Last week as you know I presented to you the first annual Vern’s motherfuckin Outlaw Awards. I really wanted to make a real event of this, to bring more attention to 1999 Outlaw Award Winner for best picture since I got out of prison Fight Club. so I had that cokehead Walter Leno whip up a press release about it, real professional and all. I sent it out to a couple people, one of them being the ain’t it cool news since they had been Positive enough to print my Curtis Mayfield piece the week before.
Well to my surprise this Father Geek charcater must respect my work, either that or he’s making fun of me because he posted the press release as is. (Well, at the end he Wrote “catch you later” which neither me or walter actually Wrote, that was pure fabrication.)
Now I think some of you motherfuckers might be kind of concerned about ol’ Vern. Here he is on a popular mainstream type sight, he’s got some pretty boy cokehead Writing everything for him all slicklike. That motherfucker has SOLD THE FUCK OUT!
So for you worrying motherfuckers, I have a little story. Most of you have probaly heard by now I was in prison for a while up until last August, well that is where this tale takes place. You see, in the joint we had special entertainment evenings about every month or so. What they do is they hire some poor sap standup comedian to perform for a “captive audience” if you know what I mean. (Meaning we were in prison.)
I don’t know where they get these guys. I don’t even have a clue what kind of scene or school of comedy they might come out of, or if they are good or bad. for all I know these guys could have been the next Richard Pryor but the thing is, you can’t hear hardly a word they say! The moment they step out on the stage and start crackin wise, the audience eats them alive. FUCK YOU COCKSUCKER I’M GONNA STICK IT SO FAR UP YOUR CORNHOLE etc. etc. (read the rest of this shit…)
Well I don’t know if any of you saw this but there was a gal in my guestbook who Wrote that I shouldn’t date gals in their late teens and early 20s which I believe she said was disgusting on account of my age. Well the more teen movies I get hoodwinked into seeing by these young gals the more I agree with that sentiment. The latest is an embarassing load of shit by the name of Teaching Ms. Tingle.
This is a good picture by a Cinema Artist who knows what the fuck he’s doing but still it’s almost too much for ol’ Vern and I’m gonna tell you why. But hold on there bud I’ll get to that in a minute.
If you’re like me, you’ve wondered for years how much Bruce Willis’s DIE HARD (1988) owes to the book it was based on, 
Well I have found that a lot of my readers have also come to love the films of the Bruce Willis Die Hard series. But I wonder how many of you are in the same situation as me. Die Hard comes out in 1988, you love it. Die Hard 2 comes out a couple years later, pretty fucking good. Die Hard part 3 comes out but wait a minute, you are incapacitated and/or incarcerated at the time and are not able to ever get around to seeing the thing until letterbox video in the year 2000.
Well ever since I got out I’ve been trying to catch up with all the pictures I missed while I was out of the picture. But the truth of the matter is I never saw all that many pictures before I got in either. So I figure why only review new and recent movies, if I want to be a real film Writer I gotta study the classics.
WARNING: This unfinished review here was written in the year 2000 when I was young and stupid. I’m leaving it here for the comments, for historical purposes and for my own accountability, but please if you’re just looking for a review of HARD TARGET read 
This is a cartoon but its not for kids and its not Japanese. If you don’t know in japan the cartoons are not only for kids, there is also demon raping, etc.
