Posts Tagged ‘M. Night Shyamalan’

Lady in the Water

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN’S LADY IN THE WATER
a bedtime story by M. Night Shyamalan
directed by M. Night Shyamalan
produced by M. N. Shyamalan
written by M. Night Shyamalan
co-starring M. Night Shyamalan
inspired by the true adventures of M. Night Shyamalan
dedicated to M. Night

The movie I really wanted to watch this week was WASSUP ROCKERS, but for some reason it went straight to the second run theater in Seattle. That theater’s a little out of the way for me and today I just wanted somewhere nearby with some air conditioning, so instead of seeing Larry Clark ogle Hispanic skateboarders from Compton I got to see M. Night Shyamalan ogling Ron Howard’s daughter. I’m not sure which one’s freakier.

The advertisements say that LADY IN THE WATER is “a bedtime story by M. Night Shyamalan” which is a nicer way of saying “he made this shit up as he went along so it doesn’t make any god damn sense and it doesn’t matter because the whole point of it is to put you to sleep.” And now that I think about it there actually was a dude snoring in front of me (no lie) so Shyamalan must know what he’s doing.

I actually think Shyamalan is a real good director, at least when he’s working with Bruce. SIGNS was a little too goofy for me, and I didn’t see that last one (maybe that’s why I still like him). But I like his filmatism – his pacing, his deliberate camera moves, etc. On most of his movies he has this very serious tone and you feel like he’s in total control of what’s on screen, showing you the best angle to watch things from, making the right part of the screen be bright red or whatever, getting good quiet acting performances out of Bruce and that little Haley Joel Osment dude. But those movies were directed by the old “guy who got lucky and got to work with Bruce” Shyamalan, this is the new Shyamalan who thinks he’s a fuckin rock star, makes credit card commercials about his brilliant imagination and casts himself in this movie in a major role as the savior of humanity, wearing a hip shirt. Rock Star Shyamalan doesn’t seem to have the same control over the movie, he’s too busy making googly eyes trying to look sensitive to give as much of a shit about a story and characters and where to put the camera as he used to. (more…)

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Signs

Saturday, January 1st, 2005

There are bigger fans of M. Night Shymalan than me. He seems a little too nice to me, trying too hard to please everybody. They call him a new Spielberg but if so he’s a new Spielberg who skipped over the young vital years of Spielberg when he made shit like DUEL and JAWS. Still, I really like this young man’s style. He seems to have a couple of trademarks already. He treats supernatural themes very seriously and in a unique style that tricks mainstream audiences into thinking they are not watching a genre picture. He populates his stories with precocious child actors and movie stars who give uncharacteristically quiet performances. His stories have themes of tragedy and loss, and they are much more about character and suspense than about actual action. SIXTH SENSE was about discovering what’s goin on with these ghosts, not running from them or fighting them. And UNBREAKABLE was a super hero movie without a single scene of somebody swingin on a rope or shooting a laser or something.

And I really like what this fella does with the ol’ camera. He knows how to communicate crap visually. None of this “people talking to each other” bullshit. I mean, that’s there too, but it’s not the only thing he knows. All three of these movies (I’m not including that Rosie O’Donnell catholicism thing because I haven’t seen it) take full advantage of the star’s faces, letting the camera linger on them to show their reactions to all this supernatural business. Especially in this movie, most of the fantastic things happen just off screen, and instead of us seeing it we see Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix standing there staring at it.

In SIGNS, the new one about crop circles and trying to make the new CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD TYPE, Mel Gibson plays a former reverend who lost his faith after the death of his wife. And now there is weird alien shit goin on all over the world, and his live-in brother, his two young kids, and other residents of the small town he lives in seem to want him to tell them, from a religious type perspective, that everything’s gonna be okay. Problem is though he doesn’t believe it is. On account of he lost his faith. (more…)

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Unbreakable

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2000

BRUCE WILLIS’S UNBREAKABLE

Starring Bruce Willis

If you know Vern then you know I am not the kind of Film Writer who avoids giving away surprises or “spoilings” in movie reviews. The dude from Felicity is the killer in Scream 3 to name only one example. Apparently the girl in the Crying Game has a dick but I haven’t seen that one. I can verify that it does happen in one of the Sleepaway Camp pictures though so keep your eyes peeled for that one as well. Anyway point is if you want to go into a movie fresh you shouldn’t read my review first is the point. Especially when it comes to the films of Bruce Willis.

Now I am not saying this is some big surprise ending movie. There is a twist or two along the way but it’s not the Whole Point of the movie or nothing. I’m just saying, they are advertising this without telling you jack shit about what it is about. Holding back, for once. And sometimes it’s nice to sit back in that padded multiplex seat and not know what to expect, and you say Bruce, tell me a story. I was able to come in to this one fresh.

So I gotta say I was kinda surprised when the picture started and the words come on the screen that say, “There are 132 pages in the average comic book. The average page has 16 panels. In 1998 alone, over 100 adults admitted to reading comics. Some extremists even believe comic books are a legitimate form of literature.” or something along those lines.

Turns out Unbreakable is about more than just the reteaming of two film greats, Die Hard With a Vengeance’s Bruce W. Willis and Samuel L. Shaft 2K Jackson. Turns out it’s about comics. That said, some adults will still like the movie. (more…)

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The Sixth Sense

Friday, August 6th, 1999

This is one of Bruce’s more gentle movies where he is not a Badass. There is not exploding in this one and he never says a funny line after he kills someone because, to be frankly honest, he never kills ANYONE in this movie. However despite this disappointment I think alot of motherfuckers will like this movie if it catches on on the videos.

Bruce plays Malcolm Crowe, a psychologist type dude who just won an award for his work with the children. Unfortunately a naked guy is in his bathroom and shoots him. Turns out naked man was a former patient of his and lets face it, SOMEBODY dropped the ball on this kid he ends up in Bruce’s bathroom, waving a gun around, WITH NO CLOTHES ON. I have known a lot of motherfuckers who shot people or broke into their houses, some with no shirts on. This is pretty popular in fact for guys with big muscles or tattoos of any kind. Even a guy who has just a Tasmanian devil tattoo wants to show it off for some reason, I mean jesus christ these tattoo guys and their vanity. Anyway sometimes guys do it with no shirt on, and sometimes guys do it in their boxer shorts, when it’s on short notice and they didn’t have time to put pants on. You know, crimes of passion. But in another mans’ house WITH NO CLOTHES let me tell you that’s a whole different ballpark in my opinion.

A year later or something Bruce has a new patient who reminds him quite a fucking bit of the naked man when he was a kid. You start to figure out right away that Bruce is trying to redeem himself by solving this case. I have never been into the psychologist scene so I’m not sure but I bet he was embarrassed about the whole no clothes thing I mentioned. I mean people start snickering and you gotta do something, you gotta prove that you know how to help a kid. (more…)

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