Archive for the ‘Drama’ Category
Friday, November 30th, 2001
Remember for a little while there people thought Quentin Tarantino’s job was to find washed up actors who can’t get good roles anymore, put them in a great role and revive their career. He did it for Harvey Keitel and John Travolta anyway, and sort of for Bruce. He also helped bring attention to Steve Buscemi, outlaw award winner Samuel L. Jackson, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen and others. But somehow, when he gave both Pam Grier and Robert Forster in the best roles of their careers in the great JACKIE BROWN, the same magic didn’t work.
I mean these two were incredible in JACKIE BROWN. And what do they get? Oscar buzz that amounts to nothing, and some more really bad roles. Poor Pam Grier was in JAWBREAKER and SNOW DAY. Robert Forster kept doing straight to videos, with only an occasional bit part as a generic cop or doctor in things like MULHOLLAND DRIVE and the remake of PSYCHO PART 1. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Donnie Wahlberg, heists, Robert Forster
Posted in Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Saturday, November 10th, 2001
In Hollywood they have a saying that goes something like, “if you can’t think of anything funny, put a movie star in a fat suit.” On some magazine I saw on a news stand they had another saying that goes, “Fat suits: the new blackface.”
It’s true too. I mean the less acceptable it becomes to make fun of the gays, the more people need somebody else to pick on. So they start pickin on these big folks.
I don’t know why but for some reason people think it’s hilarious to see a celebrity made up to look all fat. They did it on Big Momma’s House. They did it on one of those sitcoms that is popular now, I believe it was either Friends or Cheers. The one about the kids in the apartment who have relationships, etc. Also Eddie Murphy did it. He thought it was so funny he based two movies around it. And within each movie he had to play four or five different fat characters in order to try to fill the whole movie with laughs. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Farrelly Brothers, fat suit, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jack Black, Jason Alexander
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews, Romance | No Comments »
Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
I have to admit, the digital video is starting to look more promising. For a while there I was about to declare it my arch-enemy. It never looked like a real movie. It always looked like crap. But it was winning over directors like Spike Lee, lowering their standards. Either it looked muddy and ugly (like Bamboozled) or like a TV special (like Original Kings of Comedy). Even in the best cases it just looked like cheap film stock (Chuck and Buck) and in the only case where it looked really great (Julien Donkey Boy) it was because they transferred it to film and then back to video and then back to film, or some crazy shit like that that nobody else is gonna bother to try.
I’m still skeptical but I must admit that the technology is improving, making it more acceptable. They’re even using digital video for important works like the next Soderbergh film and the third installment in the Mariachi trilogy. I saw an ad for Star Wars Part 2 and although it looked more artifial than part 1, I would never have guessed it was all shot on some super high tech rich guy camcorder. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Ethan Hawke, Richard Linklater, Robert Sean Leonard, Uma Thurman
Posted in Drama, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Friday, November 2nd, 2001
Hey folks, Harry here with the latest from that insane man… VERN. Vern comes from another planet…. or so I’ve heard. They apparently herd sheep into trailers there. He’s using this grazing ability to sum up the cornstalkability of this latest film from the Coens…. Here ya go…
THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE
by Vern
Monday I saw the new movie by the Coen Brothers.
First I gotta say, I am not exactly familiar with these brothers. The hughes brothers I know. The wachowski brothers. The Maysles brothers. The doobie brothers I know a thing or two about. For example, they have two drummers don’t they? I don’t know. The point is, you know more about the coen brothers than I do. Are they twins? I don’t know. Maybe they aren’t really brothers, it is only a stage name like the blues brothers, the smothers brothers or the isley brothers. The point is, I wouldn’t know. Because I know jack shit about them, if jack shit was two things. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Billy Bob Thornton, Coen Brothers, Frances McDormand, James Gandolfini
Posted in AICN, Crime, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Sunday, October 28th, 2001
I gotta admit I was surprised by this picture. It is about a young man (named Donnie Darko [that is why the movie is called Donnie Darko, it is the dude’s name]) to whom all the weird shit happens. Like for example a demonic rabbit lures him out of bed to a golf course, whispering mysterious type business to him in a spooky voice. In the morning he comes home and, you know, a plane engine has fallen onto his bedroom. Only one thing is, nobody knows what happened to the plane the engine fell off of. And it would be bad enough to have a plane engine fall into your room in the first place, then you gotta throw in all this mysterious bermuda triangle type business too. I mean he has a hard enough time just with school work now he has to deal with this shit.
This movie didn’t get much of a release and I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s coming out in a time when Donnie Darko’s life doesn’t seem all that different from ours. Engines do fall out of the sky. I mean they have ax fights on planes now. They have shoe bombs and shit. They’re gonna have baboon attacks pretty soon, the way things are going in my opinion. Pilots gored by elephants after that. I mean why do they allow elephants in the cargo hold anyway is what they’re gonna say. We shoulda seen that loophole. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Patrick Swayze, Richard Kelly
Posted in Drama, Mystery, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, July 25th, 2001
To: harry@aintitcool.com
From: outlaw_69@my-deja.com
Cc: moriartyaicn@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2001 00:35:48
Subject: Vern sees BROTHER
——————————————————————————–
Dear Harry and the boys,
My name is Vern and I am a scholar of the Badass Cinema. I take my job very seriously and I would stake my entire academic reputation on this here claim: Takeshi Kitano is a Badass Laureate.
For those of you who are not familiar with Badass theory, the Badass Laureate is the highest category of Badass. There are many Badass individuals who have proven themselves through their works. I’m talking about gentlemen like Jet Li, Dolemite and Chow Yun Fat. Like Lee Marvin and James Coburn and Toshiro Mifune.
I’m a fan of the Bruces (Willis, Campbell and Lee). I enjoy asskickers of all types and nationalities. But none of these guys are Badass Laureates. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Badass Laureates, Takeshi Kitano
Posted in AICN, Crime, Drama, Reviews, Thriller | No Comments »
Saturday, June 30th, 2001
Baby Boy is the underrated new picture by young Johnny Singleton, the director of Shaft 2K who was also the youngest fella to ever get nominated for a best director oscar. That was for Boyz N the Hood, and what makes Baby Boy interesting is that it is a companion piece to that movie, telling the story of thugs and gangstas in South Central Los Angeles. But now Singleton is older and he sees things differently. So instead of portraying these thugs as a menace to society, he portrays them as a bunch of fucking babies who need their mommies.
The main character is Jody, who is played by a model named Tyrese. He is bald and muscled, like what Singleton wishes he looked like. But he drives his girlfriend’s car or, when necessary, rides a bike. And he lives with his mom, even though he has two different babies from two different mamas. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: John Singleton, Omar Gooding, Snoop Dogg, Taraji P. Henson, Tyrese, Ving Rhames
Posted in Crime, Drama, Reviews, Romance | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Sounds like Vern got cheated out of a screening of BATTLE ROYALE, and maybe that’s a good thing. He’s a reformed man after being a guest of the state, but who knows what’ll happen when you lay bare the blackest heart of man against man. I’d much rather be in a theater with Vern during a warped little character flick like GHOST WORLD, Terry (CRUMB) Zwigoff’s adaptation of the Daniel Clowes comics. I can’t wait to see this, and thanks to the always-appreciated efforts of Vern, we’re getting a little early peek…
This is a story about an individual named Vern who is standing in an alley outside of the Egyptian theater in Seattle, Washington where the world premiere of a movie is about to take place. There is a line around the building and I’m standing next to this dumpster that smells like piss and I’m thinking, this must be the line for Battle Royale. Battle Royale is this movie everybody’s talking about. It’s this week’s Chopper. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Brad Renfro, Illeana Douglas, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi, Terry Zwigoff, Thora Birch
Posted in AICN, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews, SIFF | No Comments »
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
Hey folks, Harry here with that sick bastard Vern and his fascinating look at that sick bastard, ED GEIN… well, technically it focuses on that Steven Railsback film that we premiered at BUTT-NUMB-A-THON 2 last year as the ender… The film is definitely not for all tastes, but for those with an eclectic bite… well, it hit the spot. Here’s Vern… a cousin of some sort to Moriarty (20 times removed I believe)…
Hey boys I got a new one for you. There is a movie coming to video called ED GEIN, about this sick fuck named ED GEIN. If you like movies about a guy running around in the moonlight howling and beating a drum and wearing a lady’s privates for his clothes, then this is the movie for you. But more about that later. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: biography, Chuck Parello, Steve Railsback
Posted in AICN, Crime, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, February 19th, 2001
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Vern watches this stuff so you don’t have to. Remember that.
CI2 by Vern, king of straight to video garbage
So here’s the deal friends. The year: 1782. The land: France. An author burdened with the handle Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderlos de Laclos puts the feather to the pulp, or whatever they did back then and over there, and he comes up with a decadent little novel by the name a Les Liaisons Dangereuses. Or Dangerous Liasions, for americans. The novel is about this manipulative gal and the sexual games she plays with this fella Valmont. I’m going to call this gal Catherine Murneaux for the purposes of this piece because that’s what they call her in the movies. Not sure about the novel I’m still catching up on some of the Donald Goines and Iceberg Slim books, working my way towards the pre-French revolution works and what not. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Amy Adams, DTV, DTV sequels, Mimi Rogers, Roger Kumble
Posted in AICN, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
