"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (2025) is not a great remake, but it’s a fun one, a solid one, mostly because it’s a playful one. The first couple scenes seem like a pretty straight forward update of the 1984 original – there are some funny additions, but it’s young Billy Chapman (Logan Sawyer, “Kid #1,” FOLLOWING YONDER STAR) visiting his grandpa (Darren Felbel, ALWAYS AND FOREVER CHRISTMAS, OUR CHRISTMAS LOVE SONG) and getting freaked out by an outburst about Santa punishing the naughty, then witnessing the murder of his parents by a man in a Santa costume. So I figured it was gonna mostly follow the original, but that’s not the case at all. Writer/director Mike P. Nelson (WRONG TURN [2021], Angry Orchard and the Jason Un1v3rse present SWEET REVENGE) understands that not much is sacred about SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. You mostly just gotta have a Killer Santa. So Nelson plays around with our assumptions of what’s going on, and takes us for a fun ride.

First, a time jump to adult Billy (Rohan Campbell, a.k.a. Corey Cunningham from HALLOWEEN ENDS!) in a hotel having a bad time. You know, it’s that type of time jump where you start the movie with the traumatic past event and then you cut to the present with the person waking up from a nightmare. It tells us the first part was exactly what really happened but also the dream he just had, and even though we have had dreams before and know for sure that’s not how they work we still accept it because movies are magic and besides, it’s Christmas. Have a heart. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 17th, 2025 | 9 Comments »

Fuck My Son!

FUCK MY SON! is a movie that, for the foreseeable future, you’re only gonna see if it comes to your town as part of a road show. Writer/director Todd Rohal (THE GUATEMALAN HANDSHAKE, THE CATECHISM CATACLYSM) is traveling around with a 35mm print that hit Seattle last weekend and has many more stops lined up.

Rohal says he plans to do that for at least a year, and that he’ll never license it to streaming, though eventually it will come to physical media. But it’s the kind of thing that if you’re gonna have a great time it’s probly gonna be in a midnight movie (for me 8pm) type scenario laughing, cringing and groaning together with other area weirdos. Did I mention it’s called FUCK MY SON!?

It’s based on a comic book by Johnny Ryan (Looney Tunes Cartoons, Who Raped My Horse?), and this screening started with a puppet show based on another Ryan comic, followed by a discussion between Ryan and fellow alternative comix legend Peter Bagge. The former was grossed out by the fake poop left on the ground by the puppeteers and made Rohal clean it up. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 10th, 2025 | 33 Comments »

The Catechism Cataclysm

THE CATECHISM CATACLYSM (2011) is weirdly-titled Todd Rohal comedy #2, and truly the only thing I knew about it was that the OCN partner label Factory 25 gave it a special edition blu-ray a few years ago and some people seemed to think it was some type of cult classic. I feel pretty ignorant now because it turns out it’s a Seattle production and I even know a couple people in the credits. I had no idea.

I also didn’t know that it’s a two-hander with two actors I like who I’ve never seen in lead roles like this before. Steve Little, who I know as Kenny Powers’ sycophantic sidekick Stevie Janowski on Eastbound & Down, plays a very similar character here, except that he has somehow become a priest. Father Billy causes concern with the elders when they overhear him telling a long story to his Bible study group and admitting it’s not biblical, not allegorical, just some crazy shit he read on the internet. “It was more of a joke story,” he explains when asked how it pertains to their discussion of Deuteronomy. He’s also into heavy metal, calls everybody “dude,” and doesn’t know how to modulate in front of people who expect him to behave like a grown adult and/or clergyman. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 9th, 2025 | 3 Comments »

The Guatemalan Handshake

Recently I got invited to see this new movie called FUCK MY SON!. It’s a disgusting x-rated comedy based on a Johnny Ryan comic, meant as a theatrical experience, they’re road-showing a 35mm print around and it was in Seattle on Friday and Saturday. Beforehand I looked at writer/director Todd Rohal’s filmography and noticed two titles I’d been vaguely aware of for many years. I really had no idea what they were about, just that somebody some time told me they were good. I decided to watch those and review them before the new one, so today we’ll be discussing Rohal’s 2006 debut THE GUATEMALAN HANDSHAKE. It’s the very definition of a “not for everyone” movie, though in an entirely different way than FUCK MY SON!. But I liked it, so I’ll tell you about it in case you’re not everyone.

There is a Guatemalan character in the movie, but I couldn’t tell you what the title means. Other aspects I could describe but not explain. It’s a very odd, absurd but dry comedy (arguably dramedy?) about a group of interconnected characters going on with life after the simultaneous disappearances of a guy named Donald (Will Oldham, WENDY AND LUCY, JACKASS 3D, THE BIKERIDERS), his dad’s goofy electric car, and an old lady’s dog. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 8th, 2025 | 3 Comments »

Christmas Eve in Miller’s Point

CHRISTMAS EVE IN MILLER’S POINT is a movie that I heard about last Christmas but it wasn’t on video yet. Some people were really flipping for it and that’s really all I knew about it, so I checked it out when I saw it was on blu-ray this week.

I think what they were responding to is that it’s very old school in many ways: beautiful cinematography, big ensemble cast of mostly unfamiliar faces who seem very natural, an emphasis on characters and moments over any sort of plot, a shockingly low amount of conflict. It’s about a huge family get-together and involves multiple age groups but the movie it most reminds me of is AMERICAN GRAFFITI. Probly not coincidentally the cast features a couple children of George Lucas’s friends (Francesca Scorsese and Sawyer Spielberg).

Of course, that led to a horrifying realization that AMERICAN GRAFFITI was set 11 years before the time of its release, while this is set sometime in the aughts, so it’s more like 20 years ago, but doesn’t seem like it. The biggest differences are flip phones and one family still has a station wagon with faux-wood paneling. It kinda feels timeless though because the music is much older and the fashions aren’t very aggressive. It could almost be five years ago, or thirty, or forty. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 4th, 2025 | 6 Comments »

Good Boy

GOOD BOY is a 2025 indie horror movie with a high-difficulty gimmick: the main character is a dog. Played by a dog. I’ve heard it said that it’s in the point-of-view of the dog, but that’s not the case literally (because the camera is usually on the dog’s face) or narratively (because I’ll be damned if I knew what the dog’s thoughts were on all this). But as human events play out nearby the camera is always paying more attention to this dog named Indy (played by director Ben Leonberg’s dog Indy), and that does feel fresh.

It really seems like Leonberg and co-writer Alex Cannon built the story around what they could get Indy to do, so in that sense it’s a star vehicle just like they used to make for martial artists. Of course, they filmed the dog for three years trying to get his performance right. Most kickboxing champions didn’t have that luxury. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 2nd, 2025 | 12 Comments »

Bacurau

BACURAU is a weird 2019 Brazilian film that I know my friend Charles recommended to me years ago. Udo Kier is in it, and his death reminded me to finally get around to seeing it. Only the next day did I realize that Kleber Mendonça Filho, who wrote and directed it with Juliano Dornelles, finally has a followup and it’s THE SECRET AGENT, which just came out and has been getting great reviews. So there’s another title added to my list to hopefully not take as long to get around to.

The title BACURAU refers to the setting, a fictional settlement in western Pernambuco. It’s “a few years from now” and things are pretty surreal. Protagonist Teresa (Bárbara Colen) has been away for some years, but she’s coming home for her grandmother’s funeral, riding in a water truck that runs over a bunch of empty coffins dumped on the road by a crash. Feels kinda poetic, but I don’t know what it would mean. Definitely ominous. (read the rest of this shit…)

December 1st, 2025 | 8 Comments »

Deathstalker (2025)

I was a child of the 1980s, but not of HBO or Showtime. That’s probly why I never saw DEATHSTALKER (1983) until last week. Still, I knew the idea of DEATHSTALKER enough to be excited when I read that it was getting a rebootmakemagining from writer/director Steven Kostanski, the Canadian goofball who gave us PSYCHO GOREMAN, FRANKIE FREAKO, the makeup effects for IN A VIOLENT NATURE, and more. My hopes got even higher when I learned that it would star Daniel Bernhardt, one of the great henchmen of the JOHN WICK era but not usually a leading man since his days headlining the BLOODSPORT sequels. He was fun in the ‘90s but now he’s more distinguished, he has a giant sword, and there’s goblins and magic and shit everywhere. Some things do get better.

I asked around, and it does not seem to be a controversial statement that the remake is way better than the original. I kinda enjoyed catching up with that one, it has more flavor than some of the other CONAN cash-ins, and Lana Clarkson is in it pre BARBARIAN QUEEN, but I’ve already pretty much forgotten it. People seem to be fonder of DEATHSTALKER II, which is played for intentional laughs (but also a little chintzier). I’d say Kostanski’s is way better than both, and kind of pitched in the middle of them tonally. It definitely has some great jokes in it but overall seems to be sincere in its goal of having a great time with the swords and the sorcery. It’s a swordablast. (read the rest of this shit…)

November 26th, 2025 | 10 Comments »

Ghost Killer

If you know me you know I love those Baby Assassins, the adorable pair of professional killers from the movies BABY ASSASSINS, BABY ASSASSINS 2 and BABY ASSASSINS 3, as well as the tv series Baby Assassins Everyday, which I’m currently watching now that it’s on Home Box Office Maximum. (You could start there, if you’re curious.) The Babies are two hilarious young Japanese women who have murdered for a living their whole lives but otherwise are total sweethearts who enjoy soups, desserts, friendship, etc. It’s hard to explain, but they’re the best.

So I didn’t need convincing when I heard some film festival hype about GHOST KILLER and I looked it up and saw it was BABY-adjacent. It’s written by BABY writer/director Yugo Sakamoto, and directed by BABY action director Kensuke Sonomura. You may also know him from directing HYDRA and BAD CITY or from choreographing John Woo’s MANHUNT. He’s developed one of the most distinct and consistent action styles of the modern era. You can’t really go wrong with Sonomura, and for better or worse this has more violence than desserts. (read the rest of this shit…)

November 25th, 2025 | 4 Comments »

Sisu: Road to Revenge

SISU: ROAD TO REVENGE came out Friday. It’s a sequel to the 2022 film SISU but they didn’t put a #2 in the title, so some friends of mine saw the trailer and weren’t aware it was a sequel. I think that’s wise marketing – this is an old school standalone approach to a sequel where you wouldn’t even have to know there was another one to understand or appreciate the story. So yes, see this one first if you want to, you have my permission. But if you like either one of them I recommend watching the other.

The appeal of SISU, and now of the SISU movie series, is pretty straightforward. Aatami Korpi (Jorma Tommila, RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE) is a particularly Finnish bad motherfucker, a rugged and scarred ex-commando who looks more like a farmer than an action star. Stubbornness is his super power; he’ll never give up or give in, so he goes to hell and back and then back to hell again and pretty much just gets dunked repeatedly in hell until he’s totally soaked in it but he keeps clawing his way out again and anybody who does anything to him along the way dies horribly at his hands. And one important thing is that he never says a damn word the whole time, because what is there to say other than you chose the wrong Laplander to fuck with? His deeds speak for themselves

The first movie would be a clever and well executed action/revenge movie in any era, but it happened to come out when it was particularly enjoyable to see some fascists get fucked up. It took place at the end of WWII, when a band of fleeing Nazi pillagers tried to steal the gold nuggets Aatami just found, and got elaborately, joyously slaughtered for it. In Chapter 4, “The Legend” we learned the backstory that he was a Finnish commando during the Winter War, when the murder of his family John-Wick-ed him into becoming a mythical “one-man death squad” known for killing over 300 Soviet soldiers. In SISU: ROAD TO REVENGE he will get a surprise opportunity to directly avenge his family while just trying to accomplish one task that he refuses to give up on. (read the rest of this shit…)

November 24th, 2025 | 7 Comments »

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