“I’m Paul Barlow, and this is my daughter Jo.”

“Malone.”

“You got a first name?”

“Yeah.”

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

This is weird, there’s a JURASSIC PARK sequel that came out 2 1/2 months ago and I didn’t get around to seeing it until this weekend, when it’s down to two showings a day. I think I saw all the other ones opening day or weekend. But maybe it was a smart move on this one because it benefits from the lowered expectations of everyone telling me it was trash.

In JURASSIC WORLD, you remember, they reopened the dinosaur park and the dinosaurs reattacked the new park and there was a new guy named Owen Grady (Chris Pratt, WEINERS) who was real macho and always trying to show off the size of his forearms. And he trains raptors and has a contentious bickery love with an uptight lady who works at the park named Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard, TERMINATOR SALVATION).

In FALLEN KINGDOM, the dinos are still loose on abandoned Isla Nubar, where a volcano is about to erupt. Claire is now a dinosaur rights activist trying to convince the government to act to save these endangered dinosaurs. She’s contacted by Eli Mills (Rafe Spall, GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS), who runs the estate of John Hammond’s dying partner Lockwood (James Cromwell, SPECIES II; also played Howard’s father in SPIDER-MAN 3) and wants to fund the rescue mission. But he especially wants to find Blue, the most intelligent raptor, and knows that Owen is the only person who could track her.

Also along for the ride are two new dinosaur activist characters, Dr. Zia Rodriguez (Daniella Pineda, NEWLYWEDS) and Franklin Webb (Justice Smith, PAPER TOWNS). Zia calls herself a “paleo-veterinarian” and knows how to do a blood transfusion from a t-rex to a raptor even though this is her first time seeing dinosaurs. But it’s kinda cool to have a scientist character who’s a tough lady with hipster glasses and tattoos. Franklin is the computer expert but Smith, who is so cool as Books, the main character on the great Netflix show The Get Down, is not well-served by the comic relief of being nerdy and scared all the time. Though he does a pretty funny high pitched scream.

I still wish they called this THE LOST PARK: JURASSIC WORLD. And it does kind of rehash some of the ideas of THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK, with lead characters from the last one reluctantly returning to the park for a dinosaur rescue mission, and then when they get there there are a bunch of macho asshole hunter dicks driving around who don’t respect the animals at all and brutalize them and really want to take them for nefarious, capitalistic, extremely stupid purposes, and then they get loose on the mainland.

Also the title they went with is really misleading because I thought it was a new section of the park that’s themed after that Denzel Washington movie FALLEN. That’s what it sounds like, right? But it’s not.

Mills’s villainous scheme is to auction off the dinosaurs to international villains. That includes a new creation, the “Indoraptor,” which uses DNA from JURASSIC WORLD’s man-made species the Indomitus Rex and combines it with Blue’s raptor DNA, recommended for military applications. I guess that will be the thing now, they introduce a new fake dinosaur in each sequel. In my opinion they’ve been overhyping this prototype, though, because nobody should pay millions of dollars for the ultimate genetically engineered predator only to find that a couple people can repeatedly hide behind a statue without it hearing, smelling or sensing them, and then for it to chase after them and keep stumbling and just missing them. Like, it happens fifteen or more times within a 15 minute period. It gets outrun by a little girl. They’re supposed to use this thing in wars? This super-monster is a total lemon.

I seem to have liked JURASSIC WORLD more than most, but I don’t remember it that well. I do recall complaints about Claire running around the island in heels. Trevorrow was accused of sexism but ironically it was Howard who insisted that was how her character felt most comfortable. The joke they make about it here is subtle: the first time we see her, the shot starts on her pumps. But on the island she wears boots. Sell out.

Last time I appreciated that Pratt was playing a type of masculinity that’s kind of out of fashion. Macho and covered in grease and always working on engines and shit. This time he’s introduced building himself a house and he has kind of an Indy/Marion contentious reunion with Claire, but for the most part is kind of generic action hero. I guess it’s cool that they give him the series’ first long-take-where-he-runs-across-a-room-punching-a-series-of-dudes. Reminded me of TEMPLE OF DOOM or something.

Ted Levine in THE MANGLER

Like JURASSIC WORLD, this was written by Derek Connolly & Colin Trevorrow, though Trevorrow did not direct because he was busy doing THE BOOK OF HENRY and the STAR WARS EPISODE XI that he would be fired from. Instead it’s directed by J.A. Bayona (THE ORPHANAGE, THE IMPOSSIBLE, A MONSTER CALLS). There are some well directed sequences, mostly in the first section of total dino mayhem as the mercenaries, led by not-even-trying-to-hide-that-he’s-evil Wheatley (Ted Levine, THE MANGLER, THE HILLS HAVE EYES) turn on the activists and the thunder lizards stampede away from natural disaster. Maybe the cleverest is when Owen has been shot by a tranquilizer dart and can barely move as a triceratops drags a big, super-detailed-cg tongue over his face. Then he WOLF OF WALL STREETs his almost-paralyzed body away from slow moving molten lava.

The most intense one is where Claire and Franklin drive the plexiglass bubble vehicle off a cliff into water and Owen heroically swims down and has to try a bunch of shit to get them out while dinosaurs and globs of hot lava drip from above.

But there’s an inordinate amount of the movie taking place at the Lockwood mansion, which does have an underground dinosaur cloning lab, but still feels a little dull and small time for a fuckin JURASSIC PARK movie. And I honestly have no idea if Lockwood is a character who was ever mentioned before. I assumed that he must’ve been in JURASSIC WORLD and I forgot about him, but apparently not.

As you’ve seen in the trailers, Jeff Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm returns for a brief guest appearance at a hearing basically gloating that he was right and the dinosaurs are super fucking dangerous and this is crazy man. And then another hearing that they have afterwards for him to reiterate the gloating. It’s kinda cool that he comes back but honestly not that cool because the last time we saw him in part 2 he was a fuckin rockstar who wears a leather jacket and sunglasses and people ask for his autograph on the subway because of his book about chaos theory. And/or his dinosaur encounter. Now he’s just an old guy.

There is one and only one way they could’ve knocked this scene out of the park, and that’s if during the testimony he turned to the spectators to make eye contact with his daughter Kelly (Vanessa Lee Chester, now 34) and she’s wearing an Olympic gold medal for gymnastics. None of the previous JURASSIC kids return, but there’s a subplot about Lockwood’s granddaughter Maisie (first timer Isabella Sermon). She’s arguably not as silly as the other kid characters in the series, but she’s the only one who’s kept separate from the heroes for most of the movie, so she seems gratuitous until they find her hiding in a vent like Newt.

I definitely gotta rank this as the stupidest of the JURASSIC PARK series, and my second least favorite after part three-claw-slashes. That said, there’s enough good pulpy stuff that I had a big dumb grin on my face on several occasions. The transparently evil villains make the eaten-off-the-toilet lawyer from part 1 seem subtle and true to life, but at least it makes it more fun when the dinosaurs get loose. I enjoyed motherfuckers getting pieces munched off and thrown around and particularly a scene (COOL PART SPOILER) where the guy with the thick skull runs around a room full of rich assholes ramming them and you can’t always see where he is but you see people flying out of the crowd like they’re being fired out of a cannon.

I didn’t so much enjoy the Ryan-Reynolds-meets-Dane-Cook smarminess of Mills, or Toby Jones (THE MIST), but Levine is always a good bad guy, and they go the extra mile by having him call Zia a “nasty woman,” so when he reaches his inevitable Death By Poor Decision (he SPOILER goes into the Indoraptor cage for a trophy tooth) we can imagine him wearing a MAGA hat. I noticed another dig at Trump during a news report about “the Isla Nubar Crisis.” The scroll says “U.S. President questions existence of dinosaurs in the first place.” We’re in a sad moment where it pulls you out of a movie if they refer to a president who sounds competent (see MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT). Here they go extra-extra-extra-extra sub-moronic to make it seem almost as dumb as something you saw the real one tweet while you were waiting for the movie to start.

Definitely my favorite thing about this movie is that there is now a continuing dinosaur character, and she’s shown the respect of two major action moments. I was very happy to see Blue get to jump away from an explosion, though it could’ve been better with slow motion. Thankfully she gets that treatment and then some in the SPOILER glorious Indoraptor coup de grace when they fall through glass together and spin around and the heavy is triple-impaled on a triceratops skull.

It’s fair to say that this is not at all worthy of the series started by Steven Spielberg. It’s also fair to say that it’s fun to watch extremely detailed digital dinosaurs chew people up and get involved in increasingly ridiculous situations. If you, like me, enjoy JAWS sequels, you may have the capacity to appreciate this one.

Miscellaneous SPOILER notes:

They keep drawing out a big reveal of who Maisie’s dead mother was, which had me scratching my head because who could it possibly be that would be relevant – the little girl from part 1? The little girl who gets attacked in the opening of part 2? Well, it turns out Maisie is actually a clone of Lockwood’s daughter who died too young. Which I suppose makes sense for this world, but the awkward way it comes out makes it seem laughable. Anyway, the way she climbs around the building maybe she was engineered for parkour.

The Indoraptor is trained so that you can signal it with a high pitched frequency to attack whatever you’re pointing a laser sight at. And then they’re trapped on a glass roof and Claire defeats it by intentionally targeting Owen and then he kind of matadors it to fall through the glass. Which was cool but why didn’t she think of just aiming the target in the distance? Wouldn’t that be a safer bet?

The delightfully ludicrous climax involves the moral decision of whether to let the dinosaurs die from a gas leak or just release them into human civilization. I thought it was really funny that this could be done by pressing a big red button that says something about “PRESS IN EMERGENCY.” Basically they have an emergency dinosaur release button!

So, I kinda loved the ending. Hey, you’re a clone, and you let the dinosaurs out, so you’re our daughter now. Let’s go for a drive. And I especially like that Owen tries to convince his BDF Blue to get in a cage and she considers it but decides nah. I imagine she’ll travel from town to town helping people like The Incredible Hulk.

And now they’ve set up a sequel that might owe a story credit to the Dinosaurs Attack! trading cards. They better go all the way on that one.

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 6th, 2018 at 11:05 am and is filed under Monster, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

21 Responses to “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom”

  1. I would pay a premium admission fee to watch Blue goes the Hulk route. That’s outstanding, Vern.

  2. I frigging loved this one, for all the reasons you outlined. It’s probably my favorite of the JP sequels. My personal preference would be for there to be no sequels at all, but if we have to have them, stylishly-directed gonzo schlock is the way to go. I’m sure it’s a bad movie but I had so much fun with it I don’t care.

    Five out of five Goldblums, would get eaten again.

  3. I thought the part where the heroes got on that barge and looked back to see a brontosaurus plaintively wailing at the end of the pier and everyone had a “oh no, we left one behind” face and the dinosaur died was really hilarious.

    Also the amount of money the bad guy was doing all this for was way too small.

    Not as good as the last one, but I still laughed a lot. Dumb ass movie.

  4. Phillip:
    “I thought the part where the heroes got on that barge and looked back to see a brontosaurus plaintively wailing at the end of the pier and everyone had a “oh no, we left one behind” face and the dinosaur died was really hilarious.” I had tears streaming down my face. You MONSTER!

    Anyway, expectations were low, but for my money this was a huge improvement on JW1. The sheer audaciousness of some of its ideas: to save a raptor’s life we have to crawl into the T-Rex crate; the little girl finds out about a scary dinosaur and then discovers that it’s IN HER BASEMENT; the emergency “Save the dinos!” button…. I can only hope whoever makes the third takes such a gleeful approach to dinosaur shenanigans.

    Biggest complaint is that not until the fucking CODA of the second film do we finally see the promise of this trilogy’s name fulfilled. Nonetheless, all of those shots at the end (many of which were spoiled bye trailer) filled me with childlike joy, especially Blue descending into the quiet suburbs.

  5. Here’s how deeply I loathed JURASSIC WORLD: there’s a new sequel directed by someone not implicated in the previous debacle, and it’s described as a Old Dark House movie with Dinosaurs, and I STILL can’t muster any enthusiasm to see it. I don’t doubt that Vern is right and it’s a lot of fun, but I may not be a big enough man to forgive this franchise.

  6. SPOILER

    I mean imagine if the next one opens as a domestic drama about a woman in that suburb and she acts happy but something is clearly wrong, and soon it becomes clear that her husband is abusive. Then Blue steps in to help. This could be some good shit.

  7. I think this one is ok, just ok, certainly not “trash” but certainly not even close to the standards of the original movie.

    My perspective on the Jurassic franchise is thus, the story was basically over after THE LOST WORLD, the dinosaurs get to live in peace and not be tourist attractions, the end. Which is why Michael Crichton never wrote a third novel, what more can you really do? Well as we see, if you force the story to go on things get pretty ridiculous.

    But that’s also what’s fun about the movies post TLW, it’s best to think of 3 and the WORLD movies as spinoffs, like a Saturday morning cartoon series or just a general “what if?’ deal, basically JP and TLW represent “continuity A” and the WORLD movies are “continuity B”, this makes it easier to forgive the movies’ flaws (why don’t Star Wars fans do the same thing for the sequel trilogy?) and just enjoy what’s fun about them, in particular I have a fondness for the characters of Owen and Claire, they’re somewhat thin characters but Pratt and Howard are likable actors and do a good job in making them compelling characters to follow on adventures.

    In fact I think that’s the real genius of the WORLD movies is finally giving us central protagonist characters that work, the original JP is very much an ensemble movie and the two times they tried to make Malcolm and Grant as central protagonists it never really worked as well as it should.

    Also, it’s important to understand how much JP means to me, JURASSIC PARK is literally the first movie I can remember seeing in theaters 25 years ago, it hits that nostalgic sweet spot for me the way STAR WARS does for most people, just the novelty of going to the theater, getting my popcorn and soda and sitting down to watch a new movie in the JP series was a much needed dose of nostalgic feeling, during the credits the theater actually had an employee dressed in a dinosaur costume come in and run around, posing for pictures, so I had a good time.

    I’m just such a sucker for this type of movie that I’m probably the world’s biggest fan of GODZILLA 2014 and KONG: SKULL ISLAND and even got some enjoyment from A SOUND OF THUNDER even though a big part of that enjoyment was laughing at how terrible the CGI is.

    However there are some things that bug me about FALLEN KINGDOM and I think number 1 is James Cromwell’s character Lockwood, it’s certainly feasible that Hammond could have had some business partner who hasn’t been mentioned before, but why is he a carbon copy of John Hammond himself? It’s confusing and weird, I kept waiting for the twist that he was a bad guy but no, he needed something to differentiate the character from Hammond, it feels like he was simply meant to BE John Hammond but they got cold feet about simply recasting the character with Cromwell and at the last moment changed him to someone new, but that doesn’t make sense either because Hammond was stated to be dead in JURASSIC WORLD, like I said, it’s confusing and weird.

    And the environment of Lockwood manor and how much of the movie takes place there, like Vern said it feels surprisingly small scale for a JP movie, though it is an interesting location in its own right, I enjoyed all the stuff with the Indoraptor, I also loved Giacchino’s new theme and that scene with the brontosaurus got me in the “feels”

    So overall like I said I thought the movie was ok, I’m definitely interested to see where they take it from here, I too was reminded of Dinosaurs Attack!

  8. The world building is completely farcical in this. Vern already covered the Indorsptor’s supposed abilities that get expositioned only to get ignored until it’s the right plot time. How about also how the Indoraptor is a raging barging maniac in the museum then when it’s time for a suspense sequence it starts slowly sneaking around vs savagely killing its prey? I’d add also that the dinosaurs at the end when all together and escaping act the exact opposite of how they acted when the volanco was popping off l? Why because the emotional mood of the scene is different or something.

    This movie totally relies on exploiting images and memories of the first JP (e.g the sad shot of the Dino left behind) which was legitimately great. The first movie also does a far far better job at establishing limits to the dinosaurs and the situations and not just flagrantly breaking them.

    This or JP3 was definitely the worst JP.

  9. I kinda liked the idea of doing a Jurassic Park movie mostly inside a house. I mean, that’s got to be the most anti-tentpole blockbuster way to approach something. Still, the movie I really want to see is the one they set up. I mean, if you have the idea of dinosaurs coming to the U.S., why bother making this movie first? Start with that and then Ian Malcolm is more involved because he warned us.

    Hell, even doing the actual story of Bryce turning dinosaur activist and Malcolm speaking out against it would be more of a movie. Imagine if it was just the Jurassic World political debate and they keep cutting back and forth between that and dinosaurs eating people.

    So yeah, it really left the best ideas on the table, but the volcano scene was fun and the dinosaur mansion part was different so I was fine with it.

  10. I forgot to add that there’s a weird line included in the auction that they should’ve cut about how the Indoraptor can either hear or smell things miles away…which they completely undercut shortly afterwards. There’s also some stuff implying the new raptor is a sociopath from its isolation and maybe can communicate (at least with Blue or similar Dino’s) which goes nowhere.

    This movie is just a giant “hey wouldn’t it be cool if we did this here?” Kid fantasy logic be damned. It’s aggressively stupid and/or obvious with all it’s story beats. (How Owen gets recruited is literally what I was thinking a lazy screenwriter could do to get him back involved.) at the risk of angering people, I’ve got a hunch that the kind of people that really like this movie, I’d just not get along with—similar to how I’m not likely to personally get along with Trump voters. It definitely seems like there’s a type of moviegoer that just liked this movie in a way beyond what other monster movies e.g. Kong get.

  11. This movie made me so angry, for no really good reason. It is such a steaming piece of unimaginative horseshit. The plot is basically a meld of Jurassic World and JP Lost World. The bad guy is the same, the plot is a rehash. And basically the movie has become such a parody of itself that the dinosaurs are actually the good guys, eating the scenery chewing bad guys, always swooping in at the last minute to save the day. There is a scene where Pratt is getting ready to leave the group on the island for some nonsensical reason and he shrugs and tells Bryce Dallas Howard “I’ll be fine.” That is what sucks about these movies now. The Dinosaurs aren’t scary, the heroes never feel like they are in any danger whatsoever. I feel like these movies are falling into the rut that Friday the 13th/Nightmare on Elm Street and other slashers fell into. The big bad guy is so familiar that he almost becomes the hero. The job is to make the antagonists so despicable that you root for them to get killed. Admit it, most Friday the 13th fans are rooting for Jason, not the campers.

    As for the ending, I think I would like a sequel where dinosaurs are just a way of life. Like people who live in California have to worry about coyotes and mountain lions, people in Florida have to keep an eye out for Gators. Now people have to be careful when they let their dogs out at night that they don’t get eaten by swarming compys, raptors or pterodactyls. “Marge, a raptor got in the garbage last night.”

  12. The next movie needs to start with Ian Malcolm, boarding a plane to Europe, constantly telling the people around him with variations of “I told you so!”

    Then the movie is about Blue, living a peaceful life as friendly raptor somewhere in the woods. Every once in a while she leaves her home to visit the small town nearby, where citizens have accepted her as some kind of mascot. (They still have a healthy amount of respect for that dangerous predator, but know that if they don’t do anything that make her feel threatened, she won’t attack.)

    One day a bunch of not-so-nice dinosaurs shows up in the small town and Blue has to return to a life of violence predatory, to protect the innocent. *cue RAMBO & JURASSIC PARK themes mash-up*

  13. “I definitely gotta rank this as the stupidest of the JURASSIC PARK series …”

    Even stupider than “Alan!”

    Oof!

  14. I’m with Mr. S on this one. JURASSIC WORLD joins SKYFALL in the ranks of series installments so toxic they salted the earth so that nothing may grow there again until the entire site is nuked from orbit. Trevorrow’s toothless storytelling and self-flagellating nostalgia are bad enough, but perhaps they could be counterbalanced by a smart filmmaker with a good eye for set-pieces, but then there’s the “characters” Trevorrow left that poor bastard with. I’m not going anywhere near this franchise as long as John Spartan For Hilarious Outdated Sexism and Clueless Feminist From A Hustler Comic are still in it. With their gormless banter and forced chemistry based entirely on sexual harassment, they’re like Nick and Nora Charles for incels. No more money for this creative team until they sit in a corner and think about what they’ve done.

  15. Jurassic World 1: Jurasic Park 4 was so bad that I didn’t have much of a desire to see the sequel. Like Majestyk says, the characters sucked, and it made me think that Pratt can’t do much outside of loveable goofball.

    But there were moments where that film was stupid good, by which I mean so stupid that I kind of enjoyed it. High on that list would be Blue. Having a semi-domesticated raptor is the kind of idea a four year old might come up with while playing with his action figures. I’m glad to see that the latest doubles down on this sort of idiocy.

  16. I don’t know why I give Jurassic World 1 such a pass, because it is God awful stupid as well. But I enjoyed it a lot, and at least it was a teensy bit original and seemed to have a touch of a mean spirit that scary movies need.

    This new one is so bad and such a rip-off of The Lost World, in particular, that it made me angry. It is so lazy. Although I have to admit, if someone put a gun to my head and made me pitch a new Jurassic movie, I would no way be able to come up with a single idea.

    I do think the director has a good action movie in him, though. There are a lot of great action scenes in this, especially the very first one.

    Also, I read an interview with the director and I guess the sad Brontosaurus who gets smoked and left behind on the dock is supposed to be the same dinosaur from the first Jurassic Park that they see (the very first dinosaur).

  17. of course it was because never mind the gymnastics necesssary for that to be plausible, let’s just throw some imagery that people have a connection with against the wall with minimal explanation or effort to earn the emotional payoff because that’s all this movie was. They did the exact thing with the clone payoff. Btw I’m surprised nobody is ragging on the cgi. Imo it was even worse and more fake than JURASSIC WORLD. It’s clearly blue screened and there’s very little of the Spielberg tricks like the paw imprint, the water quaking, etc that made the first one feel more lived in and grounded in a reality.

    God, I hated this movie. I think all the JW haters will either hate this more (I thought JW was ok) or they’ll love this like how people love TROLL 2.

    I also beg to differ on the great action set pieces remarks. I think when people see this again on a smaller screen they’ll realize all the issues with most of those scenes.

  18. The thing about JURASSIC WORLD PT 1 is that it’s not actually a Jurassic Park movie, it’s a PG-13 Paul Verhoeven movie. There are tons of pieces of evidence for this in the film, but probably my favorite example is this scene.

    Vincent D’Onofrio struts into the control room to pitch an idea to the guy who owns the theme park. Vince is clearly very proud of his idea (he says it could have won the war in Iraq earlier!). He wants to let a bunch of raptors loose on an island with 20,000 people so they can find this iRex or whatever. Boss man rejects the idea at first, but is then convinced to give it some thought. He says something like, “I will look over your proposal in order to determine if it is consistent with the company’s ethical standards.” He’s got to find out if letting a pack of 8 foot tall murdering lizards run around the island is consistent with his firm’s –“progressive”, it goes without saying– values. As he says this the male comic relief guy sarcastically frowns and nods in the background.

    The movie has tons of shit like this, either tech VC assholes or defense department style psychos neither of whom have any idea what they’re doing screwing things up every step of the way and generally talking like lunatics. In this movie failure is not because life found a way to stymie otherwise competent human planning. It’s because the people are completely irresponsible thoughtless maniacs.

  19. This movie was utter shit. Utter shit. Rarely do I have nothing constructive to say about a film, but here we are…

    I guess I liked the bit where the paleo-veterinarian explains that Blue’s blood is worthless for extraction because she filled the Dino up with T-Rex blood.

    This should have been so much more fun. Uhh… the final monologue was good, too?

  20. Even dumber than the brain dead and awful JURASSIC PARK IV: JURASSIC WORLD which is saying something. I like the ‘idea’ of a Haunted House/RESIDENT EVIL* movie with dinosaurs though, it’s like a cheap DTV sequel idea that somehow made it into an actual multi-million dollar theatrical release with a huge summer release. Also a velociraptor gets a few badass action beats so that’s kinda funny… There’s a cool and sad shot of Isla Nublar going down like Skull Island in SON OF KONG…

    Other than that: abstain

    Alt-opinion: my youngest nephew loved it and cried at the end when *SPOILER* Blue left. Blue might be the action hero we need after all.

    *Gamers call that DINO-CRISIS btw

  21. After binge-watching both series this summer, I’m going to admit the unthinkable – the Jaws Series is totally better than the Jurassic Park series.

    1) JP1 is great but c’mon, Jaws 1 is a Top 10 all-timer, it’s no contest.
    2) Jaws 2 may not be a classic, but it’s full of iconic images and beats and has a knockout Roy Scheider performance. Any of the JPs would be lucky to be this good.
    3) JP3 and JW aren’t “bad” I guess, just boring and aggressively mediocre. The Lost World and Fallen Kingdom both made me physically angry, whereas the only Jaws I didn’t like was 3, which was still a blast to watch on 3D Blu Ray.
    4) The much maligned Jaws: The Revenge has better character development, acting, and more heart than either Jurassic World movie. It also has a better score and it’s like 45 minutes shorter.

    Anyways, Fallen Kingdom isn’t as mean-spirited or shapeless as Lost World, but it’s just as rote and uninvolving, with the added detriment of also being obvious and predictable since it’s also a soft reboot (of a sequel nobody liked!) It’s cynical 2018 filmmaking via committee, with another sequel-baiting ending and special care to hit all those demographics they missed last time while not actually giving anyone a character to play. There’s no joy, wonder, thrills, humor – it’s a movie made to be half-watched out of the corner of your eye while you play on your phone or surf the web. I can’t believe how far this series has fallen.

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