"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

The 40 Year-Old Virgin (20th anniversary revisit)

August 19, 2005

I completely forgot that I reviewed THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN when it came out in 2005, but there it is. It’s not the kind of movie I normally review, but I thought it would be important to include in this series as the most influential comedy of the summer and as the opposite of WEDDING CRASHERS. That one was about smarmy well-paid pickup artists really falling in love while trying to just get laid via deception, this is about an awkward dork who works as a stocker at an electronics chain store and doesn’t own a car who has spent his life deliberately not trying to get down women’s pants, and the lie to the woman he’s falling for is just not telling her that he’s okay with not having sex yet because he’s scared he’ll do a bad job.

SUMMER 2005Steve Carell (last seen in BEWITCHED) plays Andy, friendly but socially awkward action figure collector whose life changes after his co-workers David (Paul Rudd, HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS), Jay (Romany Malco, URBAN MENACE, TICKER) and Cal (Seth Rogen, DONNIE DARKO) very reluctantly decide to invite him to fill a vacancy in their after-hours poker game in the store. He does such a bad job of joining in their locker room talk that they figure out he’s a virgin and make it their quest in life to help him change that. “From now on your dick is my dick. I’m getting you some pussy,” vows Jay. (read the rest of this shit…)

September 4th, 2025 | 13 Comments »

Red Eye (20th anniversary revisit)

August 19, 2005

RED EYE is a simple thing: a tight and well-made PG-13 thriller, nothing deep, but entertaining to just about anybody. And it happens to be the only movie like that directed by the late great Wes Craven, and he made it post-SCREAM trilogy using all those chops gained from shooting Woodsboro scrapes and chases. But it’s really in more of a suspense vein than a horror one, and it starts out feeling like a DIE HARD type movie, with quick shots depicting some so-far indecipherable sinister plot (the stealing of a wallet, the preparation and delivery of a mysterious crate), and establishing a set of characters in the bustle of the airport while a bunch of flights are delayed.

SUMMER 2005Lisa (Rachel McAdams, also the primary victim in WEDDING CRASHERS) was in Dallas for her grandma’s funeral, she’s headed home for Miami and already receiving calls from work. But she’s a self-declared “people pleaser, 24-7” so she doesn’t mind helping flustered hotel employee Cynthia (newcomer Jayma Mays, later in the SMURFS and PAUL BLART franchises) placate irate regulars the Taylors (Robert Pine and Teresa Press-Marx). (read the rest of this shit…)

September 3rd, 2025 | 13 Comments »

Supercross

August 17, 2005

I have honestly been curious about SUPERCROSS, a.k.a. SUPERCROSS: THE MOVIE, for twenty years now. My curiosity has been satiated. I am now SUPERCROSS: THE VIEWER.

SUMMER 2005I think I saw a trailer or two for it but I’m sure most people never heard it of it. I’d bet it was heavily advertised on relevant sports broadcasts and not as much for the rest of us. I noticed on the credits that it was a production of “Clear Channel Entertainment Motor Sports,” which I guess is part of the same Clear Channel then infamous for monopolizing the radio market. Most of us learned about them after September 11th when they released a list of songs for their stations not to play (including anything by Rage Against the Machine). I guess radio ads must not have been enough, because it only made $3.3 million toward its $30 million budget. (read the rest of this shit…)

September 2nd, 2025 | 4 Comments »

The Skeleton Key

August 12, 2005

Even though there were only a handful of horror movies that came out in the summer of 2005 I did not bother to see THE SKELETON KEY. And I believe it was a conscious choice. I tended to dislike Kate Hudson in movies and I think I snobbishly assumed her participation meant it was some phony mainstream horror movie for the normies or whatever. Also I think I still (correctly) distrusted screenwriter Ehren Kruger because of SCREAM 3. Being surprised to like THE RING didn’t fully change my opinion of him.

SUMMER 2005Hudson (between Garry Marshall’s RAISING HELEN and the Russo Brothers’ YOU, ME AND DUPREE) plays Caroline Ellis, who quits her job at a New Orleans nursing home, disappointed with how dehumanizing it is, and takes a private hospice gig looking after a stroke victim in a plantation house in Terrebonne Parish. Friendly lawyer Luke (Peter Sarsgaard, K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER) convinces fussy Violet Devereaux (Gena Rowlands following THE NOTEBOOK) to hire her to look after her husband Ben (John Hurt not long after HELLBOY), who is bedridden, doesn’t talk and seems terrified all the time. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 29th, 2025 | 15 Comments »

Eenie Meanie

EENIE MEANIE is a crime movie that went straight to Hulu last week. It stars Samara Weaving (MONSTER TRUCKS, THE BABYSITTER, READY OR NOT, AZRAEL) and I like that lady so I watched it.

Weaving plays Edith Meaney. The title is a cute nickname a bad person gave her – she prefers Edie. Orphaned by her dad (Steve Zahn, WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES) going to prison, she somehow fell into being a teenage getaway driver for grown up criminals. Many years later she’s away from that world, going to school – even got a job at a bank! – until, you know, an inciting incident.

It’s triggered by her bank being robbed, but it really has nothing to do with that. She ends up in the hospital, where a blood test finds that she’s pregnant. Against her better judgment she decides to go find the father, her ex-boyfriend John (Karl Glusman, THE NEON DEMON, THE BIKERIDERS), and let him know. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 27th, 2025 | 10 Comments »

Four Brothers (20 years later revisit)

August 12, 2005

I reviewed John Singleton’s FOUR BROTHERS twenty years ago and hopefully I’ll have a few new things to say about it, but the sad truth is my verdict has not changed. This is a movie that starts off with a real good hook and then doesn’t do enough with it. It’s thoroughly okay.

SUMMER 2005The screenplay is by David Elliot (THE WATCHER) & Paul Lovett, the team who later did G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, and the hook is that an old lady named Evelyn Mercer (Fionnula Flanagan, THE EWOK ADVENTURE) is in a convenience store in Highland Park, Michigan when it gets robbed, and ends up shot to death. It turns out she was a beloved member of the community who helped hundreds of troubled kids find foster homes. But there were four kids so bad nobody would take them, and she adopted them herself. So her funeral brings all four brothers back home, they get to talking, and decide to go find out who did this.  (read the rest of this shit…)

August 26th, 2025 | 18 Comments »

Highest 2 Lowest

I’ve been watching Spike Lee movies since I was a teenager in the late ’80s. Okay, I still haven’t seen SHE HATE ME, but otherwise I see all of them, and any new one is obviously gonna be an event for me. They’re pretty infrequent these days, though – it’s been five years since his last movie (DA 5 BLOODS), seven since his last theatrical release (BLACKKKLANSMAN). So I’m thankful that even though it was made for Apple TV+ the new one is playing at my favorite theater, SIFF Downtown, f/k/a Cinerama.

HIGHEST 2 LOWEST is, yes, a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s HIGH AND LOW (1963), itself based on the Ed McBain 87th Precinct Mystery King’s Ransom (1959). So that means it tells the story of an executive dealing with a kidnapping/ransom situation while also trying to take over control of his company. Instead of the shoe industry this time it’s the music industry, and instead of the guy who runs the factories he’s a Grammy winning, cover of Rolling Stone, “best ear in the business” producer/label owner/icon. Denzel Washington (RICOCHET) plays David King, founder of Stackin’ Hits Records, obviously. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 25th, 2025 | 4 Comments »

Nobody 2

I think NOBODY (2021) is a minor action classic of the 2020s, and honestly kind of a miracle in how well it accomplished its task of turning the most unlikely actor – Bob Odenkirk, “Concert Nerd,” WAYNE’S WORLD 2 – into a credible action star. It’s a good enough story and gimmick that he might’ve gotten away with okay action scenes, but he trained like a motherfucker to do actual great ones. The only former SNL writer or DR. DOLITTLE 2 voice actor to do so to date. There’s nothing quite like it.

NOBODY 2 is merely a fun sequel to that. But that’s okay.

It’s notable as the Hollywood debut of one of my favorite working directors, Timo THE NIGHT COMES FOR US Tjahjanto, and though it’s a for-hire work that can’t compete with the impact of his bloody Indonesian epics, it shows his sensibilities for hectic combat and imaginative gore fused with a genuine care for his characters. Crafted to zip by in 89 minutes means it lacks his usual scope, and there’s also none of his John Woo-esque melodrama. In fact it leans even a little more comedy than the first NOBODY, and maybe that tonal difference is why none of the action scenes thrilled me as much as the bus scene in the first one. But they’re good scenes, and grounded in simple story and character ideas that really work for me. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 20th, 2025 | 16 Comments »

Stealth / The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

July 29, 2005

I reviewed STEALTH when it came out and, though I was alone on this, I really enjoyed it. I didn’t believe I was entirely receiving it in the spirit intended, but maybe it sorta knows what it’s doing? Doesn’t matter – death of the author. These days director Rob Cohen is disdained for allegations of sexual assault, but back then it was just for the quality of his movies. Since I only knew about the movie part I was okay with him, ‘cause I always liked DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS started a run of increasingly stupid movies that I got a kick out of (after this there was THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, ALEX CROSS, THE BOY NEXT DOOR and ).SUMMER 2005

I was pretty excited to return to it, expecting my original verdict to hold true, but I hyped myself up too much. This time it had a few laughs but the aerial spectacle (involving lots of animation and green screen cockpit acting that might’ve been a little ahead of its time) gets pretty repetitive. I did like that Cohen has virtual shots going through the circuitry of the jet, repeating his trademark move from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 19th, 2025 | 22 Comments »

Freaky Tales

I don’t know much about Oakland, but FREAKY TALES seems designed to be the Oakland-est movie of all time. So Oakland that Too $hort is the narrator and one of the producers and has a cameo as a cop and is a character in the movie played by rapper Demario “Symba” Driver. Also they have a cool retro synth type score but they got Raphael Saadiq to do it.

It’s presented as an anthology film, but it’s the type where each of the stories intersects a little bit and ultimately becomes one story in the last chapter – actually not that far off from the structure of WEAPONS, which I watched the day after I watched this. What it made me keep thinking of though is the made-for-cable movie COSMIC SLOP, even though this is pretty different and definitely way better. I guess just because it’s weird stories hosted by a music icon and named after one of his works.

Although there’s a sci-fi element in a stylishly fake looking “cosmic green stuff” that pops up occasionally (Short Dog figures it “was just one of those freaky things that made the Bay Area so damn fresh” at the time) I think it comes closest to being a crime movie. There’s a hitman, a corrupt cop, and everything revolves around a botched robbery of Golden State Warriors point guard Sleepy Floyd (Jay Ellis, TOP GUN: MAVERICK). I of course enjoy that type of story, but the standout chapters for me are the two about circa ’87 Bay Area music scenes, following some punk rockers and then a female rap duo, each group having a fateful incident after leaving the same showing of THE LOST BOYS. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 13th, 2025 | 12 Comments »

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