"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

“unbekümmerter Don’t-give-a-fuck-ness”

Saturday, July 5th, 2014

tn_germanmechanicThere’s a new interview with me up on a websight called Hard Sensations. As far as I know it is not a pornographical type of websight, but it’s hard to know. See, the whole thing is in German, so I don’t know what the fuck I was talking about. Possibly THE LONE RANGER, judging by the pictures. Whatever it was, hopefully it’s nothing I could be blackmailed with by German blackmailers (erpressers).

So let me know what you think CJ and the rest of you learn German and then read it and then let me know what you think. Dank Kumpel.

Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 29 Comments »

Black & Dekker PREDATOR

Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

tn_shaneblackAs I’m sure we all heard, Hollywood Reporter is hollywood reporting that Shane Black (LETHAL WEAPON) is writing a treatment for a “reboot” of PREDATOR, to be scripted by his old partner Fred Dekker (MONSTER SQUAD, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, sorry about ROBOCOP 3) and directed by Black.

Sign me up. Let’s discuss why this is good news. (read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 91 Comments »

Vern Predicts: Jodorowsky Fever

Monday, June 23rd, 2014

vernpredicts150It was 2007. The Year of the Dolphin. The Scouting Centenary. The year of the last Harry Potter book. The year that Anna Nicole Smith and Bam Bam Bigelow passed. The year that DIE HARD turned PG-13. Amidst all that turmoil and unrest I wrote about an Alejandro Jodorowsky DVD box set for the famous The Ain’t It Cool News websight. And in that review I prophesied a day when the then-mostly-forgotten underground filmmaker of the early ’70s would become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon:

“This thing is gonna spread across the globe like airwaves. Rappers will start quoting HOLY MOUNTAIN; on CRIBS they’ll have THE FILMS OF ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY next to their SCARFACE dvd. Bono will buy a thousand copies and pass them out to world leaders, so they can begin their journeys of enlightenment…” etc. I went on for a while.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 18 Comments »

Vern’s Cinefamily Journal

Friday, June 20th, 2014

tn_cinefamilyWell, it happened. Last Saturday, after 15 years of admittedly weird dedication to anonymity, I went and stood unmasked in front of the Cinefamily theater to publicly share my love of the action films of S. Seagal. A couple of you who were there kindly told me not to worry, that I looked exactly like Lee Marvin, but on the internet I saw my looks compared to two different comedians. I won’t say which ones, so go ahead and assume Roddy Piper and Chopper Read. But now there are a couple blurry Loch Ness Monster type photos of me out there, and Griff says I am not buff and I look like his dad. Giving my reputation a hit like that was not what I had planned for my summer vacation.

But I got no regrets and the reason why can be summed up with one frame of film:

(read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog), Seagal | 72 Comments »

The Expendables III Official Trailer I: The Hopening

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

Now’s the part where we get excited despite ourselves.

Notes:

1. the action in this trailer is all shot clearly and steadily. This suggests a higher ACR than the second one and of course the first one, which I was hoping for from director Patrick Hughes (RED HILL). This could still be screwed up by bad editing, but if not it will go a long way toward winning me over more than the other installments.

2. I like that Snipes’s character seems to be just getting out of lock up. Or possibly cryo-freeze.

3. I noticed that one of the credited writers is a woman. Just for those mooks who tried to hype the other two as some sort of chest bumping bros only affair.

Tags:
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 140 Comments »

Seagalogy Goes Hollywood

Friday, June 13th, 2014

tn_seagalpaintedWell everybody, I’m off to the land of dreams and what not. Pretty sure it will be a great time although I will also be terrified, like a sasquatch with a police helicopter spotlight on him. The show is 5 pm Saturday at Cinefamily. Last I heard there were still a few tickets left.

Be sure to introduce yourselves. I’ll have some of my books on sale at the concession stand I believe. I’ll try to sign for anybody that wants it, although there’s not a time set for that on the schedule. We’ll see what happens. The important thing is seeing ON DEADLY GROUND and its three excellent prequels in 35 mm.

So, thanks for the support everybody, I’ll see some of you Saturday and the rest of you during the week when I’ll have lots of new reviews I’ve been working on.

your pal,

Vern

Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 117 Comments »

Internet v. Goyer

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

tn_she-hulkShe-Hulkgate, Day 3. As founder and president of the Motherfuckers Act Like They Forgot About BLADE Society, I feel compelled to weigh in on this mounting controversy.

A few days ago David S. Goyer, writer of the upcoming movie BATMAN V. SUPERMAN AND THE CASE OF THE DAWN OF JUSTICE, was one of several guests on a live panel of the Scriptnotes screenwriting podcast. Alan Kistler, a writer on “Girl Geek Culture” websight The Mary Sue, wrote a post objecting to comments Goyer made about the comic book characters She-Hulk and Martian Manhunter. The complaints were picked up by other websights (I first saw it on Badass Digest), the torches and pitchforks came out on Twitter and in long comment threads, and it snowballed so much it ended up covered by secular news outlets such as The Hollywood Reporter and Slate. The Washington Post actually got Stan Lee to respond. For fuck’s sake, Time Magazine (the web version at least) had a not-joking “The She-Hulk Scandal Explained” item, like they probly had to explain the Clarence Thomas hearings back in the day.

What did Goyer say that was so offensive? That the character was created to be a sex fantasy for male comic book fans.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 141 Comments »

The Mark Chase Dog

Saturday, May 3rd, 2014

I don’t know if I mentioned this or not, but I recently wrote a little crime novel called Niketown. Check it out. In the book, the protagonist, Carter Chase, invents a recipe for hot dog which he names “The Mark Chase Dog” after his missing brother, and the ingredients are described in loving detail.

Well, Michael Taylor of Paducah, KY decided to make himself some Mark Chase Dogs and was kind enough to send me photographic documentation:

markchasedog

Now I feel lazy because I never got around to making Casey Ryback’s salad recipe from UNDER SIEGE 2, even though I put it in Seagalogy. Michael also reports that he once read one of my greatest works, my GARFIELD review, at an open mic night. That warms my heart. Thanks Michael!

Tags: ,
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 13 Comments »

All purpose Star Wars post

Wednesday, April 30th, 2014

tn_maxreboI noticed everybody’s writing about the latest Disney’s Star Wars news on an old post that has about ten billion comments on it and takes six hours to load. We don’t yet have the technology to create a forum, so out of the kindness of my heart I am giving you this fresh new post for any Star Wars related commenting.

I also have an ulterior motive. This is a good place for you to dump all of the bile, negativity and Ewokphobia associated with Star Wars fandom, if need be. I’m going to have a Star Wars related post pretty soon where whining and complaining in the comments are specifically prohibited. We’ll see how that goes I guess.

Anybody remember C3POs it was a cereal they had.

(read the rest of this shit…)

Tags:
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 254 Comments »

trailer for White Tiger starring Matt Mullins, Don “The Dragon” Wilson and Cynthia Rothrock

Tuesday, April 29th, 2014

http://youtu.be/_OuU2oRmh6Y

This looks like it has more potential than I expected, and if not I think we can all at least enjoy the narrator on this trailer. He’s working overtime to explain the plot to us. Although I’ve heard of this for a while it does not seem to be listed on IMDb, and I can’t find any mention of who directed it. I did find an article that notes that Rothrock is playing one of the bad guys.

In unrelated news, my IMDb research did lead me to discover that Wilson is listed as being in an upcoming SCORPION KING (something)quel, also alleged to feature Royce Gracie, Michael Biehn, Lou Ferrigno and Rutger Hauer as “King Zakour.” The director did BLUE CRUSH 2 and was in SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II.

(hat tip to Felix [I am not actually wearing a hat, that is internet slang I believe])

Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog) | 5 Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
  • Hey bud, thanks for reading.

    Don't feel obligated, but here are some

  • WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM

    if that's your thing:

  • 1. Patreon

    Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!

  • 2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody

    click here for my Amazon author page

    (NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)

    EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.

  • 3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines



    (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)

  • I also have an Amazon UK one:

    (I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)

  • 4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products

    (I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)

  • 5. Spread the word

    Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.

    THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN

    * * * *

  • Recent commentary and jibber-jabber

    • Skani on Bring Her Back: “Yup, agreed!” Oct 24, 17:32
    • Inspector Hammer Boudreaux on Other: “In one of those odd coincidences where two movies in the same year have a similar concept, GOOD BOY is…” Oct 24, 10:10
    • Bill Reed on Bring Her Back: “SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS FOR REAL, SPOILERS Agreed with you on the ending, Skani. After all the pre-meditated, manipulative, and horrible…” Oct 24, 06:26
    • Skani on Bring Her Back: “SOME SPOILERS Everything I read told me that this movie was all wrong for me, but I watched it anyway,…” Oct 23, 20:04
    • M. Casey on Jackie Brown: “Yeah, this is a great one, I’ve been meaning to see it again and need to get around to it.…” Oct 23, 19:07
    • Mr. Majestyk on Other: “I thought the face thing was going to be a twist where everybody else has a disgusting monster face, indicating…” Oct 23, 15:40
    • BuzzFeedAldrin on Bring Her Back: “I did enjoy this, though not as much as Talk to the Hand mainly because I don’t enjoy characters in…” Oct 22, 08:40
    • Dreadguacamole on Bring Her Back: “There’s been other horror movies I enjoyed more this year, but put me against the wall and I’d say this…” Oct 22, 06:32
    • Skani on Black Phone 2: “Agreeing with the consensus on this one. I liked it. I though Bichir was the standout. I really like this…” Oct 21, 20:45
    • Ben C. on One Battle After Another: “I wish I was in the “movie of the year” camp on this one – there was a lot about…” Oct 21, 15:05
    • MaggieMayPie on Bring Her Back: “Bill – “What is in the water down under? (Oh, right, it’s spiders.)” startled a literal lol out of me.” Oct 21, 14:51
    • emteem on I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025): “A few random thoughts I had while reading the review of a movie I haven’t seen yet. 1. My wife…” Oct 21, 13:23
    • Bill Reed on Bring Her Back: “For me, this was the most uncomfortable horror movie since HEREDITARY. It’s not as fucked-up as that one, but it…” Oct 21, 12:53
    • Sarah Stegall on High Plains Drifter: “One explanation for the rape scene is that it’s a test of the town. Everyone knows what’s happening, and they…” Oct 21, 10:49
    • CJ Holden on Bring Her Back: “I was not interested in it, indeed for reasons of “So I guess will be about grief and trauma and…” Oct 21, 10:12

  • Recent Commented on Posts

  • Most Comments