Well I got my wish, they made a part 2. When last we left Merlin, Frodo, Viggo, Sam, Dwarf, and Elf, they were all split up. Merlin fell down a hole and there was no giant talking bird to save him this time. Everybody was separated or something. Frodo and Sam were going to go throw the ring in the volcano. I can’t remember what else.

Well part 2 picks up right in the middle of part 1, not where it left off. We find that when Merlin fell down that hole actually he did it on purpose to fight a demon in mid-air. It was awesome.

What this movie is about is they continue going to the volcano in three separate groups, and they never get there. But there are many wars. There are goblins that eat people’s legs and each other’s intestines. They ride on these monsters made out of computery animation. There are cameos by Dracula and Liv Tyler and the guy who did the voice for Chucky. As soon as you see him you go wait a minute, I think this guy MIGHT be evil. It’s just a feeling I got, I can’t explain it. You never shoulda trusted that guy just like you never shoulda gone to Dracula’s castle in part 1.

Merlin survives the extreme demon jumping but he starts dressing in all white and at first it seems like he lost his memory. So maybe instead of trying to destroy the ring, this one will be about him trying to remember who he was. He goes around and he finds out that he has these magic powers and he thinks maybe he was in the CIA. But then he remembers who he is so the story stays on track.

Also the invisible guys are back, but they don’t do as much. They’re on giant flying bat monsters. At the end there is a huge war between Viggo, a couple other guys, and 10,000 wet goblins. (more…)

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This is the story of some magical midgets called the hobbits (sort of like the smurfs except caucasian instead of blue). What they do is, one of them inherits a powerful magic ring created by an evil individual from the past. If this took place in america in 2001, the hobbits would just go ahead and use the ring, and everybody would be all for it. It might not even make the headlines, it might be buried on page 11 like the story I read yesterday about how the Bush regime is already developing “small” nuclear weapons to use in the caves in Afghanistan.

But this is Hobbitland or whatever so they do the right thing, they take the weapon, they REFUSE to use it because they know it corrupts them, and they travel toward the Mountain of Doom, the only place it can be destroyed.

But it’s not easy to travel, because cars have not been invented, or jetpacks. They just use a horse. Also, there are 9 invisible guys in cloaks and about seven to eight hundred goblin monsters trying to kill them.

Meanwhile Ian Mackellan plays the mentor wizard Merlin, sort of Ben Kenobi with a more tacky beard. This guy is pretty wise except he smokes alot of weed and that slows his mind down, just like all you potheads that read my sight. In one scene he is so high he decides to go to Dracula’s castle for advice. Christopher Lee reprises his role as Dracula and he does pretty much what Dracula always does when you go to his house, except instead of seducing and biting Merlin he just does a magic kung fu fight with him (my favorite scene). (more…)

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