Well, so far this summer of 2001 we’ve been having hasn’t been too hot. But at least we got that new Tim Burton movie coming out, right? I don’t know why they gotta remake PLANET OF THE APES but it’s a great cast and that guy knows what he’s doing, I’m sure he’ll do something interesting with it.
Nope. 10 years later I’m not sure I need to explain why the PLANET OF THE APES remake is no good. I don’t remember there being an argument about it at the time, or ever encountering anybody that liked it in the decade since. It was a bad idea, it was not good, let’s all pretend it never happened. The end.
Let me tell you man, I’m not trying to commemorate the tenth anniversary of this movie. There’s no celebration here at all. It’s just analysis, I swear.
I saw FINAL FANTASY in the theater when it came out, found it incredibly boring, and really didn’t want to ever watch it again. Here is my review from back then. But I thought it was important to revisit for this study because, despite being a huge financial and artistic failure this movie did break alot of new ground that has turned out to be relevant to the movies of the decade since.
note: this review is excessively long and convoluted and takes forever to get to the point, but only as a clever form-is-an-extension-of-content type reference to the movie it describes, in my opinion. Unfortunately I could never match the feel of the movie no matter how hard I tried. It’s like when some asshole reviews a Dr. Seuss movie in rhymes or some shit like that.
introductory remarks/overture
My friends, we have lost. Michael Bay has defeated us. First he invaded the shores of the genre we hold most dear. He brought us gifts of explosions, while behind our backs he robbed us of the very language of geography and context we use to communicate what is exploding and who or what is endangered by said explosion. Then he confiscated our property, buying up our favorite low budget horror classics to rebuild as slick, soul-less product – just to crush our spirits. And now he has completely subjugated us. (read the rest of this shit…)
Today, as we celebrate the opening of the third Steven Spielberg produced Hasbro adaptation about overly detailed space robots with different accents wiggling around and smashing buildings, let’s also take a moment to note the tenth anniversary of that one time when Spielberg tried to make a thoughtful robot movie.
I skipped EVOLUTION in the summer of 2001 because it didn’t look very good. Hey, what do you know, it turns out me-of-ten-years-ago knew what he was doing. But for this important scholarly work it was crucial that I not just view the 2001 movies people remember. To truly get a feel for the period I had to watch at least one movie that came out that summer and then nobody ever thought about it again. (read the rest of this shit…)
My Summer of 2001 10th Anniversary Retrospective will continue shortly, but as requested here’s a brief interlude in the present to deal with some pressing issues.
SUPER 8 is the new picture from writer/director Jay-Jay Abrams (‘Felicity’) that is produced by Steven Spielberg and done in a style that’s a slavish tribute to the classic Spielberg pictures of the ’70s and ’80s. It takes place in ’79 and it’s about a kid whose mom recently died (if it was a real Spielberg movie it would be about divorce), his dad doesn’t really understand him, his friends are making a zombie movie, and also there is a gigantic train crash that unleashes a monster that scares away the dogs, knocks over alot of shit and kidnaps his girl.
SAVAGE DAWN is a post-apocalyptic-town-harassed-by-bikers movie very similar to STEEL FRONTIER except way crappier looking and without all the great cars and car stunts. I’d almost give it a very, very lenient semi-pass just because Lance Henriksen, with bleach blond hair, gets one of his rare leading man roles, except… no, I wouldn’t want anybody to think I sort of recommended this movie. The best thing I can say is I’ve seen worse.
But if you insist on seeing it the DVD is #3 on a triple feature with CAGED FURY and DRUG TRAFFIKERS. Don’t say I or the cover didn’t warn you. (read the rest of this shit…)
This might end up lost to history, but I feel that the internet’s lead-up to the release of the TRON sequel could be characterized as a “nerd frenzy.” Breathless reports described every onscreen visual and audience sound during the comics convention’s high profile promotional screenings of test films and trailers. Websights covered every angle of every advertising gimmick, poster or still. They wrote about promotional “Flynn’s Arcade” tokens like they were frozen Jesus tears.
Then the movie came out and you didn’t hear about the excitement anymore. I don’t know if it was a PHANTOM MENACE (they didn’t like it as much as they hoped) or a KICK-ASS (every single person who would like that type of movie was inside that convention). And it probly didn’t help that the original TRON didn’t exactly set the world on fire either. Until the sequel got announced I honestly didn’t realize there were people who were passionate about it. (read the rest of this shit…)
SOURCE CODE is a fun thriller with a clever sci-fi premise: what if for some reason they remade GROUNDHOG’S DAY as a DE JA VU type thriller, and instead of Bill Murray it’s the guy who looks like the guy who used to play Spider-man and instead of having one day to cover the weather he has 8 minutes to figure out who planted a bomb on a train? That would be kinda cool, right? (read the rest of this shit…)
Well, not too many people got a chance to examine the evidence, but MR. STITCH was the first solid proof that Roger Avary could stand on his own without reminding anybody of his video store co-worker Quentin Tarantino. Two years after winning an Oscar for PULP FICTION he was directing a DTV movie. Of course around here we know there’s no shame in that, but I guess it was not the original plan, just what happened when him and Rutger Hauer couldn’t agree on anything, according to this old Entertainment Weekly article. Sounds like they really didn’t get along well at all. Could’ve been worse, I guess. (read the rest of this shit…)
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
JeffG on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “Vern, I think there are a lot of Filoni fans from animation who are unhappy with the transition of the…” May 31, 11:07
Mr. Majestyk on The Mandalorian and Grogu: ““if you like a series that has brought you pleasure, why would you refuse more of it?” To answer this,…” May 31, 08:33
Skani on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “I think saturation, fatigue, and history play a role. OG STAR WARS has benefit that there was no 50 years…” May 31, 07:34
Curt on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “Maybe the fact that the original Star Wars trilogy had such an unusually broad appeal to almost everyone is why…” May 31, 05:40
Mike on Summer Rental: “Ben, actually, Kerri Green did not voice that line, nor any lines from Aubrey Jene. Green confirmed this herself. It’s…” May 31, 01:56
Simeon on Apex: “Couldn’t get too far into this because too many holes in Australian plot. They have taken American script and shoehorned…” May 31, 00:45
Simeon on Apex: “Couldn’t get too far into this because too many holes in Australian plot. They have taken American script and shoehorned…” May 31, 00:44
Mr. Majestyk on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “I’m sure it’s a little bit of all those things, plus a fair amount of culture war bullshit. Personally, I…” May 30, 05:00
Curt on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “I’ve not seen much of the Clone Wars cartoons myself (just because I’m a movie guy more than a TV…” May 30, 04:14
Alex R on Spy Hard: “Dracula: Dead and Loving It was a childhood favorite and I doubt it holds up, but I’ll give it credit…” May 29, 14:05
VERN on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “To clarify, I don’t know of anyone who was a fan of Filoni’s work but has now turned on him.…” May 29, 13:27
Franchise Fred on Spy Hard: “CJ I’ll give Dead and Loving It credit for one all timer joke. “Sheduled?”” May 29, 13:16
VERN on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “JeffG – Well, we do agree on the Mandalorian politics. I thought it was boring in Clone Wars so I…” May 29, 13:14
Curt on The Mandalorian and Grogu: “To me this movie was great fun and I don’t really understand people getting mad at it. The audience divisions…” May 29, 10:06
Crudnasty on Spy Hard: “Savage Steve Holland makes a lot of sense for adding in the “what if a fat lady farts?” to the…” May 29, 09:29
released July 27, 2001
Let me tell you man, I’m not trying to commemorate the tenth anniversary of this movie. There’s no celebration here at all. It’s just analysis, I swear.
note: this review is excessively long and convoluted and takes forever to get to the point, but only as a clever form-is-an-extension-of-content type reference to the movie it describes, in my opinion. Unfortunately I could never match the feel of the movie no matter how hard I tried. It’s like when some asshole reviews a Dr. Seuss movie in rhymes or some shit like that.
released June 29th, 2001
released June 8th, 2001
SAVAGE DAWN is a post-apocalyptic-town-harassed-by-bikers movie very similar to 
This might end up lost to history, but I feel that the internet’s lead-up to the release of the TRON sequel could be characterized as a “nerd frenzy.” Breathless reports described every onscreen visual and audience sound during the comics convention’s high profile promotional screenings of test films and trailers. Websights covered every angle of every advertising gimmick, poster or still. They wrote about promotional “Flynn’s Arcade” tokens like they were frozen Jesus tears.
SOURCE CODE is a fun thriller with a clever sci-fi premise: what if for some reason they remade 
Well, not too many people got a chance to examine the evidence, but MR. STITCH was the first solid proof that Roger Avary could stand on his own without reminding anybody of his video store co-worker Quentin Tarantino. Two years after winning an Oscar for PULP FICTION he was directing a DTV movie. Of course around here we know there’s no shame in that, but I guess it was not the original plan, just what happened when him and Rutger Hauer couldn’t agree on anything, according to 
