POTPOURRI 3D (and 2D in select browsers)

tn_f133dOkay fellas, it seems the other “talk about whatever off topic gibberish you want” threads have been overloaded with said off topic gibberish, so here is a fresh new one to use.

possible topics include:honeyishrunk

* Movies that came out this week

* Older movies I should review

* Some new quote from Stallone about EXPENDABLES 2

* How much you love The Clash

* Why you don’t like Zack Snyder

* Out-of-the-blue befuddling opinions by Paul that somehow still manage to surprise us all despite previous history

* What distinct markings could be used to identify your ex

* Hot new recipes for the summer

* Home safety

* Why I should apologize for teasing because I genuinely appreciate all of you coming here and posting

* But let’s stay clear of complaining about George Lucas shit, please. Just so there’s one spot on the internet, you know?

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 7th, 2011 at 5:50 pm and is filed under Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

995 Responses to “POTPOURRI 3D (and 2D in select browsers)”

  1. For a second I was thinking it would be funny to close the comments on this post, but I decided against it.

  2. Speaking of George Lucas, where’s RED TAILS? Hidden in his goiter somewhere, probably.

  3. Please Review Phantom of the Paradise, KTHNX <3

  4. I’d like to know what people think of this:


    And Vern, review Falling Down already.

  5. Paul has officially been put in his place. This pleases me a great deal.

    Now I’m off to find my Rad Racer glasses so I can appreciate the imagery of this new historic corner of the internet.

  6. Mr. Subtlety – I brought up Clash because the Beastie Boys was on radio the other day (well two of them at least, MCA still fighting his cancer) and they listed The Clash as a big influence of theirs.

    In retrospect this is pretty damn obvious, but for whatever reason I was bowled over with this small revelation. It makes me respect those guys even more, and I respect the world fuck out of them already.

    Hell their new reggae-inspired song “Don’t Play No Game That I Can’t Win,” I can absolutely imagine Joe Strummer’s ghost bobbing his head to that groovy shit.

    Seriously dudes, HOT SAUCE COMMITTEE more than likely will be the best new album out this month. Or you could wait a few weeks for Lady Gaga’s BORN THIS WAY. It’s your choice.

  7. Is it ok if I don’t really care one way or the other about Zack Snyder?

    Perchance you could have a series of reviews of films with the word down in the title, including I WENT DOWN, about the only half decent film made in this country for ages other than RAWHEAD REX and PRIMER.

  8. Caoimhín – Welcome Switzerland! :)

  9. Re: EXPENDABLES 2 Screen Rant claims that Sheldon Lettich heard from Sir JCVD that he will be involved this go round. As a villain no less. I hope this pulls through; he hasn’t played a villain enough and he has always had a great look for it like when he took on Sho Kosugi or that stupid Bruce Lee stan that moved to seattle. Now all this movie needs is some Michael Biehn, a little Lance, some Dudikoff and throw in some Scott Adkins as well

  10. Holy shit @ that pic. I totally remember HONEY, I SHRUNK THE AUDIENCE being the best iteration of that franchise for sure. Good times at good ol MGM studios. Oh 1995 how I miss you.

    RE: HOT SAUCE COMITTEE this is like a modern take on CHECK YOUR HEAD. Don’t know if I like it more than TO THE 5 BOROUGHS yet but I’ve been stuck on that song they did with Santigold pretty viciously these past couple of days. Best hip hop album I’ve heard this year though is still ONEIROLOGY by Cunninlynguists but that new DJ Quik was pretty good at times as well.

  11. Okay guys, apparently if you freestyle rap vaguely coherently in a topic while requesting something, Vern will come through (and name the topic after your request/make the same obvious joke you did).

    So, if you REALLY want him to review Falling Down…get to rhyming, boys. I’d do it, but I’ve already dropped a few gems today.

  12. No, RRA. I’ll be bumping the new Musiq Soulchild album most heavily this month.

    I’m also a big fan of about 4 tracks on the new Airborne Toxic Event album.

    Honestly, I have no clue if I’ve ever even heard a Lady Gaga song, though I’m pretty sure I saw her featured on 60 Minutes a few weeks ago. People in the front row of her concerts were crying and whatnot, so that means she must be pretty good.

  13. Lady Gaga is pretty good, especially when she’s ripping off David Bowie instead of Madonna. Seriously, go peep “Brown Eyes.” Also, she’s weirdly sexy in a, she-really-doesn’t-look-like-a-pop-star kinda way. In fact, If you mixed her and Ellen Page with a little bit of actually-having-hips, a dash of oversized back tattoo, and a smattering of tattoos you can’t see when she’s fully dressed, you’d have the spitting image of my ex.

    So really, what I’m saying is, she writes some fun songs and resembles my “type.”

  14. *smattering of piercings you can’t see when she’s fully dressed

  15. For the longest time I was under the impression that Lady Gaga was just a conscious burning candle with a wig on. Till some younger chick I was boning (19 to 20ish) told me that she’s essentially her generation’s answer to Madonna. All I could ask was “what’s the difference?”

  16. Alright, I’m gonna try to end this gibberish that is already corrupting the multidimensional potpourri variation that we have been given like worthy American mothers of Vern on this holiday weekend and say that, although Hunter good-naturedly somehow bamboozled me into popping my Lady Gaga listenership cherry, this is an unacceptable route for the sacrosanct comments/jibber-jabber section of the premiere BADASS CINEMA website/web sight.

    Okay, man, the Bowie influence is there (or is it merely a T-Rex influence I’m hearing? Hmm?), and “Brown Eyes” is decent enough, but then I made the mistake of listening to most of the next song on the Rhapsody queue because it was called “Paper Gangsta” and because I have a weakness for listening to songs called “Paper Gangsta,” and so anyway now I am striking L**y G**a from my online badass vocabulary from now on. No offense. Not my cup of Gaga.

    Here is a surprisingly awesome picture to wipe the bad taste out of my ears: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2009708800/rg3580795392

    No 3D glasses necessary. You’re all welcome.

  17. Did you guys see these concept posters for HAYWIRE that got leaked?


    My favorite is the one where she kicked the guy through the glass door. But I also like the one where she’s on the bed because at first glance it looks like a sex thing and then you realize she’s gonna break a dude’s arm.

    When are they gonna make a damn trailer for this thing? It’s been finished and test screened for a while, and dumped by a distributor. But it never sounded like a big commercial movie anyway, so I still got hopes. One article said it might be released in August, if so it will continue the tradition of my most anticipated summer movie coming out in August.

  18. She’s not likely to break dude’s arm there in pic #7. That’s the triangle, Vern. It’s a move you can perform when you have an opponent in your guard; if she can keep her legs strongly connected while getting her right leg a little closer to dude’s left ear and continue to pull on his right arm, she’ll cut off blood to his brain or make him tap. Looks like she’s already bloodied, so I doubt she’ll honor his tap.

    I’ll watch any Soderbergh film, August or whenever. Judging by the cast at the bottom of picture #2, this one looks like a must-see in the theatre.

  19. Vern – please review “Juggernaut”, starring Richard Harris and Anthony Hopkins. It is a ridiculously good 1970s big-budget seafaring movie that was unlucky enough to come out at a similar time as “The Poseidon Adventure” (which is also an excellent movie) came out. It is quite simply one of my favorite thrillers of all time, one of the tensest movies ever made, and features a great badass performance from Richard Harris to boot. It also has one of the most parodied final scenes of any film ever, but most people can’t even remember what film that particular device originally came from nowadays.

    Mouth – I can see what you’re talking about here, that young lady does have a massive pair of shiny earrings, doesn’t she? They are somewhat eye-catching.

    Broddie – I can only remember JCVD playing a villain (and a fairly minor one, as far as I can recall) in some action movie with an Asian guy as the lead. Can’t remember what the heck it was called but it bored the hell out of me.

    And sorry, but JCVD playing a villain strikes me as a terrible idea. Unless he can do a miracle repeat of “Unisol: Regeneration” I just don’t see him pulling it off. You look at the other big-name action stars and their efforts at villainy are almost universally bad. (Ok, there was the Terminator. But he wasn’t a villain in the sequels and anyway it doesn’t count if you’re playing a cybernetic organism. New rule.) “Batman and Robin”? “Spy Kids 3”? “Machete”? The films may not have been terrible (well, “Batman and Robin”…) but the characters and performances by Arnold, Stallone and Seagal respectively were pretty damn bad.

  20. Sigh. And he doesn’t even acknowledge his notoriety here.

    I refuse to acknowledge the existence of Paul or any of his posts, no matter how harmless or clever, until he sees THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS and admits to me that it’s awesome.

  21. Who has seen Thor and what are the thoughts? I saw it today and it’s been a few hours and I still can’t quite formulate an opinion. I thought Asgard was amazing, I thoroughly enjoyed the fight with the ice giants and the warriors three (more Ray Stevenson please), and of course everything involving Natalie Portman being on screen, but I can’t decipher yet how I feel about it as a whole.

  22. Of course theres a Thor review up now. Nevermind.

  23. A.J. MacReady

    May 7th, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Just saw Adaptation and while there is NOT an abundance of mega-acting in any way, it’s pretty fucked up and amazing all at once. About writing, about movies, and about writing movies. . .and then maybe even having a passion for something in life that you say “fuck the rest, THIS is what matters” or some shit like that I think. So, you know, it’s a thinker and everything. But it’s pretty awesome all the same. Guess that means I think you should review it, Vern, cause I wanna see what you gotta say as always.

  24. A.J. MacReady

    May 7th, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Meant to say that I saw it AGAIN. Although it’d be pretty cool if I knew to save something that kickass for a night where I had nothing else to watch.

  25. Hunter D. – I loved FIVE BOROUGHS but apparently I’ve read the HOT SAUCE reivews and I guess I was asleep or something back in ’04, but FIVE BOROUGHS was a “creative flop.” I missed that memo. Which I yell bullshit. Sure not as good as their earlier records, but their weakest efforts are still better than most assholes’ best.

    I’m trying to refuse the idea that the Boys have gone back to basics or went back to CHECK YOUR HEAD or ILL COMMUNICATION or HELLO NASTY or whatever the fuck cliches I’ve read in too many reviews. Some legends have made so much good music, their worst enemies become their past. I’ll just say for white Jewish graying dudes in their 40s, one fighting cancer, they still enjoy music and the exploration of it. Still pull off some potent beats.*

    And of course, rap some nonsensical as nonsensical lyrics can be.

    I must say, Ms. Gaga just didn’t leave an impression for me. Some people are sample and make art out of it. Modest Mouse, among others. Some sample because they’re just fucking lazy and don’t know anybody. Or can’t play instruments. She’s very popular, maybe one of the world’s biggest pop stars. If not #1.

    Which means she’s rather generic, or too much for my taste. (also losing a PR news cycle to Weird Al was hilarious inept on her part. Accidental or not, she lost a fight to a novelty musician. Opps!)

    *=Which begs the obvious question: How come the Beastie Boys haven’t collaborated yet with Eminem? Jesus Eminem admitted years back that the Boys (among others) were a big influence on him. Imagine that team-up. It could even steer Eminem from the same old blame mom/ex-wife/I’m clean/I’m clean again/I’m clean again again/kill celebrities lyrics he usually writes up when he’s on creative autopilot.

  26. Hunter – link me your previous rhymes so that I have a template.

  27. RAA:

    I hadn’t actually posted anything about the Beastie Boys, but I WAS considering the purchase of HSC2, so I appreciate your thorough, if unmotivated advice.


    in my world, Arnold, Sly, and Seagal WERE playing robots in those movies. They just never reference it overtly. That’s how I choose to interpret a lot of movies. It makes them better.

  28. JTraveller76:

    Potpourri 3D/homie G/”give us us free”/for you and me/a place to discuss irony/misogyny/cinematography/ and various oddities/it oughta be/made to be/because you hosting service is spot-tit-ty/ironically/cause you’re always spot on with your commentary/I need a place to spill my mental dysentery/so drop a new spot so we can pop the cherry/hilar-ity will ensue/like a misplaced order at the apothecary/we’ll be merry/till we OD and foam at the mouth it’ll get quite scary/cause we’re unaware we/ popped a pill designed to turn a badass into a fairy.

    Not my best work, but good enough, I suppose.

  29. I still would’ve appreciated a Potpourri WITH A VENGEANCE thread to stay badass with the part threes. That was my favorite sequel name ever, until LIVE FREE which I think is even better because it’s so blatantly patriotic.

  30. I recently bought an ex-rental DVD of Demolition Man, which makes me want to see Wesley Snipes as the bad guy in Expendables2.
    Though I also want to see JCVD and all those guys Brodie mentioned.

  31. I’ve always wanted Vern to review more Spielberg movies, Close Encounters, Jurassic Park, Empire of The Sun etc etc

    maybe you could have a Spielberg marathon leading up to Super 8 perhaps?

    or maybe Vern’s just waiting for the blu rays of all those movies, like me, in which case he needs to revisit AI and review The Color Purple

  32. and I remember HONEY, I SHRUNK THE AUDIENCE as well

    man, I haven’t been to Disney World in almost ten years, I wish I could go this summer

  33. some other movies I’d love Vern to review simply because they are awesome movies are Jacob’s Ladder and The Never Ending Story, both of which are on blu ray

  34. also sorry to quadruple post, but before I forget I’d like to plug my own review blog

    I’ve had it for almost a year now, but I’ve been hesitant to mention it until now, I figure a new potpourri is as good a time as any


    I don’t really review movies (at least not so far), mainly I review anime, books and video games, I like to think of myself as the Vern of video games (or at least I’m trying to be), so if that sounds interesting to you check it out, a word of warning though, I don’t update all that often

  35. Hunter D: Bad shot, in Seagal’s case. In most of his films he might as well BE a robot because we almost never see him scar, bruise, or get cut (despite him having practically a fetish for throwing people through panes of glass). Machete’s one obvious exception to that rule.

    (Executive Decision’s another one, but does anybody notice that we never see his body after he [SPOILER] gets sucked out of the tube at 30,000 feet? ANYTHING could’ve happened to the guy. They were over the ocean – who’s to say he didn’t land in it, survive, and physically subdue a killer whale or giant squid, forcing it to give him a lift back to dry land? This is what I choose to believe.)

  36. Vern, please review IN BRUGES already. You like movie about Hitmen with soft spots and badass juxtapositions, right? And weird touches, like…being set in Bruges, a bitter dwarf actor predicting a race war, paintings depicting Hell…and lots of dark humour.

  37. Chuck Norris rejoins Delta Force: 10:31am. Osama Bin Laden dead : 10:32am.

  38. I’m with Hunter on the robot interpretation tip when it comes to those “hero turned villain” turns. Good call.

    Oh and now that Vern mentions August; anybody see the new trailer for NEW CONAN yet?

    It actually makes it look watchable which is saying something for a Marcus Nispel joint.

  39. Knox Harrington

    May 8th, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I second that IN BRUGES suggestion. I also think it’s about time vern reviews THE LOSERS. Furthermore, I think Marcus Nispel deserves to get sodomised by those scary indians mentioned in Blood Meridian.

    And finally, why hasn’t Vern reviewed Deadly Crossing yet? I think it’s the latest Seagal movie, as it appeared at my local video store a few weeks ago. I’m sure as hell not gonna watch it, since I don’t really like those DTV Seagal movies (sorry, but I’ve yet to see one that I considered to actually be, you know, good), but I do love love reading Vern’s reviews of these movies.

  40. “Oh and now that Vern mentions August; anybody see the new trailer for NEW CONAN yet?”
    Yes, it looks good, though oddly Conan feels like a supporting character in it from the lack of lines he has in the trailer.
    What about COLOMBIANA? I posted the trailer in the fallen Potpourri 2 thread, but we had the problems with that soon after, so I don’t know how many of you saw…
    Could be good, but I fear the post-action plague that Vern said TRANSPORTER 3 by the same director had, in addition to a bit of Tony Scott avid fart”the filmreel I’m using killed my father and raped my mother, so I’m gonna fuck up the image with all sorts of double exposure and colour saturation shit!” type shananigans. Also, could have done with a better male lead than Guy From Alias.

  41. – know

    Is The Loosers any good? As in, should I spend five of my hardearned bucks on it?

  42. Thirding IN BRUGES. The whole “black comedy with humanized hitmen” genre has become a big red flag, but Stu’s right – there are a lot of nice touches to this one that are carried off gracefully (as opposed to the standard OMG Isn’t This Outrageous quirkitude.) The cast is all aces too, which is something I never imagined I’d say about Colin Farrell. Even if you don’t feel like writing it up, Vern, you ought to check it out sometime.

  43. Fun In Bruges fact; that painting of hell, it describes the entire rest of the movie. Trufax.

    Also, Mouth, I’m sorry that you listened to Paper Gangster. I only made it about 45 seconds into that song before I deleted it from Itunes, It’s a truly terrible little thing. Low point of her career.

  44. Stu that trailer looked very annoying to me. The repetition of “remember who you are” whatever the fuck was irritating but mostly It was all the pseudo-Tony Scott rapid edit shit that really did put me off. I was hoping this would’ve looked cooler I mean it’s a flick about an ass kicking chick written by Besson after all but yeah not very impressed.

  45. Broddie; FOUR TIMES. Thats how many times her father/trainer/mentor loudly whispers REMEMBER WHERE YOU CAME FROM. The first time I thought it was kinda cool. I was even willing to go with it the second time. By the time the third and the fourth rolled around I was pretty much officially unsold on Colombiana. Might be good, I’ll generally see annnnnything with Besson’s name attached (even knowing full well it could be absolute shit), but man somebody at the trailer cutting office needs some schooling on how taking something potentially badass and then BEATING IT TO DEATH does not a more badass tagline make.

  46. Hey, while we are being random anyone else want to take bets that Junior Dos Santos will defeat Brock Lesnar via Sensei Seagal Crane Kick?

    I give it a 2-1 shot.

  47. It’s funny that you recently mentioned avoiding Cuba Gooding, Jr. movies in the same week that I noticed just how many damn DTV movies he’s done. Since the last time he appeared on theater screens (2007’s American Gangster), he’s done over a dozen movies, most of them action vehicles. And in one of the four DTVs he’s got listed for 2011, he co-stars with Dolph Lundgren. On paper, a seeming candidate for the Expendables sequel. Of course, I haven’t seen any of them, even Shadowboxer. So, your mission, should you choose to accept it…

  48. Why were you guys ever excited for Columbina? Did you not see Megaton’s first feature, Transporter 3? Utterly lifeless. I have no idea what Besson sees in him. His staging is uninspired, his composition predictable, and he was unable to pull a memorable performance from any of his actors. The man killed the franchise dead. He couldn’t even shoot hot European women properly.

  49. Yeah, but he has “Megaton” in his name.

    I’m sold.

  50. Knox Harrington

    May 8th, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Did any of the reviewers bother to write a “Megaton bombs” headline when Transporter 3 came out. If not, critics really aren’t doing their jobs anymore.

    And yes, The Losers is worth five of hard earned bucks, my friend. Worth every penny.

  51. Making Matters worse, Transporter 3 had a budget about 100% more than the original and 25% more than the first sequel and yet it has significantly less action than either of those films. It just looks and feels cheap on every level, in spite of the fact that it is one of the most expensive movies that Statham has ever toplined.

  52. I agree about Megaton, but Columbiana looks pretty good. Maybe you guys already covered this, but was it really written first as a Leon sequel? It seems to fit other than her wanting to avenge her parents. Even has her wearing Leon hat and sunglasses in one part of the trailer.

    He’s doing Taken 2 also, so hopefully he improves.

  53. This seems like as good a place as any to let you boys know that I won’t be around to blow your minds about the hot shit for the next couple weeks because I’ll be in Jamaica on business, getting paid to interview nearly naked models and drink complimentary mixed beverages. So I’m sort of like Mouth but without the code names and political assassinations. Do try to enjoy yourselves without me.

  54. I like to pretend the Transporter movies stopped after the first one. Then watch the second as an unrelated film that has buckets more cheese but still largely works. All prints and copies of the third should be burned in a square somewhere, preferably while villagers with torches and pitchforks look on.

    And it’s already been said, but yeah, the Losers is absolutely worth a rental. If I ever find it on sale on blu I’ll even pick it up for my collection. Slightly forgettable, entirely enjoyable while you are watching it.

  55. I prefer the first TRANSPORTER as well. It seems more…classy. 2 is fun, but I’m just too annoyed at how the only real link to the first film is the french cop. And why would he dump Qi Shu for an affair with some housewife?
    “He’s doing Taken 2 also, so hopefully he improves.”
    I hope his daughter doesn’t get kidnapped again in that. I don’t think the character is really built for McClaine-esque “How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice!” type scenarios.

  56. Oh shit, there was a 3rd Transporter movie wasn’t there? Judging from these comments I’m glad I missed it completely. Then I watched the trailer for Columbiana and it lost me forever with that whole “i watched my parents get killed when I was 9” or whatever the fuck Uhura said. Did Paul Haggis write that shit? It reminds me of Sean Penn’s “I have Mike’s heart!” over emoting from 21 Grams. That right there is my least favorite thing someone can put into a movie.

    Anyway, in an attempt to say something nice, Cliff Curtis is awesome in everything, and has an ability to play multiple races that puts Seagal to shame.

  57. Your presence has been and will continue to be missed, Mr. Majestyk. Jamaica has been very good to me, though my ODA’s field trips there have never involved enough babes & beverages. Or any assassinations. (Officially.)

    Take lots of pictures, brotherman.

  58. Mouth, it might be dishonorable and all, but you do realize that if you ever met Vanessa Hudgens you could totally tell her, or at least *heavily imply* that you plugged Osama. Sure, it would be morally reprehensible and against everything you stand for, but you just might get a blowjay out of it…just sayin’.

  59. The villains in MARKED FOR DEATH were Jamaican, so be carefull not to piss off any twin brother voodoo practitioning drug dealers.

  60. I was thinking I would wow Vanessa by grabbing a basketball and then dancing with it. (It worked for Zac Efron.) If that didn’t work, I was gonna just headbutt the floppy out of Zac Efron’s stupid hair.

    Or I guess I could find a way to lose my shirt and let her see the dog tags and then tell her some ‘Stan stories.

    But really I prefer it when the girl makes the first move.

  61. Majestyk in light of what Stu has said may I also say to make sure never to get involved with any jamaicans that look like Steve James or the non-Keith David or Basil Wallace MARKED FOR DEATH black guy in WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S II. Those aren’t the type of people to invite to a BBQ. Unless of course WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S II did not take place in jamaica then I’d just say enjoy the fine rum out there.

  62. I just smoked my first blunt in over a month cause I take breaks like a responsible toker. So that reference was completely random. I seriously haven’t seen that movie since like 1994. Perhaps I should netflix that.

  63. Just review John Carpenter’s Vampires, and re-review Hard Target…classics

  64. Speaking of Carpenter I think an ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 review is long overdue around here. PRINCE OF DARKNESS too.

  65. since it’s directed by Marcus Nispel I’m sure the New Conan (is that like the new Coke?) will have utterly incomprehensible action sequences that will make you think Conan himself has knocked you on the head

    but hey, on the bright side there’ll probably be lots of boobs, that Friday The 13th remake has I think the most tits I’ve ever seen in a movie in theaters and is the only reason to bother with that POS

  66. The new CONAN being a big budget movie with Conan fighting LORD OF THE RING extras and magic NARNIA monsters, I really doubt we’ll see any boobs. But on the bright side I’d say that at least from the trailer it doesn’t really look too awful, especially compared to Nispel’s terrible PATHFINDER.

  67. Griff, OMG, Neverending Story. That movie blows my mind. I just realized that it’s about me watching Bastian read about Atreyu and that someone will hear my story and then someone will hear their story and then THEIR story and then my head explodes.

    Also, I think Transporter 3 is an amazing script because it includes the line “I want to feel sex one last time.”

  68. but Toxic, isn’t it going to be R rated? if so I’m sure they’ll be some titties in there somewhere because like I said this is the same guy that directed the boob filled Friday The 13th remake

  69. – Vern

    Now the era of reboots is officially over, I would love to see some doublefeature reviews of remakes like Yojimbo/A Fistfull of Dollars/Last Man Standing and The Virgin Spring/Last House on The Left.

    You could do the classic Columbia horrors and it`s remakes; Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman, The Invisible man (Hollow Man) and The Mummy.) Or how about Scarface (`32) , King Kong (`33) and Wages of fear? Or The Hunchback of Notre Dame vs the Disney version?

  70. I’d like a review of PAT GARRETT & BILLY THE KID.

  71. “Now the era of reboots is officially over, I would love to see some doublefeature reviews of remakes like Yojimbo/A Fistfull of Dollars/Last Man Standing and The Virgin Spring/Last House on The Left.”
    He’s done those already, the Virgin Spring review being subtitle “Max Von Sydow’s Badass Revenge”.

  72. Random musing: How in the world did the direct to DVD (I think) movie The Big Bang (starring Antonio Banderas) get as many recognizable actors as it does into it? It’s basically a quirky detective noir “thriller” but with a ridiculous amount of cameos for something that really does not really deserve it. I would ask Vern to review except I think it’s terrible.

    Speaking of Antonio Banderas, what the hell happened to his career?

    Oh dear… I just checked IMDB and he’s playing Dali in the movie of the same name… directed by Simon West. Those three things don’t seem like a good match at all. However, the script is written by the writer of Kill the Irishman which I have heard is good (and stars Punisher #3 Ray Stevenson) and I am planning to watch it soon.

    Speaking of which, can you review Kill the Irishman, Vern?

  73. – Stu

    I know, that`s why I suggested he did some more like that and his Yojimbo/A fistfull of dollars/Last man standing reviews.

  74. @Griff: I think at some point the writer said something like “Don’t worry you guys, I’m totally gonna keep it R-Rated cause I respect the CONAN franchise so much!” so that the Internet would calm down. Then a producer was like “hey, that’s a cute idea, but I’m spending a hundred million dollars on this, so it’s gonna be family friendly whether the Internet likes it or not, thank you very much”.

    Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t remember seeing any decapitation or severed limb or even a single drop of blood in the teasers/trailers/etc. So if there is no real violence in the movie, I can’t imagine that there’s gonna be boobies.

    It’s ok. 3D boobies enthusiasts like you and me will always have Piranha 3D.

  75. Knox Harrington

    May 9th, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Finally watched Fast Five today. Really enjoyed it, even though I think it came dangerously close to crossing that line between brilliantly absurd and just plain stupid. Actually, it did cross that line a few times.

    One thing I didn’t like at all though was (SPOILER! WATCH OUT!) that mid-credits “surprise scene” where Eva Mendes tells Dwayne that Michelle Rodriguez is still alive. Sorry, but that was a little lame. Are all movies turning into goddamn soap operas these days. Isn’t that what TV is for? “She’s dead!” “No, she’s alive! Just like Gandalf!”

    Guess I’m getting fed up with how movies can’t just stand on their own anymore. Everything has to be part of a series. I know it’s a silly complaint since Fast and Furious is, you know, a franchise. But shouldn’t these stories come to an end eventually? A few decades from now James Bond won’t be the only franchise with dozens of films in its back catalogue. There will be tons of them: Fast and Furious, Saw, Harry Potter, Twilight (you better believe there will be more of those), Bourne, Transporter, Transformers, Terminator, Iron Man, X-men, every other superhero out there, Shrek. Can you imagine a world with dozens of Shrek movies? Because that’s the future, my friend.

    When was the last time a franchise came to a satisfying end and that was that? No more sequels. No spin-offs. Just “Well, that’s it. Thanks for watching. Now go find something else.”

  76. Now that he’s doing more EXPENDABLES, I think Stallone has accepted the fact that there shouldn’t be a FIRST BLOOD: JOHN RAMBO KILLS AGAIN, or a ROCKY BALBOA: THE ITALIAN STALLION. So I guess you could count ROCKY and RAMBO for now. Of course they’ll get reboots in 10 years but until then, that’s 2 franchises that came to a satisfying end.

  77. “Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t remember seeing any decapitation or severed limb or even a single drop of blood in the teasers/trailers/etc. So if there is no real violence in the movie, I can’t imagine that there’s gonna be boobies.”
    It wasn’t a redband trailer though, so what do you expect? Also the guy playing Conan, Jason Momoa says “We start off with Conan like this pirate thief, kind of charming and banging all kinds of ladies. He’s just self-interested”.
    Even if they do tone it down, I could see them double dipping with an uncut version on DVD.
    Knox- Wait until 20 years from now when they REBOOT the Fast and the Furious series, and people of our generation complain that the new guy playing O’Conner doesn’t say “Bro” enough, and think using hovercars ruins the purity of the original’s chase scenes.

  78. and of course the shark will still look fake

  79. Sorry, I just forgot that you guys had that redband/all audiences thing over there.
    Still, when they spend that much money on a movie they tend to go for a PG13 rating, don’t they? It’s not like it’s a $30M comedy.

  80. Knox Harrington

    May 9th, 2011 at 9:32 am

    You’re right, Toxic. Rocky Balboa and John Rambo are two very good examples (damn, I love those movies).

    Yeah, O’ Conner’s “Bro” is like McClane’s “Yippee Ki-yay”. Did he even say Bro once in Fast Five? Think I heard him call someone Dog once.

  81. Knox Harrington

    May 9th, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Speaking of Die Hard, I was recently quite shocked to find out that there are tales of John McClane outside the realm of cinema. Apparently there’s this comic book called Die Hard: Year One and it tells the story of McClane as a rookie cop back in the 70’s.

    There’s even a picture of him sporting a hairdo like the one my dad still has (think Daniel Craig in Munich). Really fucking strange.

  82. The only movie i ever wrote Vern an email to review is A PROPHET and you still haven’t done it.

    Figgured a french badass movie about a young kid rising the ranks in prison might be right up your alley.
    It still has a 8.0 imdb rating after 22.000 votes.


    ” As Epic as THE GODFATHER. A Must See ” – The Times

    Give it a try.

  83. Un prophète is good stuff, definitely worthy of a 7 or 8 out of 10, but it didn’t quite rock my world like it did to some critics. The Nas song scene hit hard, the intensity of dude’s first kill is some hardcore prison not-afraid-to-go-gay shit, and the sidewalk/SUV hit in broad daylight is very memorable. Paul’s gonna love that slo-mo.

    Un prophète is a good bit better than, for example, the Mesrine films, in my opinion, so that should get Vern’s attention.

    Oddly, I put it at the top of my NetFlix DVD queue for no reason other than that I happened to have just seen & really enjoyed THE BEAT THAT MY HEART SKIPPED. Then, like 2 weeks later, all these critics were popping up on the internet telling me Un prophète was, like, one of the top 8 films of the year.

    The director, Jacques Audiard, is 2 for 2 from what I’ve seen, and I’ll be checking his older stuff ASAP.

  84. IN BRUGES is good enough but wraps up way too neatly. It was too clever for its own good. It’s not bad and I have a friend who adores it, but I don’t understand the hyperbole over it.

    I also really enjoyed A Prophet. Again, it’s one of those films I enjoyed but wasn’t as good to me as it should have been because some well meaning friends talked it up to much.

    One movie I do get nuts in love with is VALHALLA RISING. I emailed Vern about it but seriously, he should review it. It’s like GHOST DOG with Vikings instead of Forrest Whitacker. I hope I can ruin VALHALLA RISING like my friends ruined IN BRUGES and A PROPHET.

    Speaking of GHOST DOG I remember a local comic store having an RPG of it. I need to go check it out again to see if it’s still there. I kind of want to own it now.

    I liked THOR. I didn’t care for the spectacle or the imagery. I mean, it was good but I was too impressed with the acting, character development, and drama. It could have been a much smaller movie and I would have liked it just as much.

    Why bother with an EXPENDABLES sequel? Stallone would be better off being the villain in 7HE FAS7 AND 7HE FURIOUS. Or Paul Walker’s dad. MAYBE BOTH??? Seriously, FAST FIVE did what the EXPENDABLES wanted to do but a thousand times better.

    I like Zach Snyder. I have yet to see SUCKER PUNCH but his other means have been decent to good. I don’t understand the hatred of him, though. Nerds are awful.

    My best friend remarked to me last year that for years I had dated variations on the same woman. They were all quirky and had big gum lines shown when they smile. It’s true! So, yeah, you could tell my ex girlfriends by that. If you see a girl with a gummy smile and with a hand made eco friendly purse there’s a good chance she’s an ex of mine. They were all sweet girls, though, so treat them nice.

    You guys are the best. I’ve been lurking here for a while. I hope my awful comments don’t make this site too much worse.


  85. Apparently a pastor lies about having a Navy SEALS he never had, taking inspiration from UNDER SIEGE and Steven Seagal.


  86. I saw A PROPHET and I liked it, but it’s not fresh enough on my mind to write about. Most brutal prison stabbing I’ve seen in a movie, I remember that much. I thought it was very well made but not all-time classic stuff like the hype was at the time. I guess I’m more of a MESRINE man.

  87. Also, the new Beastie Boys album is rad. I like it a lot more than To The Five Boroughs. It’s not as great as the classic trinity of Paul’s Boutique / Check Your Head / Ill Communication but I’d put it up next to Hello Nasty! in terms of quality.

    I’m usually a death metal kind of guy but I’ve been on a real big Beastie Boys kick and I’ve recently rediscovered the Wu Tang Clan.

    Man, I can’t wait for the Man with an Iron Fist.

  88. for any gamers here, is anyone getting excited for LA Noire coming out soon?

    it’s been in development for like 6 years or something and I remember the debut trailer was first shown in early 2007

    for the uninitiated it’s basically a James Ellroy game, where you play as a police detective in late 40’s LA and solve crimes based supposedly on stuff that really happened

  89. Knox Harrington

    May 10th, 2011 at 5:31 am

    The one thing about L.A. Noire that has me interested is the Mad Men influence. Apparently some of the writers on the show helped write the game. Also, some of the cast from Mad Men are in the game. Looks like one classy game.

    Anyone else hear about the potential cast of Django Unchained? At the moment it looks like Will Smith, Christoph Waltz and Sam Jackson. About time Smith got back to making good movies. Ali was too long ago.

  90. Not trying to start a war here Casey, but considering Vern thought BRONSON was just okay, I can’t imagine that he would enjoy VALHALLA RISING more. It’s more pretentious and it’s the same kind of “Hey don’t you think that my main character is awesome? You know, cause he beats the crap out of a lot of dudes for no specific reason and that’s basically all he does but who needs character development or motivation” deal, except at least that Charlie Bronson guy had some charm to him, while Mr One Eye Muddy Face is just some caveman who beats up and chops up people in a “Visit Scotland” postcard. Oh and he drinks water in slow motion I guess. Sure the cinematography is really pretty but the fights are really poorly filmed, and you don’t want that in a movie that’s all about “My man here sure can fight a lot”. Unless you consider that the movie also really says meaningful things about Nature and Religion (SPOILERS Nature: good, Religion: bad)

    Then again, who knows, maybe I’m totally wrong and he’d love it. Sorry, it’s just that I hated that movie so much, I couldn’t keep it to myself.

  91. Knox Harrington – I’ll care about NOIRE when PSN gets back on-line.

    ~Sony’s incompetence leading up, during, and the PR handling of that PSN shut down/hacking has got to be in the Top 10 fiascos ever in the video game industry.

  92. RRA, is there expected to be multiplayer for Noire? It sounds too linear for that, unless they’re going to cut out what makes the gameplay unique. Then again, more of anything is still more.

  93. Conan is going to be R rated. There has been several behind the scenes pictures with a lot of nudity. There was a scene where Conan is in a village and all of the women are topless. Even the ugly ones. Marcus Nispel also said in the Conan article in Empire that it was going to be R. I’m pretty sure Lions Gate knows that most of the cash they will earn will come from Europe and the rest of the world as films like Troy, Alexander and Kingdom of Heaven did a hole lot better in the rest of the world, then America.

    I’m not that big fan or The Transporter, mostly because it feels like half of the second act has been cut out. The first act is cool, and ends with him getting a new car and ending up a woman he doesn’t know what to do. 10 minutes later you got the attack of his house, and you think it’s awesome. But after they go to the office and met her father act 2 suddenly just end, by him being hit in the head and arrested. There is no big mid point action scene, or an all is lost action scene at the end of act 2. They just jump straight into act 3, something that also was the case with Transporter 2, but not Transporter 3. Finally they understand how to make a script with a mid point and an all is lost moment, before giving us the third act big final. Transporter 3 was a lot better on paper then the others films. Too bad Megaton blew it up crappy editing and composition and lifeless performance. Is just too much to ask for to get 2 action scenes in act 1, one in the beginning and one in the end, then get 3 in act 2, and then get a big one in act 3 (or three smaller one like James Cameron likes to do).

  94. sorry if this has been brought up already, but THIS GUY


    “Shipley said Moats’ story about being re-assigned to kitchen duty and about being waterboarded were lifted from the Steven Seagal movie “Under Siege,” while his reference to being hit by SEAL instructors was vintage “GI Jane.” “

  95. there’s no Multiplayer for LA Noire

    and yeah that PSN deal is a shitstorm for the ages

    thank God I never got around to buying anything on there

  96. http://www.deadline.com/2011/05/how-would-aliens-fare-against-dinosaurs-barry-sonnenfeld-aims-to-find-out/

    Dinosaurs vs. Aliens. No kidding.

    Make a list of 100 random protagonists, pick 2 out of the hat. “X vs. Y”. This is Hollywood creativity.

    It would make an interesting “6 degrees of Kevin Bacon” game though:

    “for 200 points, connect Ninjas to Cowboys in under 3 movie titles or overarching move theme”

    “ninjas v aliens”… “cowboys v aliens!”

    200 points!

    “dude, what about the ninjas and cowboys movie from 2010?”

    double 200 points!

  97. Oh well, it’s still better than the flood of “historical characters and their secret life as demon hunters” books and movies, that come out these days.

  98. “for 2,000 points, connect angelina jolie to aaliyah”

    umm… “wanted” …bekmambatov… “abraham lincoln, yampire hunter”… vampires… “blade” …snipes… “demolition man” …stallone… “the expendables” …li… “romeo must die”


    6 steps, too long

  99. Dude, Vampires —> QUEEN OF THE DAMNED! Bamn, there you are!

  100. Ghost:

    I prefer my action films to have action scenes when it is motivated by the story and characters. Yes, a big midpoint action scene is cool, but the way you spell that all out makes me feel queasy. Like you’re missing the forest through the trees, man. I mean, I just watched A Clockwork Orange last night and there are 4 action scenes in act one, a character based moment at the midpoint, and no real “action” scenes in act 3. But at the same time, the entire movie is a palindrome. Everything that happens in act one up through the moment he goes to prison is repeated in after he is left out. Good screenwriting is a lot more complex and nuanced than you’re letting on there.

    Also, we shouldn’t have this discussion predicated upon The Transporter films, because the writing in them was never the star. The Choreography was.

  101. Jareth Cutestory

    May 10th, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Toxic: I don’t know if we are supposed to watch a film like VALHALLA RISING with the usual set of character expectations that we’d bring to something like EXPENDABLES. I see the film as more of an allegory than a straight narrative, populated more by expository figures than actual characters. It’s sort of like complaining that we don’t get to know the characters in Kubrick’s 2001.

    I don’t really know if that was the intention behind the film. The existential paranoia really worked for me, and the filmatism was intoxicating. It was like a Bosch painting. I’ll let better minds than mine decide whether or not that is pretentious.

  102. ding, ding, ding!

    cj holden wins the extended challenge round ;-)

  103. Jareth: the thing is, as I started watching VALHALLA RISING, I really didn’t have any expectations at all, other than “It’s going to be about Vikings” and “It’s not going to be a cool, entertaining movie about Vikings like OUTLANDER, it’s more like your arthouse Viking movie”. I certainly wasn’t expecting EXPENDABLES or BEOWULF MEETS THE UFC, and I think I can accept an arthouse movie about Vikings, but I just didn’t “get” that particular one. It just seemed to me that, just like for BRONSON, the director was just fascinated by his protagonist because he was such a badass and really wanted the audience to think Mute Muddybeard was fascinating too, except he forgot to give him any interesting character trait or to make his feats look awesome.

  104. Casey when was the last time you really fucked with the Wu prior to getting back into them recently? and what have you heard from the more recent stuff? cause I may just have some ill recommendations.

  105. I can definitely see your perspective on VALHALLA RISING, Toxic. I can’t even give you a coherent defense of the film.

    It was completely hypnotic to me and grabbed my attention and didn’t let it go. I think the movie is less BRONSON and more GHOST DOG, though. It’s Vern’s love of GHOST DOG that made me think he would enjoy it.

    I really can’t refute your points. I agree with Jareth in that it’s more like a painting. I can understand how someone does not appreciate Guernica but it works for me.

    VALHALLA RISING is like a Terrence Malick film with Vikings. I’m not a Terrence Malick fan, all of his movies have really bored me, but VALHALLA RISING just had something that really kept me enthralled.

    No worries about a war, Toxic. I think I understand your perspective but I think it’s just an instance where it had an emotional resonance that it didn’t for you. Nothing to get upset about. Hell, if I got upset at people who disagreed with me I’d never get along with anyone for my general dislike of Tarantino, Blade Runner, Dark Knight, and Inception while I harbor a great amount of love for Fast Five, Speed Racer, and Starship Troopers.

  106. First time commenting on Vern’s site. I love this place, and I visit daily.

    A few points…
    1) I emailed Vern about the not-on-DVD “Exposure” (aka “A Grande Arte”) last year, and I hope he finds time to review that. Peter Coyote is a photographer in Rio who finds out a local prostitute has been killed, but when he investigates, they knife up his girlfriend. So he decides to get revenge by going underground and learning to knife-fight from Tcheky Kayro. It’s the first film from Walter Salles (“The Motorcycle Diaries” and the upcoming “On The Road”) and it’s super pulpy, like an action-y giallo. The very first shot is slow pullback from a dead body in a bed to realize she’s on something like the 80th floor of a giant skyscraper in Rio. Also, one of the coolest trailers ever, and the hotness of Amanda Pays. It’s a MUST.

    2) I just saw The Big Bang, that IS getting a theatrical release on Friday, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Anchor Bay engagement before a DVD release in the states on the 24th. It’s… well, shit, it’s terrible. Sam Elliot spends the movie looking like Edgar Winters. Snoop Dogg plays a porn producer named Puss. The giant from Sherlock Holmes gets waaaay too many lines. James Van Der Beek tag teams groupies with a midget. Jimmi Simpson in drag. It’s a YouTube treasure trove, but an absolute chore to sit through.

    3) We DO see Seagal’s body get shot out of the plan and into the air for a brief moment in Executive Decision. He’s a CGI blur. It’s very weird, but it’s there. The speed suggests he did not survive the fall. Then again, Seagal.

    4) “The Losers” is the very definition of, “Oh, it’s a Sunday, and this is starting on FX, and we’re 20 minutes in.” To some, that is not a recommendation. To me it is!

  107. “I can understand how someone does not appreciate Guernica but it works for me.”

    Really, because I can’t. How do you not like Guernica (okay, like is a strong word for a 30 foot long mural of genocide) it’s one of the most utterly hypnotic and totally punk rock things ever made.

  108. About that dinosaurs vs. aliens thing. Yeah, the concept sounds dumb and hollywood lazy, but I see it’s going to be written by Grant Morrison, so I expect a few insane twists and features to it(insane by the standards of a dinosaurs vs. aliens movie that is). Grant Morrison once wrote a comic called WE3, which was basically HOMEWARD BOUND…but the animals are part cyborg experimental government soldiers…and from what I hear, it’s fantastic!

  109. WE3 is definitely one of his bests which considering how many classics Morrison has in the comic book medium that says quite a lot.

  110. Oh since apparently I’m stereotyped as only caring about money and box-office (damn you Mouth/Mr. Majestyk) around here, some good news: HOT SAUCE COMMITTEE dropped in at #2 on Billboard.

    *happy dance*

  111. Hey Broddie, sorry I missed your comment before!

    It’s been a few years. Probably a decade. Right now I’m just going through their albums chronologically and giving them a good listen for a few weeks before getting the next. It’s been really awesome so far. I’m even diving into a lot of the side projects I missed.

    I originally got into them back in the mid 90s when I was in school in Norfolk. A few months ago I heard Da Mystery of Chessboxin’ and remembered really enjoying the hell out of the Wu and decided to start listening to them again. I even went out and saw them when they played up here in DC a few months ago.

    I’ve been listening to The W and Iron Flag lately. I’m also liking Digital Bullet.

    Any recommendations you have would be awesome! Thanks a lot for helping out.

    I’ve also been listening to some Australian grind. Fuck…I’m Dead and Intense Hammer Rage are pretty brutal. I’ve also been listening to a lot of Sigh recently. Their Imaginary Sonicscape is really one of the best albums I’ve ever heard. I saw them live a few years ago in Baltimore and there were maybe 4 people at the venue but they still put on a killer show.

    But, yeah, thanks man!

  112. Well Casey DIGITAL BULLET was disappointing I must say. The first Bobby Digital album was way better. However when it comes to the post-IRON FLAG stuff RZA does have an album called BIRTH OF A PRINCE that was pretty good and made up for DIGITAL BULLET’s missteps.

    Then you have GZA’s PRO TOOLS as well as his collabo album GRANDMASTERS featuring DJ Muggs from Cypress Hill on the boards. that were both quite solid. Masta Killa’s NO SAID DATE is probably the closest any Wu solo album ever got to recapturing that 36 CHAMBERS vibe, very good stuff. Method Man has the solid 4:21…THE DAY AFTER which was his best solo album since TICAL. As well as BLACKOUT!2 with Redman which isn’t a bad sequel album.

    Speaking of sequel albums; Raekwon’s ONLY BUILT 4 CUBAN LINX…2 is highly regarded as a modern classic. I don’t personally think so I think it’s a bit overrated. Many critics and rap fans would be like “how dare you!!!”. Even though I did like it I don’t think anything could ever top the original. That’s probably along with DEATH CERTIFICATE and IT TAKES A NATION… the greatest rap album ever in my eyes. So maybe my expectations for part 2 were too high but if you ask me his follow up to that one which is titled SHAOLIN VS. WU-TANG is just as solid as CUBAN LINX…2 at least I slightly prefer it anyway.

    Ghostface had a great Double KO of bangers with THE PRETTY TONEY ALBUM and FISHSCALE so those are also worth looking into when it comes to post-IRON FLAG stuff. Many people didn’t like the IRON FLAG follow up 8 DIAGRAMS much. They didn’t really feel it cause RZA really branched out and expanded his sound beyond the typical “Wu” audio scope. If you’re a fan of different genres which I’m sure like any respectful music fan you definitely are though I think you’d appreciate it.

  113. I ain’t gonna say much about the overall output of Wu & Ghostface Killa & et cetera, but I gotsta say, I’m totally in love with at least this one song since it came out 5 years ago:


    That shit is some untouchable hot fire, and the fact that it came out on the FM just makes it even more hard.

  114. Oh damn Mouth, I thought it was gonna be this one:


    I gotta admit the Ne-Yo song is one of the ones I skip over. And I didn’t even know that was Ne-Yo, who gives Flo-Rida, Chamillionaire and Rappin’ 4-Tay a run for the money in the “dorkiest nickname of all time” competition. I like the harder shit I guess. But I’m glad somebody likes those R&B crossover songs since they’ve been sticking them on every hip hop album of the past 10-15 years.

    Did you get his love song album? It actually has a couple great songs and maybe you’d like the R&B shit I can’t handle. Also it has a brilliantly convoluted title: Ghostface Killah Presents Ghostdini Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City.

  115. I’m not gotta lie, I just listened to that Ne-Yo feature, and I could barely make it through. Vern’s suggestion is much better, imo.

  116. Now, now, let’s not go & call “Back Like That” soft, Vern. You heard the lyrics? The delivery? I think it hits hard. Like I said, it’s especially hard for a widely radio-released track. Okay, I admit I’m guilty of supporting the “token R&B flavor track or 2” that’s been diminishing the purity of great rappers’ output of, indeed, the last 10-15 years. But let’s admit that those are the songs that often have the hottest videos, what with the female contributions and whatnot.

    Yeah, I do enjoy that Ghostdini LP alright, even though it’s marked as much by what could have been as it by its success, in my opinion. For example, Fabolous came off sleepy as hell, like a Dr. Dre after too many blunts trying to back up Eminem on “Guilty Conscience” on one of the last gasping stops of the old Up In Smoke tour. Used to be, I see a Fab guest verse on the line-up, I get excited. But it’s hit & miss.

    [Here’s my favorite Fabolous off the top of my head, mainly from 1:30 to 1:42 and then the scratching at the end:
    and then there’s this gem, though he doesn’t have the best lines (That’d be ‘I’m the best hands down like 6:30’)]:

    And perhaps y’all don’t remember, but I declared Raheem Devaughn’s THE LOVE & WAR MASTERPEACE the 2nd best album of 2010. So yeah, I love that R&B Ghostdini, on which Raheem does his thing for a couple songs, and I’m happy to report that Raheem also gave us one of my favorite songs ever:


  117. Knox Harrington

    May 11th, 2011 at 2:28 am

    I think I’d kill someone to see a We3 movie directed by David Cronenberg. No, I wouldn’t kill someone. I’d probably go so far as sexually assault or something.

  118. Tawdry Hepburn

    I the end it was really the action that was the problem. In Terminator 2 the mid point is when the film slows down. Maybe problem is there is no valley and peaks. They seem to jump true to the most interesting conflict in the Transporter film. I just feel that there is something missing when the act 1 is 30 minutes long, act 2 is 30 minutes long and then you have 20 minutes long act 3. I feel Terminator, Lethal Weapon films, Aliens, Die Hard is so much better with the high and lows. Transporter becomes action porn because of the poor script and structure.

    I think all the best action films are made with tight structure. I think the worst you see they jump over several plot points. I feel if they would space out the action more and develop the characters and relationship and really build the relationship between the hero and the villain the film would be easy. Die Hard could jump straight into a 3 act after the police attacked. But they didn’t like the Transporter did and instead they build up the action and the characters, and we got a powerful ending and third act. Transporter didn’t and we got a poor action film. With four cool action scenes, the opening car chase, Frank goes back for payback, the attack of the house and garage fight. I don’t think is too much to ask for a couple more good action scenes, when you go to see an action film.

    In the end I think the Transporter only jumps over one plot point and that is the mid point. When Frank gets arrested that’s the low point. The all is lost. Okay, a lot of films have crappy all is action scenes like Blade trinity so I can forgive that, but I can’t forgive just jumping over the powerful mid point with is suppose to be the opposite of the all is lost.

    I think if you look at the action films you love and the action films you dislike you start to find a pattern for why you like something. It doesn’t need to have 6 action scenes, but it does need to have plot points. Just look at films like Lethal Weapon. Not much action there, but it got some good mid point and low points, in the house being blown up and they know they deal with special force soldier, and the low point in Riggs getting shot and the kidnapping of Murtaugh’s daughter. Some might call the attack of the house a mid point, but I think it comes to close to be consider a good midpoint. Kinda like with Jonah Hexx sucks so much. It goes too fast, and doesn’t develop much.

    I starting to regret what I written, but the main point is study the action films you like and find the reason why you like it. Good action scenes are fine, but there is also plot, character and structure. And I think if the film had worked more on that it would worked better.Yes, for me Transporter 3 works better on a story and structure level. Too bad the action is terrible shot.

  119. Say, Vern, have you ever reviewed IMMORTAL COMBAT? It’s a 1994 DTV action flick starring the one and only Roddy Piper teamed with – get this – the one-er and only-er Sonny Chiba!

    Truth is, it’s cheesier than all hell, but it’s a lot of fun if watched in the right spirit.

    It’s also got Meg Foster in it so you even got a They Live reunion in there.

  120. So I saw HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN last night, there was a lot to like, but unfortunately I was left feeling a little underwhelmed. Maybe I am being unfair, and my reaction to the movie has been affected by unrealistic expectations generated by the buzz on the net, but I was a little disappointed. It works great as a tribute to the grindhouse genre films that influenced it and I thought it was a good film, but I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to. Huaer is great in it and he really carries the picture. He understand the type of film HOBO is and his performance is pitch perfect, and often adds a good deal of weight to scenes that would have fallen flat or come across as completely ridiculous in a lesser performers hands. One of the other highlights of the film is the bounty hunter duo of The Plague. They don’t have that much screen time but they are so awesome they flirt with stealing the film from Huaer. However, in the end there is barely enough movie to fill HOBO’s hour and twenty six minute runtime. This film even more then MACHETE felt like it struggled to stretch out a concept that made for a fun trailer into a feature length film. In some ways HOBO feels like NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY, THE LADIES MAN or any other SNL film where they unsuccessfully try to turn a 2 to 3 minute sketch into an feature length narrative. It is also an extremely sick and twisted film. For some that may be a plus and I don’t have a problem with sick and twisted, but HOBO is exhaustingly cruel and sadistic.

  121. Man, all this hip-hop and Wu talk, I need to catch up.

  122. Oh, god, Hobo With A Shotgun is BY FAR my favorite movie of the year. I loved every minute of it. And yes, it does get plenty sick and sadistic, and I loved it – it genuinely plays like a lost video nasty, something grotesque and forbidden, and sitting there in the theater brought me back to when I’d watch those sleazy, violent movies from god knows where in my house and I’d keep peering behind me to see if my mom caught me. The Canadian-ness certainly helps with that.

  123. I’m bored, you guys wanna hear a joke?

    ok so an old lady is in Church and she farts, she turns to her husband and says “I just farted and it SMELLS LIKE THE DEVIL! but it was silent so don’t worry”

    and the husband says “you need to get your hearing aid fixed because it wasn’t so silent”

  124. HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN was the most fun I’ve ever had in a theater. Period.

  125. Gabe & Darryll, I am glad you guys enjoyed HOBO so much, I wish I could say I liked it as much as you guys. Like I said in my post I really want to like it more, but in the end I only found it to be OK. I will say that the experience could have been enhanced if I had watched it in a theater with a good audience that got the genre that HOBO is playing in, but I watched in on demand with my brother in his home theater. His set up is really nice with a good HD projector, but there is something about seeing a film with a hot audience that really enhances the experience. Case and point I can remember seeing ID4 on opening day with a packed house and the crowed was so into the movie it really made the movie for me, but then a year or so later when I watched the movie on VHS at home by myself it sucked.

  126. Charles, The theater I saw it in had maybe 12 – 16 people in attendance but it was still a party. Afterward, folks were acknowledging each other with big goofy grins and laughter right out to the lobby. It was the best. HOBO should definitely be enjoyed with as many like-minded friends as possible and with as many beers as possible. I hope Vern takes this advice. For some reason I always picture him watching these things alone and then pondering them in solitude. Vern, I hope this is not the case. Gather your buddies together for HOBO. You’re gonna need to look at each other in awe and wonder at what you are witnessing.

  127. Darryll, there are a number of moments in HOBO were my brother and I both turned to each other with big grins on our faces. I especially liked when we got to see the Plague in action at the hospital, and (SPOILER) when Abby gets all badass and builds her shotgun/axe weapon and lawnmower shield. I am smiling right now just thinking about it.

    I have also wondered how Vern watches the majority of the films he reviews. I am sure he goes to the theater a lot but I imagine he often watches the movies he reviews alone at home. I say that because as I get older and have more responsibility it gets harder and harder to get out to see movies with my friends in the theater, and the more I find myself watching movies alone at home. The problem with that is, as much as I love my home theater setup, there is something lost when viewing a movie by yourself. Some films, more then others are best watched with an audience, but films in general are meant to be viewed as part of a communal experience. That is why I have always thought it was cool that Robert Rodriguez often adds an audience reaction audio track to most of his films when they are released on DVD, so even if you are at home by yourself or with just a friend or two you can add the audio from the Austin premier of the film and feel like you are experiencing the film in a packed theater with a rowdy crowd. However, I do have to confess that I have a personal bias toward the idea and feature, because I was part of the audience they recorded for the feature on the SIN CITY, GRINDHOUSE, and MACHETE DVD’s.

  128. Okay Folks, is it okay to discuss Tucker & Dale vs Evil? Of course, it seems the only way to see it are by “other means” which I think may go against the Serious Film Watcher’s Code, or something, however, the film-makers seem to be aware of this and accept donations from people who have managed to “obtain” it, which seems pretty cool to me. If the film can’t get distribution, acknowledging this sees a good way to get a little profit, while word of mouth spreads…

    And it should because it’s great! It really manages to twist the horror genre in far more entertaining ways than Scream managed. It deserves Shaun Of The Dead levels of fanboy hype.

    (Of course, if the film has already been talked about to death on here and I’ve missed it, I apologise).

  129. TUCKER & DALE got a limited release here in Germany a few months ago. It’s apparently coming out on DVD here soon. Since I first saw a trailer for it, it was on my watchlist. I also like Tyler Labine. (So CHUCK gets renewed again, but REAPER got cancelled after two seasons? That’s just sad.)

  130. I just checked out the TUCKER & DALE trailer. Looks hilarious. What’s the problem with the distribution?

  131. ThomasCrown442

    May 12th, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    I’m on the opposite side as Charles as far as movie setting. I feel, in order to review a movie objectively, you should watch the movie by yourself. Sometimes the crowd can cloud your judgement. A good crowd can make a movie seem better than it is and a bad crowd can make it seem worse. Yes, you do kind of miss out on the entire experience as far as the huge screen and what not but as long as you have a good home theater setup (and few distractions such as kids, etc.) viewing a movie at home, by yourself, is the best way to watch a movie (for review purposes). If its a good time you’re after by all means, see it with a crowd.

    It would be like trying to review a new brand of whiskey at a crowded bar with loud music playing vs. reviewing it at home where you are more likely to notice the subtleties. You would be able to let the taste wash over you and not be infuenced by the zillion distractions going on at a crowded bar (music, loud drunks, tits, etc.).

  132. ThomasCrown442, it really depends on the movie, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t bother watching a comedy by myself, no matter how good my home theater system. Some films require, as Charles so aptly put it, that “communal experience,” . We are social animals and the movies have, for the most part, always been a social art form. We enjoy watching them together, then comparing our experiences afterward. Granted, there are many films I’m quite happy to watch alone (ALIEN, VANISHING POINT, Kubrick films, David Lynch films) but my mode of thought is usually more analytical and introspective. This may be useful when preparing to review a film but it’s not the same experience.
    ROCKY III was one of my favorite theater experiences as a kid. It was fist pumping, cheerful fun but it’s just not the same at home. I remember, vividly, during RETURN OF THE JEDI, the entire theater breathing a deep collective breath following the speeder bike chase. Everyone was holding their breath. It was a magical, connective moment. I made out with a girl for the first time during FOOTLOOSE, surrounded by all my buddies. I was the fuckin’ king that night. Now, mind you, I might’ve gotten further than first base that night if we’d rented a video, but probably not. In fact, absolutely not. I’m pretty sure I had Kevin Bacon to thank for that one, at least in part.

  133. Charles, Darryll, Thomas, everyone, you all make good points. And thank you, Darryll, for somehow reminding me of my king-for-a-night night in the lobby & parking lot & later in Cynthia’s friend’s backseat on opening night of BRING IT ON, which is somehow less badass but as equally magical as FOOTLOOSE.

    Personally, my ideal is like Vern’s approach, or luck, when he watched BROOKLYN’S FINEST. https://outlawvern.com/2010/04/01/brooklyns-finest/ **You guys know I love DTV, but Wesley is too powerful for DTV. He’s not as good in those. I would’ve felt like an asshole if I missed a chance to see him projected again, so I went and saw it. And by the way, I’m the only person in Seattle who did that yesterday. It’s down to one show at one theater and I was the one guy who showed up that day.**

    Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless misanthrope, but there’s nothing better than solitude in a theatre auditorium when a good movie takes over my undivided attention.

  134. I’m gonna go call Cynthia.

  135. Yeah! Rekindle that flame, Mouth. Ask her if she wants to come over and watch BRING IT ON again.

  136. ThomasCrown442

    May 12th, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Or you can watch the sequels!

  137. Or THE SWINGING CHEERLEADERS, which is even better than BRING IT ON, in my opinion. Anyone know of any other great cheerleader movies besides those two? I’d seen Tarantino recommending THE POM POM GIRLS so I plan on getting around to that one. Any others worth checking out?

  138. I did not like Hobo With a Shotgun. The nonstop over the top sadism with no counterpoint became numbing and boring. I appreciated that they went hardcore with the beatings though. There were a few scenes where I totally thought they were gonna kill off the female lead.

    Also, there were two huge missed opportunities in the film.
    1: They showed the Plague fighting a giant squid monster just off screen. If you show the squid monster’s tentacles, you have to have the hero fight him! Come on! It’s almost like the makers of Hobo with a Shotgun haven’t read Chekhov’s theories on drama! (:P)
    2: At the end, they should have had like 30 money shots in a row. The Hobo shoots the badguy, then the cops shoot the hobo, then the crowd shoots the cops while the cops shoot the crowd. It would have been EPIC, instead it’s much too short.

  139. Careful with the spoilers there, Tawdry. We don’t want to ruin it for the American masses. Since you brought it up, though, I’ll just say the squid is not to be taken literally. HOBO is high surrealism and the squid is a huge wink and a nudge to the audience that this is all ridiculous. Especially considering it’s close proximity to the school bus scene. We’ll say no more about that, though.

    As to the ending. I would argue that here is a movie that knows to get out while the gettin’ is good. I was satisfied.

  140. curse my virginity, I’m major jealous of Mouth and Darryll now

    anyway I’m actually fine with watching movies by myself no matter what movie it is, I’ve seen a lot of movies in theaters, but I’ve seen so many great movies only at home and so many times that there are some movies I couldn’t imagine actually watching in a theater (although that’d be cool)

    of course it may have something to do with being an only child, when you’re an only child you get more accustomed to hanging out with yourself (I don’t mean that as a euphemism) and don’t get as lonely easily

  141. the potpourri is still on the main page and still no new posts?

    btw we seem to be under attack by spam bots

  142. I just noticed that I’ve been following Vern’s site steadily for a little over two years now (previously I was a fan of his on AICN, before I realized he had his own site)

  143. also, I’ve got some fantastic fucking news for you guys

    Citizen Kane, Conan The Barbarian, The Blues Brothers and Animal House are all coming to blu ray

    Animal House is a movie I’ve been wanting to see come out on blu ray for years

  144. Tawdry, it sounds like you and I had a similar reaction to HOBO. As I said in my original post I found the film to be exhaustingly cruel and sadistic. At some point (and that point had to be early in the film) it just wore me out, and I became indifferent to it. It was so sadistic that I just could not get invested in it, and as a result it really prevented me from enjoying HOBO.

  145. Amen, Brother Charles – Hobo should ahve been joyous and playful, but it was just ugly and hard going.

    I quite liked The Plague, though.

    BTW, people, ROLLING FUCKING THUNDER is coming to Blu-Ray.

    If you google it, you might want to remove the “fucking”.

  146. You know what would have been more entertainingly surreal than showing a squid just off screen? HAVING THE HERO FIGHT A FUCKING SQUID! That would have really underlined the surrealism and been a way cooler climax.

  147. Is HOBO more or less uncomfortable in terms of violence than WANTED? Because that was the first movie in years, that made me feel really dirty while watching it.

  148. CJ, HOBO is way more violent & gory then WANTED. However, it is not the violence it self that I had a problem with. What I really did not care for is how cruel the characters are and how awful they are to each other, that combined with the extreme violence wore me out.
    I would agree that both HOBO and WANTED are both cruel films, but as mean spirited and cruel as WANTED is it is no where near as cruel or sadistic as HOBO.

  149. PRIEST 3D: A tale of 2 films (spoiler-free as always, I promise):

    The 1st hour sucked. No sugar-coating. I regretted not going along with my girlfriend & her friends to “wedding plan” or “shop” or whatever the fuck they’ve been up to since we left the sushi bar. The filmatism is decent, but every shot & every scene is an unimaginative cliche, and it’s all made worse by the impending PG-13ness that you know will ruin and that indeed ruins any action scenes before they even get going. Also, out of nowhere, we learn that Mr. Priest can jump really high and, worse, jump down a dark pit with no discernible bottom without fear of injury. And we don’t even see him stick the landing. Does he have a Batman cape? Does he deploy a parachute & then PLF? Does he have super strong knees? And then after this shitty cheat of a cut, somehow Mr. Priest & the sadly unglamourized Maggie Q end up right next to their fellow protagonist, the guy who just a minute before had been left in a place like 400 feet above where Mr. Priest landed. It makes absolutely no sense.

    Also, the [tattoo?] cross on Paul Bettany’s face changes complexion every other scene.

    Then there’s the other film I saw today after I bought a ticket for PRIEST 3D. The climax to PRIEST 3D. From the moment of the movie’s first decent use of the 3rd visual dimension until the last shot, it’s actually a pretty good action movie. The evil guy has a mega moment, there’s floating sparks involved, the good guys finally succintly articulate why we should give a shit about anything, and the momentum of the narrative very suddenly matches the velocity of the speeding train that serves as the centerpiece of a relatively impressive climax.

    So I advocate watching a better movie and then sneaking into the last 30 minutes of PRIEST 3D. Or maybe doing drugs and then reading the PRIEST funny papers.

  150. yeah, Priest is based on a Korean manga I believe, I first heard they were doing a movie of it ages ago

    I also remember reading a looooong time ago that there was going to be a live action Astro Boy movie, which eventually materialized into a less risky CGI movie

  151. wait a minute, it might have a manga done by an American guy who was of Korean descent, or something like that

    anyway it reminds me heavily of the anime (and manga) Trinity Blood, which also has bad ass Nuns in it

  152. after checking Wikipedia, it is indeed a Korean manga, it’s also a lot older than I thought it would be (starting in 1998)

  153. I am still awaiting a THE MARINE 3 starring John Cena, returning as Triton. Also returning is Robert Patrick as twinbrother to Rome. but his name is Paris. I don´t care about the plot as long as it´s as ridicoulous as the first. The second movie was shit, even if it was technically better,too damn generic and not as fun.

    They had a real chance of creating a stupid but fun franchise,then ruining it. Hopefully, a third installment can make it right.

  154. I’m not gonna review it ’cause I don’t usually like writing about comedies, but I wanted to say something about BRIDESMAIDS in case any of you are gonna see it. I thought it was pretty good, some funny parts, some relatable parts, some likable flawed characters. The crowd I saw it with seemed to love it, especially the dumbest parts (shitting, a fat person eating a giant sandwich).

    But if anybody’s planning on seeing it please get the hyperbolic reviews out of your mind. I think this is that KICK-ASS thing where all the people on the internet all saw it at some magical screening at SxSW where some sort of psychotropic gas was pumped in that made it seem like a powerful life-changing experience that they had to evangelize about for the rest of their lives.

    Also they’re making way too big of a deal about gender, both in the marketing and the reviews. Of course fucking men can see it, it’s not like women refuse to see all the other movies that aren’t about women. It’s great to see women in roles that Kate Hudson could never play, but it’s not anything revolutionary. The standout character is the fat lady and that’s good but they still give her a few “look at the funny fatty” jokes. Just less than in most movies.

    Also this is unscientific but I saw it with two women and neither of them liked it very much.

  155. I never heard of BRIDESMAIDS, so I got no idea what hype you are talking about. (ATTACK THE BLOCK on the other hand…)

    Also I just did some googleing about that movie and I guess that “Fat Lady” is Melissa McCarthy, who always is a scene stealer, both in funny and dramatic roles. Unfortunately because of her weight, she doesn’t get much chances to play anything else than “the best friend” or “the funny fatty” or both. Right now she is in one of those unfunny Chuck Lorre sitcoms. (The one where fat people sit on chairs that break down under their weight, but the writers still claim that they are not making fun of them.)

  156. Seeing “Attack the Block” this week for sure. Aliens attack a London council estate? Sounds epic. Plus I haven’t seen such a familiar location in film since “Human Traffic” (if you look at the pan at the end of the movie, you can actually see where I used to live when this film was made).

    BUT I come with a different sort of review. Just saw the Ukranian film “Silent House”. This is the film that was famously filmed in one single take, “Blair Witch”-style, on handheld video camera. A girl and her father are buying a house from their friend. Nobody’s been in the house for a long time. The friend, rather ambiguously, warns them not to go upstairs. They hear strange noises, and one of them disobeys that advice. Then the shitstorm starts. This is a slow-burn film, so don’t expect an action-fest; but if you come in the mood to see something a bit more psychologically affecting, this is a brilliant movie to watch. I saw it in my local arts centre, subtitled in English.

    I have to say that this is one of the most genuinely scary films I’ve seen for a LONG time. All of the nasty stuff happens offscreen, the camera constantly follows the daughter (Laura) as she begins to discover exactly what’s going on. A lot of the film is shot in darkness, and if you’re going to do that, this is the way to do it. It’s sort of the anti-“Buried” (which you may remember I reviewed on this very site, calling it a pandering, moronic, manipulative piece of shit that has the audience stuck in a coffin with an unlikeable arsehole for two hours, and my most disliked film of last year.)

    The film is shown completely from Laura’s perspective, but occasionally the camera stops showing us what she’s looking at, and turns the audience into voyeurs. Both times it works very well. It also has one of the most disturbing “happy” endings I’ve seen for a long time. Some people don’t like the ending, but I thought it was masterful. Also, when the credits start to roll, the film isn’t over. DON’T leave until you’ve seen the last scene. You’ll know what I mean when it comes.

    Remember I said about “Kairo” that it perfectly portrayed the fear of being along in the dark with something that wants to do you harm? Well, this film does as well.

    If you see a screening of “Silent House” anywhere near you, especially one subtitled (I haven’t seen it dubbed but I can’t imagine it would be improved, although there’s not that much dialogue anyway) and you’re into slow-burn horror movies, this is an excellent example. It’s not that well-known but has an excellent and well-deserved reputation. See this movie!

  157. man, you went with TWO women? damn, Vern is a pimp

  158. Hey Vern, I couldn’t find your review for ALIENS, which I rewatched today, and I considered posting this comment on the PREDATOR thread for some reason, but then out of respect I have abstained from busting that cherry, but I gotta ask the Verniverse here, does anyone else find it fucked up that Ripley totally unnecessarily (SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERforoneofthebestactionbadassfilmsofcinemaofthelast25.5yearsSPOILER) wrecks the baby batch of big bitch Alien mom?

    Ripley had a truce going with the lil alien henchmen off to the side, and it looked like big mama was vulnerable and willing to let her walk out, no questions asked no bullets fired no acid blood sprayed. And Ripley was on her way, backing up out the door with Newt, with the countdown getting closer & closer to point of unlikely return, but then she got all flamey and torched the fuck out of the helpless surrendering big mama alien’s lil egg kids, yo! Whiskey Tango Fuck?

    So, the ending of ALIENS is not a happy one, and it is neither pro-Marines nor pro-android, and neither pro-human nor pro-life, in my opinion. I bet the Pope disapproves.

    Not that it excuses the many terrible sequels, but on some level I’m glad the sequels are happening b/c mama Alien didn’t deserve to go out like that. She was just doing her evolutionary imperative, protecting her kids, et cetera.

    Also, I could do more chin-ups than Vasquez.

  159. oh and in major news, the ghetto robots from TRANSFORMERS 2 won’t return for #3.


    ~Don’t worry about Mr. Majestyk. He’s quietly sobbing in the corner. He’ll be back to awesome normal in the morning.

  160. http://www.filmlinc.com/film-comment/article/never-the-twain-shall-meet

    A great article, an article about everything that we’ve ever considered as art critics and as acolytes or contributors to OutlawVern.

    From about 1/3 of the way through the piece until about the next to next to next to last paragraph, Bordwell seems to want to look backward toward earlier 20th century (and also understandably to highlight the origin of film criticism’s influence on academia & vice versa), but in most of the article it is incredibly easy (and correct, I would argue) for us to plug in the name, ideas, & ideals of our favorite specialized cinephile and see that Vern’s approach is well defined & beautifully articulately passionately defended by Mr. David Bordwell.

    You have to read somewhat between the lines, Vern, but you, sir, have just been validated by a slightly more respected critic.

    What’s crazy is that this Bordwell article, which obviously is months in the making and went through multiple editors on its way to publication, is only barely the equal of any given tri-weekly OutlawVern review in terms of being a transcendent statement on the world of film & film criticism.

  161. Mouth: Don’t worry, I got a review:


    RRA: Capone reviewed it on Ain’t It Cool, he said they were in it but toned down. Then again if it’s anything like the other two movies it would be hard to tell which characters are in it so he probly just saw something shiny that looked like a gold tooth.

  162. Damnation, why didn’t I think to look at the “related posts” of AVATAR?

    Though the search function here should be more intuitive, this is a sad day for my web detective abilities. {hangs head, single tear drop}

  163. Vern – Oh OK thanks.

  164. What, no more love for “Silent House”? I can’t be the only one who’s seen it.


  165. It will be out on DVD over here next month. I’ll try to check it out then.

  166. Mouth – I can see Bordwell’s point. There’s definitely a difference between theory-driven academic criticism, that is suspicious of film and the social conditions that created it; and evaluation-driven cinephile criticism. I’d like to think that I personify both in my own amateur way though (I studied film as part of my degree, including postmodern, feminist and other interpritations of film; but it’s not something I usually focus on in my reviews, although I can do so if the film warrants it).

    Vern, RRA, and Mouth – So we have a second sequel to a film that I thought was beyond bad, which the “fan”-sided critics are saying is a big improvement over the previous two. This sounds horribly familiar. The last time I ignored all of my sceptical instincts and went to see a film like this, I ended up suffering through one and a half hours of shit, culminating in that fucking lava-surfing scene that has come to epithomise everything that’s wrong with big dumb CGI-driven blockbusters to me. Never again, thanks!

  167. Capone’s review clarifies that the actual “twins” are not in TF3, but there’s NEW jive-talking robots instead. Oh joy.

    Paul – thank you. I maintain to this day that Episode III is the “worst” of the prequels and I have no idea why so many people said it was such an improvement over the first two. At least Episode I had the amazing fight at the end and a pretty good race sequence. Episode II’s entire last 45 minutes was wall-to-wall action, and the stuff with Anakin killing the sand people was surprisingly powerful. But there was NOTHING to recommend about Episode III. It was like a giant checklist of “shit we need to have happen before this series ends” culminating in TWO CGI fights where we already know the outcome to both of them. And say what you will about Jar Jar Binks – he’s fucking terrible but I think any supposed fans of “mega-acting” on here can appreciate how terrible he is, if that makes any sense.

  168. Neal – Agree on ep. 3 but I think this is an argument that doesn’t need to happen. I was making an example, that’s all!

    Vern – sorry, didn’t mean to start a “Star Wars” thing going.

    SEE “SILENT HOUSE”. (If I put this at the end of every post, maybe people will get it hard-wired into their brains.)


  169. One more thing about EPISODE III: I guess it’s very obvious that fanboys loved it, because it was daaaaaaaaaark. I mean, ROTJ had Ewoks, ROTS had dead kids and a badly burned Anakin. I’m not trying to beat on the nerds too much, but they will like the worst pieces of shit*, as long as you make it dark, brooding and probably violent, so that they can point at all that and tell their parents: “See? It has violence. It is not for kids and so fucking mature!”

    *To be fair, I don’t think that EPISODE 2 is THAT bad.

  170. I think I’ll skip BRIDESMAIDS and just watch TRUE LEGEND instead. For some reason I just can’t stand the sight of any person that joined SNL after 1999. Let alone bear with watching them headlining an entire feature.

  171. CJ it’s funny cause even though I thought the prequels all pretty much were lackluster EPISODE II was probably the one that entertained me the most. The dialogue sucked just as much as the others & it had some seriously suspect performances but at least the badly structured romance had a nice campy vibe to it. That shit really makes me laugh. In the third one everybody took it WAY too seriously. I enjoyed it mostly though cause of Christopher Lee and the climax but Natalie Portman in a top didn’t hurt either. Not that I’ll ever see any of those movies again but it’s funny to me how people could prefer EPISODE I to EPISODE II with a straight face.

  172. That was a typo, I meant “episode 3”, not “episode 2”. I’m pretty much okay with all the prequels, although I too think that 3, which is meant to be “the good one” is imo the least satisfying.

  173. **Shakes head sadly…**

    I’m sorry Vern. I never meant for this to happen. Sometimes actions have consequences that you don’t quite realise until it’s too late.

  174. I tried to warn you.

  175. It’s not my fault! I didn’t even mention the film by name! I only said “lava surfing”! Am I to be blamed because there’s no other film franchise that’s dumb enough to use this stupid, stupid idea for its big climatic moment?

    Vern and everybody, respectively: Review “Juggernaut”. Watch “Silent House.” Thankyouverymuch.

  176. Is there a Star Wars corollary to Godwin’s Law? If not, there should be.

  177. I honestly wasn’t sure what you were talking about, I thought you had a grudge against ESCAPE FROM LA for some reason. Anyway don’t claim innocence now, you already apologized.

  178. What’s to grudge against EFLA?

  179. RRA – it also had an extremely silly surfing scene. As did “Batman and Robin” for that matter. Although neither involved lava.

    Watch “Silent House”, review “Juggernaut”.

  180. Game of Thrones – Brilliant Series.

  181. Recommendations to review (just thinking on ’em right now, slightly drunk on vodka, wouldn’t post if else, hi everybody this site rules you rule Vernhoeven rules!):

    -Alan Clarke films: ‘Scum’, ‘Made in Britain’, ‘The firm’ (there are more, but these are relatively easy to get. Clarke would be now as big as Mike Leigh had he not died so soon. It’s the closest TV stuff has ever got to art besides ‘The Simpsons’, and Winstone, Roth and Oldman respectively have never been better)

    -‘Runaway train’ (watched it tonight, wow, Golan-Globus + VGIK + the fucking train!)

    -‘Second breath’ (Jean-Pierre Melville’s magnum opus, IMHO, if only because it is his longest crime film and ex-con José Giovanni’s screenplay rings truer than the others)

  182. For anybody here who gave up on the Mortal Kombat webseries around the third or fourth episode (and I figure there has to be one or two of you), let me tell you that episode 6 is fucking awesome. Seriously.


  183. Btw, not that you guys care, but the new Gaga album is as bad as your probably imagined her first record was*. Weirder, but less kinky. No thematic through line. More piano…but none of it is catchy. The music is more queer friendly (which I count as a good thing) but less authentic. Poker Face was interesting because it was a hetero-normative song with a gay subtext…here the music all sounds like it could be Perez Hilton’s personal theme song, so there are no layers.

    *The Fame is actually A-level pop music.

  184. So far the MORTAL KOMBAT series failed to really convince me, but I agree that #6 is one of the best epsiodes. (On my own blog, which you can reach by clicking on the link in my name, you will find short and badly written review of each episode.)

    Also I don’t care for Lady Gaga, but while we are talking about pop music, the new Sophie Ellis-Bextor album is her finest record to date.

  185. Thanks to one of those traffic tracker plug ins on my blog, I saw that someone not just visited it after he was here, but also that he apparently sits pretty close to where I live. So Kreis Recklinghausen represent! Wenn du öfter hier bist, sag mal was. (Keine Angst, bin kein großer Chatter oder Social Networker, bin nur Neugierig!)

  186. I confess to liking a few of Lady Gaga’s songs

    I’m disappointed to hear her new album is not any good

  187. Sophie Ellis-Bextor is officially on my top five of “celebrities I would happily kill for the sake of mankind”, and this thread has officially gone to Hell.

  188. I like MK: Legacy #6 too. It seems one of the trendy things this season is having fallen thunder gods shot with tasers, only Raiden actually got a boost from his encounter with one.
    First Trailer for Tintin is out:
    Liking it. They seem to be staying faithfull to the semi-pulpiness of having Tintin being able to knock guys the fuck out and use a gun, despite the fact this will be intended as a family film. Not sure about the depiction of the human characters though from it, as they don’t make a point of showing very long shots or showing Tintin’s face till the end. So it’s hard to tell. I’m reading that Guillermo Del Toro and David Fincher guest directed a scene each as well. Can’t imagine how those’ll come across, but I’m intrigued.

  189. I’m getting super fucking excited for Tintin

    I wish it was coming out this summer instead of December

  190. Griff – TINTIN, a movie that will need absolutely no orgy of trailers/TV spots/mindless overdrive to sell that fucker in Europe. The title is the advertizement. Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Tintin, just one word and that’s all you need.

    In America….”What?” It’ll need all that help.

    ~I’ve never understood why the comics never broke out in the states like it did in all of Europe. I hate to say it, but it must be the American tradition of not giving a fuck about a comic unless it involves spandex and supervillain’s broken jaws.

  191. Gwyneth Paltrow rapping “Gangsta Gangsta” from STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON.


    ~Suddenly, my respect for her goes up 80%

  192. Just fell in love with Gwyneth all over again.

  193. RRA – I haven’t read the comics, but in the mid 90’s in America Nickelodeon played the Canadian produced cartoon of Tintin and I used to watch it all the time, so I’ve been familiar with the character for ages

    anyway last night I came up with an idea for a movie, a 1940’s police detective and a cowboy from Texas find themselves transported through time to 1970’s era New York and team to up to fight bad guys

    any ideas for a title?

  194. Don’t know about the title, but in the sequel they should arrive in the 80’s and fight those cartoony street gangs, that you could see in so many movies of that era.

  195. Griff – Funny, that was my introduction too. (and funny enough, Nicklodeon is involved with the TINTIN movie.)

    CJ – Then in part 3 they go to then 1990s and team up with those 90s movie slackers who have jobs but can afford apartments and party all the time. They tag together against your usual 90s baddies: Ex-KGB, ultra right wing anti-government militia, industrial polluters, Triads, and Arab terrorists*.

    *=Actually save them for the 2000s in part 4, where they team up with Emo and Hipster kids.

  196. Over here in the UK, there were plenty of Tintins to read in the libraries. That and Asterix.

    As for buddy movies…I’d love to see a movie where the second coming of Jesus teams up with The Anti-Christ. Anti-Christ would be a bit of a dick with violent tendencies, but ultimately not really want to destroy the world in Armageddon, so revolt against daddy Lucifer, while Jesus would be the the reserved, upstanding one, until he sees some moneychangers and flips right out. Also as a swerveball, he’d be the bad cop in interrogations, threatening bad guys with eternal damnation, while the Anti-Christ tries to tempt them into co-operating by offering them all sorts of shit with his powers.

  197. CJ Holden – I actually picture them fighting cartoony 70’s era street gangs like the ones in The Warriors

  198. There was a TINTIN cartoon that used to air on HBO in the morning when I was a kid. I don’t know if it’s the same as the nick one but that was MY intro to all this stuff. Since then my American ass did his best to track down the actual books. Lots of fun stuff in there. Unfortunately I have no faith in Spielberg whatsoever anymore (I think MUNICH may have been a fluke) so I will be skipping this one.

  199. I’m pretty sure it was the same one, since as far as I know there was only one cartoon

    and why do you have no faith in Spielberg? I actually re-watched the blu ray of A.I. recently, first time I’ve seen that movie in like 9 years and it’s excellent, very, very underrated movie, Minority Report is good too

    I will concede however that War of The Worlds is only ok

  200. Griff – to be fair, I can’t exactly blame Broddie. I mean the 2000s when we got good shit like AI or MUNICH (most of it) or MINORITY REPORT or CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, he also did the very loud/meh WOTW, the forgettable waste of time TERMINAL, and the sloppy as fuck INDY IV.

    That said, I like to think TINTIN will be decent. Spielberg’s been itching for that shit since the early 1980s and considering all the lengthy, epic pre-production history, I would hate to think it’ll be all for a waste.

    ~Of course he also had an itch for ALWAYS (pitched that shit to Dreyfuss back on JAWS 14 years earlier) and INDY IV (been developing since the mid 1990s.)

  201. and why is Always a bad movie? it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, but I remember it being good

    not as good as Last Crusade though, which came out the same year

  202. Ugh, LAST CRUSADE is maybe the worst Indy movie, among other things thanks to a sitcomish Father/Son team-up and special effects that were way below 1989 AND Indiana Jones standard.
    But that was a topic that has been discussed to death.

    What I really wanted to say is: Did you hear about that upcoming TRANSPORTER TV show? They replaced Statham with the guy who played Whistler in Season 3 of PRISON BREAK and the show is produced by HBO and German TV station RTL. Which means thanks to HBO we might get a certain amount of production values, nudity and violence (nothing the movies are really famous for, but it’s nice to have the possibility) and thanks to RTL, the show might have some seriously breathtaking over the top stunts, that even put the movies to shame. (RTL is that channels who produces these crazy ass action series like LASKO – The Fist Of God or THE CLOWN)

  203. Transporter the series has a budget of 5 million an episode and a 13 episode order. I don’t think HBO owns the US distribution rights, but it’s a cable show, not a network. They presold the rights to this some time ago.

  204. Jareth Cutestory

    May 20th, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Apparently Randy Savage died.

    I’m not a fan of wrestling, but even I know who the Macho Man was.

  205. Yeah, really sad to hear. If I had a Slim Jim I’d snap into it right now in tribute.

  206. MINORITY REPORT would have been great if it hadn’t been for some massive plot holes. LAST CRUSADE has not aged well. It’s barely watchable now. ALWAYS, on the other hand, has aged rather well. It’s smaller scale and sweet-hearted themes have amplified it’s charms over the years. CATCH ME and TERMINAL are just boring. They don’t even feel like Spielberg. I enjoyed WAR OF THE WORLDS, once or twice. I found MUNICH to be a bit of a stylish mess. INDY IV was sloppy fun but it didn’t make me want to revisit that character again.
    All this is to say that while Spielberg has been uneven this past decade I certainly haven’t lost faith in his ability to entertain me. I’m a little disappointed he’s bothering with this motion capture nonsense but his penchant for kinetic action sequences and genuine pathos should serve TIN TIN well. I’ll be in line.

  207. INDY IV was sloppy fun but LAST CRUSADE is barely watchable? Madness.

  208. Several of the wrestlers and industry figures, past and present, are posting their thoughts on the Macho Man death. The current generation of stars who grew up on Savage are really taking it hard.

    You all should check out one of today’s best, CM Punk’s twitter. He posted earlier today “Hearing a horrible rumor. Hope it’s BS.”

    Then just a few minutes later he posts “Fuck.” Sums up what fans thought when they heard the news.

    I heard the news today / oh boy

  209. That was a bit of “Huh?” for me too. TEMPLE OF DOOM is the weakest of the original three for me because it feels, I dunno, more a random romp than a real story, plus since they made it set before RAIDERS, Indy’s a lot less fleshed out and there’s not as much build to his character as the first one, which went into his whole awkward history with Marian, and how he was a cynic who didn’t really believe in the Ark or its power until the end. LAST CRUSADE on the other hand has the fun romp but also explores the relationship with his dad, and the fun of fighting Nazis again!

  210. Last Crusade is awesome, I’m sorry but I just can’t imagine why someone would think it sucks, Sean Connery was great in it as his dad, the interplay between him and Indy did not ruin the movie at all, if there’s one complaint I can think of with Last Crusade it’s that the female love interest is pretty inconsequential

    I will admit though that Last Crusade holds a special place in my heart because when I was a little kid, I was only aware of Raiders of The Lost Ark and Temple of Doom, until one day while browsing the video store I came across all three of the Indy movies and holy shit! there’s a third one I’ve never seen! whaaaaaaat!? so I had a blast getting to watch another Indy adventure I had never seen before, you better believe that next time I was on the school playground I tried to re-enact the tank sequence with my friends, I even said “where’s Marcus?” at one point

    I don’t think I’ve ever had the experience of discovering a totally unknown sequel to a beloved film franchise again

    anyway I guess I’m just the resident giant Spielberg fan here huh?

  211. and yeah, I heard about Randy Savage

    I’ve never been a wrestling fan (even as a kid, which was rare), but I’ve always liked Macho Man Randy Savage due to his fun, larger than life persona and awesome voice, I’m very saddened to hear of his death

  212. Yeah LAST CRUSADE is cool with me I love TEMPLE OF DOOM more though. That movie is just straight up fucking nuts. I was a kid that grew up watching R-rated movies. TEMPLE’s darkness appealed to me more than LAST CRUSADE’s campiness. But LAST CRUSADE is very entertaining. One of the reasons I never bothered to see part 4 is because to me that series will always be a trilogy. One of the best of all time.

    Well that and because the trailers sucked balls. From what people tell me; I didn’t miss much.

    A.I. would’ve been brilliant if the last 25 min didn’t completely negate it. Everything up to the little pinocchio allegory robot boy drowning in the water always making his wish to the blue fairy was pitch perfect. That shit felt very much like what I expected from a Spielberg and Kubrick directed flick. Dark, dystopian, hopeless but still heartfelt and filled with endearing characters. A great modern day fairy tale.

    I mean it has like the only Jude Law performance I ever liked cause Gigolo Joe was such an awesome fucking character. It’s been 11 years since I’ve seen this and I still remember him and Teddy. Then comes the last moments which I’m almost positive were pure Spielberg based on the high level of cheese delivered. Man it completely obliterated the rest of the movie in my eyes. I haven’t watched it since the cinema for that reason.

    The less said about THE TERMINAL the better. I didn’t enjoy any of his Cruise collabos. MINORITY REPORT felt pretty bland and on top of that the Max Von Sydow reveal has to be one of the most transparent things ever put in modern blockbuster filmmaking. The minute you see it’s Max Von Sydow you know what’s up.

    CATCH ME IF YOU CAN was brilliant though I’ll give him that. Between that and MUNICH you had the only 2 movies of the lot from his 00 ventures that are worthy of being spoken of in the same sentence as RAIDERS, JAWS, ET, JURASSIC PARK, THE COLOR PURPLE and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS.

  213. Broddie – I think you really need to give A.I. another chance and keep an open mind about the ending

    I’ve never understood the complaints about the ending of A.I., it’s a bittersweet ending, it’s not the usual happy ending, *SPOILER* David does get reunited with his mother, but only for one day and she dies, then David himself dies

    and the stuff with the super advanced robots seemed pretty Kubrick to me

    I thin A.I. is a movie that everyone needs to rewatch and need to get reappraised

    anyway I re-watched War of The Worlds last year and enjoyed it, but it had been 5 years since I’d seen it, when I watched it again a few weeks ago I was less impressed, it doesn’t really hold up to very many viewings, it’s still better than anything Michael Bay has done however

    it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Catch Me If You Can and The Terminal, but I remember Catch Me If You Can being a lot of fun, The Terminal was not bad but definitely pretty weak as far as Spielberg goes

    unfortunately, but Munich is one I’ve missed, I’ll have to check that one out when it comes out on blu ray

  214. Griff – LAST CRUSADE is like INDY IV certainly watchable with some highlight scenes from the prologue to the Venice boat chase to “No ticket!”to that tank fight. But ultimately each time I watch it, I feel “OK.” And that’s it, nothing more than “OK.” Of course I suppose it would be nice more “OK” movies were as well-shot and cut as a LAST CRUSADE.

    As for your surprise sequel, I had a similar story but ironically enough it was another Spielberg production: BACK TO THE FUTURE PART 3. Of course I was 5-6, didn’t understand the back-to-back shooting shit or the release schedule so literally I was stunned when I found part 3 instead of #1 and #2 both which I had rented ad nauseum already. Hell I was sick of #2 and loved #3 even more in my youth. Except now as an adult, I must say I dig #2 much more for I get what Zemeckis was going for, plus #3 felt more like a glorified TV episode this side of DOCTOR WHO or STAR TREK than a movie.

    I also give mad props to A.I. I wonder if Kubrick was right ultimately that the Beard was the right guy to make that sorta movie because lets admit it guys, with Kubrick’s critical street cred….would the critics have forgiven Kuby for making such a sentimental movie (if told in his usual cold style)? I don’t know if they would.

    Of course I’m one of the weirdos who thinks 2001 is incredibly emotional, even though most would laugh at the mere idea.

  215. ya know RRA, I had the exact same experience with BACK TO THE FUTURE PART 3 (I was around the same age too), but that was before I discovered Last Crusade

    and while I like 3 a lot, it does basically feel like an extended epilogue, good end for the series though

    anyway I also remember being shocked to discover there was a 4th Jaws movies when it played on tv once as a kid and then I was even more shocked to learn how awful it was, even as a kid I thought it sucked, that might have been the first time I discovered an awful sequel to a classic movie

  216. Anyone else seen PIR4TES OF THE CARIBBE4N? It’s shit

  217. I thought about seeing it, but decided to skip it since it didn’t get any good reviews

  218. The last two movies were panned by critics either and they turned out to be good. Especially on 2nd viewing.

  219. so guys, out of curiosity, how old are you and what was the movie that made you into a movie buff?

    I am 21 years old, which means I like some movies that a lot of you probably don’t, like Duck Tales: The Movie, Jumanji and Toys (both of which are Robin Williams movies not coincidentally)

    and the movie that made me a movie buff was Jurassic Park, which I saw in theaters at the age of 3, I only very, very vaguely remember seeing it in theaters of course, but I bought the VHS when it came out and watched it endlessly as a kid, I’ve literally must have seen that movie a couple of hundred times

    keep in mind Jurassic Park was pretty much my generation’s Star Wars, that is to say a huge grossing blockbuster adventure movie with cutting edge special effects and lots of toys, every boy I knew was also obsessed with it

  220. oh yeah, I should that I still have that VHS copy too

  221. I’m 33, and my earliest movie-going memory is of seeing the James Bond gun barrel logo from the foldout bed in the back of my mom’s airbrushed custom van (she was named Samantha Sue—the van, not my mom) when I was supposed to be asleep. I had no idea what the fuck it was, but the image stuck with me.

    My earliest memory of watching a full movie, though, was a tape my family had of STAR WARS and SUPERMAN II. (It also had BLUE LAGOON on it but I wasn’t watching that shit.) I watched that thing over and over again on our giant metal and wood VCR with the top-loading tray. It was taped off TV and the opening scene of STAR WARS was cut off, so for years I thought the movie started with a couple of robots randomly wandering through the desert. Maybe that’s how it started before De Palma made Lucas add the scrawl.

    Other memories that stick with me: Seeing ROBOCOP in the theater when I was nine, crying when Optimus died, watching COMMANDO at a sleepover, and opening a cabinet in my favorite uncle’s house and finding what seemed at the time to be a massive cache of R-rated movies. The idea that I could have a library of tits and blood and swears at my fingertips turned me into a movie hoarder, and since I got my own VCR at age 11, I’ve been obsessively building my collection.

    In short, I can’t ever remember not being all about movies. When I go through a period when I’m not enjoying the movies that come out, I feel like I’m fighting with a loved one.

  222. CJ – Yeah and I think its interesting alot of the same complaints at POTC4, the could be used against the first one. Or #2 and #3. They’re all overlong, too much storytelling reliance on exposition dialogue, and really there probably isn’t that much to see outside of the freak show that is Depp.*

    I’ve seen it, I’m not bashing or supporting it, I’m just giving observation on the critical group think. Different situation, I’m reminded of alot of the same people who liked the first TRANSFORMERS then hated the shit out of #2. Huh? I wonder if sequel fatigue is what’s leading the backlash against POTC 4?

    (On the flipside, why did THOR get insanely better reviews across the board than it really deserved? Were people on that one just damn desperately hungry for Cape Action?)

    Griff – the young kids today have no clue what so ever of how much JURASSIC PARK meant to us. When we as tots saw it, my god we saw DINOSAURS! When they see it, they see early 1990s CGI. I’ve bitched before about there not being that much magic in Movie FX, no mystery behind any CGI crafted by some fat asshole behind a laptop. When CGI was still a novelty and not everyday life, JURASSIC PARK was magical in that regard. Even if it is a not so creative remake of Crichton’s own WESTWORLD.

    Also I remember JUMANJI as being decent. Maybe the only serious drawback was Williams, and god knows the fucker can be grating. Until that magical deux ex machinas reboots everything, I liked how the movie was about the unfairness of life. And even back then back in the day, I dug the WIZARD OF OZ/Peter Pan stunt casting with the villain.

    As for the movie(s) that made me a buff, high school was when I finally understood cinema as an artform and those three movies directly responsible for ruining my life are PULP FICTION, Frakenheimer’s RONIN, and BRAZIL. Hell w/ RONIN, I was prompted to check out the rest of the Frakenheimer filmography including MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (a still potent classic), SEVEN DAYS IN MAY, the very exciting THE TRAIN, his obscure gem SECONDS, etc.

    *=I do find it amusing at somehow he roped in Keith Richards into this series. A guy’s looks now that definately are scarier than any of those monsters shown in that franchise.

  223. I’m 26 and probably the INDY Movies and all the James Bond reruns made me love movies. I think I have more of an appreciation for older stuff than a lot of guys my age because I was sorta raised on seeing all sorts of repeats of old tv and films, as well as stuff taped on VHS and kept for years, like the BLUES BROTHERS and other stuff starring the likes of Dan Ackroyd and John Candy.

  224. I think from all the problems (and I say that as a huge fan!) that the POTC series has, the runtime of each movie isn’t one of them. Especially part 1 has exactly the right length and I still hope that the 3+hours cut of part 3 will be released one day.
    One of the things that I keep repeating over and over on various message boards and comment sections these days, is that Gore Verbinski doesn’t get enough credit for being an awesome action director. I realized that when I recently re-watched part 2, whichs last 30 minutes are basically one long and convoluted action scene, where a half dozen different people fight each other up and down and round and round all over a small island, which leads to another long and convoluted action scene where the kraken eradicates pretty much the whole crew of a ship, which explosions, screaming and running people and tentacles everywhere!
    And yet those scenes are somehow never confusing and most important engaging and fun to watch! Most modern directors can’t even stage something simple as a car chase or a fist fight without confusing the audience. So I really wonder how the series will work with a new director.

    About me and the movies: I’m 29 and the two that I always credit for making me love movies are BEETLEJUICE and CLERKS. I was 11 when I watched BEETLEJUICE over and over, almost on a daily base. I still have huge parts of the German dubbing memorized. (Later I saw it in English and was shocked how losely translated it was. Especially when I found out that one of my favourite quotes shouldn’t exist at all!) While it didn’t make me want to watch every single movie that existed, it was my first favourite movie and definitely shaped my interest in thinking of and telling stories.
    CLERKS was weird. I watched it when I was 16, when I recorded it from TV. Something made click on that day and from then on I started to religiously watch all kinds of movies. I guess my brain suddenly noticed that a non-mainstream film, that looks weird and is basically one 90 minutes long dialogue, can be good too. I hate to say it, but I was some kind of a snob around that time and pretty much only watched the huge blockbuster movies, like ID4 or stuff like that. But after CLERKS I not just learned that another world of movies exists, I also learned that the best films run on TV, weekdays around 1 or 3 am on German public television. (A rule that still counts, btw.)

    Some random movie watching memories:
    Oh yeah, JURASSIC PARK. That was the scariest movie I ever saw back then. My sister and I wanted to watch it on the first day, but they didn’t want to let me in, because I was 11 and the movie was rated “12”. Which was weird, because German theatres, especially that one, weren’t really known for controlling the age of their audience. (And I can imagine the distributor gave the theatres order to check the ages this time, because the newspapers where full of stories about kids from all over Germany and how they managed to sneak into the movie. Something that usually nobody cares about.) Anyway, so my mother, who initially didn’t want to see it, had to come with us and they somehow let us in, although there was no such thing as a PG rule at that time. Damn, that was one scary ride. I kept chewing on my money bag all the time, but yeah, it was fucking awesome!

    That movie theatre was pretty much around the corner from the house where I grew up. (It recently closed and got turned into a stage theatre. Some people take 3D way too far…) Thankfully when I was a kid, a ticket was much cheaper, so my mother could effort to let my sister and me watch movies sometimes up to five times. I remember seeing films like THE SECRET OF THE SWORD (The animated He-Man/She-Ra movie), SHORT CIRCUIT, GHOSTBUSTERS 2 or SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE (which ran every year) there. Good times, good times. I always wanted to buy and run it by myself, in case it would ever close. But y’know, opening a business is in reality way more complicated.

    Okay, I just said that JURASSIC PARK was the scariest movie for me at that age. Forget that, it was THE ‘BURBS! One afternoon my mother walked together with me, my sister and one or two of her friends past the cinema and saw on the marquee the German title of it, which translates MY DIABOLIC NEIGHBOURS. She made a joking remark about how fitting the title was, because she seriously didn’t get along with any of her neighbours. (In fact, the neighbours didn’t get along with her!) I can’t remember how it happened, but suddenly we were all sitting in the theatre and watched it. It wasn’t funny for my 6 years old me and I got no idea how my mother, who was very strict about what we see and even thought that BEETLEJUICE and JURASSIC PARK are not exactly appropriate for us, could think it was a good movie to take her kids to. The only moment where I noticed that I was watching a comedy, was this: http://youtu.be/cSyX02ZaXWY
    Later, I caught it again on TV and totally got it and it’s still one of my favourite films to this date.

    I also remember that when we were watching THE ADDAMS FAMILY, during the scene when Gomez makes his model trains collide, someone forgot to change the reel and just before the trains crashed, the whole theatre turned dark.

    I know, I shouldn’t hit the submit button before I have checked everything I wrote before, but I have to go. Don’t hate me.

  225. Speaking of POTC, this video has apparently been passed around behind the scenes by the director of development at Disney:

  226. Stu – I think people are more apt for “old” movies if they see them as kids, at that precious innocent age when they take movies at face value and not be hip, snarky. For example, I remember at that very age being rather fond of 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA and SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON, those two 50s/60s Disney movies. Of course I think anyone at anytime at that age likes SWISS, if simply for that treehouse. What boy didn’t dream of living in one?

    And I saw that Bruckheimer pisser. Its true, and yet as much as I despise BruckBoy, we have to give him credit: That dick knows how to make assloads of money. Still unlike his former associate Michael Bay, Bruckheimer here and there produced some movies I genuinely enjoyed: THIEF, those PIRATES pictures, BEVERLY HILLS COP 1 and 2, CRIMSON TIDE (when Tony Scott was still a competent director), and something else I’m surely forgetting.

    CJ – Considering the stereotype that American comedies don’t play well overseas, I’m intrigued whenever I hear “foreign” reaction to one of them. Of course we’ve had that debate before about how I thought GB2 is sorta worthless, yet the REAL GHOSTBUSTERS was and still is the bomb. Did anyone play the video game which came out in recent years?

    Oh and SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE. I forgot about that turkey. You all realize John Carpenter almost directed it? Yeah he apparently wanted Brian Dennehy as the Fat Guy himself. Go figure. At least I’ll give SC this: It introduced me to the awesomeness that is John Lithgow. I wish that fucker would do more movies and not just TV or Internet videos reading out Newt Gingrinch’s Press releases.

    (also ADDAMS FAMILY was very good. Hell in some ways the sequel might even be better. Never invite Ricci to your family Thanksgiving dinner.)

    *=I like that we all grew up when we took for granted that Batman or Ghostbuster video games sucked. Yet now we’ve gotten good ones, with ARKHAM ASYLUM a genuine classic, first 10 minutes better than all Batman games combined.

  227. Griff – I’ll see if I revisit it soon but somehow I doubt my opinion on the ending will change. It was just so glaringly annoying to me especially considering what a perfect ending the lead up to it all would’ve been.

    CJ – I don’t think DEAD MAN’S CHEST was good AT all. It was actually one of the worst cinematic experiences I’ve had during the past 10 years. Up there with TRANSFORMERS, TERMINATOR SALVATION the third X-MEN and THE MATRIX RELOADED. I really did like THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL a lot but that second movie completely turned me away from the franchise for good. Another reason I wouldn’t bother with the new one is that it’s directed by Rob Marshall.

    RRA – I think you may be on to something. I was born in ’83 so there are a lot of movies I saw during the mid to late 80’s and throughout the 90’s and then revisited and just went “Why the fuck did I ever like this?”

    I noticed this with the movie THE GATE recently. When it was released I used to love the shit out of it. Watching it now though while it has some good moments I do find a lot of it quite dull.

    I think as you grow older and become more critical of art and such that face value outlook you have as a kid becomes non-existent. The only thing I did keep from those days though is my ability to watch any new IP with an open mind. I give almost anything a chance at least once. As far as sequels go though generally if I really didn’t like the predecessor at all and the sequel is made by the same crew I pretty much do pass on em most of the time.

  228. ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES is one of the best comedy sequels ever made. Personally I find it superior to the original in everyway. Matter of fact it makes the original pretty boring in retrospect.

  229. Oh BTW first movie I saw at the cinema was KICKBOXER. People laugh when I tell them that cause it’s so out of the blue considering I was 5 when I saw it. But I was conditioned on bad ass cinema & horror my whole life up to that point so it was a lot more appropriate than seeing a Disney movie as my cherry popper. Conversely for those reasons my second theatrical experience was THE FLY II.

  230. My main problem with POTC 2 is plain and simple that I don’t like movies that are shot back to back with their sequel(s), and just stop the story cold when the first movie ends, without having any questions answered. Okay, it’s not bad when you got them all on DVD and just can watch them “as one”, but still. the BACK TO THE FUTURE SEQUELS did it right. By the end of part 2 its story is solved and then a cliffhanger happens, that leads us to the next story. That’s cool. Even the LOTR films have one theme for each movie, that is solved by the end of it. But DEAD MAN’S CHEST, MATRIX RELOADED and maybe a million other movies these days don’t. Call me old fashioned, but if I wanna watch a movie, I wanna watch it complete and don’t want to stop in the middle of the story and wait till the next part.

    I can’t speak for every European country, but American comedies do VERY well here in Germany, doesn’t matter if we are talking about the broad slapstick ones or a subtle indie charmer. Not all of them are successful, but even if the fail in theatres, they will most likely become a success on DVD or even on TV!

    SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE. I remember when I watched it again on TV a few years ago and was downright disgusted by the first 45 minutes, that only consists of happily singing and dancing elves! Incredible how little standards you have a s a kid, eh? But John Lithgow saved it for me.

    ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES: I totally agree! That one is fucking awesome! As much as I love the first movie, compared to part 2 it feels like they were restraining themself to a degree and then, when it became a success just thought “Oh fuck it, let’s go crazy!” I still don’t like what happens to Fester’s wife in the end, though. While she turned to ashes in a comedic way, it was too “graphic” to work for me. The fate of the villains in part 1 was funnier, because it was only implied that they might be buried alive.
    Interesting fact: After it became clear that Barry Sonnenfeld wouldn’t be available as director for part 3, he suggested Christina Ricci for the job, because she came across to him as clever enough for that. (Part 3 then was made DTV, with Daryl Hannah and Tim Curry.)

  231. Anyone remember the MC Hammer song for Adam’s Family Values? “The Adam’s Groove” I think it was called.

  232. Yeah, I remember that one! And in the end titles for part 2, they had Tag Team, going “Whoomp! The Addams Family! There it is!”

  233. I too adore both Adam’s Family movies, even though the central plot is ostensibly identical.

    I’m 22 and I became a film buff because of Tim Burton. I saw The Nightmare Before Christmas so many times that I destroyed the VHS copy I got for my 6th birthday. I had talked about the movie for MONTHS when it came out in theaters, even going so far as to tell my mother bedtime stories based upon my bizarre interpretations of the trailer (yeah, I didn’t get bedtime stories, I was giving em out) but I didn’t get to see the film in theaters because my parents thought it would be too scary.

    Soon after getting the VHS, I began to consume all things Burton, starting with Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. When I saw the Touchstone logo, I actually thought it was Tim Burton’s logo. I had seen a bunch of Hitchcock and he had that silhouette thing at the beginning, so I thought all directors had a weird little image at the beginning of the movie*. I don’t know why I thought this since A: Burton DIDN’T direct TNBC, B: Touchstone DIDN’T release all of his films, but all the same, it was the moment I became aware of a filmmaker as a specific force.

    About a year later, I was watching the Disney Channel and I saw a “making-of” feature on TNBC and it was the first time I discovered that making movies was actually a job. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since. Seeing Burton degenerate as an artist has been really painful for me. I count him, along with Lee Tamohari, Roland Joffe, The Hughes Brothers and John Singleton as the biggest disappointments of this generation.

    *Note how bizarre my parents were; I was watching lots of Hitchcock movies with no worry that they would be inappropriate, and I was allowed to watch Scissorhands and Beetlejuice even though they were clearly VASTLY more inappropriate than TNBC.

  234. Oh, and somewhere along the way I saw Batman Returns. Catwoman made me feel funny and I didn’t understand why. So, Tim Burton did a LOT to affect my childhood psychology.

  235. CJ – Yeah you had told us how PAUL BLART: MALL COP was a license to make money over in the Deutchland basically because KING OF QUEENS was heavily syndicated over there.

    re: ADDAMS FAMILY: But didn’t the stripper getting cooked in the cake in the first FAMILY bother you? Just asking. Except I’m sure Vern prefers the first ADDAMS, because you know the sequel made fun of Michael Jackson and his troubles at the time.

    Anyway I thought personally DMC was the best of that series? Verbinski came off as having more fun, more disciplined, not as rambling chaotic script? Hell Bloom and Keira had much better material and scenes to work with than the first one. Bloom isn’t Luke Skywalker 2.0 and dull as hell at it, but shown to use some cunning strategy in outsmarting the villain.

    I say its inbetween BTTF 2 and MATRIX RELOADED regarding how it finishes if you ask me.

    Tawdry – BATMAN RETURNS might be the first movie where as a small boy, I understood a “romantic interest” in the film definition or the basic idea behind it. Or other words I subconciously discovered sex, which I didn’t realize until later of course.

    Broddie – I remember Roger Ebert’s review back in the day for I think it was GAMERA: GUARDIANS OF THE UNIVERSE where he basically argues that every would-be movie buff starts out as a child, accepting shit at face value and without necessarily a high set of standards. Then you get older, you try to put yourself “above” such dumb drivel, no junk but smart art baby. Then you get much older and you strike a balance between art/smarts and junk/mindless. And I think he might have a point there.

  236. To be honest, the dead stripper joke always came across as way too cruel for me. At least in terms of ADDAMS FAMILY, which has despite its dark humor always been pretty light hearted. It was like a cartoon, where nobody ever died, even if an anvil landed on their head.

  237. CJ – fair enough. Thanks.

    Stu – Oh and not know if this will get to you in time mate, but apparently tonight’s WHO episode is a loser. At least based off the early reviews from the UK vieweres. Wowzers.

  238. Tawdry Hepburn – Batman Returns is actually probably the first movie I’ve ever seen, but I was so young I don’t remember it, Batman has always been my favorite Superhero though and when I saw Batman Returns later on when I was a bit older Catwoman definitely gave me “funny feelings” too

    and yeah, I was a huge Tim Burton fan too as a kid, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Mars Attacks and especially Pee Wee’s Big Adventure got frequent airtime in my house

  239. RRA- I would say that alot of the criticims of POTC2 also applied to the first but were ignored ala REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, but I really do think the latest one is considerably weaker than the others. Not that I was a huge fan of any of the previous films, I enjoyed them about as much as CUTTHROAT ISLAND at the end of the day, but they all had some really good moments. I liked AT WORLD’S END the most _because_ it was so blatantly bombastic, messy and overindulgent, but this one is neither the kind of lean, stripped down B-Movie romp this series could provide, nor is it more overblown spectacle. It just sits there for a couple of hours; the odd cute line here and there, and to my mind only one good scene.

  240. hey sorry if this has been covered elsewhere on this sight or thread, but did y’all see the teaser trailer for TINTIN? i hate to say it, but i got a bad feeling about it.

    i grew up with the books, that and asterix were actually the only comics a i really read as a kid (though i dabbled with spider-man), since i would spend summers bored out of my mind in my grandparents house in india, and both series were popular and available there, though they are not well-known at all in my native america (that phrase sounds weird, but you get me).

    anyway, in recent years, whenever i visit my parents in the house i grew up in, i’ll read some of those old tintin books (i collected every one published in english and some published in french), and they still hold up. there’s a lot of fun adventure, entertaining humor, etc., and the artwork is really quite beautiful. you can really see the way it influenced spielberg in the indiana jones series, with that sense of fun, globetrotting adventure.

    i have to admit, i was a bit dismayed when i saw the original released shots from the upcoming movie and i saw that they were going for a quasi-realistic approach. i was really hoping they would just try and translate the look of the books into an animated from, but oh well, i was still willing to give it a shot because of all the talent involved. in addition to spielberg, of course you got peter jackson, edgar wright, stephen moffat, simon pegg and nick frost, and i’m fan of all of them. but the trailer isn’t helping assuage my fears of a dead-eyed zemeckis uncanny valley nightmare.

    and also, lest we forget, the last time spielberg tried to do a fun adventure movie, we got KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULLS. i know vern liked it, but it’s one of the somewhat rare times i had to respectfully disagree with him. it felt forced and somewhat clueless to me, and i was bored by it. i only really like the first two movies in the series, though. RAIDERS is almost a perfect action-adventure movie, one of my favorite movies of all time (which is i’m sure true of most of us here at this sight). TEMPLE OF DOOM, while sloppy and a bit too ridiculous at times, is still a hell-of-a-lot of fun, with some great lines of dialogue and a whole bunch of iconic moments. extremely underrated (including by spielberg and lucas). LAST CRUSADE i absolutely loved when it came out (i was in junior high at the time) and watched it probably a hundred times, but i find it close to unwatchable now, due to the juvenile slaptsitcky humor (much worse than in the first two) and the over-sentimentality of the father-son stuff. and i’m clearly not alone in being massively disappointed but the fourth movie, but i don’t have the energy to go through all the ways right now.

    anyway, what are everyone’s thoughts about the upcoming tintin movies? i really hope that i am wrong in my apprehensions…

  241. RRA-I liked Who this week, actually. A nice, solid, traditional type of story, with some nice ideas, lines and an interesting cliffhanger.

  242. Dammit folks, trying to get a job is maybe the most fucked up annoying thing in the world! It’s a miracle that I’m not an alcoholic at this point.

  243. Any chance of seeing some Vincent Price reviews? Friday of this week would have been his 100th birthday.

  244. Hey Broddie, thanks for the recommendations! I’m slowly working my way through them. I’m keeping myself to one album a week so I can better digest anything new I hear but so far I’m really digging what you suggested. Thanks for that!

    I’m 27 and I liked the Last Crusade. I’m young enough so that Raiders, Temple, and Crusade are all part of the same series to me. As an adult I enjoy Raiders the most but am torn on Temple and Crusade. I think Temple has some better parts than Crusade but so much of it just drags for me and is totally boring. Crusade doesn’t have as many peaks but there are no valleys in it for me, either.

    I’m also looking forward to Tintin. I remember it as a kid and thought it was fun.

    I’m totally confused about people’s dislike of WotW. There are a few scenes in that movie that are totally terrifying. The scene with them getting carjacked in the van and people killing each other as everyone mobs it is horrifying. That and the train that goes by on fire? Man, that stuff is really affecting to me. I never understood the complaints that Spielgerg became too soft and had a “happy” ending. Sure, the son is alive at the end but what happens in the movie shows the ugliest and worst of people and there’s nothing that can take that away. I appreciate it is all I’m trying to say.

    Since everyone is being autobiographical here I will as well! My father loved Westerns and that rubbed off on me as well. I grew up on military bases overseas or in the states and between renting some awesome Westerns and my father’s love of action / horror I grew up on some great movies. I think my first memory of watching a movie is the Road Warrior. That and AFRTS showed some really awesome movies. I think that’s why my tastes skew a bit towards older epics than anything else.

  245. I never said War of The Worlds was bad, just that it’s not the kind of movie that you can watch over and over again like most of Spielberg’s movies (this is a guy that’s seen Jurassic Park hundreds of times, remember?)

  246. I think War of the Worlds is one of Spielbergs best in the last 2 decades. Scary as hell, with some awesome set-pieces and some outlandish beatiful cinematography. The ending is kind of meh, but didn`t ruin the movie for me like most of Spielbergs recent movies; Munich, Saving Private Ryan, Minority Rapport..

    I`m 35 and saw Starwars in the cinema when I was 6-7 when it was re-released. That sort of sealed the deal, and made me fall in love with everything fantasy-related; aliens, indiana jones, james bond, robocop, terminator, batman, bladerunner etc. I wanted to act or make sfx, at least till I saw Evil Dead 2 and realised that the director was the real star of the movie. And then I rented Apocalypse Now by mistake and it warped my fragile little mind. I watched 3 times in a night, high on coffee, and finally realised the real power of the art of cinema. And then, on the steps on adulthood, this guy Tarantino made me realize that I could become a director if I watched a lot of movies. Thanks, Tarantino…

    That must be the tentpoles in my lifelong obsession with cinema, and the reasons why I can enjoy a great spectacle like The Matrix as much as arthouse-stuff like Bergman and Tarkovsky.

  247. I apologize, my comments about those that disliked WotW was not directed at anyone in particular but against something I’ve heard quite a lot of. I’m glad I’m not alone here in my appreciation of that film.

  248. Holy shit. I can’t wait to hear what ya’ll think of Tree of Life.

  249. I came here to promote an interesting German independent movie. It’s called PIXELSCHATTEN and is about a blogger and his friends. His whole life is dedicated to telling the world what he and his friends do every day, but then he gets doubts and something happens.

    It’s an interesting project, shot in (very good looking) 1st person perspective, that is only interrupted by single blog entries and the following comments. You can watch it UNTIL MAY 29 (Sunday) for free and with English Subtitles (It’s a German movie) at http://www.pixelschatten.com .

    And no, I’m not associated with it in any kind. (Although the name of the Gaffer sounds familiar. I think went to job school with him a few years ago.) I’m just helping out a German independent filmer.

  250. holy fucking shit you guys, look what I found http://www.cracked.com/article_16308_the-6-least-plausible-jobs-held-by-steven-seagal-characters.html

    this is an old article on Cracked.com written by VERN! how have I not known about this? I’m a frequent visitor to Cracked and I think I’ve actually read that article before, but didn’t notice at the time it was by Vern, this is seriously tripping me out

    and Vern, if you’re reading this, how come you never wrote another article for Cracked?

  251. They wrote to me and said they were big fans, we should work together, blah blah blah. Then they rewrote what I sent them so that it was making fun of Seagal more than appreciating his absurdity, and added in a joke about Stallone being stupid, which I didn’t agree with. When I politely wrote to say that I wish they hadn’t done that the editor never responded and never paid me the money I was promised.

  252. oh my God, are you serious? that’s not right, I actually thought re-reading the article that it didn’t really seem like your style

    no wonder you never wrote for them again, they’re actually a pretty mediocre site, I really only bother with them because they post articles daily and it’s a good time waster while waking up in the morning

    they used to have a really good writer on that site named David Wong (a pseudonym), but he’s pretty much unofficially stopped writing for them, I wonder if they screwed him over too? and they also used to have a funny series of videos by a guy named Michael Swaim and then they idiotically insisted on ending them and replacing them with shitty ones

    so basically fuck those guys, they don’t know what they’ve missed by screwing you over, I’m sorry Vern

  253. I blocked cracked a while ago from my browser. It happened more than once that I clicked on a link to something, which sounded like an article with an interesting topic, just to land on cracked.com, where that interesting topic is used as an excuse for a string of lame jokes.

    I’m not surprised that they seem to be assholes, too.

  254. yeah, I’m not surprised either and I’ve been reading it for years, since it began pretty much

    it used to be pretty good, there were some cool articles, but these days really good articles on there are almost nonexistent

  255. Yeah, that article seemed a little more mean spirited than Vern is. Occasionally I’ll look at Cracked and read a bunch of articles. They’re usually pretty funny but last night I didn’t laugh once after 5 or 6.

    Their article on how Australia is a deathtrap still makes me laugh, though.

  256. Just got back from THE HANGOVER:PART II. I enjoyed it a lot. Even though they do sorta rehash the first film and reuse some jokes, I liked some of the newer bits and there was a definite feeling of them being more ambitious and trying to raise the stakes. It’s actually a bit darker than the original, and there’s a real feeling of things being bad, which the first movie sorta promised with the foreboding title scenes, but didn’t quite pay off on. Here though, the missingroup member actually seems to be in real danger, the local criminals actually seem more of a threat, and Stu’s marriage/life really seems poised to be completely fucked by the events of it. It’s also a bit impressive AND sad that a comedy movie of all things has such a solid, well put together, coherently shot and edited car chase scene, complete with guys on motorbikes shooting at the vehicle their chasing.

  257. I’m glad it’s enjoyable, Stu. I’m hoping to get out to see it this weekend.

    I could literally see a movie of nothing but Ed Helms screaming and being hysterically upset. It’s that funny to me.

  258. I love formulas can always be applied to different places and different details. I like seeing a concept explored in every possible way through a franchise. I’m certainly not ready to give up on it in the first sequel. (Whew, been waiting to say that…)

    Sure, some of the new versions of old jokes aren’t as funny but it’s interesting how they tried. Not everything worked in the first one either, that’s the nature of comedy. I think it’s why I like TV shows like House too. It’s been seven years, I know that the first diagnosis before the commercial isn’t going to be right, but I want to see every possible way he violates medical ethics and taunts people to get his way. Plus I never cared about the medical part of House. It’s just the funniest show on television.

  259. Vern, that Cracked thing is unconscionable. How hard did you pursue them to get paid? I know at a certain point the time spent becames too great for the money… I’ve been there, unfortunately, sometimes with a long invoice of work completed and published.

  260. I say we fucking carpetbomb Cracked with comments until they pay him.

    Let’s keep it simple. PAY VERN! over and over and over again should get the point across.

  261. “I could literally see a movie of nothing but Ed Helms screaming and being hysterically upset. It’s that funny to me.”
    It’s funny how it’s sorta generally the same character arc for him, but this time around he feels more like the central character than just part of the ensemble. Considering how Bradley Cooper’s got to be a bigger star since the first movie’s release, you’d excuse them for having more focus for his character, but they do the right thing and keep him at just the right level and importance that works for the story, though it is a bit of a shock for a moment when he gets [SPOILER] outside of the strip club.

  262. Guys, I am dead-ass serious. Let’s turn the full might and majesty of the outlaw army on Cracked’s cheeseball ass so they can’t wax hyperbolic about the size of Ghengis Khan’s nutsac in a civilized fashion until they’ve ponied up the 75 bucks or whatever the fuck they owe our man Vern. He’s given us all a home, the least we can can do is cowboy up and be his cavalry.


    Who’s with me?

  263. What else has Bradley Cooper been in? He’s likeable enough and seems like a decent guy to get if Ryan Reynolds is busy. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I actually like Ryan Reynolds quite a lot.

    Did you see Cedar Rapids? I really enjoyed that. It’s not nearly as raunchy but it gave Ed Helms a lot to do and was a really sweet movie.

  264. I’m with Mr Majestyk. It is time to get our soldier on and posse up.

  265. Shit, if it works, let’s target AICN next.


  266. Well Cooper was in the A-TEAM(which gave his character more to do than the tv show generally did), and he starred in LIMITLESS(which I liked). I just meant the first HANGOVER was a bit of a breakthrough for him that made him a bit more of a name. Before that, I didn’t know him by “Bradley Cooper”, but “one of the friends of the main character from ALIAS”, and there seems to be more of a buzz around him and he’s taken to being a leading man pretty comfortable in film. It’s not like Kevin James, where you think “jesus, just demote him back to TV already. He’s not cut out for movies”, and I say that confidently without ever having watched a full Kevin James film.

  267. Yeah, I should’ve gone Point Blank on ’em, but to be honest I didn’t press them about paying me the money. I was more pissed about them making it look like I called Stallone dumb. Somebody in the comments criticized me for it too, and I had to agree with them. So when the guy who claimed he was such a fan didn’t respond to my email I just said “fuck it” and forgot about it.

    I should’ve known not to do it because the sight in general is more smarmy than I like, but I just thought it would be funny to say that I wrote for the websight of a Mad Magazine knockoff. I bet alot of people get lured in by the Sylvester P. Smythe glamour.

  268. I just set up an account and have started working my way through all the articles on the frontpage.

    They just fucked with the wrong comment board.

  269. All of us in Outlaw Nation will rally around our man Vern and fight the good fight.

    I just made an account and will bug my wife to follow along tonight.

  270. Stu, don’t diss Kevin James, especially not when I’m reading it! I definitely won’t watch that upcoming talking animals movie with him, but he has the charisma and the chops and I think he slipped rightfully into this degree of stardom, even if his films say otherwise. But you know what? At this point of his career, I don’t blame him for his choices! I think it’s totally okay for anybody to play it save and earn some money for a while, he just should make sure that he isn’t overdoing it.
    But to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he pops up soon in a Coen Brothers movie or something like that.

  271. Also I’m gonna help take down Cracked as soon as I find a way to unblock that website from my browser.

  272. Jareth Cutestory

    May 26th, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    When I get to a workstation that allows me to access Cracked I’ll do the same. I’ll probably stick with “FUCK CRACKED! PAY VERN!” as a motto becuase I don’t trust them or their readers to get the reference if I chant “ATTICA! ATTICA!”

    Also, we all know CRAZY was the better MAD Magazine knock-off.

  273. “Say, Majestyk, why didn’t you get your work done today?”

    “Well, the thing is, I was busy terrorizing a popular humor website. You understand.”

  274. What would you say is James’ “thing” though, CJ? Fat, bumbling guy who’s deep down really nice? I mean, I know that can work, and I could actually at times watch KING OF QUEENS, but I just don’t see him as “21st Century John Candy”, like I get the feeling they’re going for with him, more a poor man’s Jon Favreau. I don’t mean to be hating on the guy, I just mean I wouldn’t see myself going to one of his movies on the strength of him being in it is all.
    RE: Cracked. That’s terrible, what they did, but wouldn’t spamming their comments just increase their hits with easily ignored complaints? I’ve seen their comments section and it’s kindler gentler version of the AICN ones at times. Plus this call to arms makes me worried we’re turning into some sort of low-tech version of ANONYMOUS, and who wants that?

  275. That sounds like pinko talk to me, Stu.

  276. Jareth Cutestory

    May 26th, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    I prefer to think of us as a high-tech, cerebral Fight Club. Or a real mean Joy Luck Club.

  277. “That sounds like pinko talk to me, Stu.”
    Yeah, well you’re the one who wants to go “terrorizing”, so obviously you hate Freedom and America! As a Scotsman, I say “Ah cannae dae it Captain!”

  278. Or the Care Bears, only with biting wit and time on our hands instead of feelings.

  279. I’m jacked in and ready to hack their mainframe, Wintermute. Which article do we start with? Vern’s?

  280. Pay Vern, and that’s the fuckin’ shit/And if you disagree, suck a couple pimple covered dicks.

  281. Shit, I didn’t even think of that, Darryl. Good thinking.

    I’m still the jefe of this insurrection, though. I’m Megatron, you’re Starscream. Don’t get any ideas.

  282. I’m kinda’ enjoying their little videos. Is that part of the plan?

  283. How many people do you think it would take to get #FuckCracked #PayVern trending on Twitter?

  284. Yeah, it’s too bad that they’re actually kind of funny and informative. Because they’re going DOWN.

  285. Whew! What a rush! I feel like I should run and hide behind a bush and giggle.

  286. Keep going! Sooner or later, something will happen! Or maybe it won’t! Those are literally the only options! I don’t know about you, but I like those odds!

  287. oh my God, this is crazy, I can’t believe I’ve started a war between Cracked and us

    what have I done?

  288. Hey guys…while I like that we’re a Really Mean Joy Luck Club, or a Totally Badass Oprah’s Book Club, or whatever, I don’t want us to become an Open-Minded and Considerate 4Chan.

    This board is great because it’s like Switzerland, (but without the blood money from the Holocaust…I think), let’s not be gettin’ all Dubya on Cracked’s ass…crack. “They tried to gyp my buddy!” and all that. Instead, why don’t we all just use Vern’s nifty Amazon link to buy more shit we don’t need with money we don’t have so that he can get a little kickback.

  289. Also, was the original Fuck Cracked! Pay Vern! thing supposed to sound like OFWGKTA? Because…I’m not sure I’m down with that…

  290. If you tell them to pay me they won’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. This was a couple years ago. I don’t even remember what the amount was or what the name of the guy was that promised it to me. It wasn’t Sylvester P. Smythe, it was some other guy.

    About Kevin James – when I saw the trailer for Hitch I thought it was cool they had an unknown guy starring with Will Smith. Somebody had to explain to me that he was a huge sitcom star. I’ve never seen his movies, they don’t look funny to me, but I’ll probly have to watch the MMA comedy he’s working on now. Bas Rutten is in it, and I think that guy’s hilarious. Kevin James is actually in the crowd in some of the old UFCs too.

  291. Actually, I like this idea much better if no one at Cracked will have ANY idea what we’re all yelling about.

  292. I don’t plan on making this kind of tomfoolery a habit. I was just feeling feisty and I thought we needed a field trip.

  293. And as the inventor of FUCK CRACKED! PAY VERN! I have no idea what OFWGKTA means.

    Oh Fuck Wombats Go Kill The Asshole?

  294. I’m the one who made the OFWGKTA reference. Don’t pin that shit on Majestyk.

  295. Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All

    It’s a “hip” rap group that rants about rape and murder on very single one of their chorus-less, minimalist beats. Also, they released like 11 albums for free over the last year and they’re all between 17-22. They’re a lot like Eminem or Insane Clown Posse, but less fun and with less creative beats. I mean, I guess it’s better than Relapse. But frankly, if you *must* listen to Horrorcore music, ICP is the way to go. At least they sound like they’re having fun.

  296. That said, The dudes in Odd Future are actually very talented. They just have nothing to say, whatsoever.

  297. “I don’t plan on making this kind of tomfoolery a habit. I was just feeling feisty and I thought we needed a field trip.”
    Phew. I was worried this was becoming like the League of Shadows from BATMAN BEGINS, with you as Liam Neeson, and I suppose Darryll would be Cillian Murphy. Not sure who’s Ken Watanabe in this situation though.
    “Gentlemen, time to spread the word. And the word is…”Fuck Cracked! Pay Vern!”.

  298. I would obviously be Ken Watanabe

  299. Can I be someone in a better movie? ZING!

    I’ll echo Stu on the Hangover Strikes Back. It’s good and if you liked the first one you will likely enjoy this one. There’s a little more “fan service” than I would have cared for, but I’m probably alone in my dislike of overt pandering. I also don’t think the monkey jokes were as funny as they thought they were and I really do love me some Zach Galifianakis but I think they overplayed his character some and it got in the way of some scenes. Still, it’s solid and enjoyable. I’d give it an 85% in my scale of Fast Five with 100% being Fast Five. Thor was around 80%. I hope The Six and the Furious is about 150%.

  300. Wait. I thought I was Starscream. Now I’m Cillian Murphy? This sidekick gig is a tough racket. Well, at least I helped induce some fear into those Cracked bastards. They may not know who they’re messin’ with or why or even care that much but, damn it, they been messed with. Vern, the cheque is practically in the mail.

  301. David O. Russell’s quit the UNCHARTED movie. I’m kinda mixed in how I feel about it. While I didn’t like the sound of the changes he’d be making to the plot, he did seem serious about trying to do a good job with whatever idea of the film he planned to make, and god knows who’ll get the job now.

  302. ThomasCrown442

    May 27th, 2011 at 8:51 am

    David O. Russell was always a weird choice for that movie. Kinda like Michael Gondry with The Green Hornet. Take someone with weird tastes who usually sticks to smaller, more personal movies, and have them direct an action adventure movie. Usually, it doesn’t turn out too well. Russell had a higher than normal chance to to succeed because he showed he can direct action scenes with Three Kings but it was still an odd choice. The downside is, they’ll probably grab some vanilla director who’ll make a vanilla action movie now. The Uncharted Series has a real chance to “reboot” the Indiana Jones/Romancing the Stone genre.

  303. Uncharted will probably never be made. Someone’s gonna wake up and realize spending 100 million on a video game movie is bad business.

  304. I’ve never even heard of this Uncharted game. I’m not a big video gamer even though we own a Wii and an XBox 360. I’d rather paint some miniature toy soldiers and play games with those.

    I really, really, really like Three Kings, though. I’d be game to see what he did with a video game movie. The only reason I was excited for Thor was because I wanted to see what Branagh would do with it. I never did get around to seeing The Green Hornet, Gondry’s Science of Sleep put me to sleep with its boringness, but is it worth seeing? As a tall, chubby, ginger Jew with glasses I have nothing but love for Seth Rogen.

  305. Casey:

    Try watching Science of Sleep with a lady friend. It’s an incredible aphrodisiac, seriously. I donno why, but it’s way more effective than Sex Panther.

  306. Uncharted is a PS3 game and its basically an Indiana Jones type story about a relic hunter who chases ancient artifacts. I’ve only played the first game but it was pretty fucking awesome. Good story, the dialogue was funny and engaging, the gameplay/action was good, even the romance aspect of it worked. The main character reminds me of Nathan Fillion in Firefly/Serenity. Any story that inolves guns, treasure hunting, Nazi U boats (with dead nazi’s inside), pirates, lots of violent deaths, puzzles, and conquistadors, is bound to be pretty good. This from a videogame no less.

  307. Has anyone here seen CHAWZ? It is a Korean JAWS remake featuring a giant boar instead of a shark. I really enjoyed it and much like JAWS and THE HOST, it is the strong cast of well developed characters that make the film so good. I would say THE HOST is a slightly better film overall but CHAWZ features way more badass moments. The other thing that is fun about the film is the creative way they adapted JAWS, a film about a shark, that takes place in a small coastal town to a film about a giant killer boar with a taste for human flesh that terrorizes a small farming village. CHAWZ does show the limit of its budget at times, but when you finally see the killer boar you will not be disappointed. I highly recommend checking it out.

  308. It also has the sort of set pieces that should be a no brainer to try to adapt for the movies.

  309. Jareth Cutestory

    May 27th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Tawdry Hepburn: I like SCIENCE OF SLEEP and asked a girlfriend to watch it with me once. She replied: “Fuck that AMELIE shit” and put on Miike’s AUDITION.

  310. Wow, that does look really cool. Sort of reminds me of Half Life in that it really tries to set up its battles to feel as cinematic as possible.

    I wanted to like Science of Sleep. The girl I saw it with didn’t even like it and she spoke French. It just didn’t work. Also, I’m a huge fan of Amelie but has anyone else seen Micmacs? Boy, that movie just did not click for me and I so wanted it to. A French movie about a gang of misfits with different abilities taking on a capitalist death merchant? I really dislike it when a movie that has a premise tailor made for me doesn’t work out as well as I hope it will.

  311. Jareth, marry that girl. And then sleep with one eye open.

    Casey, Micmacs was fun. And that’s it. light comedy. Nothing more required.

  312. I played the original Uncharted over 3 years ago, it was pretty awesome, but I still have not got around to playing the second and now they’re already coming out with the third

    anyway as the resident hardcore gamer here, I have some strong opinions on video game movies

    an unarguably good video game movie is a pipe-dream that has eluded gamers for decades now, so much so that it makes me wonder whether it can be done and whether it should even be attempted at all

    one hand I think that if you just get the right talent, the right cast, the right director and the right script it could happen, someone of the caliber of Spielberg could probably do it, but on the other hand there’s a fundamental problem with adapting a video game and that’s you’re taking an INTERACTIVE medium and turning into a NON-interactive experience and a lot is lost in translation, video games tell their stories in a totally different way than movies, they have their own story styles and beats and that jazz, but to put it in another way there’s a fundamental difference between BEING Master Chief from Halo and kicking ass and just WATCHING Master Chief kick some ass

    so I figure that the only way to do it is to just take the basic premise and setting of a game and go in your own direction, but plenty of video game movies do just that and they still suck, is that just because they have a bad director and script? or is it just plain impossible? what you get at the end of the day is a lot of video game movies are just bad knockoffs of the movies that inspired them, Tomb Raider is just a bad Indiana Jones with a woman, Resident Evil is just a ripoff of Romero’s zombie movies etc etc

    but the biggest problem with video game movies and the biggest reason that makes me think they shouldn’t be done at all is that for whatever bizarre reason, once a movie of a game is made it fundamentally changes the game series itself and often ruins it, I’d rather just have the games remain good instead of ruined by a bad movie

    some examples are

    after the Resident Evil movies the Resident Evil video games went from slow methodical survival horror to glorified action games with tank controls

    Silent Hill: the example that hurts me the most, the Silent Hill series was from brilliant Japanese horror in an American setting and then after they mad a westernized movie the series went through it’s “fat Elvis” period and the games became bad westernized games, the recent Wii Silent Hill was pretty good, but the series was never the same after the movie and rumor has the movie may have had something to do with why the original developers quit

    still, I can’t help but fantasize about what a good video game movie could be like, there was a period in the early 2000’s where video games were hot shit in Hollywood, countless game series got snapped up by studios but many of those were never made, I think one problem is that Uwe Boll ruined video game movies respectability, he turned what Hollywood saw as potential blockbusters into Godawful B-movies, had it not been for Uwe Boll maybe the Peter Jackson produced Neill Blomkamp directed Halo movie would have been made and it would have been the first greta video game movie

  313. also, I apologize for such a long post, but at least it gives you guys something to read

  314. Griff, it took Hollywood a long time to figure out how to make good films based on comic books and not just undervalue them as properties with a very small limited market. Look how long it took to make a truly great Batman film that was not campy or completely over the top. Video games are treated in similar regard, and I bet it will be some time before someone with real skill and passion for the material nails it and makes a great video game film. Then after that the flood gates will be open, and the market will be flooded with quality video game films the way the market is with comic book films now.

  315. I hope that happens one day Charles, that would be really cool

    off the top of my head two video game series I think could make good movies are

    Fallout: because Fallout has such a cool and fleshed out setting (basically a retro-futuristic 1950’s post apocalyptic wasteland) you could have just about any story or characters you wanted in it, I could easily see a talented director making an awesome action movie out of it

    Bioshock: the only way to do Bioshock justice would be to make it basically like Metropolis, a story of this fantastic city and it’s downfall rather than just trying a straight adaption of the games storyline, that could work

  316. Griff, I have played Fallout 3 and both of the Bioshock games, and I agree that either has the potential to be made into a good film. However, Bioshock would need a massive budget and some talented people working on it to properly capture the scale and design of the Bioshock world.

  317. I would argue that two very good video game movies already exist. Miike’s LIKE A DRAGON and Corey Yuen’s DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE. Hollywood just needs to make some more like those.

  318. Ubisoft announced recently they were going to start developing movies based on Tom Clancy’s SPLINTER CELL, ASSASSIN’S CREED and something else that I can’t remember right now. ASSASSIN’S CREED excites me the most, as I’m a big fan of the series and would love to see it done right, a complex sci fi historical conspiracy thriller action adventure movie with big budget realisations of the Crusades and the Renaissance eras. I also think they should consider different formats/mediums for game adaptations other than film. TV miniseries, animation, shorts. A PORTAL adaptation could work well as either of the second two, as no way could I see a 90+ minutes film version keeping faithfull with stuff like Chell not talking and there no “action”, other than her surviving the tests.
    Speaking of video game movies, that reminds me I’ve been wondering if Vern plans to review the TEKKEN movie…

  319. ThomasCrown442

    May 27th, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    I’m afraid a Fallout 3 movie would just end up being another generic post apocalyptic movie like Book of Eli or something. Part of the appeal of that game was its rpg elements and the sheer amount of things to do in the game. Bioshock on the other hand could be an incredible movie. Its mostly a first person shooter but with its achitecture, setting, and mood, it could be a cross between Metropolis and an awesome sci-fi action flick. It also has a suprisingly deep story. Charles is right though, it would need like a $150 million dollar budget to do it justice.

    By the way, am I the only one who liked Hitman? Maybe its because Olga Kurylenko is unbelievably hot but I enjoyed that one (even though a lot of it doesnt make sense). It kept me entertained the whole time which is more than i can say for about 99% of most videogame adaptations.

  320. I’m still waiting for Terence Malick’s SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS.

  321. Francis Ford Coppola’s CONTRA

    “Two thumbs up up down down B A B A select start!”
    –Roger Ebert

  322. Wes Anderson’s THE SIMS: Brazenly artificial characters wander around colorful hermetic environments seemingly designed by a cruelly whimsical God, speaking an unintelligible language all their own.

  323. guess what Mr. Majestyk, they really were gonna make a Sims movie at some point, I shit you not

    not directed by Wes Anderson however

  324. Well of course they were. It’s a brand name. We’re about four years away from SPRITE: THE MOTION PICTURE.

  325. Mr. Majestyk, they already made Coke the movie it was called MAC & ME.

    There’s also a great fan film series called THERE WILL BE BRAWL which puts nintendo characters into a dark urban setting…while still having them in costume and using stuff like mushrooms and invincibility stars and such.

  327. there’s actually seemingly dozen of video game movies that never happened, I have an old video game magazine that had an article devoted to upcoming game movies and most of them never happened, I’m too lazy to dig out the issue but off the top of my head there’s…

    Deus Ex
    Eternal Darkness
    Fatal Frame
    American McGee’s Alice
    Metal Gear Solid
    Clock Tower
    Gears of War
    Cold Fear
    Fear Effect
    Crazy Taxi
    Pac Man
    Spy Hunter
    Area 51

  328. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Jareth Cutestory:

    During my first year of college, I went on a first date with a girl to go see American Gangster. I picked the movie, so I figured that I owed her one. The preview for Definitely, Maybe played and I leaned over and said, “That looks…cute.” Without skipping a beat, she turned to me and said, “What are you, a fucking retard?” It was then that I knew she was a keeper.

  329. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Video game movies are fatally flawed for several reasons, not the least of which is that no one has ever played a video game for the story. Sure, it’s a nice bonus, but narrative is antithetical to video games as a medium: novels, plays, movies and tv shows are all predicated upon internal and external conflict. A video game cannot create internal conflict. They exist to facilitate physical action. As such, an accurate translation of a video game cannot function as a narrative.

    The medium is the message/massage.

  330. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    A video game film that functions as a deconstruction of video games, however, could be excellent. Wes Anderson’s The Sims, for example, actually strikes me as an excellent idea.

  331. I don’t want to start a big debate about the artistic merits of video games, but I just want to say tawdry hepburn that I’ve played video games for the story and story matters a whole lot to me in video games

    anyway I think the easiest games to adapt into a movie would be those classic point and click adventure games, like those Lucasarts ones (Monkey Island, Full Throttle, Grim Fandango, The Dig etc), since those games were all about story, dialogue and characters, but to the best of my knowledge there’s never been a movie based on an adventure game, strange

    wasn’t Spielberg actually gonna make a movie of The Dig at some point?

  332. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I’m not saying that video games cannot be art. I’m saying that the internal dilemma is transfered to the player and is not actually represented within the game itself.

  333. There are plenty of good stories in the games of video. I picked up Dead Space a few months ago for $5 at the Game Stop and thought there was an interesting story there. I remember Homeworld, Half Life, and a bunch of other games having really good storylines as well.

    I’m going to do something I hate doing but feel forced to do. I have to admit that I actually like Uwe Boll. I saw House of the Dead in college at the theatre and had a few 40s in the parking lot with some friends before seeing it. That movie is INSANE. It’s never for a second boring and is just stupid, loud, offensive, and just totally ridiculous. Alone in the Dark has some insane and stupid moments but doesn’t go to the same lengths. I don’t know, he doesn’t make good movies and if I was all caught up in video game culture I guess I would be annoyed that he has hurt the respectability of that subculture, although much less than someone like Penny Arcade or general racist / homophobic / women hating video game online culture, but his movies are never boring. How he gets so much hate and those Underworld movies get a pass, or at least not as much bile, is totally beyond me.

    I know I’m a pretty one note guy but my go to film makers are the Coen Brothers. They’ve been so varied and able to do so many genres that I’d be game (intended) for them to make a movie based on Chrono Trigger or Metroid or something.

  334. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 5:29 pm


    You’ve preferred games with good stories. But you would never play a game with shitty gameplay just because of the story. Or YOU might, but the game itself would be failure.

    Individual chess pieces can be art. The design of the board can be art. But a game of chess itself cannot be art. Of course, Alice in Wonderland and one of the Harry Potter books DID turn a game of chess into an emotionally resonant work of art (if only for a single sequence each). But even then, it was a deconstruction of the game that worked, not a recreation or adaptation of the game itself.

  335. how does Penny Arcade hurt gaming culture? if anything I would say they help it because they have a charity whee they help sick kids with cancer and stuff

  336. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Honestly Casey, would you rather see the Coen Brothers make a Chrono Trigger movie…or an original Coen Brothers movie.

    In 20 years you will have a generation of filmmakers who grew up on video games. This will change the approach, just like you now have a generation of talented filmmakers who grew up on B-movies and gooey horror films. Maybe I will be proven wrong then, but based upon current evidence and my interpretation of art (as based on McLauren and Truffaut), I don’t think it is possible to make a good video game adaptation…unless it’s a good movie and a shitty adaptation.

  337. Tawdry, I’m totally up for whatever the Coen Brothers want to do. Like Clint Eastwood they have earned a lifetime pass from me and they’ll get my $10 (although our Digital Experience showing of Hangover 2 was $15.50 last night) for whatever they make.

    I used to be a fan of PA, Griff. I was on board from the beginning when they were making fun of SiN. At a certain point it became really obvious that they were not as smart or as funny as they thought they were. They also love to knock down strawmen, really don’t like women, are privileged white bourgeois nerds who don’t know anything outside of their incredibly narrow set of interests, and are just otherwise terrible.

    I remember when Israel had its war in Lebanon a few years ago and I worked in a shop with a bunch of Lebanese guys. I had an idea of working with the local university to get a bunch of old Game Boys and other toys to send to these kids. When I brought this up the guys I worked with were shocked that my response to war was to send video games to children who were living through death and destruction.

    So, yeah, I guess it’s a nice thing they do with their Child’s Play charity. It’s just not nearly as awesome of a thing to do as they make it out to be and they’ve been pretty shameless about bringing it up all the time as a way to deflect any criticism against them when they’ve otherwise been terrible.

    It’s less that they’re bad and more that they represent the very worst of that culture. I just dislike people who come from relative privilege and they get so wrapped up in a fight against some random asshole who wants to outlaw video game violence that they can’t be bothered to look up real issues that actually matter. That’s part of why I like Vern so much, he enjoys movies and has a life but he also knows what’s up in this crazy world of ours.

  338. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 6:08 pm


    You make good points about the shallowness of their charity work. It’s almost like Evangelizing at a point. But I still think that there can be some catharsis in creating a fiction out of a real trauma. I know that some of my best writing, probably the majority of my best writing, came from turning incredibly traumatic actions into comedies and fantasy action. As I’ve brought up before, I’ve almost been murdered, twice, in hate crimes and I still love ultraviolent movies…possibly more than before the assaults.

    Also, I’d say that fighting the banning of video game violence is indeed a noble cause. The First Amendment is central to our culture and ANY cracks in that armor could be carcinogenic to everything that is good about America. I am passionate about anti-censorship of film. I am passionate about anti-censorship of pornography (even though I am not a regular consumer). I am a strong supporter of Nazis right to march peaceably, even though I am a Jew. I am basically a three issue voter: I am pro-first amendment, anti-violence toward women and minorities, and anti-genocide.

    post script: I trust we’re all adult enough to not turn this into a discussion of Israel/Lebanon.

  339. I totally agree with your points. I’m also completely against censorship and all that jazz. I just get the impression that PA, and a lot of that culture, only cares because it directly affects them personally. I don’t think they care much for anything outside of what they see. But I agree, as a Jewish person as well I believe that a democracy can only exist when all parties are free to express their views.

    I agree with how games and books can be very helpful. I’ve also been assaulted, was stabbed and was in the hospital for a few days because of a mugging, and violent movies are just as appealing to me as before. I’ve become a lot more politically minded as I’ve grown older and I become really wary of movies that glamorize violence or shows individuals of privilege inflicting violence against lower classes and does so in an exploitive way.

    Yeah, I don’t care to get into a conversation about Israel and all that jam. I just think it’s all incredibly sad and there’s just so much hatred and tragedy and I think it’s just one of those conversations that goes no where because of a total breakdown of empathy on all sides.

  340. well Casey, I’m not a big fan of Penny Arcade or anything, I’m only very casually familiar with them (video game magazines used to love to print their comics), but they seem funnier than most video game centric webcomics especially considering most webcomics are Godawful (like Control Alt Delete and it’s infamous miscarriage plot)

    I guess it makes sense though that they would simply start that charity as a way to deflect criticism considering the nature of the internet and all that (people take stuff on the interne waaaaaay too seriously)

  341. tawdry hepburn

    May 27th, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Fuck you, I like jazz. Unless you meant the movie Chicago, in which case, yeah, fuck that.

    As for PA only caring about about video game censorship…I’m cool with that. I never play video games. I’ve never owned a system that hooks up to a television. Hell, I don’t even own a tv. As such, I’d prefer that PA and their ilk fight for the issues about which they are passionate. They’re undoubtedly better advocates for video game’s first amendment rights than I could ever hope to be.

  342. I don’t think PA started Child’s Play as a cynical ploy. I think they started it because I’m sure they had an idea and it made them feel good. It’s just the kind of charity that doesn’t really matter and doesn’t really do a whole lot except make them and their community feel good.

    Unfortunately I know some of the feminists side of the Dick Wolves fiasco and seeing the PA guys use Child’s Play as a shield against their overt ugliness and it then became cynical, to me at least.

    I hope I didn’t offend anyone here, Griff. My experience with most people into gaming in one form or another is that they’re incredibly myopic, a little racist, and don’t understand their privilege and oftentimes show a total lack of empathy. That’s not everyone, but it’s easy to see just by going online to different video game forums and looking at various webcomics like PA.

  343. Don’t mean to change the topic but I was sad to hear that Gil Scott-Heron died today. He had some real devils to deal with since the ’80s but managed to squeeze out one last album last year and it’s a pretty moving one to me, lots of songs about being a fuckup and trying to be better.

    You guys might’ve heard of “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.” I got a special place in my heart for a more obscure early 80s album he did called Reflections. There’s this great song “B Movie” that’s all about Reagan. “This ain’t really your life, ain’t really ain’t nothin but a movie.” And “Gun” which is about understanding why somebody would want a gun but not wanting one himself. And “Is That Jazz” is a deep one about overanalyzing and losing track of the true meaning of something. “What it has will surely last… but is that jazz?”

    In those days he was such a strong voice and so full of positivity, making it seem so cool to be political. I heard some bad/sad stories about him in the later years and I guess he lost all his teeth. But I hoped he would pull it together one of these days. As they say, he will be missed.

    Anyway I’m out of town right now, I won’t have anything new for a couple days but coming up soon I’m gonna unveil a major new review series in my ongoing study of the evolution of the Big Summer Popcorn Movie. So look forward to that maybe, hopefully it will be of interest.

  344. sounds exciting Vern, but what are gonna be out of town for ehhh?

  345. Wow that really sucks, Vern. I remember my step father listening to some of him when I was a kid. I think it’s one of those things that laid dormant in my that really sparked political consciousness in the last few years.

    I’m looking forward to your study of the Big Summer Popcorn Movie!

  346. Jareth Cutestory

    May 28th, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I like the SILENT HILL movie. I’m not a video gamer guy at all, but I can appreciate that the fans of the game aren’t much impressed with the movie. I always hear how the film fails to capture everything that makes the game special. Someone needs to make a dvd of someone playing the SILENT HILL game start to finish so that guys like me who don’t enjoy video games can just watch the story.

    Griff: Not sure if you’ve seen this one, but a Korean film called RESURRECTION OF THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL employs video game techniques with a fair degree of success. In my completely uninformed opinion.

    Vern: I like how Gil-Scott Heron acted like a protective figure over the hip hop he helped shape. He was always sending out little messages telling the young MCs to not waste the opportunities their medium afforded them. I figure the Too Live Crew didn’t get his memos.

    Also, thanks to this thread I now know that Chucky the killer doll has his own charity.

  347. Hey, Vern, I’m noticing a couple of films conspicuously missing from your review vault. Specifically, I’m referring to the great Shaw Brothers flick Five Deadly Venoms and its sequel-in-lazy-American-naming-conventions Return of the Five Deadly Venoms, AKA Crippled Avengers, AKA Mortal Combat, AKA The Greatest Kung Fu Movie Ever Made As Proven By A Bucnh Of Egghead Scientists In A Lab. Five Deadly Venoms is historically significant, as this is the film that first united these guys on the screen. Think of it as the Venoms’ Oceans 11. But Crippled Avengers is the true, undisputed masterpiece. See, Five Deadly Venoms is incredibly awesome in its own right, but that was the first time these guys all worked together so they used that film to learn how to mesh properly, and Crippled Avengers is the film where they come together like Voltron or some shit, in a harmonious display of righteous ass kicking with a social message. See, Crippled Avengers is like the manifesto for the empowerment of cripples worldwide. Think of it as the cripple’s version of “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” or “Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud”, only in Mandarin with some ass kicking for those sonsabitches who can’t get with the program. I hope you will soon come to rectify this oversight, and believe me, your life will be greatly improved by having these two masterpieces in it.

  348. Glad I saw Gil Scott-Heron in Dublin last year, shame he’s gone. That last album was terrific, would have been interesting to see where he would have gone next. Oh well.

  349. I didn’t feel like reading through this entire thread so stop me if this has been discussed, but is anybody else stoked that Tony Jaa left the monastary and is now doing pre-production on The Protector 2? Cause thats fuckin awesome, hopefully we get a return of modern Tony doing crazy ass shit that we didn’t think was possible. The Ong-Bak movies just went a little sideways towards the end of 2 and most all of 3. Anyways, just watched the original Thai version of Protector on blu and damn I almost forgot how good that movie is. Somebody needs to count how many guys he lays out in that movie. Or how many bone breaking sound effects they use. Could make a good drinking game.

  350. I’m bored, let’s all name a movie or movies that we think are really underrated and should all check out

    Miracle Mile is what I would pick, man is that an awesome movie, I mentioned it last year when I watched it, but I though I’d give it another shout out

    I love everything about that movie, from the excellent pacing, to Anthony Edwards, to the interesting look at 1980’s LA, to the Tangerine Dream score

    it’s a shame that the movie is not better known, it certainly deserves to be

    I’d love for Vern to review it one day

  351. Jareth Cutestory

    May 28th, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Griff: That’s not an easy task you’ve set up for us. Our collective love for genre film and general fuckedupedness tend to put over-looked gems into the thick of conversation quite often. I mean, this is a site that gets more excited about DON’T LOOK NOW than TITANIC. We probably all find stuff like RUBBER’S LOVER more romantic than 500 DAYS OF SUMMER.

    Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s KAIRO is totally obscure to the casual horror fan, known more for the awful American remake, but it’s something of a favorite among us. Kurosawa’s CURE is less talked about but is arguably just as good as KAIRO.

    DRACULA’S DAUGHTER isn’t necessarily the most top-notch obscure film I can think of off the top of my head, but it’s interesting to watch if only to see how some of the tropes we complain about in recent vampire films were present in a film in 1936. Anne RIce’s self-loathing vampires are in there, as is the idea of vampires being addicts. Also the lesbianism from THE HUNGER. It also reminds us how clunky sequels aren’t a recent thing.

  352. – griff

    I love Miracle Mile. Fantastic script.

    Okay, I`ll play along. I think that John Singletons actionmovies; Shaft, 2 Fast 2 Furious and Four Brothers are underrated. They are not misunderstood masterpieces by any means, but wellcrafted oldfashioned actionmovies, you know, the type of movies we have been missing from the last decade. I especially like Singletons action-scenes; basic, short and hard as hell. And you actually care about the characters. They got a solid build-up, are important to the story, no shakycam and no avidfarts, just badasses shooting each other down in a realistic and brutal manner. And Shaft got 3 great performances by Christian Bale, Toni Colliette and Jeffrey Wright.

    Not underrated, but almost forgotten classics; The Train with Burt Lancaster (pretty sure it`s the first actionmovie with a buff and halfnaked actionstar yielding a machine-gun towards the audience) and The Desperate Hours with Bogart. What a movie!

  353. Jersey Girl.
    There, I said it. Smith’s finest piece of filmmaking, maybe Ben Affleck’s best acting performance, George Carlin should have gotten an Oscar (and he had deserved it!) and it’s the only movie I know that shows 100% authentic kids behaviour. Yes, the I wish the last act would be less predictable, but if one movie in the last decade did not deserved to be panned by critics and audiences, it was JERSEY GIRL. (We all know they projected their hate for Jennifer Lopez onto this movie. And she is only in it for the first 10 minutes [spoiler]!)

  354. yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but I remember being confused to learn that Jersey Girl has a reputation as being an awful movie when I thought it was pretty good, not “awful” at least

    Kevin Smith is just an easy target for pessimistic nerds I think

  355. I recently watched TRIP WITH THE TEACHER, a crazed biker/rape-sploitation B-movie from ’75. It’s grungy, low budget, nasty, and surprisingly good.

  356. Zalman King is a total slimeball.

  357. I just recommended CHAWZ the other day in this thread. It is a Korean JAWS remake featuring a giant boar instead of a shark. I don’t know if it would qualify as underrated but it is a film that may not be on peoples radar that is worth checking out.

    Also, if you are in the mood for pure insanity you have to check out the Japanese film HOUSE. The less you know about it going in the better, but if I had to describe it I would say that it is a psychedelic mash-up of cinematic influences that plays like a live action version of a Japanese children’s program if it were directed by Sam Raimi. If you are a fan of cult cinema or just love bizarre shit you have to check it out.

  358. Charles, HOUSE was amazing. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing most of the time. By the end I felt like I was on drugs.

    Your Sam Raimi comparison is good but it’s all so very japanese it’s hard to compare it to any western director or style. It’s total dismissal of logical storytelling was actually refreshing. Pure imagination with no imposed limits on what could be included. By the time the disembodied legs came out of the flying lamp to do battle with the demonic, blood spewing, cat picture while the house flew apart and the piano munched on girls extremities I was pretty much entranced.

    Ironically, HOUSE was a reaction by the japanese film industry to the rash of imported blockbusters of the time, like JAWS. After an innovative marketing campaign that was ahead of it’s time, HOUSE did really good business in japanese cinemas. I can’t even imagine a film like it even being released in North America.

  359. Darryll, HOUSE does make you feel like you are on drugs. It a completely crazy and unique cinematic experience. Words to no do it justice. It has to be seen to truly appreciate the madness of it.

  360. I think Master and Commander is really underappreciated. I was lucky enough to see it in the theatre and it was awesome on the big screen but it still holds up on home video. It’s just one of those films that scratches a lot of my itches and it has a great action scene at the end that is one of the best in recent years. It even features a 10 year old that loses an arm and is a total badass at the end.

    I’m not sure how underappreciated it is but I think it should have had a long series of films. There’s like 20 books in the series and I would have really liked a new one of these coming out every year. I grew up reading these and Horatio Hornblower, though, so I’m probably biased. I do think Vern should review it as I think it’s up his alley. It’s a really quiet film but it has a few excellent action scenes.

  361. Casey, I agree. M&C is under-appreciated. Aside from the action I liked the camaraderie of the crew, the details of a life at sea, and the friendship between the captain and the doctor. What a great script with some great performances.

    Unfortunately, I believe PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN came out around the same time and audiences voted for the more fantastic of the two pirate movies. (I know, I know, M&C is not a pirate movie but ask the general public to make that distinction and you’ll get blank stares.)

  362. Yeah, pardon my double post here but I was just thinking about M&C a little more. What I liked was that the camaraderie of the crew I mentioned seemed to be a direct result of the Captain’s friendship with the doctor. That relationship kept the Captain’s spirits high, his judgement fair, and his mind sharp. All of which translated directly to the crew’s healthy morale. A lot of modern workplaces could take a lesson from this film.

  363. I really wanted a sequel to M&C to; too bad it made like no money. Now poor Paul Bettany has to resort to making crap like PRIEST & LEGION. But hey at least he gets to sleep with Jennifer Connelly. She’s no longer in her prime but dammit it’s still Jennifer Connelly.

  364. I liked that the relationship between Aubrey and Maturin was such a big part of the movie. The M&C series is referred to as the Aubrey and Maturin series, afterall.

    I think it’s one of those movies that had a hard time finding an audience. I had to see it at the Cinema Arts in Fairfax, VA which is an independent theatre that plays mostly smaller or foreign movies. It’s a great place but I’m not sure if M&C played at any of the bigger chain theatres around here. I think it’s the kind of movie that was a throw back to an older time. It was a movie of manly men doing manly things and there were no romantic subplots that got in the way.

    I don’t see that type of movie doing well anymore, which is really unfortunate as I don’t think The Great Escape, Lawrence of Arabia, Bridge Over the River Kwai, or tons of other movies that I have a lot love for would work for much of today’s audience. Well, that’s not fair, I think those movies would be received well by those that saw them I’m just unsure if people would go out of their way to see them in the first place.

  365. Lemme see… movies that used to be well known, are generally acknowledged as classics, but barely get a mention these days? Juggernaut, Juggernaut, Juggernaut. (Yeah, I’m hoping that if I mention it often enough, Vern will review it.)

    Jennifer in “The Rocketeer” (good movie by the way, great performances by Jen and Timothy Dalton) was my first big movie “crush”.

    “The Train”? I thought I was the only one who’d even heard of that movie, let alone watched it. Good pick.

  366. I remember the first time I saw what she looked like after LABYRINTH it was some stupid ass movie called CAREER OPPORTUNITIES. Which I only rented cause she looked nice on the cover and it had John Hughes’ name attached.

    It’s actually one of the worst things either of them was involved with but boy did she look hot as fuck. Between that movie and when I sneaked into THE ROCKETEER right after watching T2 I was convinced that she was the greatest looking woman of all time for a while there.

    They remade that stupid CAREER OPPORTUNITIES nonsense shortly after with a black cast and called it STRICTLY BUSINESS. I don’t remember it having any EPMD music but I remember it’s only success was the same one as the one for the other movie which is that the girl was hot as fuck (in the case of the latter movie it was Halle Berry).

  367. Broddie – if you had seen The Hot Spot around that time, do you think your head would have exploded?

    Charles – House is fucking awesome! I actually own the Criterion blu ray, like you said it really does feel like a children’s movie, except there’s blood and nudity, how bizarre is that?

    Master & Commander I’m happy to say I got to see in theaters and it was amazing

  368. I saw CAREER OPPORTUNITIES in the theater on account of that tanktop she had on and no other reason.

    That’s good marketing.

  369. ThomasCrown442

    May 29th, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Sorry, Career Opportunities is one of my favorite movies of all time. I can watch that movie over and over again. I like the premise of a 21 year old guy who refuses to accept reality and grow up, but is forced to during one crazy night locked inside a target store. From Frank Whaley’s performance as the town liar to Dermot Mulroney’s hilarious performance as the dumb/perverted robber, this move rocks. Throw in a heavy dose of Jennifer Connelly’s glorious circa 1990 titties and you have a winner in my book. Props to John Candy and William Forsythe’s hilarious cameos as well. I’m being serious by the way.

  370. Japanese actual kids movies aren’t shy of bloodshed – check out the opening scene of WATARI THE NINJA BOY here. Pretty high bodycount for a kids film.


    This is the trailer. Pretty catchy theme song.


    (actually, the entire film seems to be up on youtube now)

  371. Caoimhin, thank you. WATARI NINJA BOY may be the greatest thing ever in history.

  372. Also, WATARI is pretty great, well worth watching. Full of 1960s fire breathing ninja kid with giant axe goodness.

  373. yeah, but Caoimhín, how many kids movies have nudity? well maybe ones from Norway or Sweden would

  374. Possibly French ones also, it’s not unknown for breasts to appear in daytime advertising there.

  375. Useless trivia: CAREER OPPORTUNITIES was released in Germany under the name KEVIN’S COUSIN ALONE IN A SUPERMARKET.

  376. I also heard that Baby’s Day Out was released in Germany as “Fuck The Pain Away”

  377. No, I think that’s the title in Serbia.
    Oh, did I say that?

  378. The first 7/8 of Career Opportunities is one of my favorite movies too! Endlessly, addictively watchable, relatable characters, fast-paced, a really cute soundtrack, and the “serious” scenes really pack a punch. Then the final 10 minutes totally falls apart in all the worst ways, but i still love the movie, damnit. I’m boggled that there’s never been an alternate ending/deleted scenes DVD/bluray, since the entire ending reeks of re-shoots/focus groups and borders on incoherence. Even the back cover of the movie shows scenes we never saw, and is it just me, or did early commercials show Connelly/Whaley bonding with the two robbers instead of fighting them?

    Also, Broddie – don’t ask me why I know this, but Strictly Business and Career Opportunities came out the same year, and their plots are totally different. I think you’re thinking of another movie, though I would actually LOVE a remake of Career Opportunities done right.

  379. BTW, what was up with John Hughes, putting two stupid criminals into all of his scripts after HOME ALONE? (At least I gotta give FLUBBER credit for having the burglars played by Ted Levine and Clancy Brown. )

  380. Neal – Yeah I remember they dropped the same year that’s why I said shortly after. But true I should’ve said “very loose remake”. Only thing they have in common is that the protagonist is a young guy working a dead end job and that it features a hot hollywood chick in her prime. That’s enough to constitute remake to me LMAO.

  381. CJ – I guess it was his way of trying to recapture lightning in a bottle. Shit didn’t BABY’S DAY OUT have 3 stupid criminals instead of 2? that was him figuring if he upped the ante the money will roll in even bigger. Unfortunately once he started doing this it also cemented his sad down fall. But hey we’ll always have his 80’s classics to look back on.

  382. I was making a reference to Red Letter Media’s review of Baby’s Day Out, I’m a little surprised no one got it

    it seemed pretty hilariously appropriate since Career Opportunities was also written by John Hughes


    also, pizza roll, anybody wanna pizza roll?

  383. CJ – I had no idea Flubber had two stupid criminals in it, but I’m not surprised. I think I heard somewhere Hugh Laurie was one of the two stupid criminals in Hughes’ 101 Dalmations remake, and he might have been electrocuted in the crotch but maybe I’m mixing that up with something else. Man, just thinking of Hughes’ kiddie mid 90s-output makes me sad, and I still remember the way the studios marketed Curly Sue and Dutch based on the few moments of slapstick violence instead of what they really were.

    Griff – The fact that that guy got famous for reviewing the Star Wars/Star Treks and then suddenly rolled into Baby’s Day Out was hilarious. The first time I saw that review I couldn’t stop laughing at the sheer randomness of the choice.

  384. Anyone ever see the movie ‘Emperor of the North?’ Holy shit, it’s like pure badassery distilled into movie form. Lee Marvin vs. Ernest Borgnine on a train? And Borgnine has a fucking hammer he uses to crack hobo skulls? And its from the director of The Dirty Dozen? Just an amazing movie from start to finish.

  385. I’ve never even heard of that movie, but the thought of being stuck on a train with a hammer-wielding Borgnine is pretty much the scariest thing I can think of. I would probably have to magically transform into Lee Marven just to deal with it.

  386. neal – Spot on with the Hugh Laurie reference. He did indeed play ‘Jasper’ of Jasper and Horace fame in the live action ‘Dalmations’ flick. Speaking of Laurie, I read an interview recently where he talked about producing a film adaptation of his novel ‘The Gun Seller’. Great read, the narration and writing style reads very much like you’d expect Laurie to write, kind of a British hard-ass version of House complete with the quick wit and sarcasm abounding. I was bummed he won’t be playing the lead tho, only producing, as he was all I could picture while reading the book.

  387. I’ve heard of it. Trailers From Hell covered it not long ago. You can find the trailer here: http://www.trailersfromhell.com/trailers/690

    It does indeed look epic. They broke the mold after Ernest Borgnine.

  388. EMPEROR OF THE NORTH, I mean. Excuse me.

  389. Its on Netflix Instant. Check it out guys, you will not be disappointed.

  390. Did anybody see KUNG FU PANDA 2? Because I suddenly came across some reviews that suggest, that it might be the first animated post action movie, which would suck seriously hard. Can anybody confirm this?

  391. I never saw Kung Fu Panda 1

  392. Emperor of the North is a must-see Marvin movie, but to really get what the man was capable of you have to seek out Prime Cut (’72) – one of the meanest movies ever made.

  393. Saw X-MEN: FIRST CLASS today and thought it was really good. A great fresh start, with lots of excitement, a bit of humour (including a GREAT cameo) and characterisation. McAvoy and Fassbender are a great double act and the rest of the cast do well(Bacon’s a little weird though. Not quite hammy, but there’s definitely something a bit…arch about his performance, though maybe that’s because his character is the one most 60sed up in appearance and setting. If there’s one problem really, I’d say they maybe tried to cram too much story into it, and some aspects/characters are given short shrift because of it(for instance, did that tornado guy have any lines, or even get referred to by name at all?), but overall a nice surprise.

  394. I’ve hated the X-MEN movies so I’ll pass. To me “a great fresh start” would be Disney getting the movie rights back from FOX. Nice to see Fassbender will finally be a star though since everyone says he steals the movie.

  395. I’m probably gonna see the new X-Men (even though I haven’t seen any of the others) because they filmed some of it right next to where I live, on Jekyll Island (which was also where the Federal Reserve was started, go figure)

    I didn’t get to visit the set though sadly

  396. well guys, I don’t want to start a huge argument or anything knowing how hot button of an issue this is, nor do I want to derail this too much from discussing movies, but this is something that’s been bothering me for a while and you guys are my most trusted buddies on the internet and I’d just like to see what you guys think (warning things are about to get a little personal)

    well to put things bluntly I’ve been going through a bit of a crisis of faith, this is something that’s been under the surface for years, but I’ve always chosen to just kind of ignore it

    I was raised a Christian by my Christian parents and although for years I’ve liked to think of myself as a Christian, I’m afraid I’m not so sure

    the problem is that it absolutely terrifies me (like seriously makes me afraid) to admit that, not only because of the very potent fear of Hell (and I realize that that’s part of the problem with Religion, that it controls people through pure fear), but also because I find the idea of life being essentially pointless really depressing

    of course it’s not like the Religion has any huge bearing on my life, my family only rarely goes to Church (and a Catholic one at that) and I’ve for a long time held a lot of beliefs that don’t really jibe with Christianity, like a relaxed attitude towards sex for example (outside of marriage, homosexuality etc) and I have never been a big fan of the whole “end times and the rapture” thing, it’s always left a bad taste in my mouth, so while technically it might not be a huge leap it is for me

    there’s also the problem that my parents, as much as I love them and as good as they are, would still never accept me as anything other than Christian, there’s no “coming out” for me, so I have to pretend I am regardless of what I really think

    I guess it’s just a part of growing up and faces pretty much everyone at some point in their lives, this has been building for years though ever since I got the internet and actually heard opposing points of view

  397. As an atheist/agnostic I should probably not give you any direct advice on the matter, but maybe you should consider “making up” your own version of christianity? In my opinion belief is a personal thing, and since organized religion tend to be quite rigid, you could choose the things you’re comfortable with and drop the rest. Some of my friends (a christian, a buddhist and a babtist – no, it’s not the start of a joke) have done so, and they seem happier now. A lot of the “rules” are man made anyway, so why shouldn’t you have a say?

  398. I was raised Catholic but ditched any vestiges of religion or spirituality when I was 14. I used to be an uppity prick about it, but I’ve mellowed since then. My advice: Don’t talk about religion with your family. That’s what I do. I know it would break my grandmother’s heart if I told her I didn’t believe we were all going to heaven together, so I let her think whatever she wants. There’s no reason to make an issue out of it. My belief system doesn’t require that I proselytize.

    I also agree with pegsman. The Bible is just a book of philosophy, so take the good bits of advice that mean something to you and forget the rest. Hell, all Christians do that. Otherwise, blind people wouldn’t be able to go to church and people who wore two different kinds of fabric together would be stoned in the streets. But also, check out other works of philosophy. Getting a handle on other religions puts Christianity in perspective and makes it seem less scary to leave it behind.

    Good luck. Enjoy your crisis of faith while it lasts. As you get older, dealing with this world becomes enough to occupy most of your brain power. You don’t have much left over to think about the next one.

  399. Well, Griff, since you brought it up, it turns out I am a Christian. I absolutely 100% believe in the divinity of Christ. I’ve been babtized and everything. From my perspective, there’s a difference between “religion” as a monolithic human institution and “faith” as a personal decision. You state that religion controls people through fear. Based on some of my experiences with ranting hayseed preachers here in Dixie, I would be inclined to agree. Those guys do more to drive people from God than Dawkins and Hitchens put together, but they’re not the whole story. To me, the fundamental tenet of Christianity is free will. You choose to embrace it, or you don’t. God gave the decision to you. For my own part, I am neither a philosopher nor an evangelist (the prominent and sustained use of profanity in my daily discourse is ample proof of that), so I can’t pretend to have any big epiphanies to bestow. What I can say is that, however cliche or banal it may sound, if you sincerely seek God you will find Him. Don’t be discouraged by judgemental hypocrites who try to make you feel that you’re not worthy. For every one of those sanctimonious jerks there’s someone else who will listen to what you have to say and be willing to engage you on a level of thoughfulness and understanding.

    Anyway, peace to all and thanks for listening.

  400. – griff

    I was raised by a religious family too, my grandfather was even a priest, but I never really believed in God, Heaven and Hell. I actually do think that the bible offers some pretty good answers to the mysteries of life, but as the others said; it`s all about how you interpret it anyway.
    I think of it as a pretty good piece of fiction with some amazing subtext. All that stuff about Adam and Eve getting kicked out of paradise is a brilliant psychological methaphor for becoming an adult, and being seperated from your parents because you are becoming a sexual being etc. It`s way ahead of Freud, in my opinion.

    I kind of believe in heaven and hell, but not as real places, more like metaphors of the consequences of how you live your life. As in, if you kill somebody, your life will become hell. Or if you become terrible rich, you won`t find true happiness and so on.
    I think the book offers a lot of good advise on how to make your life heaven, even though shit sometimes does happen (or “the lord works in mysterious ways”, as the christians prefer to put it..)

    One sentence that really stuck out in your post, were “life being pointless”. Well, I don`t believe I can offer any quailified answers to what happens after death, other than that I have absolutely no idea and not enough information to even make a valid suggestion. The only thing I can be sure of, is that I`m proberbly wrong about almost everything regarding the great beyond.
    It makes sense to me that there is nothing and that near-death experiences are your mind tripping, but I`ve also experienced things that I can`t explain…

    But even if there is nothing after death, how does that make life pointless? If we get our heaven or hell in this life, what`s the difference to reap what we sow in a near future, instead of after death? I would actually suggest that believing in turning your life into heaven by being a decent human being, is a better motivation for living your life in the best possible way, than getting your reward for being a good human being (or christian/hindu/muslim etc) after death.

    Also, CLONE WARS season 2 is AWESOME!!

  401. Haha, I’m trying to imagine this conversation on AICN. :P

  402. “Or if you become terrible rich, you won`t find true happiness and so on.”

    I’d be willing to test that theory.

    In my life, I am surrounded by Catholics. My wife and her family are all catholic. Mymom is christian. I call my own particular brand of faith ‘The Church of the Open Question.’ This stance grew out of frustration with so many people and groups claiming to have all the answers. Definitive answers that supersede the answer’s of of others. Also, people that claim they know all the rules to follow in this life and illustrate these rules by pointing out what everyone else is doing wrong.

    In The Church of the Open Question, if someone asks me, well, what do you think happens after you die? My answer is, I don’t know. But I take great comfort in knowing that no one else does either, no matter how loud they claim it. Don’t you know that homosexuality is a sin? I don’t know that it is but the gay people I’ve known are perfectly happy people who don’t seem riddled by guilt over it. That seems like a good attitude to have. I am perfectly willing to listen and explore the various theories but in the end they are just theories and the ones that are designed to limit another’s self expression are usually the ones I ignore.

    I have found this Open Question stance quite liberating, personally. We are all in the mystery together and we all will find the answers together. Anyone that claims to have fast forwarded to the end of the movie for the answers is fooling themselves.

  403. Griff- – I too was raised Christian (went to Catholic school, even — no better way to cultivate a young atheist). I can pretty confidently tell you that there is no God, no gods, no souls, no monsters, no good an evil. There’s plenty of good reasons to think this, but you know them already. The point is that it can be hard for someone who knows this to know what to do with themselves after living so long with people offering easy answers to the hard questions about what you should do with your life.

    Atheism puts the responsibility on you to decide what’s important and meaningful, because there’s no objective answer. Nothing has any independent meaning, it all comes down to what it means to you. That’s a very hard, painful, personal thing to figure out, but as you do (and you’ll be doing it for the rest of your life) at least you can take some comfort in knowing that it’s you thats responsible, that you’re not deflecting the hard questions to some imaginary father figure to validate.

    It’s worth it, I think, although its much more difficult.

    For me, at least at this point in my life, whats important is loving as many people as I can as much as I can and exploring the world to the greatest extent I’m able to. That won’t mean anything at all once I’m gone, but for me, right now, its staggeringly important and valuable. Who knows what’s valuable to you? You may not even know what it is yet, or you may think you know and find that it changes once you start to let go of all your mythological notions of what’s worthwhile. Who knows. But the journey will be an interesting one.

    The other issue for newfound atheists is dealing with people who are too deeply invested in religion to be able to constructively talk about a reality without it. Think about it this way: people have devoted their whole lives to a series of rules which they were told was objectively the most important thing in life, regardless of their personal feelings. You can only base your life around that principle for so long before abandoning it essentially makes your whole life utterly meaningless wasted time. So yeah, they’re gonna be defensive about it and its probably not even worth discussing, quite frankly. Even if you find a theist who can have a civil discussion, there’s not much point since there’s nothing really to debate. I reccomend finding generally open-minded thoughtful people to bounce ideas off of and have the kind of life experiences you need to figure out where you’d like to direct your time, passion, energy, and self-worth.

    Good luck bud. It’s gonna be an interesting ride for awhile, but at least you’ve still got the films of cinema.

  404. I am an Atheist. I’m also the kind of asshole who sincerely thinks that Phelps and Camping are pretty good examples of the whole of religion when taken on a long enough scale. I find the whole system to be a large, delusional, death cult. Religions, when taken as more than fables and folktales, are little more than societal parasites that prey upon the emotions of the weak willed and manipulate culture, almost exclusively to negative results. There are no unique benefits to religious faith* and many, many unique pitfalls. I do not think it is hyperbole to say that religion is the single worst thing that has ever happened to humanity. It is a malignant tumor on our species that will forever hold humanity back from reaching its full potential. And it will very likely be the cause of our undoing.

    That said, I quote the bible daily and find many of its stories deeply moving. I have literally wept from the beauty and depth of some of the poetry found within that book. I also try to pray before going to sleep and before eating meat. So basically, I’m a total hypocrite.

    The ironic thing is, as an Atheist, I spend all day every day searching for meaning, searching for proof and searching for direction, whereas those who are sure of G-d’s existence and goodness probably think less about matters of faith. I desperately want there to be a G-d and a truth and a meaning. But every piece of life I have ever experienced says the exact opposite. I hope to one day be proven wrong, but I am quite sure I will not be.

    *Pascal’s wager is a sucker’s bet because he does not account for the definite and irrefutable damage done by religion. His 1% chance of heaven is not a fair exchange for creating hell on earth.

  405. I’m a secular guy but for a period of my life I was very convinced that my path in life was to become a Rabbi.

    I appreciate faith and religion more than I believe.

    I think the whole question of faith comes down to: do you have any faith? I think it’s a much more emotional and personal question than a logical one. I also don’t think personal faith requires a belief in universal truth.

    I also don’t understand the need to make declarations about what you believe to be universal truth. It’s totally okay to change your mind every day and just live life with a flexible faith.

    I also agree with those that you should feel free to study your faith and determine what it means. I’ve read the New Testament a few times and it seems to me that it mostly discusses loving everyone, being a pacifist, and just doing good works and charity. Issues of sexuality seem totally insignificant to the message of love.

    I don’t know, it seems to me that faith is totally separate from reason or logic. It seems to me that attempts to prove or disprove faith totally miss the point. You either have faith or you don’t. I think just spending your life living what you feel to be a righteous life and spending some time reflecting upon your feelings and life will lead you towards your truth.

    Good luck!

  406. Jareth Cutestory

    June 2nd, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Casey: Keirkegaard wrote that reason and logic are essential to achieve faith; it is reason and logic that will take you to that place where you learn the limits of intelligence and from which you make the leap into faith.

    Another great philosopher (Shane MacGowan) once said in an interview that morality existed long before Christians came along and put their kink in it, so don’t get too hung up on the source of wisdom and focus instead on applying the wisdom to your life. I’m paraphrasing MacGowan’s point because, like in all his interviews, he was completely drunk and incoherent.

  407. Casey:

    Maybe it’s because I was raised in reform Judaism, but I don’t think that Judaism calls for any type of “faith.” At least not in the Christian sense. In Christianity, if you believe that Jesus was a cool dude, but not the son of G-d, you’re out of the club. If you believe that Jesus had divine inspiration, but did not rise from the dead, you’re out of the club. You have to buy into the whole thing. Meanwhile, Judaism is much more piecemeal. You don’t have to believe every word of the Books of Moses. You don’t even have to believe in Yahweh in any certain form. In fact, the highest calling in Judaism is to question G-d and question authority.

    It was the most rebellious, questioning children would be sent to Rabbinical schools. The Talmud’s commentaries are meant to be just as holy as the original texts. Hell, if you read the Torah, Moses, Abraham, Jonah and most of the major figures get in *arguments* with Adoni and they win!

    G-d says to Moses, “Yo holmes, I’m gonna go destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.” And Moses is all like, “Hey, wait. What if there are 50 good people in that city? Shouldn’t you let them live? Baby with the bathwater and all that.” And G-d’s like, “Hmm, okay. Go find me 50 worthwhile dudes and I’ll save the city.” And then Moses is like, “What if there are 49?” And so Moses argues G-d all the way down to saving the city if there is just one good man in it.

    Eventually, G-d sends two angels down into the city, disguised as humans. They search through the people until they come upon Lot. Lot is a Mensch. He lets the Angels into his house, feeds them, clothes them, and offers them housing in accordance with Jewish tradition. Then a large crowd forms outside of his house and demands that Lot hand over the angels whom they desire for their, “strange flesh*.” Lot, being the good Jew that he is, is all like, “No, you can’t have these strangers that I just met, but I’ll make you a deal; here are my two virgin daughters. I guess you can fuck them to death, or whatever.”

    G-d is pleased by this…for whatever reason, and so the angels tell Lot and his family to get the heck out of Dodge before the fire and brimstone start raining down. They also say that no one is allowed to look back. The family leaves, but Lot’s wife looks back, so G-d turns her into a pillar of salt.

    I’m paraphrasing a bit here, (except for the “strange flesh” line), and I’ve gone way off point. But I’ve been endlessly fascinated by that story, so I decided to share the whole thing.

    *Angels were sexually irresistible to humans and they used to copulate a lot before G-d made them eunuchs. If a human and an angel had a baby their offspring were giants with superhuman strength. The most famous of these was King Og, who was said to be 18 feet tall. Another interpretation is that the people of the city wanted to eat the angels, Day of the Dead style. But I donno that I buy that one.

  408. Also, rejecting Christianity doesn’t make you an atheist. There’s a whole lto in between.

    And afterlife or no, 100 years is a pretty good time, definitely worth doing right. And the love you make now does last in generations beyond.

    This won’t be popular around here but I actually got a lot out of The Secret. I never saw the video, only read the book, but I believe we’re all connected to everything throughout the universe. It’s very apparent. You see the results of the good you do. So I have faith in that connectedness, and I do believe in a God. Lots of other good readings on the subject: Eckhardt Tolle, The Celestine Prophecy…

  409. The reason I shared that story was because it never made sense to me until about a year and a half ago. I always saw it as yet another example of misogyny in the Torah: two random men are of the utmost importance while Lot’s daughters can be used as pawns, the woman is too weak willed and curious and is punished for it. And so on.

    But then, during senior year of college I had an ex-girlfriend come to visit me. I had dated her for about a year during high school and she was really fun and exciting. I once wrote her a poem called, “Horse Brutality” about telling her I loved her for the first time while we were at a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is also where I met her. Also, her older brother was a skinhead who stood 6″8 and was born with a full set of teeth. It was one of THOSE relationships, you know?

    So anyway, I hadn’t seen her in ages and we were both newly single, so she comes up to visit and commiserate. At first things go well: she’s fun and spunky and totally punk rock and she’s amazed by my college town and gets along with my friends. I’m totally crushing on her all over again. But then things start to go sour. She texts me telling me she wants to fuck one of my friends, starts being really antagonistic, brings up old grudges and literally yells at me because she was offended by the content in a book of David LaChappelle photography that I showed her.

    At around 2 am on Saturday night, she tells me that she wants to go home on the first train in the morning. I say, “Okay, there’s one at 9 am.” She says, “No. I want to go home on the 6 am train.” My first instinct was to tell her, “Fine. Here’s money for the train and a google map, I’m going to bed. Lock the door on your way out.” But I decided that this would be cruel. We ended up getting nachos, talking all night and working most of it out. But she still wanted to leave at 6 am.

    So, we begin to walk over to the train and about halfway there she starts getting really pissed at me for no discernible reason. It gets to the point where I stop and ask her, “Do you just want me to leave?” She says, “Yes.”

    I give her the money and some brief directions then turn around and leave her by the side of the road. (Keep in mind, this girl was tough as nails and wearing knee-high steel-toed boots. Boots she most assuredly knew how to use. She wasn’t in any danger walking half a mile just after dawn.)

    I’m walking away, frustrated beyond belief at her behavior and deeply confused and at first I want to look back. I want to see if she’s following me home. I want to see if she’s standing there watching me. I want to see if she’s checking over her shoulder to look back at me.

    But then it hits me; the story of Lot.

    I realized that it wasn’t a story about G-d’s arbitrary wrath and the hatred of women, it was a story about having a belief and sticking to it. I hadn’t been romantically involved with this girl since right around my 18th birthday but we still had the exact same dynamic. I still acted like I was 16 when she was around. I also realized that not only did we have the exact same relationship now, I had basically had the exact same relationship with the five women who came after her. Different girls. Different styles. Different levels of intelligence. Different places. Different ages. But when it got down to it, I had been having the same shitty relationship over and over for more than half a decade.

    I realized that Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt because, if you have a belief but you look back, you’re not really moving forward, you’re still clinging to the thing you’re trying to escape. If you look back, you’ll be looking back forever and you will be frozen, like a pillar of salt.

    So I didn’t look back. I walked home and determined to change and evolve. And really, the main change was that I stopped having the same shitty relationship and started having a *lot* of intense, often self-destructive flings with beautiful women, but it was a first step. In the year and a half since that morning I’ve actually grown up a lot and begun to make more permanent, meaningful changes and that biblical story was essential to that growth.

  410. Tawdry

    Great story. You say “There are no unique benefits to religious faith”. I kind of disagree. A lot of people find comfort in knowing that there is a life after death. I wish I could believe that there is “something”, other than nothing. I`m pretty sure I`ll turn into a fanatic religious person when my time is up. I guess that most atheists feel the same way, at least when they hit middle age..

    I`ve been to India a couple of times and I love their sense of religion; the drama, intensity and excitement. Religion adds to a otherwise pretty harsh and mundane reality. It just makes the world seem a bigger place. I guess that hinduism is their starwars, just more real. Being in a temple lit by candles, with hundreds of people in extasy, weird statues all over the place and mystical music and chanting, is as fun as going to the cinema. They are, in a way, trekkers or fantasy-nerds, getting together and connecting via some big fantasyworld with gods, monsters, warriors etc. Religion can be exciting and fun, and I`m all for having as much fun as humanly possible. I think my biggest problem with christianity is that it`s pretty boring.

    I think, as an atheist, that having the best possible life is the point of everything, and if religion makes your life more exciting and fun, then I`m all for it.

    Hannuman is AWESOME btw!

  411. thanks a lot for all your comments guys

    anyway to bring things back to a movies a bit (though feel free to keep discussing Religion), I watched 12 Monkeys tonight, been wanting to see it for a long time

    it was pretty good, as far as R rated time travel movies go it’s as good as Timecrimes, I would have liked to have seen more of the really bizarre future in the movie, but I guess they couldn’t show a lot due to the budget

    it was really cool though, it’s hard to describe, but I would say it’s very industrial with a little bit of Steampunk and it was all real sets, no CGI, I love Terry Gilliam’s surreal style

  412. I totally agree with you about Judaism, Tawdry. I’ve just grown to be a lot more agnostic and I ended up falling out from the Jewish community here for various reasons. It seems to me that Judaism is a lot less about the religion, at least where I am, than the culture and community. For various reasons, including marrying a nice gal who happened to not be Jewish, I ended up disassociating myself with that community.

  413. I searched and it looks like Vern has never reviewed 12 Monkeys, I’m surprised considering how much Vern loves Bruce Willis

    Vern if you’re reading this you really need to give 12 Monkeys a rent soon, I’d love to see your thoughts on it

  414. Jareth Cutestory

    June 3rd, 2011 at 7:41 am

    I so totally want to change my user name to King Og. Or maybe Horse Brutality.

    FTopel: the interconnectedness that you enjoyed in The Secret is a big part of Buddhism.

  415. ThomasCrown442

    June 3rd, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Organized Religion = More people telling me what I can and can’t do. I get enough of that from the U.S. govt. Spirituality I’m down with though.

  416. Jareth, yes, I know! Russell Simmons talks a lot about it too. I guess I should read the bhaga gavita too.

    Tawdry, wow. Just wow.

    Also, this idea of comort and people finding comfort in religion, afterlife, etc. I don’t think we should strive to just be comfortable. That may be one of the turnoffs for organized religion. We strive for excellence, so develop a belief that’s productive, not just comfortable.

  417. So Tawdry, the first step to enlightenment is to have a bunch of self destructive flings with beautiful women? Sweet! I think you should start your own religion. (Unless the whole “self destructive flings with beautiful women” thing was just a personal anecdote and not a general rule to followed).

  418. Jareth Cutestory

    June 3rd, 2011 at 10:33 am

    FTopel: The Bhagavad Gita is sort of a “meaning of life” text from the Hindu perspective. It’s part of a much larger work called the Mahabharata (which, if filmed in the style of RED CLIFF, would be a killer action movie epic). I find the Gita a bit opaque, but if you’re into stuff like the Song of Solomon it’s a neat trip.

    Another Hindu text with some neat stuff is the Upanishads. That’s the one David Lynch likes to quote from. “We are like the spider. We weave our life and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream. This is true for the entire universe.” Trippy.

    There are plenty of good introductory books to Buddhism. Anything by Sogyal Rinpoche is going to be lucid and concise. Lama Surya Das (a Jewish American who became a Tibetan Buddhist monk) is really popular among American readers who prefer to have the modern relevance of ancient traditions spelled out for them.

  419. On the subject of religion, I would like to share with you folks my review of HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN.


  420. Mr. S, great review. I wish I liked HOBO as much as you did. Our reactions to the film were very different, but I do agree with you about the quality of the performances and the filmatism. I think Jason Eisener did a whole lot with very little and I look forward to his next film. You also make a good point about HOBO being a real exploitation film not just a tribute to exploitation films like GRINDHOUSE. I stand by my initial response to the film, but I will visit it again when it comes out on DVD and see if my stance has softened. I really want to like it more.

  421. Wonderful review, Mr. S. Although I think you should give Molly Dunsworth a shout out in your cast list. :)

    You’re right, I was really sad he didn’t get his lawnmower.

    Jareth, thanks for the recommendations. It’s time to take my reading to the next level.

  422. Oh, I certainly recommend having as many self-destructive flings with beautiful women as possible. That IS one of the main pillars of Tawdrism.

    However, this spirit journey must be embarked upon en tandem with a second, equally important tenet: ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM. To summarize the Book of Crazyhot, the 12th scroll in the Books of Tawdry, It doesn’t matter if she says she’s on the pill. Crazy girls are, by definition, crazy. They are wont to do irrational things. Sometimes they decide they want a baby, right now. Even if she’s only 19 and even if you’re almost literally the only guy she’s ever dated who *isn’t* a millionaire. So sometimes they lie about being on the pill and tell you and her parents that she’s preggo. And then you have to tell her parents that she clearly isn’t preggo because she bled all over your bed. And while that type of conversation builds a certain kind of character, it is also not exactly “fun.” And Tawdrism is all about fun.

  423. Mr. S. – You’re review has perfectly captured my experience with this fuckin’ amazing movie. I’m going to share this with a bunch of people who need to read it. Thank You.

  424. Thanks for the kind words, guys!

    Charles – I should say, I completely understand where you’re coming from with that post I cite in the review. It is an incredibly depraved, sadistic film where they torch a schoolbus full of kids as a joke. But to me, that kind of way-too-far provocation is part and parcel of being an exploitation film, and part of the transgressive fun of the genre (if it can be called that). What makes it OK for me is that I feel like the filmmakers’ hearts were in the right place, and they love their cinematic violence but also have some appreciation for basic human decency too. WANTED turned me off with its cynical sociopathic nihilism wrapped up in a pretty package. HOBO is a big teddy bear wrapped up in perverse transgressive ulta-violence. It makes you feel dirty –as you should with this sort of thing– but it’s ultimately about the need for more hope, more kindness, and less hobos with shotguns. That goes a long way for me, but your mileage may vary. I certainly would never judge anyone who found it to be too grotesque to enjoy.

  425. Mr. S, I agree with you that WANTED is more nihilistic. I did not like WANTED at all, but I liked HOBO, just not as much as I had expected/hoped to. However, WANTED did not wear me out with extreme violence and sadism the way HOBO did. HOBO is a good film but it is exhaustingly cruel. I do agree that HOBO at least features caring and endearing characters like the noble and armed bum of its name sake, but he is one of two characters that are even decent human beings in the film and they are drowned in cruelty and indifference. Hobo is like a giant cruelty flavored Tootsie Pop I want to enjoy what is at its core but I don’t know if it is worth all the cruelty to get to it.

  426. My main problem with WANTED is simple: Its message was “Killing humans is cool and something you have to do in your life or otherwise it’s wasted” and didn’t even try to hide it. It’s FIGHT CLUB, made by morons who didn’t got the satirical aspect of it and only watched it for the fights and the pretty visuals.

  427. Vern! check this out, they’re making a BLADE anime http://www.japanator.com/blade-gets-anime-adaptation-19620.phtml

    looks like you might finally have to review an anime soon huh?

  428. Charles — I applaud your use of the cruelty-flavored tootsie pop metaphor and can easily understand why you would feel that way. It seems like we saw pretty much the same thing in the film, I just had a higher tolerance for it (which I suspect comes from my many years watching z-grade exploitation fare where the violent debasement is sort of the point). The absurdly exaggerated nature of the whole conflict also kind of makes it more tolerable to my mind.

    CJ — I felt the same way. The film’s insistence on violence as the sole route to self-actualization (especially its emphasis on recapturing “stolen” masculinity with violence) and its poisonous, naked hatred everyone else just kind of kills the buzz that the otherwise awesome action sequences should have provided.

  429. Man, this discussion on Wanted makes me want to see a new Billy Jack movie but with Wanted’s action scenes. That would have to be great.

  430. Jareth Cutestory

    June 4th, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Mr. Subtlety: Did you see HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN in a theater? If so, how did the audience react? The half-empty theater I saw it with started out really boisterous, but, over the course of the film, became very subdued. When the film was over, there was a strange contemplative hush, which seems to support your point about the nature of the violence they just witnessed.

    Also, I would have posted this remark on your blog, but the layout of that thing is so white. Coming to your site from Vern’s is like leaving a dim jazz bar for a florescent-lit coffee chain.

  431. If James McAvoy can jump through a falling exploding train firing two guns at once in slow motion, you better fuckin believe Tom Laughlin can do it. And he’ll teach you something about tolerance and respect for the Earth at the same time.

  432. So, I saw this 4 hour long japanese movie last night called LOVE EXPOSURE, which was listed as a “Quirky drama about 3 troubled inviduals who get involved in a complicated love triangle”…and while that’s true, sorta…it doesn’t cover the myriad other topics such as sexual repression, reli gion, cross-dressing romantic deception, brainwashing cults, panty-snapping perversion, mental breakdown and castration. I guess my questions is…are there ANY japanese live-action dramas that get exposure in the west without being batshit insane or outright dark and depressing? Without being action, samurai, horror or yakuza films?

  433. Jareth Cutestory

    June 4th, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Stu: LOVE EXPOSURE is by Sion Sono, who is famous for SUICIDE CIRCLE. In my opinion, he dealt with very similar themes as LOVE EXPOSURE much better in SUICIDE CIRCLE’s sorta-sequel NORIKO’S DINNER TABLE. But the school for upskirt photography in LOVE EXPOSURE was classic.

    To answer your question, here in Toronto stuff like ADRIFT IN TOKYO and AFTER LIFE (in my opinion a near-perfect movie) get limited release in theaters and are well regarded by critics. I think ADRIFT IN TOKYO made more money during its run than MICMACS did, which is quite an accomplishment. Not sure how many people actually see these films, but they’re easier to find here than the fucked up stuff like TETSOU and GO GO SECOND TIME VIRGIN. You either see that stuff at obscure festivals, at the Japanese Cultural Centre (where I saw LOVE EXPOSURE) or wait for video. At my video store, stuff like ROBOGEISHA and TOKYO GORE POLICE are popular.

  434. I found LOVE EXPOSURE to be simultaneously torturous and enthralling. I came across it on tv around midnight and while it kept going on and on and on past the point I thought it would, and I wanted to go to bed, I also had to know how the fuck it was going to end. I’m not coming down on the bizarre movies in general mind, just that, I imagine there’s probably some good stuff with more mass appeal made in Japan, yet all that ever seems to get attention here and get an airing on british film and tv channels like Film4 are the weird shit. Also, as I think about it, an overwhelming amount of these films seem to have the theme of “being a teenager sucks” between LOVE EXPOSURE, the BATTLE ROYALS, ALL ABOUT LILY CHOU CHOU etc. I saw some of KAMIKAZE GIRLS a while ago, but not all of it, so maybe that one didn’t end with the protagonists dead or horribly scarred for life. It seemed quirky but upbeat.

  435. Hey Griff – Here to belatedly throw in support for you during the … don’t want to say “crisis” … “realignment”? “Time of questioning”? Urg. Anyway. A lot of my responses got covered by Jareth, FTopel, and some others – especially that leaving religion doesn’t necessarily mean life becomes pointless, that leaving one faith doesn’t necessarily mean leaving religion (or spirituality) altogether, and that it’s sensible in finding your beliefs to engage your brain (God-given or not – it works either way). Don’t want to endorse any final destination, but you might want to check out a Quaker service or a Unitarian one; they kind of approach the philosophical observances of church with less dogma (though that sometimes means inconsistency from congregation to the next.) I think it’s also fair to say that, for better and for worse, you never shed your earlier metaphysical mindset 100%. Hang in there. Wherever you land you’re going to be richer for it.

  436. And back to movies: Sion Sono’s going to do appearances before several of his films at LA’s Cinefamily next weekend. Hoping to finally check out Love Exposure then …

  437. So speaking of McAvoy, I saw X-MEN FIRST CLASS, and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. FIRST CLASS is the origin story of the X-Men, but at its core it is the story of how two friends that have a great deal of care and respect for each other ultimately end up on opposing sides due to their ideals. McAvoy is very good as a young and somewhat naive Professor X, and Fassbender’s performance as Magneto is excellent. The dynamic between the two is spot on and creates the foundation the film is built on. That is what makes FIRST CLASS so good and one of the better comic book films is that it delivers exciting action sequences, but they are all in support of a narrative that is character driven and skillfully executed. It does have its flaws (some clunky expositional dialog), but they are relatively minor and easily overlooked. I would highly recommended it.

  438. After posting my FIRST CLASS review I feel like I didn’t give Fassbender enough credit for how good he is in the film. I can’t stress enough how good his performance is. I like Fassbender, he was good in INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS and CENTURION, and as good as he was in those films he is even better in FIRST CLASS. He portrays MAGNETO as a very damaged and sympathetic character. We do not always agree with MAGNETO’s choices but we can feel his pain and understand why he makes them. This is the role of Fassbender’s career and he delivers, and I would bet he will be considered a genuine movie star and marquee name after this film.

  439. so guys Super 8 is coming soon

    God I’m getting so excited, I actually had a dream about it the other night, it’s not often I dream about movies

  440. I don’t know if any of you guys have heard about this, but on AICN Quint has an interview with STEVEN SPIELBERG and it’s amazing


  441. Seconded, Griff. That’s a great interview. Good section on the Indianapolis speech too.

  442. that part about Reagan and aliens creeps me out

  443. Yeah, possibly the best thing at AICN in literally years.

    Question: Why hasn’t Spielberg worked with George Clooney yet? Seems like a natural fit to me.

  444. This is going to sound weird, but after perusing their Wiki page and reading a few interviews…I think I kind of admire the Insane Clown Posse. They’re a legitimate example of the American dream. They went out there, did their thing and never took no for an answer. And somehow they’ve built a friggin’ empire without ever compromising or watering it down. In their own way, I really think these guys “Strive for Excellence”(tm).

    I know it sounds ridiculous to say, but I can almost see them as role models for individualism.

  445. I would like to take this opportunity to boast that according to paragraph 3 of this post on Deadline…


    …Chris Tucker is one of the people Tarantino is looking at to play the title character in DJANGO UNCHAINED. It’s a boast because ever since I saw FRIDAY on the list of movies Tarantino programmed to play at his theater a couple months ago I’ve been theorizing that he’s considering somebody from the cast for DJANGO. I’m sure Tiny Zeus Lister would fit in somewhere, and I’ve been joking about Ice Cube in the lead, but I was really hoping that if I was reading the tea leaves correctly then it was Tucker he was looking at. After all he did get a great performance out of him as Beaumont (an employee Ordell had to let go) in JACKIE BROWN.

    I doubt it’ll happen, and Idris Elba would be more badass, but hey. I bet nobody else predicted it. I’m pretty cool.

    Better get working on that epic defense of MONEY TALKS.

  446. Actually, the timing is right. It’ll be five years since Rush Hour 3 by the time Tucker would appear on screen again, the same gap between RH2 and 3. Way to go, Vern.

  447. Yeah, I could see both Elba and Tucker for DJANGO. Tucker doesn’t look nearly as skinny or as wiry as he used to. He’s bulked up some. Now can he do something about that voice?

    I’d also like to nominate Don Cheadle for the role. He’s been a favorite of mine since TRAFFIC.

    Way to call that one, Vern. You’re pretty cool.

  448. I find it a tad strange that Tarantino’s theme is racism now, but that doesn’t mean that DJANGO is not gonna flatten your balls

  449. I think Tarantino’s theme is exploitation, not racism. He’s exploiting aspects of the genres that haven’t been covered in depth. He’s marrying the blacksploitation pictures like Mandingo to the Spaghetti Western pictures of leone and others. It’s a stroke of genius.

  450. Chris Tucker’s super step-n-fetchit inflection is the REASON you’d cast him in the role.

  451. Darryll; “He’s marrying the blacksploitation pictures like Mandingo to the Spaghetti Western pictures of leone and others. It’s a stroke of genius.” Or in other words he’s ripping off Posse.

  452. pegsman – Do you really believe that?

  453. Racial tensions have ALWAYS been the core of Tarantino’s work. Dude seems like a deeply misogynistic creep when he talks, saying stupid crap like, “9/11 didn’t hit me that hard because I’d seen the same thing in a Korean movie*” but when he makes movies, they’re so much more layered than it seems like he would be capable of. Tarantino is like the ANTI-Auteur.

    *not exactly his words, but pretty much.

  454. It’s a misconception to assume a writer’s personality will be some kind of indicator of the quality of his writing. Sometimes the best in a person shows up on the page.

  455. Darryll; Of course I don’t. But as a western fanatic I seriously doubt that he will be able do make something I haven’t seen before.

  456. Thanks, CJ! His Spielberg interview was good stuff and I look forward to reading this. Not to be overly critical or mean but if it wasn’t for Quint I would never bother with AICN anymore. He seems like a good guy who is excited about movies but still manages to be a grown up.

  457. just got back from Super 8

    it’s fucking….AWESOME, best end credits ever….

    EVERYONE needs to go see this movie asap

  458. I didn’t like it. All the child/filmmaking stuff rang false to me. Interested to see what the members of the board and Vern think.

  459. you didn’t like it? whaaaaaaaaaaat >:(

  460. I really don’t understand how you could say the stuff with the kids rang false, especially the relationship between Elle Fanning and the main kid Joe

  461. I’ll save most of my Super 8 thoughts for that eventual board, but I’m sad to say i didn’t like it either, Griff. Devin Faraci can be excessively mean in his reviews, but he’s spot on in this one, especially that joke of a climax – http://www.badassdigest.com/2011/06/01/movie-review-super-8-makes-us-nostalgic-for-spielberg-movies-because-they-work

    I also think it’s really weird that alot of people are championing it for being an “original’ property that’s not a sequel/remake/reboot or whatever when it’s probably one of the most predictable and UNoriginal movies I’ve seen in forever. At the end of the day it’s just Cloverfield, ET, Goonies, and Son of Rambow crammed together but not as good as any of them.

    But I’ll agree the end credits with the home movie was charming, I’d argue it was more entertaining than the rest of the movie!

  462. come on guys, don’t be so hard on Super 8, this isn’t the AICN talkbacks, this isn’t 4chan’s /tv/ board, there’s no arms race to look cool here

    in an era in which 99% of family films (save for the Pixar joints) are “guy hangs out with talking animals” bullshit and are completely inoffensive and bland, Super 8 reminds us what these movies used to be like, it had some actual edge to it, like truly frightening moments and a little cussing (even one F bomb), I’m not saying the cussing makes it a good movie but it shows it’s heart is in the right place

    and despite how famous he is so few filmmakers try to borrow a page from Spielberg’s style these days, instead they’re trying to emulate music videos or Twilight or God knows what, so JJ Abrams deserves to be commended for trying to bring back some classic to style to modern Hollywood

    I don’t mean to go into ad hominem territory, but I think Super 8 is a good litmus test in how pessimistic you are about movies

    but whatever, I guess I get it, you guys like action movies, that’s your bag and I like action movies too, but Steven Spielberg is my favorite filmmaker and his movies along with the movie’s he produced are my bag, they’re my “Steven Seagal” if you know what I mean (that is to say my cinematic obsession), so I was on cloud 9 with this movie

  463. Ebert gives it 3 and a half stars http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110608/REVIEWS/110609989

    so there’s at least one professional who agrees with me

  464. Super 8 was exactly my kind of movie, about things I like movies to be about in a style I long for… and it didn’t work. Everything with the kids felt hollowly constructed to be whimsical and heartwarming.. Spielberg touch definitely missing. I didn’t even get the sense that J.J. really was ever a film loving kid. The actual film by the kids was the only thing with any personality.

    Remember, I’m a guy who LOVES references and homages. That said, if they had to foresake me to make the rest of America happy, they had to go with the greater good.

  465. And Griff, no need to worry about people agreeing with you, professional or otherwise. You could be the only one who likes the movie and that’s still cool, but you won’t be the only one on this.

    I happen to love your name, a reference to an underrated sequel I LOVE, which goes so far as to include clips of its own predecessor. How’s that for a reference?

  466. Which sequel is that? I thought it was an homage to the anti-semitic comments by Professor Griff from Public Enemy.

  467. hahaha, this is my real name guys, no joke

  468. and Fred, I don’t personally care what other people’s opinions are, I can agree to disagree (I admit I didn’t always be that way, but I learned to get over it), I was just kinda wishing Super 8 would get a mostly positive reception so I could discuss the movie with you guys instead of defending it, but of course so far only two people (not counting me) have voiced opinions on so perhaps I’m jumping the gun

    bottom line I’ll put it this way, I just love what Super 8 set out to do, the fact that a filmmaker said “hey, let’s make an old school style Spielberg movie” instead of “hey let’s do a movie where a girl falls in love with a hot vampire, but instead lets make him a creature from the black lagoon, or a sexy Frankenstein” like the usual Hollywood fare guaranteed the movie was gonna get a pass from me

    you can debate whether the film pulled it off or not (personally I thought it did), but it’s heart is in the right place

    the only thing I thought was missing was a painted Drew Struzan poster for the movie, but not even God could force studios to use a painted poster in this day and age (JJ could have commissioned one at least, even though it’d never get used)

    on a side note, if anyone thinks JJ was just cashing in on nostalgia I don’t think this movie was a safe bet at all, a safe bet in this day and age is a remake, comic book movie, vampire romance, kids movie with talking CGI animals etc etc and I hope Super 8 is a huge success to show that Hollywood that classic styles of film making are not totally dead

  469. So Griff, I guess that means you didn’t see that poster here:


  470. Griff – it’s heart is definitely in the right place, and yes, I’d rather EVERYONE emulate Spielberg rather than Twilight/whatever’s trendy now. But as I’ve often said – Jet made a song that sounded “Beatle-esque” once. I’m not going to ignore the fact that it wasn’t a good song just because it sorta sounded like The Beatles. (Or by that rationale give Nickelback bonus points for not sounding like Britney Spears). Good intentions just don’t count for much when the content itself doesn’t deliver.

    And re: that F bomb, I actually thought it’s inclusion totally went against what JJ was trying to do. It’s not I’m a prude or anything (I LOVED the Fbomb in First Class – totally hilarious), but that wouldn’t have happened in a classic Spielberg movie- it was like how the Gus Vant Sant Psycho made a huge deal about copying the original shot for shot but then had those weird shots of cattle, so it was like “what’s the point?”

    That being said I’m glad you liked it and if it makes you feel better, most of my friends enjoyed it too. I felt like the grumpy old guy that night.

  471. Didn’t one kid in E.T. call his brother “Penis Fart” or something like that?

  472. I think it was Penis Breath. Though I’m totally going to have to steal Penis Fart from you now.

  473. So, guys, if I was going to bug my wife to go out to a movie tonight which should I take her to: First Class or Super 8?

  474. Quick thing, I’m not sure if this was the post where people were talking about Spielberg but I don’t think anyone has mentioned it.

    I keep reading about people hating it on the internets but people of my generation (I’m 27) seem to really love it. I do, too. I think it’s a fun film and if I say “Ru-Fi-Oh!” almost anyone of my age knows the reference and thinks of it fondly.

    I was always confused by the hatred of that film. I remember watching that and the Sandlot on VHS a lot as a kid. Also The Road Warrior, Total Recall, Robocop, and Highlander.

  475. Casey – take her to First Class. The ladies love them some James McAvoy, and they’ll have a new crush in Michael Fassbender afterwards. Plus it’s the better movie.

  476. Griff, did your parents at least name you after Biff’s grandson in Back to the Future II?

    Casey, I always liked Hook too. Been interested to watch it more recently and haven’t gotten around to it.

  477. Yeah, I always figured your name was a Public Enemy reference too, Griff. And as for the Doc’s antisemitism, I think that the political context of the band somewhat excuses his comments. PE was deeply influenced by the Black Panthers and Malcolm X and their ilk and if we’re going to be honest about it, none of those groups really liked Jews.

    Public Enemy, N.W.A. and the first wave of politically-minded Gangsta’ Rap was very much about expressing and exploring suppressed feelings of anger and disenfranchisement, you know, “Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood” and the like. And you know what? The ghetto had and has a lot of antisemitism and homophobia. It’s an accurate reflections of parts of the culture. And while I’m not going to cosign to Dr. Griff’s thoughts, they are not out of place and not without value. What’s more, if we can accept and even cheer along to Fuck the Police, Cop Killer, A Bitch is a Bitch, et al seeing through their surface-level endorsement of murdering law enforcement officers, beating and raping women and selling soul destroying narcotics down to their political and socially important core, then I don’t see why we shouldn’t be able to contextualize Dr. Griff and consider the place from which his rage comes. Certainly shooting a cop in the face is worse than calling me a “Christ Killer” or whatever. And if the fact that Dr. Griff has a beef with Jews is all we remember from the material, then I think that says something unpleasant about our culture.

    On the other hand, the discussions of cop killing were clearly not literal in most cases. Yes, a lot of hoods have shot cops, but I don’t think Eazy-E or Ice Cube ever did. Hell, half my friends growing up went to Taft High School, his Alma Mater. And while there was one drive-by shooting there that paralyzed a kid I half-knew, (I ran into him at parties during high school and college a few times. We’d talk and he would always bring up, “You wanna know why I’m in the wheelchair?” And I would tell him that I already knew. In retrospect, I’m not sure if he was sick of the awkward pause where people would ask, or if it was a story he liked to tell…), the school isn’t in a bad area and it wasn’t an unsafe area back when Cube was bussed in. Meanwhile, it’s fairly easy to take causal Antisemitism at face value. I suppose it could be harder to rationalize it as wish fulfillment. But then, Snoop Dogg sang “Bitches Ain’t Shit” and now he’s been the voice of a talking animal in like 3 or 4 different family movies, so…

    I kinda got off point somewhere in here, but I think what I’m trying to say is that while I’m probably more sensitive toward Antisemitism than the vast majority of people, I think that the context of the statement matters and that in the case of early 90s Gangsta’ Rap, Griff’s comments were socially relevant and worthy of discussion rather than dismissal. What’s more, it’s somewhat disturbing that out of all of Public Enemy’s lyrics, and perhaps even out of all of early 90’s Gangsta’ Rap, the accusation of Antisemitism is somehow remembered while much harsher and more grotesque lyrics are forgotten and forgiven.

  478. My parents are from Scotland and I’m a big redheaded guy so I don’t look Jewish. I worked at a Best Buy a decade ago and I worked with a lot of African Frenchmen (I don’t know the term, but they were black guys from France). They were all really and terribly Antisemitic.

    Even then, I never felt that it was directed towards me. It was more directed towards these vague notions of bankers, who I also really hate, and towards what they saw as Israeli atrocities against Palestinians and other Arabs. It wasn’t like they were overly Muslim or anything, they seemed more interested in spending money on expensive clothes from the Armani Exchange than religion as far as I could tell. Still, I usually contextualize most Antisemitic attitudes as being against wealthy elites and about being against what many see as Israel’s excessive force.

    Hell, I experienced some of that in Norfolk as well. Many African Americans there were very homophobic and seemed really puzzled by the whole Judaism thing.

    I remember Al Franken writing in one of books about how his father always told him that as Jews that they should always be there to support the poor and disenfranchised. Al Franken’s father was a supporter of the Civil Rights Movement and so were a lot of Jews, I remember Harlan Ellison’s stories about his experiences in marches and the like.

    I even view a lot of the anticop lyrics as being in the context of how awful the police and judicial system has been to African Americans.

    Hell, if I was a black youth who was more likely to go to prison on a bullshit charge than to go to college, was more likely to be beaten by the police than to be given a scholarship, and was otherwise sentenced to a life of poverty and injustice for no other reason than the circumstances of my birth than yeah, I’d be really pissed off at any and all causes of that life even if some were imagined or misdirected.

    I think Tawdry is right, as usual, that if all we remember about Griff’s comments is his Antisemitism that is says more about our culture than about Public Enemy. Whites in this country are so eager to take a position of victimhood and hypocrisy that they look for any excuse to trump up their perceived lack of power. Hell, the whole Common at the White House “controversy” was born of such bullshit. Instead of trying to understand why Common had spoken about the issues he did speak about Fox News and other bullshit sources would rather misrepresent he said and make it out to be that we live in a perfectly equal society and how could someone be so overt in trying to analyze the world in racial tones. The obliviousness to privilege that many in this country have is disgusting and all it does is allow them to try to further oppress those who are already disadvantaged.

    Hell, even the whole Jeremiah Wright “controversy” stems from this. Instead of trying to understand Liberation Theology many would rather just try to paint Jeremiah Wright as a monstrous racist. Shirley Sherrod went through something similar.

    Man, just thinking about all of this in context with all these other instances is really starting to upset me. Why is it okay for really mainstream media outlets like CNN or the Washington Post to paint these figures as being disgusting, racist, or otherwise unacceptable but they are so fucking afraid to talk about actual racial injustice in this country?

    Fuck, man, I’m going to go play some basketball.

  479. Wrights ultimate point was the exact opposite of that one comment, by the by. But at the same time I would certainly care if a presidential candidate was a prominent member of a church that was, to pick a subject we’ve already broached, vocally antigay. So ultimately I don’t know that that controversy was inherently bullshit so much as it was a willfull misrepresentation.

    And as for the black Frenchmen, that is a country with a long and rich history of violent antisemitism. And I don’t mean that to say antijew. I mean against all Semites. So that undoubtedly plays a role.

    The thing is, griff’s comments come from a different place than evil Jew bankers and conflation of Jews and israelis. The latter is much more troubling and is, in my opinion, more based in an intellectualized form of holocaust denial that finds it’s roots in the Protocals of Zion. But I can’t explain that on an itouch after 48 hours of heavy drinking to celebrate my friends graduation. More politics and discussions of wonton debauchery later.

  480. I look forward to it, Tawdry!

  481. Hey, are any of you LA based and going to the LA Film Festival? Not that there are many badass offerings (though Drive has potential), but I’d love to meet up.

  482. I don’t know if you guys realize Griff is short for Griffin (like Griffin Dunne for example)

  483. Griff is also German for “grip” or “handle”, depending on how you use it.

  484. I will be in LA…donno if I’m going to any LA Film festival stuff. But I’ll be around.

  485. So what do you guys think about the news that Russell Crowe is in talks to play Jor-El in Snyder’s Supes Movie?

  486. Tawry, sounds like you’re in the press too. Let me know the next junket you may be going to. Cars 2?

  487. Well, you can forget about The Expendables 2. They just hired Simon West to direct it.


    This project is dead to me.

  488. Well I liked Con Air MUCH better than The Expendables. In fact, I always say it’s the only “Michael Bay-style” movie actually done right, i.e. it has a sense of humor about itself and it’s under 2 hrs. Actual Bay films are way too long and pompous.

    But yeah, Tomb Raider is limp, General’s Daughter was pretentious shit and When a Stranger Calls or whatever was one of the worst movies I’ve seen.

  489. Con Air rocks. Lets hope Mr. West recaptures the spirit of that movie and makes a good Expendables 2. Tomb Raideresque Angelina Jolie and limp just don’t go together.

  490. CONAN Red Band trailer is out you guys! I was totally wrong and we’ll get plenty of bad looking digital blood after all. Probably not more than a glimpse of boobs though.

  491. I suspect there’s some Doug Hutchison fans here – http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b248227_green_mile_actor_51_marries_16-year-old.html

    Is it wrong that my reaction is “Good for him”?

  492. Don’t know if it’s been mentioned (Ain’t it Cool sure hasn’t mentioned it), but Ryan Dunn from Jackass died in a car wreck today. He always seemed like a good guy. He was only 34. Pretty big bummer.

  493. The Conan trailer has bad music and makes me wonder why they couldn’t have made the same movie but with the name “Mouth” or “Lance Uppercut” or something cool like that instead of “Conan.” Why not an original adventure movie? Why a remake/reboot? Oh yeah, it’ll mean guaranteed money, I guess, regardless of affiliation with the disgraced Governator. Other than that, shit looks hot.

    Neal, I’m not a fan of the idea of trusting a 16 year old’s emotional judgments on a decision that is supposed to determine the rest of her life, but I won’t judge. True love and all that.

    Now I submit to the Verniverse a recko for your benefit and a pressing quandary for your consideration:

    1- BLACK DEATH is fucking rad.

    Employing my favorite approach to my favorite pastime, I watched this movie with zero foreknowledge of what I was getting into except for having seen part of a trailer on, I think, the I SAW THE DEVIL dvd, which I watched recently b/c Vern & others here basically told me to, so thanks everyone for somehow facilitating my awareness of BLACK DEATH — 6 degrees of everything’s connected, circle of life, et cetera. BLACK DEATH might sneak onto the highly culturally & historically significant Mouth’s top 10 movies of 2010/2011 (depends on which release date you use) list.

    . . . -But if you’re scared of diving into it without some context, it’s set in 1348 as the Plague is wiping out something like 1/3 or 1/2 of the population of parts of Europe. It’s a horror movie for people who don’t normally dig horror movies, er, for me anyway, and I loved it because it reminded me of the best aspects of VALHALLA RISING and the underrated AGORA, as well as Ken Follett’s excellent novel WORLD WITHOUT END (I gotta check out PILLARS OF THE EARTH someday when I have time to burn through another 1000 page piece of fiction.). Some of it is post-action, but BLACK DEATH is not really an action movie so that’s okay in this case. And, regardless, the violence is gruesome & satisfying & scary.

    2- Apparently there’s a movie about giant robot things from outer space attacking Indiana Jones, Jr., due to be released in the US next week. I’m conflicted because I like to support filmmakers who feature giant spacebots & blow stuff up on a grand scale, but the last such movie was an assault on all my physical & immaterial senses that it made me want to violently retaliate against everyone involved in the production, even the hot chicks. This one’s in 3D, though, so that’ll make it better somehow. Or will it? I think I’ll bring my spare red-n-blue Buddy Hollys, go buy a ticket for another movie, and then sneak in to watch the robot movie.

    I’m curious if anyone else would like to protest the existence of this movie and, rather than merely let it angry up the blood, embark on a Project Mayhemesque campaign of not paying to see it and then seeing it anyway. We could totally, like, bring down the whole system, and then Hollywood’ll pay attention and they’ll be forced to make better, er, at least less offensively horrible, giant space robot movies. Right? Is there any chance it’ll be good?

    Seriously, though, I’m conflicted. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. I feel like somehow I shall have to watch this stupid fucking thing because of the circumstances & cinematic geography of the world we inhabit, but every sense of morality & correctness in me tells me to pretend it doesn’t exist, to condemn it now and forever, to remember the previous Transformers abomination and reread the review here and proclaim to you all “Never forget” while saluting the Vern logo. But then there’s the essence of the big summer movie that is so important to OutlawVernism, so that’s a consideration that might compel me in the other direction. Or something. Surely someone else here feels the same, no?

    From the Old Testament’s Abraham to Thucydides to Pontius Pilate to Augustine to Voltaire to Kant to JFK, no thinker has ever faced such a conundrum as the one that now troubles Mouth.

  494. You bring up an interesting question, Mouth. I was wondering myself how many people that profess to hate Michael Bay and everything he stands for are going to see TRANSFORMERS 3: MOON ROBOTS. Luckily for me I don’t face your particular dilemma. I’m gonna be there opening weekend paying whatever ridiculous amount the 3D ticket costs and I’m gonna attach a note to my money that says, “Mr. Bay, please put this in the savings jar that has BAD BOYS 3D written on it.”

    If you want to justify seeing it I do think that 3D may force directors to be a little more clear with their action directing. For example, I thought RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE had some of the best action scenes of the series and I can’t help but think the 3D was at least partially responsible for that. I guess TRANSFORMERS will be a good test for this theory.

  495. Black Death sounds great, Mouth. I really liked Agora (I agree it was underrated) and I think Valhalla Rising is one of my favorite movies of the last few years so anything that compares to those two is something I need to see.

    Thanks for bringing it up, I might not have heard about it otherwise!

  496. Jake, I really hated the first two Transformers movies. The third one looks interesting. I don’t care about it being in 3D but it being in 3D means they have to shoot it differently and it looks like the film is going to have lots of steady shots of action so that it’s going to make sense instead of thousands of cuts and shining polygons offending my eyes. It seems that it being shot for 3D forces certain limitations that will actually make it a better film.

  497. BLACK DEATH is indeed rad. The SEVENTH SEAL with a Men On A Mission twist. This is dark, intense storytelling with some theological subtext, some kick-ass sword and shield violence and ultimately, perhaps, an atheist agenda? I’m conflicted on that last point but you could certainly make the argument. As per usual, Sean Bean is awesome in medieval garb.

  498. I’m too lazy to check, but I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be out of town on vacation when Transformers 3 comes out, so I’m probably not gonna see it

    anyway let’s see if we can rejuvenate the potpourri a bit with another interesting subject

    what are your top 3 favorite directors (in order) and your honorable mention? and add some background info about why you like them

    mine are

    1. Steven Spielberg
    2. Quentin Tarantino
    3. Stanley Kubrick

    honorable mention David Cronenberg

    why I like Spielberg and Kubrick goes without saying, basically I like directors who have a certain “collectibility” to their work and who’s movies cover a good array of subjects, but still have a strong specific style where you can always tell it’s them

    Spielberg was my favorite director as a kid and Quentin Tarantino was my favorite director as a teenager (even though I just saw Reservoir Dogs for the first time last year)

    first Tarantino movie I saw was Kill Bill, I had heard of him before and knew that Kill Bill was his first movie in a couple of years, I didn’t get to see it see it in theaters, but I rented it on dvd and I’ll never forget the dvd menu coming up with “Battle Without Honor or Humanity” playing and clips from the ANIME (!) sequence playing, I was absolutly blown away and the movie hadn’t even started yet, watching that movie may in fact have been the highlight of that year

    so I was hooked after Kill Bill, I re-watched it a few months ago on blu ray and it’s still great, that action sequence at the House of Blue Leaves is fucking incredible

    my love of David Cronenberg started when I saw The Fly remake as a kid even though I wouldn’t learn that he directed it till many years later, I first became aware of Cronenberg after reading in a video game magazine that said that he was cited as an influence on the Silent Hill video game series

    first movie I saw of his where I was aware that he directed it was Spider (which had just come out on dvd at the time), probably not the best introduction to him, but I was intrigued enough to watch any movie of his that came on IFC or Sundance (including Naked Lunch, still one of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen)

    one unique experience I had with Cronenberg was when I first got a laptop and the internet in early 2006 I looked him up on imdb to see what all he had directed and that’s where I learned about Videodrome and just a few months later it played on Sundance, imagine already being a fan of a director and discovering that you haven’t even seen his best movie yet!

    about two years ago I had a mini Cronenberg marathon and rented a couple of his movies from Netflix (Scanners, The Brood and eXistenZ), so I’ve now seen almost all of his movies (including Shivers, which I’m sorry to say was terrible)

    whoo that was quite a post huh?

  499. BLACK DEATH came out of nowhere. Musta been outa the country when it was released or something, but that’s the beauty of NetFlix Instant. And its RottenTomatoes score is 73%, so hopefully you’ll agree with the majority on it, Casey.

    The thing with the new Bay movie is that I saw one really badass trailer for it a few weeks ago, and my good sense antibodies that normally shield me from pop culture garbage easily erode in the face of some rousing electrobass scoring to some large-scale robo-carnage that goddammit looks like some good action filmatism.

    Goddamnation. Scenes from THE ROCK are playing out in my head, but I’m taking all that movie’s conflict —
    the SEALs infiltrating and then facing an opponent in a superior position and refusing to surrender and being slaughtered and Ed Harris is all “God damn you for making me do this!”; Cage trying to disarm Connery and then he’s like “Now he has all the guns” and then trying to rationalize shit and telling us about all the poison that will kill everything if we don’t stop it; Ed Harris telling me “You’re being asked by an old friend.” [doesn’t compute] “You’re being ordered by a superior officer.” [hesitation] [Ed Harris draws his sidearm, points it at my temple] “Now you’re being given your last chance by a man with a gun. Put the wallet down. Don’t touch those 3D glasses. Step away from the ticket counter. C’mon, we’re going to see MIDNIGHT IN PARIS again, and nobody gets hurt.” —
    and applying it to this one decision I gotta make in the next month about this new stupid movie that I know I’ll hate and regret not hating even more.

  500. Mouth, I have the same war raging inside my soul. I know there’s no chance in hell that I will actually think that movie is good, and I know I will feel like an asshole for contributing to a record-breaking opening of a terrible piece of garbage, but it’s pulling me in. I’m fascinated by those movies. Did Bay seriously have to shoot readable action scenes because of the heavy cameras, as he has complained, or will stereoscopic Michael Bay scenes literally injure our eyes? Did he really leave out the “dorky humor” that he angrily disowns, as if he thinks we’ll believe that Transformers 1, Transformers 2, Bad Boys 2 etc. were forced on him by The Man and were not accurate depictions of the stupid bullshit he purposely wanted to put on film? Did he find some new form of racism to replace the gold tooth twins? Will we find out more about the transformer babies, or RoboHeaven, or Mountain Dewbot? Is it true that there’s a NASCAR car that transforms into a redneck robot with a mullet? What robotic fluid or private part will assault John Turturro this time? Will a robot try to hump Academy Award winner Frances McDormand? Will whatsisdick’s replacement love interest make us yearn for the nuanced characterization and relatable girl-next-door looks of Megan Fox?

    Of course I have to see this fuckin thing, and in 3D, and I’m going with a bunch of people in the same boat. Because it’s kind of a lackluster summer I’m actually excited for it. When it was GI JOE I didn’t feel as bad because it wasn’t a big hit and was generally looked down upon by society, so I didn’t feel like my dollars were gonna keep it alive or anything. With this, though, I guess this is what they mean when they say guilty pleasure.

  501. Ooh, good one, Griff. I’m going to have to go with my old standbys, though I’m sure I can think long and hard and come up with a revision.

    1. Sam Raimi
    2. James Cameron
    3. Steven Spielberg

    Honorable mention: Michael Davis

    Raimi because he was the first director to make me really appreciate filmatism, as Vern would say, in Evil Dead 2. His subsequent films remained interesting, from Darkman to Spider-Man (and Quick and the Dead!)

    Spielberg because he’s just the quintessential filmmaker. You just look at each of his movies and they’ve probably affected your life somehow. Even mid-level ones like The Terminal are pretty good, and then a Munich comes out of nowhere.

    James Cameron is the ultimate storyteller to me, being a writer/director to boot. Avatar is my least favorite Cameron movie and it’s still got the basics of the action I love from him, and I don’t mind the story. But the Terminator films are profound and Aliens is pretty good too. True Lies is actually my favorite because I love the narrative risks it took, as well as risks with Arnold’s persona. It does exactly what I want movies to do, be outrageous and ridiculous because it’s not real life.

    Michael Davis would be number one if I could confirm he’s going to work agian. But Shoot ‘Em Up was the movie I’d been waiting for my whole life. He gets that creative action, and even made some romantic comedies I loved. His next film will be the bomb. I hope he gets to make it.

    Luckily I do’nt have to stick to only these four. I can still watch them all!

  502. Vern, if it’s any consolation, I think it’s totally fine to celebrate the worst of Hollywood’s misguided spectacles. They spend $300 million, you get a piece for only $12.

    I however will be seeing it for free at a press screening, so I counterbalance Mouth.

  503. whoaaaaaa Fred, can’t believe someone else has heard of Michael Davis

    yeah Shoot Em Up was awesome, I was also pleasantly surprised by his 100 Women and 100 Girls

    plus when I was a little kid he directed a Full Moon kid’s flick I saw called Beanstalk that was far better than it had any right to be (and featured a crazy ass Margot Kidder)

  504. – mouth

    Yeah, I`ll watch it. And then I`ll eat some crap from Macdonalds, drink some Coca Cola and go home and be ashamed of myself. It`s like new years eve; you know it`s gonna suck, but you can`t miss out.

    Also, I was gonna write something clever about the hidden qualities of the cinema of Bay, but Vern beat me to it. But, there must be something about those movies since we keep watching and discussing them, despite hating everything they stand for. My official excuse for going is a very good friend who loves bayhem. She would be so upset, if I said no to go with her. I just can`t make her upset now cause she`s pregnant. And I can always redeem myself by coming here and participate in the baybashing. Gawd, I`m so confused…

    – Griff

    I would love to play along, but it seems almost impossible to confine my list of favorite directors to a top 3, so without further do:

    1. George Lucas.
    2. Quentin Tarantino.
    3. Hayao Miyazaki.
    4. James Cameron.
    5. Takashi Miike.
    6. Paul Verhoeven.
    7. Andrei Tarkovskij.
    8. Lynn Ramsey.
    9. Hideko Anno.
    10. Andrzej Zulawski.

    Very arty-farty, I know, but those guys all made movies that totally blew my fragile little mind.

    Also Sam Peckinpah, Sam Raimi, Spike Jonze, Paul Thomas Anderson, Martin Scorsesse, Francis Ford Coppola, Alfred Hitchcock, Russ Meyer, John Cassavettes, David Fincher, Satoshi Kon, Stanley Kubrick, Caspar Noe, George A. Romero, Coen Brothers, Darren Aranofsky, David Lynch, Sergio Leone, Brad Bird, Terry Gilliam and Lars Von Trier.

  505. Griff, Michael Davis is my soul mate. He captured scenes I imagined when I was a kid and put them in Shoot ‘Em Up (Clive launching himself through the windshield). You mentioned the three of his ouvre I love. You saw Beanstalk? Where can I find that? That’s the only one I haven’t seen.

  506. The only other Michael Davis film I ever saw apart from SHOOT EM UP was one about a teenager who was so in love with the girl next door, that he decided to sit on her lawn until she either falls in love with him or summer ends. The movie was apparently made before the public knew that stalking is a pretty serious issue, so everybody just laughs it off and it is overall portrayed as a cute quirk.
    The movie was also way too 90’s to hold up. Because the concept of a guy sitting on a lawn all summer long leaves not much room for exciting plot developments, Davis did it like every other indie director of that time and filled the script pages with lots of senseless dialogue, that is very painful to listen to. About stuff like sex with watermelons or why songwriters are inferior to writers of novels of screenplays. (Because you can end a song with just fading out.)
    I didn’t like it.

  507. I don’t where you can find Beanstalk sadly, it was on youtube for a while but of course they took it down

  508. CJ, I can tell you that Eight Days a Week is not my favorite Michael Davis movie. His 100 series (Girls and Women) is much more perceptive, eventful and satisfying.

  509. dna, you just made me wish Vern would review Satoshi Kon’s films, it’ll never happen, but damn would it be interesting

  510. I love SHOOT ‘EM UP. I love that it obsessively, compulsively sticks with its main fetish (Guns are AWESOME!!!!!) at every possible opportunity. The hero loves guns, the villains make guns, the MacGuffin is gun-related. Guns aren’t just for killing people, they’re also long-range Swiss army knives with a plethora of uses around the home and office. Guns are how you fall in love, bond with a child, even give birth. When you’re in trouble, what you do is you find the biggest gun around and you hide inside it. Guns will watch your back when you have no other allies, and when you don’t have a gun, you have no choice but to turn your own body into a gun. I’m sure if the budget had been bigger there would have been suspension bridges with buttresses shaped like Berettas and giant BATMAN FOREVER-style statues of historical type dudes in powdered wigs jumping sideways holding two Glocs. The world of SHOOT ‘EM UP is to guns as BURGERTIME is to hamburgers.

    That said, the corny one-liners make me cringe, even though I know they’re supposed to. A movie comprised solely of Michael Davis dialogue is not something I think I want to see.

    You know what I do want to see, though? TRANSFORMERS FUCKING 3: METAL UP THE ASS. It’s the only movie of the summer that I’m actively excited about. I know Bay went door-to-door and made out with everyone’s mom and made their dad’s start drinking all the time so they lost their jobs at the plant and now everyone has to live in a trailer with their weird cousins who smell like corn chips, but he makes images that stimulate my spectacle gland like Renny Harlin movies did when I was 14. Maybe this time he’ll even let us seem them!

    Also, does anyone else think it’s funny that the trailer showed, like, one shot of Shia Labeouf? Like they were contractually obligated to indicate that he was in the movie but they didn’t expect anyone to care. Methinks maybe America’s love affair with him has ended.

  511. “talk about blowing your load”

  512. My list of favorite directors is verymuch a list of my favorites and not who I think is “best”. I say that because I think my #1 choice is really amazing but a big reason why they are my favorite is because they’re still working and I’m always really excited by whatever they decide to do.

    1) The Coen Brothers
    2) Sergio Leone
    3) Akira Kurosawa

    Honorable Mentions: Clint Eastwood & Fernando Merielles

    I really admire the work of the Coen Brothers. They have such a great body of work today and I think they could do anything they want. Hell, I could see them making an awesome Transformers 4.

    Sergio Leone is so distinct and made some of my favorite movies. I love the way he uses music and shot his films.

    Akira Kurosawa is just Akira Kurosawa.

    Clint Eastwood is like the Coen Brothers in that I’ll see whatever he makes without reservation. He’s not the most stylish director but I’ve been fortunate enough to begin my love affair with film while he was very active and getting a chance to live through many of his great films it makes me excited for what he has in mind for the future.

    Meirelles, I think, has a distinct voice and visual style and I am very eager to see what he does in the future.


    I am very glad I’m not alone in mixed feelings about Transformers 3. I feel like a total chump but I’ll definitely go see it. I know it’s stupid to expect something different but the trailers make the film to be apocalyptic in scale with well staged action shots. If it follow through on that I think I can enjoy it without reservation.

  513. Preeshiate the feedback, Vern and everyone.  Now I guess I won’t feel too bad about seeing the Beast of the summer like every other sucker.  I got money, I can withstand this, I shouldn’t be so anti-capitalism.  My soul rages, but the stupid chief in BAD BOYS 2 had a calming technique I might use now.  Also, my only viewing of Trannies2 was with a bootleg dvd in Kuwait, so I’ve done my part to subvert Bay’s profits.  

    My favorite directors also happen to be the best: 

    1. Kubrick

    (this space intentionally left blank to show how much better Kubrick is than every other artist in the field of filmatism)

    2. Mann
    3. Verhoeven

    Any other list is wrong.  

    Honorable Mentions: Powell & Pressburger, Herzog, Aronofsky, Chaplin, Wilder, I should probably throw a female on this list to be politically correct oh well

    Special Prize for potential: Тимур Бекмамбетов / Timur Bekmambetov, Wachowski siblings

  514. Kubrick and Verhoeven are great choices. I think in the grand scheme of things they are both better than my choices.

    I’m with you, Mouth. I don’t want to give money to Bay. I’m against what he stands for and against capitalism at large. But, I’m a sucker and refuse to buy into this argument that since I’m against this all pervasive system that it somehow makes me a hypocrite that I exist in it.

    I remember seeing Bound when I was 14 or 15 and between that and Speed Racer I can see why the Wachowskis are on your list. One of the things I really liked about Speed Racer, to go on about capitalism and whatever, is that it has a really strong anticapitalist message.

    I reread Vern’s review of The Fountainhead and he’s completely right about it. What I never understood about Rand, and I’ve read almost all of her novels, is that she is so oblivious to the fact that her politics are completely opposed to her ideals. Hell, I kind of agree with her ideal that every person should work for themselves. I remember reading A Soul of a Man Under Socialism by Oscar Wilde and it seriously reads like a Randian tract but from a perspective that advocates for socialism.

    That’s part of why I liked Speed Racer. Speed Racer is all about the worker owning the means of production and not being subverted by a large business that is only focused on profits. At the end Speed is able to win the race because he realizes that he drives because that’s what he wants to do. He doesn’t do it because he wants to win or be the best or anything else. He does it because that’s who he is and that’s what he would do and even if he was the worst driver that ever lived he’d still be doing it.

    Long story short: I like Speed Racer and I like socialism and I think people forget that many advocates for socialists in the past were advocates for reasons Rand would agree with if she was not insane. Socialism is about the liberation of the worker from the tyranny of capital. Libertarians, Objectivists, Randroids, Neoliberals, and their ilk are all in favor of enslaving the masses under the yoke of tyrannical capital all under the guise of it being somehow natural and free.



    Well I’m sure some of you guys got into this over the last few months, if you have HBO it’s impossible not to catch any of the advertising. I myself started reading the books a few months before it started and ended up tearing through all four of the published novels in about 6 weeks. Close to 4000 pages when it was all said and done, way more time than I’ve ever put into any other book series. I am now eagerly awaiting book five, which releases in three weeks. I feel very lucky that I came into the series after the eight year gab between books four and five.

    I personally don’t think you could ask for a much better or faithful,yet still entertaining,adaptation of the books. All my favorite characters were perfectly cast, Peter Dinklage will be taking home an Emmy this year for his role of Tyrion. Emilia Clarke as Dany showed such a growth from the timid little sister in episode one to the the unburnt Dragon Queen in the finale. And Sean Bean gives the best performance of his career as the head of the Stark family. The list goes on and on really.

    I hope they are given a larger budget next year though. Budget constraints are really apparent for certain events(the Tournament, The Battle of the Green Fork and Jamies capture by Robb) but don’t really hurt my opinion of the show.They nailed the feel of Westeros in terms of costumes,settings and props. And at the end of the day this is really story about characters and the politics of the realm. That being said, the last shot in the last episode with the dragons crawling over Dany was really well done. If they save their budget for money shots like that I’ll be happy.

    My biggest gripe would be that they need to find some way to get the direwolves into the story more, newcomers to the series probably aren’t feeling just how connected they are to the Stark children and how big a role they are in their lives.

    But anyway what did you guys think about the first season that just ended last week? Did they do the source material justice? If you haven’t read it before, were you blown away by the twists and turns the story takes?

  516. Talking about TV shows: Did anybody watch FALLING SKIES? It’s starting here on Friday and I would like to know what you thought of it.

  517. CJ-A pretty decent two-hour pilot. The effects weren’t too shoddy. Some good recognizable character actors. I was definitely impressed enough to want to see where it goes from here.

  518. I could see myself giving 1 or 2 of those FIRE & ICE books a chance to fill my leisure time if the 2011 NFL season doesn’t happen. I was going to give John Crowley a chance to burst my fantasy lit cherry, but I assume you think George Martin is a good investment of my time, dieselboy? Or I could just do that thing that I hate and always quietly complain about other people doing: skip the books and wait & NetFlix the HBO series.

  519. Two hours? Aw fuck, looks like the international audience gets a 45 minutes version again. Just like they did with THE WALKING DEAD. (To be fair: The short version of the TWD pilot didn’t feel like anything was missing.)

  520. Yeah Mouth I’d say it’s a good investment of your time to be sure. It’s a book so full of the most BADASS characters, heroes and villains, I feel pretty confident saying you wouldn’t be disappointed. If anything pick it up and give it a couple hours of your time, you should know pretty quickly whether or not you like the authors style and the world he is throwing you into.

  521. I so very badly wanted to love Game of Thrones. I’ve given the first book out as gifts and hell I even used to play the card game with friends and traveled to tournaments around the country for it.

    I think the series was really lackluster and had a lot of problems. A lot of those problems, however, stem from the book so I can’t be too upset.

    First, I want to say what I liked. Tyrion is great. I think Dany comes into her own in the last episode and the ending with the dragons was well done. I think some of the bit parts are well done. I think they sometimes have some solid cinematography, although other times it’s really awful.

    I think the major problem with the show, despite its budget, is that they give a lot of the “bad” characters so much depth and character that they become sympathetic and understandable. They never bother to do that with the Starks so ultimately I don’t care. Ned is boring, clueless, and really honorable but he has no real character. I understand why Cersei wants to keep fucking her brother and stop anyone that wishes to get in her way. I don’t understand the motivations of any of the Starks except that they believe honor is important so it’s okay to get thousands of peasants and soldiers killed because of honor or something. I see the end game for the Lannisters and while they’re kind of bad I at least understand their motivations. The Starks don’t have any and they’re just the default heroes of the show and triumphant / sad music plays for them as needed but I never feel like they ever earn the viewer’s loyalty or compassion. Just because we spend time with someone doesn’t mean they’re a character.

    The Starks were pretty one dimensional in the books, too, but I guess it didn’t bother me too much. The show just really makes it painful for me.

    I like Tyrion a lot, though, so that’s good.

    Honestly, I think the show can be saved. I think they need to stop being so slavishly devoted to the books. We didn’t need to see how awful Catelyn’s sister was or how awful Walder Frey is, either. We don’t need to see and hear a ton from Theon but we do need to care about Robb and so far he has no personality (he never had one in the books, either) and that needs to be fixed. Littlefinger is boring and so is Varys. Every scene involving either character brings up how Littlefinger has no friends and Varys is a eunuch and they bring it up a lot. All the time. It’s the only thing they talk about. Also, scenes where it’s just Varys and Littlefinger talking are the worst scenes that just stop the show cold.

    I also think the show needs to focus on the intrigue and main storyline. All the diversions to Jon and Dany slow the show down, too. They should just have them make 2 hour movies for them every season until those plotlines merge with the rest of the story. Hell, they could even do Dany’s in the summer and Jon’s in the Winter. I think making those stories conform to a tighter narrative would make them more interesting as well.

    I really like Tyrion, though, and like the books he’s the main reason I’ll keep watching. I hope Davos is as rad as he was in the books, too.

    I’m really looking forward to Falling Skies. It starts on Friday? If so I’ll need to make sure to DVR it.

  522. Mouth, I would wait until the series is completed before reading it. The first three books are excellent and have a lot of good characters and great story. The fourth book was kind of awful, though, and I have increasingly little hope for the rest of the series.

    Basically, the first three books feature a lot of the intrigue and battles and has very little “fantasy” in it. I think the series is going to expand on the fantasy element a great deal and really become awful and trite. That’s also assuming GRRM finishes the series and I would not place money on that happening.

    If the third book didn’t end on some really gripping cliffhangers I would almost recommend just reading the first three as its own story.

  523. Casey-I think one of of the things that I like best from the books is that the so-called “bad” characters are rarely that one dimensional. Sure there are evil fuckers like Joffrey and The Mountain but characters like Jamie or The Hound can start off being some of the most despised in the series and over the course of a few books grow to become favorites.

    As far as feeling detached from the Starks, I dunno, I think maybe having read the books and spending all that time in their head maybe was better for developing a real bond with the Starks and letting you know what drives them. I never really read Ned as clueless, in the show or the books, just determined to serve his term as Hand as honorably as he could and dispense justice to anyone involved with the murder of Jon Arryn.

    I also don’t understand how you don’t see the benefit of giving Theon so much screentime this first season. His role in the second book is so big it would seem odd if he was just in the background throughout most of this season. The emotional impact will be much bigger next season when he finally chooses what side he wants to fight for. And Walder Frey is a great character, even if his part to play won’t become apparent until season three I really liked that they worked him into the show already. I pictured him about 30 years older in the books but the Hogswarts groundskeeper did a great job in the role.

  524. Thanks, Casey & dieselboy. I’m always looking to expand my horizons, and I go through periods in which I read a freakish number of words everyday, especially now that ground-based missions have slowed way down in favor of unmanned skybot operations in the ‘stans, but I like to focus myself and stick to a plan before I dive into new literature, so your advice is helpful. I won’t be playing any hobbity card games or tournaments, though.

    I keep hearing good things about Game of Thrones. That probably makes the George Martin series the fantasy frontrunner in the campaign for my eyeballs’ attention, since I love to compare literature and the cinema based on it, but the books’ll be under a pile of historical & political texts most days, and will probably only get my attention if there’s no pro football this season. Also, once Volume II of the Mark Twain autobiographical texts comes out, I’ll go into hiding to read nothing but that for a couple weeks. Priorities, you know?

  525. I totally see where you’re coming from, dieselboy. I don’t want to say I was a fan who is now jaded but I think I’m becoming one.

    I’m not against the “bad guys” being complex and fleshed out. I think it’s great, actually. I just think the TV show, and this is directed more at the TV show than the books, invented a few scenes making Cersei and Jaime more reasonable and sympathetic while giving us no reason to care about the Starks at all.

    I think a big problem in the books, and this is a problem that definitely spread to the TV series, is that Martin has some really great characters but he also has some characters that are totally one note and uninteresting. I think Tyrion, Brienne, Davos, Jaime, and some other characters like Sam are well written and have depth.

    Other characters just don’t. I think Jon is boring. Ned is honorable but I have a hard time finding another adjective for him. Catelyn is a mother, I guess. Robb is good at fighting and battles. The show suffers from this, too.

    One area where I think the show has improved on the books is with Cersei. GRRM is terrible at writing from a woman’s perspective. She’s basically a psychopath who wishes she had a penis. In the show, so far, she has a lot more personality and depth.

    I’m in favor of giving her more depth but I think they totally forgot to do that with the Starks. I think they’re boring and so far up their own ass about their notions of honor that I wish the Lannisters win.

    I’m a huge fan of the first three books. I think they’re legitimately good. I just think that the series has been written into a corner and the ending is going to be spectacularly awful and betray the tone of the first three books. But man, those first three books are really good even if the show totally misunderstands why.

  526. Also, Mouth, how was the first volume of Twain’s autobiography? My wife is almost done reading it and she’s loving it. I hope to get to it after her. I’ve been on a big leftist kick and have been reading Chomsky and Zizek lately. I just finished rereading Marx’s Capital for the 4th or 5th time but this time I read it along David Harvey’s lectures. It was pretty great.

    Before that I was on a big Faulkner kick and prior to that I did my semiregular reread of Moby Dick.

  527. speaking of fantasy series with huge followings, I would suggest you guys check out Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series

    the last 3 books in the series get a lot of hate, but they’re not as bad as they’re made out to be in my opinion

    although the series does peak with the third book, which is so awesome it’s worth the price of admission alone

  528. I plan on picking up the Dark Tower as soon as I finish the next song of ice and fire book. with only a month in between my finishing the fourth book and the fifth being released I didn’t really want to jump into a new long series and start trying to learn alot of new characters. My understanding is it’s like a mix of western fantasy and horror. Is that right?

  529. I’d say it’s a mixture of magical realism, western, and horror. At least for the first three books. It’s solid stuff!

  530. The Twain autobiography so far is more disorganized than it should be for a series of texts so heavily edited & scrutinized by so many experts, so it can be a chore to read and tough on the eyes, but every few pages there’s at least one badass passage that reveals how unrelentingly cynical yet Southern-gentlemanly tactful he is toward every facet of society and its citizens or something that sheds a mighty light on Twain’s ideas on posterity & the literary ramifications of the new technology used in recording the material, like this description of the act of writing with a simile about [of course] a flowing body of water:

    **Narrative should flow as flows the brook down through the hills and the leafy woodlands . . . a brook that never goes straight for a minute, but goes, and goes briskly, sometimes ungrammatically, and sometimes fetching a horseshoe three-quarters of a mile around and at the end of the circuit flowing within a yard the path that it traversed an hour before; but always going, and always following at least one law, always loyal to that law, the law of narrative, which has no law. Nothing to do but make the trip; the how of it is not important so that the trip is made.**

    that makes it worth the slog.

    If you pay attention to my writing style*, with my abundance of appositives & parentheticals and the occasional run-on sentence or fragment, you can probably see why I appreciate that particular passage.

    *which is not to say that I am comparing myself to Mark Twain, God of Words & Wit before whom I bow, in any way

  531. My wife was telling me that a big reason why she liked it was because it was written in a very scrambled way. Well, scrambled probably isn’t right but it wasn’t done chronologically and she was telling me it more felt like a stream of consciousness autobiography where he goes into tangents on politics and whatnot as the issue would naturally arise.

    I’m pretty excited to read it. One of my favorite classes I took when I was doing my Religious Studies degree was in the Gospel of Mark as spoken word and I get the impression that Twain’s autobiography might make for some really great spoken word performance.

  532. THE TREE OF LIFE is finally within driving distance for me. Later this afternoon, I shall enjoy the new Terrence Malick joint. This pleases me.

    I’ll go out on a limb and say that I’ll probably like this movie, since Malick is batting 1.000 in his career so far in my opinion, and I encourage anyone who cares about cinema to see THE TREE OF LIFE on the big screen. Don’t wait for home release. Malick doesn’t deserve to be reduced to that, even if you have a 100″ LED TV or whatever.

  533. I don’t know if you guys saw the news, but Peter Falk has passed away. He will probably be best remembered for Columbo, but he was great in films like MACHINE GUN MCCAIN, THE PRINCESS BRIDE, UNDISPUTED, & MADE.

  534. I shall upgrade his lifetime pass, earned for being part of WINGS OF DESIRE, to an eternity pass.

  535. Ok then. “Julia’s Eyes”.

    For the first three quarters of this film, it’s a brilliantly atmospheric character study of a woman who’s slowly losing both her sight and, according to the people around her, her sanity. Of course we know that she’s right; but others don’t, and she begins to lose confidence in herself as her vision gets worse and worse. As her perception of the world gets worse, so does her link with the people she knows.

    This continues up until the last quarter of the film, where it’s played as a “straight” stalker joint. I have to say, the two parts of the film don’t mesh very well. There’s a couple too many cliches of this kind of film in the last part (why is it that the blind girl in peril always turns off the lights, and the menacing villain always finds a creative way to get around this?) I gotta say though, the villain is so convincingly bonkers, and the “conventional” scary parts so well executed, that I can kind of forgive the film if it’s a little obvious at points.

    One complaint I have: the film starts out looking too washed-out. The technique used is to have the audience’s perception mirror the main character’s – as she loses her sight, the screen gets darker, etc. I think that the parts of the film where her eyes are working the best (it’s made clear that they’re never perfect) should’ve been in glorious colour. So this didn’t quite work for me.

    But overall this is a gripping, scary-as-hell almost-blind-girl-in-peril film with some unexpectedly poignant moments (in particular between the woman and her disbelieving husband) and one HELL of a villain. Definitely recommended if you’re into this kind of thing.

  536. Oh, and for the record, no it’s not as good as “Wait until Dark”. But it’s pretty damn close.

  537. so I heard that they’re finally filming World War Z

    I am so super happy to hear that, even though I only read it last year, World War Z is one of my favorite books I’ve ever read


  538. I think World War Z could be really, really good. I hope they focus on two or three stories and flesh them out instead of trying to include everything. I could see this being a good zombie anthology film series if it’s done right and I would be eager to see a sequel every year as there’s a lot of good stories to be told from the book.

  539. Are they still pushing for a PG 13?

  540. yeah, I’m hoping that the PG-13 rating is just a rumor because you can NOT have a PG-13 zombie movie

    that’s the only thing that throttles my excitement a bit

  541. FTopel…you were at the Saturn Awards too? God Damnit. I could have used someone more fun to talk to than my coworkers. ahaha. drop me a line so we can grab a drink at comic-con or something. Straight 2 video at gee mail dot come (spell make those all words instead of numerals and remove the spaces)

  542. Also, SEE TREE OF LIFE IN A THEATER. Seriously, you won’t regret it. I loved it stone sober, but you might get something extra out of it if you eat a weed brownie first, if that’s your style.

  543. I need to find a quote from Vern, where he was talking about Star Wars fans and their constant complaining about George Lucas and the franchise. It all came down to something like: “They apparently like only the first two movies out of a series with six movies.”

    Can anybody here remember where he wrote this (I know, not very likely, considering the amount of written words here)? Because I would like to use this quote on Thursday.

  544. That’s a pretty good quote CJ, i wish I knew where he said that. And not to sound like some cooler-than-thou asshole, but I’m glad people are finally coming around to hating Episode III. I specifically remember people LOVING that movie when it first came out. Didn’t Spielberg cry during it or Kevin Smith said it redeemed the whole trilogy or some shit? I actually think it’s the WORST of the prequels- at least Ep I has the “so bad it’s good” thing going for it and Ep II has an awesome final 40 minutes of pure, well-directed action. Ep III is just a checklist of shit that needs to happen, done in the most rote and uninteresting ways. It’s like the last 10 minutes of Xmen: First Class but for a whole movie.

  545. I found it! It goes: “Half of these guys don’t even like the Return of the Jedi one, so they like 2 out of a 6 movie series and still won’t shut up about it.”

    I found it here in the comments, because I somehow remembered that it was underneath a Hitfix article from one or two years ago.: http://www.hitfix.com/blogs/motion-captured/posts/sxsw-the-people-vs-george-lucas

  546. To me, Épisode 3 was the only one of the prequels that had the pacing right. The first two, especially the first one just grinded to a complete halt when Qui-gon and Obi wan arrived to Tatooine. It picked up later sure, but I remember Episode 3 being the most entertaining “thrillride” of them all.

  547. Oh shit, I just realized that my search for that one specific quote might have caused ANOTHER prequel discussion on here. I deeply apologize for that.

  548. ^^^^* But let’s stay clear of complaining about George Lucas shit, please. Just so there’s one spot on the internet, you know?^^^^^

    Check Vern’s guidelines at the top of this page. You’re on notice!

  549. I’ll just chime in and say I never understood why Return of The Jedi gets hate

    all the hate stems simply from the Ewoks and people ignore everything else about the movie, Jabba’s Palace, the Rancor, the Sarlacc pit, getting to see Vader’s face, ‘it’s a trap!’ etc

    and at least the Ewoks are actual people in suits, plus they don’t talk (or at least say anything you can understand), they just look cute, big freakin deal

    it’s ridiculous to say the Ewoks are as annoying as Jar Jar

  550. holy shit guys, pug puppies for sale!

  551. It’s always bad for property value when a new pug dealer moves into town.

  552. Jareth Cutestory

    June 25th, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    Vern recently made a compelling argument that the ewoks are more badass than the chewbaccas, particularly in terms of the damage they inflict.

  553. Ace Mac Ashbrook

    June 26th, 2011 at 5:48 am

    I liked the Ewoks. I also don’t mind Short Round beating up grown men. I wasn’t upset at Indy getting shot across the desert in a refrigerator. I don’t see what people get so pissed at.

  554. That damn fridge sequence was fantastic. Who doesn’t wanna imagine & execute a breathless escape from a nuclear blast? That’s the ultimate rush, and it made for great cinema in my minority opinion (<<not a racial comment, PC police). Spielberg filmed it very nicely; in other news, water is wet.

    For me, that was the point where I said, "Ok, this movie is gonna be some good shit," as I chuckled and settled in. The rest of the movie was pretty good, too, but that fridge sequence is special.

  555. The fridge sequence is easily the best part of the movie. Why it got singled out and not the rubber snake is beyond me.

  556. I too thought the fridge sequence was pretty cool, if ridiculous (but that goes without saying)

    I mean the town with all the mannequins was creepy and that countdown was exciting, you legitimately had no idea how Indy was gonna get out of that situation

    plus I seem to be the only person to realize that the whole sequence was simply a homage to the original finale of Back To The Future

  557. and speaking of Indy 4, it looks like that’s what Harry S Plinkett is gonna review next, so I guess we can forget about nerds opinions coming around to it after a while

  558. I save you time and give a you a short summary of the Plinkett review:

    “Wah wah wah wah, I’m a psychopath haha, wah wah wah worst film ever, wah wah wah, wife in basement ha ha, wah wah wah wah whatever stupid argument I found on the imdb message boards wah wah more mentions of my wife who is locked in my basement because I’m a psychopath ha ha ha, wah wah damn you George Lucas, worst film ever.”

    I haven’t seen it, but that’s pretty much what his Star Wars reviews were, so something tells me it will be like that.

  559. I actually liked Plinkett’s first few reviews – yeah, the basement shit got real old real fast, but he brought up a lot of points about Episode I that were actually well-thought out and not overplayed. Like I don’t think he even really touched on Jar Jar Binks, b/c there isn’t really much you can say that hasn’t already been said. I wouldnt be surprised at all if Plinkett’s review barely mentioned the nuking of the fridge, the prairie dogs, or the tarzan scene.

    And I actually didn’t hate any of the above scenes w/ KOTCS – I had more of a problem with the tired plot, the really boring middle section, the weak villain, two of the lamest supporting characters ever (Ox and Mac), no chemistry between Indy with either Marion or his son. Oh and yet another ending where Indy kinda doesn’t do anything and the villains defeat themselves.

  560. I find all the Red Letter Media reviews funny and entertaining, whether I agree with them or not

  561. Part of his schtick is that he’s hyperbolic and nitpicky, but he also makes a lot of cogent, well-reasoned arguments and doesn’t harp on the typical fanboy complaints. Two of my favourite parts are when he asks his friends to describe characters from EPISODE I, and when he examines the way Lucas shoots dialog in the EPISODE III review. Both are really great criticisms. His STAR TREK reviews are entertaining as well, and the way he describes how the TNG movies continually botched Picard’s character is spot on. I thought his BABY’S DAY OUT review was great as well, taking that same nitpicky, nerdy mindset and applying to it to a completely different genre of movie.

  562. regarding Plinkett- I think the guy is hilarious and offers some great insights into George Lucas’s progression from a promising young filmmaker,with a real passion for the world and characters he was trying to bring to people, to the dull, lazy, uninspired mess we got with the second trilogy. I found them infinitely better and easily more re-watchable than the movies they were analyzing.

  563. Count me as a fan of RedLetterMedia’s reviews as well. Some of the humor is bad but a lot of it works and a lot of the points they bring up are valid and interesting. I also get the impression that he, or they, really love film and really wanted to love these movies. I don’t know, I think they do a lot of what Vern does in that they take a critical eye to movie reviewing and bring up a lot of points I would not think of myself while being funny.

  564. The problem is that the few, insightful moments in his reviews (at least in the two I saw) aren’t really new at all. They are pretty much arguments that I read years ago several times somewhere else.

  565. So the biggest, movie related news of today is apparently that Pixar is working on TOY STORY 4, all based on a quote that started with “I think there will” and continued with “yeah, yeah, yeah” from Tom Hanks, who doesn’t even work at Pixar.

  566. Are you calling Tom Hanks a liar? That makes WWII veterans cry.

  567. No, I call all those websites, that used such a throwaway quote as a fact, idiotic.

  568. Didn’t Toy Story 3 end on a perfect note to finish the series on? The Toy Story franchise is ,one of the, if not THE very best film trilogy completed in terms of staying true to the tone and characters established in the original.Why even take the chance of souring the public’s view on something so beloved.

    The recent Cars 2 hanging around 30% on RT shows that, even Pixar, is possible of a mis-step here or there. I say let it end, it’s already had the best possible ending for these toys.

  569. Relax, nobody said anything official yet.

  570. I hear people constantly mentioning a “McDreamy” being in TRANSFORMERS 3. I’m no Transformers expert, but is he an Autobot or Decepticon? And most of all, how became a robot with such a shitty name so popular among nerds, who even hated that Optimus suddenly had a mouth!

  571. Okay, so I know what a McDreamy is but first I must explain the whys and hows.

    5 or 6 years ago I was in line at the cafeteria getting food. In front of me were some young women chattering on and on about a show called Gre(a?)y(‘?)s Anatomy. The way they were talking about it made me want to swallow my own tongue it sounded so bad. Apparently one of the guys in it was named McDreamy. I remember it because it sounded so stupid.

    (for all I know it could be a legitimately good show, but the way these women talked about it I would have a hard time believing it)

  572. It is not a legitimately good show. But Jeffrey Dean Morgan exploded out of nowhere once and that was pretty awesome.

  573. CJ – it’s reference to a shitty prime time soap opera called Grey’s Anatomy

    not to sound sexist (though this comment probably is), but most American women have really shitty taste in entertainment (Twilight for example)

  574. Toy Story 3 does indeed END on the perfect note, but I find the body of the movie unsatisfying. In light of the magnitude of Toy Story 2, TS3 just retread those conflicts with a different bad guy. So I will always be happy to develop that world further, and if TS4 sucks, go for TS5.

    I had an idea of a missed opportunity in TS3. Lotso saw he was replaced like Jessie in TS2, but Lotso went evil. But they missed an important difference. Lotso’s child still loved him. He was replaced by an exact copy of himself, because to the parents, just buying another Lotso makes their kid happy. THAT’s a story, how does a toy cope with other copies of himself doing the same job? They had some fun with the second Buzz in TS2 but I see the next level of existential crisis in this one.

    There is a Toy Story short before Cars 2. It’s silly and not great, but it’s fun and nice to know there’s a world continuing in Bonnie’s room. Obviously, Andy should have kids one day and get Buzz and Woody back from Bonnie.

  575. I don’t know guys, I love Toy Story so much that I’m game for another one

    the third did indeed have a perfect ending, but it also had a perfect new beginning, I think there’s plenty more stories to tell

  576. I don’t know guys, I love Toy Story so much that I’m game for another one

    the third did indeed have a perfect ending, but it also had a perfect new beginning, I think there’s plenty more stories to tell

    on a side note, who else would love to see Pixar remake The Brave Little Toaster

  577. If Fast and Furious, Fast Five and Furious Six can be a new trilogy, so can The Toy and the Story, The Story of Toys and Toy Tales.

  578. Jareth Cutestory

    June 28th, 2011 at 7:51 am

    I’m not going to be the guy who makes the joke about Andy being old enough in TOY STORY 4 to add sex toys to his collection. Or to nominate Andy Dick as the voice of the dildo.

    Also, I think it would have been really cool if the Garbage Robot in PIXAR’S GARBAGE ROBOT made big cubes out of discarded crappy Pixar merchandise, including the TOY STORY toys, while he was tooling away on the ruins of earth for the first half hour of that movie.

  579. so guys new topic time, who are some directors who aren’t “kosher” to like that you like anyway? that is to say directors that the general nerd population hate, but you can’t understand why? it’s time to let it all hang out, no matter who it is

    for me it’s Eli Roth, I’ve seen all three of his movies and loved all of them

    I can’t understand why he gets so much hate, he makes horror films that 1. aren’t freakin’ remakes and 2. aren’t watered down PG-13

    that kind of stuff should be encouraged and yet he gets so much hate, I honestly think it’s jealously, he’s living the dream, getting to hang out with Tarantino, make horror movies and get beautiful women to take their tops off in them, so it’s no surprise that AICN talkbackers (among others) can’t stand him

    Cabin Fever is not very scary admittedly, but it is very funny (I especially love Officer Winston) and it features Cerina Vincent’s boobs, what’s not to like? for a low budget horror movie it could have turned out a heck of a lot worse

    the Hostel movies I saw about 2 years ago, long after all the hype had died down and I thought they awesome

    with Hostel the moniker “torture porn” turned out to be wrong, I was lead to believe that the movie would have really long, dragged out torture scenes, instead there were only a few and while they were pretty intense they were over with pretty quickly (though I should note that I have only seen the theatrical version)

    Hostel 2 did what a good sequel should do and expanded on the premise in interesting ways

    so overall I really like the guy, if there’s one legitimate complaint it’s that he needs to get off his ass and direct another movie already

  580. Eli Roth is hated by nerds? I always thought he would be popular among them, but doesn’t get along with “normal” critics.

    (To be honest: He seems to be an arrogant dick in real life. The list of people who have been blocked by him on any social network, just for giving a negative or not 100% positive review of his work is long! So maybe that is the problem.)

  581. well he has his fans, but I’ve seen nothing but hate on sites like Aint It Cool (though the argument could be made that they hate everything)

  582. From an European point of view, and please forgive me for writing this, Eli Roth IS The Ugly American. He is big, loud and has strong opinions about things he know very little about. His portail of Holland in the first Hostel movie made me turn it off after 10-15 minutes. You just don’t take shit like that from someone you don’t respect. It’s kinda like The George W. Syndrome, I guess.

  583. dude, Hostel was set in Slovakia, not Holland

    it starts out in Amsterdam, which is not in Holland either

  584. and I think you’re taking it just a bit too seriously, they filmed it in Romania and if you listen to the commentary Roth said that he absolutly loved the town they shot it in

    besides I heard a rumor that the upcoming DTV Hostel 3 (not directed by Roth however) will be set in Las Vegas

  585. pegsman: Sorry, but you didn’t get HOSTEL at all. Making a movie ridiculing The Ugly American doesn’t make you The Ugly American.

  586. I was surprised by Hostel too. I thought it was going to be an hour and a half of people being tied to chairs and being prodded and poked with numerous sharp objects. It actually turned out to be more of a thriller with some horror elements to it. I don’t know who played the brunette who seduces the nerdy guy but goddamn was she beautiful. The only real negative i have to say about the movie is the beginning is long and drawn out. Ok, these guys are a trio of unlikeable douchebags trying anything and everything to get laid. I get it. I didn’t need what felt like an hour to set that up. Other than that I enjoyed it.

  587. It’s been a while since I saw Hostel, but I remember thinking similar about it like ThomasCrown: That it worked surprisingly well as a thriller, that even justified it’s gory moments within the context of the story. On the other hand it never seemed to fully reach the goals it sets to itself and fell flat, so all in all it was better made than most critics had the balls to admit, but still pretty forgettable.

  588. Cabin Fever has one tremendously effective moment (the shaving scene), but is rife with the type of white entitlement that Roth is trying to spoof in Hostel. And no, the punchline to the niggaz joke doesn’t make it legitimate. Of course, when I was in New Mexico I had a nearly identical experience, without the punchline, so maybe he was just being accurate.

    Hostel is also very well made, even if many of the non-kill scenes were horribly amateurish in execution. I mean, the steadycam through the club was just first year student film work. And not even first year student work from a good film school. Meanwhile, Part II completely missed the point. By putting women back front and center the film completely undermines the subversive elements of the original. It also gave my girlfriend at the time a rape flashback. So there’s that.

    Also, when I met him in person he struck me as rapist creepy.

  589. Griff, I’ll admit I enjoy most Brett Ratner movies. The man knows how to put a scene together so we can see what’s happening and be engaged in a story. I loved McG for Charlie’s Angels but not really much since.

    And Michael Davis, my soul mate.

  590. Oh, and Rob Cohen. XXX is wonderful excess and Stealth is fun. Man, I’ve got to see Dragon again and verify that it’s still good.

  591. FYI: I saw Mr. Nobody at the LA Film Festival. Blew my mind. Jaco van Dormael. Played Venice 2009 but never got distribution. Can any of our Region 2 friends vouch for me?

  592. holy shit Tawdry, you actually met Roth in person? care to expound on how you met him and why he struck you as “rapist creepy”?

  593. I 2nd the Brett Ratner nomination. Most of his movies are solid. I enjoyed X 3 and Rush Hour 1 and 2 (3 was horrible though). Not classics but I enjoyed them enough. I’ve mentioned before that I really enjoyed After the Sunset. Its one of my favorite “I’m surfing the net and want some background noise” movies. Its easy to watch and easy on the eyes. I’ve heard good things about the Prison Break pilot and Money Talks is a fun movie. I’m in no way saying that he’s some underrated visionary or anything but he seems pretty harmless. I dont get why people hate him so much. Is he a dick in real life or something?

  594. the Brett Ratner hate stems entirely from X Men 3, people were simply pissed that he replaced Bryan Singer and they never got over it

  595. Fred, I watched the end of xXx again recently, and maybe you’re the only other one who gets it. Did you ever notice that all the dramatic cuts to random statues and innocent Czech civilians during the climactic GTO-AHAB-harpoon chase are hilarious? I’m a Rob Cohen fan as well.

    **directors who aren’t “kosher” to like that you like anyway? that is to say directors that the general nerd population hate, but you can’t understand why? **

    Griff – As a director, he was a one-off, but oh that one he did was a dandy. He came; he conquered. He said his piece, dropped the mic, and retired to the easy life of DTV & law enforcement. His name is Steven fucking Seagal.

  596. I like Michael Bay and M. Night Shyamalan. Are Tony Scott and Zack Snyder generally hated? Or just hated intensely by a few? Either way, I like both of them, too. If there is one person I don’t want to be like it’s The Internet. So I make it a point to try and enjoy anything by these directors. I don’t always succeed but I give it my best.

    I actually can’t really understand hating any directors. The worst offense they have committed against you is trying to entertain you and failing. Surely all that merits is a tip of your cap and a, “Good day, sir, we shall part ways here. I won’t be seeing you again.” Maybe I am just gifted but I find it extremely easy to not watch movies from directors who I don’t really care for. In fact, I’m doing it right now. It’s pretty simple. I can do it in my sleep at this point.

  597. btw part of what prompted the Eli Roth mention is that in a few days I’m going to be visiting family and staying in a cabin in the North Carolina woods, no shit

    guess I should avoid drinking the water huh?

  598. This time of year, when it’s unlikely the NC woods have undergone any controlled burns lately, I’d be more concerned with poison ivy/oak/sumac, ticks, brown recluses, and miscellaneous critters that come to inhabit your footwear & latrines overnight.


  599. great

    well there’s no basement, so at least I don’t have to worry about finding the necronomicon (or do I)

  600. Jake, you said it best. The whole “that’s two hours I’ll never get back” attitude is far worse than a bad movie to me. So you didn’t like it. You’re a movie fan, you watch movies anyway. Also, a bad movie still employed hundreds of artists for a year and maybe allowed them to do something else they were really passionate about. Perspective, people.

    Mouth, I think according to Seagalogy, he directed lots of his movies by sheer force of personality.

  601. Mr Majestyk, I didn’t really get to the part where Roth ridicules The Ugly American. All I saw was the part where he portrayed Holland (Griff, thanks for supporting me by not knowing that Holland is the Dutch name for The Netherlands) as some backwards banana republic. No big deal, but life’s way too short for stupid movies.

  602. I thought Holland was a country :|

  603. So there is this new trailer for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 4, which looks all kinds of cool, despite using an Eminem song (featuring Pink? Sounds like her.) and of course cutting to black every 0,5 seconds. Damn you Brad Bird, for making me watch another M:I movie!


  604. I just sold my soul, because I agreed to play a Hippie in a seriously shitty scripted reality show next week. But hey, one week Ibiza in a 3 stars hotel for free! They even pay me 400 bucks! Selling your soul rules!

  605. By the way, have you guys seen this amazing clip from INDIAN ROBOT ENDHIRAN? Craziest action sequences I’ve seen all year. Might not be quite photorealistic in places, but you gotta give em credit for commitment to pure fucking insanity. Step up your game, America.


  606. I’ve seen the whole movie. There’s a part where the robot hunts down the mosquito that bit the object of his affections, defeats it in combat, and makes it come back and apologize.

  607. Ugh, my wife is always having me do that. Just like an Indian Robot to be so whipped so fast.

  608. “So there is this new trailer for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 4, which looks all kinds of cool, despite using an Eminem song (featuring Pink? Sounds like her.) and of course cutting to black every 0,5 seconds. Damn you Brad Bird, for making me watch another M:I movie!”
    Yeah, it looks like it could be fun, but it’s also full of elements I’ve seen multiple times before in Mission Impossible:
    -Ethan Hunt and his team go rogue
    -Ethan gets thrown through the air by an explosion that comes from a direction that isn’t in front of him
    -IMF’s director is once again not the same guy from the previous film.
    -Ethan climbing a big structure without the aid of a safety line
    -Ethan swinging around a big structure using a line
    I’m intrigued by Jeremy Renner’s character(I’m going to go out on a limb now and guess he’s Jim Phelps’ son, and I actually hope he is, because the lack of interconnectivity/continuity between the movies in the series besides a few recurring characters has always bugged me for some reason), and the shot that seems to make Simon Pegg looks somewhat badass non-ironically.

    Jon Favreau interviewed Harrison Ford recently about COWBOYS VS. ALIENS and Ford actually seems like a happy dude about it:

  609. RE: M:I 4

    Looks like more of the same though it’s cool to see Cruise doing a stunt in what I think is the world’s tallest building nothing there gets me excited at all. I only like DePalma’s movie; it’s not perfect especially since they killed off the team early into it but it was a solid thriller that still holds up.

    Haven’t seen the second one since the theaters and didn’t like it so I don’t plan on ever revisiting it. The third one I tried to sit through I really really tried but I turned it off 20 min into it. Like the majority of things involving JJ Abrams it was just so fucking unpleasantly boring that I couldn’t sit through it. I will see this one cause well it’s directed by Brad Bird. If the man is so masterful with animation I can only imagine what he could pull off in live action. Plus you know; I must financially support anything that could get him closer to making a Superman movie. But I’m not really hyped for the shit either.

    One thing I will say about part 2. Despite the movie being ass the trailer was way cooler than this one. I think cause at least it had some variation on the theme. That sold it even if it was Limp Bizkit. This Eminem shit is really glaringly out of place. The original TV theme song would’ve been much more effective actually. Probably would’ve even sold me on the lame trailer.

  610. Oh and where the fuck is Ving? is he even in this movie? and yes that was Pink on the Eminem song.

  611. I’m just happy to see Josh Holloway (Sawyer from Lost) in something other than Lost.

  612. Did you see him play the Black Rider, professional paintball assassin, in COMMUNITY?

  613. Vern are you going to review Cars 2? Please say yes

  614. A bit belated, but did anyone else see CM Punk’s terrific promo from Raw this week where he was basically allowed to rip into WWE for the reasons he’s leaving the company?

  615. Stu, CM Punk is one of my favorite wrestlers, and that promo was money and one of the best promos in years (I am trying to think of a better one, but can’t)! I think it was a complete work, but it felt like a shoot, and added a great deal of intrigue to his match up with Cena at the PPV.

  616. Word is that he was told to go out and say off the cuff how he felt, and they’d cut him off when they felt he was going too far.
    Either way it’s awesome, and tops the Joey Styles similar thing from the ECW angle years ago:

  617. Stu, I agree that it is even better then the Styles promo because Punk is just that much more charismatic and comfortable in his character. However, I don’t believe for a second that Punk did not have approval for everything he said. McMahon, is too much of a control freak to allow someone an open mic on his flag ship show and give him the green light and opportunity to go into business for himself. Either they have already resigned Punk and they are keeping it on the DL, or my guess is Punk wins at Money In The Bank, but before he can walk away with the title one of the money in the bank winners cashes in their title shot and wins the belt from him preventing him from walking off into the sunset with it.

  618. Anybody read the obit and the talkback for Ryan Dunn on AICN? Maybe I’m the asshole here, and I agree that what Dunn did was stupid but most of those comments are absolutely disgusting to me.

    We all do stupid shit (Heck Vern landed himself in prison…allegedly (or was it jail? Maybe neither. Moving on)) but us fortunate ones live through it and get to make up for our fuck ups, or more often, don’t fuck up big enough that others see it and skate away clean like nothing happened.

    I’m not much of a Christian but I remember some, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” business. Seems like a good code to live by as we all do stupid shit once in a while, (Not necaessarily drunk driving, though I’m sure there’s a person or two here and I suspect more on the talkback that have done that) the only difference is that we’ve been lucky thus far to not kill ourselves or someone else doing it.

    Plus the guy is dead. The Bin Laden thing made sense though that kind of made me feel weird hearing all the bloodlusting, but Ryan Dunn, from what I could tell from watching the CKY and Jackass videos seemed like a decent guy that made a bonehead decision that killed him and a friend. He wasn’t evil, but you wouldn’t know it from reading that talkback. I guess I should kick myself for expecting any sort of human decency on AICN.

  619. Hamslime – Yeah, I was disgusted when I saw that too. The part that blew me away was how the early part of the talkback was them all being pissed that tAICN posted about him at all. They acted like it was an undeserved, loving tribute. Bobo-Vision, the guy that wrote it, had to come on to defend himself and explain that don’t worry, he was actually shitting on a dead guy, everybody be cool.

    I’m only a casual Jackass fan, I had to be told which one was Ryan Dunn when I heard the news, but it doesn’t matter who it is. If you’re gonna write an attack on a guy’s life, his fans and his death then you don’t fucking pretend it’s an obituary and put it on The Ain’t It Cool News.

    I’m about 99% positive that the guy sent it in to Harry or somebody, they glanced at it and assumed it was a sincere tribute, and then posted it. I don’t think if they had read it closely they would’ve put it up. Lax editing is very much like them, brazen cruelty is not. But Harry hasn’t responded to my email about it so I don’t know.

  620. update: never mind, they didn’t post it on accident. Harry apparently hates the Jackass guys because he blames them for people injuring themselves doing stunts. Sounded like he didn’t post the thing but he said if he had “it’d been 10 times more brutal.”

    I don’t think of him as being that mean, it’s too bad. But I guess that’s his business.

  621. Wow, that’s fucked up.
    I guess it’s okay for Harry to post smutty euro porn plugs every week, but he finds Jackass morally objectionable. Yeah, I know it ain’t the same thing, but I still think it’s sleazy, and for a entertainment website, I figured moral high ground would be a bit lax. Not that I expect much from the AICN.

  622. Actually, after re-reading that talkback, I realize I’m done. The AICN bookmark is gone. I used to casually check he headlines, but as someone who has a lot of negativity in them (i’m working hard on it), I realize life’s too short, even if it’s only a few minutes a day. Besides, Bleeding Cool usually beats them on headlines.

    Once again, thanks Vern, for this internet island.

  623. Yeah, I also think of abandoning the AICN mainsite forever. (I will still fequently visit THE ZONE, though) I didn’t really participate in the Talkbacks for years anyway. Maybe one or two comments every few months, but that’s it. I usually don’t even read what comes afterwards.
    I’m not completely holding it against Harry though. He had a pretty bad back injury as you all know, and therefore all rights to pissed off for all the wrong reasons. I just don’t think he should release his anger in public.

  624. CJ:
    Yeah, for the past couple of years I’ve avoided the talkbacks, but this just tells me that the AICN staff is willing to let this kind of thing go, even encouraging it. I guess part of me always hoped they would eventually clean up the place, set rules, ect., but I can see now that’s never going to happen. So I’m done.

  625. We’ll that’s sad that Harry thinks that way. Perhaps it is time I join you guys and cut the cord as well. I just got back from a weekend in the mountains and feel pretty good right now. No sense in ruining those good vibes by reading trash and hatred.

    Perhaps Harry and bobo should skip a movie or two and spend some time to get out in nature for a bit. That could very well be all they need to get some perspective on things.

    I’m greatful for this sight though. I haven’t really been posting at all for some time, but I do read it a few times a week and it can’t be said enough. “You guys are great.”

  626. ThomasCrown442

    July 4th, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Thanks for link Stu. Good stuff.

  627. Btw, does anyone have any suggestions for a ‘weekly dvd release column’ I can check out? That’s the only real reason I ever went to the Site That Will Now Remain Unnamed (STWNRU), so any suggestions will be much appreciated.

  628. Chud does a decent one. Or your Best Buy ad.

  629. /film always does a good one, dvd release column that is

  630. Greetings from Ibiza. Everything you’ve heard about it is true. It’s hot, overpriced and DJs are national heroes.

  631. The new Lloyd album is mostly garbage, but the 3 songs that happen to share titles used previously by superior artists for superior songs (“Lay It Down”–The Reverend Al Green; “Angel”–Jimi Hendrix; “World Cry”–Jay-Z) are pretty good. The R. Kelly section of “World Cry”


    is beautiful; it’s the only thing I plan to play over & over again incessantly & loudly until my supervisor across the hall finally throws a stapler at me. (Yeah, I play loud music while I work all day in front of a bunch of computers. And I browse non-work websites, too, what.) Once that happens, I’ll try to do more research on this K’Naan musician I never heard of before for some reason. He guest verses on “World Cry,” and I’ve become a fan of this:

    which apparently I missed when it came out 2+ years ago. I work almost 7 days a week, but today has been pretty good for a workday.

  632. CJ, that sounds awesome. My dream is to retire to Cadiz, which I suspect is comparable to Ibiza in some ways. Photos, por favor.

  633. K’Naan is the shit. Guy seems larger than life just going off from the legend of his back ground (he didn’t know a lick of english; learned it from listening to rap music; then started to rap better in english than most American rappers). Something which I still somewhat hesitate to fully believe but do find awesome regardless.

    To his actual output (DUSTY FOOT PHILOSOPHER and TROUBADOUR are very ill albums) the man has “something” and has proven his talent. Listen to the song TRIBES OF WAR from the album DISTANT RELATIVES and watch him outshine Nas and Damian Marley as if they were a couple of amateurs. He’s definitely one of those artists to always keep an eye out for.

  634. I love that DISTANT RELATIVES album. Not sure why I never picked up on this K’Naan guy’s name or history before. Rhapsody’s got all his stuff, it appears, and I’m not consistently blown away by it when I hear it all in a row, but I’ll definitely be mixing in his flavor to my playlists in the coming months. Some of his raps are awkward, some are badass, but I’m really digging his current direction if he keeps the reggae-funk-soul bent going.

    I’ve never been to Somalia, but I’ve heard stories from some other employees of the federal government, and it strikes me as hell on earth. Glad K’Naan made it out of there.

  635. Mr Majestyk, a little warning about the fact that Endhiran/The Robot is three hours long and contains a dozen (looong) song and dance numbers would have been fine. I haven’t been so exhausted by a movie in a long time. But the action scenes are cool.

  636. What, and ruin the surprise?

  637. Who was it that said they had a chance to visit the set of LEATHERFACE 3D? I think you should do it and keep a look out for me.

  638. Wait, Vern are you saying that you’re doing a set visit? How would you be able to do this and maintain your anonymity? Won’t you be exposing your secret identity to too many outsiders?

  639. Jareth Cutestory

    July 6th, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I like the implied threat in that phrase “keep a look out for me.” It’s like Vern will be stalking the cast and crew of the LEATHERFACE film waiting for the first mistake so he can go to work kicking some asses.

    Or maybe he means “go to the set and observe things because I am unavailable to do so.” Which is also really cool, because it makes me feel like a member of a small army prepared to drop my civilian duties and spring into badass film fan action whenever called upon.

  640. Oh, I get it, you meant like keep tabs. Damn it, I thought we were about to get a confirmed Vern sighting.

  641. We don’t need to see Vern. He is always with us, in the smile on every baby, the bruise on every knuckle.

  642. Vern brought up the 4th TCM and I feel the need to defend it. Or to explain why it’s not as bad as the two Platinum Dune ones.

    I kind of liked the part 4 with Zelweger and McConaughey. Not that it’s a good movie or should have been associated with TCM in any way but it’s really insane. I just remember Zelweger screaming a lot, McConaughey yelling at Leatherface and having a weird robotic leg that is controlled by a remote control, and a weird appearance by the Illuminati at the end. That movie swung for the fences and is just totally insane.

    I mean, if you’re going to totally disrespect the tone and the point of the original you might as well do so in the most crazy way possible.

    I think in some ways it can be seen more of a sequel to the second TCM than the first. Meaning, it’s more of a comedy than anything else.

    The two Platinum Dune ones just totally miss the entire point of TCM and are just loud, boring, and pedestrian.

  643. Jareth Cutestory

    July 6th, 2011 at 9:32 am

    He is the “more cowbell” that everyone is always asking for.

  644. Jareth Cutestory

    July 6th, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Way to step on the continuity of my stupid joke with your thoughtful film analysis, Casey.

  645. I apologize, Jareth, but your jokes were more thoughtful and interesting than anything I had to say. I’m just being totally pedantic about a really bad movie that I think has some redeeming qualities.

  646. Jareth Cutestory

    July 6th, 2011 at 10:24 am

    That we can all be “totally pedantic about a really bad movie” is what I like best about this site. That and the horsefuckers.

  647. Grim Grinning Chris

    July 6th, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Yeah, it is me, Vern.
    Looks like if I go it will be the last weekend of the month.
    My roommate and I have a friend that is a make-up artist (she does beauty mainly but also some light effects makeup… mostly on pictures being shot in and around New Orleans- of which there are fucking tons now- I’ve never looked it up, but the number of movies shot there post-Katrina is just nuts, maybe some tax breaks to try and get some money flowing into the city/state?).
    Though the set visit to Abraham Lincoln: VH was due to another friend of ours who is a steadi-cam operator out of L.A. and is in the New Orleans area a lot as well.

    This is like the 5th invite this year between the two of them, and I kinda feel like “now or never” with my work schedule- and since I’ve never been on a real movie set, especially not a real horror movie set, I think it’d be a hoot… but then part of me wants to hold out for something better, just in case I am only able to make it over there once this year.

  648. I appreciate how mean TCM:Redux was. It was a really, really gnarly film and quite well directed. It wasn’t good at all, but it was much more hardcore than almost any American horror film I’ve seen from a studio in recent memory, if not ever. How that film has an R-rating is baffling to me.

    TCM:Predux is significantly less good, but it’s sound on a structural level. The bits with R. Lee Ermey are interesting and the draft dodging angle is kinda cool.

    I’m not a big TCM fan, honestly. I love the shit out of TCSM:P2 and think it’s one of the best horror comedies ever, but none of the others grabbed me in any way. Frankly, I kinda wanted Leatherface to just kill the final girl in the original because she annoyed me so much.

  649. TCM remake was ho hum. I remember seeing it and just going “wow they totally didn’t get the movie they remade at all”. It was kinda boring in it’s tedious lets make a bad version of a FRIDAY movie type way. Nice cakes on Jessica Biel though about the only thing I could remember after all these years.

  650. FRIDAY as in ending with THE 13TH not in the sense of classic Ice Cube and Chris Tucker comedy.

  651. They were warned. They are doomed. And on Friday the 13th, they ain’t got shit to do.

  652. Yeah, I actually just meant keep an eye on the movie, maybe give them some insinuating looks so they know not to fuck it up.

    I’m actually keeping an open mind for now. If it was in the tradition of part 2 at all then 3D could be a good idea, and hiring Moseley is a sign that they have at least a small understanding of what makes the movies good. The plot summary I read (which may or may not have changed) could go either way. Actually it kind of sounded like they were influenced by THE DEVIL’S REJECTS.

    Wait a minute, are you telling me they’re filming it in New Orleans? That seems a little nuts. I could’ve sworn those movies took place somewhere else. Yes, there are tax incentives to shoot in New Orleans, that’s why so many movies of the last few years take place there. In fact, it’s why we have the beloved phrase “Port of Call New Orleans.”

    For a while Michigan had that too, that’s why GRAN TORINO takes place there, but I read that they don’t have those anymore.

    I wish Seattle would do that. We are also a port of call. Val Kilmer’s character could move here and have a BAD PRIVATE DETECTIVE spinoff.

  653. When I see the words Val Kilmer and private detective anywhere near each other it reminds me how badly the world needs a Gay Perry movie. Shit they could even movie him to New Orleans.

  654. Grim Grinning Chris

    July 7th, 2011 at 11:04 am

    They are shooting in Shreveport. I do not know what percentage of the shooting is being done there, but I know that they are supposed to be there for 4-6 weeks.

  655. @Mouth: Photos and videos will come next week. I’m unfortunately (?) here for work and Im not fully equipped for uploading of those right now.

  656. Sorry to butt in on the conversation, but holy shit, have you guys been watching the second season of Idris Elba’s Luther?? The last two episodes were so good it made me ill. I was always a fan of the guy on the Wire, but good God he’s so good here. The first season was good, especially the last four eps, but this one is just so far above it. I’m really bummed out that Taratino chose Foxx over him for Django. The dude deserves to be a movie star.

    Okay, I’m done. Sorry for gushing. Please watch Luther, thanks.

  657. How dare you comment on a random topic in this thread, anthony, you little punk.

    Also, I watched MIDNIGHT IN PARIS again today. Loved it again. As a film, it’s no more intellectually valid or much more intellectually provocative than, say, FAST 5, but, as with probably the 2nd best 2011 movie so far, if you accept it on its own terms, you will be highly rewarded. Instead of badass automobile violence, the payoff is literary dialogue & art criticism zingers, and the payoffs in both movies are equally perfectly delivered within narratives that are barely more than a veneer of contrived fantasy. They both have made me laugh & gasp equally.

    The best part of MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (not the porn movie with the Hilton chick, by the way, just to clarify in case you’re a not-up-to-date perv reading this) is indescribably badass, though he’s only in the movie for a few minutes altogether. I’ll never write or produce anything as awesome as Woody Allen’s version of Ernest Hemingway, the best movie character of the year, and one of my favorites ever, and I’m not just saying that because my advisor in my alma mater’s English Department is a Hemingway nut. (I hope Dr. C approves.)

    It’s a well written, hilarious character, and Corey Stoll, who doesn’t appear to have any major memorable roles in his resume to this point, would be my choice for every acting award I could give.

  658. Maybe Guillermo Del Toro’s giant monster movie PACIFIC RIM will turn Idris Elba into a movie star. Supposedly the role was once meant for Tom Cruise.

    By the way, does anybody know how to pronounce Idris Elba’s name? Is it just idd-riss ell-buh?

  659. That is indeed correct, Vern.

  660. Stringer Bell vs. Monsters? Count me in.

    Mouth: I bet the original Midnight in Paris woulda been way better if Woody Allen had directed it. I bet he wouldn’t have used that stupid night vision cam either.

  661. well guys, I have returned from my trip to visit family in North Carolina and I have survived, no Deadites, no flesh eating viruses and no killer rednecks

    unfortunately it was kind of a bust, Murphy’s law had it out for me and everything I wanted to do did not turn out like I had hoped (for example, not being able to get fireworks for the 4th) and I got in a small fight with my uncle over stupid bullshit (which would not have happened if I hadn’t drank a few hard lemonades beforehand),

    boredom was another factor, there was no internet at the cabin and a shitty selection of channels on the tv (and the dvd player didn’t even work), all I could really do to pass the extra time was read a book on the Amazon Kindle, which wasn’t so bad but I finished it quickly

    maybe my expectations were just too high, but it’s the first vacation I think I’ve ever took where instead of being sad that it was over I’m happy to be home and maybe making me appreciate home with all my video games and stuff is a good thing, maybe I needed a wakeup call

    well a change of scenery for a while is always nice, but I had a hell of a lot more fun visiting Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure last year

    on a side note, has anyone here heard of the band Say Anything? my cousin is dating one of the members of that band (I saw them again during the vacation), his name is Jeff Turner and he is such a cool and nice guy, plus me and him are like two peas in a pod, he’s the closest thing to a celebrity I’ve ever met

  662. So, someone tell me something even mildly hopeful about John Carpenter’s new one, THE WARD? Anyone?

    I didn’t want to spoil the 666 posts here, but if I gotta do 667 I think this is a suitable topic.

  663. Sorry Subtlety, THE WARD is dogshit.

  664. Even if it’s dogshit, it’s still Carpenter and I will support him. It’s a shame that I have heard literally nothing good about THE WARD, so I’m not feeling too much excitement, but the man has earned my time and money, and more importantly my undying loyalty. Even if he gets back into film making full-time and spends the next 20 years making shitty movies, I will keep paying to see them.

  665. sorry but I think Carpenter has joined the ranks of John Landis and Joe Dante as once great directors who have lost their mojo

    not coincidentally they all directed episodes of the underrated Masters of Horror tv show, Landis’ and Carpenter’s episodes were actually really good though, while Joe Dante’s episodes were hilariously awful

  666. The trailer for the Ward looked really promising. I hadn’t heard anything though.
    Didn’t In the Mouth of Madness get really bad review? Yet I love that movie. It gets better every time I watch it.
    I’d like a vern review of Prince of Darkness, btw. Hell, I’d settle for a good dissection of that movie by someone else too. I always thought it had alot to say, whether it’s entirely successful or not…

  667. In The Mouth of Madness is pretty good, but with such an excellent premise (a Stephen King esque horror writer getting his ideas from Lovecraftian old ones and they come true? brilliant!) it should be a classic, that’s actually a movie I would be okay with it getting remade one day

    but despite that, In The Mouth of Madness is Carpenter’s last good movie, Coming To America is John Landis’ last good movie and Matinee is Joe Dante’s last good movie

  668. I considered watching THE WARD before it’s release. I always hold onto some hope when it comes to JC even if VAMPIRE$ was the last one I dug and everybody else pretty much hated it.

    It’s a shame to see how bad Carpenter fell off considering how monumental & influential a lot of his classics were to many of us growing up but I always think in the back of my mind that one day he’ll get his groove back.

    However I heard the consensus in here so far (it sucked) parroted by many others who’s opinion on film I really tend to trust. This even includes some post-GHOST OF MARS Carpenter apologists. So in the end I just can’t help but remain wary of THE WARD.

    As much as I love Amber Heard (lots!) and as much as I did admire Carpenter once upon a time I’m afraid of even catching the matinee based on the negative feedback. I’ll wait for it to hit video to avoid being burned at the box office this weekend. I guess I’ll just watch TREE OF LIFE again or catch that new Jason Bateman and Charlie Day movie.

  669. The difference now, I think, between the reception for THE WARD and the reception for some of the older Carpenter movies that got bad reviews despite being awesome movies is that Carpenter has now achieved the status of beloved elder statesman. His filmography has been reconsidered by a younger, more admiring generation, he’s been retroactively granted his rightful status as a master… but even people who love Carpenter are saying the new one sucks. Oh well.

  670. Sorry again guys, keep lowering those expectations. I’m a huge Carpenter fan, have been since childhood, HALLOWEEN and THE THING are among my all time favorites, bla bla bla. I will even defend most of his 90s output (not GHOSTS OF MARS though), and I was hopeful after MASTERS OF HORROR (especially CIGARETTE BURNS) that he was getting his mojo back, and all he needed was a bigger budget and more than a week to shoot. But THE WARD still fails even if I’m giving the guy a break. It’s even sloppy in the purely technical areas where Carpenter used to excel. It looks as cheap, maybe cheaper, than those MOH episodes. I could overlook that if the story was any good, but it’s a tired old rehash with a totally predictable but still groan-inducing final twist.

  671. I don’t know if I could agree about those being their last good ones Griff. As I said I really dug VAMPIRE$. Different from it’s source sure but it’s still a nice pulpy western with a kick ass James Woods performance. I also have a fondness for AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON; it has a lot of that trademark Landis quirk that is found in his better films and that makes it a charming watch. Been years since I revisited that one though.

    Funny you mention Dante cause I just watched LOONEY TUNES: BACK IN ACTION recently and it was actually pretty alright. It actually FELT like a LOONEY TUNES story; unlike lame ass SPACE JAM a lot of the classic tropes from the cartoons were faithfully re used by Mr. Dante with lots of conviction.

    I actually feel that movie is pretty underrated when it comes to mentioning quality features within the “live action/toon” subgenre. Sure it’s no ROGER RABBIT but it’s miles ahead of the likes of COOL WORLD and the aforementioned SPACE JAM when it comes to genuine entertainment. It’s guaranteed to cheer up that kid inside you that spent saturday mornings watching THE BUGS BUNNY SHOW at least once.

  672. Gwai the moment someone told me “SUCKER PUNCH pulled off the premise far more convincingly than THE WARD did” I considered it a monumental red flag. I trust your word on it; cause well SUCKER PUNCH despite having great eye candy was far too vague and disconnected to pull of it’s premise properly (at least the theatrical cut). If Snyder’s “blonde girl trapped in an institution” movie is considered more layered and interesting than the latest by a legend like Carpenter then something is off there IMO.

  673. I hated SUCKER PUNCH, but at least I could tell it was made by someone who is young, enthusiastic and full of ideas. THE WARD just feels like it was made my someone who is old, tired and out of inspiration.

    The subject matter is very similar, but stylistically the films couldn’t be more different. SUCKER PUNCH looks like a juiced up video game and THE WARD looks like it was shot for the Home and Garden network.

  674. Actually Griff checking the dates even though I saw AMAZON after COMING TO AMERICA (which I DID see on VHS back in ’88) AMAZON actually came out before it. So I take that back and say you may be right there even though I think OSCAR was an ok movie and the only decent comedy starring Sly.

  675. I think Looney Tunes: Back in Action is wonderful, exactly like a Looney Tunes movie should be. Perfect fourth wall breaking meta moments and wink wink cameos. Brendan totally makes you believe he’s interacting with cartoons. That’s why I have hope for Furry Vengenace.

  676. Broddie, I absolutely love AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON (as well as Kentucky Fried Movie), but that did indeed come before Coming To America

    also from what I remember of Looney Tunes: Back in Action, it was a lame Who Framed Roger Rabbit rehash, just because it was not as bad as Space Jam does not make it a good movie

    anyway Broddie, you have inspired me to go off topic and talk about how much I love the comedies of the 70 and 80’s, it’s my favorite style of comedy

    over the top, anarchistic and (with rare exception) filled with copious female nudity, by comparison these modern day “Judd Apatow style” comedies that think simply being foul mouthed is inherently hilarious and if they ever show nudity it’s usually a naked man for “hilarious” effect are not my style (although Pineapple Express was ok)

    my favorite comedies of the last couple of years would have to be Hot Tub Time Machine (for having a little female nudity and the pretty brilliant premise of modern day Judd Apatow esque characters visiting the teen movie past of the 80’s) and Tropic Thunder for it’s 90’s style over the top satire of Hollywood

  677. also Ghostbusters is one of the few comedies from that era that manages to be kid friendly as well as hilarious

    part of me though can’t help but imagine what an R rated Ghostbusters would have been like, there is a storyboard of a never filmed seen of an unseen ghost ripping women’s clothes off, that would have been nice to see

  678. one last off topic post, I forgot to mention that mother fucking JURASSIC PARK is FINALLY coming to blu ray! this is literally a dream come true

    I’m so happy I’m now going to quote Jeff Goldblum

    “I’ll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you’re using here: it didn’t require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility… for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now *BOOM* you’re selling *BOOM* you’re selling it”

  679. I saw THE WARD.

    It’s not a horrible film per see. But its so boring and by the numbers that it plays better as a TV episode of that “Fear Itself” Series that got cancelled last year.

    Seriously, anyone who’s savvy to movies in the horror genre will pick up the “twist” in THE WARD immediately. Amber Heard is still incredibly feisty and hot though.

    All said and done, I am still a great fan of John Carpenter. He’s given us way too many quality films for us not to feel affection.

  680. I couldn’t stand TROPIC THUNDER. Which is very bizarre since I actually love Ben Stiller’s shit when it’s extremely irreverent. ZOOLANDER and DODGEBALL to me are idiot comedy classics that I will cherish till the day I die. DODGEBALL cause he basically reminded me of HEAVYWEIGHTS.

    That was a movie I watched a lot as a youngin just cause he played his famous arrogant exercise trainer villain. Despite the rest of the movie sucking ass those whiny fat asses deserved that miserable trainer IMO so I always did go back to that one. ZOOLANDER because it’s filled with too much great random quotes.

    So I was initially hyped for TROPIC THUNDER but in the end it felt extremely forced. Tom Cruise and Jack Black’s overacting were two of the worst things I’ve ever seen in terms of attempt at humor. Just horrendous shit to sit through all around. Even RDJ and Stiller were wack to me but not as bad as the other guys cause at least they tried their best to naturally sell irreverence and not seem forced like Cruise and Black. The only thing I remembered liking was that little boy being thrown over a bridge at some point but by then it was just too little too late. That and Nick Nolte.

    I do think the 70’s and 80’s were the prime of American comedy hell comedy in cinema in general but for the sake of convo let’s leave it at American for now. We not only have the likes of ANNIE HALL, MASH, BLAZING SADDLES & ANIMAL HOUSE but they occupy the same space as BLUES BROTHERS, THIS IS SPINAL TAP, BEVERLY HILLS COP, PORKY’S, NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION, FLETCH, BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, TRADING PLACES and yes I dare say it and will stand behind it if questioned; the original POLICE ACADEMY. It was a magical time for comedy cause it created lots of timeless jokes that still hit hard no matter how often you’ve seen them.

    I think a key reason was cause not all the times but many of the times back then the comedy talent was ACTUAL comedy talent. People who will genuinely sell the most ridiculous and stupid premises ever with sincere & charming comedy.

    Whether in front of the screen or behind the scenes. It was writers, directors and actors that all had comedy driven backgrounds. From Second City vets to being former National Lampoon writers or coming from other comedy circuits these people are all over a lot of these features.

    Even all the way into the 90’s with the Farrelly’s three point masterpiece theater showcase of DUMB & DUMBER, KINGPIN and THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. Murray’s QUICK CHANGE. Those were the days back when Adam Sandler didn’t give a fuck about selling out and made man child classics like BILLY MADISON and HAPPY GILMORE and Farley was still alive.

    Those movies succeed because the comedians are genuine comedians first and actors second. When that is not the case then it’s the writers and director that completely understand why comedy is amazing and how to make it function tremendously. Which is when they actually make you laugh at things done by Elliot FUCKING Gould cause they do it so damn well.

    They have the respect for comedy necessary to pull it off with genuine heart. That attitude in them inspires people like Carl Weathers and Jeff Daniels to be hilarious as fuck in turn. Genuine comedians also well they understand importance of delivery. I mean I fucking die like mad everytime I hear Joe Flaherty yell out “Jackass!” cause of the delivery. Nothing seems artificial when this element is around even in the most juvenile of comedies.

    I’m not big on Apatow. Never have been. To me he’s flat out overrated. Only things he’s associated with that I’ve enjoyed were SUPERBAD, CABLE GUY, FREAKS & GEEKS and ANCHORMAN & if he was involved with STEP BROTHERS then that too. That’s. About. It.

    No offense to the Apatow fans but I considered FREAKS & GEEKS more of a dramedy akin to THE WONDER YEARS. I liked it but it didn’t really seem full blown comedy. Nothing told me the talent involved there could really make something that makes me laugh as hard as I think the writers and the onscreen talent both were likeable and all but I was never going “ha ha ha” watching that show.

    So to see these people making R-rated comedies now has been somewhat disheartening. I find their movies filled with too many false moments that make them seem pretentious at times.

    The shift in tone for the comedy genre happened with Apatow. You had these more sensitive and empathic types dealing with comedies as well. So now to balance dick and fart jokes you need genuine heartfelt moments too.

    Not that there is anything wrong with comedy that has heart cause we all know GROUNDHOG DAY is a masterpiece. But it’s also a masterpiece because it has no pretenses in it’s execution. Ramis and Murray are both unapologetic throughout it and even though it’s a new view into their collaboration it still very much has that STRIPES, GHOSTBUSTERS and CADDYSHACK “feel”. You know it comes from people who have that level of understanding of comedy.

    It never tries to apologize and try to convince you that it’s more than it’s supposed to be like the Apatow resume does. They force contrived drama all throughout that greatly drags the films and makes you facepalm since it’s such a drastic contrast from the humor at points.

    This is why I actually enjoyed BORAT, the original THE HANGOVER and despite all it’s shitty time travel & pop culture logic the movie HOT TUB TIME MACHINE as well. Movies that remembered to you know just be fucking funny for a couple of hours without having to have what I call “cancer patient introduction moments”. The points where the films are begging for sympathy and for people to think you’re deep and dramatic too. A lot of Apatow’s shit does that. But the existence of movies like HOT TUB TIME MACHINE & massive success of HANGOVER REHASHED this summer makes me think there is still hope out there for comedy to regain it’s real footing.

    This is also one of the reasons I want to see HORRIBLE BOSSES cause it looks like something trying for that and not the “oh but I’m a sympathetic character with feelings too” crap that stops the Apatow joints from reaching their true potential in my eyes.

    GHOSTBUSTERS was the apex for me though. It’s what got me into comedy in the first place. Being an early80’s babies I grew up watching REAL GHOSTBUSTERS. Because of that show I rented the movie one day back in the late 80’s. It blew me away as a child in many ways but two reasons above all were

    1) It confirmed for me that it’s ok to casually sip liquor from a flask in a public place if you’re a witty adult.

    2) The effects at that time were still top notch and knocked my socks off at points even genuinely scared me (the dogs chasing Lewis) so it really worked as horror too.

    3) Winston’s “if there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.” is STILL the most genuinely believable quote I’ve ever heard in any movie and I’m sure I’ve seen at least over a thousand movies by now so that speaks volumes. There’s more realism in that quote than in a Nolan Batman movie.

    I’m a bit of a sarcastic jackass in my life mainly because of fucking Venkman well him and Axel Foley. As I grew older & rewatched GHOSTBUSTERS the movie grew up with me with every view. Year after year with every watch I found a new joke as I kept maturing. This went on till I was like 14. The more I saw it the more I became a fan of Murray and Ramis for life. The more I gave a lot of things with Aykroyd at least one shot despite his inconsistency. The more movies featuring Ernie Hudson I began to watch.

    BACK TO THE FUTURE is definitely my favorite comedy of all time hell it’s probably my favorite overall movie when I think of it. But I’d be a liar if I said that GHOSTBUSTERS wasn’t a close second. I am so sorry for the long ass post guys. Shit seems like THE BIBLE ABRIDGED in retrospect but I just get too geeky whenever 70’s and 80’s comedy are mentioned. Especially considering the state of modern comedy today.

  681. Hey, is anyone going to the Comic Strip Con? I’d love to meet up.

  682. ThomasCrown442

    July 8th, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Ben Stiller in Heavyweights = Best role of Ben Stiller’s career. Seriously.

  683. “Beds give me nightmares.”

    Broddie’s sorta right about Tom Cruise & Jack Black, but TROPIC THUNDER is hilarious & uniquely fulfilling as a comedy. I don’t know how you can not laugh at Nick Nolte & that line. Your opinions are wrong and scary to me.

    I didn’t care for most of SUPERBAD, and I can’t stand grossout “comedy” ( good piece:–> http://www.theawl.com/2011/07/in-defense-of-prudes ) or material that relies on guys being outrageously stupidly buffoonish/manly, but I sorta like what Apatow & his crew are trying to do with the whole surprisingly sensitive, sympathetic character angle (like the scene in FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL where the guy is singing about needing therapy at the piano).

    Apatow didn’t force everyone to make him the #1 comedy “brand” guy. He’s just a writer doing his thing, and it happened that a bunch of people bought it. Some people hold his success against him, but I don’t because I don’t think he defines modern comedy, as his detractors seem to fear. He better not be definitive for our current times; I’m avoiding BRIDESMAIDS because it sounds terrible because it apparently features a lot of bodily fluid material. Unacceptable. Makes me miss good ’80s humor.

  684. to be fair the only Apatow directed movie I’ve seen is Funny People and I hated it, I’ve probably talked about this before but what ruins the movie is you’re supposed to feel sympathetic for Sandler’s character despite the movie intentionally flaunting his wealth as a big fuck you

    outside of that I think the only Apatow related movie I’ve seen is Pineapple Express, which was certainly funny, but I was disappointed how the trailer made it seem like a different movie (the trailer led you to believe that the entire police force was after them instead of just one corrupt cop), I enjoyed it in the theater but it’s probably not a movie I’ll re-watch anytime soon

    still 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, none of those movies seem appealing to me

    but yeah Broddie, I like my comedies to be larger than life

    also I’m sure I’ve talked about this before too, but what’s the deal with female nudity almost completely disappearing from comedies? I don’t really buy the excuse that it’s because of internet pornography, I mean it’s not like porn didn’t exist before the internet

    it just seems weird that movies like The Hangover (which was directed by Todd Phillips, who gave us the intentionally gratuitous shower room scene in Road Trip) seem to intentionally avoid having any decent nudity despite perfect opportunities for it, the last comedy that had a creative nude scene in it that I saw was the Harold and Kumar sequel with the bottomless pool party

  685. ThomasCrown442

    July 8th, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Don’t forget the lovely Malin Akerman in the first Harold and Kumar as Freakshow’s wife. A scene thats funny and has a hot naked chick in it. Its very tough to balance comedy and nudity and have it not come off as a cheap excuse to get tits in the movie. This scene manages though. Actually, the whole movie combines swearing, nudity, and gross out humor pretty darn effectively if you ask me.

  686. ThomasCrown442 – the best nude scenes in comedies are the ones that manage to be funny as well as titillating

    the shower scene in Porky’s has peewee not being able to see the girls because the of the fat girl’s ass

    Bluto spying on the sorority sisters in Animal House has him not only falling backwards, but somehow moving the ladder and banging it against the side of the house without any of the girls noticing (or maybe they didn’t care?)

    Amazon Women On The Moon has Monique Gabrielle walking around in public nude (including in Church) and no one paying attention and Kentucky Fried Movie has Catholic High School Girls In Trouble, which is probably one of the best examples of something being both sexy and hilarious at the same time

  687. Dang, Griff, that’s like the third post today about female nudity. I’ve got some Playboys around here somewhere you can borrow ;)

    Only kidding of course.

  688. I’m with you on Tropic Thunder, Broddie. I think it’s better than you paint it but it is really broad. I love the premise and think it has some great moments (“I’m a lead farmer, motherfucker!”) but I think it mostly falls flat. Zoolander is amazing and I think Dodge Ball has a lot going for it.

    I like Apatow. I think Freaks and Geeks is solid and Undeclared was fun. I met Seth Rogen and others for Undeclared because they were doing a university tour. We looked freakishly alike then and I get random people yelling “Hey Superbad!” at me on occasion. Even still, I liked 40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad, and Knocked Up. I also really loved Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

    I’m more of a Will Ferrell guy, though. Anchorman is the comedy of the last ten years and I think Talledaga Nights, Step Brothers, and even The Other Guys are very funny. Man, the part of The Other Guys where Will Ferrell is talking about how he will lead a school of giant tuna who get a taste for lion flesh makes me laugh just thinking about it.

    I also like The Hangover and its sequel as well as Borat. Even smaller films like Role Models make me laugh. I have also come to appreciate smaller dramady type movies like The Promotion (seriously underrated and should have been bigger) and World’s Greatest Dad.

    I’m a pretty easy guy to please. I think Tim and Eric are the funniest guys and won’t miss a chance to see them live.

  689. anthony4545 – hey what can I say, I’m obsessed with female nudity and not ashamed to admit it

    while we’re on the subject, what’s your favorite nude scenes? the one is Porky’s is a classic, but my favorite of all time is without a doubt Belushi spying on the sorority sisters in Animal House

    my grandpa once got busted for doing something similar in college in the 1960’s, I shit you not, so I guess it runs in the family

  690. Heavyweights is an excellent film. Shocking and definitely great character work.

    Griff, I think you’re actually NOT supposed to sympathize with Sandler in Funny People. The point is he’s still an asshole. The Hollywood version would be to have him learn his lesson, but the Apatow version is no, he’s still just an asshole.

    Favorite nude scene – Re-Animator.

  691. In American cinema, I believe Kazan’s SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS gets honors for first major mainstream star nudity, but it’s sadly fleeting.

    The PIRANHA 3D underwater nude scene is spectacular as well as musically outstanding.

    The ending shot & credits for BODY DOUBLE is a special moment in nudity filmatism.

    For good art house nudity, you might enjoy WALKABOUT, the 1971 Australian film starring a delicious Jenny Agutter.

    Worst nude scenes: Julianne Moore in SHORT CUTS; oldladywhosetittiesIdon’twanttoremember in ABOUT SCHMIDT; surgery in ENTER THE VOID

  692. yes WALKABOUT is good, oh how I wish I could skinny dip with a young Jenny Agutter

  693. Have anybody seen Joe Dantes The Hole? I read it should be really good and a return to his family-horror style of the eighties.

  694. 1. I can’t believe there’s gonna be a movie with Ray Stevenson, The Rock, RZA and the guy from I SAW THE DEVIL all in it. Also I can’t believe that movie is GI JOE 2.

    2. If any of you are going to the Comics Convention of San Diego please consider attending the HAYWIRE deal and reporting back to us. Also I think Fred Topel wants to meet up with you

    3. this is a numbered list

  695. holy shit, I could have swore Comic Con already happened this year, maybe I just confused it with E3 or maybe I can’t believe it’s already that time again

  696. The wife and I have talked about going to Comic Con but everything I hear is that it is huge and totally packed. It sounds like fun but I think I would end up having an awful time fighting through crowds and otherwise being surrounded all the time.

    But, man, Ray Stevenson AND the RZA? Count me in. Doubly so if they have that awesomely sexy brunette in glasses again.

  697. I. Channing Tatum should return in G.I. JOE 2 and he should dance.

    II. Comic Con is nerd shit.

    III. Roman > Arabic.

  698. 3. Tatum is returning.

    2. It’s from the director of STEP UP 3D and the Bieber movie so I’m sure he’d probably be singing or breakdancing at some point. Maybe even in 3D?!?

    1. If counting down is good enough for NASA; then it’s good enough for me.

  699. Shit man, It’s Saturday night, I’m on Ibiza and got no idea what to do.
    1) My feet hurt like shit from the stupid sandals that I have to wear for the TV show that I’m shooting

    2) I don’t have enough money to go to a club (Because they are REALLY overpriced!)

    3) I’m aparrently the only one in my crew who appreciates electronic dance music anyway, so I would have to go alone

    4) Tonight no DJ who I care for seems to play anyway (If I have to pay 70 bucks to get into a club, I don’t wanna listen to any DJ. It must be a great one. Last night three of my favourites played in the same club, but I couldn’t attend because of my working schedule. That sucks, man.)

    5) At least I gotta admit that sitting on a balcony at night, right next to the beach, is pretty awesome.

  700. Great, now I’m going to have to see Heavyweights because of you guys. Considering how much I love Good Burger, it’s kind of weird I haven’t seen it already.

    And in other news I just saw “Balance of Power” on Netflix Instant. Otherwise known as the movie featuring the youtube clip of Billy Blanks trapped in the sauna, going “No! No! No!” over and over again. It was ok – some decent fights, some clumsy ones, a few good training montages. It seems made for kids but then there’s some really over-the-top gore. As much as I like Blanks, he’s not a very natural actor and I’m glad he found his true calling as an instructor. He’s an excellent and charismatic teacher in his videos. I feel like Seagal should actually take a page from his book since his heart hasn’t really been in a performance since Into the Sun if you ask me.

  701. Wait, Good Burger is good too? Man, that was playing when I worked at a movie theater in college and I took a bunch of posters to put up in my college apartment as a joke. Never actually saw it though.

  702. being a big Nickelodeon kid I saw Good Burger in theaters

    I remember almost nothing at all about it, it’s maybe not a terrible movie (although the Nostalgia Critic disagrees), but it’s certainly very forgettable, still it warms my heart to think that Keenan and Kel once stared in a movie

    Heavyweights is worth watching but keep in mind that Ben Stiller is by far the best thing about it, the rest is a pretty average mid 90’s kids movie

    it’s nice though to see a movie where fat kids are the heroes instead of the butt of jokes, it’s also nice to see a movie that makes fun of exercise nuts as the annoying egomaniacs they are

  703. Fred – Good Burger is seriously in my top 5 favorite movies. I know people joke alot about a “Criterion Collection Edition of Good Burger” but I would buy that shit up in a second. (And yes, I actually bought a double-sided poster of it, probably just like the ones you have!) It has a real sweetness and innocence to it, but it’s also freaking hilarious. It definitely owes more than a bit to “The Jerk” but I actually think it’s funnier and more quotable. Plus this might have been the first interracial romance in a kids’ movie. That’s pretty darn progressive if you ask me. (I always tell my hipster friends that this movie was the best thing Linda Cardellini was ever involved in, and watch them get enraged). And you know this movie is good because it played at the $1.50 theatre here for like SIX MONTHS, which is always a sign of a crowdpleaser around these parts.

    On another note, it’s kind of weird that Kenan went on to be in a lot of stuff like Heavyweights and eventually on SNL, because he’s the straight man and doesn’t really get any of the funny lines in the movie. The fact that Kel gives a balls-out, all-in, 100% committed tour de force, that seriously ranks with the best comedic performances of all time, but didn’t get many roles after, boggles my mind. And yes, I know how stupid I sound right now and every ounce of credibility I just had was lost, but hey, the fact I can say stuff like this here is why I love this site.

  704. hey it’s ok neal2zod, I can totally get behind love for Keenan and Kel

    it’s too bad Kel never had a post Nick career

  705. Neal2Zod, I am sold. Always glad to hear a kids movie strove for excellence. I was so quick to dismiss it too. See how the universe leads me to this forum 15 years later to find out I need to give Good Burger a chance?

    I’ve seen Heavyweights. Taped it as a kid and was so surprised how good it was it went into my rotation of movies I watched over and over.

  706. You gotta love a kids movie that has the balls to put Robert Wuhl, Abe Vigoda, Shaq, and Carmen Electra in it for no good reason. Good Burger is one of those movies I can’t say is a legitimately good movie but I’ve seen it a bunch of times. I’ve got the Immature song from the soundtrack on my computer somewhere.

  707. Heavyweights is pretty damned funny. My brothers and I quote it quite often.

    “Who’s going to own up to this treasure trove? Oh look! A deli meat.”
    I also say, “Do it to it Lars,” at least once a day in normal conversation.

    Then of course there’s this scene… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPTRHgLKaBk


  709. I’m back home, btw.

    Here is a picture of the seriously awesome pinball machine, that my Hotel on Ibiza had.


  710. I once saw a MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN Pinball machine on holiday once.

    CM Punk did it again
    Kudos to WWE for doing this whole story and letting Punk bring up all the things they’d otherwise not really like to acknowledge.

  711. Sublime has a new album? Didn’t dude die like 17 years ago? Well, wherever this music came from, it’s not bad at all.

    I’m still not sick of the R. Kelly section of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Notz8C_NxYw
    Air Force guys here seem to be with me on this, but my Army colleagues are resistant to its charms. So, that proves yet again that Air Force is the class of the armed services, while the Army is mostly a bunch of tasteless troglodytes.

  712. holy shit, a The Shadow pinball machine? awesome

    whatever happened to pinball machines based on movies anyway? last one I remember seeing was the American Godzilla

  713. whoa CJ, I was looking at your other pics and you got some long ass hair son

  714. I see your Shadow Pinball Machine and raise you…a MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN one:

  715. Yeah, my last real haircut was in 1998. Right now it would go down to my feet, but I decided one or two years ago to keep it at ass-length, because when it was already reaching my knees I had trouble with turning around in bed at night.
    I got good and very thick hair, so I can wear it that long. It’s also a great conversation starter, because I get compliments from strangers almost once a week. Of course there are still lots of people who hate this hairstyle and I got no idea why nobody would care if I would shave my head or dye my hair pink, but long hair is such an issue, but whatever. The Dude abides.
    One day, when I’m sick of wearing it that way, I will sell it to a wigmaker and try to go bald for a while. Although since I know that I always looked better with long(er) hair, I might let it grow back to shoulder length.

  716. Grim Grinning Chris

    July 13th, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    The Pirates of the Caribbean pinball is actually a pretty sweet table with some good action.

    The Addams Family, Indiana Jones and Phantom Menace tables were also top notch pinball.

    My favorite pinball of all time, for gameplay and table-action alone… also happens to be based on a property/branding that I loathe unfortunately…

  717. The Phantom Menace pinball was standing right next to the Shadow one (you can see a part of it on the photo), but I found the Shadow one cooler. Just because it blew my mind that I saw a pinball machine of a nearly forgotten Box Office bomb from 17 years ago in Ibiza.

  718. I personally can’t stand long hair, I just find it too uncomfortable, so I cut it pretty short, it’s not a really a style thing

    plus my gets greasy so quickly that I would be a walking BP oil spill after just two days

  719. I really liked the Star Trek TNG pinball game. Captain Picard’s soothing voice made losing balls a lot more bearable.

    As for hair, I get the ridiculous redheaded Jewfro action going. A few years ago I had 14″ curls exploding out of my head like I was some long forgotten member of the Globetrotters. As a joke I would sometimes carry my cell phone in my hair and pull it out when I got a call.

  720. Dude, visit my Facebook page. I’m playing a Last Action Hero pinball. The Addams Family and Hook pinballs were actually good games too.

  721. so guys I just watched the Tintin trailer in 1080p

    and wow, I was blown away, I thought it looked great

  722. I watched MACHETE again yesterday, and I learned something I didn’t know through the power of the pause button. Did you guys notice that when they show his file it lists Navajas and Cuchillo as known aliases? This means that the knife thrower in DESPERADO and his character in PREDATORS are both actually Machete. So we know how Machete dies. Two different times.

    Also his birth name is “Machete Cortez.”

  723. So…he IS the Machete from Spy Kids?

  724. Rodriguez will surely address this alternate universe quandary in MACHETE KILLS and MACHETE KILLS AGAIN, which I guess will be the 4th & 5th in a series. He’s not one to ignore scientific realism & believability just for the sake of adding extra jokes.

    Now, if we get a movie that somehow features Lindsay Lohan, Machete, Seagal, *and* Predators, then I’ll take back every less-than-effusive thing I ever said about Rodriguez.

  725. I think the fact Cheech has played like half the characters in Rodriguez’s movies(and a lot of them have died) is a bigger quandry. And what about Earl McGraw? He somehow survived the end of the world due to a mutative virus outbreak, only for things to go back to normal, to allow him to transfer from being a sheriff to a Texas Ranger and get killed by Richie Gecko.

  726. That’s another thing, Earl McGraw’s son (son #1 from Kill Bill) is in a deleted scene, having sex with Jessica Alba’s character’s slutty cough syrup addicted twin sister (long story).

  727. Jareth Cutestory

    July 15th, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    I searched the phrase “cough syrup addiction” and learned that one of the side-effects (presumably unwanted) is lesions on the brain, which “normally ends in epilepsy or permanent psychosis.” Apparently, out of the ten most common drugs being abused by those in 12th grade in the US, at least seven are cough medicines obtained either over the counter or by prescription. In order to obtain a euphoric hallucination, the kids typically take 50 times the recommended dose. They call it robo-tripping. And all this time I thought it was just something SOUTH PARK made up.

    Also, the coolest pinball machine I ever saw was a SOUTH PARK machine. When the machine wasn’t being used, Cartman’s voice would periodically urge customers to play by saying, “Awe c’mon, even Kenny can afford 25 cents.” I never got tired of that.

  728. New Topic: name movies which are primarily NOT action/thrillers, especially comedies, but for some reason have a subplot or couple of scenes that clash tonally by being more of the action/thriller genre. An example would be TWINS, which is a comedy about disparate long lost brothers meeting up, bonding, going on a road trip…but has a subplot about a stolen prototype engine, the original thief of which has been killing people who’ve seen his face and is out to track the new thief one of the twins. Or the STAKEOUT movies, which is weird because they’re actually copy buddy action comedies but are 90% Dreyfuss and Estevez spying on people, making jokes and messing with each other, but have a psycho villain show up at the end and appearing in a couple of scenes throughout doing psycho stuff. I’ve got a feeling there’s more, but I’m struggling to remember specifics.

  729. It’s not a perfect answer to your question, Stu, but I’ll give it a bash:
    El secreto de sus ojos is primarily a crime-mystery movie, but it’s shot like a low-key drama/period piece with a serious focus on a love story, and out of nowhere in the middle of the movie we get this glorious scene,
    which leads to a badass chase sequence (that I can’t seem to locate online). The whole sequence is excellent, but it seems cinematographically & tonally way out of place in the movie. The movie overall is excellent, by the way.

  730. Stu: I would also say BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE (yes, I once watched that one.), which is of course a comedy about Martin Lawrence in a fat suit, but has a seriously evil villain, who even drowns a friend of his ex-wife (or something like that) in one scene in an aquarium.

  731. Mouth: Wow, that’s really impressive.

    KINDERGARTEN COP too, it’s mostly fish out of water “IT’S NOT A TUMOR!” hijinks, but I remember the guy Arnold’s after being a real nasty piece of work who sets the school on fire to kidnap his kid and it leads to a hostage situation and Arnold shooting the guy dead in front of his son.

  732. I remember being a kid and thinking the villain in Kindergarten Cop being a lot more evil and badass than the villain in Commando.

    Mr Stu, I’m not sure if this is what you were thinking of but I watched Invictus again the other day. First, I’d like to say that movie was better on the second view and I think is a really strong movie that probably isn’t as well appreciated as it should be. Or maybe I’m really vulnerable to schmaltz.

    Either way, the scene with the pilot and the 747 was played very dramatically and really ominously. I know a big part of the movie was Mandela’s personal guards and their story and looking out for threats but I don’t remember any other scene that really played up the treat as dramatically as that.

  733. Also, since this is the miscellaneous type thread I thought I would talk about Agora.

    I played basketball for a few hours today, I really need to work on my layups but I’m a monster on the three point line, and I’m at home eating some grapes and saw that Agora was on so I’m now watching it.

    It’s pretty good! Seeing all the fights between pagans and Christians and Jews and Christians is really interesting. The story of Alexandria becoming Christian as the backdrop for Rachel Weisz doing science is really interesting. The preview for it looked boring, we almost saw it at the theatre but backed out because it didn’t look that good, but the actual movie is more bloody and compelling than I had thought it would be.

    But, yeah, it’s a pretty good movie! A lot better than I expected and one that probably didn’t get on many radars.

    Side question: Rachel Weisz, being the most attractive woman in movies today, has had a lot of roles. Which role or character was her most attractive? I have to go with her character in The Constant Gardner. I also think that’s one of the most underrated movies of the last decade and she’s great in it.

  734. SHORT CIRCUIT 2 probably encapsulates what I mean the most. I mean, it’s a family/kids comedy about an intelligent robot learning to be more human, right? Some bad men try and exploit him to steal some jewels, too, but it’s not going to get THAT heavy, is it?
    Holy shit, that’s actually pretty harrowing! That’s the family robot movie equivalent of the Murphy’s death scene from ROBOCOP!

  735. AGORA made my top 5 for 2010, Casey. This guy agrees:

    I hear some say it’s not an accurate depiction of Hypatia or scientific beliefs at the time or whatever, but I was utterly enthralled by every scene.

    I’ll dominate you at basketball.

  736. I’ve not seen Agora, but I will say my favourite Weisz character is her one from ENEMY AT THE GATES. Brave, intelligent, selfless…and she gets her sweet ass out.

  737. Stu – best example of that I can think of is Exit To Eden, which is a 90’s sex comedy set on an island resort dedicated to bondage, but also has a diamond heist subplot

  738. also I’m sure you can guess why I watched that terrible movie in the first place

  739. I hope not for Rosie O’Donnel in dominatrix gear.

  740. I’m jealous of all you American citizens, who are able to watch a new episode of BREAKING BAD tonight. I hope it will arrive over here very soon.

  741. You should be, Mr Holden. Breaking Bad is easily the best television show on right now.

    I really can’t wait.

  742. I agree. (The first three seasons were already shown here.) That’s why I’m so jealous.

  743. I’m interested to see if Jesse killed Gale. I think he did, but it’s not 100% certain.

    In one of the previews for the new season there’s a quick bit that looks like SPOILER Walt pulls a gun on Gus and shoots him.

    this season really has the potential to make Walt into a pure villain. Like, he’s been doing bad stuff but he always had a reason for it and a conscience but I think he’s just embracing his being a bad guy.

  744. I think Vince Gilligan spend the whole last year with telling everybody that the S3 ending wasn’t meant to be ambigous and Jesse definitely killed him. Unfortunately the camera movement before the shot makes it look like he moved the gun.

  745. I had read that as well so I had thought it was a definite thing.

    I read this recently, however:


    “But viewers found it so hard to believe that Paul’s sensitive, soulful character could commit cold-blooded murder—debates raged in fan forums—that Gilligan reconsidered, opening the season-four writers’ room “with a long and spirited discussion of whether we should actually have Aaron go through with it.” Paul’s performance was that powerful.”

    Don’t get me wrong, I think Jesse did it. Moreso, I think it would go against the spirit of the show if he didn’t.

    Even if he didn’t kill Gale I have a lot of faith in the show that they will do it in an interesting and compelling way.

  746. Jareth Cutestory

    July 17th, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Casey: There’s a recent interview with Bryan Cranston up on the AV Club where he confirms CJ’s point that Jesse’s gunshot wasn’t meant to be ambiguous.

    Cranston also talks about a cool sounding project that he did with Soderbergh that is coming out in the Autumn.

    And somewhere in the comments section to the article, a bunch of rapscallions propose that BREAKING BAD is a sequel to MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE, with Gus being a greatly rehabilitated Stevie. No idea how Dewey fits in.

  747. I totally understand that was the original intent, Jareth, but from the piece in Newsweek I linked to (which is pretty new) it mentions that they at least rethought the possibility of whether or not Jesse followed through.

    For what it’s worth, I thought the way they shot the scene and it played out made me think Jesse shot him and I never even thought of the possibility that he didn’t until I read people mention it online.

    I think he did. I’d bet money that he did. I just don’t KNOW for sure that he did.

  748. So, I was looking for that interview on AV Club and stumbled on this:


    Look, I love The Wire. I think it portrays so much about America that is never addressed. I think it is Important Television and is meaningful. I have been pretty outspoken about my politics and a lot of my politics are defined by things like The Wire. Granted, The Wire feels, in a lot of ways, like my experiences in rural Maine and rural Kentucky minus the elements dealing with race. I think poverty, and its symptoms, have become so entrenched in so many parts of our nation that it is really sickening.

    Still, when I see something like the above it just pisses me off. People who basically go to Baltimore to see how real urban poverty is because of a fucking television show disgust me. This dude doesn’t actually care about these people or the institutional racism and poverty that is all pervasive. He’s just some hipster douchebag who thought Omar was cool and wants to be a fucking tourist so he can say he understands these people.

    This just felt so ugly and exploitative to me. The comments are even worse.

  749. Casey, that AVClub pop pilgrim series started with a visit to the Nakatomi building, which seemed nice to #1 DIE HARD fan Mouth (Yes, it’s been my #1 movie since years before I knew Vern existed.), except really it was a car commercial and they didn’t even go to the damn building. They had a random DIE HARD fan, some bearded guy who actually was pretty cool & knowledgeable, come and talk about the setting of DIE HARD for a few minutes, but they never got closer than a quarter mile from bloody stain of Hans Gruber.

    Wack shit.

  750. Man, that’s almost more upsetting.

    I’m not sure which is worse: A car commercial exploiting Die Hard by proxy and teases the viewer about a building or a car commercial that features two white guys talking about film locations about a show dealing with racism and poverty.

    This is seriously why I really dislike bourgeois nerds and most liberals. The only way to get them interested in the plights of those they would rather ignore is to do so with a captivating story and when that does happen they manage to like it despite the fact that it deals with serious issues and ignore the actual subtext because Omar Little is really cool.

  751. I kinda give most Wire fans the benefit of a doubt when it comes to reading subtext, due to the polarizing structure of the show. I wasn’t aware that Omar had become the new Wolverine (funnybook version).

  752. I thought Rachel Weisz was sexy as hell in Confidence.

  753. Jareth Cutestory

    July 17th, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Casey: The AV Club’s visit to Treme was problematic for many of the reasons you cite.

    Regarding BREAKING BAD: it seems pretty clear that they’re setting up a fascinating battle of wits between Gus and Walter White on the show. I’m not sure keeping Gale around is an option.

  754. I actually think Walt will dispatch Gus sooner than later and the focus of the show will become between Jesse and Walt falling out and becoming enemies.

    That’s just my theory, though.

    Most fans of the Wire I’ve met have been pretty decent people. I knew a staunch libertarian who was a fan of The Wire and I would regularly bring up how ridiculous that was. I mean, that amount of cognitive dissonance has to really hurt.

    But, yeah, I visit Baltimore once or twice a month. I have friends there. I live in DC and I see a lot of similar neighborhoods here, but no one visits them because it was never the focus of a television show.

  755. TACTICAL FORCE (Stone Cold Steve Austin / Michael Jai White) trailer here.


  756. Good looking out, Caoimhín.

    Casey, I posted something in response to your WIRE musings on the BADASS RUNDOWN thread, but the comment is “awaiting moderation,” probably cuz there’s 3 links that taste like spambot to the security of this site, or because I switched my modem/router settings too many times lately at the office, or because our host finally has had enough of me.

    Also, I wanted to ask Mr. Majestyk or any New York Cityers about this: http://www.biggayicecreamtruck.com/
    Is this, like, performance art? A real thing? A commercial rainbow facade on a vehicle meant to inculcate NYC’s children with the Gay, as the Bachmann family & the Mormon Elders warned us would happen when liberals have too much power?

    I’ll be in Manhattan next month for Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark, a Yankees game, and assorted debaucheries, and I’m curious if this “big gay ice cream truck” holds any celebrity status up there. I think it’d be a fun diversion for the woman & me to seek it out for a cone & a photo.

  757. I look forward to it, Mr Mouth!

  758. Rob Zombie directed a detergent commercial. I find it quite entertaining.
    If the link doesn’t work, just google RZ Woolite commercial. I’m about to pass out and shouldn’t be trying to link anything.


  759. I could have sworn there was a TREE OF LIFE review posted from a month back, but I must have got it mixed up with a comment thread.

  760. Also, Mouth, I had never thought that one cop looked like Boyka but he totally does! I don’t know how I could be such a big fan of Scott Adkins and one who really appreciates the Wire and totally miss it.

    Still, Vern should watch it. I think Breaking Bad might be more his speed, and I don’t mean that in a bad way at all. Many “fans” of The Wire, such as myself, can be totally obnoxious about it and I could see why someone would reject that. I don’t think the fans of Breaking Bad have gotten to that point, though, so Vern should give it a try before Breaking Bad fans become insufferable.

    Also, I was thinking of Breaking Bad and comparing it to The Shield and I think there’s a lot to talk about in how they each handle ethics differently. I think the shows contrast a deontological ethical framework with a teleological framework and I think that’s quite exciting.

    In Breaking Bad the actions of the protagonist are wrong no matter the reasons and the expected consequences from it. Time and again Breaking Bad shows us instances where Walt is able to rationalize his actions to himself but then it shows how those bad actions have really awful consequences on everyone else.

    The Shield seems to excuse a lot of the vile and wicked deeds of its characters and I really get the impression that if the characters acted more logically or didn’t go too far that they could have gotten away with their evil actions without too many negative consequences for the rest of the world.

  761. MOUTH: I believe so, thank you.

  762. Mouth: “I’ll be in Manhattan next month for Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark”

  763. Goddamnit.

  764. I’ve heard of this Big Gay Ice Cream Truck but have yet to see it in my travels. But let me know when you’re going to be in The City (Capital T, capital C–no exceptions) and we’ll get a drink or six. With your training I’m sure we’ll be able to find a way to exchange contact info in a secure fashion.

    My codename will be Watermelon Man. Yours will be La Bouche.

  765. Outstanding, Mr. Majestyk. The dates are not yet set, as I may soon have to do another quickie 2-3 week overseas foray to take care of some business, in which case I’ll be checking in at DC for an indefinite interval before hitting The City. For some reason, senior officers tend to want *me* to accommodate *their* schedules.

    For Watermelon Man’s Eyes Only: When you see a chopper deposit a man down a rope ladder onto the top of the Empire State Building, plan to meet La Bouche’s contact exactly 2 hours later at The Plaza’s Oak Bar. At a table overlooking Central Park, a woman will be reading Robert Kaplan’s MONSOON on a Kindle. Order a dirty martini from the bartender with 6 fingers on his left hand and pass a napkin note to the woman with the message “That gum you like is going to come back in style.” Then turn off your cell phone and follow instructions. Come alone. Or bring a friend, whatever. We’ll be in touch.

  766. I just found out that THE SEARCH FOR ONE-EYE JIMMY, one of my favourite movies from my favourite period in my life, is been out on DVD in the UK for a while. Why did nobody ever tell me about this?
    I should also try to look for my old VHS TV recording and try to burn this on DVD, just to have the German language track of it too.

  767. Jareth Cutestory

    July 18th, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    It’ll take you two WHOLE hours, Mouth? You ARE turning into later-day Val Kilmer.

    *Jareth leaves desk to investigate strange whooshing noise, succumbs to Mouth’s garrote*

  768. Jareth, first thing I always try to do when I drop into The City is I visit my brethren at a NYPD mounted police precinct/stable. That takes at least an hour. You know they have some mighty fine equines working the beat at Central Park. Mighty fine.

  769. There’s just something about a filly in uniform, isn’t there?

  770. I watched THE LINCOLN LAWYER, and I thought of Paul’s review from 4 months ago, which led to a mini-thread in which I told that crazy focker that I hate him and later that I love him. https://outlawvern.com/2010/12/10/potpourri-2-miscellaneous/#comment-479430

    Man, is he ever wrong about the soundtrack. It’s awesome. The only problem is, there should have been more of it, more Marvin & Erick Sermon & Rakim & Bland & Gangstarr etc., in the mostly musicless middle portion of the movie.

    But I agree with Paul that the movie is very effective though not perfect. I enjoyed it immensely, but it’s hard to write any kind of review without spoiling the story. Too bad Ryan Phillippe never went mega like he could have in his role here.

  771. How does it compare to Juggernaut?

  772. Jareth Cutestory

    July 18th, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Casey: It’s the JUGGERNAUT, bitch, how do you think it compares?

    Mouth: I have fond memories of the horses in Central Park. One of them bummed a smoke from me and showed me her tattoo. I think you keep good company. Much better than that Enumclaw crowd.

  773. It’s been everywhere by now but nonetheless here’s the outlawvern.com premiere of the teaser for that new Chris Nolan movie


    Reminds me how refreshing it is that we’re finally going to get an actual physical threat for Batman in modern film. It only took 7 movies to get there. Can’t wait to see new Mad Max intimidate the shit out of Bale throughout the damn movie. Sucks that they didn’t give him his trademarked Bane luchador mask though; looks a lot better than that Frank Booth on steroids look they went for.

  774. oh God, that gave me wood

    and Mouth, I can only imagine what you would think of me if you met me in person, maybe you could help me get laid

  775. Apparently there is also a new Beastie Boys video out, which was directed by Spike Jonze and is about the Boys slaughtering Yeti’s for 12 minutes.
    I can’t watch it, because of the stupid Country restriction on YouTube, so I have to wait till it shows up somewhere else.

  776. Mr Holden, there is indeed a new Beastie Boys video!


    It’s probably my least favorite song on their new album but the remix is pretty good and the video made me laugh.

    I kept expecting the bad guy to be revealed to be Mix Master Mike.

  777. Yeah, unfortunately I still can’t watch it (YouTube and GEMA are in a silly war and block all music videos in Germany.) But by now I know that it is not about slaughtering Yetis, so I apologize for what I said before.

  778. So I finally saw Deathly Hallows Pt 2 last night. Absolutely loved it. I would have changed about 15 seconds of it (which I’ll discuss if anyone else has seen it and cares), but aside from that, it had about everything I would want in a finale to this series. Easily the best of Yates’ run as director. Probably in a tie for second place (after Azkaban) with Goblet Of Fire for second best of the series.

  779. I’m hoping to see it tomorrow during lunch, Chris.

    I never understood the love for Azkaban. It’s OK but it doesn’t stick out for me. Goblet of Fire is great, though, and it has so many little touches that just work for me.

    I’m looking forward to Pt 2, though, even if Pt 1 felt like it was spinning its wheels and spent a ton of time on the whole, “I must do this alone!”, “but we’re your friends!”, “But I must do this alone!”, “Seriously, bro, we’re your friends. Shut up!”, “OK G-D WHATEVER!”

  780. Pt 1 was rather tedious a lot of the time. It still had several scenes and character moments that I thought were spot on, but yeah…

    Azkaban has an overly rushed Shrieking Shack scene/confrontation- but that is my I only gripe with it. I think the mood (and even richer production design), the huge leap in the acting of the leads and the clever ways that the time travel is handled are what really elevate it for me. Also it was the first to feel like the whole affair was part of a larger story, where SS and COS (and this is the fault of the books as well) just feel like “bad guy of the week” Scooby Doo adventures (even if it happens to be the same bad guy, albeit in 2 different incarnation).

    I still think COS is the best in terms of fully adapting its source material AND probably has the consistently best effects of the whole series (the giant spiders and the Basilisk were both fantastic), it is probably the weakest of all the stories.

  781. btw that new Beastie Boys video was AWESOME.

  782. Hey Mr. S and whoever else is interested, as requested I finally got back on the horse…I mean, in the saddle…I mean, up in an equine vagina, which is a metaphor for writing a new movie review, in my opinion. Click my name for the finest or at the very least the longest BRAIN SMASHER: A LOVE STORY review you’ll ever read for free.

  783. And while we are at plugging our own stuff, I finally wrote down what I did on Ibiza, including some photos (with one of the most pornographic looking tree ever) and a 10 minute long video, that has 2 up to 5 minutes long driving montages.
    So if you wanna know what can happen if your left ball fights a thong, click on my name.

  784. And I finally managed to watch the new Beastie Boys clip. It is awesome, but I think this song is everybody’s least favourite from the album.

  785. I wasn’t actually crazy about DEATHLY HALLOWS 2 — something about it just didn’t connect on an emotional level for me. Some of my favorite parts of the book are present but somehow don’t seem to have quite the weight they should. Weirdly, the part I liked best is my least favorite part of the book — the pointless epilogue 19 years later. In the book it comes across as an excuse to tell us that everyone married their high school sweetheart and pumped out a few kids, pretty lame and unnecessary. In the movie, the visual parallels with the first film are much more pronounced and the epilogue becomes more about a continuation of the tradition than a glimpse into Harry’s middle age. But weirdly I liked part 1 quite a bit, I’m kinda a sucker for that existential angst when they’re camping, completely unsure what the fuck they should do. The film nails that part.

    I still think his romance with Ginny has to be one of the most forced and unnecessary (and also kinda creepy) fictional romances of all time.

  786. I think the romance with Ginny works perfectly in the books and was something I rooted for (I will admit to actually throwing my book up in the air and making some sort of Harry Knowles-ish sound of glee at their first kiss), but in the movies admittedly they have no real chemistry, which is a shame- both are, I think, perfect for their respective parts as individuals- just not perfect together/ as a couple.

    What were the parts that left you wanting, Mr. Subtlety?

    I also 100% agree on the epilogue.

  787. I’ve only watched the Harry Potters once each when they come out, but I think the reason why part 3 is so highly regarded is because it was such a change from the previous 2 which seemed like they must’ve been pretty literal scene by scene re-enactments of the book, but the third one gave a more interesting impression of a world, lots of things going on in the background, more of a texture to it. Plus Sr. Cuaron put more of the real world into it, combining the magical wizardy world with, like, modern clothing and stuff. And the special effects were a huge leap from the Mummy Returns esque centaurs to much more believable and interesting monsters. The rest of the movies have followed in Cuaron’s style and mostly done a good job, but he gets crediting for starting it in that direction.

    SPOILER FOR THE NEW ONE – I did think the epilogue was pretty ridiculous and sad. Couldn’t one of these kids leave home and meet new people at some point? I guess that’s just how wizardland is. Everybody that works at the school grew up together also. Fuckin wizards need to get out more. If I was Harry I would’ve went back and tried to find that beautiful black girl that hit on him in the diner in whichever previous movie that was.

  788. Vern,
    I agree that the effects in POA were a huge leap from those in Sorcerer’s Stone, but not from Chamber Of Secrets.
    The real leap in effects was between Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber. Again, the Basilisk and the giant spiders were all (to me) Jurassic Park-level killer integrations of animatronics and flawless CGI.
    Quidditch looked 100x better and the flying Ford Anglia was pulled off really really well.

    The Hippogriff in POA was totally photoreal. Just perfect. As were the Dementors. But the werewolf was a total step back to Sorcerer’s Stone-level cartooniness (though I did like the basic design).

    I agree with everything else you said about Azkaban though.

  789. Vern — totally agree on both counts. I actually think Cuaron’s narrative and pacing droops a little at the end and Oldman has one of the most cliche-ridden speeches of the whole series at the end. But the world is just so damn rich and mysterious and downright magical that you go for it anyway. The subsequent movies kept his tone, to great effect, but only Cuaron really had the imagination to grow the world and fill it with truly unexpected things. And his spider-legged werewolf is awesome. I could hardly be more excited about GRAVITY. Somehow Robert Downey Jr. quit that project to go work with the guy who directed NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM. What the fuck was he thinking.

    Although the end still has a note of “yaaay everyone got married!!!” to it I do think it works better than in the book (Vern, I hope I’m not making unwarrented assumptions about you when I guess you probably did not read the novels). I do like the idea of showing us that another generation is off to Hogwarts, even if its a little pat to show everyone still happily married to the people they met at age 10. For the record, I always wanted Harry to end up with Luna. Her spacy wisdom goes nicely with his down-to-earth pragmatism, and you just know she’s a freak in the bedroom.

    And that’s how I lost all remaining vestiges of street cred. True story.

  790. Mr. Subtlety… still curious which parts of DH2 fell flat for you.

    To go back to my wanting to change 15 seconds of the movie, I will start with 10 of those seconds

    I think there needed to be about 10 seconds (that honestly would have been enough) of showing Ginny holding off Bellatrix to ratchet up the tension before Molly steps in and says and does her thing.

    As it stands it just jumps right to it, without a build. Granted, I am glad it is there (there may have been riots in theaters if it wasn’t) and it still got a cheer… I just think it needed to be led up to more, even by just a moment.

  791. CJ Holden – Why do people not dig “Don’t Play No Game”? A wonderful, nice little reggae outing. But whatever.

    I want those Beastie Boys action figures, but unlike most nerds I don’t want them standing in the corner collecting dust. I want to play with them in my all-new adventure: “Mystery of the Missing Wine Cooler.” Co-starring Captain Sunshine and Wonder Boy #4.

    Vern – so the moviemakers should’ve made the epilogue like the WONDER YEARS or something?

    (Mr. S, make room for me on the Lost Street Cred park bench.)

  792. ***SPOILER***
    I wish they would have shown Luna and Neville in the epilogue. I know they are only mentioned in dialogue in the book, but if they could not comfortably fit them into the dialogue, it would have been nice to see them in the background. Theirs was the only “relationship” that wasn’t resolved onscreen.

  793. Jareth Cutestory

    July 19th, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    CJ Holden: Are you telling us that you’re making your own BROWN BUNNY five minutes at a time?

  794. Wait, Ginny and Harry get married? Man, thanks for spoiling the movie for me.

    I read the books up until the one after Goblet of Fire where there were like hundreds of pages of Harry being sad and shit because that one kid died. I just couldn’t get through it. I think it worked out for the best, though, as a lot of my friends didn’t like the last few movies because they kept nitpicking them against the books and I was better able to appreciate the movies as movies and not as adaptations.

  795. As someone who never read those books…why do moviemakers assume that I did? Fuck that shit.

    Vern – I think that shit was done because after 7 books, people woulda been pissed if indeed a WONDER YEARS ending was pulled on them, denying them that closure they wanted, specifically closure in the goddamn “shipping.”

  796. Wait, that’s everybody’s least favorite song on the Beastie Boys album? I think it might be my favorite. I didn’t know what it was called, I just think of it as “the dub one.”

  797. Jareth: Call me old fashioned, but when I hear or say “minute long driving montage”, I think of HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

    And yeah, everybody I talked to liked “that one with Santigold” the least on HOT SAUCE COMMITEE. I think it’s because while it is not really a bad song, it is pretty unspectacular and just goes by without any climax or really memorable parts.

  798. Yay, pottermania on outlawvern.com!

    I caught it yesterday and I thought it was okay. I`m not sure why everybody thinks that Yates is a great director; I don`t think that anybody gave a great performance except Helena Bonham Carter and the spectacle doesn`t feel very spectacular in his hands. But my biggest problem with the movie was that it was all pay-off, with very little set-up or room for actual suspense. With way to much gloom on top.

    But, a lot of scenes did give me the chills. I haven`t read any of the books, but I thought that the twists and revelations were brilliant. And I really like a lot of the characters and were excited about their faith, which is properbly why I was dissapointed that every character besides Harry and Voldemort were reduced to cameos (especially Luna Lovegood, Hagrid, Draco, Ginny, Ron and Hermonie). But maybe DH2 will be a lot better when watched together with part 1.


    Okay, I`m not sure about how good a director Yates is. He did get some great performances out of the actors in the last 3 movies, and I`m not sure if he is as interested in suspense as he is in mood (GLOOOM!), but I like how he doesn`t make every plotpoint obvious. ..If that`s his intention…
    An example; when Voldemort kills Harry in the forest, he sends Dracos mum over to check if he`s dead. And she mumbles; Draco? Is he alive? In the cinema, I was like huh? That`s not Draco, that`s Harry and he`s clearly alive. That doesn`t make sense. And then I researched on the internet and realized that she asks Harry if her son is alive, that Harry nods yes, and then she decides to betray Voldemort. That`s a great little twist (imo), but I`m not sure if it`s badly told in the movie, or Yates have so much faith in his audience, that he underplays it on purpose.

    Also, what`s up with the deadly hallows? Does Harry come back from life because of the stone, or does he merely call forth his parents (which has been popping up all over the place in the last 7 movies anyway). And if he only calls forth his parents, what was the point in hiding the stone in the quiddish-ball, since he had already decided to meet his faith? Did Dumbledore expect the parents to convince him to commit suicide? And why does he drop the stone before meeting Voldemort? He has the three hallows that makes you master of death, and he throws the stone away and breaks the elderwan. Why? Voldemort wasn`t even interested in them. Please illuminate me.

    But, when all is said and done, I think that the Harry Potter series is an amazing achivement; a great story with great characters. And I love that it leaves a lot of the puzzle to the audiences to figure out. Best gloomy childrens series since Neon Genesis Evangelion.

  799. hey CJ, knowing how big of a Venture Brothers fan you are I thought I’d let you know that the guy that voices Rusty Venture is in the Fallout New Vegas DLC Old World Blues

    I have not checked imdb or anything to confirm this, but it sounds just like him, so I’m willing to bet

  800. dna – Neon Genesis Evangelion is a children’s series?

  801. – griff

    Well, I think it it starts out as a childrens series, before it goes bonkers. The maincharacters are 12-13 years old, aren`t they? I know there is a lot of sexual humour in the beginning as well, but I think that is normal in Japan. It slowly turns into something else around episode 15, but I wouldn`t show the last couple of Harry Potter movies to children either.

    I didn`t mean any offence to Neon Genesis Evangelion by calling it a children series, I think it`s one of the most brilliant psychodramas / sci-fi stories ever told, and have watched it several times.

  802. I didn’t take offense, I just could imagine a kid wrapping their head around the mindfuck the show later becomes, but yeah I can kinda see what you mean about the early episodes

    “congratulations Shinji!”

    this is now making me wonder how crazy it would have been if they had really made a live action movie of NGE as was planned (one that might have had Robin Williams in it of all people)

  803. *couldn’t

  804. dna:

    I thought it was pretty clear what Narcissa Malfoy did in the movie. So did the folks I was with that hadn’t read the books as we had a lengthy discussion afterwards of anything they did or didn’t understand or follow.
    And by that point all of the Malfoys had given up on Voldemort and the Death Eaters and were only interested in the survival of their family/each other which is why they beat feet before the final battle. If Draco had been dead at that point, her and Lucius may have just totally given up/given in and followed Voldemort to their deaths but I think that (cowardice aside) their love for their son outweighed their allegiance to the Death Eaters and they were happy to defect quietly. It was obvious over the last several movies (and of course the books) that they were becoming increasingly beaten down by Voldemort and finally starting to question whether they were on the right side or not.

    As for the Resurrection Stone… it wasn’t that Dumbledore wanted the spirit of his dead family to convince him to do what he needed to do (aka march to his own death), because he knew Harry’s mind and heart and knew Harry would do it anyway… he just knew that having the spirits of so many that he loved around him would give him more strength to do so and make the journey less painful.
    In regards to Harry coming back to life after the being “killed” that had little to do with the Deathly Hallows. The kids search for those had more to do with keeping them away from Voldemort than having them for themselves. His body and soul were further protected from Voldemort because it was Harry’s own blood that was used bring Voldemort back to full physical being (back in Goblet of Fire) forming a second bond beyond the horcrux bond… so in essence the killing curse that Voldemort used on Harry instead of killing him, seperated him from the horcrux portion of Voldemort’s soul that was inside him (which was given a physical manifestation as the bloody, fetal Voldemort in Harry’s afterlife sequence) and in the end that horcrux manifestation of Voldy is what took the fatal brunt of the killing curse.
    I’ll agree that this is a little muddy in the film, as far as the details of it, but everyone I was with still seemed to pretty much just go with it.


    Grim Grinning Chris — After so much setup, I found the payoff of a few major events in the film to be a bit wanting. As you yourself point out above, the death of Bellatrix could hardly be handled more offhandedly, even though she’s set up by that point as almost more hateful than Voldemort himself. The movie doesn’t even make it personal between her and Ms. Weasly, she just sort of gets killed in a little 15-second aside and no one really notices. I like the fight Harry and Volemort have but considering there were 7 movies leading up to it it’s not particularly spectacular and Volemort never really seems to have to deal with the collapse of his ambitions. He’s pretty much in control right up until the point he dies, so you can’t really savor his defeat (although Fienne’s expression at the end speaks volumes and almost saves it).

    Likewise, Snape’s backstory (finally explained) feels ssoooooo rushed and mostly exposition. It’s such a tragic, powerful tale that compressing it into 30 seconds of quick cut exposition dialogue doesn’t really feel like giving it the attention it deserves. And then no one mentions it afterwords! True, Radcliffe’s face says a lot, but narratively the film feels like it brushes it off. I think its the same in the book too but in the film it really feels tossed off, which is a bit lame when telling us something shocking about this guy who’s been an adversary the whole series. He gets to see his mom right afterwords, it feels like he should mention something about it to her, you know? This guy spent his whole life as a miserable misunderstood outcast because of his love for her, that doesn’t at least merit telling her, or, fuck it, someone? Had Harry died in the woods, no one would have ever known that Snape was anything other than a murderous traitor. That shit’s cold, Potter.

    Anyway, nothing that ruined the experience for me, just felt like a few payoff beats like those don’t quite deliver the weight they need to after all this time building up to them. And it’s a bit lame that poor Ron and Hermione have nothing at all to do for the last half of the film. Neville gets his moment to shine and that’s all well and good, but it feels a bit like it’s at their expense (narratively, it would have worked better to have Ron or Hermione kill the snake. After all the time we’ve spent with them up til now, it seems weird that they just kind of sit there and get saved by some minor character at the big finale).

  806. boy, all these Harry Potter spoilers, it’s 2007 all over again

  807. Just saw the Black Dynamite pilot. Fucking great. I’ll give details later. But it’s as great as we were all hoping.

  808. Hey kids – not sure where this belongs or if it has even already been posted but this is a link to the first official trailer for the latest Steven Soderbergh joint Haywire.


  809. Also, is anyone else as excited about Kill List as I am? It played here in Perth recently as part of the Revelations film festival but I, very unfortunately, missed it.

  810. so I just got back from Captain America, I liked it a lot better than Thor, I was pretty lukewarm on Thor

    I’m a sucker for retro stuff and the WW2 setting was cool, plus boy were the ladies hot in it (especially the dancing girls), I’m also a sucker for those hairstyles

    so yeah, Captain America has reinvigorated my love for the Marvel movies

  811. The trailer for Steven Soderberg’s Haywire has finally hit the net – early 2012 is looking hot for action right now! Here’s a link:


  812. Regarding the recent mass murders in Norway I would just like to say my prayers are with the victims and I could not care less about who did it or why. Imagine the amount of sorrow each victim with his or her relatives create. It´s so vast it hurts. As with every great tragedy like 9/11 for instance or the Rwanda massmurders in ´94.

    Just liked to say something about this that´s all….

  813. I meant my prayers are with the victims families…..

  814. This seems inconsequential after the shit in Norway, but I wanted to say it’s too bad about Amy Winehouse dying. I guess I never thought she would clean herself up, but I wish she would’ve. She reminded me of people I try to stay away from, but I dug her singing and her taste in music. She was a unique talent with genuine soul and not this modern daughters of Mariah Carey American Idol bullshit that everybody else is singing these days.

  815. It´s always bad when people die of other than natural circumstances. Her family will be just as griefstruck as the relatives ro the victims in Norway. So it`s not inconsenquential. It´s just tragic.

  816. Couldn’t figure where else to put this, but I just saw Skyline on Netflix Instant and actually didn’t hate it. In fact, I’ll go on record saying I enjoyed it more than Battle LA (probably due to WAY lowered expectations). Sure Battle LA had better actors and a better concept, but it just seemed perfunctory and lifeless. Considering the destruction and bodycount in that movie, i was bored most of the time, like watching someone else play a not-very-good videogame, complete with boss battles and cut scenes.

    As for Skyline, sure, most of the characters are annoying and I’m not quite sure why they’re bickering the whole time. But the movie looks fantastic (except for a few FX shots), and there actually seems to be some real imagination and thought in the alien design, unlike Battle LA’s tin men. Oh and I HATED Battle LA’s ending – a cheap ripoff of both SWAT and The Hurt Locker’s ending. It kinda sickened me that there’s some kid out there who’ll see this movie first and then think other movies ripped it off. I guarantee you, you won’t see Skyline’s ending coming, and it’s kinda awesome.

  817. unfortunately I can’t say I’m surprised that Amy Winehouse has died, she’s been in a bad way for years now

    it’s a shame though

  818. Jareth Cutestory

    July 23rd, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Amy Winehouse wasn’t nearly as good as Irma Thomas. But Winehouse knew who Thomas was, and she found value in Thomas’ approach; she made an effort to connect with a style of singing and producing records that is both difficult and, at the moment, unfashionable. That’s more than I can say for most young singers.

    To her credit, any time “Rehab” came on the radio it sounded both classic and contemporary. It takes talent to not let your reverence for the past turn you into Natalie Cole.

  819. Hey guys, don’t frown: OMAR HAS JOINED COMMUNITY!

  820. Anyone have any non-spoiler thoughts on Captain America?
    I am going to see it tomorrow, due to a packed work weekend…

  821. I saw Captain America Friday. Well, I saw most of it as I kept falling asleep. Needless to say I didn’t really care for it but many people I know that saw it thought it was great so I would guess that most people would dig it. I think I might have to give it another shot once it’s on DVD because I’m obviously missing something. Tommy Lee Johnes was definitely a highlight.

    I don’t know what it is about that director’s movies, they always seem to put me to sleep. The Wolfman, Captain America, The Rocketeer, October Sky. I just realized that he did Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. I liked that one as well as Jurassic Park III, so he has a few that didn’t induce narcolepsy, but yeah…I didn’t like Captain America although you might so I say give it a shot.

    FYI – If you got shit to do and don’t want to stay after the credits (That seem to go on for fourteen days) I’ll give you a little spoiler to save you some time.


    Captain America punches a punching bag.
    Nick Fury walks in the room and does his, “We’re assembling a team” buisness.
    That’s pretty much that until they play the teaser for the Avengers which was cut quickly in that fade in and out of black style that’s been popular lately.

    Eseentially the only thing I remember from the trailer was Tony Stark patting Thor on the back and saying something silly and many people who were still left in the theater chuckled.

  822. The audience I saw cap with ate that shit up like candy. I couldn’t even hear anything in the AVENGERS trailer cause these morons were hooting and hollering like Whedon and the cast were actually in the building.

    As someone who actually grew up reading comics surprise surpise I was left unsatisfied. I just found the green screen work kinda bad at times same for the effects. The editing was too off kilter to the point that it had too fast a pace (Ie: Rogers provokes an ass kicking at a movie theatre then we’re awkwardly thrown into said ass kicking, howling commando rescue to them being cap’s buddies all within 5 minutes; really).

    Red Skull was severely underused and his “plot” was fucking retarded and lame. Characterization was good he’s still a mad coward of a man to contrasts Cap’s logical brave soldier but he was just really underused. Loki is still by far the best villain in these movies. It’s also pretty anticlimatic towards the end and more than once at that with both the Red Skull resolution and the actual ending.

    It was a good movie. I’d say technically superior to THOR in certain areas but I found Hemsworth’s Thor much more entertaining as a character to follow. Part of it is probably the fact that I like that character more than Cap in the comics so I guess by proxy even in the movies I find him more entertaining. Still Cap is the most faithful translation of any of them. No noticeable changes from the comics were made to him like with Thor and Iron Man.

    He’s milquetoast, altruistic, bold, heroic, jingoistic and corny. EXACTLY like his comic book counterpart. The Chris Evans haters could suck it cause he PLAYED Steve Rogers and there was nothing there to remind you of any of his previous performances. Unlike say Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern and even RDJ as Tony Stark. He did great and made the movie very watchable.

    Dominic Cooper was good as Howard Stark too. THE DEVIL’S DOUBLE is actually the last movie I’ve seen so it was interesting to see the night and day shifts in roles and his range. It’s much better than the boring ass INCREDIBLE HULK and lame IRON MAN 2. I just don’t think it’s as entertaining as THOR and it’s nowhere near as great as the original IRON MAN. That’s still their lightning in a bottle there.

  823. I actually really liked Captain America.

    I know enough about the comics to appreciate the thematic elements of his story (heroic do-gooder who represents the best of America waking up in a time that falls very short of those ideals seems like a really interesting premise) and I thought that the movie delivered on what I thought Captain America was all about.

    I thought the action scenes were good, the acting solid, Tommy Lee Jones was hilarious, and it managed to fit in a very believable story that had a lot of character moments. I felt all of the emotional and character resolutions had payoffs.

    I don’t know, I really liked it. I would put it up there with Spider Man 2 and Unbreakable in terms of being one of my favorite super hero movies.

    I’m not a comic book guy. I read Ghost Rider as a kid (the dude had a flaming skull and rode a motorcycle!) and I read The Walking Dead and Invincible now but that’s about it. If I was a comic book fan, though, I would be flipping out since we got a Thor movie with Asgard, a WW2 Captain America movie, an Avengers movie, a Green Lantern movie with the space stuff, “serious” Batguy movies, and even “graphic novels” like Watchmen, Sin City, 300, and others are getting pretty well adapted. I’m just saying that if I was a comic book guy that I would be ecstatic.