Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category
Tuesday, March 31st, 2026
PRIMATE is a 2026 horror movie that I enjoyed for very straight forward reasons: it has a simple premise, executed well, but a little smarter than I expected, and also with some flair. You almost don’t have to mention that it’s a premise with high difficulty to pull off, because the villain is an animal. They always say it’s hard to work with kids or villainous animals.
It’s in the grand tradition of studio horror in that it’s very slick and about pretty young people trying to have a party at Dad’s killer pad while he’s away on business, but it’s much meaner than some of the audience wants these days. It likes most of its characters but doesn’t see that as a reason to spare them. It never felt to me like it was copping out. It means business.
It plays out like a slasher, but it’s also an animal attack movie. At a very basic level it’s CUJO – family pet gets rabies, and is no longer himself. But of course the family pet is a chimpanzee named Ben. His linguist owner taught him ASL, but she died of cancer. Luckily her widower Adam (Troy Kotsur, Academy Award winner for CODA) is a famous novelist who can afford to keep Ben in an enclosure at their beautiful Hawaii estate. His daughters, visiting college student Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah, Dexter: New Blood) and teenage Erin (Gia Hunter, Sherlock & Daughter) treat Ben as a family member and aren’t intimidated by being left alone with him. And when he starts acting up they don’t want to fight him like their visitor does. He’s their brother. They want to talk some sense into him. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: apes, Charlie Mann, Ernest Riera, Gia Hunter, Jess Alexander, Johannes Roberts, Johnny Sequoyah, killer animals, Rob Delaney, Tienne Simon, Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 9 Comments »
Monday, March 30th, 2026
THEY WILL KILL YOU is one of those rare cases where the first time I saw the trailer was the first time I heard of it, and before it was over it had become one of my most anticipated movies. What it conveyed was that Zazie Beetz (GEOSTORM) would play a maid at a hotel that’s run by satanists, they try to sacrifice her, she runs around with a sword chopping them up in spectacular, stylized action scenes. It looked like KILL BILL meets READY OR NOT, and that shorthand does capture some of it. But happily the trailer was also holding back some of the other ingredients in the pot, and they all add up to a fun time at the motion picture house.
Beetz plays Asia Reaves, who ten years ago was on the streets with her little sister Maria (I think there’s a young version whose name I can’t find, but the grown up Maria is Myha’la, BODIES BODIES BODIES). They were running from their abusive father when Asia landed herself in prison. Now she’s out, showing up on a stormy night for a job as a maid at a historic apartment building called The Virgil. I would say this was secretly a sinister place, but they’re pretty open about it – there’s a big pentagram and devil sculptures on the exterior. The characters don’t try to be subtle any more than the movie does. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alex Litvak, Angus Sampson, Carlos Rafael Rivera, Heather Graham, James Remar, Kirill Sokolov, Myha'la Herrold, Paterson Joseph, Patricia Arquette, Tom Felton, Zazie Beetz
Posted in Reviews, Action, Comedy/Laffs, Horror | 4 Comments »
Monday, February 23rd, 2026
The idea of a horror movie called RUMPELSTILTSKIN seemed funny enough to me in the 1990s that I got a poster for it in the free bin at the video store (“1996 THEATRICAL RELEASE!” it exclaimed) and hung it on my wall, but not enough that it ever occurred to me to actually watch it. Then a couple years ago the eccentrically curated label Terror Vision put out a fancy 4K/blu-ray special edition, and I thought, “Could it actually be good?”
Well, that depends on how you define “actually good.” I’d say I got more out of JACK FROST, which had almost the same trajectory for me. But RUMPELSTILTSKIN is one of those movies, scarcer and arguably more charming now, that take an absurd horror concept and go to town with it, knowingly silly and with some jokes but with at least a main character who treats it with complete sincerity. At the time it was easy to hate, but now it’s easier to at least get a smile out of it. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Allyce Beasley, fairy tale horror, fairy tales, Jay Pickett, Joe Ruby, Kevin Yagher, Kim Johnston Ulrich, Kool Moe Dee, li'l bastards, Mark Jones, Max Grodenchik, Ruby-Spears, Tommy Blaze
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 5 Comments »
Thursday, February 12th, 2026
Last year there was a well-reviewed Valentine’s Day slasher movie playing in theaters. Normally I’d be all over that shit, but I boycotted for political reasons. You see, the production company behind it, Spyglass Media Group, were the assholes who fired the star of SCREAMs 5 and 6 from SCREAM 7 for posting about the Gaza genocide. (And being against it.) I grew up on ‘80s horror sequels, so obviously I can roll with the loss of a main character and the derailing of a storyline, but doing it for that reason was too much. They not only fired her but smeared her as having written anti-semitic hate speech and “false references to genocide, ethnic cleansing, Holocaust distortion.” I’d say they’re fucking cowards for not having publicly apologized yet, now that it’s a couple years later and the genocide and ethnic cleansing continue, but I suspect they have no guilt about it whatsoever.
I think back to 2003, when the band then known as the Dixie Chicks got into trouble for saying they were against invading Iraq and embarrassed to be from the same state as George W. Bush. If there had been a SCREAM 4 in the works at that time and then one of the stars criticized the war and got fired for it, I’m positive SCREAM would’ve been dead to me then. So it’s dead to me now. I love my “horror franchise” completism bullshit but not enough, it turns out, to stomach something like this. That’s just my personal decision for myself, I’m not telling anyone else what to do.
For that Valentine’s Day movie though I decided it was okay to watch and review now because I didn’t pay money and it’s not vying for box office dollars. So here’s my right-on-time late review of HEART EYES, which is directed by Josh Ruben (WEREWOLVES WITHIN) and written by Phillip Murphy (HITMAN’S WIFE’S BODYGUARD), Michael Kennedy (IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE) and Christopher Landon (HAPPY DEATH DAY, FREAKY, DROP, was going to direct SCREAM 7 but left after the firing). It’s about an infamous murderer known as the “Heart Eyes Killer,” who kills couples on Valentine’s Day, and the idea is to combine a slasher movie with a romantic comedy. In my opinion they were partially but not fully successful with each side of that coupling. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Ben Black, Christopher Landon, Devon Sawa, Gigi Zumbado, Jordana Brewster, Josh Ruben, Latham Gaines, Mason Gooding, Michael Kennedy, Michaela Watkins, Olivia Holt, Phillip Murphy, set in Seattle, Tony Gardner, Valentine's Day
Posted in Reviews, Horror, Romance | 20 Comments »
Wednesday, February 11th, 2026
QUEENS OF THE DEAD is a 2025 zombie comedy written and directed by Tina Romero. Yes, that Tina Romero. The one who was in LAND OF THE DEAD.
Oh shit, yeah — and also George Romero’s daughter. She’s continuing the family business in the sense that she made a movie and it’s zombies and it’s a diverse cast and it contains commentary about our times. But she’s got her own thing going stylistically and tonally – this is flashy, neon, and undeniably a comedy. It cares about its characters and the deaths can hurt, but laughs are the priority, scares are not.
Now, I don’t want this to sound wrong, but just for context I don’t really follow or get drag. I did recently enjoy THE ADVENTURES OF PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT and I think that gave me some appreciation for the artistry and humor of it, but it’s not really a tradition I relate to I guess. So I have no clue how this plays to people who are closer to that world. I tried to sell a drag-savvy co-worker on it and he seemed skeptical.
But personally I was very impressed by the character credited as “ZombiQueen” (Julie J, whose IMDb “Known for” section includes Bang Bus and Street Blowjobs). She opens the movie strutting into a church, meticulously decked in gaudy rhinestones, giant blue hair, silver boots and nails, on a mission to pray to God because “after the day I’ve had I need a word with Her.” But her day gets worse. She gets a chunk of her shoulder (and costume) bit off by a zombified priest. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Dominique Jackson, drag queens, Easter, Easter horror, Jack Haven, Jaquel Spivey, Julie J, Katy O'Brian, Kimball Farley, Margaret Cho, Nina West, Quincy Dunn-Baker, Riki Lindhome, Sarah Coffey, Tina Romero, Tom Savini, Tomas Matos
Posted in Reviews, Comedy/Laffs, Horror | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, February 4th, 2026
I always kinda wanted to see QUEEN OF THE DAMNED and I think we can all be proud of me that I managed to get it in before it turned 25. Pretty much still a new release! If you’ve forgotten though, it’s basically a new cast, new filmmakers sequel to INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, with Tom Cruise’s vampire character Lestat now played by Stuart Townsend (SIMON MAGUS). He also narrates the movie and man does it make for a funny opening. He explains how he got sick of immortality “So I went to sleep, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out, and a sort of death might happen.” He’s Dracula-ing inside a coffin in a crypt with a cool skeleton sculpture on the lid.
“But as I lay there, the world didn’t sound like the place I had left, but something… different. Better.”
Cut to a series of close ups: a kick drum, guitars, tattoos, nipple rings, etc., as rocking out occurs. A band is jamming in his old mansion and the sound wakes him up. He slips into their jam session and appoints himself lead vocalist. You gotta just assert yourself, right? Fake it ’til you make it. When they ask him “Who the hell are you, man?” he says “I am the vampire Lestat.” They laugh and then realize he’s serious and then he turns them.
“From that moment on they were my friends, my children, my band. Giving the world a new god. Me.” (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Aaliyah, Anne Rice, Lena Olin, Marguerite Moreau, Michael Petroni, Michael Rymer, nu metal, Paul McGann, Richard Gibbs, Scott Abbott, Serena Altschul, Stuart Townsend, Vincent Perez
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 8 Comments »
Monday, February 2nd, 2026
Sam Raimi is back! With a new movie. Not one of his best, but hey – we got a new Sam Raimi movie. SEND HELP was brought to him by screenwriters Damian Shannon & Mark Swift (FREDDY VS. JASON, FRIDAY THE 13TH 2009), but it follows part of the DRAG ME TO HELL template in that it’s about a timid woman who doesn’t fit in and gets overlooked and mistreated by the sexist assholes at her corporate job, then finds her inner viciousness to be able to compete with them. A difference is that in the earlier film the horror scenario comes as punishment for the shitty thing she does to get ahead. This one is about how getting stranded on an island with her asshole boss becomes her opportunity to unleash her mean side.
Linda Liddle (Rachel McAdams, PASSION) has worked for seven years as a corporate strategist, though her new boss thinks she’s an accountant. The previous CEO promised her a promotion to vice president, but then he died and his son Bradley Preston (Dylan O’Brien, AMERICAN ASSASSIN) took over. To Linda’s shock he gives the promotion to Donovan (Xavier Samuel, THE LOVED ONES, Bernard Rose’s FRANKENSTEIN), an idiotic Patrick Bateman type who’s pretty new there, steals credit for her work and happens to have been Bradley’s frat brother. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bill Pope, Bob Murawski, Damian Shannon, Dennis Haysbert, Dylan O'Brien, Mark Swift, Rachel McAdams, Sam Raimi, stranded on an island, Xavier Samuel
Posted in Reviews, Comedy/Laffs, Horror, Thriller | 23 Comments »
Wednesday, January 21st, 2026
I liked 28 DAYS LATER when it came out in 2003 and I liked 28 WEEKS LATER when it came out in 2007, but I still have never revisited them. So I’m honestly very surprised how invested I am in this followup trilogy that started last year with Danny Boyle’s 28 YEARS LATER and now continues with Nia DaCosta’s 28 YEARS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE.
It was such a surprising choice: Boyle and writer Alex Garland finally made their long anticipated third film, but also prepared a script for the director of LITTLE WOODS and CANDYMAN 2021 to shoot back-to-back with it. Boyle’s movie set up the new characters, and now DaCosta continues their story, but other than a few homages during zombie attacks she doesn’t mimic Boyle’s style at all. Cinematographer Sean Bobbitt (THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES, WIDOWS, THE RHYTHM SECTION), editor Jake Roberts (HELL OR HIGH WATER, MEN) and composer Hildur Guðnadóttir (JOKER, TÁR) all go in very different directions from the distinct ones Boyle’s team chose, giving us a calmer and more traditional (not shot on iPhones) but still very effective look at this world of a zombie infection pandemic and its survivors. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alex Garland, Alfie Williams, Chi Lewis-Parry, Danny Boyle, Emma Laird, Erin Kellyman, Hildur Guonadottir, Jack O'Connell, Louis Ashbourne Serkis, Nia DaCosta, Ralph Fiennes, Sean Bobbit
Posted in Reviews, Horror | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, January 20th, 2026
MARSHMALLOW (2025) is a well made summer camp horror movie that manages the impressive feat of not really seeming like a riff on FRIDAY THE 13TH, SLEEPAWAY CAMP or THE BURNING (or for that matter CHEERLEADER CAMP, MADMAN, STAGE FRIGHT, CUB, or HELL OF A SUMMER). It does this in part by taking the kids, the parents and (to a lesser extent) the counselors seriously as characters and giving them relatable emotions before most of the horror movie stuff kicks in.
Morgan (Kue Lawrence, DEATHCEMBER, SKETCH) is a shy kid cursed with a horrendous bowl cut. In the opening scene he timidly approaches some taller kids who are aggressively passing a basketball around and asks if he can join them. They pretty much tell him to eat shit and run away while laughing at him. Morgan doesn’t notice this, but his grandpa (Corbin Bernsen, THE DENTIST) is sitting across the street witnessing the whole thing. So we feel both the pain of the kid and of the adult who’s gotta be torn up about what he’s seeing but can’t really intervene without humiliating the kid further. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Alysia Reiner, Andy Greskoviak, Corbin Bernsen, Daniel DelPurgatorio, Giorgia Whigham, Kue Lawrence, Marcia King, Max Malas, Maxwell Whittington-Cooper, Paul Soter, Pierson Fode, Robert Kurtzman, Samantha Neyland-Trumbo, summer camps, Sutton Johnston
Posted in Reviews, Horror, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 2 Comments »
Thursday, December 18th, 2025
A couple years ago I really liked this horror-thriller I saw on Shudder called INFLUENCER. Yes, I agree with you that movies, and especially horror, are a little too fascinated with social media influencers right now, but I swear this is a good one. Madison (Emily Tennant, SNIPER: ASSASSIN’S END) makes a very good living traveling to exotic places and posting about her adventurous lifestyle, but we see that at least at this time it’s kind of a front. She’s actually depressed and mostly staying alone at a resort in Bangkok, sad that her boyfriend didn’t come.
Then she meets CW, played by Cassandra Naud (IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE), an American expat who has lived there for a while and shows her a good time. Unfortunately for Madison, fortunately for cinema, CW turns out to be a psycho with a resentment toward influencers and the computer skills to really do a number on their lives. I like that the influencer is somehow sympathetic but the villain is still fun. It’s kind of a modern take on ‘90s thrillers like SINGLE WHITE FEMALE, BASIC INSTINCT and THE NET, but also kind of a noir because it mostly follows CW as she gets deeper and deeper into her lies and tries to navigate a smooth exit. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Cassandra Naud, Emily Tennant, Georgina Campbell, influencers, Jonathan Whitesell, Kurtis David Harder, Lisa Delamar, Veronica Long
Posted in Reviews, Horror, Thriller | 4 Comments »
