"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

The People’s Joker

Do you know about THE PEOPLE’S JOKER? It’s an unauthorized, extremely D.I.Y. riff on DC Comics about a trans woman Joker/Harley Quinn combo (director/co-writer/editor Vera Drew) trying to make it as a comedian in Gotham City. I may not have ever known about it if not for it somehow premiering at the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival before receiving a firmly worded letter from Warner Brothers. After many cancelled screenings they somehow convinced the evil corporation that it was fair use/parody, the movie got a limited theatrical release and now it’s on VOD and on blu-ray and DVD from Altered Innocence. For THE PEOPLE!

I think the main reason it has lived beyond that initial grabbing of headlines is that beneath the gimmick and the many layers of goofiness it’s a very heartfelt autobiographical story about, among other things, coming of age as a trans woman. It’s dedicated “To Mom and Joel Schumacher,” and I strongly suspect that both the strained relationship with her mother (Lynn Downey) and the youthful confusion ignited by seeing Nicole Kidman in BATMAN FOREVER come from Drew’s real life. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 15th, 2024 | 20 Comments »

Twilight of the Warriors: Walled In

TWILIGHT OF THE WARRIORS: WALLED IN is the awkward title they ended up with for a movie that’s been in development for like 20 years (originally to be co-directed by John Woo and Johnnie To!) under the title KOWLOON WALLED CITY and DRAGON CITY and maybe some others. I’ve been waiting for it long enough that I already watched a movie called KOWLOON WALLED CITY on Hi-Yah! because I thought, “Oh shit – that finally came out!?” (That one was pretty fun too, I recommend it.)

This one is an event for many reasons, the main one for me being that it’s the latest from Soi Cheang, director of one of my favorite 21st century action movies, KILL ZONE 2, plus other movies I liked including SHAMO and MOTORWAY. The secondary reason is that he’s working with genius action director Kenji Tanigaki (RUROUNI KENSHIN, SAKRA), and the third is that one of the all time greats, Sammo Hung, plays a major character in it.

It’s the story of a refugee in Hong Kong named Lok (Raymond Lam, SAVING GENERAL YANG), who wins an underground fight trying to earn cash to buy a fake ID so he doesn’t get deported. The Triad boss running the fights, Mr. Big (Hung), is also the guy you go to for fake IDs, and when Lok turns down a job offer from him he gets screwed on that. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 14th, 2024 | 14 Comments »

The Little Rascals (plus Suburbia [1983])

August 5th, 1994

My friends, I hope you know me well enough to understand that I’m being sincere here, I’m not trying to show off with a wild take. The truth is I recently watched and enjoyed the movie THE LITTLE RASCALS. It kind of rules.

This was not an outcome I expected, or even considered. For the 30 years this movie has existed I’ve scoffed at it, assumed it was crap. Yes, it comes from director Penelope Spheeris, she of excellent punk rock documentaries. But I’m gonna have to pull out the Shaquille O’Neal “I wasn’t familiar with your game” quote here. I wasn’t showing the proper respect. I had some idea she lost it after WAYNE’S WORLD, because I thought BLACK SHEEP was kinda cheesy and all the rest seemed like things I wouldn’t like. I assumed this was some pablum for kids from an era where pablum for kids was extra bad. (See: 3 NINJAS KICK BACK.)

But here I am trying to watch most of the major movies of summer ’94, it was about the only situation where I was gonna give THE LITTLE RASCALS a shot, and almost immediately I realized I was probly gonna like it. It’s silly, it’s for kids, it might creep some people out by having children woo each other like they’re Popeye and Olive. But it made me laugh a whole bunch, it’s daring in the way it straight up does old Hal Roach shit and doesn’t try to conform to ‘90s expectations, it actually makes sense as part of the Spheeris filmography, and (most surprising to me) it’s artfully crafted. I guess mostly in the way that she could piece together a sensible movie with 95% of the cast being 5-7 year old non-actors, but also it’s a great looking movie! Credit to the transfer, which has a good level of film grain. I did not expect to watch THE LITTLE RASCALS 1994 and think “They don’t make ‘em like this anymore!” But here we are.

(read the rest of this shit…)

August 12th, 2024 | 21 Comments »

Airheads

August 5th, 1994

It seems kinda crazy now, but AIRHEADS was a movie I was excited for ahead of time. Other than a couple of bit parts, it was the first time I saw Steve Buscemi after RESERVOIR DOGS made him an icon. Adam Sandler was still on Saturday Night Live, his biggest movie role having been in THE CONEHEADS, so it seemed novel for him to be a co-star. And I wasn’t really familiar with Brendan Fraser so I hadn’t had a problem with any of his performances yet. More importantly, director Michael Lehmann’s HEATHERS is an important movie to me, he’d since done MEET THE APPLEGATES and HUDSON HAWK, both weird and interesting if not great, so he was a director I followed. And the premise of a rock band taking a radio station hostage to try to get their song played seemed like it had potential for, like, satire or something. I don’t know.

Then I saw it and forgot everything about it. I don’t think I was impressed, but I was sure now it would at least be more interesting as a time capsule. Yeah, I guess, arguably. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 8th, 2024 | 60 Comments »

Clear and Present Danger

August 3rd, 1994

More like CLEAR AND PRESZZZZzzzzzzz, am I right, guys?

Oh, am I wrong? Maybe I’m wrong. I’m not the best judge, because I’m a heathen when it comes to Jack Ryan. My dad loved Tom Clancy books, my wife and many of my friends consider THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER to be one of the all time greats, many people love this character, I just think that gene skipped me. But here we are most of the way through our revisit of the summer of ’94 and it feels like we’re low on traditional blockbusters, so I was kind of excited to see CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER. There are plenty of things to like about it, especially when discussing it, but unfortunately I found it mostly dull to watch compared to PATRIOT GAMES, which I somewhat enjoyed and respectfully labelled “Adult Contemporary Action.”

This, too, is for the older folks that want some of the fantasy of Exceptional Men Who Get Shit Done but without the classless excess of flying kicks or other cool shit. It begins by massaging the Adult Contemporary Action erogenous zones, showing people in uniforms operating various types of machinery on a submarine and a US Coast Guard vessel. The inciting incident is the Coast Guard boarding a suspicious yacht in the Caribbean and discovering its American businessman owner has been murdered by Colombians. Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford between THE FUGITIVE and SABRINA) is a CIA analyst who looks into it and discovers the American got offed by a cartel because he was laundering money for them and tried to embezzle some. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 7th, 2024 | 30 Comments »

Trap

TRAP is not only that style of rap where the beat sounds like a rattlesnake, it’s also the new M. Night Shyamalan joint, or “A NEW M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN EXPERIENCE,” as the poster puts it. It’s not one of his experiences that’s based around a big surprise, so don’t worry about that, but if by chance you don’t know the premise and would enjoy a silly thriller starring Boy Sweat Dave himself, Josh Hartnett, as a dorky dad taking his daughter to a concert, I recommend going in blind.

The rest of you may have seen the trailer, which gives us the first act reveal that Mr. Hartnett is here to finally fulfill his destiny as the dark-eyed nephew of Michael Myers (H20 timeline). As far as his kid Riley (Ariel Donoghue, BLUEBACK) knows he’s just Dad, Cooper Adams, who’s kind of embarrassing but she loves him and not just because he got her really good floor tickets to see her favorite singer Lady Raven (Saleka Night Shyamalan) to reward her for good grades. What she does not know is that he’s also the infamous serial killer known as The Butcher. And when he goes to the restroom he pulls out his phone to check the live feed of the guy he has chained up in a basement (Mark Bacolcol). (read the rest of this shit…)

August 6th, 2024 | 22 Comments »

Eat Drink Man Woman

August 3rd, 1994

Here’s a rare experience: I went 30 years of knowing the title EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN without even knowing exactly what the movie was about. As much as I love several of Ang Lee’s films I never went back and watched the ones that made him so well known. This is his third movie, after the international success of THE WEDDING BANQUET, but before his Hollywood breakthrough SENSE AND SENSIBILITY. To date it’s his only movie set in Taiwan, where he was born and raised.

It’s about three adult sisters and their widower father, an aging master chef who’s losing his sense of taste. And like so many of Lee’s films it’s about complicated family relationships, repressed emotions, secrets and longing.

Also it’s about cooking. It starts with Master Chu (Lung Sihung, EIGHT HUNDRED HEROES) preparing a complex meal for the family. Lots of meat (some of which we first see as live animals) but even for me it’s a beautiful sequence, the precision and ease with which he slices open a fish or dices an onion with his hatchet, the many items he drops into and lifts out of hot oils, the sauces he pours onto them, the delicate ways he folds together dumplings. They’re meticulous processes he must’ve performed hundreds or thousands of times over, all ingrained in his head and muscle memory. The sequence took more than a week to film, with the actor doubled by a real master chef, and it’s several minutes with no dialogue, just some traditional music (composer: Mader, IN THE SOUP) and the pleasing sounds of chopping, sizzling, pouring. He’s in the zone, and he’s at home, all alone, it’s not one of those stressful restaurant settings. It seems so peaceful. It’s for the love of it. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 5th, 2024 | 17 Comments »

Barcelona

July 29, 1994

BARCELONA is the second movie (and first studio movie) by writer/director Whit Stillman, following up on his Oscar nominated low budget debut, METROPOLITAN (1990). I love his 1998 film THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO, which is considered part of a loose trilogy with these two (and has some overlapping characters), but if I ever saw these other two it was a long time ago and I don’t really remember them. So I guess I’m going in backwards order.

Stillman is one of those true originals, he has his own thing that he does really well and nobody else is much like him. His movies are very light on plot, very heavy on dialogue, and almost entirely about self absorbed, Ivy League educated yuppie dorks, and yet I find the experience light and funny and not grating. This is in part because he also has a very distinct humor and tone and somehow gets these finely tuned performances that deliver it just right. One of his secret weapons is Chris Eigeman (unaired Red Dwarf USA pilot), who plays different characters in all of them, always with the absolute perfect wide-eyed sense of outrage at the stupidest shit. In LAST DAYS OF DISCO I highlighted when he got upset about someone’s interpretation of LADY AND THE TRAMP – in this one my favorite is when he sees anti-American graffiti and says “They’re calling us pigs. That’s meant to hurt!” (read the rest of this shit…)

August 1st, 2024 | 17 Comments »

It Could Happen to You / Black Beauty

July 29th, 1994

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. But most likely it wouldn’t. This is the loosely-jumping-off-from-a-real-incident story of the NYPD’s most lovable officer Charlie Lang (Nicolas Cage, DEADFALL) coming up short for a tip at the diner, offering waitress Yvonne Biasi (Bridget Fonda, last seen in LITTLE BUDDHA) half of his Lotto ticket if he wins, then staying true to his word when he wins $2 million. They become a media sensation, there is romance, as well as “a scene of cop action” according to the current version of the MPAA’s PG rating.

Charlie has no dark side, he’s just a great guy who’s friends with all the people in the neighborhood, doesn’t seem to harass anybody on the job, does at one point foil an armed robbery while shopping. He’s very close with his partner Bo Williams (Wendell Pierce, A RAGE IN HARLEM), but his other best friend seems to be Jesu (Victor Rojas, later “Kid #2” in DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE), a neighbor kid he plays stickball with. His wife Muriel (Rosie Perez, NIGHT ON EARTH) is a vain and materialistic beautician who always yells at him in that Rosie Perez way. He doesn’t seem to mind, and Jesu says he’s “whipped.” (read the rest of this shit…)

July 31st, 2024 | 15 Comments »

Fear the Night

Late one night recently I was browsing streaming services for a movie to watch, and I found a section of Paramount+ called “Action-Packed Summer.” It was all big budget, well known studio movies like GLADIATOR, BRAVEHEART, all the DIE HARDs, the CHARLIE’S ANGELSes, T2, STAR TREK, and weirdly ZERO DARK THIRTY… and then one and only one small-timer indie movie most people never heard of: FEAR THE NIGHT (2023). I had actually been meaning to see it because it stars Maggie Q (NAKED WEAPON, DRAGON SQUAD, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, PRIEST), so I took this as my reminder. Thank you, Paramount corporation, for looking out for us Maggie QAnons.

It’s a really strange fit for that category because it’s a low rent home invasion thriller from Quiver Distribution, who literally produced a bunch of their movies with Redbox. The only ones I’ve seen by them are BECKY and WRATH OF BECKY, but they also did MONEY PLANE, DEAD FOR A DOLLAR, LIGHTS OUT and OUTLAW POSSE. One of their upcoming movies (FIRST SHIFT) is directed by Uwe Bolle, and one of their most recent (AGENT RECON) is a sci-fi action movie with dual-wielding, tactical gear Chuck Norris as the central figure on the cover. (Norris is two years older than Joe Biden.)

(read the rest of this shit…)

July 30th, 2024 | 11 Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
  • Hey bud, thanks for reading.

    Don't feel obligated, but here are some

  • WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM

    if that's your thing:

  • 1. Patreon

    Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!

  • 2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody

    click here for my Amazon author page

    (NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)

    EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.

  • 3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines



    (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)

  • I also have an Amazon UK one:

    (I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)

  • 4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products

    (I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)

  • 5. Spread the word

    Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.

    THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN

    * * * *

  • Recent commentary and jibber-jabber

    • daniel on A Working Man: “The constant scenes of surveillance and interrogation slash torture (other than co-creating the character of Bane, Chuck Dixon is also…” Apr 8, 00:13
    • pegsman on A Working Man: “I’m glad there is at least one semi-big star out there who chooses to take a leaf out of Charles…” Apr 7, 22:24
    • Mr. Majestyk on A Working Man: “I mean, that’s just the classic western format: Rich land baron abuses the townsfolk, using his money and influence to…” Apr 7, 20:51
    • Schmoe Gunn on A Working Man: “I saw WORKING MAN and BEEKEEPER on the same day, and what struck me is that both are built around…” Apr 7, 16:43
    • ejsteeler on A Working Man: “Vern, I always respect your reviews and your position of looking at things from a half-glass-full perspective, but this one…” Apr 7, 13:06
    • PetrosMT on A Working Man: “Extremely middling Statham Vehicle if not a straight up disappointing since it’s his next movie after the great Beekeeper with…” Apr 7, 12:55
    • Birch on Alpha (2025): “I was much, much more negative on this, although the day I saw it I was in a very bad…” Apr 7, 12:46
    • Zed on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “@Alex/CJ Yeah, exactly. As a kid I knew him from Roger Rabbit and the Mario Bros movie and thought of…” Apr 7, 12:25
    • Alex R on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “Not to provide half the comments on this thing and then apologize for doing so a half-dozen times, but sincere…” Apr 7, 11:32
    • Borg9 on A Working Man: “Always nice to see Statham reunited with Jason Flemyng, especially when Flemyng gets to revisit the Russian accent he used…” Apr 7, 11:25
    • CJ Holden on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “Bob Hoskins was the king of actors who could alternate between playing the scariest motherfuckers and lovable father figures.” Apr 7, 10:26
    • Alex R on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “@Zed– I loved him in Roger Rabbit and Hook when I was a kid and then as I grew up…” Apr 7, 07:52
    • Zed on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “Any forum gets less fun when terfs start waving their colors and whining about people being rude to them. If…” Apr 7, 07:23
    • Borg9 on Project Hail Mary: “Oh man, Pegsman! Don’t get me started on the tax implications of fast tracking a programme to send Ryan Gosling…” Apr 7, 06:55
    • Alex R on Jurassic World: Rebirth: “@Adam C– I agree with all of this and am in the exact same boat with respect to CK and…” Apr 7, 06:49

  • Recent Commented on Posts

  • Most Comments