"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Dangerously Close and Under Cover

cannon-stockwellDANGEROUSLY CLOSE

Here’s one from Cannon Films and our friend Albert Pyun, but I’m sorry to say this is the most boring one I’ve seen so far in my back-to-school marathon. The idea behind it, at least, is different from the other ones I’ve seen. This time the school is overrun with troublemakers spraying graffiti and what not, but they’re not the bad guys – that would be The Sentinels, a group of fascist jocks who patrol Vista Verde High School to keep people in line. Their main job at school is just painting over graffiti, but outside of school they actually track people down wearing masks, beat the shit out of them and make them think they’re going to murder them, then leave them crying out in the middle of the woods. Don’t you hate popular kids? (read the rest of this shit…)

The Principal

tn_principalThis would’ve been a perfect opportunity for another “is…” movie. James Belushi is… THE PRINCIPAL. But director Christopher Cain (YOUNG GUNS) let that one fly by. Anyway, in this drama-leaning-toward-action James Belushi plays Rich Latimer, a fuckup teacher who’s punished by being “promoted” to principal of Brandel, the crime infested cess pool of an alternative school where all the district’s worst troublemakers get shipped off to after they light a teacher on fire or crash a stolen hot air balloon whatever. Those are not specified but I’m assuming that’s the type of stuff they did. You know this place is bad when Latimer stops by to check it out during non-school hours and gets mixed up in a fight and car chase. (read the rest of this shit…)

The Informant! and The Girlfriend Experience

tn_informant!Today I have a Steve Soderbergh double feature. I got his new one, THE INFORMANT! followed by his previous one, THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE.

Twenty years after SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE and Steve Soderbergh is still experimenting up a storm. This year he’s alternating a low budget improvised drama starring a porn star (more on that later) with this big studio comedy starring Matt Damon. But as far as Soderbergh’s commercial movies go THE INFORMANT! is on the weirder end. He takes the true story of a corporate crime whistleblower who helped the FBI crack open a huge price fixing scandal, but he plays it as a broad comedy. (read the rest of this shit…)

R.I.P. Roc Raida

rocraidaI just read something shocking and sad – Busta Rhymes has announced that the great DJ Roc Raida has died at just 37 years old. Now, I know when that DJ AM guy died recently I had no idea who that was except that he dated Lionel Richie’s daughter, and most of you probly know even less about Roc Raida. He didn’t date anybody related to anyone famous as far as I know and was not very well known outside of serious hip hop fans, so I’m gonna give you a little impromptu history lesson here.

If you just know hip hop from modern TV and radio you don’t really see alot of DJs. Scratching is not usually really a component of popular rap music these days and some of the big ones don’t even have a DJ as part of their stage show anymore. This is exactly what was happening in the early ’90s as well. (read the rest of this shit…)

Extract

tn_extractSomebody requested I review EXTRACT, even knowing that I have a hard time writing about comedies and whether they’re funny or not. But you know how I am, I strive to achieve excellence, make everybody happy and proud, etc.

EXTRACT is the new picture from Mike Judge who did cartoons, then OFFICE SPACE, then IDIOCRACY. It’s a low key comedy but made me laugh alot and gets better and better as it goes along. There’s not really a high concept to explain here, which was also true of OFFICE SPACE, but at least with that one you could say it was about the torment of being an office worker. This one is about a guy who owns an extract factory being sexually frustrated and dealing with a worker injury lawsuit. Does that sound awesome, or what? (read the rest of this shit…)

3:15

tn_315aka 3:15 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

When you’re a grown adult you normally don’t fear somebody who you perceive as a kid. No matter how hateful the bastard is you have something over him – probly size and strength, intelligence, if not you at least have the authority of being an adult. You’re supposed to be in charge here. You enforce the rules if it comes to that. They fear you. I think maybe that’s what all these ’80s juvenile delinquent movies were about was the fear of losing that authority. As kids looked weirder and acted scarier the grownups were terrified of the world turning upside down so they couldn’t say anything to these fuckers. Oh my god, they have war paint and chains, they’re gonna eat me alive.

So it’s fitting that in 3:15 I have a hard time telling the kids apart from the adults. The students are all played by actors in their mid-twenties, maybe older. So you only know it’s a teacher if he’s wearing a tie. The school only seems to have a couple teachers, but a whole lot of gangs. I guess I can see why they’re physically overwhelmed and don’t seem to make any effort to patrol the halls or anything. It’s a hopeless situation so they gave up a long time ago. (read the rest of this shit…)

Teen Wolf Too

tn_teenwolftooEverybody knows there’s a TEEN WOLF TOO starring Jason Bateman. I know I personally have been aware of this fact for many years. But until this week it never really occurred to me to actually watch it. I decided to do just that, and here’s what I found.

TEEN WOLF was about a teen who turned into a wolf, and TEEN WOLF TOO is about a teen who turns into a wolf too. He’s the cousin of the Michael J. Fox character, whose whereabouts are not mentioned. Maybe they wanted to leave the possibilities open for a THREEN WOLF, or maybe they just wanted to avoid pulling a MATRIX RELOADED. The original MATRIX had such a nice open ending where you could imagine what happened next, but then they put a cap on that by showing what’s next in part 2. The TEEN WOLF saga doesn’t make that mistake, it lets Scott Howard continue his journey through your imagination. (read the rest of this shit…)

New poster for THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

I don’t know about you guys but I enjoy the work George Clooney does with his writing partner Grant Heslov (better known as the Rock’s sidekick in THE SCORPION KING). Now Heslov is directing a movie starring Clooney based on a book I’ve heard is good, a true story comedy about a unit of the military that tried to figure out how to use paranormal powers.

It doesn’t come out until the beginning of November, but they’re just now beginning to advertise it and there’s a poster for it now. An interesting design because it doesn’t show any photos from the movie or anything, it’s just some silverish background with red silhouettes, kind of scratched up looking an– wait a minute WHAT THE FUUUUCK!??

goats

The Substitute 4: Failure Is Not An Option

tn_substitute4By part 4 the SUBSTITUTE series is almost entirely divorced from the theatrical original. It’s the only one not written by Rocco Simonelli and Roy Frumkes – this time it’s Dan Gurskis, who apparently did an uncredited rewrite on part 3. It’s Treat Williams as Karl Thomasson again, but he’s not even really an undercover substitute. He discusses it that way, but really he’s given the job of history teacher at a military academy under slightly sneaky but not really clandestine circumstances. He’s not THE SUBSTITUTE anymore, he’s THE NEW TEACHER.

For once he’s not on a mission on behalf of a teacher – this time an old general friend is worried about his nephew at this academy, and is sending in a team to check things out. He was right to be worried because the head of the academy, Colonel Brack (Patrick Kilpatrick), is an open white supremacist maniac who’s training an elite corp of neo-nazis called “The Werewolves” and sending them on terrorist bombings of minority owned power plants (?). (read the rest of this shit…)

BLOOD AND BONE came out this week

tn_bloodandboneBI wanted to remind everybody that the Michael Jai White movie BLOOD AND BONE came out on the DVD this week. I really liked this movie and think it’s on par with some of the better late ’80s/early ’90s American martial arts movies. It not only has a great badass role for MJW, but an excellent villain played by Eamonn Walker (left), plus cameos by Gina Carano and some other individuals whose names I don’t know and are listed more prominently than necessary on the back of the DVD.

I’m anxious for you guys to see this so I can hear what other people think. So let me know.