"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category

A Slasher Overview

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

VERN’S MAILBAG

Hi Vern,

Maybe on the site you could have a list of 10 or so of your favorite slasher films. I’m dying for some good stuff to watch this month, and I would trust a list from you.

Keep up the excellent work,

Cassady

I thought this was a good idea. My apologies to Doc Phibes though, who was sick of all the slasher movies I was reviewing. Hope you enjoyed the killer bear and demonic virus reviews, Doc.

I think instead of a list I’ll just do a little run through of ones I enjoy, with brief comments. This won’t be a definitive list or even the definitive definition of “slasher.” Just to get some variety I’ll loosen it a little to include almost anything with some jerk going around killing people with a sharp tool.

1. THE MASK OF ZORRO starring Antonio Banderas. (read the rest of this shit…)

“Explosive! The next Peter Travers!”

Friday, October 16th, 2009

This is from Sunday’s New York Times:

blackdynamitequote

(larger than actual size)

This is the first time I’ve ever been a quote whore in my ten years of reviewing. Glad it’s a movie I really like. I always figured if it happened they’d just write “Ain’t It Cool News” and no name, but I lucked out I guess.

Other notes:

1.I believe the censored part was “god damn” in the original review, not “fucking”. So read it right.

2. They contacted me to clear the quote, which surprised me considering some of the out of context and one word quotes you see by other people. Do they really have to get your permission or are the Black Dynamite people just really polite?

3. The best part is they sent the quote and then a correction because the one approved by the MPAA had different symbols for the “god damn” than the one they originally ran by me.

Until now the only times I’ve been quoted on ads were a couple fakes I made. Click through to see those. (read the rest of this shit…)

Dear Twisted Pictures and Stephen Susco: Don’t fuck it up

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

By now you’ve probly read the news that Twisted Pictures (the production company behind SAW parts 1-through-indefinite) and writer Stephen Susco (THE GRUDGE) have nabbed the TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE rights out from under the noses of Platinum Dunes. They’re supposedly gonna “reboot” again, now setting it in the modern day instead of the ’70s, and doing it in 3-D. And while Platinum Dunes were only given the rights on a movie-by–movie basis, Twisted is supposedly planning a whole series of them. (Dude, do a trilogy, like LORD OF THE RINGS! Or CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK!)

Of course, I am a huge nerd for the TEXAS CHAIN SAW pictures (the real ones) so many of you were kind enough to notify me about this development. I think maybe I should be outraged, but I actually think it’s kind of a good thing. It was clear that Platinum Dunes were never gonna figure out what to do with these movies, and had sucked all the blood they could out of them. At the same time they already broke its remake cherry, following up on two iffy-even-if-I’m-in-a-charitable-mood sequels from the ’90s. So another one I don’t think is gonna tarnish the CHAIN SAW legacy any more, it’s just gonna smear it around a little. I’d rather the series rest in peace now, but I guess it’s fitting somebody would dig this thing up and play around with its corpse.

chainsaw-leatherfacewithfac

Plus, the naively optimistic idealist in me thinks about what if it actually went right? What if this was the WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE impossibly ideal scenario? Picking out pictures to use for this post I kept looking at shots from part 2 and thinking 1) I should be watching that right now instead of writing this and 2) holy shit, imagine that in 3-D! What if instead of a typical modern horror movie this was some crazy funhouse, one o’ them visual marvels like part 2? It could be amazing! (read the rest of this shit…)

Homework assignment: recommend me some horror pictures

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

tn_freddycostumeI know the school movies marathon is probly beginning to wear out its welcome, but I got a couple more left that I think are pretty good. Anyway, October’s coming up so I will definitely be watching some horror movies pretty soon. I have a few ideas but I know you guys know some good ones so I wanted to give everybody a chance to suggest me some.

First of all, no need to tell me [REC], that’s at the top of my list. Also, of course, I will pick and choose what sounds good to me, or maybe ignore all of them and find my own. At Halloween time I’m looking for certain moods and I’m kind of particular about what I feel like watching, so don’t be offended if I choose a bunch of other crap. I’ll try to keep in mind your suggestions even after Halloween.

I’m open to every type of horror, but as you may know I’m always on a quest for decent ’70s or ’80s slasher movies that I haven’t seen yet, so extra points if anybody comes up with some of those.

thanks in advance for your consideration

your friend,

Vern

R.I.P. Roc Raida

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

rocraidaI just read something shocking and sad – Busta Rhymes has announced that the great DJ Roc Raida has died at just 37 years old. Now, I know when that DJ AM guy died recently I had no idea who that was except that he dated Lionel Richie’s daughter, and most of you probly know even less about Roc Raida. He didn’t date anybody related to anyone famous as far as I know and was not very well known outside of serious hip hop fans, so I’m gonna give you a little impromptu history lesson here.

If you just know hip hop from modern TV and radio you don’t really see alot of DJs. Scratching is not usually really a component of popular rap music these days and some of the big ones don’t even have a DJ as part of their stage show anymore. This is exactly what was happening in the early ’90s as well. (read the rest of this shit…)

New poster for THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

I don’t know about you guys but I enjoy the work George Clooney does with his writing partner Grant Heslov (better known as the Rock’s sidekick in THE SCORPION KING). Now Heslov is directing a movie starring Clooney based on a book I’ve heard is good, a true story comedy about a unit of the military that tried to figure out how to use paranormal powers.

It doesn’t come out until the beginning of November, but they’re just now beginning to advertise it and there’s a poster for it now. An interesting design because it doesn’t show any photos from the movie or anything, it’s just some silverish background with red silhouettes, kind of scratched up looking an– wait a minute WHAT THE FUUUUCK!??

goats

BLOOD AND BONE came out this week

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

tn_bloodandboneBI wanted to remind everybody that the Michael Jai White movie BLOOD AND BONE came out on the DVD this week. I really liked this movie and think it’s on par with some of the better late ’80s/early ’90s American martial arts movies. It not only has a great badass role for MJW, but an excellent villain played by Eamonn Walker (left), plus cameos by Gina Carano and some other individuals whose names I don’t know and are listed more prominently than necessary on the back of the DVD.

I’m anxious for you guys to see this so I can hear what other people think. So let me know.

‘Stack of Dimes’ Seagal episode

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

tn_lawmanI want to thank Stack of Dimes for plugging the shit out of SEAGALOGY on the latest episode of their podcast. I mentioned these guys once before, but they’re basically some dudes from Seattle who shoot the shit about various topics, often including Van Damme. They also introduced me to the magic of Jeff Wincott and MISSION OF JUSTICE. Anyway, on this episode they talk about Seagal movies and get excited about his upcoming reality series.

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

roadhouseWell, we saw it coming, but it’s still a huge bummer to know that Patrick Swayze is no longer with us. I don’t want to rehash what I’ve said before but I think most of you guys know how I feel about his work and feel similarly. He became kind of a pop culture joke because of movies like DIRTY DANCING, but I admired him because of how dedicated he was to his roles and how unafraid he was of being corny. I think most, many or all of us here consider ROAD HOUSE to be a classic and completely unique, to say nothing of POINT BREAK where he gives an equally great performance. In both cases I’m convinced that he made himself believe the philosophies he was spouting in character. He really was Dalton and he really was Bodhi. Incidentally he also did a great job as a screen fighter and even did skydiving stunts for POINT BREAK.

I also enjoyed him in UNCOMMON VALOR and BLACK DOG, I know a guy who loves NEXT OF KIN, and yeah, I’m gonna have to check out STEEL DAWN one of these days. And I have planned for years to revisit RED DAWN (almost made it part of my back to school series but I want to watch it as a double feature with ROCKY IV since that’s how I saw it in the ’80s). I don’t think he was mainly thought of as an action guy, and yet he had all those on his resume.

Another thing I always think of when I think of Swayze is that Saturday Night Live sketch where him and Chris Farley were auditioning for Chippendales. I can’t seem to find the original on Youtube or I’d embed it, but it was amazing how sincere and sweet he made his character in that thing. He did a similar trick in the not particularly good TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, JULIE NEWMAR.

He also seemed to be a cool guy with a sense of humor about himself. He was even willing to play that self-help dude in DONNIE DARKO who turns out to have a “kiddie porn dungeon.” And he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. As tragic as it is to die so young I’m glad he at least got a heads up so he could spend more time with his family and try to get things in order.

Please share your Swayze thoughts in the comments or click on his name in the tags below to see my reviews of a few of his movies.

My new most anticipated movie: KNOCKOUT

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

ginacaranoI’m sure most of you have heard about this one by now, but just in case: Variety reports that Steven Soderbergh’s next will be a spy movie starring mixed martial arts star Gina Carano. I never heard of her until I watched BLOOD AND BONE, and her part in that is really small, but I remember a couple of you in the comments were asking about it. Well, don’t worry, you’ll be seeing more of her than that little cameo.

The script is by Lem Dobbs, who wrote THE LIMEY, by far Soderbergh’s most badass movie. The article says it’s about “a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who is given a second chance to use her skills for constructive purposes.” In other words, xXx, but without skateboards, starring a woman and directed by one of our best instead of Rob Cohen. Wouldn’t that be great if it was “the smart xXx”?

I like most of Steve Soderbergh’s movies, even the real inaccessible ones, but I think he’s at his best when taking an artful approach to mainstream, entertainment type of movies (OUT OF SIGHT is his best, OCEAN’S 11 is fun, ERIN BROCKOVICH is way more effective than it ought to be). The article claims he wants to do “a flat out action film in the James Bond mold.” I’m sold.