountains on their journey, but in this one they’re riding on a giant scorpion, and it looks pretty real.

So let’s get this straight: Perseus’s mom’s husband, mutated by Perseus’s biological uncle, has blood that grows into a monster that Perseus now uses as a beast of burden. Small world, huh?

Considering the great special effects in the original CLASH it seems like they shouldn’t make this movie unless they can bring to the table the best effects work currently available. Well, that’s not exactly what they did, but there are definitely some cool monsters. The Kraken is especially cool, it seems convincingly enormous as the little Pegasus and bat creatures fly around it like butterflies to a man.

The one effects scene that I think could’ve been better is Medusa. She’s got alot to live up to with the original, and they do base her on Harryhausen’s snake-body design. I don’t know, she’s pretty cool, but the way she moves around real fast it doesn’t seem as real.  I have that problem with alot of cgi beasties. If they slowed down they’d have more character. And I think they should’ve kept Harryhausen’s ugly, scaled face. They go with a traditional pretty-faced Medusa, but they’re not up to the task of CGIing a realistic human.

But I definitely gotta give credit for the part after she’s been beheaded, where her body continues to wiggle around, blindly taking swipes hoping to hit him. Then it sort of flops over a ledge. This is some great animated acting in the Harryhausen tradition.

I think Pegasus on the ground was a real horse with wings added digitally, and that works really well. There’s one probly non-animated moment that reminded me alot of Harryhausen, when Perseus is unconscious on the shore and Pegasus tries to wake him up by stomping on the ground, splashing water. It seems like a genuine horse thing to do. (A good guy horse, not a bad Enumclaw type horse of our nightmares.)

So I think it’s a fun monsters & swords questing movie, but there’s also some weird stuff going on underneath the surface, not necessarily all intentional on the part of the filmatists, that I enjoy thinking about. For example there’s a mistreatment of women that’s ingrained in this culture. Perseus is the product of rape – Zeus morphed into the king to fuck his wife. And then he turned back into Zeus and grew wings and flew off, so she’d know what just happened. Not cool. But like I mentioned before the King isn’t any better to her – after she has baby Perseus he locks them both in a coffin and throws them in the sea. Talk about blaming the victim.

And poor Medusa has a tragic backstory too. They tell us she was a beautiful woman who was raped by Poseidon, so Athena made her into this turn-you-to-stone snake monster to prevent this from happening again. They mention something about hiding her away in this temple where women aren’t allowed so that other women wouldn’t be harmed by the stone-stare, but it definitely sounded to me like Athena was blaming poor Medusa, like she thought Poseidon couldn’t control himself or something. Incidentally, the GOP is currently trying to push this same turn-rape-victims-into-a-snake-monster women’s health care policy through in a couple states.

Anyway, it would be nice to see the ladies get some justice in Titanworld, but the movie treats them with a cold heart. We hear a good reason to feel bad for Medusa, then Perseus calls her a bitch and chops her head off. So he’s not the most enlightened movie hero and this is not a just world he lives in.

Look at his relationship with his dad. At first it’s there’s no need to argue, Zeus just don’t understand. But after the dust settles Zeus seems to have sort of a tentative support of his son. It’s like the estranged son grows up, he’s tasted kraken blood, he mellows out a little and tries to learn to get along with the dumb bastard that conceived him. And it’s imperfect but they give it a shot. But are we as an audience comfortable with this? Isn’t he a little buddy-buddy with Zeus considering it’s the guy that raped his mom? I can understand forgiving the releasing of the kraken and all that, but the other part…

One of the credited writers is Travis Beacham, the young man who did Guillermo Del Toro’s upcoming PACIFIC RIM. At some point his script was rewritten by Lawrence Kasdan for director Stephen BLADE Norrington, but whatever Kasdan contributed he didn’t end up getting credit. Somebody said there was alot of reshoots and moving plot points around and I know there’s a (not as good) alternate ending on the DVD. So it would probly be fair to say that some of this is messy writing and unresolved leftovers from previous drafts. But for me it works as extra flavoring, little ironies and questions to ruminate on after coming down off the high of a dude on a flying horse using a severed head in a bag to kill a sea monster the size of a mountain.

I liked this one. I apologize for any distress or turmoil I have caused you and your loved ones. I never wanted to hurt anybody, you gotta believe me.

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm and is filed under Fantasy/Swords, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

84 Responses to “Clash of the Titans (2010)”

  1. Darth Irritable

    March 29th, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    I quite liked this too – glad I’m not alone. It was also awesome to see Mads Mikkelsson in one of his rare “two intact working eyes” roles. Worthington’s got all the natural charisma of a piece of furniture (not sure who the better actor was in Avatar – him or his wheelchair), but he’s not bad as a surly badass. I also watched this in 2D only, so I didn’t have the same nauseatingly horrid 3D experience as some suckers.

  2. wow, what a pleasant surprise to learn that this is actually good, I guess it was the bad 3D that killed the movie for most people

    tell ya what, I’m not interested in seeing the sequel in 3D, but when it comes out on blu ray I’ll get both it and this one and have a Titans double feature

  3. I think it’s OK personally, I definitely felt it wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be, but I don’t think it’s very good or memorable. I completely disagree about the Scorpion fight, I thought that was choppily/confusingly edited. I remember being distinctly confused about how many scorpions there were and where they were geographically in relation to the characters. I also think Sam Worthington is pretty bland and boring in this as well. When he goes to give his big speech to the fellowship, it’s just laughable how weak it comes off. I did like the Medusa scene quite a bit though, and the stuff with the Kraken at the end was pretty impressive.

    The new one coming out this weekend looks downright awesome though, I’m really curious to see how that one pans out.

  4. Aw man. Validation. I bought this on blu ray after renting it and all my friends except one think I’m crazy because of it. I dunno, I had the same kind of reaction. After hearing it was the end of the world for cinema I just didn’t really think it was that bad. I went in with zero expectations and was surprised to find a fun adventure movie that looks really great in hi def.

  5. I remember hating the shit out of this movie and being a bit put off that the overtly arab character gets to be a hero by…being a suicide bomber. And the rape stuff was pretty weird too.

    However, this review makes the movie sound freaking awesome. Might have to rewatch it.

  6. I liked this one too and furthermore I actually like Sam Worthington too and the reasons you have already worded so well, Vern. Thank you.

    This film was supposed to be a ‘so bad it is good’ one but in the end I have found myself truly entertained and furthermore rooting for Perseus and his gang.

  7. Also what does ‘imboretal’ mean? I couldn’t find it in any dictionary.

  8. it means that movie was boring

  9. I gotta hand it to you, big guy: You’re not afraid to make the tough calls. The movie you’re describing sounds great: thematically intricate, skillfully shot, full of sand and verve. I wish it was the movie I saw, because that one had lifeless characters, blah action scenes, an ugly color palette, and zero personality. The whole thing felt…unconsidered, as if no one had given any of it much thought and just figured that if you had some monsters and swords and shit that the entertainment value would take care of itself. It wasn’t a terrible movie, but something even worse: a dull one. It’s a testament to your writing that right now I’m trusting your assessment more than my own. I might have to rent it to see if the expectations-shrinking power of DVD magically transforms it from “Well, that was a waste of $13.50” to “That was okay, I guess.”

  10. I had read that they changed around the ending quite a bit. Supposedly, Perseus goes after Zeus (if I remember correctly) towards the end of the movie, and they obviously don’t have a moment of shared understanding. My guess is that kind of ending wouldn’t fly in the U.S. with such a high level of religiosity. Americans look down on killing gods, even if they’re ones they don’t believe in.

  11. I suppose in the interest of Vern’s first amendment rights I should read the entire review, but I am pausing after the first paragraph instead to say this. I have never been more disappointed in anything I’ve ever read on this site! Vern, you are almost inevitably spot-on. Where did it go so wrong? I guess I’ll read the rest of the review now and hopefully learn the answer to that question.

  12. After reading the rest of the review, I do not have my answer, Vern. Every plot point, scene and beat you bring up in its favor has me thinking, “Oh yeah, that steaming pile.” And I too watched it at home a good year or more after the theatrical stink had faded, albeit in regular old HD instead of sparkling Blu Ray. On the other hand, I love your idea of having Bubo, the clockwork owl, keep showing up, leading to a grumbling Perseus (“Oh, for fuck’s sake” — brilliant!). THAT alone would have made it a great movie!

  13. OK, now I’ve read the comments too, and I see that I could have said in one reply what it’s taken me three to say: what Mr. Majestyk said.

  14. “Also what does ‘imboretal’ mean? I couldn’t find it in any dictionary.”
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The word’s not a googlewhack anymore!

  15. But I guess “googlewhack” is, because I got no fucking idea what “googlewhack” means.

  16. Never seen it actually, because quite frankly it looked….stupid. And not the good kind that could justify for me going to see GUY PEARCE IN SPACE or something like that.

    But thanks for the heads up Vern.

  17. you know this sort of thing just happens every so often guys, Vern likes a movie that the general consensus of is negative, personally that’s one of the things I love the most about Vern, that he’s willing to go against the grain

  18. CJ- a googlewhack is when you do a search on google and only get back a single result, which “imboretal” got when Vern first posted the review.

  19. I remember feeling like Clash of the Titans had at least a full hour of character and background stuff cut out when I saw it in theaters. Everything moved along so quickly and there were these interesting relationships that were rushed or otherwise mishandled, and as a consequence everything felt a little forced. I’d been hoping there would be a director’s cut or something eventually, but I guess with the sequel on the way they have to stick to their established canon. Such as it is.

    Still, your review has convinced me to give the movie a second chance. Wonder if it’s on netflix yet?

  20. Y’know, I was really hard on this when I saw it in theatres originally (trashed it when I review it on my site too). Since the wife is excited to see the sequel, and I’m a sucker for fantasy with huge monsters even if I suspect it’ll be more of the same, I decided to revisit the original without holding it up to the original (which is a childhood favorite). I’m of the frame of mind now that it’s just OK. I love the monsters (although Medusa was weak compared to the original), but the movie still just feels really rushed and everything that isn’t fighting feels like fluff to get the heroes from fight a to fight b.

    I think though, my main gripe with it, and I’m sure this will be the case with the sequel, is that these movies simply are not Greek mythology. They use the names and some of the settings, but that’s about it. I guess I just wished they could’ve put all of this incredible art design into an actual Greek mythology movie with an epic 2.5-3hr running time that followed the original stories, but maybe the studios figure no one who sees movies has an attentions span longer than 2 minutes so they just try to cram way to much into a 90 minute movie and it comes across as basically an extended trailer. In fact I even feel that the God of War videogames were a better representation of Greek mythology, and those stories totally changed and perverted the myths, but they just seemed to get things more correct.

    Oh well, I guess if I want mindless action with mythological monsters they can fill that void…

  21. man I just realized I made a lot of typos in that. Sorry about that.

  22. I was more forgiving of this film, Quantum of Solace, and Prince of Persia than I probably should be.

    Why?

    Gemma Arterton, that’s why.

  23. “Also you can tell he’s part god because of his buzz cut. How else would you cut your hair like that back then other than magic?”
    Speaking of which, what the hell is up with his hair in the sequel? He had something similar in MAN ON A LEDGE too.

  24. Jareth Cutestory

    March 30th, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    At the end of the day, I don’t think I disliked this version of CLASH OF THE TITANS any more than I disliked the last TERMINATOR movie or SALT. They’re utterly forgettable mainstream entertainments that will never be spoken of alongside the best films this decade has to offer.

    Yet I find the experience of sitting through forgettable mainstream movies much different now than I did 20 years ago. When I watched something equally forgettable in the 1990s, like ENEMY OF THE STATE, I was actually watching the movie. These days, I’m way more focused on what I perceive as the craven product that I am seeing on the screen. I don’t know if this is because I’m getting old, or because I’m half-consciously preparing to comment on the movie on this web site, or if the movies themselves are inherently different now than they were in the past.

  25. I agree, Vern! This was better than the original. If you look at the original in bluray now, it looks like an episode of Land Of The Lost.

  26. M. Prestwich (no relation)

    March 30th, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I remember liking it, but felt it didn’t have any of the creepiness of the original. I saw the original fairly young and the stygian witches and medusa freaked me out big time. But this one is fun, and if they can deliver just half of the awesome the trailers promise the sequel will be real treat.

  27. I remember being disappointed that they built up to the Kraken as this huge climatic ending, but then ultimately they simply have the Kraken stand up out of the water and THAT’S IT. It doesn’t do anything else, it just very slowly rises up. And then it is defeated. Kind of lame, no?

  28. M. Prestwich,

    West Coast Mormon, or Brit?

  29. Sam Worthington’s haircut in Wrath of the Titans reminds me of Rufus Sewell in Dark City. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Like I said before, a mullet can give off an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.

  30. Sam Worthington said that he wanted the Mel Gibson hair for Man on a Ledge. So Worthington’s hair pretty much just a reference to how Mel Gibson looked in the 80’s and early 90’s.

  31. Wait…is Man on a Ledge a remake of Bird on a Wire?

  32. I remember giving up on it because I was finding it boring. But I have a big TV now and will give it a shot!

    Griff, if you’re interested, I have an extra invite to the Valve’s Dota 2 beta… you can hit me on Steam, user name shonenbatu.

  33. megaacting

    imboretal

    what other Vern contributions to future editions of the OED do we have?

  34. I thought Sam Worthington looked almost exactly like Danny McBride in the trailer for the sequel

  35. I thought I was the only person who doesn’t mind Sam Worthington’s presence. Granted I didn’t see this one but only because I wasn’t big into the original though the sequel to this one like Vern already mentioned looks cool in the trailers in part due to the inventive monster designs. But the BATTLE LA guy did it so I still don’t know if I’ll give it a shot yet. But seriously Sam W. is one of the more tolerable leading men today when it comes to the new jacks.

    As much as I loathe McG’s Terminator movie it was Sam and Anton Yelchin who kept my interest throughout that snorefest. At least they fucking tried. Sam seriously outclassed Academy Award Winner Christian Bale in every way in that joint. That movie he did with Jessica Chastain was also better than it should’ve been too. It’s no classic or even all that good but definitely watchable and not just because it has my new favorite current actress in it. Sam actually tries. Can you say that about that caveman looking kid from the TWILIGHT movies? I don’t think so.

  36. Imboretal? Amazing.

    Wow, Vern, way to make me consider watching a 2d version for a second chance. Although my original problems had nothing to do with 3d.

    I thought the scorpion scene looked like guys jumping around on a stage and then they added scorpions in the empty spaces.

    And the camera moved so much it just seemed too busy. The kraken was so big they couldn’t even get the whole thing in a wide shot. That’s just a big ball of nothing at that point.

  37. Have to say I genuinely hated this one. At the time I honestly thought it was only a step or two up from BATTLEFIELD:EARTH or whatever in terms of blockbuster filmmaking, yet somehow not in any way an interesting disaster. I was a little tired when I saw it, but I can’t see me giving it a second shot any time soon. Good review though.

  38. Thank you Vern and everyone else who came out of the closet of admitting to liking this movie. I FUCKING LOVE THIS MOVIE. Caveat 1: i saw it on bluray in 2D as well, after all the bashing and lowered expectations. Caveat 2: I was HIGH AS HELL when I saw it too.

    I thought the action scenes were great and clearly shot, the changes to the story and the characters were much needed improvements (I saw Clash #1 on Netflix Instant right before and I was bored to tears – it definitely didn’t hold up after all these years). Things fall apart a little bit at the end and it smells of last minute reshoots, but whatever. I’ve been wanting a good action movie with great character work and this movie delivers in spades.

    I love how Perseus hates the Gods and refuses to use the advantages given to him, out of spite and pride. I love the men on a mission. The way they resent Perseus but grow to like him. The way they actually have personalities. I was bummed out each time someone died, and I’m not kidding, I almost got misty-eyed at Mads Mikkelson’s last scene, it’s fucking great. This is going to sound like hyperbole, but as a guy who’s been “meh” on LOTR this whole time, I’m going to admit I cared more for the team in Clash ’10 in 2 hrs., than I did about Aragorn, the dwarf, Orlando Bloom, etc… after spending 9+ hours with those guys.

    I mean shit, I cared more about Pete Postlethwaite in this movie than most characters in most movies, and he gets like 5 min. of screentime! That’s how damn good he is, that’s how lean and crisp the dialogue given to him is. It’s good to see someone praise the writing for this movie for once.

    SPOILER: Re: the aforementioned Gemma Arterton action trilogy Marlow mentioned – isn’t it weird she dies in all three of those movies and comes back to life in two of them?

  39. neal2zod – Dude I thought I was the only person in the world who didn’t think LOtR was that big of a deal. I saw FELLOWSHIP in theaters with my buddies. Keep in mind that we all hated the books when our teacher in 8th grade tried to get us to read them back in the day. My reasoning was that Tolkien’s writing is too damn long winded for it’s own good; theirs was “that shit is boring”.

    The movie made us all fans though. It’s still the best in the trilogy pound for pound in my opinion. I didn’t see THE TWO TOWERS at the flick but my dad (who loved these movies) bought me a copy on DVD. It was cool enough though a bit more draggy then FELLOWSHIP. Then came the straw that broke the camel’s back THE RETURN OF THE KING. I’ve never ever 1) Walked out of a movie or 2) Slept during a movie. Ever.

    Not even when I saw the movie THINNER which was so bad that my best friend just walked out and went home. Or during NORTH and TRANSFORMERS which were so horrible the devil probably uses them to torture people in hell. RotK however? I missed pretty much the entire second act cause I just knocked out. Then during act 3 I kept waking up then dozing off after 10 min over and over again.

    It got to a point where I was like “who the hell is this blonde chick fighting the end level boss?”. I’ll put it this way I even missed most of the movies multiple endings. I’ve never tried to watch it again after all these years; but if youtube existed back then I’m pretty sure someone who hated this movie while watching it would’ve recorded my snoring and drooling ass and post in online to back his point.

    For that reason alone I’m not going to see THE HOBBIT.

  40. Damn enter button my point is if that movie put me to bed I can’t imagine what THE HOBBIT could possibly do. I’ll just save my money.

  41. funny, my mom fell asleep to RotK

  42. Broddie, that’s hilarious. I hearby suggest if you ever want to challenge your intestinal fortitude, you try to watch the 263 minute(!) director’s cut of ROTK. All 3 of the DC’s do add much needed character development and texture to the movies, and they’re marginal improvements, but there is NO REASON a 3 hour movie needs to be EXTENDED to have me care about a character. As someone pointed out, the original Star Wars was under 2 hours and we liked all the characters by the end of it. (Shit, we liked Han Solo after his first scene!)

    But yeah, it took me about 3 weeks to get through ROTK DC. Watching it like a TV series made the whole thing easier to get through, and dulled the pain of repeated closeups of the asshole king eating cherry tomatoes, and the pain of the hobbits jumping up and down on the goddamn bed together. (The point where my friend yelled out “This is taking too long!” and stormed out of the theatre)

  43. Knox Harrington

    April 2nd, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I really didn’t like this one either. Bored the shit outta me.

    Sorry, Vern, but I have to disagree with your opinion that this film isn’t meandering. I thought it was a slow, ugly mess. Also, bullet3 is absolutely right about the editing in that scorpion scene. No idea what the hell was going on there. Kinda sad, since I like Leterrier’s other movies: Unleashed, Transporter 2 and The Incredible Hulk.

    But hey, that’s why I visit your site, because you have a different perspective on things. And even though I disagree with your take on things half the time, I still love reading your reviews.

    P.S. I fucking loved Immortals. Best eye candy I’ve seen in ages.

  44. Try watching the entire LoTR Trilogy directors cut in one consecutive viewing. That´s 12 hours you´ll never get back.

  45. I recently watched JOHN CARTER and nearly fell asleep during endless dialogue scenes, uninspired visuals and poor pacing. Many reviewers compared the film favorably to PRINCE OF PERSIA and CLASH OF THE TITANS, two other »lowbrow effects movies«.

    I prefer CLASH OF THE TITANS and (even more) PRINCE OF PERSIA for the same reasons Vern mentioned in his review: a motivated hero, good pacing and the upbeat atmosphere. Both movies are industrially manufactured blockbusters, but I had the (maybe naive) impression that the cast and crew enjoyed the production. There was a sense of fun and attention to detail that I miss in many of today’s blockbusters.

  46. CLASH OF THE TITANS remake is an abomination to the eyes of gods and men. The sequel is not much better. Moronic dumb stupid movies with little to no redeaming qualities. The Michael Bayfication of old mythology, if you will.

    Want to watch a movie based on old myths which, while not accurate, at least it has an heart and an obviously show of a filmmaker that actually cared for the story he was telling? Watch IMMORTALS instead. It stars Superman-to-be Henry Cavill. It’s pretty good, and it’s actually visually imaginative and beautiful to behold. IMMORTALS is CLASH OF TITANS (and WRATH OF THE TITANS as well) done right.

    By the way, two movies into this franchise already, and yet no titan has shown up in the movies. Weird, isn’t it?

  47. And Clash Of The Titans has to have the most anoying whinner hero ever. He spends the whole movie tellignhis dad to go fuck himself in the ass, he doesn’t want his help, strongarms the rest of his human companions to reject godly help, and only when is his whole group exterminated he starts to realise that yes, godly help might actually help his cause. It takes him the death of everybody that sided with him to finally get that realization. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

    And then the movie makes all the aesop of “men don’t need the gods” turn on it’s head when the hero, after spending a whole movie telling Zeus to go fuck himself, in the end he accepts all of daddy’s gifts because now it’s convinient.

    “Fuck you, dad, i don’t want your help” “How about if i give you this magic sword, magic flying horse and bring back from the dead your girlsfriend?” “Don’t mind if i do”.

    The frigging movie don’t even know what’s about. It starts as men turning their back to the gods and seeing it as a good thing, since the gods are such assholes. but then by the end the world of gods is justified, all it takes is for both parties to get along. Men don’t need to gods to be masters of their destiny, but in the end without gods’ helps mankind would be screwed. Hero wants to be self-sufficient as proof that mankind is good on it’s own, but in the end all the bling-blings dad gives are totally fundamental to his achievement.

    The frigging movie doesn’t know what it wants to be, doesn’t know what message to transmit, doesn’t know anything. it’s like watching a movie made of different movies, each scene beloging to a different movie. No coheson whatsoever.

    And the funniest thing about this movie is that they took the only truly sympathetic and general good guy character from the old myths and turn him into a whinning asshole. Everybody in the greek myths are to some degree big time assholes. Humans, heroes or gods, it’s a world of assholes. Except Perseus, the only character who is genuinely motivated by alterior motives. None of his actions are selfish. Not in the myths, anyway. Everything good that befalls him is due to his good hearted actions that bring rightfully rewards.

    Persus is such a great guy that the greeks had to invent at the last minute some bad thing due to his actions so they could shove an aesop by hubris, as it happens to all other heroes in the greek myths. everybody knows that the fall form hubris of perseus was a later addiciton and a later inventon, not found on the older versions of the myths, because Perseus was so anoyingly good.

    So, in the movie,s they made the only truly good guy of the greek myths into an asshole. Who the fuck understands this shit?

    It’s as oif the iidots who made this movie knew nothing of the old greek myths, not even on the level of cliff notes or wikipedia articles. Then agian, shouldn’t come as a suprise, givne how the movie plays out.

    But evne taking away the way the movie fucks up the old myths, even on it’s own the movie is all arse! What a stupid imbecillic dumb ass movie! It’s bad on a michael bay/jj abrams level, as in, very bad indeed.

  48. hey asimov, long time no see

    I don’t remember you ever posting your thoughts on it here, but what did you think of Super 8? because I got to be honest, if you think that movie is terrible you’re trippin’ bud

    now is it perfect? no, the alien is a disappointment to be sure, but there’s still a lot to like about that movie and it’s “heart is in the right place” so to speak

  49. Griff, Super 8, or should i call it Lame 8, is a pretty mediocre movie. There’s good in it. Everything that has to do with the kids is quite good. Or should i specify better: everythign with the kids before the train wreck. And of the kids, special mention should go to Elle Fanning, who is fantastic. She steals the movie from everybody, kids and adults alike. She even steals the movie in scenes she’s not in. She’s that good.

    But the rest is all arse. It’s obviously a very unballanced movie. It’s quite clear that this movie is an unholy matromony of two completly different stories which Abrams was inept to sucessfully join into a complete whole. There’s two movies in Lame 8: ine is a very interesting and cute coming of age story about a bunch of likable kids. The other is some cliché ridden SF bullshit crap about an alien who the movie doesn’t know if it’s a villain or a damaged hero, a poor creature to root for or a monster to be affraid of. Amnd no, trying to say the movie goes for complexity fdoesn’t work because there’s none. All ther eis is just indecision and an half-arsed script.

    And that’s the problem about Lame 8: It’s half-arsed from start to finish. If there is one strengh in the movie it was it’s advertizement, that made people see it for something it’s not. And as an atempt t pull a 1980s Spielberg… well, let me say this: Abrams should rather try to make a better effort in being his own man and do his own style instead of milking on othe rpeople’s golden ages. And by his own style i don’t mean shove lens flares everywhere and use the oldest boring cliches in the world, something he aleays uses in all his movies he’s involved, as writer, producer or director.

    Abrams boy is a very flawed filmmaker, to say the least. And he tries to overcome with sharp advertizement. Well, it’s not working on me. My love for cinema comes from my admiration of films and filmmakers, not on advertizements and advertizers.

  50. Super 8 doesn’t have “heart is in the right place”, it has it’s greed in the right place. I found the movie to be fantasticaly steril in terms of mood and emotion. Melodrama crap cannot replace proper heart and drama.

  51. I totally agree with you, asimov. SUPER 8 started strong (I even enjoyed the train crash and some of the early alien attacks), but once the explanations for the weirdness started kicking in, it was such a mix of conflicting tones that the movie basically cancelled itself out. I could do nothing but stare slack-jawed at the outrageously misconceived climax, which had crowds of townspeople staring in religious awe at a monster that had killed dozens of their friends and destroyed their town, simply because this was the part where, according to the Spielberg blueprint, the child-like wonder was supposed to kick in, even though there was no reason for it to. By all human logic, they should have been fleeing in terror or grabbing their shotguns and opening fire on the thing, but that’s not how Steve would have done it, so that’s not how J.J. did it.

  52. Also, asimov, I would like to say that I regret the things I said in our little argument over VALHALLA RISING a few months ago. We’re both clearly very passionate film fans, but no disagreement over a movie should get personal. I noticed that you haven’t been around much lately and I couldn’t help feeling guilty that maybe I had helped to sour you on this sight, which should be a safe and welcoming place for all. For my part in that debacle, I apologize.

  53. You are not the only one due an appology, for i also think i behave poorly. I could had been more civil and thoughfull. As such, i sincerely appologise.

    It’s mighty cool of you to take first steps to burry the hatchet. Consider it buried deep and far, friend.

    *hughs*

    So, you seen any good movies lately? I can’t say i have. Many movies that have been popular with the geekry and even with Vern i have found them to be rather poor and missed oportunities, like JOHN CARTER. Last movie that kicked my ass was THE HUNTER and TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY. I’m not in the cool kids class, i’m affraid.

  54. “By all human logic, they should have been fleeing in terror or grabbing their shotguns and opening fire on the thing, but that’s not how Steve would have done it”

    I’d be too sure. Spoielberg showed in WAR OF THE WORLDS the humans react quite violently to alien aggression.

    Also, this notion of spielberg as an all family guy is more recent then most think. It started, as far i can see, after TEMPLE OF DOOM. Sçpielbergmovies of the 70s and early 80s, though marketed for general audience,s could show pretty unfamily friendly stuff. He showed a little boy get killed by a shark oin JAWS. He showed the aliens as very scary and going after a baby in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS (only very late we discover the aliens were in fact friendly). Indy in RAIDERS is not a family man and the movie is quite vicious. and the viciousness was raised tenfold with TEMPLE, where there is children slavery.

    JJ Abrams wants to be the new spielberg and he put all his publicity department hailing him as so. But the difference berween calling yourself one and being one is big. If anything, Abrams is the new Abrams… for his sins!

  55. i hated the train wreck scene in SUPER 8 because there is no way a kid of their age could pass through such an event and not come out of it as emotional jelly. Adults have suffered less and come out scarred for life.

    There would be no way a kid would then return home all collected and have a good night sleep afterwards.

    Yes, movies are not supposed to be reality, but suspencion of disbelief can go so far. This is no story set in a galaxy far far away.

    The scene would had been brillant if the kids had seen all that accident from afar. witnessing it from afar. it would still be terrifying, but not to the point that the kids would had immediate major trauma. in fact, Spoielberg would had done that way, putting the kids far from the action and show off his technical virtuosity and visual imagination by showing the crash all in wide shots and long takes.

    Super 8 looks like a early Spielberg movie? Like arse it does!

  56. By the way, in one of my above posts i goofe: Kronos is in fact a Titan. Therefore, in WRATH OF THE TITANS, a titan finally shows up. But it’s only one, so the use of plural is still puzzling.

    Now, if the story had been about Perseus recruiting Atlas to fight on their side defeating Kronos, with Zeus promising a full pardon on Atlas is he does so, then we could see Atlas fighting Kronos, and that would truly be a clash of the titans. and one of them could be full of wrath. or both.

  57. I know Spielberg isn’t afraid to be harsh when it’s required (he fed a kid to a shark, for god’s sake) but the Spielberg Abrams was aping was the Spielberg of E.T., CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, and POLTERGEIST, the one where people are always gazing in transcendental awe at the miracles of the unknown. Maybe a better analog would have been JURASSIC PARK, in which the dinosaurs are regard with equal parts wonder and fear.

    As for good movies, I’ve been selective so far this year and as a result I can’t really complain. I loved THE RAID, obviously, but I also liked HAYWIRE and GHOST RIDER’S SPIRIT IS VENGEFUL. No masterpieces, but good times at the movies. I also have DRAGON EYES on the way from UK Amazon, so I’m psyched for that. I’m pretty excited for CABIN IN THE WOODS. It feels like action movies might be on a slight uptick at the moment (fingers crossed) so now I need a solid theatrical horror movie experience. Haven’t had one of those in years and I’m starting to lose hope in the genre.

  58. I obviously disagree with everything you said, Asimov. I assumed before the movies were made that IMMORTALS was gonna be the good version of CLASH OF THE TITANS, but I’m surprised anybody who saw both would really believe that. IMMORTALS has Mickey Rourke in a few scenes doing a low-grade version of his standard weirdness, which is semi-enjoyable. It has some cool Julie Taymor inspired costumes (the ant-head helmet, the mohawk helmet), but that only kept making me think how much drama and excitement Taymor would’ve found in this story. It’s dramatically limp from the beginning and stops being visually impressive after about 10 minutes in when you realize that holy shit, they’re really gonna stay on this cliff for most of the movie, even though it’s all green screen and they could stick them anywhere. I could barely get through it, or write a review of it. Too bad, I really dug THE FALL. I wanted Tarsem to turn out to be a genius.

    I don’t see how you get Perseus being a whiner. He’s a man’s man and a human’s human. He could have the power of the gods but he refuses it because he identifies as mortal. He could go live on Mount Olympus but he prefers to live in the mud and earn his keep. He could make everybody kiss his ass for being Son of Zeus but the idea makes him sick, he’s loyal to the humble mortals who raised him. He is anti deadbeat dad (and rapist). He could get out of this Kraken mess easy by sacrificing the princess, but prefers the route of journeying and slaying monsters and figuring out how to do the impossible. And he does it without Burgess Meredith or invisibility and not to get laid.

    As for your complaint about the title, it’s a remake of a movie that defined Medusa’s head and the Kraken as titans that clash.

  59. Problem is, Medusa is not a Titan, she’s a monster. So is the Kraken.

    And as for the kraken, it’s obviously the monster Cetus which is the one that nearly ates Andromedra in the myth. But the filmmakers tohugh that kraken was a better known then Cetus so they changed. The irony is that the kraken as shown in the movie looks very much like Cetus as depicted in the myths.

    As for Titans… To be a Titan, you need to be son of Uranus and Gaia. The titans were the forst born immortals. They were the first Immortals. From the titan Kronos came the first gods, the first olympian gods like Poseidon, Hades and baby brother Zeus, among others. The other better known gods lie Athena, Ares, Appollo are Zeus’ children.

    Perseus in CLASH OF TITANS is nopt a whiner…. he’s a mega-whiner! He’s an unsufferable ass! Right form the bat he could had used his godly connections to help his fellow men, who were dying needlessly. he could had made all of it so much easier. he could had avoided much i«unecessary death. instead he whines and mops like a bitch! Is this supposed to be modern day hero characterization?

    Hell, i was rooting for Hades. between an asshole Zeus and a whiner boy Perseus, the good guys are a pretty bunch of hatable asses! only likable of the bunch was Io thanks to Gemma Anterthon’s talent and beauty, and Madds Mikkleson because he’s THE GOD-DAMNED ONE-EYED!!!

    The only good thing about CLASH OF THE TITANS is it makes me want to watch VALHALLA RISING thanks to Mikklesen’s presence. Now that’s a real badass hero, not that Perseus whiny boy!

    IMMORTALS looks like a movie made by somebody who actually beleived the movie he was making. i also love the fact the movie is it’s own thing and makes no concessions. it’s a love or hate it deal. i respect that. me, i loved it because i could connect with it. it’s beautiful to behold, it has it’s heart on it’s sleeve, it wants to be it’s own movie, it looks like few others. unlike thagt blockbuster pudrity of CLASH OF TITANS that wantys to kiss ass of everybody in the audience. well, the movie can kiss my ass, a big wet one!

    Clash Of The Titans has to be one of the stupidiest movies i ever had the displeasure to endure in recent years. and it’s pathetic atempt at a theme is laughable at best. i should be a guy wthat would conenct with it, since i’m an atheist. but in fat, it insuloted me instead in it’s intellectual inbecillity. it’s so badly done it hurts. it’s mysatheism for idiots! such a stupud dumb movies.

    and the action cenes are boring beyond belief. everythign is big and hufge right from the start, there is no escalation. the movie is moronic in everything.

  60. Vern, right on with IMMORTALS. That, and the most surprising thing is how ugly it is. One thing I never thought I’d say about a Tarsem film is it’s ugly. However I quite liked his MIRROR MIRROR. He should be doing whimsical family fantasy, not hardcore “gritty” action.

  61. I still like THE CELL a lot. It’s a visual orgasm that leaves the mind blown away. I think Tarsem still has potential but he really could’ve done way more with the budget he had on IMMORTALS; that was a definite disappointment.

    The movie’s scale was too small and that attributed to it’s ugliness. It’s sad when the SPARTACUS TV show which is a lot cheaper to produce looks about the same as that movie. The movie also doesn’t have the bonus of SPARTACUS which is likeable characters.

    I think Cavill is a good actor. I was actually into the insane McG Superman idea cause he was attached and I felt he like Bale with Batman was the one actor who really could sell the Superman role to a new generation. In THE TUDORS he proved he has the chops for the regal qualities of the character.

    It’s still trips me out that he ended up getting cast in Snyder’s Superman movie and that Bale will go on his 3rd time playing Batman. I guess some things are so obvious even hollywood players could see them. In the IMMORTALS though he was bland as hell. You could say it was the poor writing. Or even poor directing from the only other director who managed to make a J.Lo performance watchable. He tried to elevate the material above what it was but there was no grace in the attempts. It felt like a forced Bud Light interpretation of a sword and sandals hero.

  62. A while ago, Tarsem attached himself to the long announced SAMURAI JACK movie and to be honest, I think this seems like a natural fit. (I do hope that they first make an animated movie, that brings closure to the series.)

  63. I’m just saying that the incorrect use of “titan” is EXACTLY the same as in the original. You seem to think it’s definitive proof of the remake being terrible, but it has no effect on your enjoyment of the original. Not a big point worth arguing, just funny because it makes no sense.

  64. I’m surprised there’s not been any other notable attempts to do the story in film, since the original myth is public domain, and only really the inaccurate title is copyrightable.
    Also, when are we going to get a big screen epic based on the Odyssey? They were apparently planning one as a followup to Troy, with Sean Bean and actual Gods and everything.

  65. Tarsem also attached himself to a movie based on the video game Condemned: Criminal Origins, but that’s very, very unlikely to happen seeing as for one thing the video game series itself is now pretty much forgotten

  66. Vern, i have criticised the original Clash for the mishandling of the term Titans. The remake, however, could had corrected it. i mean, just a few click on Wikipedia could had solved it. but the filmmakers of the remake are a bunch of “i don’t give a damn” fools. the mistakes of the original are no justification for the mistakes of the remake. two wrongs do not make a right.

    it does make sense in arguing the crappitude of CLASH OF THE TITANS, becasue the movie is another syntom of the type of dumb ass blockbusters they are making this days. Clash is an other one of the prevalent school of blockbusters mad today, the michael bay style of blockbusters. Clahs is nothing m ore then Michael Bay goes mythological. And of course, it’s all arse!

  67. You guys must have seen a doferent version of IMMORTALS then the one i saw. The one i saw was gorgeaus to behold, and Henry Cavill proved to be very charismatic and damn good actor with great physicality. I was sold on Cavill as Superman thanks to IMMORTALS. And contrary to the exacrable CLASH OF THE TITANS remake, IMMORTALS is internally consistence and the story makes sense in nthe world it creates. t even makes the character’s skepticism of the gods plausible in-universe because the gods gave up directly interfering with the humans in godly ways.

    Unlike in CLASH where the humans decided to piss off the gods filly well knowing that not only the gods exist but that they are very powerful and everybody has seen a god in their lives. the attitude the humans have in the Clash remake doesn’t make a lick of sense whatsoever. and to make things even worst, everybody is of one mind about the subject, be they kings or fisherman. it’s stupid beyond belief! CLASH is stupid on so many levels i lost count! i still need to make sure michael bay or jj abrams were not involved in that crap, so stupid it is!

  68. Knox Harrington

    April 6th, 2012 at 4:58 am

    Looks like we found our new marmite movie. Immortals!

  69. what’s a marmite movie?

  70. The Marmite slogan is you either love it or hate it.

    I haven’t seen it, but I’m pretty sure there were no actual titans in REMEMBER THE TITANS either.

  71. Also, IMMORTALS had some of the least godly looking gods I’ve ever seen. About as godly looking as the ones in HERCULES IN NEW YORK.

  72. Most people outside the UK don’t know what Marmite is, so as someone who has lived with a Brit for years, I can translate: Marmite is a brown breakfast spread made from the foam harvested from the top of vats of ale. It is an excellent source of nutrients and became popular in the UK during the Blitz, when it was rationed out to the populace to help stave off malnutrition. It is generally spread on toast, often with butter. It has a pungent, musky flavor that for some is addictive and for others is the foulest flavor imaginable. A minor culture war has been waging in Britain for decades between Marmite lovers and haters. No one just kind of likes Marmite. It’s an all-or-nothing proposition.

  73. So much so that Marmite incorporated it into their ad campaign at one point:
    http://youtu.be/pm1qP_y9V9k

  74. Caoimhín – But they were only supposed to be remembered in that one and not necessarily involved. I can’t remember if Denzel ever said something like “do as Kronos would’ve done and spike the ball” though.

  75. Also, I believe “Release the kraken” was just code for “Use the nickel defense.”

  76. So marmite is some sort of cereal based goop. i can understand now why it could prove divisive.

    Well, in that case, yeah, IMMORTALS is a divisive movie. There will be no concensus about it. Some will lov eit, some will not. And i think that’s a good thing. At least IMMORTALS doesn’t half-arse, unlike the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake. In my country we have a saying: “You can’t please both the greeks and the trojans”. IMMORTALS knows what it wants to be, knows how it wants to be, knows what audience is target for, and the ghell with thosewho don’t. It’s like VALHALLA RISING in a minor scale, as in it’s not for everybody, and can’t give a damn for those who can’t connect.

    The beauty of movies like this is that it rewards immensely those who connect with. As i said, it doesn’t half-arse. This is why, even on a smaller scale, movies like IMMORTALS will always bebetter then half-arsed stuff like CLAHS OF THE TITANS who are so obsessed with connecting to the minimum common denominator, so obsessed with connecting with everybody, and thus, it’s milquetoast, dumb and unremarkable.

    IMMORTALS even looks like one of those ancient greek bass-relief or those painting in amphoras come to life. CLASH OF THE TITANS looks like any other michael bay blockbuster wannabe that ollutes modern cinema. IMMORTALS has steady clear camera work where you can see clearly everything that is happening onscreen, including the fights and battles. CLASH OF THE TITANS is filled with that shaky-o-cam crap that bad filmakers can’t use well, and most of the time you have to gues what is happening onscreen because the movie sure will not show you that. CLASH OF THE TITANS like so many of michael bay wannabe blockbusters of today, sacrifices clarity for the sake of a “energetic” action, as in, lots of shit happening you have no idea where it comes from and why.

    I’m suprised so many in here have embraced CLASH OF THE TITANS remake when the movie is a clear textbook case of the problems with modern day execution of action and dumbed down re-imagining of the classics. CLASH OF THE TITANS and it’s sequel are textbook cases on HOW NOT TO MAKE A MOVIE BASED ON ANCIENT MYTHS. In that fregard, were i a filmmaker, i could learn a lot. Many atribute to Stanley Kubrick a saying that said soemthing likes “one learns to make good movies as much from watching the good ones as the bad ones. The bad ones teach what not to do, which is the most important lesson.”

  77. “Release the cetus”doesn’t have the same ring to it, i guess. “Unleach Cetus”, maybe?

  78. Ace Mac Ashbrook

    April 8th, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    I loved the Djinns too. I wanted more of them.

  79. Just saw IMMORTALS. I’m on Vern’s side: What a monstrously boring movie. The few moments of carnage are far, far better than any of the action in CLASH, but that doesn’t really count for much when the rest of the movie is scenes of dull assholes whispering to each other about nothing in particular in front of ugly CGI backdrops. A true chore to sit through.

    Maybe they just shouldn’t make this kind of movie anymore.

  80. The bloodshed was less boring on the big screen, in fake 3D, but I agree. Somethingsomething more like “ImBOREtals” somethingsomething.

    http://outlawvern.com/2005/01/01/the-cell/#comment-1667452

  81. I didn’t think the bloodshed itself was boring. (I particularly liked Poseidon’s double crosswise trident decapitation.) I just didn’t think it was enough to save the movie. If it had opened with a similar scene of awesome carnage, it’s possible I would have had enough goodwill to carry me through the epic doldrums of the entire middle of the movie.

  82. Wow – I’m only halfway through and I’m already ready to honor this movie with the title of “The Greatest”.

    “The greatest D&D movie” ever. This is so much better than either of the actual D&D movies. It might even be a better D&D movie than all 78 of the hobbit movies.

    It’s not a very good movie mind you – just a tiny smidge better than ‘Olympus has Fallen’, a movie every bit as ridiculous and difficult to swallow. Plus, something about Olympus…yeah.

    But for bringing together a merry band of warriors on a quest of world-saving import that’s as fantastically important to them as it is overtly bombastic to the audience? Yup, perfect. I can proudly watch this before my next session to get in the Dungeons and Dragons mood.

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