Finally getting around to watching LORDS OF DOGTOWN was a good enough reason to do this series. I remember at the time it got a pretty tepid reception. People were still high on Stacy Peralta’s documentary about the same subject, DOGTOWN AND Z-BOYS (2001), and didn’t need to see it re-enacted. I get it – when I saw the trailer for Benny Safdie’s THE SMASHING MACHINE I couldn’t understand the point of (from the looks of it) just trying to re-enact footage from the documentary by John Hyams. Why not use the power of cinema to create a perspective of these events that does not already exist on film?
But that’s the thing, that’s what director Catherine Hardwicke and screenwriter Peralta do here with the story of Peralta’s circa 1975 Santa Monica surfer buddies becoming an early influential skateboard team and changing the world. The story centers around cheerful Stacy (John Robinson, ELEPHANT), angry Jay Adams (Emile Hirsch, THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS), incredibly talented Tony Alva (Victor Rasuk, RAISING VICTOR VARGAS), and their rich kid friend Sid (Michael Angarano, BABY HUEY’S GREAT EASTER ADVENTURE), who can’t skate as well because of inner ear issues, but he’s still their homie. (read the rest of this shit…)
Ryuhei Kitamura is an interesting director. He started in Japan with the attention-grabbing yakuzas vs. zombies movie VERSUS (2000). That one was kinda cool but I straight up loved his fourth movie, the samurai manga adaptation AZUMI (2003), and by 2004 he was doing that crazy GODZILLA: FINAL WARS. If nothing else, he’s a hero for doing the one thing everyone wanted to do but nobody knew they could do: assassinate Roland Emmerich’s version of Godzilla. I think we all remember where we were when we first heard the news. Ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘im.
That unprecedented act of heroism made Kitamura so huge and important to cinema that in 2008 Hollywood chose him for the crucial job of directing Bradley Cooper’s first serious leading role. He agreed to do it only under the condition that it could take place at midnight on a meat train. (read the rest of this shit…)
THIS IS A FREE RANGE SPOILER REVIEW. THE SPOILERS ARE NOT KEPT IN CAGES. THEY JUST RUN ALL OVER THE PLACE, INCLUDING THE FIRST COUPLE SENTENCES. SEE THE MOVIE FIRST.
ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD is an odd and beautiful movie from… Quentin Tarantino. It’s undeniably one that only he could or would make – it’s even in his now-trademark ‘wish-fulfilling rewrite of a historical atrocity’ mode – but it’s different. It’s not as mean and angry as the last three, or as carefully plotted as any of them. It’s sort of a hang out movie, a day-in-the-life of two friends, and a gentle tale of surviving a mid-life crisis, wrapped in a love letter to Los Angeles of the late ’60s, and to the then-fading leading men of the ’50s, with a chaser of gruesome violence. The fun kind, though. The cathartic kind.
Throughout his career, Tarantino has shown his affinity for cool shit like spaghetti westerns, blaxploitation movies, kung fu and crime novels. Here’s where he says “Fuck it, I also like old cowboy shows and procedurals and stuff.” When the guy who makes film exhibition and criticism a major element of his WWII epic does one that’s actually about the Hollywood film industry, obviously he’s gonna go buck wild. The amount of detail he puts into the fictional career of TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio, two episodes of The New Lassie) – to the point of needing a narrator to talk us through each entry from his Rome period – reaches the level of sci-fi world building. And of course Tarantino, being Tarantino, gives us a soundtrack that drips the sixties without one whiff of Creedence, Dylan, the Doors or Hendrix. Admittedly “Mrs. Robinson” is in there somewhere, but he leans more Deep Purple, Vanilla Fudge and Paul Revere & the Raiders. One of the few I knew was the Neil Diamond song. (read the rest of this shit…)
These days it’s pretty common for people to say that SPEED RACER is an overlooked gem – or even a masterpiece – that was misunderstood at the time. So give credit to your old Uncle Vern for praising it from day 1. I didn’t misunderstand that shit! I understood the hell out of it. I am a real good understander in my opinion. Not to brag.
But this is the second time I’ve watched it and actually I liked it alot more this time. I didn’t have as many reservations about the aggressively shiny and video gamey pixelscapes it takes place in. It’s still not my favorite look, but my brain has adjusted. I don’t know, maybe the rainbow colored kaleidoscope spinning around the studio logos at the beginning hypnotizes you when you see it on Blu-Ray. It starts to look amazing.
What really impressed me is the next level filmatism within that artifical world. The camera (or “camera”) soars through, over and around these space age racers as they zoom, drift, bounce and fly through loopty-loops, giant pinball machines and monster-faced ice caves, and despite all the speed and freneticism I think this mayhem is really easy to follow. (Judging from my original review maybe the smaller screen helps.) Characters’ heads constantly float away, wiping into the next scene, a more evolved version of Ang Lee’s best moves in HULK and, now that I think about it, one of a long list of ways that this movie must’ve influenced the shit out of SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. There are fight scenes, Speed and Racer X vs. practicioners of nonjitsu, and you get a glimpse of the MATRIX era Wachowskis. Then it bounces into a more candy colored, silly-anime type of style with abstract backgrounds and even more exaggerated physics. (read the rest of this shit…)
SAVAGES is the new crime film from Oliver Stone, about two young idealistic pot entrepreneurs taking on a ruthless Mexican cartel (which is one of the most common types of cartels). The tale is narrated to us by O (GREEN LANTERN’s girlfriend Blake Lively) who is the shared lover of botany genius/philanthropist Ben (Aaron KICKASS Johnson) and Iraq vet/muscle-of-the-operation Chon (Taylor JOHN CARTER Kitsch). The two grew up together as surf bums in Laguna Beach and then one day decided to bring home marijuana seeds from Afghanistan and create a new strain. And the shit blew up like Apple. (read the rest of this shit…)
If the old Speed Racer cartoon had a baby with a Hot Wheels commercial in the back of a candy store and fed it magic mushrooms every day for breakfast, then when it turned 18 that baby would legally become this movie. What I mean is it’s clearly the product of its upbringing: silly cartoon plot, Skittles color palette, cartoon physics, monkey wearing clothes, etc. But it wants to become a man, so it rebels. It confuses little kids and their parents with a complex non-linear structure intercutting a present day race with backstory and a flashback race and overlapping past and present races within one shot. And instead of trying to stop some evil plot to destroy the world like you’re supposed to do in this type of movie, SPEED RACER helps an investigative body stop a corrupt corporation from manipulating the stock market by fixing races. (It does not mention the tax disputes from PHANTOM MENACE.)
The result is a movie that people want to beat up. The Wachowski Brothers until now have only directed 4 movies, 3 of them THE MATRIX and the other one just to prove to the studio they could direct THE MATRIX, so this is almost like their sophomore slump. It’s an absurdly ridiculous and/or ridiculously absurd, kind of alienating and weird Wachowski version of a kiddie movie that already seems destined to lose the studio a ton of money and either force the Wachowskis to try something smaller or safer or to go away and not direct for ten years. Also I kind of liked it. (read the rest of this shit…)
Somehow this week I ended up seeing two independent movies starring Kieran Culkin as a troubled rebel kid in a private school uniform. That’s just the way life is sometimes, I guess.
You know my theory about Culkins. They squirt ’em out on a conveyor belt somewhere and sell ’em cheap to filmatists. I’m not sure they even have separate identities, they probaly just call them “Rory” when they’re young and “Kieran” when they’re a teen and “Macaulay” when they quit acting and start going to clubs. If you buy the media hype about them being actual kids, then Kieran must be the most successful of the group because he’s doing legitmate acting roles and he must be 16 or so. (read the rest of this shit…)
WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM
if that's your thing:
1. Patreon
Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines
(you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)
I also have an Amazon UK one:
(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)
4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products
(I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)
5. Spread the word
Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.
THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
* * * *
Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
CJ Holden on The Ugly Stepsister: “It’s interesting that the DTV sequels of the animated Disney CINDERELLA also paint one of her stepsisters as more sympathetic.…” Jun 18, 22:32
VERN on Cop Out: “It’s always funny when these old reviews are preoccupied with some entertainment news/online drama I have almost no memory of…” Jun 18, 14:45
burningambulance on The Last Showgirl: “>> here’s this lady we remember being a punchline and a tabloid target, the swimsuit lady from Baywatch in her…” Jun 18, 13:01
Jerome on Cop Out: “This is one of your best Vern. A real all-timer. Great comments too (and not just coz it’s the only…” Jun 18, 11:50
VERN on Hatchet II: “Good point Jerome, I guess my above comment “I hope eventually a situation comes up where a movie more people…” Jun 18, 08:43
JesseSP on Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning: “I think my issue with the movie is best summed up in that flat moment leading to the opening credits.…” Jun 18, 05:26
Toxic on Ballerina (2025): “Not sure about the rest, but my best guess is that the Cult member who goes after Eve is a…” Jun 18, 02:58
jim on Howl’s Moving Castle: “Spot on across the board. You were absolutely right then and now. Great review, Vern.” Jun 17, 23:35
Jerome on Hatchet II: “Adam Green’s gotta be, like, ‘Fuck Art the Clown’, tho, right? And I saw Hatchet II in the theater too.…” Jun 17, 22:09
Stu on Ballerina (2025): “I loved it too, and was relieved it was good after the rumoured revisions. Favourite gags were the bit with…” Jun 17, 16:20
Toxic on Vern Throws A Kick At JCVD!!: “Not sure it’s available anywhere but in France, but KUNG FU ZOHRA by JCVD’s director Mabrouk El Mechri is… interesting.…” Jun 17, 14:47
CJ Holden on The Last Showgirl: “I mean, it is a high profile gig and appers to be of higher quality than a SCARY MOVIE sequel,…” Jun 17, 11:49
Toxic on The Last Showgirl: “@CJ, from the trailer, that NAKED GUN movie does seem surprisingly promising (I mean, if you are into THE NAKED…” Jun 17, 10:56
Charles on The Last Showgirl: “I liked this one as well. There is some shared DNA with BOOGIE NIGHTS. In terms of the ending and…” Jun 17, 09:24
CJ Holden on The Last Showgirl: “It’s interesting that Bautista, the wrestler who took acting lessons to prepare for his Marvel role, because he really wanted…” Jun 17, 07:49
June 3, 2005
But that’s the thing, that’s what director Catherine Hardwicke and screenwriter Peralta do here with the story of Peralta’s circa 1975 Santa Monica surfer buddies becoming an early influential skateboard team and changing the world. The story centers around cheerful Stacy (John Robinson, ELEPHANT), angry Jay Adams (Emile Hirsch, THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS), incredibly talented Tony Alva (Victor Rasuk, RAISING VICTOR VARGAS), and their rich kid friend Sid (Michael Angarano, BABY HUEY’S GREAT EASTER ADVENTURE), who can’t skate as well because of inner ear issues, but he’s still their homie. (read the rest of this shit…)
Ryuhei Kitamura is an interesting director. He started in Japan with the attention-grabbing yakuzas vs. zombies movie VERSUS (2000). That one was kinda cool but I straight up loved his fourth movie, the samurai manga adaptation 
ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD is an odd and beautiful movie from… Quentin Tarantino. It’s undeniably one that only he could or would make – it’s even in his now-trademark ‘wish-fulfilling rewrite of a historical atrocity’ mode – but it’s different. It’s not as mean and angry as the last three, or as carefully plotted as any of them. It’s sort of a hang out movie, a day-in-the-life of two friends, and a gentle tale of surviving a mid-life crisis, wrapped in a love letter to Los Angeles of the late ’60s, and to the then-fading leading men of the ’50s, with a chaser of gruesome violence. The fun kind, though. The cathartic kind.
If the old Speed Racer cartoon had a baby with a Hot Wheels commercial in the back of a candy store and fed it magic mushrooms every day for breakfast, then when it turned 18 that baby would legally become this movie. What I mean is it’s clearly the product of its upbringing: silly cartoon plot, Skittles color palette, cartoon physics, monkey wearing clothes, etc. But it wants to become a man, so it rebels. It confuses little kids and their parents with a complex non-linear structure intercutting a present day race with backstory and a flashback race and overlapping past and present races within one shot. And instead of trying to stop some evil plot to destroy the world like you’re supposed to do in this type of movie, SPEED RACER helps an investigative body stop a corrupt corporation from manipulating the stock market by fixing races. (It does not mention the tax disputes from PHANTOM MENACE.)
Somehow this week I ended up seeing two independent movies starring Kieran Culkin as a troubled rebel kid in a private school uniform. That’s just the way life is sometimes, I guess.
