Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category
Friday, October 17th, 2025
THE HITCHER (2007) is a Platinum Dunes remake I had no interest in at the time. Robert Harmon’s 1986 cult classic obviously didn’t require a remake, and I didn’t trust those guys to do one. Also almost everybody said it was terrible. I do know of an exception – Jordan Crucchiola and Sam Wineman used to rave about it on their podcast Aughtsterion, and they got it to #1 on the “’00 Slashers” episode of Screen Drafts. They’re younger and much more attached to that era of horror than me, but their enthusiasm made me curious.
And I think they’re right! There’s a good chance I wouldn’t have liked it back then, when I had a grudge against Michael Bay productions and the original was more fresh on my mind. It’s certainly not a replacement, and some of it might’ve been lessened if I remembered the original better. But viewed on its own, as 2007 studio horror, it’s pretty impressive – a vicious 84 minute head on collision of a movie. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: car horror, Dave Meyers, Eric Bernt, Eric Red, Jake Wade Wall, Kyle Davis, Neal McDonough, Platinum Dunes, remakes, Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Steve Jablonsky, Zachary Knighton
Posted in Reviews, Horror, Thriller | 6 Comments »
Thursday, October 16th, 2025
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2025) is pretty much what I was hoping for: a traditional/formulaic slasher movie, sometimes slightly more clever than expected, sometimes dumb enough to get some laughs. It has a solid cast of fresh faces, just the right amount of “legacy sequel” characters (more than cameos, less than leads), and a couple fun surprises that I guess people didn’t care enough about to spoil for me even though I missed this in theaters. Thank you! I had a good time watching it at home with friends and a box of Jason Voorhees sponsored cider.
Like HALLOWEEN and SCREAM and almost TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE before it this is not a remake but a sequel that inexplicably has the same title as the original. It does feature a new group of young people who do a new cover up of a new car accident, but when they receive a note saying “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER” and start getting killed by somebody dressed as a fisherman holding a hook they recognize this as something that happened before and they go to original main characters Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt, CAN’T HARDLY WAIT) and Ray Bronson (Freddie Prinze Jr., WING COMMANDER) for advice.
In the trailer this seemed like a ridiculous concept – what advice could they really give? (Unless it’s “Turn yourself in.”) There’s definitely a certain amount of DIE HARD 2 “How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?” knowing absurdity at play. But the idea is that the fishing town of Southport, North Carolina has been gentrified and turned into a highly profitable resort town, and in the process information about the 1997 murders was scrubbed from the internet to protect their reputation. So trying to learn more about the crimes is the group’s only lead for figuring out who would by copying them now. Okay, I’ll go with it. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Billy Campbell, Chase Sui Wonders, Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jonah Hauer-King, Joshua Orpin, Leah McKendrick, legacy sequel, Lois Duncan, Madlyn Cline, Sam Lansky, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Pidgeon, slashers, Tyriq Withers
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 7 Comments »
Friday, October 10th, 2025
When I was writing about VILLAINS the other day I looked up its writing/directing team of Dan Berk & Robert Olsen, and realized I’d already seen 3/5 of their filmography (including BODY and STAKE LAND II). I’ve been meaning to get to their latest, NOVOCAINE, but I’m in horror mode this month, so I went for the other one remaining: SIGNIFICANT OTHER (2022). This one went straight to Paramount+ which, like so many parts of our society today, is now owned by a fascist billionaire currently buying up and destroying our institutions to try to make life shittier for everybody. So I understand if you want nothing to do with that service. But as far as the movie itself this is a good one, I think my favorite by this team.
It’s another one about a young couple, the lady once again played by Maika Monroe (INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE), but it’s more like her usual downbeat characters, and it’s a much more serious movie. She plays Ruth, whose boyfriend Harry (Jake Lacy, CAROL, BEING THE RICARDOS) has convinced her to go on a hiking trip through a forest somewhere in Oregon. He doesn’t seem like a horrible monster or anything, but tends to dance around the line between charming and condescending, and he doesn’t seem very sensitive about how nervous she is. She’s a surfer girl, she didn’t grow up camping like he did, and she suffers from panic attacks. She intellectually understands that yes, going way out into nature with him should be safe, but that doesn’t mean she’s gonna be all relaxed about it. You gotta give her some leeway and understanding, dude. Jesus. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Dan Berk, Jake Lacy, Maika Monroe, Robert Olsen
Posted in Reviews, Horror, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 5 Comments »
Thursday, October 9th, 2025
VILLAINS is a 2019 indie movie I’ve wondered about for a while. It uses the reliable formula “somebody tries to rob a house and discovers a horrific thing going on there.” Other ones that come to mind are THE COLLECTOR, LIVID and DON’T BREATHE. This is a much jokier take on the format than any of those, more of a dark comedy than anything, but I’d say it’s at least horror adjacent. There are maniacs doing something crazy, it takes death seriously, it stars two perhaps underrecognized greats of contemporary horror… yeah, I’ll count it as horror.
It’s about a couple of addled deadbeats named Mickey (Pennywise/Orlok/The Crow himself Bill Skarsgård) and Jules (Maika Monroe, THE GUEST, IT FOLLOWS, WATCHER, LONGLEGS) who clumsily rob their last gas station, intending to use the money to move to Florida and start a new life selling seashells. Trouble is they run out of gas on a remote, wooded road. They are not criminal masterminds.
On foot they find a large, isolated house where no one seems to be home. They break in, hoping to steal the car in the garage or come up with some other escape plan. But they face a moral dilemma when they find a young silent girl (Blake Baumgartner, MADELINE’S MADELINE) chained up in the dark basement. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bill Skarsgard, Black List, Dan Berk, Jeffrey Donovan, Kyra Sedgwick, Maika Monroe, Robert Olsen
Posted in Reviews, Comedy/Laffs, Crime, Horror | 5 Comments »
Monday, October 6th, 2025
HELL OF A SUMMER (2023) is a horror comedy playing off of the format of FRIDAY THE 13TH and other summer camp slashers. It’s not like a Jason movie, it’s based on the whodunit slasher model that was popular in the late ’90s, but that puts it in line with the first FRIDAY THE 13TH and SLEEPAWAY CAMP movies, so I’ll allow it. Anyway I have an interest in the topic, so I decided to see it even though it’s written and directed by two of the kids from GHOSTBUSTERS: AFTERLIFE. Nothing against Billy Bryk and Finn Wolfhard, but there were already two SCREAM movies before they were born, so the chances that their commentary on the genre was gonna offend my old school slasher sensibilities seemed high. I had to turn off THE FINAL GIRLS for horror nerd reasons and that’s a well regarded movie. I’m sensitive.
But I’m okay with this one. It’s pretty funny.
Like many of the FRIDAYs it’s about the counselors gathering and getting into some shit before any kids get there. We know from a fireside prologue that the owners of Camp Pineway, John (Adam Pally, ASSASSINATION OF A HIGH SCHOOL PRESIDENT) and Kathy (Rosebud Baker, TURNABOUT) will be permanently absent thanks to some psycho in a cheap devil mask. I like this intro because the couple have a really natural chemistry, making fun of and laughing with each other, really humanizing them in the brief time before they’re slasher fodder. Good adults in a slasher movie. It immediately gave me more faith in the youths behind the camera. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Aaron Abrams, Abby Quinn, Adam Cesare, Adam Pally, Billy Bryk, Bradley Sawatzky, Carson MacCormac, Carter Blanchard, D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai, Eli Craig, Finn Wolfhard, Fred Hechinger, Julia Lalonde, Katie Douglas, Kevin Durand, Krista Nazaire, Rosebud Baker, summer camps, Will Sasso, young adult books
Posted in Reviews, Comedy/Laffs, Horror | 12 Comments »
Wednesday, October 1st, 2025
My recent revisit of THE BROTHERS GRIMM (2005) pushed me to finally get around to seeing HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013). I had wondered whether they were kind of in the same genre and yeah, turns out they’re more similar than I even guessed. Just like Gilliam’s movie this one starts out with a fairy tale inspired childhood flashback, then tells the story of a pair of traveling supernatural expert siblings hired to help a small town where the children have gone missing. Both movies even have Peter Stormare (GET THE GRINGO) as a cartoonish bad guy (this time he’s the sheriff who gets a chunk of his nose bit off by Gretel).
The major distinction is that they’re not con artists or skeptics – as the title suggests, Hansel (Jeremy Renner immediately following a run of THE TOWN, GHOST PROTOCOL, THE AVENGERS and THE BOURNE LEGACY) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton, CLASH OF THE TITANS) grew up to become witch hunters, and this being a twenty-teens studio movie that means they wear cool leather outfits, have fancy steam punk shotguns and crossbows, do lots of slo-mo spins and flips and what not. Yes, that kind of sounds like a parody movie-within-a-movie meant to satirize Hollywood excess (like something from LAST ACTION HERO, or the Max Landis action version of Huckleberry Finn from the pilot of Jean-Claude Van Johnson). Fortunately writer/director Tommy Wirkola (DEAD SNOW, VIOLENT NIGHT) takes the ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER route of keeping a straight face and trying to make it cool instead of giving in to the temptation to prove to the audience that he’s in on the joke. I was worried for a second because there’s a joke at the beginning about drawings of missing children on milk bottles, but that was a one time occurrence. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alice Krige, Brothers Grimm, David Leitch, Derek Mears, Famke Janssen, Fiona O'Shaugnessy, Gemma Arterton, Ingrid Bolso Berdal, Jeremy Renner, Osgood Perkins, Peter Stormare, Robin Atkin Downes, Sam Hargrave, Samuel Leakey, Sophia Lillis, Thomas Mann, Tommy Wirkola, Zoe Bell
Posted in Reviews, Action, Fantasy/Swords, Horror | 7 Comments »
Friday, August 29th, 2025
August 12, 2005
Even though there were only a handful of horror movies that came out in the summer of 2005 I did not bother to see THE SKELETON KEY. And I believe it was a conscious choice. I tended to dislike Kate Hudson in movies and I think I snobbishly assumed her participation meant it was some phony mainstream horror movie for the normies or whatever. Also I think I still (correctly) distrusted screenwriter Ehren Kruger because of SCREAM 3. Being surprised to like THE RING didn’t fully change my opinion of him.
Hudson (between Garry Marshall’s RAISING HELEN and the Russo Brothers’ YOU, ME AND DUPREE) plays Caroline Ellis, who quits her job at a New Orleans nursing home, disappointed with how dehumanizing it is, and takes a private hospice gig looking after a stroke victim in a plantation house in Terrebonne Parish. Friendly lawyer Luke (Peter Sarsgaard, K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER) convinces fussy Violet Devereaux (Gena Rowlands following THE NOTEBOOK) to hire her to look after her husband Ben (John Hurt not long after HELLBOY), who is bedridden, doesn’t talk and seems terrified all the time. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Ehren Kruger, Gena Rowlands, Iain Softley, Isaach De Bankolé, John Hurt, Joy Bryant, Kate Hudson, Peter Sarsgaard
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 15 Comments »
Monday, August 11th, 2025
Zach Cregger, the guy from the sketch comedy group The Whitest Kids U’Know who suddenly became a horror auteur with BARBARIAN (2022), is back with his ambitious followup. Cregger has mentioned being inspired by MAGNOLIA when trying to explain what he’s doing here, which might sound kind of ridiculous, but it makes it fitting that it’s New Line Cinema putting a whole lot of faith in a promising new director. Pretty big budget, final cut, advertising based on mystery and “from the director of BARBARIAN,” and they even gave it an IMAX release! But I think their confidence is warranted.
The only thing we really knew about from the somewhat cryptic trailers is a mysterious event explained in the opening by a child narrator (reminded me of SHOGUN ASSASSIN). One night at 2:17 AM in the small town of Maybrook, Pennsylvania, seventeen kids get up out of bed, run out their front door into the night and don’t come back. The weirdest part is that they’re all in the same class, taught by Justine Gandy (Julia Garner, WE ARE WHAT WE ARE). So when she comes to school the next day only one kid is there, Alex Lilly (Cary Christopher). Since nobody can figure out what the fuck happened some of the parents, especially Archer Graff (Josh Brolin, THRASHIN’), assume Justine had something to do with it. She’s getting harassing phone calls, threatening knocks on the door at night, her car vandalized, and she has no teaching to do. Things are not going great for her. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alden Ehrenreich, Amy Madigan, Austin Abrams, Benedict Wong, Josh Brolin, Julia Garner, Zach Cregger
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 56 Comments »
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2025
July 22, 2005
In my review of HOUSE OF WAX, when I alluded to another movie being my choice for the most notable horror movie of summer ’05, I was talking about THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. It’s Rob Zombie’s second movie, and I don’t remember anybody thinking it was odd that he could make a sequel to his debut THE HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES that was not advertised as a sequel and was so different from the original that it kinda stands on its own. We just all agreed it was interesting. Instead of a stylized spookhouse ride on elaborate sets it’s a gritty ‘70s style criminals-on-the-lam movie, putting the previously more cartoonish Firefly family – serial killers Otis B. Driftwood (Bill Moseley, PINK CADILLAC), Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie) and the clown Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig, SPIDERBABY) – out on the road to steal cars, lie low and cook in the sun.
And it’s got that 16mm grain I love – dust of the gods. Of course Zombie couldn’t resist using a few wipes and giving the credits gnarly freeze frames that look like lobby cards for some ’70s Italian sleaze movie that makes you feel dirty. He recruited cinematographer Phil Parmet because he’d shot handheld as additional d.p. for Barbara Kopple’s documentary HARLAN COUNTY U.S.A. Maybe the most crucial choice is that the soundtrack is all Lynyrd Skynyrd, Allman Brothers Band, Three Dog Night and stuff like that. Guitars that sing instead of crunch. That changes everything. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bill Moseley, Brian Posehn, Danny Trejo, Diamond Dallas Page, E.G. Daily, Geoffrey Lewis, Kate Norby, Ken Foree, Lew Temple, Matthew McGrory, Priscilla Barnes, Rob Zombie, Sheri Moon Zombie, Sid Haig, William Forsythe
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 16 Comments »
Friday, July 11th, 2025
July 8, 2005
This particular DARK WATER is the Hollywood/English-language remake of the 2002 J-horror movie from THE RING director Hideo Nakata (and based on a short story by the same author, Koji Suzuki). In 2005 I had the earlier movie fresh on my mind to compare this to, but now I came to it fresh, because I barely remember either of them. In fact I got this mixed up with DREAM HOUSE and kept expecting Daniel Craig to show up.
I did remember that it stars Jennifer Connelly (DARK CITY) and is gloomy and rainy. Connelly plays Dahlia Williams, who grew up in Seattle but the weather has apparently followed her into her adult life in New York City. She’s in the middle of a not-very-friendly custody battle with ex-husband Kyle (Dougray Scott, the guy who didn’t play Wolverine because MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2 went over schedule) who wants her to stay close to his apartment in Jersey City, but she finds a place on Roosevelt Island. She’s not happy about it either but it’s cheap and near what she says is a good elementary school for their daughter Ceci (Ariel Gade, later in ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM). (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Camryn Manheim, Dougray Scott, ghosts, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly, Perla Haney-Jardine, Pete Postlethwaite, Rafael Yglesias, remakes, remakes of J-horror movies, Tim Roth, Walter Salles
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 6 Comments »
