I remember the first time I saw RESERVOIR DOGS it was with a bunch of dudes that had seen it a bunch of times and knew all the dialogue and shit. I thought it was great but I didn’t really get those guys, I didn’t think I would end up watching it over and over again.
Since then we’ve seen Quentin Tarantino go through the hip hop arc of exciting new thing, “it’s only a fad,” a decade later it’s obviously here to stay and still growing so quit your grumblin ya old grouch. In fact I did the math wrong when I was watching this, I was thinking it was turning 18 this year, it would be old enough to vote. And let’s be honest, it’s not voting for Obama, ’cause it’s kinda racist and also it probly thinks any Democrat wants to take its guns away. (read the rest of this shit…)
Let me tell you man, I’m not trying to commemorate the tenth anniversary of this movie. There’s no celebration here at all. It’s just analysis, I swear.
I saw FINAL FANTASY in the theater when it came out, found it incredibly boring, and really didn’t want to ever watch it again. Here is my review from back then. But I thought it was important to revisit for this study because, despite being a huge financial and artistic failure this movie did break alot of new ground that has turned out to be relevant to the movies of the decade since.
I meant to do this back when I reviewed POINT BLANK (Mickey Rourke vs. mall terrorists version), but I forgot, so here’s another Mickey Rourke picture to kick things off on a new thing I’ll try called COUNTDOWN TO THE EXPENDABLES. Not sure if I got enough time before the movie comes out next month, but I’m gonna try to go down the list of all the main EXPENDABLES cast members and review one of their movies that I haven’t seen before. (See, it’s a good thing Seagal turned the movie down, because there’s not anything by him that I haven’t seen. Maybe I’d have to review the cameo on the episode of Roseanne that I didn’t find out about until after Seagalogy went to print.)
Whether or not Stallone’s movie ends up being any good I think we can all agree that he did a good job of casting a wide range of tough guys from different movements, generations and disciplines. So through this journey I think we will all learn a few things and expand our knowledge of the Badass Arts in its many forms. I know I’ve already seen one unexpected gem in preparation for this series, so this could be a great time.
In this movie Christopher Walken plays Frank White who is the King of New York. He is not literally a king but actually some sort of crime boss of New York. He’s fresh out of the joint and unlike certain heroic individuals who choose to turn their life around and follow a path of Positivity, making the world a better place through art and culture, he decides to be king of new york. But he says he’s gonna build a hospital so that makes it okay.
The director is Abel Ferrara, an asshole director who I sort of like. I mean I never met the guy obviously but he’s one of those greaseballs like Vincent Gallo where, before you even see an interview with the guy, you just get the feeling he’s an asshole. In his movie DRILLER KILLER I didn’t even realize he was the star (he used a pseudonym) and I kept thinking this star really thinks he’s hot shit, it’s not just the character. What a fuckin asshole. But then I listened to the commentary track and heard Ferrara say the same exact thing about himself. So I had to like him. (read the rest of this shit…)
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Sounds like Vern got cheated out of a screening of BATTLE ROYALE, and maybe that’s a good thing. He’s a reformed man after being a guest of the state, but who knows what’ll happen when you lay bare the blackest heart of man against man. I’d much rather be in a theater with Vern during a warped little character flick like GHOST WORLD, Terry (CRUMB) Zwigoff’s adaptation of the Daniel Clowes comics. I can’t wait to see this, and thanks to the always-appreciated efforts of Vern, we’re getting a little early peek…
This is a story about an individual named Vern who is standing in an alley outside of the Egyptian theater in Seattle, Washington where the world premiere of a movie is about to take place. There is a line around the building and I’m standing next to this dumpster that smells like piss and I’m thinking, this must be the line for Battle Royale. Battle Royale is this movie everybody’s talking about. It’s this week’s Chopper. (read the rest of this shit…)
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if that's your thing:
1. Patreon
Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines
(you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)
I also have an Amazon UK one:
(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)
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5. Spread the word
Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.
THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
* * * *
Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
AI Rap Video on V/H/S/Mixtape: “The GWAR wraparound with the ketchup-cannon jerking-off contest and Grodius’s “mom” walking in made me laugh out loud, and it’s…” Oct 31, 06:18
CJ Holden on Silent Hill (20 years later): “I love this movie, but that it falls a bit apart at the end and that the father subplot isn’t…” Oct 30, 23:23
Mr.Shemp on Wildwood: “Vern, that’s completely nuts that every single major studio turned down WILDWOOD for distribution. Almost all of the animated flicks…” Oct 30, 23:00
Ryan on Silent Hill (20 years later): “Of all the changes for the film adaptation, the most notable is that the game doesn’t have anything like the…” Oct 30, 18:56
Alex R on Silent Hill (20 years later): “Was just thinking today that one of the hardest times I’ve ever laughed was when I saw a Silent Hill…” Oct 30, 17:14
Mr. Majestyk on Silent Hill (20 years later): “I also like the second one because it’s just a straightforward geek show. The HELLRAISER III or RESIDENT EVIL 5…” Oct 30, 16:04
Kim Cardassian on Silent Hill (20 years later): “This is definitely the best of the bunch when it comes to the Silent Hill movies, but I’ll also cop…” Oct 30, 15:30
burningambulance on Silent Hill (20 years later): “I don’t think I even knew this was a video game when I watched it. (Aside from playing in literal…” Oct 30, 13:46
dwain_gr on Wildwood: “What really stands out is how much attention the creators have paid to even the smallest details, some of which…” Oct 30, 07:09
VERN on Wildwood: “dreadguacamole – Yeah, I agree with you about the kidnapping, but there were some young kids behind me cracking up…” Oct 29, 23:09
grimgrinningchris on FX2: “Felicity- 4 years later… O’Connor is also doing a totally different thing as a mysterious bad boy crush in PEGGY…” Oct 29, 21:47
Mr.Shemp on Wildwood: “This is a tremendous and beautiful movie. I just saw it on the biggest screen at my local a few…” Oct 29, 21:36
Hammer Time on Wildwood: “Portlander here – I apologize for Voodoo Doughnuts. What started as a place drunk people went to get some carbs…” Oct 29, 18:56
dreadguacamole on Wildwood: “Beautiful review for a beautiful movie – It boggles my mind that this is only Laika’s second or third best…” Oct 29, 18:41
Curt on Logan: “Pour some Earl Grey on the curb for Sir Patrick. RIP” Oct 29, 17:42
I remember the first time I saw RESERVOIR DOGS it was with a bunch of dudes that had seen it a bunch of times and knew all the dialogue and shit. I thought it was great but I didn’t really get those guys, I didn’t think I would end up watching it over and over again.
Let me tell you man, I’m not trying to commemorate the tenth anniversary of this movie. There’s no celebration here at all. It’s just analysis, I swear.
I meant to do this back when I reviewed 
In this movie Christopher Walken plays Frank White who is the King of New York. He is not literally a king but actually some sort of crime boss of New York. He’s fresh out of the joint and unlike certain heroic individuals who choose to turn their life around and follow a path of Positivity, making the world a better place through art and culture, he decides to be king of new york. But he says he’s gonna build a hospital so that makes it okay.
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
